Tag: money

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Money Relationship Status: Married

Money. Relationship Status: It’s Complicated.

That’s how I used to feel ALL THE TIME about that never-ending angst-ridden relationship with that unpredictable, difficult, demanding thing called MONEY.

I would see those other people with lots of Money, or hardly any Money at all…and people appeared happy, sad, depressed, thrilled in spite of the lack or abundance of money. It didn’t always makes sense, that’s for sure.

Happy/Sad, Positive/Negative…people appeared to feel all feelings no matter how much money or how little money they had.

And yet the story persisted that WITH money, people feel better.

I would feel better.

I also saw that it seemed to take a lot of hard, hard, drudgery to earn Money. It also seemed that (less often) Money just showed up unannounced, unexpectedly.

I had so many conflicting thoughts about money, that I knew I absolutely had to figure out how to use The Work and deep self-investigation to understand money better.

It wasn’t enough to just do The Work on “I need more money” even though exploring this belief offered huge insight (because I learned that in any given moment, I actually was fine with or without any money).

Even though I was lightening up about Money in so many ways…in other ways I was still very fearful.

Bottom line, it was absolutely true that having money was better than not having it. No question, it seemed absolutely true.

I just couldn’t let go of that roller-coaster ride relationship!

So, I got to work looking at what I believed money represented in my life.

I came up with many qualities: security, kindness, ease, relaxation, love, approval, celebration, joy, comfort.

Oh yikes. That’s a whole heck of a lot to put on money, right?

If money was a person, in the way I felt about it, it would be practically like an unobtainable hollywood movie star, or like some kind of god.

So spectacular, and so desirable!

And in addition to all THAT….my belief was that I had to work really, really hard to get a lot of it. I mean REALLY hard.

I had offer something so unique, exquisite, and perfect it was almost as impossible as that distant magical demi-god star. I had to change peoples’ lives, I had to work for hours into the night, I had to push myself physically.

Receiving money would only happen if I was getting rewarded for massive effort.

I was over here, on this side of the Grand Canyon….and the land of people with money flowing easily to them was over there, on the other side.

Of course I noticed Those People who inherited money from family, who won money (I’ve never met anyone in real life with that story however) or who were raised with abundant money.

But I still believed SOMEONE in their history worked their ass off to get the piles of money. In my work on money, after several worksheets on Rich People, I interviewed people who I knew had lots of money and asked if I could ask them questions about money. Several said “yes”.

It still seemed like they did something that took off, that created value for people.

But I loved questioning that this then meant that it was lots of work, drudgery, it took a lot of time, or it was “hard”.

So let’s take a look today! Oh boy!

I have to work hard to make money. I have to be brilliant, convincing, smart. I have to be very disciplined. I have to use my time very wisely…there isn’t much time for play. Playing too much means no money. This relationship with money is endlessly complicated.

Is that true?

Yes! All the people I admire with money, all those people waaaaayyyyy over there on the other side of the Grand Canyon, on the side WITH money….someone worked very hard to arrive there!

Can I absolutely know that this is true?

Can I know that they arrived? That they went from Not Having to Having? That the gap was really that big? That they didn’t play? That they had to be special, extra smart, extra disciplined, extra brilliant?

No. There may be some “regular” people who move from not having money to having money. In fact…I know some.

Um, now that you put it that way….I know a lot of them.

How do I react when I believe the thought that I have to be a certain way in order to make money? (Brilliant, disciplined, genius, convincing, determined).

How do I react when I’m looking for a job, and I think “people who get jobs get fabulous interviews, they have connections, they are genius at convincing someone to hire them, they are super good at what they do”?

How do I react when I feel this is so endlessly complicated?

I feel discouraged. I think “I’m not good enough”. I feel mediocre, average, dull, passive, and very self-critical.

I start to feel not good enough for money.

But who would I be without the thought that I need to be different than I am in order to make money?

That I need to be different if I am going to get a job, or do well in business, or sell my book, or cross the great divide between the me who has little money and the me who has lots of money?

Really….if you just put this thought on pause for a moment. What is that like?

Lighter. Curious. Interested. Open. Not striving. Dropping the need to make an effort, to push, to be disciplined, to be harsh.

I turn the thought around: I am just right, as I am, for making money. 

Could the opposites be just as true, or truer, than my original stressful beliefs?

I have to work easy to make money, I have to play more to make money, I have to be dull, relaxed, simple, no gripping. I have to be comfortable with chaos, disorder, open to the wild mystery (rather than disciplined). I do have to use my thinking wisely (not fearfully) and, there is no way to actually USE my time as if I’m losing time…Thinking playfully, joyfully, lightly means more money. It’s simple.

Gasp! But it will be terrible if I don’t work hard! I’ll never ACHIEVE! I’ll never accomplish! I’ll never arrive!

Could I try it for a few hours?

OK, could I try it for this moment? Could I just allow everything to be as it is, right now? Unknowable? Without having “arrived” at the place I think will be successful?

“What do you want? Do you want to be a success? I know what a success is…but YOU don’t realize what a success is yet or you would love yourself…..Look for peace from here now, not in the world. And then enjoy the world as it lives you. When you meet a stumbling block, just question your thoughts about what’s going on. Don’t expect anything.” ~ Byron Katie

As I contemplate not controlling myself, or my life, or my money, or my work, or my job status, or the amount of money coming and going, or that having money equals peace….

….I find I can feel the truth of not expecting anything, freely, openly, and how light, playful, hilarious and unplanned this all is.

And sitting here, writing in this quiet room, I feel the truth of peace permeating everything, of life creating itself, of awareness watching All This, and how I am so very successful….thinking, wondering, opening, being confused, trusting, letting go.

The amount of money, or security, or where I’m at on the job continuum, doesn’t actually have to change for me to notice that I could just as easily drop down into the other side of the Grand Canyon, that side Over There for people with money.

I could visit over there just as easily. Starting right now.

Money Relationship Status: Married.

Last class starting this year: MONEY! Wanting, needing, earning it. Thursdays 8  – 9:30 am Pacific Time. 12/5 – 1/23. Register HERE.

With Love, Grace

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Bills Bills Bills And The End of Suffering

I now know when my surgery will be: December 10th. A surgeon will be pinning my right torn hamstring back onto the pelvic bone.

When the date was set recently, guess what was one of the thoughts that ran through my mind?

How much will this cost? 

I know that medical procedures usually generate all kinds of bills. Something arrives in the mail from a lab, the doctor, the facility, the radiologist, another lab, the surgeon.

Bills!

What a great item for The Work.

A piece of paper comes in an envelope, addressed to you, and there is a number, and you owe that amount to the company, the organization, the service provider.

I love noticing the feeling inside when opening a bill and seeing “I owe” and watching if there is worry, frustration, nervousness, disappointment.

Any feeling at all of not liking the out-flow of money, of not liking that bill.

I don’t like it! I wish I didn’t have to pay this! 

Is it true?

Yes!

Although…almost as I’m saying “yes” I think “not really”.

I love the flow in and out of money. I love paying for wonderful service, for learning, for education, for healing help, for shelter, food, clothing.

But that little worry about not having enough….the amounts draining the bank account. The analysis of whether something is “worth” it or not.

How do I react when I believe the thought that this better be worth it?

The mind kicks in to the analysis zone, weighing and measuring something that often can’t quite be measured clearly. It gets all busy trying to see what things are worth….using a lot of energy.

What’s the value of my hamstring being sewn back to where it is supposed to go? Priceless. It’s worth it.

And if I didn’t have any health insurance? Still true.  

“My job is to be happy and wait. Decisions are easy. It’s the story you tell about them that isn’t easy. When you jump out of a plane and you pull the parachute cord and it doesn’t open, you feel fear, because you have the next cord to pull. So you pull that one, and it doesn’t open. And that’s the last cord. Now there’s no decision to make. When there’s no decision, there’s no fear, so just enjoy the trip! And that’s my position—I’m a lover of what is. What is: no cord to pull. It’s already happening. Free fall. I have nothing to do with it.” ~ Byron Katie 

This amount comes in, that amount goes out, in and out, up and down, I just know what to do next, what’s possible, what’s available, what is not available. 

Without the thought that I don’t like this or I don’t want to pay this bill?

I see how I am absolutely and completely fine right now in this moment, no matter what number is appearing on a paper.

I turn the thought around: I like this! I want to pay this bill!  

What a completely fun, relaxed, exciting, playful alternative!

I can be happy, no matter how much I pay, owe, give, deliver, offer. In fact, it’s VERY exciting.

“There’s no suffering in eating spaghetti with a thin tomato sauce (this is just one little example here, that stands for many things) rather than a nice, specially prepared sauce for pasta. But if suddenly, thought arises, and you think “this is what it has come to”, or “I have to eat this watery sauce, the cheapest food there is”, or “I’ve failed” or “I probably won’t find another job, because billions of people are now looking for jobs and it’s pointless” or “I’ll have to eat the same thing tomorrow” – [these thoughts] are where the suffering comes from. The suffering also comes from the diminished sense of self-worth, now where is that? Of course that’s in your head.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Right in the moment I am opening a bill, looking at the number, writing a check or making a bank transfer online….

….I can feel the thank-you, the joy of living this turnaround “I like paying this!”

If you find the idea tough…join us for the Money Teleclass that starts on December 5th in 2 weeks at 8 am Pacific Time. Register or find out more by clicking HERE.

Love, Grace

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Those Greedy People Were Generous

It was a Seattle misty-raining evening and already pitch dark, even though it was only 5:10 pm. You’d say “late afternoon” if it was summer.

I parked my car several blocks away from a hotel where a business networking meeting was already underway. I was late.

In my car, I had quickly grabbed a more “business” looking jacket, to put on over my long-sleeved aqua blue casual t-shirt. I had remembered to wear Not Jeans. As in black “business” looking pants.

When I entered, a man was standing up addressing the room, wearing a gorgeous gray business suit and red tie. The room was full.

As I made my way towards the closest open seat towards the back (people were sitting at tables for four) I was thinking thoughts like this:

  • Oh no, this is worse than I thought, I don’t fit in
  • Everyone looks so professional, managerial, like bosses
  • I can’t do this entrepreneurial thing
  • I won’t be able to stand it when they call on me to say what I do for a living (self-inquiry? counseling? The Work?)
  • No one will understand me and what I do
  • Everyone here is only interested in making money
  • They only care about appearance, success, wealth
  • I gotta get outta here!

RRRRUUUUNNNN!

Fortunately, I sort of “half ran”. I stayed planted right there physically (I couldn’t leave and draw attention to myself, right?)

But my mind whirled with nervousness and I probably had a plastic smile on my face. Like I was waiting for the first chance to lunge at an exit door. Maybe they’d take a bathroom break soon.

Later, after I “made it through” that ordeal…and I was back to safety…it occurred to me that doing The Work on this moment, this exact situation, might be not justinteresting….

….but maybe doing The Work on this would be very, very important for my own relationship with money, commerce, business, giving-and-receiving, offering a service in exchange for money, connecting with strangers…being free.

I got to work.

Is it true that I don’t fit in there? What does that mean…to not fit in? That I don’t have on the exact same outfit?

Seriously?

I don’t fit in because they are more interested in money than me?

(Yes, I often did my work for free, I had practiced many hours of volunteering my time to organizations, group talks and individual sessions with people).

Is that true that they are more interested in money than I am? Because they’re wearing a business suit?

Oh jeez. No. Gulp.

Is it true that because they want to market themselves, get more customers, read marketing books and take business-growth classes….that I don’t fit in?

Is it true that when someone has a lot of money, I am not like them? Have they succeeded somewhere I have failed?

Rats. But.

I’ve always thought it was so NOBLE and AWESOME to live like a monk, be able to live on nothing, to fit everything I own into my car.

Which is, by the way, a used Toyota. Not an SUV. Which they probably drive.

Aren’t I amazing how detached I am from material possessions? So light and carefree? So giving?

Yet I can’t absolutely know that it’s true that these people, in this meeting, are any different from me. In fact, I’m pretty sure they aren’t.

How do I react when I believe they want money….and it’s selfish, or they do it the wrong, mean way?

I perceive them as the enemy. I start firing out judgments like gun shots: see, this is mostly men, they are the top echelon of the culture, they don’t care about me or anyone so small as me, they are good-ol-boys, I’m too soft, or liberal, for them.

It’s very, very painful.

Wait.

I like doing The Work better on needing money, and finding out I don’t need money. Ha! I can Out-Not-Need You! I was anorexic once! I can overcome base human desires for things like food…and money…like you never could, you mean selfish….!!

That’s how I reacted.

How amazing to consider the fourth question, for once in my life: Who would I be without the thought that these people were bad and money was bad, and wanting money was bad? That I could exit out the back door and continue to not fit in?

I would look around the room and stop judging everyone’s clothing. I would notice colors, texture, sparkles, beauty.

I would see friendly smiles, welcoming someone who didn’t look completely at home here.

I would be absolutely delighted by all the camaraderie, joy, determination, passion, and excitement in the room.

Oh boy, I get to stand up and be in the spot light for a moment! I love the theater!

I may or may not come back to that meeting. Without stress.

I turn the thoughts around:

  • Oh yes, this is better than I thought, I fit right in!
  • Everyone looks so professional, managerial, like bosses–AWESOME
  • I can do this entrepreneurial thing
  • I will be able to stand it when they call on me to say what I do for a living–yes, in fact, I stood up and spoke, so I “stood” it.
  • Everyone will understand me and what I do! How funny to think I can have this attitude just as easily as the opposite!
  • Everyone here is interested in making money. Fabulous, because I am too.
  • In this moment, I only care about appearance, success, wealth…yes. I am judging right and left with these three factors in mind.
  • I am a cut throat, selfish, greedy, competitive meanie. I’ve hardly given them a chance! And they are gentle, generous, playful friendlies. Yes.
  • I gotta stay right here!

There are so many examples of all these turnarounds….they all come alive as I sit in them, slowly doing my work.

I learn from wildly successful people, I listen and read and hear.

I let it all digest inside of me, knowing I am very successful and how much I love myself and my own pace and my own style.

I notice I still love jeans. There are no rules. I also absolutely LOVE the material, smell, silky fabrics and smooth muted patterns of “business” wear. How fun.

I also notice I love money, where I used to have a push/pull love/hate relationship with it (just like food, sex, relationships, parenting, life, the universe).

“Most people think that the world is outside them. They live life backward, running after security and approval, as if by making enough money or getting enough praise they could be happy once and for all. But nothing outside us can give us what we’re looking for.” ~ Byron Katie

When I am not so afraid of absence of money, the freedom has allowed me to move with ease, fun, excitement, and no longer procrastination.

Thank you, everyone, who supported me along this road to true security and joyful freedom. And more money.

If you’re interested in being more honest about your relationship with money, getting down to the boney depths of the love and hate….bring your thoughts to a group. It can help you see what you’re thinking, that keeps you in prison. And feeling poor.

The next MONEY teleclass (8 weeks) starts in December!

Love, Grace

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Creating Money Without Hard Work or Stress

Horrible Food Wonderful Food teleclass is underway in a few hours, at 9 am pacific time. I think at the time of writing this we’re full, but if you’re really feelin’ it, hit reply…you might be able to fit right in.

Having said this….fitting just a little more in is not the approach I recommend for consuming food, and I’m sure you agree. 

If you’re full, don’t try to fit one more bite in. Unless it’s balanced, fun and joyful and you’re simply sampling the taste. 

Getting too full is so uncomfortable, right? At least for most of us. Sometimes this sensation of fullness sets off a huge torrent of self-hate as big as Niagara Falls.

I shouldn’t have consumed that, I shouldn’t have wanted it, I should have stopped myself.

But what about the opposite….what about not having enough?

Not just Not Enough food, but not enough money, attention, love, support, warmth, comfort, time, energy, health?

Not Enough can be just as stressful as Too Much.  

It’s easy to find this to feel really true, for many of us, with MONEY.

I need more money, I want lots of money, I should be earning money, I should be receiving money, I can always use more money, there is never quite enough money, other people need me to get money….

The funny thing is, I never realized I had these kinds of beliefs at such a core, troubling level until I had just about no incoming money. 

I had been laid off from my job, gotten divorced, had a cancerous tumor on my thigh, and I had not been picked (even when I was a “finalist” a bunch of times) for any of the jobs I interviewed for.

I used to think I was so mellow when it came to money. 

“You can live on peanuts!” I would say. There’s no need to buy much of anything….I’m such a NON-CONSUMER. 

All those people who have to have fancy cars and jet skis and tropical vacations and ginormous houses…they are all bound and burdened by their lifestyle and their desires. 

I am so beyond all that. I hate shopping.

And then….I got squeezed. 

It got personal. 

And guess what? It seemed I had to take a look at all my thinking, all my beliefs about money. Because my entire system of thinking about money was very painful.

I got to work. I began writing down everything I thought about money. I started with the obvious thoughts, that I needed it ASAP, that I had to work to get it, that I would fail without it, that I would LOSE without it. 

And then, as I continued going, looking at money….I discovered that I had a very snooty belief that Not Caring about money was GOOD, and Caring about money was GREEDY.

It was the same as my beliefs about food! 

Not caring, not wanting, not desiring, not chasing after it...was much betterthan wanting, craving, desiring and grabbing.

But I needed money, it appeared, if I wanted to keep my home.

I needed food, it appeared, if I wanted to keep this body alive. 

And I did want to keep living in my little cottage. I did want to be alive in this body. 

(I did The Work and questioned these…and I could see it actually being OK to not want to live in my cottage or to stay alive in my body…a lightness about it instead of so freakin’ intense). 

So is it true that you want to Not Want something? Like food, or money?

YES! OMG! I want to NOT WANT cigarettes, I want to NOT WANT that Bad Boy Boyfriend, I want to NOT WANT a car, I want to NOT WANT more money, I want to NOT WANT candy.

That’s the story of my life, of course it’s true! Absolutely!

How do you react when you believe the thought that you want to NOT WANT something?

I am so furious at myself, I’m slapping my own hands in my mind as I reach for what I want. Slapping down my desires. I hate my “wanting”. 

I am viciously critical of those people who want money, who want cars, vacations, traveling, riches. 

I ACT like I don’t want stuff that I DO want. I shove it under the rug. I think “I will NEVER admit how much I want that thing, item, person, experience.”

If people criticize me for being too aloof, or not caring enough, or not motivated enough….I write them off. Can’t they see what a genius I am, how brilliant I am to Not Want? 

So. Who would I be if I couldn’t actually have the thoughts that Not Wanting is fabulous? Or Wanting is base, childish and out-of-control?

If it really did NOT MATTER, if there really was no right or wrong about noticing that you desire something…if you could experience the passion, the fire, the wild beauty of wanting without hacking it off like a diseased branch on a tree?

I would notice a new world opening up, full of creativity, energy, fun. Like a feeling of “Hey! Let’s go get some money!”

And it would be fine if I got some, and fine if not. This is not desperation, or fearful concern. 

My house might go into foreclosure, I might move into my mother’s basement, I might not be able to pay for my children to have music lessons, or dance classes. I might not be able to go on meditation retreats. 

But it’s not a disaster. Not a tragedy. 

I am open, excited, detached, enthusiastic, full of zeal, eager…wondering what will happen next.

“We become conscious participants in the creation of form. It is not we who create, but universal intelligence that creates through us. We don’t identify with what we create and so don’t lose ourselves in what we do. We are learning that the act of creation may involve energy of the highest intensity, but that is not ‘hard work’ or stressful.” ~ Eckhart Tolle 

If you’re ready to look at Money and earning it, wanting it, keeping it…then we’re beginning an 8 week class starting December 5th. 

Questioning your beliefs about money could dissolve all hard work and stress, and leave you light and enthusiastic. I highly recommend it. You don’t have to join a class to begin, start questioning your beliefs today.

If you’re interested in the Money teleclass: Go to the website here to read more about it. 

Love, Grace

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Seeing Clearly Now With Money

In the past six months or so, I’ve had a handful of clients who live abundant lives financially, have really amazing careers (a doctor, a TV personality, a published author, a financial advisor, a psychotherapist) who have touched on some annoying or anxious thoughts about money.

I can’t make any changes in what I do, if I did…I would have less money, or no money. I have to make money. I have to keep this up. My security and comfort depends on my practice, my uniqueness, staying married, on working hard.

I used to think that people with really rockin’ careers (as in higher education and lots of work, or a thriving business) had it made.

They hit the Big Time, they were set. They could get on with other concerns, because this major one was handled.

But I realized that every single person I’ve ever worked with around money, who appeared to have it, often had the similar worries as those without it.

Last week I wrote a check to pay off my last loan (except for my house mortgage) after plummeting into debt like the Titanic about six years ago, when going through divorce.

This loan was a home equity line of credit. This is one of those loans that are offered in connection with your house. The bank lends you the money because they know that if you can’t pay, they’ll be able to take your house as back up.

Back when I had this open line of credit that I could spend, I used a small portion of it to make my garage into a room for my son…and then used the rest over a period of about 18 months to pay my regular house mortgage and buy food.

So, in other words…I used a loan on the house to pay for the house.

It would be like saying to a person who had loaned me money, “can I have another loan, so I can make monthly payments on the first loan that I already owe you?’

But at the time, it appeared to be the only option, since I went to probably 25 job interviews, still had no work, no health insurance, and my house wasn’t worth the original price, so even if I walked away and sold it, I still wouldn’t have been able to pay the debt.

Dang, that was rough!

I could have so easily foreclosed. But that’s not what happened (to read about what did happen, go to a previous Grace Note by clicking HERE).

What became clear is that the most peaceful, joyful, steady, solid way to be with all that terror about money, debt, security and loss was that I was supposed to pay off my debt, one dollar at a time if that’s what it took.

Clarity became NOT being concerned with the future, but instead feeling the beauty of the present moment, no matter what kind of worldly problems were screaming around me.

Instead of believing “I am doomed” and “it will take me forever to get out of this mess” or even “I have lost”…

…I questioned everything and kept taking one step at a time forward.

In fact, that’s all I COULD do.

I could question my thinking, look at the fearful beliefs, investigate the reality of money, houses, loans, jobs, income, employment, receiving, security…anything worrisome or stressful.

You may be someone who is not in emergency mode about money.

But I say, question your beliefs about it anyway. 

Just like all the clients I’ve mentioned who apparently have money, who noticed they still get worried about it.

You have to earn money….to have easy retirement, security in your old age, luxury in your daily life, vacations, so that you can give to your kids and friends, in order to be charitable.

You have to earn money so you never, never, ever, ever go into debt again…

…Is that true?

Yes! I will never stop! I will push, work hard, avoid vacations and free time, nose-to-the-grindstone! I will not quit! I will accumulate, gather, store, invest, and keep as much as possible, never letting up!

I will continue to advance my career! I must earn money! I must have money!

YIKES!

So yeah. Heh, heh. Does that sound stressful?

Because for me, it is, when I’m believing those thoughts. The clients with money noticed this as well.

Who would you be without the thought that you really need that money you have, you need to keep working at something that’s not very fun, you “have to” keep your money and not let it out of your sight, or be very careful with it?

Without these thoughts, I have space inside me. The world seems to be busy and active, and yet, I am still and quiet.

No stressful concern for the future.

All I know to do is be here, today, with a deep breath, relaxation, kindness to myself and to the reality moving around me.

I know when not to spend money or when to spend it, there is no compulsionto get, have, grab, store, give it away, do something.

I might store some away because it’s fun, because there’s nowhere else it needs to go at the moment. I might stop doing parts of my “work” because it isn’t meaningful, and I know to stop.

Without the stressful thoughts, I honor my own happiness. I have deep integrity with other people.

“The ideas in your head – the thoughts that tell you something about who you are and what you are worth – are ultimately illusory. It is illusory both when the thoughts are good, and when the thoughts are negative. The illusory nature can perhaps be more easily recognized when the thoughts become negative and cause suffering. Suffering can be an awakener.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Turning the thoughts around about needing to earn, maintain, have, give and keep money…

…I find that I do not need to. And, I am out of debt. That is a stunning, wonderful feeling. I am overjoyed. I have enough. I need very little. I continue to do what is next in front of me.

In these turnarounds, I free myself of illusion, even without massive suffering.

Or maybe because of massive suffering. I don’t know.

I can see clearly now.

Much love, Grace

P.S. The next 8 week Money teleclass isn’t scheduled yet, but stay tuned and watch the list below, always below Grace Notes emails, for the next one. I’d love to hear your favorite times/days, write me if you’d like to make a request!

 

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Wanting Something Reminds You To See If You Have It (You Do)

One of the most painful ways I used to pick at myself was through comparison of my life to Other People With Money.

I still notice a sense of embarrassment that appears when remembering what went on in my mind when I was in lots of turmoil about income, having enough, receiving, getting money, making money, wanting money.

I would step out of my cute little cottage and down the front porch steps between the two cherry trees to go on a walk in my neighborhood, something I did often, maybe several times a week.

I’d notice the fresh smell, look into the beautiful sky, get about 100 yards to my first right turn, and then….oh look.

Here I am again on the street of the Lucky People, the ones with all the money, who can afford the beachfront houses with docks.

One after the other images passed by, as I walked.

This gorgeous house, that ornamental tree, this lush fountain, that full sized statue from a distant land, the razor-trimmed lawn, that mercedes.

Boy, that must be nice. 

I would actually think this with a sarcastic voice.

How did they get their money? What’s the trick?! Where’d they get that marble? How can they afford to completely demolish their previous house and put up a freakin’ brand new one?

They are a million miles from me in life experience, and ten million dollars.

I am over here, living in 710 square feet and a weedy unkempt lawn not able to go see Byron Katie or do that meditation retreat because I can’t pay the program fees.

The people in these houses are having fun, they are free, secure, educated, they can breathe, fill their larders with fabulous groceries, order take-out, and attend any workshops, trainings or adventures they want.

And they probably buy jet skis instead! They don’t even realize how good they have it!

Hoooooooonnnnnk!

That honking noise means “Everyone, get out of the water, NOW!”

Guess who “everyone” is? Yes, that’s right. That would be the Complaints-About-Money Committee in my own head.

All these voices jabbering, swimming and splashing and shouting stressful, troubling, uncomfortable, Poor Me, Lucky Them beliefs.

These voices can be quite sophisticated and subtle, and faster than a speeding bullet.

They can say “well, I’m not ultra rich like THAT, I could start a non-profit (I should), I’m wasting my opportunities, I don’t even care that much about money, there are people starving so at least I’m not suffering…”

The time to stop is when you feel stress. Whatever your thoughts, when the feelings are uncomfortable or sad, or disturbing, or irritated…that’s how you know to listen to the horn when it blows, and get out.

Which means…stop, take a breath, and go get a pen and paper.

Stop believing the rapid-fire comparisons that keep a gap as wide as the Grand Canyon between me and Those Other People, between me and my own joy and happiness.

Many times, I returned home from my walk and sat down and began to write.

I would be happy if I had more money.

Is that true?

Oh, absolutely!! I can tell, because when I look at these houses and gardens and cars right out there around the corner, I KNOW those equal happiness.

Um. Yeah. Now that I realize what I just wrote…

No, I can’t absolutely know it’s true that money = happiness.

In fact, I didn’t actually see any people out there who weren’t like me, just humans out on a street moving from point A to point B.

But what about the workshops and trainings? They are happier because they can go to them!

Are you sure?

Are you sure you need a training? Are you sure you absolutely could not be happy unless in this moment you were at a meditation retreat with a great enlightened master?

Really?

Are you sure you cannot enlighten yourself, make friends with the Complaint Committee, be at peace, rest, know God/Source/Reality right where you are?

Because wouldn’t that be a weird universe if truth only existed over there, not over here?

Even if things are falling apart over here (apparently, in your opinion remember) ….like your bank balance?

Who would you be without the belief that you really need more money in order to be truly happy?

(Or education, health, beauty, peace, knowledge, wisdom, balance, silence, companionship, courage, recognition).

But, this feels almost like the opposite of the way I’ve thought since I was five.

Not needing MORE of something? Not needing some kind of improvement?

And yet…impossible or foreign as it seems at first…as you enter into this unknown territory of imagining who you would be without the belief that you need more of something….

….what fun. How incredible. Stunning.

“Everyone has equal wisdom. It is absolutely equally distributed. No one is wiser than anyone else. Ultimately, there is no one who can teach you, except yourself.” ~ Byron Katie

Turning the beliefs around that I need money, I need retreats, I need that house over there, I want success (and I know what success is)…I consider not needing any of these things.

Standing there on the street, looking all around, walking back to my cottage, entering and sitting…I feel completely how I do not need more money to have this moment, to be breathing here now, to have taken a walk.

I do not need a retreat, because as it turns out, I am in complete silence entirely alone, with a stretch of hours ahead of me….

…and who’s your favorite teacher?!!

That would be me.

And when it isn’t, thank goodness for questioning the mind!

“Whenever I want an object, it’s not really the object I want. I want the experience the object will give me. Even if it’s a secure life and lots of money, what experience will I get when I have that? Is it here now? Is there anything deeper than that? And deeper than that? It will lead you right back into a state of presence….WHY you’re wanting is because the fulfillment is already there, trying to get your attention!” ~ Adyashanti

Perhaps all the money, luxury, ease, security, knowledge, wisdom, retreats, adventure, workshops, power, or enlightenment that have entered my consciousness at the moments I’ve wanted them are because the universe was reminding me I ALREADY HAVE THEM.

Perhaps those little (or desperately huge) wantings have been gifts, reminders.

Helping me remember that there is nothing, nothing, nothing outside of me that will bring me greater happiness than is already present.

My inner truth will not let me off the hook, going swimming in the lake of believing somewhere else besides here is better.

Including sitting in a big pile of money.

Love, Grace

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Shopping Is Stressful! Investigating Money Beliefs

This past weekend I had a few stressful beliefs about Money. It made me very happy to know I am about to embark on the 8 week journey of investigation of beliefs about money, work, earning, spending with everyone who is participating.

There I was standing in a big store, looking at barbecues, thinking of buying one for my husband for our anniversary. There were small ones, medium sized ones, various brands, huge ones.

In many places there were signs that said “SALE!!”

Now, normally, I am not a big gift-giving person…not with material items, things, stuff you can hold in your hand.

It’s not that I don’t like buying and giving gifts…it just doesn’t occur to me. I know that’s very weird to hear for those of you who do like giving gifts.

I suppose I am more of a person who gives experiences and receives these as well, than actual “items”. I like very clean surfaces, smaller spaces, small amounts of stuff.

Lots of people are amazing at listening to what people want or desire, and selecting the perfect items.

I have to have something repeatedly mentioned….like my husband and I both noticing that it might be nice to BBQ food over the past five years….before I catch on.

Oh, I could actually acquire this thing, by going to a store and buying it.

I am not a cook, either. So I had no idea how much BBQs cost or that there were fifty thousand types and brands.

It was a little overwhelming. I started thinking it wasn’t a good idea after all.

Funny, my mind went from excitement about actually getting someone I care about a gift, to having the feeling “nevermind” after hunting for it.

Then I had another more unexpected expense arise, I did some banking online, and I thought even more….NEVERMIND.

  • We’ve gotten along without a BBQ for many years, why bother now?
  • I won’t use it enough, and I already have a stove in the house
  • I’ll have to clean it
  • there are other things to spend money on that will be more satisfying
  • I need to save when I can
  • I have no idea what my income will be next month, how many people in classes or individual sessions
  • better be careful
  • don’t ever want to regret purchasing something or be in that barely-making-it position again!
  • don’t buy anything unless it’s an absolute necessity! Run for your life out of the store! I hate shopping!!!

Later on, I was at home again. With no gift. And worried about my finances. On a Sunday evening.

Uh oh. Time to do The Work.

Time for a little mind surgery.

 

I sat down and wrote out my feelings, my thoughts, my perspective, from the most petty, childish, worried, innocent little point of view.

I used my computer, I wrote like a crazed person, many paragraphs, letting it spill out.

Then I had it all in text, and I could begin….

An hour later, after sitting quietly with myself and listening to my own mind, I felt lighter, more sparkly, relieved, and laughing at myself.

I’ll share with you the thoughts I questioned in tomorrow’s Grace Note, since I’m “late” getting this one out today.

But the most important thing for now is knowing what a gift it can be to give yourself the time of investigating your really stressful thoughts about money, work, earning, income, outflow.

I questioned my thinking and my experience changed, right in the same day. The feeling in my body relaxed, my mind relaxed.

I felt amused.

Before The Work….anxious, annoyed, frowning, tired, thinking about dollars and accounts and debits and credits.

After The Work….eyes wide open, gentle with myself, grateful, laughing with my husband.

“If you want to accord with the Tao, just do your job, then let go.” ~ Tao Te Ching #24

Love, Grace

P.S. Two spaces left in the Money class which starts on Thursday.

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Have Money But Still Feel Anxious

When people come to question their beliefs about Money, they usually fall into one of two categories:

  1. no money, limited income, barely enough to buy food, utilities, rent, struggling to keep surviving, difficulty with work, trouble with earning and receiving money
  2. huge desire to do something powerful with money, be free of the worry of it, wanting to make a difference, wanting the money flow to be meaningful

Not long ago I was working with someone who has plenty of money in her bank account.

But something bothered her deeply about her free time, the way she spent her money, her semi-retirement status.

She felt guilty, disconnected from the feeling of “drive”, lazy, pointless…maybe even slightly depressed.

She had grown children, a husband who was a super successful lawyer, and she did not want anything….

….except more meaning in her life.

She was sometimes bored. 

She attended lots of spiritual conferences and retreats, meditated, did yoga, traveled extensively. But if she thought about REALLY going for it and following her interests, she pulled back, afraid that she might lose a good thing, lose the support (in the form of money) that she had.

Clearly her problem wasn’t lack of money, but, there was something about this having of it that felt out of sorts.

I actually had the thought “gosh, I’d love to have that problem….”

And then she told me about how she couldn’t talk about this “problem” with anyone in her life because they all got jealous, thought she should be appreciative of her incredibly abundant situation financially, and stop complaining.

I snapped out of it, and looked at this set of beliefs she was bringing for inquiry…a deep feeling of lack of importance, that she “should” be grateful, and worry about other peoples’ criticisms.

I loved that I got this chance to be there and inquire myself, through her honesty and intention, and find out more about money.

It’s a very painful thought to think “I’ll just keep being bored or listless, or not feel much purpose….I should be doing more, but I don’t want to risk the good amount of money that I do have.”

It adds to the pain to believe you shouldn’t be feeling the way you actually feel.

Believing we should be doing MORE than we are doing is rough, or that if we step out into doing something new and unusual, that we could lose our financial stability.

“I should be doing something more….meaningful, important, fun, supportive, interesting, passionate, eye-catching, exciting, charitable, helpful….but that would be risky.”

Is that true?

Seems true. Seems like a lot of my time is spent taking care of myself and my family, gathering my nuts and storing them, and trying not to lose any of my money.

When I have this thought….even if quite low in stress level, I have a heavy feeling in the body. I think I’m not good enough. I feel guilty. Disappointed.

I get fearful thoughts about not having money, I feel anxious when I spend money. But I still buy stuff, since I have it.

Who would you be without the thought that you should be doing MORE with your life and that it’s scary to do something unusual, out of the status-quo, radical, or that you don’t need to worry about a future?

I wouldn’t have a feeling of hurry-hurry-hurry. I wouldn’t feel lethargic or self-condemning. I’d gently take care of myself. I wouldn’t compare myself to other people and THEIR success.

I’d give more, without nervousness.

The woman I facilitated answered that without her thought that she should be doing more, she could relax.

She found that without the thought that she should do more with all her abundance and time….she was enormously relieved.

Without the thought, she noticed that there were some ideas that excited her, a creative spark that lit. She might not WANT to travel all the time, she might not WANT to host parties, there may be some very thrilling things she could become involved in.

The turnaround: I do not need to do more with my life or worry about losing my money.

What if that was as true or truer than the original thought? What if whatever was being done was just right?

What if I need to DO less with my life? No need to orchestrate, push, control, plan, invest well, keep, hold on?

What if I stopped “trying” so hard to achieve, make a difference, accomplish, protect?

I might become fearless about money coming, and money going. Respectful, moving from my hand to that other place, and other money moving into my hand again (or not).

“I’ve never seen a work or money problem that didn’t turn out to be a thinking problem. I used to believe that I needed money to be happy. Even when I had a lot, I was often sick with the fear that something terrible would happen and I would lose it. I realize now that no amount of money is worth that kind of stress.” ~ Byron Katie

Who would I be without my money story?

I keep learning about it, every day, unraveling my beliefs….so very exciting. Such freedom.

“The Master observes the world but trust his inner vision. He allows things to come and go. His heart is open as the sky”. ~Tao Te Ching #12

Love, Grace

P.S. Click right below to read all about the upcoming 8 week Money teleclass. It’s such an adventure to question all the thinking about money, service, rejection, selling, employment. Join us!

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Time To Really Care About Money

Money.

What a lot of beliefs about one single topic! Where do we even begin?

This morning I was sitting on my pretty cream-colored leather sofa with my laptop, the little cottage quiet and cool in the dawn summer morning.

For many years, I sat on an ugly, torn, tan, ragged sofa in the very same spot.

It would hurt my left hip, because my butt sank so low into the crevas between the back and the seat, I practically sank through to the floor.

I grew up with that old couch. I believe my parents purchased it in the late 60s. It used to have a matching couch, but that one broke during a potluck gathering dinner about 15 years ago.

One of my friends, a guest, sat down and the couch caved in to the ground.

But I didn’t get rid of the second one! I couldn’t afford a new couch!

The gorgeous cream-colored couch I sit on now I bought six months ago.

I have carried many very painful beliefs about money, about buying things, selling things, selling services, trading money for fun, storing money, saving money, accessing money.

And over time (it’s taken a few years, ahem) I have felt myself getting lighter and lighter and freer and more thrilled and more excited about money…whether its in my hand (or my bank account) or not.

The reason it took me so very long to buy a new couch to sit on related to a huge pile of unpleasant and unquestioned and opposing beliefs.

If you had asked me, I might not have been able to even tell you these beliefs were present.

I had to undo them like peeling an onion. And yes, it made me cry. I have spent a lot of time worried, unhappy, and depressed about money.

I created for myself a lot of sadness and anxiety.

Here were many of my beliefs:

  • its very hard to get, earn, find, acquire money
  • I don’t have anything worth trading for money
  • I can do without….its almost easier, then no terror of losing money
  • when people (maybe me) get loads of money, they become selfish, greedy, sick, unspiritual, ruthless, anxious, and bossy
  • men like women who don’t want money or things that cost money….and since I like men, its dangerous to want money
  • when I have no money, I have no power
  • when I have no power, I don’t get to choose, decide, live, or be how I really want to be
  • I must work and not be picky about it
  • everything that is wonderful costs money
  • I can’t live an opulent, luxurious, rich, interesting life without lots of money
  • my life with money is a huge disappointment

It is very painful to believe these thoughts…it meant for me that life couldn’t be fun without money, and since money was too hard to acquire, that life couldn’t be fun.

My attitude was to make do, survive, and ignore money.

Like it was the crazy uncle who might be dangerous, so better stay away. Don’t ask too many questions.

Danger!

One of the first times I really sat with money and what it truly meant to me, I had so many images in my head I was confused.

It was like I had a huge committee screaming totally opposing ideas, solutions to this Great Problem of Money.

I began, however, with the first thought that I wrote down.

“I am upset about Money because I need more of it.”

I then asked myself the four questions, doing The Work.

Is it true that I need more money?

Are you kidding me? Have you seen my bank statement? I only have ten dollars left to my name!

But in that exact moment, sitting quietly, did I need more money?

Did I have enough food to eat? Yes. Did I have air to breathe? Yes.

I even had an old used car, a cute cottage, clothes, a whole kitchen with silverware and pots and pans and an oven.

But I need more money in order to have fun, to feel secure and safe, to feel at home, to feel comfortable, abundant, stable, peaceful, confident, powerful!

Was that actually true?

Was having more money the way to get these things?

Wow. No. I could experience any of these emotional states by questioning my thinking, by simply noticing that they were present.

All these elements were alive and breathing all around me, in most creative and interesting and mysterious ways: safety was here, security, stability, comfort, abundance, confidence, power, peace.

I could find examples of every single thing, how all of this was here, now, in this amazing moment called Now.

I began to look at the opposites of all that I believed, and try them on, just to investigate. I found concrete, genuine examples for every turnaround here, that I knew to be true already:

  • its very easy to get, earn, find, acquire money. Gosh, come to think of it, I’ve had about 50 jobs in my lifetime.
  • I have an infinite amount of ideas, service, creativity, skill, experience worth trading for money
  • I can do with or without, there is no fear necessary either way, I need not be concerned with any future
  • when people (maybe me) get loads of money, they become generous, giving, healthy, spiritual, discerning, calm, and easy-going
  • money has nothing to do with relationship unless you believe ancient thoughts that have been passed along for generations
  • when I have no money, I have lots of power: I am focused, clear, I know what my priority is, I feel determined!
  • when I have no power, I get set free to surrender into being how I really want to be
  • I do not ever have to work, and I can be picky about it in an exciting way and adjust, ask for, and explore what I like
  • everything that is wonderful does not have anything to do with money
  • I can live an opulent, luxurious, rich, interesting life without lots of money
  • my life with money is a huge teacher and success

Finally, I realized that I could go to a luxurious furniture store, with a lovely salesman, and smell the beautiful leather, and notice the colors, the styles, the artistic design, the beauty of all the play and energy that went into making every piece of furniture there.

I could find out how much my favorite sofa cost, and realize that I could come up with that much money because of all my ease, relaxation, inquiry and peace around every dollar that came and went through my life.

I said yes to questioning my troubling beliefs about money, and when I said yes to listening to these thoughts, and spent time with them….money started showing up much more often.

“Authentic inquiry is allowing yourself to care, to take on the weightless burden of caring. Everyone knows what it’s like to inquire out of intellectual interest–asking for the sake of asking or because you think you should. This is not caring. When you care about something, it gets inside of you. It gets inside the shell that keeps you from being affected or bothered, the shell that keeps anything really new from happening.” ~ Adyashanti

If you’re wanting support to question your beliefs about work, money, business and earning….if you want something new to happen….then come join our group next Thursday, July 11th, 5:15-6:45 pm Pacific time for 8 weeks. Click HERE to register.

If you need some scholarship help, write and ask me: grace@workwithgrace.com

Love, Grace

Dear Grace,

Thank you. A year ago you gave me a discounted place on one of your business courses. I went into it open minded but not exactly sure what (if any) impact it would have.

At the very outset of the course I remember you saying that we should deal with whatever will stop us from fully participating in the course.

That simple challenge meant it was the first course that I have taken that I completely participated in (and I have taken a lot of courses).

I am still working with my issues around money, however in terms of my business…

… it doubled within a year of taking the course.

Working with you was a major consciousness shift.

It was a brilliant and worthwhile investment on many levels.

Thank you for your valuable work – and very welcome grace notes.

~ JC, Kenya  

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Money and Sexuality Teleclasses Start Next Week

Next week two teleclasses begin: One on Money and many threads that relate to Money and the opposing or uncomfortable beliefs we have about it.

The other on Sexuality and all those thoughts that are most nerve-wracking or frightening or frustrating about THAT topic.

If you’re interested in either one click over to the teleclasses page. You can click on any teleclass page to read all about it.

Both Money and Sexuality are considered very sensitive issues. As in, so sensitive, you may not want to discuss them. Or hear other people discuss them.

It’s like there are certain codes socially that we may find ourselves automatically following, without even questioning whether they are true:

  • never say how much money you make to anyone, especially close friends or family
  • don’t talk about your attractions to other people, it causes trouble
  • don’t ask questions about sexuality, or express concerns—you’ll be embarrassed
  • if you’ve ever owed a lot of money, make sure to keep a lid on that information (people will judge you as a loser)
  • if you’ve ever had a difficult or violent sexual encounter, don’t tell anyone
  • if you’ve been in a troubling financial or sexual situation, there might be something wrong with you
  • don’t do business with friends or family, people get upset and it could ruin the relationship for life
  • if you make a lot of money or enjoy a lot of physical pleasure, people will get jealous, criticize you, feel envious, or think you are undeserving….so keep that under wraps
  • don’t talk about the details of your sexual encounters! Ewww!

I notice that people feel pretty nervous sometimes when we all gather together to identify our most troubling beliefs about Money, Work and Business OR Sexuality.

There are so many assumptions to move through, just to even be able to say your beliefs about these topics out loud! Yikes!

But as someone said recently….it’s so worth it.

Step Number One of The Work is seeing what you’re believing under the surface. These are the thoughts that you think, based on your past experience, that color how you look at your relationship with money, at how you feel about sexual feelings, attractive people, desire, or acquiring things with money, selling things, receiving money, earning money.

Step One is identifying your most upsetting beliefs. Good news: it’s not very difficult to find them.

They are there, often right in front of us in our heads (and felt in our bodies) when we have a stressful experience around one of these topics.

Something happens, and we feel worried, frustrated, anxious.

Our minds start running. These stressful thoughts are the petty, childish, embarrassing, judgmental, bitter, critical, mean, defensive, angry thoughts that are all there anyway, hanging back in the shadows.

They come out when we think we’re in danger, or threatened, or afraid that some past experience will repeat itself.

One of my most favorite discoveries in my life has been the numerous times I’ve found that telling the whole truth, asking all my questions, exposing my inner thoughts….has led to enormous freedom.

Who would you be without the thought that you shouldn’t talk about money or sex, for the danger of other people judging you, or other people behaving with uncertainty, or other people being upset, or feeling rejected?

Who would you be without the thought that you need to be quiet on these topics?

I found that when I didn’t force myself to keep thoughts about money or sexuality hidden, when I wasn’t frightened of my own thinking…..then I could use the thoughts, the issues, the beliefs I have had about these topics to become enlightened.

These areas of life offered amazing areas of investigation, for me to find out what was really true for me, to feel the peace and unconditional love available to anyone.

Who would you be without the thought that you have to hide, avoid, push away, or destroy your thinking or memories around these subjects?

You may find it’s safe to talk about them and investigate them, and a weight that has been on your mind (or physically on your body) becomes much lighter.

You may find that in your investigation and in your safety that other areas of your life, that have nothing to do with money or sexuality, become more clear, loving, and easy.

“There’s no intimacy when we’re in fear and there’s no love when we’re in fear…..it’s there, it’s just that our awareness of it is broken. So we experience this separateness. So what I invite people to do is to identify when they’re stressed out and look at their relationship, you know love and sex and what we’re all talking about here in this particular time together. We look at what we’re believing about our partner, and that either turns us off or it turns us on, physically.” ~ Byron Katie 

Finding out what you’re thinking about money or sexuality, for me, has been finding out what I fear and what I love.

What turns me on, or turns me off…with working, loving, spending, giving, receiving, being, conversing, connecting…finding out what I am believing is an amazing journey!

Come join other inquirers in exploring your thoughts and beliefs, what you have learned, observed, repeated to yourself, worried about, feared…..and see what can happen.

You may be surprised.

Who would you be without your stories around money, attraction, promotion, receiving, giving?

Who would you be if you felt joy, happiness, simplicity, love, health and ease with money or with sexuality?

“Not-knowing is true knowledge. Presuming to know is a disease. First realize that you are sick; then you can move toward health. The Master is her own physician. She has healed herself of all knowing. Thus she is truly whole.” ~ Tao Te Ching #71 

Money Teleclass: July 11-Aug 29, 5:15-6:45 pm PT, 8 weeks
Sexuality Teleclass: July 12-Aug 30, Noon-1:30 pm PT, 8 weeks

Freedom To Speak
“Thanks to all of you for such a wonderful teleclass and the freedom to speak about sex as if I was talking about a nose or arm, how cool that we have this time together…and thank you Grace for having the foresight to bring this topic to the open space of presence for us to question it.” ~ Tanya, teleclass participant

Marketing Became Easy 
“Through Grace and her class, I confronted my issues with marketing my business with patience, ease and self-compassion. She helped me open up to all my fears and depression over this issue and move beyond that without pressure and impatience. I learned so much from this course. I highly recommend it. It helped me understand that real freedom is not a how-to-do-it job. It is through being with myself as I am that I can find all the love and enthusiasm I relish from life. Results came out of who I was being, not in doing it “right” or through effort.”- Ben, teleclass participant

Love, Grace