Month: May 2019

Breitenbush Hotsprings retreat with Tom Compton and me here. Only 12 days away. There are actually just a couple of spaces (it’s often sold out by about now, so maybe there’s a spot because it’s for YOU). We begin the evening of Weds 6/12 at 7 pm and end Sunday 6/16 at lunch. Call Breitenbush to register 503.854.3320.

Have you ever felt like you have so many things going on, you begin to fantasize about quitting it all?

Dramatic pictures of leaving it all behind and living in a hut somewhere.

Except I know someone who did that and it wasn’t fun. At all. Mind came with her. And suffering. And hardship.

Really….what helps is inquiry and noticing “overwhelm” and the expectations the mind has for what must be accomplished.

• I should watch that learning video
• I should complete my homework
• I should finish watching the Pema Chodron meditation course
• I should re-watch the Michael Singer course and re-read Surrender Experiment (that was soooo good)
• I should be working on fall retreat location
• I should finish that spreadsheet
• I should be updating the website
• I should be getting things ready for Summer Camp and Year of Inquiry

This is only a tiny slight beginning that veered off into business-like tasks. There are so many other things I should be doing too.

Like dusting the house, cleaning out the fridge, and ordering the trigger balls I’m supposed to get for physical therapy (which is WORKING).

OK, just ordered those. It was something I could do in five minutes, right in the middle of this inquiry.

I love how we humans like small, tiny, incremental changes. We like what’s manageable, what we believe we CAN handle. Order those trigger balls? OK. Done.

There’s something sweet about it really. Something realistic, normal, middle way, simple.

But I should do all those things I think I should do.

Is it true?

Those things are required if I want success.

Is it true?

How do you react when you believe you should do all that stuff. You know the list. The endless list. If you accomplish one thing, the next thing appears.

When I believe I should…I scare myself.

And when I’m scared, I either give up/give in, I quit, or I attack something or someone and feel like a rebel.

In the Eating Peace Program that’s running right now, several participants have the belief “I should do all the lessons, homework, journaling, calls, absorb all that’s offered here.”

Others aren’t thinking this, they are sitting steady with it, doing what they can. Taking one bite at a time, chewing, digesting, and then moving on. Or not.

A balanced way of it.

I’ve had the endless thought I need to x, y, z in order to be truly successful with money. Right now I’m failing. I’m building a mother-in-law apartment for my actual mother in my back yard, and turns out I need to borrow money for it that I didn’t want to borrow.

Drama enters the vision of the future. I’ve ruined my debt-free existence, I’ve broken my promise to never borrow anything or go into debt again, I’ve added years and years of work or worry to my life, I’ll never retire, I’m a poor planner with money and projects.

My divorce changed my entire trajectory of life with money and that was such a shame it ever happened twelve years ago. Ugh.

I should, I should have, I shouldn’t, I should. 

Me and money. A drama forever.

Is that actually true?

Sigh.

No.

How do you react when you believe you should or even in the past you should HAVE already?

Good lord.

We not only think we should be behaving, thinking, doing, accomplishing something NOW….but we also should be in the past, when it’s actually completely over.

How do I react?

Depressed, discouraged. Terrible images of the future. I’m 80 years old and working, and forgetting things because I have memory problems so I’m not helpful to clients and I’m on food stamps or a burden to others. I never saved for retirement, never achieved that success. I have images of a half-built MIL in the back yard, plywood, ugly eyesore reminding me of failure on a daily basis.

Cry.

I have images of what I expected with my life when I first had kids and got married, and how things have gone terribly downhill since then.

(Don’t worry, I know that is complete bull. These are the images though).

So who would I be without this story in the moment that I am not succeeding, and things are going wrong….and most importantly that I SHOULD be doing (or have done something) I am not? 

Ha ha!

I’m just here, noticing.

The humor I have at such a deep abiding place of child-like joy suddenly appears again.

But even if you don’t have ANY humor (not yet) about your situation, just notice this moment now, without a belief that failure is happening, or the list should be ticked off.

Imagine.

This is the art of imagination.

So is believing your thoughts.

Mind imagines, that’s what it does. So let’s give it a more open, expansive, wondering story, a surrendered story.

Why not? In this world of duality, it’s just as possible to dream of not having a belief be true than to find proof it is true.

What are the turnarounds?

I don’t have to do anything. I even SHOULD NOT do anything on the list. I should do at all.

Perhaps just being, which I notice I am already.

Nothing missing. Breathing in this moment, even when money is taking a nose dive, even when my feelings are challenging, even when failure appears to be happening.

Being. Here.

Are there good reasons for not doing anything on the list? What are they?

I need to borrow more money than anticipated, and it’s a good things because….

….it keeps me in this amazing business of inquiry, where it’s my job to inquire and share and question. It keeps me connecting to others honestly about money issues (like the architect and the builder).

It brings me awareness of how what happened in the past, including divorce, was brilliant. So many endlessly good reasons for that to have occurred in my life. I wouldn’t be writing this note, nor have thousands of people reading this (which is shocking) if I had not gotten divorced. My world expanded times 10,000.

So did my capacity to earn money and work with money, and it’s still a work in progress, which is AH-MAZING! It feels limitless, slow, steady, just right…which is peaceful, supported.

I love the dear ones in Eating Peace program who are a part of the revolution of not dieting, not forcing, and inquiring for freedom–the new friends/clients/students sticking it out in the exploration of the unknown.

All of us finding our way together. A mystery of love, support, truth.

And each one who feels too overwhelmed, good for me for assisting in my improvements, my refining, my openness to sharing and shifting whatever needs to happen to support everyone’s freedom.

I also love the one who divorced me for giving me such an incredible gift of strength and finding how to stand on my own two feet, and be with others genuinely in ways I never thought possible.

What do you find today that you thought you should or shouldn’t be doing….that is not fundamentally true?

Who would you be without your story?

And if all you can do is notice….that’s enough. That’s plenty.

To listen or watch Peace Talk podcast, my guest this time is Nadine Ferris-France. One thing we both went through and applied The Work like gangbusters?

DIVORCE.

She and I will be teaching an 8 week course called Divorce/Break-Up is HELL: Is It True?

We love working with those who show up. Such an amazing opportunity for wild, unexpected change….really.

Listen to Nadine’s journey, on far more than transforming beliefs about divorce right here:

• June 27th East West Books evening 7-9 pm.
• June 12-16, 2019 Breitenbush Retreat with Tom Compton
• Summer Camp for The Mind Online Inquiry
• Divorce Is Hell 8 week course Aug 18-October 13, 2019 Sundays 11 am PT/ 7 pm UK with Nadine Ferris France
• Year of Inquiry begins Sept 8, 2019–a whole year of monthly topics in The Work, and sharing inquiry together
• always free: First Friday inquiry power hour (90 mins) 7:45am PT
• Eating Peace Annual Retreat Jan 15-20, 2020

Breitenbush Hotsprings retreat with Tom Compton and me here. June 12 evening-June 16 morning. 26 CEUs, 24 ITW credits. Call Breitenbush with any questions (if your Q’s are about curriculum, hit reply and I’ll answer). 503.854.3320.

I’m having a moment.

I think I must be the luckiest person in the world to have such a job as sitting with people sharing this process called The Work.

I just hugged goodbye on Sunday all the fascinating people who came to spring retreat in Seattle.

Honestly, I never know how exactly any retreat will turn out. I have an inner collection of exercises to bring out inquiry, and we move into them if and when it feels right.

It’s like taking the temperature of this unique group, in this place and time, and digging into the medicine of self-inquiry.

And all that’s ever truly needed is The Work. Identifying our thoughts, writing them down, answering four questions, finding turnarounds.

In this past spring retreat, we considered a profound question we can ask (it’s written about in Loving What Is) that helps identify our beliefs about the world:

What’s the worst that could happen?

Everyone began where they were: writing a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on that stressful moment rising to the surface–the one yelling “look at me! look at me!”

Then, once we had investigated some of our thinking about our situations, we looked at worse case scenarios that rose to the surface.

These are the conditions the inquirers found painful in the particular work they were doing….The Worst:

• the election goes a certain way, and my candidate loses and the other candidate wins
• all my co-workers think I’m weird
• I live in my childhood home for the rest of my life and never marry or have children
• I die alone in an apartment at an old age, and no one notices
• I can’t pay my bills
• The disease never goes away
• My partner leaves me for someone else
• I’m married but living a separate life across the country from my spouse

What is one “worse case scenario” you notice appears in your mind?

 

I’ve probably had them all.

 

But so as not to be overwhelming, this question asking “what’s the worst that could happen?” can be placed on whatever is in front of you right now….the situation of concern in the moment.

 

It doesn’t have to be about the entire world or what you think of as the worst grand huge thing that could ever happen, like the planet blowing up or all humans being attacked by zombies.

 

We don’t have to get that dramatic.

 

In fact, I love noticing the fearful situations and images we have running in the background are often about being alone, having no support, needing something that isn’t here, suffering.

 

I’m losing something, I won’t get something I want (something’s missing). 

 

As I sat taking in everyone’s images during retreat of those difficult outcomes they feared, in popped an idea of my own:

I’ll never be successful like that. 

(Fill in the blank for yourself. Partner, Body, Paycheck, Income, Job, Business, Stage Presence, Creativity, Leadership, Patience, Enlightenment, Speech-Giver).

I see that other option, the one where someone has “made it” in show biz, they’ve invented something brilliant, they’re a famous surgeon, they have a partner who’s amazing, they have a way with people that is unique and genius, they’ve found truth, peace, love, abundance….

….Not me.

I don’t have that (whatever it is).

Not successful. Didn’t make it. Picture of me having some gigantic bill due and no more capacity to work to earn any money.

This is terrible that it turned out this way.

Is it true?

Well, it’s true I didn’t do it THAT way (success image in my head).

But can you absolutely know it’s true that this terrible situation is All Horrible All The Time?

No.

How do you react when you think THIS is not good….THAT is much better, more successful.

Very disappointed. So sad. Like the air is let out of my sail, or out of the balloon. I’ll never have THAT, oh sad day. Pity for myself. Self-criticism or self-abuse: I never, I should have, I didn’t….

And I treat this moment, and me inside it, as if it’s not good enough.

A complaint.

Who would you be without your thought that this is terrible (that worse case scenario)?

Hmmm.

I’d notice, in my situation (end of life, no money, big bill) that things are extremely simple. Simple room, simple chair, not too many gizmos and gadgets around. Sweet quiet.

The bill will soon not be much of a problem (I’ll be dead). But right now, it’s not one either.

It doesn’t mean I don’t care, or that I’m ignoring it. I have a CAN-DO feeling about it. I’m asking for help from experts. I have a phone.

Turning the thought around:

This situation–yes, the same one we just pictured (the worst)–is actually the BEST way it could ever go.

THIS is success, for me.

How could this be just as true, or truer?

I love how during the retreat as I suggested “why would this situation be the BEST thing that happened?”….

….one woman gasped out loud and said “Oh Grace! No!”

Chuckle.

And then, she began to find examples.

One, then two, then three.

People are amazing.

Who would you be if you were not afraid that life might not go the way you like?

Open. Strong. Joyful.

Now, that sounds like success to me, especially when things look a little dire and we’re not sure what’s going to happen.

Breitenbush Hotsprings, Oregon retreat June 12-16th still has a few spots, but it’s almost full. It’s 3 weeks away from last night.

What if you could leave the weight of worry about worse-case-scenarios in the river at Breitenbush?

Join us. 503.854.3320

And even if you never, ever go on a retreat, you can do this work.

You can question your thinking about “terrible” and “worse” and turn your thinking around….to “wonderful” and “best”.

I’d love to hear what you find, if you can find examples.

Much love,

Grace

• June 27th East West Books evening 7-9 pm.
• June 12-16, 2019 Breitenbush Retreat with Tom Compton
• Summer Camp for The Mind Online Inquiry
• Divorce Is Hell 8 week course Aug 18-October 13, 2019 Sundays 11 am PT/ 7 pm UK with Nadine Ferris France
• Year of Inquiry begins Sept 8, 2019–a whole year of monthly topics in The Work, and sharing inquiry together
• always free: First Friday inquiry power hour (90 mins) 7:45am PT

I’m a little unconventional and sometimes just a wee rebellious (aren’t we all).

Today is Mother’s Day and has been in the US for about 100 years. I notice it never occurs to me to actually plan on writing about the current season or holiday or special day that everyone is celebrating  just because everyone is doing it.

As you know, I go with the thought I’ve noticed creating stress, the one inviting inquiry at the moment.

Today, there was a lot of morning commentary on this day called Mother’s Day, it turns out, that it became the topic of what this mind began thinking about!

I personally haven’t wanted brunch, gifts or “happy mother’s day” greeting cards as a mother. I love that life brings me into regular contact with my children (now young adults) but more importantly with mothering, whether my kids are here or not.

I found out something interesting today, when my husband started reading out loud to me about the history of mother’s day from his laptop.

Anna Jarvis, who was honoring her mother at the memorial of her mother’s death during this time of year in the early 1900s, was responsible for submitting the day as an official holiday in the United States.

A decade later, she was jailed for disturbing the peace at a candy factory churning out “mother’s day” products. She disliked the commercialization. She considered the way the holiday had gone to be missing the entire point.

LOL.

Intrigued, I looked up the word “mother” and the origins of the old word.

It’s very old. It sounds similar in many languages.

It comes from “mater” in Latin. The physical world of matter. Giving birth to the physical.

A “mat” is a woven collection of reeds and plants from the earth. Made of the physical matter of ‘mother/matter’ earth.

Inquiry, investigation, clarity, consciousness about “mother” and what it means…

…this interests me.

What is “mother”? What are my thoughts, images and ideas about mother?

There’s the mother we experienced as children, the ideal mothering we’ve imagined, the mothering we ourselves have done (and you can be any gender or age reading this, and if you’ve ever tended to anything or brought anything to life in physical form, then you’ve mothered it in some way).

I love how Byron Katie mentions from time to time that she did The Work on her own mother for 3 years daily. Or, maybe it was one year. A long time.

Then, Roxann, Katie’s daughter mentioned that she, too, did The Work on her mother for 3 years.

The mother of our pasts, the mother in our minds, the mother we remember, the mother who hurt our feelings, the mother we’re angry with, but even the mother we appreciated and loved so very much and learned so much from (we can keep the good-feeling stories if we like them, or not) or the mother who is absent.

This morning as I listened and sat in meditation, I had the thought “I have a mother” and “I am a mother”.

And then the question “Is it true?”

Well, er….yeah. I mean, what are you talking about? Of course it’s true!

Except…right now in my quiet meditation space in a living room with the sounds of many birds singing outside and an occasional car noise like a motor, or a door closing…

….I “have” a mother….I am a mother….

True?

I notice I can’t know this is true when it comes to the physical form of “my” mother, or of “my” children. None of those are present (except in my mind). My thoughts see these characters (my mother, my son, my daughter) all busy living their lives doing what they do in different physical locations in the “material” mother world.

And I’m loving this quiet morning here, so beautiful. Wind chimes now. Silence. A bowl of strawberries.

Oh look, it’s deciding to write.

I have a mother. I don’t have a mother. Are either of these true?

No. I am completely and fully and entirely supported in every way. Physically nourished. Clothing. Lovely sweater wrapped around me. A last-minute brand new client unexpectedly added on this morning who was so sweet. Sacred texts. Silence. Being left alone. Writing. Cool clear water from a hand made glass. Inquiry. Mind.

Surrounded by “matter” mother. SURROUNDED.

I have a mother–true?

I don’t have a mother–true?

I am a mother–true?

In my past, yes. In my heart and mind, yes. In this moment mothering is happening, yes.

It all only depends on what I’m perceiving, the story I’m telling, the proof I’m aware of, the images being conjured up.

I notice what happens when I have thoughts about mother’s absence or the ideal mother who should have been or my own mothering that should have been different….

….only then am I disturbed. 

And what happens when I believe the mothering I received could have been better, (or could have been worse)? When I believe something about mother should be different, whether now or before or later?

Suffering, anger, sadness, grief, longing.

When I believe I have a mother: images and thoughts. The good-feeling memories, the troubled ones that hurt. Heart-break sometimes.

When I believe I don’t have a mother: anger, furious, small, powerless, abandoned. Images of being a victim.

When I believe I AM a mother: images of my children and cradling them when they were babies all the way to images of them as adults and astonished at how it all changes and morphs.

Only if I believe I am a mother and that means (fill in the blank with something stressful) do I become upset.

What happens when I don’t have any thought that I have a mother, I don’t have a mother, or that I am a mother?

It almost seems funny.

I can’t prove these are true in this moment. I can tell all kinds of stories about giving birth, or being a child. They are from the past.

I guess to be here on planet earth in a body, I needed a mother human to give birth to me…but I remember nothing about that birth.

This physical body is evidence I had a mother. But I have one right now?

Hmmm. Don’t see the one in my imagination. Not here today in the living room.

If physical body is the proof, then I look around in this moment.

None of those imagined characters are here.

However. It’s true I see matter everywhere. I’m sitting on it, surrounded by it, infused with it, hearing it make noise, seeing shapes and sizes and colors, feeling this body pulsating, a brown cushion lying on its side on the couch.

How do I react when I believe thoughts about mother? What happens when I have a mother, or I don’t have one, or I am one? Mind jumps all over the places, looking. Showing images. Running like a little machine.

Who would I be without one single stressful story of mother? Who would I be without the belief that I had a mother, I have a mother, I don’t have a mother, I AM a mother?

No beliefs that shout with suffering cries: “mother should, I should, I want, mother wants, I need, mother needs, I am, mother is, I never want, mother never wants”…..?

Who would I be right now in the presence of “mother” thoughts without any belief that “mother” should be different than it is?

Wow.

Mind stops for a sec. It feels spacious. Sort of….magical, just for a tiny moment. Nothing special, but this moment so full, sparkling. Everywhere I look, everything I hear is astonishing. I have no idea what anything means or what anything is for.

Without my conclusions about mother, I’d be massively curious. I’d wonder about mothering itself as a verb.

I’d be mothered. I’d be mothering. Mothering would be me. Mothering would be happening. I’d be mothering my thinking, and my thoughts would be mothering me.

Mothering, mattering. 

I’d be noticing what’s here and how fascinating the world is right in this moment.

I look up from my writing and out my big picture window into the front yard, and on the street, which often has walkers out in front, there’s a woman and a little girl. They pause as the girl does a handstand. Then they continue out of sight.

I chuckle. A little theater show of possible mother-daughter right in front of me. Mother waiting for child, a moment in time. Birds tweeting still. Leaves rustling.

I consider my history and all those images I’ve fought and inquiry I’ve brought forward about mother and what should or should not have happened, and what should or should not happen in the future, and what I myself should have done in mothering my children, or not done….

….and I notice a stunning sense of gratitude in this moment about all the mothering of the world. All that’s ever happened in my entire life is supported by mothering.

Every. Single. Second.

When I needed to be left alone for my next step in evolution, I was. When I needed to do something by myself for the first time, it was presented to me. When I needed to serve constantly and understand how to do that without suffering, that was in my life (having kids for example).

When I needed to have silence and ease, it was always available (I didn’t always take it).

When I needed a person to be mothering to me, there were countless. When I need me to be a mother to myself or others, it came forth.

Except my in my mind, mothering is here.

What “matters” is here.

Could this all be just as true?

Yes.

And when I think it isn’t, I can investigate.

I realize suddenly in this writing, that I am a mother, even in this moment where no children appear to be present.

I am a mother in inquiry. We all are.

I am mothering my own thoughts and beliefs, and have been doing this as best I can for many years and many sittings.

I continue holding the mind with loving, mothering energy as long as it’s needed until perhaps it can walk by itself (and it’s OK too if it never can).

I ask Question Four “who would I be?”

I wonder. I find such exciting answers. I connect to the capacity to feel love, unconditional love–the ultimate shining experience of motherness. I am still here, finding the way to let mind rest.

Something called “me” is finding a way back, always, to loving kindness, gratitude, peace.

“When there is fear, pain, confusion or sadness moving in you, do not despair or come to conclusions about yourself. Be honoured that these misunderstood guests, at once both ancient and timeless, weary from a lifetime’s lonely travel, have finally found their home in you. They are children of consciousness one and all, beloved children of yourself, deserving of the deepest respect and friendship. Offer them the deep rest of yourself, and let them warm their toes by your raging fire…” ~ Jeff Foster

Thank you for The Work of Byron Katie for all the mothering it’s done for me. Giving birth to new ways of seeing everything.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. It’s not too late to come to spring retreat and give your heart the gift of nurturing the thoughts that have plagued you about life, or mothering. There’s even a room for you if you need to stay onsite. We begin Wednesday. A perfect mothering gift for yourself. Information here. Or hit reply and ask.

Our Year of Inquiry group had such a powerful session yesterday.

We’ve just begun Month Nine and our topic is Underlying Beliefs and Revisiting the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

I always say this every month about every topic, but this really is one of my favorites….it allows us to sit with the JYN prompts, before we even apply the four questions….and fill it out as a meditation.

When I take time to go very slowly and identify my thinking, my objections, my worries, my fears, what I truly wanted, what I believe should have happened, what I needed….and really write it the way I’m perceiving it, listening to myself with great acceptance….wow.

My entire perspective of life is revealed in just one situation.

I was so moved by the inquirer in our Year of Inquiry call, so very touched, because I could follow right along with her and do my own work.

Her situation: taking a relative to dinner who has been living on the street for several months, deep in drug use. The relative asked to spend the night on her couch, and she said no. Dropping the relative back on the street, she felt guilty and frightened.

As she did her work (me asking the four questions), everyone on the call did our own inquiry along with her, silently.

We pictured a moment where we believed someone could get hurt, something terrible could happen, we could experience loss, guilt, pain….the world is a harsh place, the street is dangerous, sickness, homelessness, death is bad. 

I had images of some of my own family, when they’ve been in pain.

I saw all the people feeling so frustrated about eating issues and suffering over compulsion, all the alcohol users, the people in psych wards or hospice I’ve visited.

I thought of a client who came once with severe depression who sat on my couch and cried, he had so much grief, and then said he wasn’t up to doing The Work….then stood up and said “we’re done for today” and left.

I remembered how I felt bad about him leaving.

He’s not OK. I need to help him.

The world is full of suffering. He’s in a dangerous place. I should have been more useful. I failed.

Is it true these people are in danger? Is it true they need help?

Yes! Of course it’s true!

Isn’t it mean or cold to NOT believe they’re in danger, or suffering?

Long ago at my first School for The Work with Byron Katie, I raised my hand in the big conference room full of people, after a morning walk.

“I just passed a woman lying on newspapers on a stone bench by the busy rush hour road. It’s sad, Katie. There are people suffering out there. She didn’t have a place to sleep last night!”

Katie asked me “is that true?”

I realized I couldn’t know. I had no idea. All I did was walk by her.

But isn’t that uncaring? Isn’t that ignoring the reality? Who lies on newspapers at 7:00 am by a busy road?

I sure don’t.

Or, if I did, I’d be suffering. I like beds.

And by the way, what kind of God allows all this anyhow, plus all the other millions of incidents and situations causing pain?

But as I sat back in my chair after that brief conversation with Katie, I realize how my mind had taken off with the assumption of pain and agony that woman must be going through, and how terrible her life was to bring her to that place, and I could not know anything I was thinking was true.

I didn’t even really know that if I myself were on a stone bench sleeping on newspapers that I would be unhappy. I had never done that before.

Back to my client.

I should have stopped him and said “you still have 20 minutes for our session, so just sit here and say nothing, but don’t leave!”

(I thought of me saying that later on, not in the moment).

He’s not OK.

Is that true?

I don’t know.

I can’t absolutely know he’s not OK. At all.

So….no. Not true.

How do I react when I think someone else I care about isn’t OK?

I have all kinds of images in my head about terrible things getting worse. I picture them suffering, going crazy, in hospitals, dying.

Who would you be without the thought that he’s not OK? She’s not OK?

Woah.

And while we’re at it, let’s say it also doesn’t mean you’re an uncaring cold-hearted jerk if you don’t believe they are NOT OK.

We’re just wondering what it’s like without assuming they aren’t.

I immediately feel as if I remember they are quite powerful. I have no idea what brought them to the moment where I happen to see them, and it’s just a moment in time.

I’m aware they are here on planet earth….being themselves. Alive. Breathing. Crying. Asking. Sleeping. Taking care of themselves as best they can.

I’m not in charge.

Without the belief “that person is NOT OK” I’m still seeing them, I’m not dumb, I’m aware….I’m here with them. I have a sense of trust, not suspicion.

I’m open to my mind might be seeing this a little wonky: assuming there’s a God allowing terrible things to happen hither and yon randomly screwing with the human race.

That might not be true. Heh heh. 

I had time to take a walk after our group inquiry call, before my next client.

The sun was shining brightly and blossoms literally bursting everywhere–it seemed the air was full of sugar perfume, and oh the colors. Red, purple, pink, white, blue, yellow in every floral shape and size danced along my entire walk.

I thought more deeply of turnarounds on my walk.

He IS OK, she IS OK. 

I am not OK, especially when I believe those people are not OK. My thinking isn’t OK. 

These are all just as true….truer.

The inquirers in Year of Inquiry as they shared their own situations and feedback with the woman who had done The Work were so touching to me.

They had such deep reflections about someone they love in their lives dying, changing, or suffering in some way….and the brilliant shining awareness of how much they love that person.

Hearts bursting with love for the people close to them, with appreciation, gratitude, wonder.

And I saw on my walk how much I loved an almost-stranger who sat on my couch in tears, a woman I saw for only fifteen seconds on a bench one time, my family members, my kids, my parents, these Year of Inquiry people who are helping me see how much love is showering the world, in any situation.

“When this Work found me, my daughter was, in her words, an alcoholic and doing drugs. And the questions were alive in me. ‘Her addiction is killing her’–can I absolutely know that’s true? No. And who would I be without this story? I would be totally there for her, loving her with all my heart, as long as she lasts. Maybe she’ll die tomorrow of an overdose, but she’s in my arms now.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

P.S. There’s still room for you to come to spring retreat next week. Jump on a plane, drive your car, take the bus. Doing this kind of work can change your entire perspective, about the whole world and everyone in it. Amazing. Give yourself the time. I’ll be right here with you.

There’s something extra-special about gathering in person to do this work for several days. Inquiry, silent walks (I’ll show you my favorites), inquiry, sharing, meditation, sacred poetry, more inquiry, ah-ha moments, allowing everything to be as it is.

Ahhhhhhh.

• Eating Peace Process Online Brand New Version. Same principles, delivered better. Lifetime access. May-August 2019
• June 27th East West Books evening 7-9 pm.
• June 12-16, 2019 Breitenbush Retreat with Tom Compton
• Summer Camp for The Mind Online Inquiry
• Divorce Is Hell 8 week course Aug 18-October 13, 2019 Sundays 11 am PT/ 7 pm UK with Nadine Ferris France
• Year of Inquiry begins Sept 8, 2019–a whole year of monthly topics in The Work, and sharing inquiry together
• always free: First Friday inquiry power hour (90 mins) 7:45am PT

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”-as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering-the situation is hopeless.” ~ Byron Katie

Someone asked me what retreat was like again doing The Work.

Oh my. How can I describe such a wonderful experience? Each and every retreat is like a precious gem.

A unique group, personal and important inquiry, and the brilliance of humans finding their own answers.

In a nutshell, retreats are several days set aside to do nothing but meet your own thoughts with understanding. The word “retreat” actually means to fall back, to settle down, to pause, to stop fighting, right?

So fitting, because I find it’s what we’re opening up to about reality itself. Not Fighting It.

An adventure in being completely honest about What Is, and then exploring our Truths about it.

No one else’s truth or answers, only our own.

Sure, there are other people here, sitting in the room with you.

But honestly?

We’re not so focused on getting to know one another, or sharing whole stories from start to finish, or exposing all our pain or doing special exercises (except for some that help us identify our thinking).

Retreats set aside for doing The Work feel to me like making very deep contact with my own inner world, without running for dear life, or deflecting away, or avoiding what frightens or angers or saddens me.

I suppose in some ways the opposite of “retreat” is also true. I’m connecting very closely. Rather than retreating, I’m diving all the way in to understand something I’ve opposed.

I’m giving myself time to be with my mind, and question something I’ve perceived as a cause of suffering.

What I find happens is time dedicated to questioning my thinking allow the hours, then days, to go to work on it and transform it without me even trying. Something sinks in, and a power of love and support unfolds without any teacher or guru or special method necessary (as Van Morrison sings). I follow the directions and step-by-step fall into wondering who I am without my thinking?

What?!

Wouldn’t I be a zombie without my stressful belief? Maybe I’d have no idea what was going on?

LOL.

Maybe I have no idea already.

Two retreats are coming up soon. One is only 8 days away: spring retreat in Seattle! May 15-19. The other is at Breitenbush in Oregon June 12-16. Seattle’s retreat is $485. Breitenbush Retreat is $495.

Oh, and there’s always music, beautiful poetry and quotes, and one special outing involving movement without talking. A great experience of being, and letting our work be.

For both retreats, we begin Weds evening and you’ll start right away by identifying a situation from any time in your entire life where you believe whatever was going on shouldn’t have happened.

You needed something. Something was missing. Something was threatened. You lost something. It hurt. Something was said, written, implied, damaged, gone. Someone was rude, vicious, violent, suffering, absent.

So many moments. It shouldn’t have happened that way (says the mind).

Oh such a profound treat, in the weirdest way possible, to state what I did not like and why, and tear that moment to shreds, or complain, or cry on paper (whatever the sentiment).

There’s something that gets released.

Yesterday on the weekly Monday facebook live, for example, we did The Work on the belief “I need x, in order to be happy”.

I need money, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a baby, a house, a job, support, friends….air.

I need it. Without it, I can’t be happy.

Is it true?

Watch the inquiry here.

And I’m LOVING interviewing the wonderful people I’ve met in The Work, who have been on many retreats, sat with themselves in self-inquiry, gone to The School for The Work, and experience their lives as completely changed because of questioning their thinking on what should not have happened.

My guest this time is Tamami Fujiwara, Certified Facilitator.

One of the things I loved most about her sharing was that when she first encountered The Work, she hated it.

Listen to our conversation here on itunes Peace Talk episode 147.

For those wanting to come along to group tele-inquiry….today’s the day. Connect here at 7:45 am Pacific Time.

We meet for 90 minutes. Come do The work. All you need is pen, paper and open mind.

You are welcome to sit, listen, meditate and not even share at all.

Only 2-3 people usually sit in the hot seat and “do” The Work, but everyone gets to comment or give feedback or share the impact of the work if you choose.