Month: May 2015

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Who You Are Without Your Stressful Thought About Who You Are

youarelove
What are you, without your stressful thoughts?

Yesterday the 3-day Year of Inquiry retreat came to a close.

I loved having everyone in my cottage, making a comfortable circle in the cozy living room where I live.

It’s sooooo sweet to have the people on retreat look like they’re truly feeling my home is their home, leaving their things in piles on the floor, bringing their food for the fridge, making tea when they need it, saying “where’s the extra toilet paper”, curling up in a blanket on the front porch couch for a lunch time nap.

Pictures of each person in our gathering traipse across my mind right now with so much love in my heart.

The sweetness of their sincerity, their desire to look closely at this mind which thinks as it does, and has all its objections to various forms of reality.

Everyone is so dear, so beautiful. I love them, and their stories, too.

Someone asked at the end….

….”What do I do when that horrible self-doubt arises again? When that guilt or disappointment enters my thinking?”

What do I do when I don’t feel good next time, when I have a hard time again, or when something really bad happens?

The most simple answer is…well, you guessed it…

…Do The Work.

But here’s what happens when you’re open to doing The Work regularly.

It starts working you.

You may have heard Byron Katie say this phrase. It comes from her describing her own experience.

What does it mean?

That you don’t actually have to try so hard.

Like a stalled car in a ditch that’s getting pushed back up to the road….

….at the beginning, a group of people grunt and heave-ho to get the thing moving.

ONE – TWO – THREE – PUSH!!!

Everyone leans in with all their might, grabbing the door handles, shoving from the trunk, pushing against partially opened doors.

Maybe one person has to sit in the driver’s seat holding the steering wheel in the right direction so things don’t go too off course.

The wheels turn and the car moves ever so slightly forward one inch, then rolls back to its original position.

Everyone rests a moment.

Then again….ONE – TWO – THREE – PUSH!!!

This time the wheels slowly crank forward two inches, then three.

Everyone is juiced up because there’s some action, no matter how small and how tiny. Movement is happening.

Someone shouts….AGAIN!!!!! ONE – TWO – THREE!!!

Everyone heaves again.

Then you can feel it. The momentum grabs hold, the wheels turning, the car coming up the ditch and back onto the road.

Everyone shouts HURRAY!!! And jumps for joy!!

The Work moves the same way.

You question your beliefs about the world. You watch your mind spinning off in despair, depression, disappointment or anger.

But you keep questioning.

You do it with other people. You get people to facilitate you.

Is this true? What is going on? Who would I be, how would I feel, without this belief? Without this defense? Without this terror?

I shared with the group this past weekend something I experienced while doing The Work over time.

One day, something really difficult happened.

Very soon (within minutes, or maybe seconds) I had the sick feeling of being wrong, of being a disgusting awful person who made a terrible mistake and hurt someone else and was clueless and stupid.

But then right in the middle of these terrible shouting thoughts, and the feeling of heaviness, I had the thought “what if this is not true?”

What if I am not bad, wrong, a mistake, unworthy, guilty….right now?

What if this feeling is not based on reality?

Because I already knew, deep down, it wasn’t.

And suddenly, the feeling vanished of being a worthless piece of dung….

….and the thoughts themselves dissolved.

I actually can’t remember what the specific incident was, but the dark feeling that I made a mistake was gone.

If you keep practicing something….

….how can it not become part of your nature?

I figure, I had already been practicing the unquestioned I-Am-Shit thoughts many days of my life….

….I may as well practice questioning them instead.

As I practiced, I began to see the present moment and how amazing it often was.

The goodness, the quiet, the simplicity, the silence.

I began to see the innocence of all the people I ever met, and of reality, and how out of my hands this whole thing actually is….

….and I could see the innocence of whomever this Grace Bell is too.

“Can you see how the mind has a plan? Can you know you’ll be afraid in the future? The flowers are still sitting here. They didn’t move because they were afraid [pointing to a vase of flowers]….Like a little child, you believe things that frighten you.You live in a world that isn’t happening, and you trade grace, for that.” ~ Byron Katie

Who would you be without your devastating, guilty or stressful thought?

Ask yourself over and over, and you begin to truly find out.

Without even trying. Because it’s bigger than your thinking, and it was there all along, before you ever had a thought about it.

Who would you be without your painful thoughts?

You would be love. That’s who you’d be.

Much love, Grace

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Without Believing A Story, You Might Be Awestruck By Everyone

Work With Grace
Without your story, notice reality rules

There is nothing as connecting, intimate and inspiring for me as going on retreat, workshop, gathering, or meeting of people with a shared intention to investigate the experience of human suffering.

That’s where I’ve been all day yesterday.

Sitting in a circle of people, every single person eager to deeply explore their stressful thinking. It was the spring Year of Inquiry retreat.

We began our first day with an exercise I have sometimes found really helpful.

You sit and write for 5 minutes everything and anything you find stressful about your life right now.

You can name people, conditions, events, situations.

No editing. Just a mind-dump of all you oppose. Everything you “hate”. The stuff you find so irritating or aggravating. The things that frighten you.

Everything you write could be called a “one-liner”.

That is, one stressful sentence, one idea, one concept you think is true, and when you think it, you suffer.

My job sucks. She shouldn’t have betrayed me. He shouldn’t have left. My body needs to regain health and have zero pain. I need more money. I hate cancer. I’m not good enough.

The mind will skip and jump all over the place. But after you stop writing, you can rate each sentence you’ve written on a scale from 1-10.

Ten is super crazy intensely stressful….one is barely a scratch, a very mild concern hardly causing any upset.

Then, you look at the concepts that earned a five or more when you rated them.

Group different topics together. You get to study what ails you, in your mind. Gather it up.

Which thoughts create the highest stress for you? Who are they most related to? Where are you arguing with what happened in the past, or what might happen in the future?

And then pick. Just one concept.

Find a situation where this one difficult concept appeared to be true. Then write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on that situation, with that person, or your body, or money, or your job.

It’s wonderful to go slowly and stick with that one situation, just the one you’re exploring.

Even if your mind is shrieking to look at other events or incidents, or other people you dislike. Stick with this situation, filling out an entire worksheet.

Everyone got to do this yesterday.

And then we began.

Finding out if the way we were perceiving our stressful situations was the whole picture. Were we missing something? Could we see it another way instead? Was it possible we were mistaken?

Is this thought actually true? Absolutely?

How do we react when we’re thinking this thought? Could we imagine another perspective? Who would we be without it, if we couldn’t even think it?

What would it be like to turn our view around, and be curious about another alternative?

It takes a willingness to be wrong to do this.

It takes an open mind. It takes going slow, listening, and checking to see if you are something greater than your own thoughts.

Who would you really be without your mind being full of stressful thoughts? WHAT would you be without your mind being full of stressful thoughts?

It doesn’t mean all the stressful thoughts suddenly disappear and you’re now completely happy.

But I find, over and over again, a most precious, gentle yet powerful awareness that a life force, love, beauty, mystery and brilliance weave throughout everything….

….even those difficult and terrible events.

If you don’t like using those kinds of words and they sound too hopeful or good or light (if reality, in that troubling situation is not exactly easy) then notice if there was anything present besides the terrible atrocities, the violence, the angst or anxiety, the worry?

I see, a silent force is here, and was there.

You’re here now, reading, and wondering about the pain or your suffering perhaps. There’s something present that can wonder, without having answers.

You have been carried forward by something, whatever it is, despite your stressful thinking.

See?

“It’s only our story that keeps us from knowing that we always have everything we need…..Reality rules, whether we’re aware of it or not. The story is how you keep yourself from experiencing peace right now.” ~ Byron Katie 

I look around the room of inquirers, such loving, whole and shining people, each and every one, with their unique genius. I am in awe of every one of them, so much beauty, it’s unutterable.

I am filled with such delight at how amazing we all are.

You, too.

Much love, Grace

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I Made A Fool Of Myself

My teenage daughter tells me for her Social Psychology class she has been instructed to break a social norm. She asked me if I had any good ideas, any good stories about breaking social norms.

I think for a moment, and a memory pops in my mind.

A time I was completely quiet, when normally, speaking would have been the acceptable thing to do.

I say “how about the simple social norm of being polite to strangers by talking and responding to their questions?”

She asks me what I mean, and I tell her about this time I kept a vow of silence for 24 hours.

 I was enrolled in a workshop.

We meditated a lot in this workshop, but for this particular exercise, we were going to be out in the world during our silence.

Meaning, no talking AT ALL for 24 hours, not to one single person. Not one word. Nada. Nothing.

No writing on pieces of paper, either, what you wanted to say.

The invitation was Do Not Communicate with words of any kind.

I remember at the time of that workshop, I really wanted to do the exercise. I wanted to do it right. I wanted to make absolutely sure I did not utter or write one word, and see what it was like.

I shared with my daughter that when I was in the middle of this vow of silence day out, everyone participating in the workshop had an entire afternoon in a fairly dense urban area. We could do anything we wanted. Except talk. Or write. For about six hours.

So I was just walking around, sitting and staring at things, hanging out on a bench, looking at buildings, walking again, watching people who went by, lying down on the grass and closing my eyes, then getting up and walking again.

I had some nervous energy like “when is this going to be over” and “am I supposed to be understanding something big and cosmic right now in this silent space” and “who the heck cares about all this” and “I am going to do this perfectly”.

The time was going by excruciatingly s-lllll-oooooo-wwwwwww.

This was way worse than sitting in silent meditation.

Then, I was simply in my chair, watching thought, feeling deeply relaxed energy, falling into a sort of bliss I often dropped into when in silent close-eyed meditation.

This open-eyed walking-around meditation was different. Not exactly so comfortable or easy. My mind was racing.

Then, there was a dreaded moment.

It was during one of my “walking” sprees.

I had come across a huge storefront window, a wide open sidewalk rolling out in front of me. I paused at this window, seeing movement within.

There were people gathered inside in a circle. It looked like a store for massage tables and indoor waterfalls or something (never did figure that out). People were receiving massages on those upright massage chairs. Suddenly a man looked up and walked towards the door out, as if he saw me through the window.

Wait. Is he coming out to talk to me?

Oh no.

I’m in SILENCE. OMG, this is going to be terrible!! I can’t talk!!

And yes, he is leaning out the door just past this big window and now he is saying “Do you want to come in? We’re having a free demonstration class today!”

I stare at him. Mute.

I’m thinking “he’s going to think I’m a freak.”

He asks me again….”Would you like to participate? Come join us?” and he beckons towards the inside.

I stare at him.

Unable to say a word.

I am going to keep this damn vow of silence if it kills me….that is….if it makes me a complete fool in front of strangers.

Which it is doing, right now.

There’s a quiet space, for a long pause, between us.

He starts to go back inside and let the door shut behind him.

Oh sh*t.

That was so embarrassing. I guess. Jeez. He must think I’m a moron.

I start to leave, continuing my walk, recognizing how much internal mental noise has been created from this one small exercise about keeping silence.

Then this guy opens up the door again and leans out and calls to me.

“Hey, I gotta question for you….have you taken a vow of silence?”

I turn around and grin.

Our eyes lock.

Then we both turn away, him headed back inside the store (or whatever that was) and me on my way up the sidewalk, giggling to myself and shaking my head at discovering I am not a fool after all, and how funny life on the planet is indeed. How connected we all are.

My daughter, upon hearing the whole entire story, says “well….duh.Of course he knew you must had taken a vow of silence. I mean, you were probably all flustered and acting shy and worried in your reaction and he figured it out super easily. It’s not like some big discovery or anything. Jeez!”

So then, even me having a great story about my revelation on the day-of-the-vow-of-silence thing is dashed to pieces, too.

Foolish. The way of it.

Duh.

Much love, Grace

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Did Something Annoying Happen?

coffeespill
Could that unexpected annoying incident be OK?

My day is mapped out. I’ve got a tight schedule.

In the morning, I’m doing 50 minutes on my book, creating a new Eating Peace video in my kitchen, answering many emails, getting my kid signed up for her summer SAT class, putting together notebook materials for the people coming on retreat this weekend, finishing an article.

No individual clients intentionally.

At noon the cleaner is coming to deep clean the cottage, I need to give her instructions then get up to the coffee shop with my laptop to write tomorrow’s Grace Note (which are these words).

At 1:45 I’m due at the gym for a workout, followed by grocery store, then back home to pay the cleaner, shower, and teach starting at 5:15 for the last 90 minute Eating Peace group of the most recent 3 month EP program.

Sitting down in the squishy chair at the coffee house next to my gym, I realize this laptop has 10% battery power left. And I have no charger with me.

Which means.

I am NOT going to finish whatever writing I had planned for this segment of the day.

Nope.

Inside, I notice a slight flare of “dang-it” and the mind zips fast to whether it’s possible to resolve this easily. Can I go home and interrupt the cleaning going on there, just for the charger? Is it worth it? Is there a charger anywhere else? If I start asking people could I drum up a charger or would that waste time?

Not.

So now it’s on 9% and I’m still writing.

I notice….the mind has already decided things are not going the way I planned, or wanted, and that I need to alter my thoughts and expectations about the afternoon ahead.

Fortunately, I am madly in love with surrendering to reality and noticing what it wants, rather than what I want.

Plus, this isn’t exactly a life or death situation.

But have you ever been with someone who screams in rage at heavy traffic, or cusses because they forgot their charger and the battery is running out?

Not exactly life or death….

….but without the relaxation of inquiry, you can have a tantrum aboutanything.

I hear the voice that wants to tantrum.

And I’m so, so glad I also hear the question arise “is it true?”

There’s a fun, open interest in being willing to surrender to what’s actually going on, rather my version of what should happen.

Who would you be without the belief that you should have remembered the charger?

Who would you be without the belief that you should have remembered ANYTHING?

Without the thought that it should be going some other alternative way, and that the way it’s gone, or going, is BAD?

I’d be back in this moment, noticing the words flow out, hearing the beautiful sweet music playing and the lovely conversations buzzing around me. I’d feel the smooth flat keys against my fingertips. I’d feel my feet resting gently on the floor, and my mind alert and aware of so much in this precious moment, here now.

I’d feel the flow of words and communication coming through me like water, sharing. With a deep silence underneath it all, and no concern about “time” and when things need to happen, or what’s in store for me.

“I’ve got a big surprise for you, lots of good news! You don’t have to do anything. The more you do, the worse it gets. All you have to do is understand…..Stop being a dictator. Stop trying to push yourself somewhere.” ~ Anthony DeMello 

Feel what it’s like to be in this day, with stuff undone on the mental list of what should be happening.

Who would you really be without the belief it has to go the way you think is ideal, in order to be happy?

Very peaceful, curious, gentle in this moment.

Relaxing, even as I get up to to the next thing on the list instead.

Noticing the computer now says 4% and….I may have actually finished.

Not deterring from the “schedule” after all.

Ha ha!

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace: I Hate To Say It….But Peaceful Food Choices Can Help

Because I began my study of eating with diet, nutrition, obsessive calorie counting…..
….all in an underlying fit of wanting to “control” myself and get thin….
….I often hesitate to discuss actual diets, types of foods, or food plans with people.
But food does affect brain chemistry, your body, your physical comfort, and your peace.
I notice how great I feel not eating lots of sugar, and eating lots of veggies and fruits.
I used to hate that advice, because my mind went to all-or-nothing and I felt so starved for love and the delight of eating. I wanted to eat things that tasted good, and I thought I wasn’t allowed to (which made me rebellious).
Today, however, even if you have all that rebellious internal dialogue going on, you might want to give yourself peace by eating foods that can calm you down, instead of rev you up.
There’s a place in eating peace for choosing foods that make it physically easier to relax.

Much love,

Grace

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Need To Go Somewhere To Find Peace?

peaceherenow
If you think you need to do something to find peace, see if what’s around you already is all you need

I’m preparing for this coming weekend’s spring retreat of Year of Inquiry, our amazing group of inquirers who meet all year for steady inquiry with a different topic every single month.

I get super excited to see everyone.

I know their voices so well, their personal inquiries, the focus of their investigations.

We spend a lot of time inquiring on the phone (or skype) in our shared groups. There are 9 calls a month. Some members of YOI like to come to 2 every week, some just come to one call a week, some go through periods of calling in for every session.

It helps to have all these times available when you lose your job, feel frightened about a life change like a job loss, or a new job, or for some reason have a lot of busy stressful thoughts filling your mind.

But there’s something different about being in person.

I notice this in the Eating Peace retreats, too.

In my own life, when I go somewhere and study, or stay at a retreat center, or take time out of my normal routine….

….I’m taking a break from life-as-usual.

It’s a break from daily life with an intense focus on only the subject in front of me.

Meditation, creativity, writing, completing something (like my book), being outdoors, physical training, learning something new or taking something to the next step.

Now here’s the funny part about all this.

In the end, what I’m most drawn to, is feeling peace, feeling love, right here in my daily routine.

You may feel the same.

It’s funny how we decide to gather, bring our bodies from long-distance areas on airplanes or trains or cars, tell the people we live with that we won’t be around for a few days, and put out a strong intention to make a shift through whatever work we’re doing.

It’s like it appears we need to take a time-out to concentrate, or “get” something, or learn something new.

If you feel discouraged today….

….like you CAN’T leave and go on retreat, you CAN’T take that workshop, you CAN’T gather the funds to pay for that program, you don’t know how you’ll ever achieve your dreams without signing up for something (and yet, it doesn’t seem plausible)….

….then this inquiry is for you today.

Because I remember well having the notion that I had to go on meditation retreat in order to wake up or find peace.

And then, I realized how stressful that belief actually was.

Who would I be without the belief that going away, cutting back on my schedule, making big changes in my daily life, stepping away from the routine, leaving my family, joining a mastermind, signing up for that big program, traveling to see the great healer or teacher….

….was required for internal peace, or success, or love and happiness?

Are you sure your beliefs about what is required are true?

This doesn’t mean NOT to ask for help, or NOT to go ahead and enroll in a program (this can be so meaningful and thrilling) or take a trip to see the healer on another continent….

….but if its stressful to consider, and you don’t have the funding,maybe you don’t need to do it right now.

When I had almost no money left through my divorce, and all resources seemed to be crashing apart around me, I couldn’t go to Byron Katie retreats, I couldn’t go on meditation retreats, I couldn’t attend the expensive programs, I couldn’t afford anything.

This was the most amazing experience.

I suddenly discovered, for the first time really, who I would be without anything required to “find” peace.

I could sit still….very, very still.

I could allow my thoughts to be the way they were. All busy and freaked out and panicked, and do The Work.

I was breathing, I had a roof over my head, I even had a car, I had loads of books on a bookshelf.

I could begin to see what WAS available to me, where I could go, what I could do, who I could spend time with, that cost almost nothing.

I could invite people over. I could have them bring potluck if I couldn’t afford to buy stuff.

So I did.

There were so many beautiful, incredibly supportive people right in my city, and so much wisdom accessible at the library across the street. The examples just went on and on for what was freely open to me to join.

Who would you be without the belief you need to go somewhere or get something right now that isn’t already here?

Wow.

“All great spirituality teaches about letting go of what you don’t need and who you are not. Then, when you can get little enough and naked enough and poor enough, you’ll find that the little place where you really are is ironically more than enough and is all that you need. At that place, you will have nothing to prove to anybody and nothing to protect.That place is called freedom. It’s the freedom of the children of God.” ~ Richard Rohr

Rest quietly today knowing you are OK where you are. You are here, where you need to be. It can change in five minutes, but this is not actually required.

All is well.

Much love,

Grace
P.S. If you are indeed interested in Year of Inquiry and you know its perfect timing, in July I’ll be opening up applications for the next year which starts in September. We have two retreats, one in late September and one in late May. Can’t wait to meet those of you who know its the right time.
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Mean Girl Trouble

competition
Secret inner thoughts about girlfriends? Question your thinking, free yourself from being a Mean Girl.

A good friend shared with me how she hasn’t had the greatest track record with women friends.

“There’s always jealousy, back-stabbing, competition, it never feels like true acceptance,” she said with a little frustration in her voice.

I was reminded of being in a program on women’s empowerment once where 250 women came together for 5 weekends to look very deeply at feminine energy and how it is distinct from masculine.

Yes…you could say it’s all stories and never clearly defined. It’s all conditioning. It’s all related to cultural history, or family and society.

You could say that ultimately, none of us are our gender, personality, age, or even identified as our bodies at all.

There is of course something far greater than how we appear. This mind is vast and brilliant. You may even have experienced the mystery of yourself as something quite completely different than the form of your body.

But.

It was really fun to be in that program with all the women.

We were spending time with these female bodies, concepts, social and family experiences and taking a exploratory look.

It was like painting a picture with the colors of “feminine” however we might distinguish these.

Open, receiving, beautiful, vague, mysterious, curving, circular, feeling, pink.

And we inquired into the concepts of competition, mean-girl energy, anger, territorial fighting, jealousy.

Because one goal in the program was to invite women to notice where they believed their thoughts about other women….

….and to STOP IT.

Every woman in that program was encouraged to support other women, their sisters, at a very deep, core level. To connect, trust, love and share with them.

I loved it.

I grew up in a family of only girls. Four of us.

Sometimes….we definitely had this furious, demanding, competitive energy running between us for various reasons.

But also tons of love and laughter. I felt like I knew how to connect with women really well.

That whole competitive mean thing wasn’t really my problem.

Then…….not long after participating in this training, I was on the dance floor with many friends at a big dance gathering. I danced playfully through the crowd. People at this dance could dance together, apart, together again. It was free form dancing…..moving however you wanted to the music (I highly recommend it). No talking, but movement of any kind, in any order, with anyone or by yourself.

I danced happily up to a woman I enjoy, a friend. She was dancing with a man we both knew.

Then, I saw it.

The look. The gesture she made with her arm. Turning her back towards me. Like she was saying “get away from us, I AM dancing with him right now, NOT YOU!”

Dang.

I danced away immediately.

But on the inside….grrrrrrrrr.

What is wrong with her? Seriously??!!

She should NOT be like that. She’s too insecure.

Hmmmm.

Maybe I wasn’t so “completely fine” with this whole idea of competitive mean-girl energy after all.

Because here I was, judging someone else for having it.

How did I react when I believed she should relax and quit thinking of me as a threat?

Defensive. Pissed. Feeling like NOT being her friend. Hurt on the inside.

Who would I be without the belief that she should NOT have been that way, that she should have been smiling and open and happy to include me?

I would have been much more compassionate. I might have even asked her about it later….to see if it was even TRUE (since no words were ever spoken).

I might have remembered that sometimes, people act unfriendly and don’t have smiles on their faces, and it doesn’t mean anything about me.

I turn the belief around: She should be like that. She should be worried or feeling insecure. She should have been mean. She should have gestured for me to get away.

How could this be as true, or truer?

This is really powerful to consider.

Her whole life and all the experiences she’s ever had have brought her to her conclusions. Just like my experiences have affected what I think!

That moment showed me who to dance away from.

Why would I demand anyone include me, if they don’t want to?

I turn around the thought again, to myself: I am the one who shouldn’t feel worried or insecure. I shouldn’t have been mean. I shouldn’t have been like that. 

Yes, I was assuming everyone should love and welcome me at all times.

I haven’t even done this for myself! Why should someone else?!

If I don’t want to engage in competitions, be vicious and judgmental, attack others internally in my mind, make demands like how other people should behave in my presence….

….then it’s my job to be open, kind, gentle.

Especially with me.

“Would you rather be right, or free?” ~ Byron Katie 

“We see people and things not as they are, but as WE are.” ~ Anthony DeMello

Much love,
Grace
P.S. Subscribe and listen to Peace Talk Podcast HERE. Three short podcasts a week on freedom through inquiry.
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Be Curious Like A Kid At A Magic Show

This weekend I learned that for magicians, if they had to choose between audiences of adults or kids for who would be most easily and quickly fooled…..

…it would be adults.

The kids, apparently, are super curious, trying to figure out the trick, and able to think more outside the box.

magic
Could you become more lightly curious about your troubles?

Wouldn’t it be great to have this approach when it comes to understanding stress, pain, and conflict in your life?I had a smile come across my face as I realized….

….that’s what self-inquiry and The Work offer.

A way to become curious about your problems, to study them with an open mind that knows there’s some other way to see this….

….you just don’t know what it is, yet.

When you have something deeply disturbing you….

….who would you be without the belief you have to figure it out, that this is serious, or that having no answer is frustrating, or terribly depressing?

What if you could trust, just a tad, that everything will be revealed at the right moment, in the right way, for your greatest peace, or enjoyment, or clarity?

I notice when I consider this question….

….I breath very deeply and pause.

Something within relaxes.

Maybe even becomes curious.

Without your stressful story….who, or what, would you be?

“You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.
Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.
Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.
Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.
Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.”

~ John O’Donohue

Could you be curious about your dilemma, like you are watching a magic show?

What is your stressful thought, the one you’re thinking over and over again?

Take it through inquiry.

A beautiful way to be gentle with yourself.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Peace Talk podcast speaks to stress and money starting today, and two more times this upcoming week. Subscribe and listenHERE. Submit a rating and a review on itunes–it really helps get the word out.

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Are You A Bump On A Pickle?

Pickle on a ForkMy three sisters and I used to spend many summers with my grandparents in Muskogee, Oklahoma.

It was hot as an oven outside and we swam constantly in their backyard pool.

Some afternoons, we came inside to the cool air conditioned house in the hottest part of the afternoon and listened to records or watched Bat Man.

My grandma used to say, if she saw too much lazin’ around, or TV watchin’ going on with our bloodshot eyes from so much swimming:

What are you, a bump on a pickle?

Sometimes, people will write to me and ask….

….but if I do The Work on everything, I’ll wind up a puddle on the floor and do nothing.

Like, ever.

I’ll blow away across the horizon like a speck of dust. I’ll accomplish nothing.

I won’t care if someone hits me, I won’t follow doctor’s orders, or I’ll never make a million dollars, or publish a book.

They ask “don’t you worry about losing all your vim and vigor, your drive or passion, or your will?”

Well, I’ve had this thought myself, in the past.

If I really relax entirely, end this battle with all the little movements of life, and give in to what is….

….I’ll be nothing, do nothing, achieve nothing, desire nothing.

People get images of themselves never leaving difficult relationships, giving up on their dream of completing something creative, not sticking up for themselves or for others they care about.

But who would you be without the belief that who you are naturally, without having concern with reality in your mind, is a puddle of mush?

Who would you be without the thought its dangerous to give up being concerned?

Who would you be without the belief you have to make an effort, you have to “try”, you need to get somewhere, and you better be workin’ hard, dang it!?!

Are you sure you’d be a passive pile of nothingness?

Lately, I’ve noticed more than ever how life magnificently works itself out, dances and moves without me controlling things.

This includes ME not needing to control MYSELF!

Yes, a weird concept.

Who would you be without your belief that truly resting means you’re a bump on a pickle?

“When you follow the simple way of it, you notice that reality holds all the wisdom you’ll ever need. You don’t need any wisdom of your own. Plans are unnecessary. Reality always shows you what comes next, in a clearer, kinder, more efficient way than you could possibly discover for yourself.” ~ Byron Katie

Take a moment and feel how you are OK, and you are supported right now, as you read these words.

You are so wonderful, just the way you are, right now.

Don’t try to change.

Everything will be OK.

I think my grandma may have asked the best question ever. The answer is “yes”….I am a bump on a pickle.

In a good way.

Much love, Grace

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Mini Retreat 6/6 – Are You Doing The Work On Yourself?

question your thoughts and find relationship heaven, not hell
Mini Retreat Seattle 6/6: Be A Part of The Peace Movement

We’re coming soon upon one of my favorite events….the quarterly mini retreat on June 6 from 1:30-5:30pm right here in northeast Seattle.

We’ll gather in Goldilocks Cottage (limited to 12) and everyone will get to move through the full process of The Work of Byron Katie from start to finish, in four hours.

You’ll come away with all the materials you need, clarity around one issue, incident, person or situation in your life causing you stress….

….and a better understanding of how to facilitate someone else through The Work.

Mental health practitioners receive 4 CEUs, and everyone is welcome. $70 for the whole Saturday afternoon, all materials and tea and snacks included.

Always a fabulous group of inquirers and people passionate about finding peace within.

To join us click HERE.

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As I remembered to make this announcement about the Mini Retreat, I noticed a little thought pop over the horizon.

You should have announced this sooner. Why did you forget about mentioning it again? If only you were more organized.

Have you ever had these kinds of thoughts about yourself?

Oooooh boy.

It’s like a generally critical voice, not so interested in how you feel when it speaks.

Some people’s inner critics are crazy vicious.

So nasty, you’d never talk to anyone else that way! You’d run for your life if someone else used that tone with you!

Good news.

It is possible to question even these kinds of thoughts against yourself using The Work, if you keep your mind really flexible and open to the answers.

Here’s what I mean by being flexible and open:

Sometimes, when you see yourself having critical thoughts about YOU, you want to question these thoughts SO YOU CAN CHANGE.

You’re not feeling exactly “open” to yourself being the way you are.

In fact you hate yourself the way you are, it really pisses you off.

If you have this in mind for the outcome….it won’t really “work”….

….cause you’ve got a plan for this mess of who you are already. You should be different.

More organized, for example.

But if you want to investigate yourself with a full dose of compassion and curiosity, like you’re saying “let’s see where I got this idea…let’s really look and imagine what it would be like without this story”….

….well then, you might discover some sweet reality.

No expectations, though.

No plans or hopes that by doing The Work on yourself, you’ll change. This isn’t why you do The Work on others either (so they’ll change) right?

“Most of us have been pointing our criticism and judgments at ourselves for years, and it hasn’t solved anything yet.” ~ Byron Katie 

Who would I be without the belief that I really should be more organized?

Laughing! Entertained with my goofy self.

See how perfect everything actually is, at whatever level of “organized” it is, and that it’s quite beautiful how unorganized I truly am.

There are great benefits for not being in charge, and not having to organize.

I can leave that up to God, or Source or Reality instead. And notice everything, when it comes to “organization” is handled just right.

Much love, Grace