There’s something about gathering in a group to do The Work that can bring out wisdom like nobody’s business.
That saying “like nobody’s business” fits well here–no one person’s unique business, we’re all sharing The Work and looking at the mind and what it’s thinking.
As our new Year of Inquiry group began this week, my sense of gratitude and wonder glowed.
An inquirer brought the thought “he left me” to inquiry.
She looked closely, and so did everyone else.
Around the circle we went after she answered the four questions, sharing the way we could relate to that thought ourselves.
When we hear a concept like “he left me”….
….we notice we understand what it means.
We see pictures of our experiences.
We even see pictures of the person who is doing The Work in our heads. We’re listening.
The thing about doing The Work together in a group is we get to come back to ourselves and our own feelings about the same thought while also taking in others at the very same time.
As people shared what was occurring to them in the moment about being left and leaving in life, different situations sprung up that were so incredibly interesting.
One person was remembering the suffering in a relationship long ago, where she also believed “he left me”.
Someone else pondered about death as an ultimate “leaving”.
Then another shared her awareness of how each day, during any conversation (and especially with one friend) there were micro-moments of “leaving” happening, or suspected leaving.
We see someone’s face, or the way their words trail off, or the way they’re talking too much, or not paying attention at all.
Tiny moments adding up together and the mind creating meaning: they’re leaving me.
They don’t care, they don’t notice, they’re not interested, they’re not the same, they don’t get me, they don’t love me.
Who are we without the story of being left, or needing to Not be Left?
Without the story that it’s possible to be left at all?
This doesn’t mean denial and pretending a person is living with you who no longer is living with you–that would be nuts.
This work is about seeing reality clearly, sharing with others, having no teacher except oneself–and finding paradoxically the connection with the world.
I adore doing The Work with a group.
The wisdom arising is so precious.
No one else’s life is the answer. No one else is the only “teacher” (although they can be a beautiful and loving guide, of course).
Everyone sharing in this journey and through the sharing, a sense of unexpected connection in the mystery of All This.
New ideas about leaving and Not Leaving arriving in the very moment of everyone on a call together.
Without the story of being left….I notice the joy of being on a zoom call with a brilliant group of people all eager to question their thinking and learn and grow.
I notice how fun it is to grow, like a plant. Like a flower blossoming in a field of glorious colorful flowers of all different shapes and sizes (other people).
No special flowers are necessary. Even the bugs are OK.
Turning the thought around:
- He did not leave me
- I left myself in that situation
- My thinking left me
- I left him
Could the story of abandonment be a huge shared human fear (story), and these turnarounds also just as true or truer?
Yes.
I left myself when I panicked and thought of myself as too small to succeed in the future, too ignorant, too powerless, too alone.
He did not leave me. He’s in my heart forever. I’ve had thoughts of him regularly, always, and learned so very much about relating, communicating, and unconditional love.
My thinking left me and raced into the future, and worrying about if it would be good or bad. Or into the past and crying with the failure of it all. It didn’t remember I was right here in the moment, being held and supported.
I left him when I wished him dead, hated him, raged about him, believed he’d be better off staying with me than living a life of freedom.
These turnarounds can be tricky, and difficult.
They’re a shift of the very ground we usually stand on that’s so sure of what we need to survive in life well, and successfully.
You can question your thinking all by yourself–in the end it’s the one person you love and care about the most (which is a good thing)–and, what a joy to connect with others in The Work.
In our zoom group together we sat with the living turnaround “I’m staying with myself”.
Practicing staying, noticing staying, aware of staying power–the unconditional power of love and silence that is already staying through everything you’ve ever been through.
Here you are.
Something has stayed, despite all the changes in daily life.
Something remains.
That something is who we are, what we are, how we are connected in essence.
Noticing all is well and so very exciting–in a quiet way.
The joy of a group of inquirers gathering to meet the mind with the remarkable practice of asking “is it true?” and “who are you without that story?”
For those interested in this specific topic, we’re starting Sunday with a six-session group from 9:30am PT-11:30am PT to plunge into the work of a primary love relationship changing in the form of separation, break-up or divorce.
My co-facilitator Nadine is also Certified in The Work of Byron Katie. We’ve both practiced The Work through a divorce and come out more vibrant, grateful and thrilled about our lives, and the future.
Instead of watching The Work or wondering about The Work, when we gather in this format we actually do the work.
It’s not always comfortable, that’s for sure.
But it is the most enlightening, amazing experience to truly question your mindset about love and relationship and what is required for happiness.
Yes, it is work.
It’s why it is called The Work.
The good news is, when we wonder who we are without our stressful stories….it’s not all darkness and pain.
Quite the opposite.
A few more spots open in the course starting on Sunday. We’d love to have you.
We have clear, formulated exercises that help us question fear, loss, sorrow, dread and angst in relationship and clearly identify specific common topics that appear in our minds that hurt.
Read about the course and sign up for Relationship Hell To Heaven HERE.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. If you’re still considering Year of Inquiry there’s no reason not to join. We’re meeting for the first time this year on Saturdays (for those involved in kids and work on weekdays) as well as Tuesday 9am PT and Thurs 5pm PT. A fabulous bunch has assembled. An awesome experiential training for those wanting to work with others as a facilitator. Upcoming monthly topics are: Family of Origin, Hurt and Fear, Money, That One Relationship, Body. You are both student and teacher, and yet you don’t have to do it alone. Read more about YOI here.
