Month: July 2019

I’m absolutely thrilled to say that Tom Compton will join me again in December at Breitenbush this winter: Dec 5-8, 2019. Arrive Thursday evening, end Sunday lunch. Mark your calendar and call Breitenbush to reserve your spot tuition $295. Lodging and meals are separate (Breitenbush will explain it all when you call them). Read more and get the Breitenbush phone number here.

If you still want to join Summer Camp we have a month ahead of teleconference inquiry and a lively online forum where you can write your work and receive feedback, or answers to your questions about this powerful method called The Work. July 22-August 19 and it’s sliding scale. Daily inquiry for a whole month, a great experiment.

And oh so happy for autumn east coast retreat! We have a magnificent vacation house in the Poconos Mountains of Pennsylvania. Private rooms available, along with many beds in lofts and open spaces. Sign up here to reserve your spot and write grace@workwithgrace.com to choose your sleeping space. We’ll share meals.

Oh so much stuff happening, right?

I love meeting everyone I get to share time with both online and in person. Both these ways of sharing The Work offer different benefits, and I’m so grateful for it all.

This week, I’m at a “family summer camp” in Seabeck, Washington on Hood Canal. There are about 250 people who have been coming together annually for years. The camp started in 1947, a part of the Unitarian church.

My children haven’t missed one single summer since they were 1 and 4 years old. They are now 22 and 25.

So speaking of a small group….Summer Camp is underway. We had our first “regular” session together just yesterday.

What I love about summer camp, is all of the sudden in an hour of time, all these thoughts get presented to my inner life for inquiry, through this amazing contact with other people.

Technology is quite incredible. A gathering of minds, not bodies.

In one of the longer 2-hour opening day session, someone brought up a wonderful concept to look at closely:

“this anxiety I’m experiencing is coming from x (something in the future that’s about to happen)” 

In this case, it was the gathering of Summer Camp itself.

How often have you experienced anxiety in life? And immediately scanned the environment for where it’s coming from?

That mean-looking person, the foreboding weather, the audience all staring up at me, the expectations from others.

We almost don’t have words for articulating the concepts, but in the most simple form, we’re attaching our anxiety to something on its way.

Winter is coming.

(Notice the music is a little scary for the soundtrack accompanying this thought).

Let’s take a look together.

Can you find something you believe is coming in the future that produces anxiety?

Losing money, failing at something, not hitting it out of the ballpark, being mediocre, doing it wrong, saying something embarrassing, getting divorced, being rejected by other people.

It may even be death. Right?

Because eventually, it will be here for me or for another one I love. (For everyone I love).

What happens when you picture those thoughts, when you have those images float through your head?

YIKES!

Fear in this moment. Reviewing the “best” way to do it. Not feeling very present.

HATING the anxiety. I’m against it. I just want it to go away, and I isolate and shut down, shut my door, and I don’t show up.

If you’re like I’ve been in my life, when you believe “this anxiety is coming from the future (or the past for that matter)” then I would eat! Or avoid going to sleep at night. I might also say “yes” when I meant “no”. Or “no” when I really meant “yes”.

What people in summer camp call noticed is that with this thought, they berated themselves with ideas about how they shouldn’t be anxious, and they should be done worrying about the future by now.

YIKES AGAIN!

Who would you be without the belief that anxiety is connected to something that’s coming?

Weird, right?

What else would this anxiety be attached to? Why would I be having it, if its not about something that’s happening soon?

And who would I be without the underlying belief that this anxiety is bad, wrong, should go away, or that it means something about me?

Wait….what??

You mean having anxiety isn’t wrong?

All I know is I can question my thinking. I ask “is it true” I shouldn’t be anticipating the future? Is it true that the images in my brain are real? Is it true that having anxiety means I’m a less-than-perfect person, or something’s deficient about me, or I won’t succeed or be safe?

No.

Without the belief that my anxiety is attached to an upcoming event that I imagine could go “wrong” or “hurt” then I notice this fiery energy in the body, boiling or like lightening or a storm….

….and I turn towards it and say “oh, hello anxiety, how are you today?”

Without the belief its attached to the future (or the past) I see its singing a song that’s connected to images I’m conjuring in the present moment about something I believe will be happening, something I feel in this body right now about loving life, wanting to be alive, wanting to remain alive.

I have no idea of what will happen in the future.

Could that be a wonderful, exciting thing that I do not know?

Ooohhh, yes.

Turning the thought around: this thing I’m feeling, called “anxiety” is NOT attached to events in the future (or the past)! It’s attached to imaginings in my head, to my mind doing its busy job. It’s attached to the dream that I could potentially not be safe or protected. It’s attached to memories of feeling unsafe or unprotected in the past.

The way of it.

Turning it around: this feeling is excitement. It’s welcome here.

Anxiety is coming through, but it’s not all of me.

YAHOO! This anxiety is attached to the future! It has nothing to do with what’s happening right now (oh, good news)!

That’s soooo true!

I’m a woman in a little cottage listening to voices on a teleconference together, people sharing inquiry.

Right now, person walking towards the stage and seeing the curtain open. Right now, very much alive even though I’ll be dying one day. Right now, completely safe, breathing, sitting, typing, noticing.

Who would you be without your belief that you’re anxious?

“Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That’s not a possibility. It’s only when I believe a stressful thought that I get hurt. And I’m the one who’s hurting me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means that I don’t have to get someone else to stop hurting me. I’m the one who can stop hurting me. It’s within my power.” ~ Byron Katie

Anxious feelings cannot be caused by a future event…It’s only when I believe a stressful thought that I get anxious. And I’m the one who’s scaring me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means I don’t have to get the future event to be different. I’m the one who can stop scaring me. It’s within my power.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you still want to join Summer Camp we have many days ahead of inquiry. Next week is an “off” week anyway while I travel, so you could participate July 22-August 19 and it’s sliding scale. Daily inquiry for a whole month, a great experiment.

It’s a little strange and also wonderful to be without the internet.

I used to dislike it.

All those piled up emails waiting in my Inbox once I reconnected.

Ugh.

I believed I was falling behind.

Have you thought of yourself as “behind” when it comes to something in your life?

It doesn’t have to be about checking emails or doing creative work for business. People feel behind when they take classes, or read books for a book club. People feel behind with their life plans, development, goals. They feel behind with projects, dreams, organizing their closet.

When you run a business, you always have tasks you could be doing: bookkeeping, website updates, outline for upcoming classes, a gazillion things to manage.

In these past days of travel for me (being at my cousin’s wedding and celebrating for 4 days) the internet is very intermittent and very slow.

But sometimes….emails came through and downloaded like they did just today. The signal grew strong.

How did I always react when I believed it was critical to be connected virtually?

I’d get in my car and drive to places where the internet worked, even though I was on vacation. Seriously.

My belief for several years was I had to be working on my business, diligent, responsive, Grace Notes blog daily, updates, follow-ups.

Something happened (including carpel tunnel on my thumbs from daily writing)…

…and the intensity simply slowed down and no longer felt “critical” or “important”.

In fact the last time I was at Breitenbush where they have absolutely zero cell phone or internet, I didn’t bother to come out of the woods even once to “catch up”.

I couldn’t perceive it as “catching up” anymore.

With what? What was behind?

Who would I be without the story I need to work, be on top of my emails, check messages, do the next thing?

Relaxed.

Noticing what’s around me and enjoying it. Connecting with people.

Not having a concern about the future, or what I needed to be doing in it.

Turning the thought around: I do not need to do what I think I need to do, I do not need to connect to the internet, I am NOT behind….and I can if I want.

Today, apparently it’s the way of it to write this inquiry today, and let you know I’m thinking of you.

Without the belief something MUST happen, it happens or not, and both are OK

Much love,

Grace

Summer Camp For The Mind starts on Monday, July 8th.

• Monday 7/8 from 4:00-6:00 pm PT Click HERE to join.
• Tuesday 7/9 from 8:00-10:00 am PT. Click HERE to join.
• after you’re connected on either day, enter the password “summerpeace”

Autumn Retreat starts the evening of Thursday, October 17th and ends Sunday at noon. Near White Haven, Pennsylvania. Read about it or sign up here.

The other day, an inquirer shared a passage from a book by a well-known author and spiritual teacher.

The writing from the book included a sentence or two that began with “we” and it was a positive statement about human goodness and our innate abilities to awaken or be peaceful.

The sentences sounded something like this, so wildly paraphrased they aren’t correct at all, but you’ll get the feel of it: “We” all can find that inner peaceful place inside. “We” all have the ability to settle down and find freedom. “We” are all ultimately good, or doing the best we can.

You may have read lots of sentences like this from many authors, teachers, religious texts, lecturers, leaders, explorers of human nature and those interested in peace.

There’s so much written out there, right?

You could never read it in a lifetime, or even three. Endless quantities of information really. Byron Katie alone has said so much about the experience of being human, thinking, feeling, changing, questioning thought.

It all sounds very nice and everything, but is what you learn, read, take in, hear….actually true, for you?

What struck me about what this inquirer was sharing, was something I found very exciting.

She said she couldn’t assume this positive, favorable paragraph written about people and their access to peace to be true.

Neither can I.

(Even though I often experience people, life, circumstances and how things unfold as absolutely magical, quite honestly, it is all so strange and also wonderful….AND I also experience fear, worry and discomfort and see images that never come true, which is also strange and wonderful).

But back to this issue of believing what others say, think, do or write….and questioning it for ourselves.

Even if it seems “positive”.

I recently watched the brilliant Brene Brown in an interview. She said in her research studies on compassion with over 400 subjects, they had asked a particular question: “Do you think people are fundamentally doing the best they can?”

Brene’s own original answer to this question?

Hell to the no!

I loved her honesty around this.

What I notice is, assuming something is or is not true and taking someone else’s word for it, is not really “inquiry”.

It’s an assumption.

And this work is not about feeling good, assuming it’s all good, sweet, lovely and sugary syrup, and flashing the peace sign.

LOL.

So when you look inside yourself, or look at what you’ve decided about humanity and our capacity for peace, what do you actually see? Are we fundamentally “good” or “bad” or “foolish” or “wise”?

People are like x. People are like y.

Is it true?

You may find, if you sit with it like I did, you don’t really know. So much variety, potential, chaos, joy, despair. I don’t know what’s going on with people.

For me, this was an absolutely wonderful awareness.

It’s also why it’s so, so helpful to look at one situation at a time.

With the steps of inquiry known as The Work, we can focus very distinctly on one group of people, or one person, or one experience we’ve had, to see if our assumptions are true, or not?

With grand statements about all of humanity, or the universe, or the meaning of life?

I Do Not Know.

(This is probably the case with all the unique little situations I’ve experienced, too).

Here’s something interesting to notice in the midst of all this;

How do I react when I believe people are NOT doing the best they can or things here on planet earth aren’t OK?

Resentful. Irritated. Cautious. Isolated. I want nothing to do with people, and sometimes, nothing to do with this life I’m living.

Get it over with. Who cares?

When I look at the world with these glasses on, I cut the world into those who are succeeding or helpful, and those who aren’t. I usually consider myself to be one of those who also isn’t doing the best they can. In and out of peace, unwilling, compulsive, always worrying about something. I’m definitely arguing, on the inside. I’m against.

So what’s it like when I think people ARE doing the best they can and the world is OK? (Or that people CAN find peace within, or discover freedom, and access their inner wisdom or all that nice sounding stuff)?

I feel more open, curious. Even simply willing. Noticing I’m here and so are they, and I’ve had every experience under the sun from horrible to wonderful and here am, being here, still alive.

Except I notice I can be curious, willing and more peaceful even if I’m not so sure about what people are by nature.

I think “we are all good, life is good”….I’m here.

I think “we are all falling short or bad, life is hard”….I’m here.

I notice my thoughts don’t really know anything and my mind can’t possibly be the thing with the final answer. As if an answer is required.

The honest answer in the mind is “I don’t know”.

And  I should know. Wait, is it true?

I need to know. Is it true?

Uh, No.

Turning these thoughts around we can always find the opposites about humanity and life: good, bad, bad, good. Lots of examples and proof.

My thinking is perceiving this as good, my thinking is perceiving this as bad, my thinking is fearful, angry, unhappy….or calm, delighted, loving.

I have to believe what someone else writes or says, or I should, in order to feel good…is that true?

I should believe it’s a friendly universe….really?

The freedom here to think whatever we think is infinite, wild, astonishing.

I love what Brene Brown reported her husband said when she asked him “do you think people are doing the best they can?”

He went to think about it for awhile, and came back and said “I have no idea. But I notice when I imagine they are, it works better, I enjoy life more.”

Does this mean we should assume goodness or friendliness or that people are doing their best, or that we’re all able to find ultimate peace?

No.

And.

Without any set assumption, being for or against what is, I’m here in this moment right now without needing to know the future, or needing to be against the past.

I’m here. Aware. Awake. Seeing, feeling, sensing, wondering.

Not one single answer confirmed, and apparently, that’s OK. Because that’s the way of it.

Look, and it can’t be seen.

If you want to take a close look at beliefs causing you angst, upset, fear, or depression whether they’re “positive” ideas or “negative” ideas about the world….

….come join Summer Camp For The Mind.

There are four questions, and finding turnarounds.

But far, far, far more important?

Our own answers.

“Enlightenment is standing on your own two feet.” ~ Adyashanti

A most wonderful independence to celebrate today, the kind where we’re aware there’s no one but us, and it’s OK….more than OK.

We start Summer Camp for The Mind on Monday, July 8th.

For all of you who’d appreciate trying it out first, without committing, the first two sessions will be open to anyone and everyone,

• Monday 7/8 from 4:00-6:00 pm PT Click HERE to join.
• Tuesday 7/9 from 8:00-10:00 am PT. Click HERE to join.
• after you’re connected enter the password “summerpeace”

Also, I know I’m announcing 865 things lately that are upcoming, but I literally just drove by the gorgeous lodge we’re renting for October retreat in Pennsylvania!!  It’s so beautiful, I had to tell you about it. (I’m far from home right now for a cousin’s wedding)!

Wow, east coast folks….you never mentioned how amazing the terrain is, the beauty. Truly amazing.

Autumn Retreat starts the evening of Thursday, October 17th and ends Sunday at noon. The closest little town about 5 miles away is called White Haven, PA (adorable).

This will be a retreat surrounded by beautiful country (fall colors) in the northeastern USA. Everyone can stay onsite (3 private bedrooms, and many more comfortable beds) and we’ll share some meals and do The Work. Check your calendar, read about it or sign up here. (A few photos on the information page).

And happy independence, happy interdependence, happy dependence and everything in between and beyond….for isn’t the full range of it all what life is all about.

Much love,

Grace