I’m anxious!

So speaking of a small group….Summer Camp is underway. We had our first “regular” session together just yesterday.

What I love about summer camp, is all of the sudden in an hour of time, all these thoughts get presented to my inner life for inquiry, through this amazing contact with other people.

Technology is quite incredible. A gathering of minds, not bodies.

In one of the longer 2-hour opening day session, someone brought up a wonderful concept to look at closely:

“this anxiety I’m experiencing is coming from x (something in the future that’s about to happen)” 

In this case, it was the gathering of Summer Camp itself.

How often have you experienced anxiety in life? And immediately scanned the environment for where it’s coming from?

That mean-looking person, the foreboding weather, the audience all staring up at me, the expectations from others.

We almost don’t have words for articulating the concepts, but in the most simple form, we’re attaching our anxiety to something on its way.

Winter is coming.

(Notice the music is a little scary for the soundtrack accompanying this thought).

Let’s take a look together.

Can you find something you believe is coming in the future that produces anxiety?

Losing money, failing at something, not hitting it out of the ballpark, being mediocre, doing it wrong, saying something embarrassing, getting divorced, being rejected by other people.

It may even be death. Right?

Because eventually, it will be here for me or for another one I love. (For everyone I love).

What happens when you picture those thoughts, when you have those images float through your head?

YIKES!

Fear in this moment. Reviewing the “best” way to do it. Not feeling very present.

HATING the anxiety. I’m against it. I just want it to go away, and I isolate and shut down, shut my door, and I don’t show up.

If you’re like I’ve been in my life, when you believe “this anxiety is coming from the future (or the past for that matter)” then I would eat! Or avoid going to sleep at night. I might also say “yes” when I meant “no”. Or “no” when I really meant “yes”.

What people in summer camp call noticed is that with this thought, they berated themselves with ideas about how they shouldn’t be anxious, and they should be done worrying about the future by now.

YIKES AGAIN!

Who would you be without the belief that anxiety is connected to something that’s coming?

Weird, right?

What else would this anxiety be attached to? Why would I be having it, if its not about something that’s happening soon?

And who would I be without the underlying belief that this anxiety is bad, wrong, should go away, or that it means something about me?

Wait….what??

You mean having anxiety isn’t wrong?

All I know is I can question my thinking. I ask “is it true” I shouldn’t be anticipating the future? Is it true that the images in my brain are real? Is it true that having anxiety means I’m a less-than-perfect person, or something’s deficient about me, or I won’t succeed or be safe?

No.

Without the belief that my anxiety is attached to an upcoming event that I imagine could go “wrong” or “hurt” then I notice this fiery energy in the body, boiling or like lightening or a storm….

….and I turn towards it and say “oh, hello anxiety, how are you today?”

Without the belief its attached to the future (or the past) I see its singing a song that’s connected to images I’m conjuring in the present moment about something I believe will be happening, something I feel in this body right now about loving life, wanting to be alive, wanting to remain alive.

I have no idea of what will happen in the future.

Could that be a wonderful, exciting thing that I do not know?

Ooohhh, yes.

Turning the thought around: this thing I’m feeling, called “anxiety” is NOT attached to events in the future (or the past)! It’s attached to imaginings in my head, to my mind doing its busy job. It’s attached to the dream that I could potentially not be safe or protected. It’s attached to memories of feeling unsafe or unprotected in the past.

The way of it.

Turning it around: this feeling is excitement. It’s welcome here.

Anxiety is coming through, but it’s not all of me.

YAHOO! This anxiety is attached to the future! It has nothing to do with what’s happening right now (oh, good news)!

That’s soooo true!

I’m a woman in a little cottage listening to voices on a teleconference together, people sharing inquiry.

Right now, person walking towards the stage and seeing the curtain open. Right now, very much alive even though I’ll be dying one day. Right now, completely safe, breathing, sitting, typing, noticing.

Who would you be without your belief that you’re anxious?

“Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That’s not a possibility. It’s only when I believe a stressful thought that I get hurt. And I’m the one who’s hurting me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means that I don’t have to get someone else to stop hurting me. I’m the one who can stop hurting me. It’s within my power.” ~ Byron Katie

Anxious feelings cannot be caused by a future event…It’s only when I believe a stressful thought that I get anxious. And I’m the one who’s scaring me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means I don’t have to get the future event to be different. I’m the one who can stop scaring me. It’s within my power.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you still want to join Summer Camp we have many days ahead of inquiry. Next week is an “off” week anyway while I travel, so you could participate July 22-August 19 and it’s sliding scale. Daily inquiry for a whole month, a great experiment.