August 2015 – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

August 29, 2015

The Advantages of Computers Dying? Really?

Well, this is a little awkward and embarrassing.

My trusty laptop which goes with me everywhere, blitzed itself into a total crash here in England.

I was told the electrical adapter to recharge it would not be a problem, and would work beautifully.

Looks like it worked beautifully to turn the entire screen black and make it continuously turn on and crash over and over and over.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!

This is NOT good because people are enrolling in Year of Inquiry right now. My computer has record of everyone signed up. We begin only two days after I return home. (I have a back up at home of my entire computer, but…..MY COMPUTER HAS TO WORK RIGHT NOW!)

I have to send everyone all the dial-in information!

And I have to be able to communicate with everyone (like I am right now, ahem).

Almost as my mind is yelling things right and left, I am also wondering what the answers are to the question…..

…..how could this be interesting, or useful, or curious, or something that is not a problem at all, something good?

Ach…let’s not get carried away….good? Seriously?

But doing The Work is not about forcing yourself to find wonderful, joyful things about something rather frustrating, it’s about investigating for the full picture.

Because the mind doesn’t have it.

Ever.

I find immediately, when I question this “terrible” event (computer breaking) I find the computer is completely unrequired at this exact moment, and basically for my entire journey through England.

There are ways to communicate with everyone signed up for Year of Inquiry and upcoming events.

And they might contact me if they’re wondering what’s going on or have a question.

And look….here I am writing a Grace Note on someone else’s computer, immediately lent to me the minute I asked.

When I think the thought “this shouldn’t be happening” my stomach crunches up, I feel tense, I clench my teeth, my mind races to weird scenarios of inability to connect, people trying to reach me and me trying to reach people and nothing working.

There’s a general sense of deep separation, hollowly floating in outer space in darkness, all alone with nothing in sight.

Which is the very same vision with far more serious stressful thoughts.

Such as “my friend is going to die” or “I want a divorce” or “I shouldn’t have taken this job” or “I can’t stop eating” or “my business is failing”.

The other day I walked on Roman ruins from a town called Vindolanda that was thriving for several hundred years, almost 2000 years ago.

I also walked the previous day among stones placed by people in a huge circle in a field 5000 years ago.

It was impossible not to consider the temporary nature of human life.

Even living 90 years is a blip on planet earth, the blink of an eye.

I had this one fascinating thought while walking quietly under the wide open sky with wind blowing in gusts so hard I couldn’t hold open my map of the Roman ruin town site:

Feeling stressed about being temporary is the only “problem” I’ve ever had.

What if what is happening right now IS brief and temporary and this is the way of it, the way it should be?

I notice something else always happens next, after something “terrible” (or something wonderful) happens.

Have you?

Who would you be, who would I be, who are you already, who am I already, without the belief that something breaking down (a computer, a body, a life, a relationship, a career) is bad news?

It doesn’t mean I have to love the news.

I might be uncomfortable, disturbed, nervous….maybe even afraid.

If someone said “you have 3 days to live” it would be very odd, very surreal, perhaps terrifying, perhaps exciting….I don’t know.

That’s the thing…..

…..we don’t know.

It would be so wonderful to KNOW but the deal is, it’s not possible to know.

There is no reason, it appears. for why my computer crashed, but I can find very easily how it makes me stop, and focus on what is relevant and in front of me at the moment, and to trust that I will handle this issue when I can, which may not be until I return to Seattle.

There is no emergency.

Even in other forms of crashing, dying, ending…..without the mind, without thinking, is there an actual emergency?

“To face the totality of life we must face the reality of death, sorrow, and loss as well. We must face them as unavoidable aspects of life….By embracing the tragic quality of life we come upon a depth of love that can love ‘in spite of’ this tragic quality. Even though your heart may be broken a thousand times, this unlimited love reaches across the multitude of sorrows of life and always triumphs. It triumphs by directly facing tragedy, by relenting to its fierce grace, and embracing it in spite of the reflex to protect ourselves.” ~ Adyashanti

So it may not be my favorite thing that my computer appears broken.

It may break my heart that my friend is so sick right now with cancer and suffers deeply.

It may worry me that my son sometimes feels very anxious and doesn’t know why. Or that my daughter will be living a life containing many experiences I couldn’t ever know about.

But I can understand all this, and I can stay with it closely. Aware of it, not enraged or desperate about any of it. Willing to be with it all, without having any answers.

Answers are not required to be here.

Open hands.

Feeling love for everything, even my beautiful friendly computer lying there all shut down and unused and unhelpful.

Maybe there are advantages.

It’s showing me what’s still around without it.

The mind is like that too.

Without stressful thinking, I look around and see windows, a bird’s nest, air, space, bed, blanket, butter-yellow walls, a brown jug on the window sill, daughter showing me a trailer on her cell phone, heart beating, movement, pulse, life, sounds, emptiness.

Much Love,

Grace

P.S. Despite the computer break downs, Year of Inquiry does still start on September 8th. It’s a most magnificent way to practice doing The Work and letting your mind finally rest. Room for 3 more.

August 26, 2015

If The World Is A Mirror Image of Mind, How Magical Can It Be?

cotswolds I had to tell you about the place I’m visiting, because this is the kind of story I love.

I’m in a gorgeous area in the world called The Cotswolds, rolling hills of England with dark green forests, beautiful open fields dotted with sheep, yellow-colored stone cottages 300-500 years old, stone walls rolling up and down every field and lane, footpaths everywhere for people.

You can literally walk to anywhere you wish, through back yards and fields and acres and parks and villages as if cars didn’t exist. It feels like humans have walked these paths for centuries.

I could almost hear them in the wind.

I love how Byron Katie says to keep the good stories, they aren’t disturbing you.

The thing about it is, I know it’s a story.

In my mind I have visions of Lord of The Rings, Robin Hood, Jane Austen, gentry on horses, running through the woods with a bow and arrow.

Being in magical surroundings like this makes ME feel magical.

And I suppose that’s the same thing that happens when I’ve questioned unhappy stories using The Work.

There’s a lightness of being that’s open and curious.

You can do this too, right now, no matter what’s going on in your environment.

It doesn’t have to look like England to be romantic, or abundant, or exciting.

I’m looking around, so delighted and fascinated, wondering about peoples’ accents, clothing, what they put in their windows, remembering my childhood years in London (double cream for tea, yum).

Going new places, even down a different street in your own home town, can bring this new feeling into your day.

Sometimes, in my own home city, I find myself taking what I call a city hike in another neighborhood.

You don’t need a bunch of money or free time to do this (question your thought if you think you do).

It’s contemplating deeply Question 4 in The Work….

….Who would you be without your stressful thoughts? Who would you be without the thought that you’re life isn’t exciting, or romantic, or wonder-filled?

And finding out what’s possible when you continue to sit with that question.

Who knows, with enough inquiry you might find yourself someplace stunningly beautiful.

That you can hardly believe you’re in.

I’m getting this experience right now….and I remember, I can have it when I’m back in familiar territory as well.

Imagination goes everywhere and anywhere.

Might as well make it a fun, beautiful, thrilling, gentle, or loving story.

When you think it isn’t, inquire.

“The world is your perception of it. Inside and outside always match – they’re reflections of each other. The world is a mirror image of your mind.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace

August 25, 2015

I Feel Bad But I Don’t Know What I’m Thinking–What Do I Do?

Here’s a Grace Note slightly reworked from 2012 when they were young.

But such an important and common question when it comes to The Work: what if I’m not sure what I’m thinking….but I feel bad? How do I do The Work if I can’t identify my unhappy thoughts?

I received a wonderful question today from an inquirer that was very familiar.

The question went something like this: I know mentally, cognitively, intellectually that things are OK when it comes to (fill in the blank–relationship, my kid, money, my weight, career, death, success, time, enlightenment) but I don’t really FEEL it.

It’s not sinking in. I still feel upset, unhappy, depressed.

Boy, I’ve had this experience before!

The intense desire for things to be different than they are, the persistent wish to feel better about something.

I want good, happy feelings at work
I don’t want to have this anxious, nervous feeling in my stomach
I want excited and romantic feelings in my relationship
I’m not sure what life is for, what I’m doing here
I’m ugly, fat, addicted, wrong
I don’t know what to do about my kid, my spouse, my friend
Money just never seems to work out well for me
There’s never enough time

It seems like these kinds of blanket thoughts don’t really target a specific person or a very specific situation that is clearly disturbing.

It’s more like there’s a general worry, a wide, broad uncomfortable thought, or this feeling of doom, loss, worry, fatigue….something is off.

I say, just start with the thoughts you have and brainstorm, if you feel uncomfortable or “off” or worried or sad or stressed in any way.

Right here.

Start writing down what you want, what you need, what should happen or shouldn’t happen.

If you DID know what was bothering you, what would you write?

Think about all you object to.

Make a list. Write for 30 minutes.

You might notice something interesting happening.

You’re writing all your complaints down….and if you’re like some people I know (OK, me) you can get a little dramatic, and begin writing down the worst that could happen.

It’s not such a bad thing to move in this direction, contrary to popular belief about being positive all the time.

Let yourself go there.

It’s not the whole of you, it’s only part of your mind, doing it’s worst- case thing.

Give it a voice.

When you feel uncomfortable, troubled, anxious, melancholy….

….what’s the most horrible thing you can imagine about your life?

Several times I have done the Work on the worst thing I can imagine ever happening. (We have the opportunity to do this on the second-to-last month in Year of Inquiry, so I’ve done this exercise at least once a year in the past 3 years).

Part of me didn’t even want to think about it, the images were so terrible.

The first time I thought about the worst that could ever happen in my entire life, it was my children dying.

Recently, I thought it would be even WORSE if they died and it turned out to be my fault, like for example I was the driver of the car that had the accident.

It’s so weird and counter to our positive thinking mindset that it’s hard to write about it here!

What a weirdo to tell about my greatest fear!

But unexpectedly, down at this level….

….The Work begins to do pretty amazing, magical things.

I used to have thoughts often that were negative and frightening. They were nightmares. I would get myself to NOT think about those things.

Often with distractions of pleasure.

A good movie, intense conversation, hugs, beer, wine, reading, eating, smoking, planning, shopping, work, drama, rescuing someone, saving the day, cleaning….these are all great distractions from negative thinking.

But stopping, just stopping and investigating the worst that could happen all the way through….is an amazing experience for the mind that loves to flip around and play with fearfulness.

“Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look….No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear…the advice we usually get is to sweeten it up, smooth it over, take a pill, or distract ourselves, but by all means make it go away.”~ Pema Chodron

You can do it. Sit down with a pen and paper.

Once you have a list (and it may be much shorter than you think) hold that vision in mind (your worst case scenario) and answer the six questions on the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, keeping in mind the one most disturbing situation you’re investigating.

Then ask someone to facilitate you in The Work. See how you will survive the “worst” that could happen.

The more I practice this, the lighter I become. It takes time.

It’s so worth it.

If you need the help of others doing The Work together, join me at one of the following events in September:

monthly meetup 9/20 from 2-4 pm in Seattle
mini retreat Saturday 9/19 from 1:30-5:30 in Seattle (a little more in depth and focused plus 4 CEUs)
Sept 25-27 three day retreat Seattle
join Year of Inquiry with a whole group of dedicated inquirers ready to work together on the phone (add 2 retreats in Seattle to really get to know yourself and dive into your inquiry)

With others, I notice, my investigation of uncomfortable foggy feelings has led to awareness of uncomfortable and stressful thinking, has led to realization through inquiry, has led to laughter beyond those swirling, stomach-aching, sad, discouraged feelings.

When I do The Work as a practice, like meditation, mind has become much more peaceful.

So has life.

“An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering.” ~ Byron Katie

Love,

Grace

P.S. For any of the offerings, check out the Work With Me page at Work With Grace and follow the links to read about or register, or write me any time

August 24, 2015

It’s Got To Be Someone’s Fault

blame I was upset with myself recently and heard my mind say “you got yourself into this, it’s your fault”.

This can happen with big and small events, short and long conversations, big surprises, small surprises, accidents, the unexpected.

What a fantastic concept to question!

“It’s my fault”.

Is that really true?

What does that even mean?

It’s like the mind is getting fired up and the main focus is “let’s find out who is to blame…and by the way, this time it’s probably YOU!”

And when someone is to blame, they are BAD.

A wise meditation teacher and writer called Cheri Huber wrote a book called “There Is Nothing Wrong With You”.

I’ve read it over 150 times.

Seriously. It has big font and not many words on each page.

Imagine the last time you did or said something and then had the thought “that was my fault”.

Your version might be “I shouldn’t have said it that way, I could have prevented that outcome, I’m just not good at ______.”

And some of us also start thinking about the other people involved, and how THEY could use some improvement as well of course.

Always scanning for who did worse, who is the biggest jerk.

How does it feel in your body when you think it’s your fault?

Heavy, depressing, low, thick, nauseated, jittery, aching, sleepy, crushing.

There you are, sitting in a chair, or walking along, or going about your day, and you keep thinking of that stupid thing you did or said.

How you could prevent it next time. How you could “pay” for it and therefore feel better.

This is not a friendly belief.

It produces tons of stress.

Therefore, it is also not a true thought.

Beliefs that are true feel peaceful, calm, simple, open, surrendered, real.

Notice how it also isn’t true that it’s someone else’s fault. Also very stressful.

I love sitting with who I would be, in these moments where I decided I was wrong and worthy of blame, without the belief that it was my fault.

I don’t mean the kind of saying “it’s not MY fault!” like little kids say when they’re scared to death and they want it to be someone else’s fault.

“Can you be lovable NOT meeting the standards? Can you stop trying to change into who you wish you were long enough to find
out who you really are? You will never improve yourself enough to meet your standards.” ~ Cheri Huber

Wow!

If I turn the painful belief around and look at this concept “there is no one to blame”!

Wait….what?

But what about the pain, the difficulties of the world, the people
who are hurting, the mental illness, addiction, cancer, disease, psychopaths, murderers, violence!?

There has to be a reason for these, it has to be someone’s fault! If we don’t find out whose fault it is then terrible things will happen over and over again.

I have to find out the root of the badness and pull it out!

It seems easy if I’m to blame, and I pop over to that idea a lot, but….really, who would I be without the thought that the bad stuff is someone’s fault?

Empty. Silent. Open. Vast. Expansive. Wondering. Free. More relaxed, not tight.

Not against anything. Not sure. Not knowing. Mind without a job. Mind at rest.

Curious, confused. But non-attacking.

And there’s something to that, there’s something lighter without blaming whether myself or someone else. Maybe a lot lighter.

“Beginning to wake up. Beginning to not take it personally. Beginning to see that life isn’t anyone’s fault. It just is and you just are, and it’s all just fine.” ~ Cheri Huber

Love, Grace

August 19, 2015

Surrounded By Forces Beyond Your Control? Um, Yeah.

Even though I’m venturing away from home, I love being connected by email and internet.

If you wanted to see the really fantastic early-bird way to sign up for making monthly payments for Year of Inquiry then you have until Friday to for this special.

Don’t hesitate to ask me questions–I’ll shoot you a quick reply from the road. Or I guess from the sky, since that’s where I am right now.

What an amazing bunch of folks enrolling in YOI. I can’t wait to be with you in inquiry this year.

Here’s the webpage with all Year of Inquiry (YOI) information. Scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page to see the options for the early-bird payment plans. Whatever you’re choosing, fill your amount in manually. I’ll get back to you all soon with the entire scoop and details for YOI….How the calls work, how to dial-in, what to expect.

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Yesterday was pretty funny.

The plans are to be packed and ready to leave at 6 am (earlier this very morning).

It was mid-afternoon.

I go into the bathroom and notice water in the tub.

No one’s been in there for a few hours. Why is there water in the tub?

I clean out the drain catcher thingie and go to answer the phone and get distracted.

The laundry is running, the washing machine going strong into its third load since early in the morning.

Back in the bathroom at some point, maybe 30 minutes later, my husband notices water in the tub, only it’s kind of blue colored, and 3 inches.

Like the color of a load of jeans being washed in the washing machine by my daughter.

Yes. The washing machine, bathroom sink and tub are all backed up with some kind of hair ball most likely….but in any case, a plugged drain.

After three calls to local plumbers (no one can come the same day) we call Roto Rooter which rings in my ear from childhood. They come the same day, right?

Yes. For $400.

Which we pay. The man is very nice. By 5:00 pm he’s gone, and the bathroom is a super mess.

I go to the car wash (someone is using my car while we’re gone) with my daughter and vacuum out my vehicle. Then daughter needs feminine supplies at the store. Then son needs an ace bandage for his sore ankle. Then we need extra copy of key into house since guests are staying here. Then emails need to be answered.

Then the woman who’s going to come clean the cottage between guests calls and says “I don’t know how to get in.”

Right. Getting said key to her.

Later, 1:00 am, it’s lights out until the alarm goes off at 5:00 am.

When times are fast, moving, flowing quickly, I sometimes notice tiny flare-ups within, like little miniature blow torches saying “no, don’t ask me that one more time” or “clean up your dish, I just got the counter cleared off” or “no I do not know the seat assignments for the return trip” or “maybe not taking all three (of those 2-inch thick hard cover books that make a trilogy you must read while we’re away)”.

It’s a funny kind of snappy attention, not light and fluffy attention.

I’ve still got it now.

The guy sitting next to me on this flight has elbows jutting into MY SIDE OF THE SEAT!

Can’t you lean towards the aisle just a little? Or how about not hogging the entire arm rest?!

Writing this makes me laugh.

This kind of moment actually comes from a feeling of being interrupted, imposed on.

But that feeling I notice usually comes out of a slight (or big) feeling of nervousness, heightened attention, beliefs like the following (that actually lurk below the surface of all the busy-ness of getting ready for something):

something could go wrong
we could miss the airplane, we could miss something important, we could miss a good time ahead….we could miss

Both involve either the future, or the past.

Not the present.

The mind will worry…..OMG if I only attend to the present, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN.

This would be terrible. I must be alert, I must be attentive, success is up to me!!

Something could go wrong, and I am the one to prevent that from happening.

This can be bizarrely, obsessively stressful.

Let’s inquire!

Is it true?

Hmmm.

I suppose something could go “wrong” but only if you believe that it’s “wrong” to miss a plane, be late, lose an important item, have no money, get too tired, have an accident, die, get sick, become confused, lose your way, be in a bad mood, feel fear, etc.

Can I prevent anything from happening that’s going to happen?

No.

Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen.

It basically does not directly come from me, because of me, at me, to me.

There are far greater forces and interconnections and interplays and mysterious dances happening here than I could ever know.

THIS part I know….that I don’t really know.

So, no.

It is not absolutely 100% true that something terrible could happen, or that I could prevent it.

Like, waaaaaay not absolutely true.

Who would I be without the belief that something troubling could happen?

Suddenly laughing about All This.

Entertained. Watching the little body and little mind do its little part, but aware of a huge wild adventure going on.

And aware, in this moment as I truly enter who I would be without a stressful thought right now, neighbor leans to the other side, takes arm off armrest jutting into my side of the seat space, and everything relaxes all around me in every direction.

“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” ~ Byron Katie

Do I like this moment?

What can I find to like about it?

What can you find to like about your moment, where you are right now?

Cream-colored pull-down airplane tray table, sun beaming through window, two large men on either side of me about the same size, with big beautiful hands (one set dark chocolate brown, one set light brown, beautiful colors) and wide thumbs, two men looking at tablets and playing games, a low friendly hum of engine motor, people asking if I want something to drink, flying through the air in a little metal tube that will actually beam a message out from this machine called a computer, to you.

This message, then, truly comes from far in the sky.

And I have nothing to do with it except I appear to be a part of the process, the flow, the energy, the unfolding.

What a gift.

“The truth is that most of life will unfold in accordance with forces far outside your control, regardless of what your mind says about it.” ~ Michael Singer in The Untethered Soul.

Much love,

Grace

August 17, 2015

Would You Rather Worry or Be Free?

Yesterday was prep day for leaving on a very long journey. I’ll be traveling with my two young adult children ages 21 and 18 and my husband.

It will take many hours to reach our destination. We’ll be a long way from home.

I decided to start some of the heavy preparation two days ahead of time.

I made sure my schedule remained clear starting three weeks ago. No clients, no meetings, no classes.

A Monday of cleaning, moving clothes out of my drawers so the people staying here can make themselves comfortable, tidying up.

I ask my kids to work with me on household preparations from noon until 6 pm when their dad will pick them up for an evening out, before they leave town for almost three weeks of not seeing him at all.

Everyone’s doing their thing.

Husband is out making copies of the house key for our visitors. I’m at Rite Aid buying melatonin, dishwashing soap for the cupboard at home, travel shampoo.

My daughter is totally inspired and cleaning all the food cupboards in the kitchen, throwing away old items, washing the surfaces, organizing the canned goods (it was kind of stunning….this kind of thing has been happening for awhile from her).

I’m running a load of dishes, and vacuuming out my car.

Then I decide to locate the passports and put them on my dresser.

My son’s isn’t in the usual place, with mine and my daughters.

“Hey Benj?! You got your passport handy?”

He calls from his bedroom.

“What, mom?”

“Passport!”

Pause.

“Oh. It’s in my safe. Up at school. In my new apartment.”

Aw jeez.

It’s not a huge emergency or anything. It takes about an hour and a half to drive there. But it’s critical, you know? He can’t leave the country without his passport.

In the old days, before The Work, I might have snapped at him. “Why didn’t you think of this before?! Huh?!”

Instead, I notice the flare of realizing, and then the wave calms down.

But I say “You need to drive up there today. Not tomorrow. It’s too important.”

I send his dad a text.

The way it all comes together is my son, his dad, and my daughter are all driving north to where my son will be attending his senior year in college starting next month. This is their new plan for the evening.

My plans aren’t different at all.

House is empty, I’m writing, I’m eating leftovers out of the fridge, I’m sitting on the front porch couch enjoying the gorgeous summer evening.

But I have a thought…..my son is going to space out of everything, he’d lose his own head if it wasn’t connected to his body, he’s soooo chill he’s going to fall asleep while standing, I need to talk with him about how often he smokes pot (doesn’t that make people slow?) and how funny he’s the one I have to worry about rather than my daughter.

Click.

That thought.

“He’s the one I have to worry about.”

It’s stressful!

I have to worry about him, is that true?

No.

Last night, the whole change of plans just fell into place without any uproar. My son, my daughter, their dad…all hopped in a car and ventured off to their evening project: get the passport and eat rare road-trip food along the way.

Who would I be without the belief I have to worry about my son?

Noticing I don’t.

He’s having his own life, and there are minutes, hours, days, and weeks where he handles it. Beautifully.

He’s the most kind, genuine person. He’s loving, easy-going, articulate, and authentically gentle and very smart.

But what if this was not his experience, and he was hurting. Or on the street. Or disappeared like someone’s son I did The Work with (presumably using meth).

Who would you be without the belief you have to worry about someone you love?

Look around.

Wow.

This doesn’t mean don’t speak with that person you care about so much.

Tell the truth, be honest.

“Tell me what it’s like for you when it comes to thinking about getting a job, or finishing school this next year, or what you like about smoking pot.”

It’s not about fading into the background or staying quiet about what you really care about.

Which is my kid.

I turn the thought around: I’m the one I have to worry about, especially when it comes to my son.

Yes.

You know what the origin of the word “worry” is, or where it comes from?

It is from “wyrgan” which means strangle.

Which so reminds me of Not Speaking.

If you have a son or daughter or person in your life who you are strangling yourself from speaking to, or speaking about, or you’re feeling mute, and strangled from saying what you really need and want to say…..

…..then speak.

I’ll let you know how it goes when I do.

I’m spending 3 weeks with him, every day, and we are talking.

No doubt about it.

“Would you rather be right, or free?” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

August 16, 2015

Who Would You Be In The Presence of Chaos?

For those of you asking about early-bird payment plan, you are correct there was no option for this on the Year of Inquiry information page. None.

I completely forgot it.

Since this option hasn’t been anywhere in sight (we’ll talk about me as a non-detail person another time) click here, scroll down to the very bottom of the page where the payment plan option are listed, and you’ll see early-bird payment plans added for YOI.

Because I didn’t even have them posted until late last night, these early bird plans are available until Friday.

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Your thoughts of chaos and suffering were not created by you, but you can imagine who you would be without them

I know I’ve been constantly mentioning Year of Inquiry, but there are other very, very powerful events happening around me, too.

The serious illness of a dear friend, a long-awaited journey to the place I was born (I leave Wednesday), reuniting with two important friends with whom I lost touch, and facilitating people on incredibly deep stressful beliefs about love, longings, and death.

Sometimes, when you sit with others who are facing huge change, loss, or who are very frightened, like my friend who is very sick….

….there is nothing to do but be.

Who am I, without the story I’m telling? Without the thoughts I am thinking? Without needing to do anything?

Without the fear being all there is, whether fear of dying, or fear of the terrible pain my friend is going through right now, or fear of the temporariness of this life?

Who would you be?

Who are you, without your stressful beliefs?

I notice as I spend time with my friend today who is so very sick, and feel the sun on my face, and later hear my daughter telling me about her weekend away with two friends.

Here, there is space.

Here in this moment, a red flowered rug, two glowing computer screens, a light over a kitchen sink, a candle flame in a glass jar, an empty water glass, a pair of blue flip-flops, a scrap of ragged white paper on the floor, a young man called a “son” walking through the room with two fat library books in hands, a spider moving slowly around a web in the ceiling corner, and thoughts of my friend.

Here. Sometimes, with a breaking heart.

“This is about realization, not about changing anything. The world is as you perceive it to be. For me, clarity is a word for beauty. It’s what I am. And when I’m clear, I see only beauty. Nothing else is possible. I am mind perceiving my thoughts, and everything unfolds from that, as if it were a new solar system pouring itself out in its delight…..

….So you don’t drop your thoughts of chaos and suffering out there in the apparent world. You can’t drop them, because you didn’t make them in the first place. But when you meet your thoughts with understanding, the world changes. It has to change, because the projector of the entire world is you.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Here, I notice even with a breaking heart, and a temporary human life, and my friend’s beautiful eyes who I looked into today as she felt terrible physical pain and enormous courage….

….I love this place, even though it is so heart-breaking sometimes.

That’s who I am without completely believing the stressful thoughts.

And actually, with them, too.

Much love,

Grace

August 15, 2015

Inquiry Helps A Decision Make You

People have written, called, emailed…..and one lovely woman in a rain-covered jacket knocked on my door yesterday, in person, to hand me her registration for Year of Inquiry.

I love this.

How sweet to connect with others this way.

I was reflecting last night on the words “deadline” and “early-bird”.

So boring really. Frequently used when people are offering things for purchase or registration or sale or trade for some kind of financial number.

I suddenly remembered the etymology (the origin) of the word deadline. I looked it up a couple of years ago.

What a drastic word, right?

It was invented during the Civil War in the United States, around 1864, when guards were instructed to shoot and kill anything that moved over a do-not-cross line. Prisoners trying to escape.

Hmmmm.

This is not the intention, energy, feeling or sentiment within me when it comes to saying today is the day to make a decision (in this case about Year of Inquiry, although you might have another kind of decision in your life that you call “deadline”).

Will it mean the death of your opportunity, if you don’t decide on yes or no right now?

Unlikely.

I used to feel dreadful about decisions. Agonizing about them. Making lists of pros and cons. Thinking about the risk, the loss, the gain, the advantage, the future.

But sometime after I found The Work and self-inquiry, I heard Byron Katie talking about the concept “I need to make a decision.”

And how it wasn’t true.

Then I heard Adyashanti (another favorite teacher I’ve spent time with) and HE questioned the concept “I need to make a decision.”

And how it wasn’t true.

I wrote down this concept so it was right in front of me in words.

Because I thought at the time, almost ten years ago, that I needed to make a decision about the request from my then-husband about whether or not to get divorced.

Then I did The Work, rather than “try” to make a decision.

Who would I be without the belief “I have to make this decision” or “I need to” or “I must”?

So much lighter. So much more natural.

Noticing I felt worried, but I just plain did not know yet.

Turning this concept around to try it on the opposite way…..“I do NOT need to make a decision”.

I kept noticing how this was also true, more true.

Despite those advisors who suggest “not making a decision IS a decision” (say this in a slightly parrot-like voice for effect).

Whatever.

I notice, if it’s right for me (even if it feels scary or sad or mixed) then at the fork in the road, I turn right. It it’s left for me, I turn left.

If I really don’t know, I sit down at the fork in the road and stay awhile, until something moves me.

I find without the thought that a decision needs to be made, in my own business work when organizing and creating Year of Inquiry, a much more spacious, moving, open……even feminine way of gathering a group to join together appears.

It’s powerful, and mysterious and unknown as well.

Powerful does not mean lazer-focused and sharp like a sword.

Or deadly like a deadline.

I have done The Work on business practices and what you are “supposed” to do when you provide a service for others, and what practices should look like (based on recommendations by business experts) when you’re running a business.

They are just not always true.

Who would you be today without the belief that you need to know right now what to do, in any situation presenting itself in your life as an invitation?

If you don’t know, you can wait. Mull. Reach out. Have a conversation. Mull again. Analyze. Jump!

My favorite turnaround of all when it comes to stressful beliefs about decisions is this one: A decision needs to make me.

I notice the direction my joy travels. I watch the way my pleasure moves. I open up to what is happening right here, now.

I trust that what is best for me, the highest good, is unfolding perfectly, in the right timing for me, for you, for the world.

“You are the wisdom you’re seeking, and inquiry is a way to make that wisdom available whenever you want…..You can’t have an up without a down. You can’t have a left without a right. This is duality. If you have a problem, you must already have a solution. The question is, Do you really want the solution, or do you want to perpetuate the problem? The solution is always there. The Work can help you find it.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

If you want to investigate a problem, a decision, your solution, your life, your mind….I am here as a facilitator for your work, which becomes our work and my work.

And if you’re signing up for Year of Inquiry, or another 8 week class (scheduling soon) or the new business building class I will be starting this year (also to be determined when)…..

….your work becomes the group’s work, and others also support you in your enlightenment.

You can sign up for Year of Inquiry here, and remember if you need more time to gather your thoughts and discover your own decision, that is the way of it, the way it is.

Nothing will die.

Until it does.

Retreat: September 25-27, 2015, here in Seattle (we start 9:30 am Friday and end 5 pm on Sunday).

If you’re doing telesessions only, the first week begins Tuesday, September 8th.

Click here for Year of Inquiry full program with retreats in Seattle

Click here for Year of Inquiry TeleSessions Only

If you need a payment plan for the year, now’s the time to ask. I will make it work for you if this is the work you want to do.

Much love,

Grace

August 14, 2015

The Easiest Way To Not Believe Everything You Think (and signing up for YOI)

I’m so excited to see who is enrolling in Year of Inquiry.

I feel like I’m meeting the remarkable group who will be joining me for an intimate year in looking into reality.

We’re interested in seeing what is really true, and what isn’t, and practicing using imagination and awareness of what is present to see more clearly.

Recently in a group I was facilitating something happened which happens ALL THE TIME.

An inquirer read her worksheet in our telesession and we began to do The Work.

I asked her the four questions, starting with “Is it true?” (I love that question).

Everyone who could relate closely to this very same stressful thinking shared their own experience, and when we got to the turnarounds, the woman who started the inquiry on her stressful situation was stumped.

“I have no idea how I could turn this thought around, I can’t find an example.”

I asked everyone on the call if they could find anything, an example that might fit.

Someone found an example from a friend’s life.

Then someone else found another example from their own life.

Someone else then said they had an example that she could find that might work for the inquirer’s life, based on what the inquirer had shared about her situation.

When we were done investigating and looking at all the turnarounds, the person who had started with her terribly stressful situation, her worksheet, her despair…..

…..shared the thing that happens all the time.

“I would have never found these possibilities, if it had not been for all of you on this call. Thank you soooooo much. I think I’ve made a crack in this belief system. I can see how closed I was to any other option. I really couldn’t have done this on my own, sitting here doing The Work by myself in my living room.”

I can relate.

When I was doing The Work by myself, I wanted to hit the road doing something else ASAP.

Just whiz by and feel lighter.

The last thing I wanted to do was sit with something agonizing, or horrible, or sad.

This morning an inquirer who has been in Year of Inquiry for the entire year (we were all saying goodbye this morning) shared that she was woken up at 7 am by a phone call from work, asking that she respond immediately.

(It involved someone speaking Russian with such a thick accent, she could barely understand the request).

She did all she could for her job, but then said…..

……”Excuse me now, I have an important meeting on the phone.”

Our YOI call.

She shared with us how she’s learned that inquiry is top priority, her most important work.

It trumps everything else.

She shared that even if she wanted to keep working and handle that apparently critical issue, it was more critical that she was here, with us on our phone call.

The most important thing I do in my life is question my stressful thinking.

Only this changes my suffering, in the most efficient, direct way.

Yes, hard things still happen.

Scary, sad, surprising things. Things I sometimes think I can’t handle.

But with inquiry, I understand it is the way of it.

I am a human being having a life, feeling what its like to be a truly free human.

Knowing this in the end…..that all is very well indeed, no matter what I’m thinking.

Because I don’t have to believe everything I think.

It’s all going the way it goes, anyway, no matter what I think, right? I may as well enjoy the ride.

If you’re joining Year of Inquiry, you’re in for a treat (I sure am).

Tomorrow’s the early-bird registration deadline. I know a lot of you are about to say “yes” and I am so honored. I bring my deepest love, creativity and ever-evolving way of working with mind to this new year.

It will be a good one. We’ll do new things, we’ll try new ways.

Below are buttons to sign up for 2015-2016 Year of Inquiry (sorry for those of you who have been trying on my web page). Hopefully this makes it easier! I’m a goofball with the links sometimes!

If you’re new and haven’t yet filled out the Q & A application form, so I can get to know you, please do so right here.

And welcome aboard.

Click here for Year of Inquiry full program with retreats in Seattle

Click here for Year of Inquiry TeleSessions Only

If you need a payment plan for the year, now’s the time to ask. I will make it work for you if at all possible.

Much love,

Grace

August 14, 2015

Finding Your Way Back to Yourself, Without The Insanity

heartbroken — You can repair a broken heart from long ago, with The Work

Relationships with partners are one of the most powerful, crazy, intense, wild and emotional experiences people often have in their lives.

Love, hate, bliss, rage, jealousy, insecurity, fear.

Wow. Right?

Romeo and Juliet is one of my absolute favorites of all time for showing the insanity of all that happens between family, society and “falling in love.”

I got to play Juliet in college.

I must confess, it just seemed so natural. Gosh. Heh heh.

Could it be I shared some of the exact same thoughts as Juliet?

About mothers and fathers, social norms, young men, love relationships, and commitment or marriage?

Yes.

I even fell in love with Romeo in rehearsals and performances.

(OK, that was weird. I just googled Romeo and saw the same face of that man I knew over thirty years ago in such an intimate way for a short time, playing opposite him on stage).

Isn’t it funny how you can not only bring to life past romantic moments with lovers or partners, you can instantly see pictures of them on your laptop?

And when there’s angst, heartbreak, loss, melancholy nostalgia or sadness…..

…..it’s a great time to explore, with inquiry, and see what it is you really thought, or still think, to be true.

In Year of Inquiry we look at romantic relationships during month 6.

Initially, some people might think “I’m fine in my relationship. Nothing upsetting. It’s not really that disturbing” or others might think “I don’t have a relationship at all, that’s the trouble!”

The thing is, it doesn’t matter what’s happening currently in your life around romance or love (or lack of it).

If something is stressful, even a memory, it’s worthy of inquiry.

Several years ago, a friend of mine was having a terrible time trying to decide about breaking up with her boyfriend of a couple of years.

I asked her, what’s the worst that could happen?

She replied that she might in the future feel regret, and lonely, and she would hurt her partner very badly (if she left).

Or….she could feel trapped, bored, and hurt by her partner (if she stayed).

One of the best things to do with either stressful scenario is to deeply inquire into each of these, one at a time.

Really picture that situation you’re anticipating in the future.

Alone and lost at sea, single, empty, calloused, having to date again.

Old and stuck, bored, tolerating, saying yes or no to things you don’t really want to say yes or no to.

You can also make it extremely easy on your process of inquiry, and simply go back in time to the one that got away, or the terrible commotion that happened in that moment in the past with that difficult relationship.

Like I just did….as I conjured up the memory again, so clear in my mind, enhanced by the google.

I’m back in college, my second month on campus as a freshman.

Even though I was frightened to leave home, when I arrived on campus something moved that aside. I redirected all that fear about parting from my family into trying everything completely different.

I auditioned for the play, and got the lead female role.

Now, I was at the man’s house who played Romeo.

He’s brilliant. So are his roommates. We’re all sitting around a big table set with plates, glasses, baskets of bread, a huge bowl of salad.

Several of them have cooked a fabulous pasta meal. There’s a big discussion happening about the political stance of a small foreign country, and I know absolutely nothing about it. I’m not even sure where the country is.

I feel like a dunce. Innocent, naive, my first 2 months away from home ever. I’m floundering in my new classes. I used to get A’s in high school without trying, I’m in shock by the work load of college. Every day I’m rehearsing the play. I love it so much, it’s better than any class.

Everyone’s drinking wine.

I feel so much younger than this crowd. Like there is an age difference of a decade, not 4 or 5 years.

Romeo is 24. He took a gap year. He’s so worldly and experienced and articulate…..I’m just so, so, so out of my familiar comfort zone.

If I had a comfort zone. Which is very debatable.

Fast forward to the day after the fabulous cast party after the final night of performances.

It was like a giddy “high” of joyful energy for months.

But something shifted for me after the show was over. I could already feel it change, beginning the very next day.

The realities of being here in college, having big papers to write, needing to concentrate and get my grades up, pull it together and get serious.

Romeo started to seem less…..well…..easy to be around.

I felt too shy, anxious, young by comparison. Like I just couldn’t be comfortable, I couldn’t really be me. And he was graduating and leaving in 5 months.

I just couldn’t be there, in a genuine “relationship”. It was easier on stage.

He called.

He left messages.

He dropped by and left notes at my dorm.

I avoided him.

I didn’t call back.

I remember that time as being so nervous. So full of the thoughts “I am not good enough” and “I am too young” and “he’s more advanced than me” or “if he really knew me, he’d ditch me in five seconds”.

Who would I be without the thought he was too brilliant for me, too old, too smart, too together, too hip and cool, too about-to-leave town?

I might have shared what I really felt rather than trying to hide it or alter it or smash it into a ball in the center of my gut.

I would have felt so much more comfortable, relaxed. I might have noticed my preference was to connect and have conversations with the other girls in my dorm, most of whom were 18, and take it easy with dating.

I might have been open to getting together but I would have said “no” to invitations I didn’t want and “yes” to others, instead of throwing away ALL the invitations.

Way back then, so many years ago, I can find turnarounds to the concepts which placed him as better, me as worse, him as someone to compare myself to at all.

Turning my feelings and thoughts around: We are two different people, who just had a fantastic time in the same play. I can speak up for what I really want, without being terrified of hurting him, or hurting myself.

I am good enough, I’m just the right age (and so is he), he’s not more advanced than me, maybe what’s actually happening is if I really knew myself in this moment, I’d ditch myself in 5 seconds.

Because that’s exactly what I was doing.

Ditching myself.

Thinking of myself as small, timid, failing, and “off”.

I can so see now, without the thought that I’m doing anything wrong, or that anything about me is not good enough, I’m free to be me and Romeo comes or goes….because he is free, too.

“How can you know that a particular relationship is good or not? When you are out of sync with goodness, you know it: You aren’t happy. And if a relationship is anything less than good, you need to question your thoughts. It’s your responsibility to find your own way back to a relationship with yourself that makes sense. When you have that sweet relationship with yourself, your partner is an added pleasure. It’s over-the-top grace. Romantic love is the story of how you need another person to complete you. It’s an absolutely insane story. My experience is that I need no one to complete me. As soon as I realize that, everyone completes me.” ~ Byron Katie

Back when I was 18, it seemed much easier to be alone than to have my human flaws and fears discovered by another person.

Fear of being criticized or abandoned kept me from being freely myself.

Fear of being rejected if I expressed the truth kept me from being freely myself.

Fear of being truly known by someone kept me from being freely myself.

Remembering that wonderful, short and fascinating little love affair and exciting leaving-home story….

….I feel compassion for my shy inner self, today.

After The Work today, on something so long ago, I feel a tender appreciation for the brief connection with a very kind, very intelligent and articulate, very handsome, very passionate young man, who I really knew very little about.

I notice he’s accomplished a great deal in his life, according to the internet, and married a famous actress.

But without the story that I am smaller, or not as much, or less than, or not so important….

….what a fun, fun, entertaining movie.

And if I want to live the turnaround…..

…..being an open, free, fearless, loving woman…..

…..I can practice what that might look like, keep connecting honestly with others, tell the truth, and keep doing The Work.

If you’re inspired to unravel old stories you may not even remember as stressful until you google, join us for a Year of Inquiry.

We dive into a new topic every month, considering our beliefs, investigating the situations that held up these beliefs, unraveling our proof of truth.

Then, we have so many more possibilities available.

Soooo exciting.

(Early bird registration deadline is tomorrow 8/15). Read about YOI HERE. You can sign up on this page, too.

Much love,

Grace