Relationships – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

March 4, 2021April 2, 2024

power of doing The Work with others

How in the heck can I do more of this inquiry work?

Or really, the true question for many (for me) was: How can I just have this thing downloaded into my brain and “get” it? And stop feeling bad?

I want peace! ASAP!

That’s what I thought when I read Loving What Is by Byron Katie, and couldn’t figure out how to really “do” The Work on my own, in my house, on my couch.

I’m an introvert! I don’t want to have to go places, join things, go to a school, take a course….waaaaaah.

Can’t this be easier?

Well.

I’ve learned something about myself as I’ve spent time in this beautiful process called questioning the mind.

It doesn’t work so much in a vacuum.

Knocking around in your own mind can be quite interesting, and yes, it can bring insight….but it’s 100 times more powerful when done with other people.

Even for introverts who like the solitary.

Maybe especially for introverts.

Those who believe they don’t like groups, just know, neither–I thought–did I.

However, they saved and changed my life.

All folks, introverted or extraverted (if you even believe in those labels) might have times where they believe people are scary, shady, untrustworthy.

The thought that there was something powerful to learn through inquiry became more important than staying home in my safe place.

So off I flew to the School for The Work.

But I gotta admit.

I chose middle rows, not too far to the front, and maybe even sometimes the back. Waaaay back.

I didn’t “turn to my neighbor” to share unless directed explicitly to do so.

And still, the burr of self-inquiry got into me.

I was an entirely changed person leaving that school. The feeling was magnificent.

The tool has never left, and expanded and broadened and gotten more vibrant over time.

Yes, things I’ve thought of as HORRIBLE have occurred in my life.

Don’t get me started.

And yet, I can hold life as the most fascinating, magnificent experience in every moment–especially those wildly difficult ones.

Especially.

So let’s do The Work again, friends. Let’s imagine and un-think and then feel and un-feel, then return to who we are without our stories.

We were this all along.

Mysterious, wild. Heart-broken, present. Willing. Looking forward to everything that happens.

Upcoming events:
*FIRST FRIDAY! Wheee! This is a completely no-fee inquiry session for anyone and everyone gathering on zoom. Come with video on or off. I won’t call on you. LOL. You’re safe. 7:45-9:15am Pacific Time. Connect here tomorrow from your timezone wherever you are by clicking HERE. Passcode “isittrue?” (don’t forget the question mark).

*Spring Retreat: Thurs 3/25-Sun 3/28 9:00am-12:30pm each day except Saturday 8:00am-9:30am followed by optional dancing online from 10:15am-11:45am. All Pacific Time. Learn more here.

*Eating Peace Inquiry Circle ongoing Membership starting April 1st. Healing at the level of mind for those suffering from compulsive behavior with food, eating or body image/weight. Live sessions, private online forum. Learn more here.

*Eating Peace Immersion Retreat April 26-May 2, 2021. Read about retreat here.

*Eating Peace Basics 101 8 week course May 5th-June 23, 2021 9am-10:30am PT here.

*Relationship Hell to Heaven: BreakUp, Divorce, Separation May 13-June 17th 9-11am PT here.

Much love,
Grace

February 2, 2021

I stopped arguing with reality. The relationship was over. (Retreat starts Thursday)!

My cell phone lit up suddenly.

The phone was on silence as usual, but I happened to see the screen glow. At that moment I was staring out the bleak dark January window fourteen years ago, not unlike the one I looked out today.

I leaned slowly to the phone and saw from caller ID the name of my estranged husband.

My heart jumped a little.

He had filed for divorce almost 2 years before, we lived in separate houses, but I had not responded month after month after month to the paperwork.

I couldn’t bring myself to do it and sign the document consenting to divorce.

It seemed so tragic. I had loved this man so much. I had always pictured him until “death do us part”. He was almost five years older and I sometimes imagined he’d die first….and me by his side.

(Weird little future flash: he did die first, and I was by his side a few hours before and a few hours after. Even though we were divorced and we were both remarried. So you never know what anything means for the future, do you? He will always be one of the most important people in my life.)

I answered the incoming call.

He wanted to go out to dinner.

Something I could hear in his voice, someone I knew so well.

He said he had a coupon for a restaurant downtown, and thought of me.

Was I being asked out on a…..date?

I didn’t show much emotion.

This is what I had wanted desperately, but now it seemed almost like too much water had flowed under the bridge. He had another relationship that tanked. He had been dating. He had moved from one rental house to another. He was feeling some regret.

I had just started….barely….to feel like I could enjoy my own company for five minutes without remembering “my husband left me” or “I’m separated”. I had signed up for qigong classes, female empowerment classes, dancing.

Most importantly, I had friends to do The Work with.

I had found out that if I questioned my thinking, my panicked mood shifted from terror to calm by having someone ask me the four questions, and finding turnarounds.

Stunning.

Nothing else changed, only my perceptions and what I was believing.

The School for The Work almost 2 years before had planted self-inquiry into my heart and mind, and when rage, betrayal, panic, sadness and grief came along…it was only a matter of time before I sat down with paper, or texted someone, to do The Work with me.

I was calmer. Just a little. I was sleeping through the night finally.

I said “yes”.

I also said I’d meet him there at the appointed hour. Not agree to have him pick me up and go there together.

On the Saturday night of the famous dinner out (in my world), something I had wished for so desperately, I got dressed up.

I cared. I felt hopeful. I put on mascara.

I thought all the inner angst and grief and heartbreak might be able to be talked through, shared.

I never felt very good at talking. (I’m still probably better at writing than talking).

But as we shared a meal in a booth in a dark rainy wintery evening in Seattle, and no in-depth conversation unfolded or even started, I grew more aware that what I wanted was not in this man, or in the dreams of an intact relationship.

I had questioned the thought 1000 times “I need him to come back to me” or “he abandoned me” or “this shouldn’t be happening”.

And right before me, these beliefs suddenly felt untrue.

At a certain moment, right in the middle of the food and the meal, with this man I had spent 16 years with across from me, with whom I had two children that would have been thrilled to have us remain together, something felt….done.

Over.

Unable to move into a deeper level.

Maybe I could have questioned that thought. It didn’t occur to me at the time.

He talked, and talked, and talked about his job. His boss, his co-workers, company policies, the latest business deals I hadn’t heard about for a long time.

Not one word did he speak of more authentic, deep reflection about this honest moment.

I wanted to cry “What happened to us??!!”

I wanted to talk about where we stood right then.

Something deeper. All that inner Byron Katie work, all the self-reflection and growth and adventure. All the sleepless nights.

I wanted him to say “How are you in there? Are you OK?”

I noticed I myself said nothing, though.

And I noticed I could wonder….do I really want him to ask me deeply how I am? Do I really want to put so much weight on this relationship “working” (code word for staying together)?

I didn’t want to grab for something that wasn’t present anymore. I didn’t want to try, to be so afraid, to feel so desperate, so feel so full of angst and sadness.

What I wanted was not over there, across the table from me.

Wow.

When we left, I went to sit in the driver’s seat of my little car. I held still a moment, my car keys on my lap.

I could find the turnaround.

Maybe this was just plain going the way it was going, without my vote.

And maybe, just maybe, that was OK. Or at least going to be OK, later.

I sensed that I had no idea what my future was, or where I was going, or what would happen with love or romance in my life…..and what did happen wasn’t what I would have ever wanted or ever imagined in my life.

But I got it. Stop fighting. Stop reaching.

Rest. Accept what is.

That week, I signed the divorce papers that had been gathering dust, and the proceedings moved forward.

I’d like to say that I never looked back again at how we might have reconciled, and all that seemed so unspoken. I’d like to say I felt very razor clear.

But no.

There were stressful thoughts, and stressful dramas in my own mind, and stressful imaginings, and dreadful heartbreak.

I could question my thinking, though.

Sweet relief.

And, something was nudged that day out of the stuckness and waiting and withholding and wondering and putting all my attention on HIM, HIM, HIM.

I saw more clearly how I looked at what I thought was necessary for happiness through a straw. All roads pointing to this dear man, and marriage, and a fantasy.

What if instead of being a horrible personal tragedy, this story was not as terrible as I had believed?

What I see now is how I discovered, and still continue discovering to this day, how much that man offered me in my life.

He helped me break down my demands and expectations about love, life, mating, support, security, romance, future, intimacy, speaking truth, honesty, grabbing, wanting and fear.

I believed that the worst that could happen when it came to my marriage, was that it would end in divorce.

What happened when I believed that thought?

Nightmares. My whole world collapsed (I thought) even though I had more quiet time, I had my own place, I added enrichment to my life, I started playing music again, I discovered a career, I found out I liked to work (!)

Who was I without this story: “this relationship must stay together!”?

Without demanding it be any way at all, it simply moved towards divorce.

Turned around: the best thing that could happen was my marriage ended.

How could this be just as true, or truer?

There is a list.

But most of all, I am grateful beyond measure to that human being, that man, for his unknowing assistance in helping me become a better version of myself.

I became someone who was “forced” to find her way to earn a living. Someone who met a new husband who is very different. Someone who can survive the worst that could happen.

Not just survive, but thrive.

Astonishing, even to this mind.

Grateful for the one who broke my heart, so it could grow bigger, wider, gentler, freer.

If you have a relationship where you still feel a sting (or tornado) of pain about What Happened….

….come to retreat starting this Thursday. We meet 4 days in a row, and then skip a week and reunite on Sunday, February 14th. Yup. Valentine’s Day.

The hours are 8-11am Pacific Time/ 4-7pm UK for all five sessions.

Who are we without our stories about breaking up, romance, wanting, hunting for ‘the one’, fighting, loneliness?

We are celebrating Valentine’s Day with the one we cherish, support, feel gratitude towards and love the most: ourselves. Life.

Married, partnered, conflicted, divorced, broken-up, separated, single. All are welcome to this “Relationship” Retreat.

Join us here.

Much love,

Grace

January 10, 2021January 10, 2021

When a relationship has hurt: finding love after love with The work of Byron Katie

Oooh relationships.

Love.

Mawage. (If you’ve seen Princess Bride, you’ll know this reference, so funny).

Divorce. (If you’ve experience this, or breaking up with someone, it may not be so funny).

Yesterday I went to Target, the big store in the US, with my daughter. She needed a belt to follow the dress code for her new job (which she gets to start Monday after much delay due to the pandemic) and groceries, and I needed a pillow.

Turning at the back of the store past the clothing aisles into the electronics and food sections….a huge pink wall on display was revealed.

Hearts, candies, gifties, jewelry, chocolates, pink candles, silk red roses, more candies.

Oh. Valentine’s Day is apparently coming!

I’ve done a little research on the origin of Valentine’s Day and it’s not exactly…pretty.

Either it has to do with martyrdom, sacrifices of goats and dogs, people thrown in jail for marrying couples in secret, executions, and/or an ancient Roman ritual of drunken naked revelry, beatings, and wishes for fertility.

Woah. Um. Kind of intense.

What remains of it today appears to be a celebration of romance and love and poetry and hearts. People get engaged and married, or celebrate together in coupled pairs on this day.

And when love has gone wonky, some people feel disappointed or sad they’re not “in” on the fun.

What a fantastic place for inquiry and investigation.

It doesn’t have to be about Valentine’s Day, either.

Just “love” in the form of romance.

What’s your perspective?

Is it disappointing? Sad? Difficult? Endless work? Passionate? Spicy? Complicated? Hoping against hope?

If it’s stressful, we’re invited with The Work of Byron Katie to question it.

And oh did I ever.

After my very first School for The Work in Los Angeles in March of 2005, I arrived home–literally–to my then husband saying he was no longer interested in being married. During our first conversation post-School.

BOOM.

I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me.

I felt a bit insane.

Some days this was thrilling and all the trapped feelings of following the “normal” flow of what was expected for my life was gone….and it was exciting and unknown.

Some days this was terrifying and I just wanted some solid ground to stand on.

My mind was a wild flip flop.

It felt like frantic grasping onto life without “my plan” (or what I thought of as the general successful plan for most couples).

Who was I without my belief that a relationship should go like “x” in order for me to be happy?

Woah. Really?

I can question that thought?

Yes.

What if there is no “right” and “wrong” way with relationship and relating?

What if we are moving always towards love, exploration, expansion, growth, creativity, joy?

Even if someone leaves.

Even if someone dies.

Even if someone annoys us.

Who am I right now without the belief I need that person to be ______ for me to be happy? (Kind, clean, respectful, productive, ambitious…..)

Without the belief, I’m a free person who is not dependent.

Not even dependent on that person being alive, in order for me to be happy.

I’m watching, playing, dancing, breathing….laughing even.

Life is quite ingenious, fascinating.

“There are universes that you may be missing, universes of wisdom that lie within you, which The Work can open you up to–your own answers to the questions, and the examples of your turnarounds are the key to those universes, the key to a kinder world and all the freedom that is your unlimited birthright.” ~ Byron Katie

Turning my thoughts around: This is not horrific, betrayal, abandonment, rejection, break-up, forever, failure.

Find examples of these TurnArounds are never meant, I find, to hurt us more or talk about us Not Deserving or something guilt-ridden.

These turnarounds are not about denying that something very powerful has changed, or happened, or ignited when it comes to this person and this relationship I’m considering.

But I love seeing that I can actually find examples for how this really isn’t that bad–not as bad as I think.

Never as bad as I think.

In my divorce; I was breathing, I took classes, I went to a second school for The Work, I volunteered in exchange for learning, I had dating conversations, I ran out of money and stopped believing I needed more “programs” in order to be happy, I found my center, I started working for money, I eventually paid of all my debt, I dated other people, I found a new home.

The whole wide world was available to me in that divorce.

No, it was not easy.

(Or maybe it was easier than I think)?

I also found how much I appreciated and admired and trusted my former husband. I was connected to him, and nothing could change that.

I realized one day, that if God had come along and said the following, I would have accepted it whole-heartedly, 100%, no looking back.

God/Reality/Source/Mystery: “I’ll bring you what you really want, and it’s going to hurt at first–badly maybe–but it will be amazing in the long-run. It will change your entire life. It will break your identity apart, in the best way. It will change the way you see life, and love. You’ll find an inner place of love you never recognized before, and it will guide you for the rest of your life. What will happen is: your husband will leave you. Are you in?”

Yikes.

But yes. I’m in. I Am Willing.

Turned around again: MY THINKING was horrific, betraying me, abandoning me, rejecting me, broken-up, failing.

All those horrifying moments…when all that was happening was a woman in a little adorable cottage sitting on a couch by herself.

What was the most difficult relationship I ever had?

Why, that would be my own thinking-mind and all its projections, memories, reminders, anticipations, worries, hand-wringings, small-ness, focus on safety, negative bias, perseveration, wishing, grabbing.

Innocently.

(I’m not blaming my mind).

“Becoming a warrior and facing yourself is a question of honesty rather than condemning yourself.” ~ Chongyam Trungpa

If you feel you still blame or condemn yourself for the relationship you’re in, or the one that got away, or the dream that isn’t manifesting itself….

….we can celebrate Valentine’s Day as a connection with What Is, even if we’ve been single, frightened, desperate, sad, lonely, lost.

I know that by questioning our interpretation of reality and relationship, we can find love in the oddest places.

Right here, on the couch.

Right here, in a quiet moment, reading.

Right here, looking out the window at the dusk sky.

Right here, seeing our loved one’s image in our minds who apparently no longer has a body in this lifetime.

Without the story of the absence of love, love is here.

If you’re not so sure….it’s OK….and let’s do The Work.

If you’re a person who suffers (a little or a lot) from relationship disappointment, upset or anguish….Nadine Ferris-France and I are joining together to offer a 5 day Relationship Retreat for the lonely, broken-hearted, longing or self-critical.

We meet for 4 consecutive days February 4-7 from 8-11am Pacific Time/ 11am-2pm ET/ 4-7pm UK and then one final stand-alone day on Valentine’s Day, February 14th, also from 8-11am PT.

We will dive into exercises specifically created to look closely at our beliefs about coupling, sharing, committing, leaving and being alone.

For those who have upset thinking about relationship….this retreat is for you.

Nadine and I have been offering a course in Relationship Hell to Heaven for a few years now and we have both gone through divorces and commitments to new partners and all the great ride this journey of relationship offers.

What we have found is that relationship is a path to awakening and freedom.

We’d love to share the road with you.

There is no requirement for being “in” or “out” of relationship.

The only requirement is interest in identifying the painful, sad, vicious or dreaded judgments of those you’ve loved (past, present, future) romantically, or noticing the mean, critical, disappointing thoughts you’ve had about yourself…and inquiring.

Valentine’s Relationship Hell To Heaven Retreat is sliding scale tuition ($275-$675 US). In addition to each live call, you will be paired with one other person daily during retreat to do The Work with them (a different person each day).

This is a wonderful immersion in partnering with others, and partnering with your own mind, for love.

Please write if you need further help in order to attend.

Question the assumptions you’re defending (short window open for joining Year of Inquiry)

I look forward to next First Friday on January 1st, New Year’s Day, 2021 7:45-9:15am Pacific Time. Mark your calendar now for the experience of questioning one painful situation in your life from 2020.

When we question one difficult experience, and begin to understand it with loving kindness, who knows what can happen with anything else we’ve thought of as painful?

To make sure you get the zoom link, watch in upcoming Grace Notes or save this email and join me here.

Speaking of questioning just ONE difficult experience….

….When I first encountered The Work, I came to it, I thought, because of one excruciatingly painful experience I felt was looming over me.

The experience had produced the most desperate shame, nausea, and an inner anxiety–panic really–about loss and death and ending all hope for the future.

I was investigating the experience of having an abortion.

It was unbelievably haunting at the time.

(If you want to read much more about abortion specifically, I’ve written a bit about it over the years–you can search on Grace Notes blog site for any key word and find Grace Notes from the past about any topic here).

I kept seeing all the steps of how that life condition had unfolded, how strange that it went the way it did with that decision. I felt guilty and horrified, but most of all full of despair.

All kinds of beliefs were present around that situation in my life.

Wanting to please someone else (the father) more than doing what felt right within. Terrified of the future and that I couldn’t do it alone. Feeling damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. Believing living in a body was the only way for a happy and full life for any human being. Thinking of myself as a murderer. Believing I was doomed.

Except.

I began to learn, with The Work of Byron Katie and that early inquiry….that the way I was thinking might have gaps of untruth in it. (Or, be entirely based on nothing that could be proven).

How can you know if what you’re thinking is not really true, or not allowing a full picture or clarity to enter your situation?

Well, one simple way you know you’re believing something false, for you, is you feel bad; frustrated, uncomfortable, angry, terrified, nervous, anxious, sad, annoyed, desperate.

I like knowing that if I feel troubled, I’m believing something that’s not actually true for me…no matter how repeatedly I might be thinking it to myself.

When I was reviewing that “terrible” situation in my life that led to abortion over and over, I’d panic.

Until I did The Work and understood, just a wee tiny bit, that the situation might not be as tragic as I was thinking.

It doesn’t mean I don’t think it was a deeply painful, or that I condone it. But I’m at peace with that experience where I still feel the grief, but knowing I learned something very important about unconditional love for all of life, including myself, by studying the pain there.

Some kind of crack into peace occurs with every situation I take through the self-inquiry process.

The mental energy settles down. There is an awareness of presence, of being here now. There is a feeling of rest and unclenching that flows instead of getting stuck.

A situation may not become resolved entirely, but the perspective I’ve been holding isn’t trapped forever in a repetitive noise of the same tune endlessly playing (like when an annoying or sad song gets stuck in your head).

Bottom line: when I do The Work, something shifts in the mind and the interpretation I’m holding about whatever it is I’ve found so troubling.

Huge relief.

Which brings me to a weird point I wanted to share, kind of a question really.

Why is there so much resistance sometimes to actually DOING The Work?

I mean, if it’s so freeing, why would I not do it when I feel upset?

People report this resistance, and I get the same thing going on inside of me. It goes something like this:

1) Difficult news, conversation, incident or happening occurs

2) Brain/Thinking starts making meaning out of it–and leans towards danger, protection, worst case scenarios, fear

3) It’s personal, “I” need to think of a plan–a way out, a way to peace, a way to get free, a way to find safety

4) Mind gets busy with the plan, rather than questioning the original story. “I’m too busy figuring out how to stay safe to do The Work right now”.

5) We return mentally to the scene of the crime over and over and rehash and try to make it go “right” rather than “wrong”, retroactively. It’s all about survival.

6) Nothing about our perspective actually changes.

I find without questioning my beliefs when I feel down or depressed, I keep repeating the same stories, feelings, behaviors. It looks like compulsion, addiction, analysis, rumination, bad dreams, avoiding, playing the same thoughts on repeat.

Sigh.

Don’t be discouraged, though.

Even simply pausing for a moment without saying something “should” or “shouldn’t” have happened in the past, present or future….can bring a sliver of peace.

Noticing that without a thought–and even with a thought–we are here, present, aware, alive whether we “get” what’s going on or not.

Another new moment is here.

Potential. Pausing.

Being here without waiting. Taking a deep breath. Exhaling entirely.

Feeling the silence around and inside everything.

If you are interested in stepping into The Work regularly by pausing, then taking your stressful thinking through four questions and finding turnarounds, there’s an unusual window coming up for people to join Year of Inquiry (several have requested it, so why not).

We meet Tuesdays at 9am PT, Wednesdays at Noon PT, Thursdays and 5pm PT and Saturdays at 8:30am PT. We also meet monthly on Fridays to discuss The Work instead of doing The Work–always amazing conversations.

You can begin with our small-but-mighty group on January 5th. To do this, you must join by January 4th to get on board and oriented.

Doing The Work is not a one-and-done type of deal.

It seems we need to get the hang of practicing, having the four questions and turnarounds sink into our experience.

At least, that’s what has worked best and most and steadily for me. Following the practice step-by-step, like meditating daily if possible. No “should” or “have to” just pondering and letting the mind wake up one thought at a time.

If I could heal the pain of an unexpected pregnancy and abortion, I found I could heal the way I related to all decisions. I could heal the way I spoke to others. I could heal my heart. I could heal the way I ate. I could heal the self-condemnation and depression and worry.

What a huge relief.

If you’d like a loving community of fascinating people practicing the end of stress and the openness to freedom through The Work, join me in our Year of Inquiry program.

While the program is set up to offer people an entire year of practice and support–which brings rich friendships and clarity into our lives–you can join month-to-month when you start at one of these openings during the year.

Each month, we study a new quite general topic (and you can also work with absolutely anything stressful for you, this is your program).

January is “money” month.

Read more and sign up here. If you’d like more details about YOI schedule long-term and the monthly topics, read about the schedule here.

If you need financial assistance please click the button once you get to the page to learn about YOI and you can apply for help.

“Year of Inquiry has worked. The times are great and I like that it’s all the calls plus a week off a month. No burnout. Nice to be able to listen to recordings. Grace is organized with the technology and it works. I do like our Slack forum for keeping connected. YOI has been a positive experience for me.” ~ Participant

And if this is biting off more than feels right to chew, come for the fun on New Year’s Day (no charge).

Can’t wait to get started in 2021 with a new year, a new week, a new day, a happy new moment with new possibilities every now, and now, and now.

“If you want to enter a state of grace, question the assumption you’re defending right now.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

November 24, 2020

How to stop worrying about someone else’s worrying

In only one week from today, what I already know will be an amazing time will begin. Six days in a row of being with others together online (zoom) to delve deeply into The Work and self-inquiry.

(Scroll to the end to get the daily schedule and info).

I’m co-facilitating this one with my colleague and friend Tom Compton. He’s brilliant and well-seasoned in The Work: for over 30 years he’s been doing this process and sitting in the four questions, along with working with other people.

We have absolutely loved co-facilitating retreats together.

We’re so looking forward to doing it again.

Here’s me interviewing Tom about his experience with The Work, in case you’d like to get to know him a little better:

One thing we’ll be asking everyone attending retreat (I’m asking myself right now):

What’s been scaring you, making you nervous, irritating you, or bringing despair?

What do you notice bothers or disturbs your psyche, your mood, your inner natural experience of peace?

Recently, I had an awareness of something that seemed important.

How do I know it was important–at least important for inquiry?

It disturbed me.

Someone who I adore and have known their entire life shared how angry they’ve been with the world and a situation they’ve encountered.

Have you ever had someone close to you share something deeply disturbing, and you clench up yourself?

“Yikes, that sounds terrible,” we might say.

I noticed I saw visions of them being depressed. A picture of them with head in hands, lonely and sad, scheming on suicidal thoughts.

They did NOT tell me they were suicidal specifically.

But oh look what the mind did.

We join with the person who is crying “this is so awful, really it is so so so awful.”

Nothing wrong with that. Except.

When I begin to believe they are not safe, they are not loved, they are not capable, they are suffering terribly.

Something about sitting with someone who is doing The Work, incidentally, I entirely trust the process.

I don’t “worry”.

I know they’re OK, they are working on it, they are underway with the power of love at their side.

But this was someone who doesn’t exactly do The Work and there they were, sharing about the depth of their misery.

That person is miserable.

What do you think this means, that they’re miserable? I noticed for me, that was where the fear rose up. It means they don’t want to live. It means they’ve lost their happiness.

Is it true, they shouldn’t be so miserable?

I don’t know.

So, no.

What happens when you believe it’s true?

WORRY.

Trying to problem-solve, figure out how to handle the situation, make it better, give suggestions, offer advice, offer to jump in and take care.

There can be a whole list of what would “make it better” that they need to “get”.

Not that there’s anything wrong with reaching out or being there to help. But this is noticing I was doing it with FEAR in the background.

So who would I be without the belief this person is fundamentally miserable?

This can sound cold to even consider. Like you don’t care about them and their perspective.

But I sat for a moment, imagining this person I love dearly seeming to be so stuck and unhappy and angry…

…without the belief “they are miserable–and this must be fixed by me, as soon as possible. I must help! This is dangerous!”

Without this belief, I stay present.

I’m not afraid to be with someone who is suffering. I might say “if you ever want to try doing The Work, I’m available and here for you”. I check in on them.

I remember suddenly the way I felt when I started hospice work on a really beautiful research project run through the University of Washington almost 20 years ago. My very first patient I saw as a research assistant, I felt trepidation entering her apartment. She was dying of breast cancer. I asked her many questions about pain, depression, emotions and fears. All of them pre-written for this project.

Once I was finished speaking with her and back in my little car in the rainy parking lot, I sobbed.

But then, it got easier and easier. By the fifth person, I was able to sit with them and know nothing was required except to be there and ask the questions they had already agreed to be asked. I enjoyed my job so much, I was shocked. It felt so genuine, so real.

Back to my loved one.

I noticed this person said “I don’t want any advice. I just want you to hear me”.

So good to know. Reality tells you what’s needed.

No Advice. No problem-solving.

Turning the thought around: If someone tells a terrible story, it does NOT mean they’ll be miserable forever, or suicidal, or broken.

It means they’re whole, intact, aware, moving towards joy.

Could it be just as true?

Why not? Don’t I notice the power of healing, of freedom and joy over and over again?

Yes I do.

Turning the thought around again: If someone tells me their miserable story, my thinking is miserable…not them.

Wow. Yes, I joined in.

I added some anxiety to the pot even.

I believed, just like them.

This person gave me the opportunity to hold and question a thought that misery must be stopped….that it doesn’t stop itself.

I imagined God, reality, support, love, source, mystery, magic and miracles were not possible in this situation, were not already underway.

Oops.

Who needs God, when we have my opinion?

Byron Katie used to say this with a smile from time to time sitting with people who made extra good cases for their misery and suffering and terrible predicaments.

I loved it when I first heard it.

I love noticing that tendency within me that says “No thanks, reality…I’ll take care of this myself! You obviously don’t know how to manage things around here!”

That mind that doesn’t believe love and rest and abundance and ease is possible in certain situations. That mind that doesn’t remember everything passes, and nothing is All Bad. That mind that is not in charge of other people’s healing.

Or my own, for that matter.

I can’t give you anything you don’t already have. Self-inquiry allows you access to the wisdom that already exists within you. It gives you the opportunity to realize the truth for yourself. Truth doesn’t come or go; it’s always here, always available to the open mind. If I can teach you anything, it is to identify the stressful thoughts that you’re believing and to question them, to get still enough so that you can hear your own answers. Stress is the gift that alerts you to your asleepness. Feelings like anger or sadness exist only to alert you to the fact that you’re believing your own stories. The Work gives you a portal into wisdom, a way to tap into the answers that wake you up to your true nature, until you realize how all suffering is caused and how it can be ended. It returns you to before the beginning of things. Who would you be without your identity?

Winter Retreat meets Dec 1-6, 2020 with two sessions a day (Pacific Time) and 4 hours in between for partner pairing and digesting and silence.

9am-11:30am Pacific Time daily and 3:30-6:00pm Pacific Time daily. Every session recorded for those who need to miss and listen later because of timezone.

Still room for a few more. Read more and sign up here.

Sliding scale.

Much love,
Grace

November 4, 2020November 4, 2020

What does it mean to move without resistance? The joy of acting in The Work.

There was a time when I became aware, about two years into doing The Work, that sometimes the mind can hold up a belief very solidly in the background of a situation we’re investigating, and not let go.

I didn’t even know I had the belief. That’s the funny part.

I was dating in my forties.

I was also rather shocked to be dating as I had felt so married-for-life in my first marriage of 15 years.

I loved partnership and had mostly been with a partner for the majority of my life since age 16. It seemed easy and natural.

(And before that, I always had one close best friend).

So there I was, meeting men and dating.

There was one man I found incredibly funny and smart, but also quite troubled.

We’d go on a walk or have a meal and talk in depth, and all kinds of weird emotional conflict would appear.

I’d feel nervous, angry, or incredibly disgusted.

Fairly new in my experience of self-inquiry and The Work at that time, I’d write a worksheet on the moment of disruption and get all my thoughts on paper: “he shouldn’t have said that”, “I need him to be different”, “there’s something wrong with him”, “he’s too depressed”, “he’s an addict”.

I would take them through the four questions and find turnarounds and feel amazed with what I learned about myself.

And yet…the conflict persisted.

And so did the on-and-off dating, anxiety, and anger.

When suddenly one day, while sitting quietly in The Work, I heard the voice in my head ask this powerful question:

Why are you trying so, so hard to make this relationship work….when it just plain isn’t?

Why are you trying so hard to like red when you prefer blue?

And the hidden “agenda” appeared before my eyes.

This. Relationship. Must. Work.

Dreams of a future living with this person in bliss, enjoying the support of the money he had accumulated and his good taste, feeling that old natural feeling within me of having one best friend in my life, imagining easy conversations and someone to whom you could say “hey, did you see that?”

Some part of my mind didn’t like noticing this dynamic did NOT really work.

I scared him, he scared me.

Everyone confused and upset. Uneasy.

Ideas about what “success” or “love” looks like.

Is it true it had to work?

Is it true the images I had of “it working” were real? Or was it all imagination? (Um, I would say it was imagination, LOL).

What happened when I believed that relationship MUST work and turn into the relationship I dreamed of?

Well one thing that happened, is I did The Work itself on every tiny thing I did not like, in an effort to land on peace, enforce peace, arrive at peace.

Even my dreams of “peace” were false and guessed at. I said peace didn’t look like the present moment, it looked like a vision I had in the future.

I ignored my preferences, for “peace”. I turned everything around to myself “for peace”. I went places and ate food I didn’t like and said “yes” to invitations “for peace” or “for hope”.

I turned all my stressful thoughts around and then made an effort to keep myself directed narrowly to this goal of making the relationship work: “I shouldn’t have said that”, “I need me to be different”, “there’s something wrong with me”, “I’m too depressed”, “I’m an addict–especially about him”.

But who would I be without the belief “I’m going someplace BETTER in the future (this future relationship working the way I want and imagine)?

Who would I be without the belief “This Must Work”?

On that day I suddenly dropped below my hopes and motives to enforce happiness in the future, my attitude of “fighting” for happiness….

….and I noticed reality.

Reality didn’t look like my plan. Reality didn’t look like celebration and loving connection and beauty and two married people smiling at each other in that moment.

What was the reality?

Not that.

THIS.

And then…the questioning opened up and I became aware of a turnaround: This IS Working.

This is it. This is where this is going.

Right now.

Not in the future somewhere, where heaven awaits.

Heaven could be right here, despite the discord in relating and the difficult thinking and the tortured emotions and apparent confusion.

The sun still shines behind the sky, the world still moves, the breath still flows in and out of this body, the life force still pulses with joy–no matter what I’m ever doing, no matter what is happening, no matter what is being “thought” in any moment.

I could be cleaning dog poop off my shoe, and this is what is, in that moment.

Not the future cleaned up shoe.

Can I notice This. Is. Working.

The relationship may not involve future active connection (turns out it did not) but what a joy to flow with life instead of push against it.

I understood then what Byron Katie and others might be talking about when they spoke of doing The Work with a motive or agenda, how it can block the freedom and peace you have access to right in the middle of any condition, relationship or situation.

Could heaven be possible even with this?

Of course.

Who am I to say “this is not heaven”?

Good news.

It didn’t matter that I had been doing that when doing The Work with a motive of eventually getting to peace. Insight came when it came, at just the right time.

I explored, I stayed, and then I saw, and I broke up with him.

The joy of not knowing what will ever happen, the freedom from being dependent on things going a certain way in order for me to be happy….dissolving.

Who are you without the belief “this is not it”?

Turned Around: This is it. This is life, being lived. This is heaven. This is waking up.

Peace is possible now.

When this realization landed inside me, I knew to break up with this man and that I didn’t have to make myself Not Think of him.

I didn’t know my future and it was totally safe, totally OK. I felt gratitude, clarity, tears, empowerment. Life moved in its own direction.

I couldn’t have gotten there, experiencing that moment as peaceful and exciting, without The Work.

Wow.

“Eventually, through practice, you no longer impose your thinking onto reality, and you can experience everything as it really is, as pure grace.” ~ Byron Katie

If you’ve got beliefs about what is required for peace, for awakening, for love, for eliminating stuckness…you may want to come do The Work on retreat.

Winter retreat is a month away.

By Tuesday, I got off the wheel (retreat starts tomorrow–one session per day online)

Oh I am having fun with all the last-minute shuffling for retreat starting tomorrow.

For those of you contemplating: we meet only 3 hours from 9am-Noon Pacific Time tomorrow on Thursday, on Friday and on Sunday…and afternoon from 2-5 this Saturday (dancing Saturday morning for those who want–all online, yes).

(Those of you needing it can watch the Saturday recording instead of attending live).

Pay-from-the-heart sliding scale to join. You get to pick what works for you financially right now.

If you’ve got curiosity for The Work, are brand new or have lots of experience, you’ll get to identify a situation you find objectionable in your life….and transform it by asking four questions and finding turnarounds.

If you think that’s not possible….this is a good time to experiment and see.

Join us by signing up here.

*******************

Speaking of objectionable.

In the Year of Inquiry group yesterday, we looked at a stressful thought about other people: “they have it better”.

Many of us think those other people have it “better”.

What a fabulous contemplation.

I’ll never forget walking on the sidewalk not so far from my little cottage on foot, staring at the big gorgeous houses lined up along Lake Washington.

My hands were in my pockets in tight fists.

These home-dwellers must have done something right.

Why did THEY get to have big houses, all lit up with fall and Halloween decorations, full of happy people (all of them probably in happy relationships–I was navigating a divorce)?

What did I do wrong?

I love the questions: What’s your proof that they have it better? How do you know?

Those people have:

money to trade for anything wanted
possessions or pretty things owned, acquired, gathered around
body health, appearance, strength, youth
freedom to do whatever you want with your time
not having to “do” something like work at a job, clean the house, take out the garbage
no physical pain, no disease, no problems
winning
status: great job, leadership, importance
being the president or the biggest boss of all time
attaining enlightenment, peace, wisdom

We have the top hits of what “better” looks like.

Wealth, Love, Enlightenment, Health.

Isn’t it funny how we see it in a glimpse, meet someone, notice their surroundings, imagine their experience, envision their joy or power or wealth or success….

….and sometimes that tricky rabbit (mind) says “OMG that’s better than this, than me!”

How do you react when you think it, when you compare?

Sad. Despairing. Sorry.

What I noticed as I sat doing this work with our Year of Inquiry group is a lot of back-tracking in the mind, when believing this thought that Those People have it better.

“If only I had decided age 25 to go to Med School…” or “if only I had never fallen in love with that man!”…or “if only I hadn’t gone to Italy”…”if only I had sent my kid to that other school”….

Lots of “if-only” thinking, wishing we had done something different.

The mind is amazing how it can go backwards in time and offer suggestions on how you might have done it differently.

LOL.

So who would you be without the belief “they have it better”?

Ask this question in just one of the situations you’ve noticed when you thought this.

Standing on that quiet sidewalk so many years ago, who would I be without the thought?

Breathing a deep breath of fresh fall air. Noticing fallen leaves glistening in the street.

Feeling something here, without thought. Being. Alive.

Noticing that truly, truly, observing a wide street with houses means nothing….in a wonderful way.

No better, no worse possible.

Here-ness is all.

Buzzing, humming here-ness. Joy.

No extra step needed, nothing from the environment, no “things” like money, no health, no body, no status, no winning, nothing special required.

Here is here.

Nothing was needed to get to it–except perhaps four questions.

Turning it around: This is better. This is it. There is no better or worse except in thought. Only my mind imagines “better” over there (or “worse” over there, for that matter).

Ahhhhhh…..

Thinking Like A Butterfly

Monday I was told I was good.

I felt relieved.

Tuesday I was ignored.

I felt invisible.

Wednesday I was snapped at.

I began to doubt myself.

On Thursday I was rejected.

Now I was afraid.

On Saturday I was thanked

for being me. My soul relaxed.

On Sunday I was left alone

till the part of me that can’t

be influenced grew tired of

submitting and resisting.

Monday I was told I was good.

By Tuesday I got off the wheel.

We’ll share sacred poetry and inspiring quotes, do our work together, wonder out loud who we are without our thinking.

Want to come along?

Much love,

Grace

September 24, 2020September 24, 2020

Relationships Ending: Hell To Heaven When Questioning “That Person Left Me”

There’s something about gathering in a group to do The Work that can bring out wisdom like nobody’s business.

That saying “like nobody’s business” fits well here–no one person’s unique business, we’re all sharing The Work and looking at the mind and what it’s thinking.

As our new Year of Inquiry group began this week, my sense of gratitude and wonder glowed.

An inquirer brought the thought “he left me” to inquiry.

She looked closely, and so did everyone else.

Around the circle we went after she answered the four questions, sharing the way we could relate to that thought ourselves.

When we hear a concept like “he left me”….

….we notice we understand what it means.

We see pictures of our experiences.

We even see pictures of the person who is doing The Work in our heads. We’re listening.

The thing about doing The Work together in a group is we get to come back to ourselves and our own feelings about the same thought while also taking in others at the very same time.

As people shared what was occurring to them in the moment about being left and leaving in life, different situations sprung up that were so incredibly interesting.

One person was remembering the suffering in a relationship long ago, where she also believed “he left me”.

Someone else pondered about death as an ultimate “leaving”.

Then another shared her awareness of how each day, during any conversation (and especially with one friend) there were micro-moments of “leaving” happening, or suspected leaving.

We see someone’s face, or the way their words trail off, or the way they’re talking too much, or not paying attention at all.

Tiny moments adding up together and the mind creating meaning: they’re leaving me.

They don’t care, they don’t notice, they’re not interested, they’re not the same, they don’t get me, they don’t love me.

Who are we without the story of being left, or needing to Not be Left?

Without the story that it’s possible to be left at all?

This doesn’t mean denial and pretending a person is living with you who no longer is living with you–that would be nuts.

This work is about seeing reality clearly, sharing with others, having no teacher except oneself–and finding paradoxically the connection with the world.

I adore doing The Work with a group.

The wisdom arising is so precious.

No one else’s life is the answer. No one else is the only “teacher” (although they can be a beautiful and loving guide, of course).

Everyone sharing in this journey and through the sharing, a sense of unexpected connection in the mystery of All This.

New ideas about leaving and Not Leaving arriving in the very moment of everyone on a call together.

Without the story of being left….I notice the joy of being on a zoom call with a brilliant group of people all eager to question their thinking and learn and grow.

I notice how fun it is to grow, like a plant. Like a flower blossoming in a field of glorious colorful flowers of all different shapes and sizes (other people).

No special flowers are necessary. Even the bugs are OK.

Turning the thought around:

He did not leave me
I left myself in that situation
My thinking left me
I left him

Could the story of abandonment be a huge shared human fear (story), and these turnarounds also just as true or truer?

Yes.

I left myself when I panicked and thought of myself as too small to succeed in the future, too ignorant, too powerless, too alone.

He did not leave me. He’s in my heart forever. I’ve had thoughts of him regularly, always, and learned so very much about relating, communicating, and unconditional love.

My thinking left me and raced into the future, and worrying about if it would be good or bad. Or into the past and crying with the failure of it all. It didn’t remember I was right here in the moment, being held and supported.

I left him when I wished him dead, hated him, raged about him, believed he’d be better off staying with me than living a life of freedom.

These turnarounds can be tricky, and difficult.

They’re a shift of the very ground we usually stand on that’s so sure of what we need to survive in life well, and successfully.

You can question your thinking all by yourself–in the end it’s the one person you love and care about the most (which is a good thing)–and, what a joy to connect with others in The Work.

In our zoom group together we sat with the living turnaround “I’m staying with myself”.

Practicing staying, noticing staying, aware of staying power–the unconditional power of love and silence that is already staying through everything you’ve ever been through.

Here you are.

Something has stayed, despite all the changes in daily life.

Something remains.

That something is who we are, what we are, how we are connected in essence.

Noticing all is well and so very exciting–in a quiet way.

The joy of a group of inquirers gathering to meet the mind with the remarkable practice of asking “is it true?” and “who are you without that story?”

For those interested in this specific topic, we’re starting Sunday with a six-session group from 9:30am PT-11:30am PT to plunge into the work of a primary love relationship changing in the form of separation, break-up or divorce.

My co-facilitator Nadine is also Certified in The Work of Byron Katie. We’ve both practiced The Work through a divorce and come out more vibrant, grateful and thrilled about our lives, and the future.

Instead of watching The Work or wondering about The Work, when we gather in this format we actually do the work.

It’s not always comfortable, that’s for sure.

But it is the most enlightening, amazing experience to truly question your mindset about love and relationship and what is required for happiness.

Yes, it is work.

It’s why it is called The Work.

The good news is, when we wonder who we are without our stressful stories….it’s not all darkness and pain.

Quite the opposite.

A few more spots open in the course starting on Sunday. We’d love to have you.

We have clear, formulated exercises that help us question fear, loss, sorrow, dread and angst in relationship and clearly identify specific common topics that appear in our minds that hurt.

Read about the course and sign up for Relationship Hell To Heaven HERE.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you’re still considering Year of Inquiry there’s no reason not to join. We’re meeting for the first time this year on Saturdays (for those involved in kids and work on weekdays) as well as Tuesday 9am PT and Thurs 5pm PT. A fabulous bunch has assembled. An awesome experiential training for those wanting to work with others as a facilitator. Upcoming monthly topics are: Family of Origin, Hurt and Fear, Money, That One Relationship, Body. You are both student and teacher, and yet you don’t have to do it alone. Read more about YOI here.

September 16, 2020September 16, 2020

Uncertainty is BAD–and there’s too much of it. Are you sure?

As I worked on updating the first webinar Orientation for Year of Inquiry day-before-yesterday, I contemplated the week ahead of greeting folks both new and returning to the program.

I also thought about how courageous people are to say “yes” to enrolling in Year of Inquiry with so much uncertainty in the conditions of the world.

A year is long. It’s soooo long.

We don’t know when we can come out of our homes. Houses are burning down. Hurricanes are building. Protests are in the streets. Kids are supposed to be starting school but are not. A virus is spreading. People have lost their jobs.

Holy Smokes! (Um, that would be literally where I live, from forest fires to the east).

Working away on my computer to get ready for Orientation, I glanced out my little cottage living room window at the smokey skies.

And then a thought that it’s true there’s too much uncertainty, in the future a six-month program or even month-to-month is better for this longer-term intimate group.

I had a dream that night after finishing the webinar slides.

A theme emerged: Not Finding It.

Dream. I’m invited to a potluck party in the mountains that’s part of a fundraising non-profit event, with my youngest sister. We drive far up into the green forest, several hours.

We arrive and join a gathering in the large open clearing of a very big ranch-style rambling house surrounded by forest. It’s a summer setting outdoors with seats, tables full of food offerings, fire pits, a low buzz of conversations.

Lots of families and lots of new people my sister and I have never met before. Hand shaking and people eager to help the cause (don’t ask me what the cause was, this is a dream).

Time passes.

Far off in the corner of my eye, I suddenly am shocked to see a very dear friend who is also a facilitator of The Work come through an open door at the side of the house, moving fast. He’s looking down and never glances over.

He takes only a few steps and grabs the door knob to another garage-looking small one-story building, and disappears into it. Careful to close the door behind him.

Wait, did I just see that? (I thought, in the dream).

Why is he here?

Does he know these people?

And where has my sister gone? I wonder what time it is?

Extremely curious and a little excited, I walk across the lawn and approach the door he had gone through and open it.

Inside is an open carpeted type room with at least twenty people gathered together, blankets and pillows sprawled everywhere, a cozy feeling–all people I’ve seen or met through The Work.

Friends. Facilitators. People who love to question their thinking.

Turns out there’s a retreat happening here and my friend had left the room to get a book to read a passage from it (which he had not found, so was returning empty-handed).

The room was reassembling as he returned, but some glanced up and saw me at the door.

Grace??!! YOU are here?! Whaaat??

They recognized me and were as surprised to see me as I was to see them.

I was invited to stay.

But I had to find my sister first and let her know. I guess she should drive the car we came in back home to the city by herself. I could figure out how to get back later (hmmm, will that be a problem)?

I went back out into the non-profit potluck gathering of friendly people–mostly strangers–to find my sister. Where did she go?

She was nowhere in the crowd.

Maybe I should call? I’ll text her. The buttons on my phone kept not working, or I’d hit the wrong one.

(You know those dreams where you can’t quite make the connection? Or you can’t quite get off the ground when you’re trying to fly? Or you can’t speak loud enough for someone to hear you?)

In any case, it was a cliff-hanger.

I woke up.

I was presented with an invitation to do The Work with remarkable people all of whom love this practice, all so curious and filled with awe about the human mind, and how to change their lives based on questioning their beliefs.

But me not quite able to go “in” without hesitation.

Too much uncertainty, disconnection, wondering where my sister (family) was, needing to make sure she’s OK and can get back home by herself and she knows I myself am changing plans.

Plus. More thoughts.

How did I not know that quiet gathering of all these amazing people was happening? Only a few hours drive from my home?

Have I been missing things? Missing communication?

Not Finding It?

Wow.

The feeling was so strong of confusion, wondering, and total surprise….”accidentally” falling into a welcome gathering I apparently traveled to without knowing I was traveling there….and also wondering how this could be?

Funny how the journey inward into “there” or “home” is uncertain, unexpected, surprising, doubtful, weird, unplanned.

The people who we join with show up unexpectedly and still we may need to decide before going all the way “in”.

So many considerations!

Dreams are quite fascinating.

Images, words, pictures, feelings.

It reminded me so clearly that imagery creates feeling, thoughts produce feelings.

Even if they are not real and we know they aren’t real.

We can KNOW something is a made-up story, and yet the body is reacting to the thought.

Movies, stories, dreams, videos, mental imagery.

We wake up from a dream (sometimes a nightmare) and our heart beats rapidly, our body feels full of tension or sadness or desire.

It’s processing through.

We’re still curious and often sorting through the dream afterwards, making friends with it (or wishing we would), pondering it.

I was deeply drawn to meditate on the vivid images in this dream, and notice the underlying theme of Not Finding It and Uncertainty.

An old familiar.

Is it true “I” don’t find it and the outcome is worrisome?

What are you looking for?

Whether it’s “truth” or “ease” or “abundance” or “connection” or “love” or “rest” or “peace” or “realization” or “enlightenment” or “support”?

Are you sure it’s missing?

Yes, yes, yes. That was weird in-between purgatorial type zone in the dream. I know that place. Not there, or here either. Floating.

Friends over there doing The Work happily together, beloved family connection somewhere in the woods amongst strangers.

Can you be sure something’s missing or dangerously uncertain–this sense of belonging? Or love?

No.

Is it true WE are supposed to be the ones finding something? Finding answers? Finding “home”?

Am I the seeker?

Uncertainty.

I asked myself this question: Is it OK you hang between choices, you don’t know the future, you can’t connect to the person you believe you should connect with (sister), you’re floating in a zone between a potluck fundraiser and a garage?

Is a Year really too long for inquiry?

LOL.

Who would we be without the story of uncertainty?

I wouldn’t need to know about the future.

I notice I already don’t, and never really have. Not the details at least.

Who would “I” be, or who would “it” be, or how would it be to not feel frightened or frustrated with the uncertainty?

Could it be OK, even peaceful, to not panic when I can’t make the contact I think is required?

Turning the thought around to the underlying belief called “Not Finding It” (Uncertainty).

I am finding it. I found it already. It’s here.

Something here is certain.

Only my thoughts don’t “find it”. My thinking loves to seek. My thinking can’t seem to decide, wants to make the “right” decision. Is pulled in many directions.

There is no need to go hunting.

What is here, is good.

Except for this thinking that runs, even in the dreamworld, things are simply unfolding the way they do.

Could it be that reality is friendlier than we *think*?

A little while after finishing the slide preparation, I had a conversation with a person I had not met before for twenty minutes or so, who was interested in Year of Inquiry.

She shared that she loves it is a whole year. The container is built to last awhile.

So I had a turnaround presented right in front of me.

A year is great for uncertainty. Who knows where the world will be in a year, over the course of life unfolding. Maybe we’ll be gathering together in person again. Maybe not.

I notice in this moment the joyful recognition that it’s OK to suddenly stumble upon the support we need.

Here we all are, and here we go, together.

Well, it’s apparently just right for me.

The groups, the connections, the learning.

Thank you for being on this journey with me and sharing the dance of connection and having a unique life that something is navigating, all while feeling the beat of “home”.

Growing that beat of home until it’s shining so brightly, it doesn’t matter if there’s no cell phone service, no Finding It. (Haha).

If you’re ready to serendipitously fall into the support of a group, then you can still jump on board the peace train in whatever form serves you best. It’s here for you.

For us.

One thing I love most of all is with Work of Byron Katie we’re not trying to get what someone else is believing or thinking or teaching is “right”.

We are our own teachers.

We’re the ones being with this mind and welcoming it–the one I’ve been given–to cherish and love unconditionally.

The Work is the only way I’ve ever known how.

Options:

a) Year of Inquiry train. This is Orientation week (ask me about partial scholarships if you don’t have employment–I was surprised at how few asked me about this for the year). A year of supportive connection and step-by-step with self-inquiry. It’s the same investment as one private 1-hour session per month when you pay in full (or 1.5 sessions per month for the monthly payment plan). Hit reply if you’re ready or have Q’s.

b) Relationship Hell to Heaven: for those navigating divorce, separation, break-up and the confusion or suffering we experience. Sundays starting Sept 17-Nov 15th (no session Oct 4th or Oct 18th). With the good Nadine Ferris-France a wonderful facilitator in The Work.

c) Fall retreat with Grace. Oct 15-18, 2020. 9am-Noon Pacific Time/ Noon-3pm Eastern Time/ 6pm-9pm European time. Three hours a day sliding scale enrollment. (Saturday is set for afternoon hours PT 2-5pm but if most people want earlier hours on Saturday then we will switch. All sessions recorded).

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Will send this out to Eating Peace mailing list soon. Can’t wait.

Eating Peace Experience:

October 19, 2020-March 18, 2021

Read about it here.

July 20, 2020July 20, 2020

Have you had the thought “they hate me!”?

I am loving the fabulous collective of people starting today the journey of the next six weeks doing The Work together on stressful thinking during Summer Camp For The Mind Immersion.

People have shared with me they are working on a relationship ending, racism, compulsive eating, lack of work, worry about the future, feeling rejected.

Oooh, rejection.

Have you ever thought “they hate me!”?

They hate me, this is dangerous, I’m afraid, I need to get away from them, I don’t understand them, they are accusing me, they should accept me instead of reject me.

An inquirer shared she had this thought about far more than only one person in her life.

It seemed to be a theme, a top hit.

I’ve had this thought that someone hates me when they go silent (perhaps especially when they do).

Often in my family of origin, instead of screaming, there was ghosting and cut-off. It seemed the better choice of the two (so much shame in screaming and “losing it”).

But what if no matter how people are reacting, even if they say “I HATE YOU!”….

….we could still question that story?

For the next Peace Talk Podcast Episode, that’s exactly what this inquirer questioned: the belief she was hated in a very specific moment when she received a look of hatred.

Maybe the one looking did not approve, and DID hate….and we can still totally question what we believe that apparent hatred means for us, for them, for the world.

Watch on youtube here, or listen on apple podcasts below.

Apple Podcasts: click HERE.

Or listen on the podcast website HERE.

If you know you could use a little tune up (or a big one) over the next six weeks ahead….and maybe find some creativity and lightness with The Work….then join the great group for summer camp (click the photo).

It’s kinda last minute, but you’re welcome anyway.

Come on board the peace train.

Much love,

Grace