Month: June 2020

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So Overwhelmed I can’t start The Work. Peace Talk Podcast Episode 164.

Sometimes when people come to do The Work, they feel totally overwhelmed.
They’ve got a list of what’s not going well in life; disappointment, heart-break, world-going-to-hell-in-a-handbasket, fear, upset.

 

If it’s not reality that’s so difficult, it’s ourselves.

 

We’re too nervous, compulsive, reactive, depressed.

 

When this happens, the mind careens around, bouncing between what it doesn’t like.

 

I quit!! I’m outta here!

 

Hard to even begin inquiring….and yet….the questions are always there to answer.

 

Peace is always here, reality has pauses, there is stopping.

 

Without our thoughts, we notice the peace.

 

In this recorded Peace Talk session, the internet froze the picture of the inquirer, the internet cut out and she had to re-connect, and I might have not shared this….except something about it seemed perfectly imperfect.

 

Everything continued. The words were all easily heard. I noticed a perfect vision was not necessary for inquiry.

 

So we continued, moving with the flow of the mind. We noticed the stories of overwhelm, and the chattering mind, and the experiences this inquirer had (many).
  • this world isn’t safe
  • I don’t get this
  • I don’t understand
  • life is hard–what’s the point
  • I get hurt randomly
  • co-worker is a problem
  • absence of flat stomach is a problem
  • sister’s random hit was a problem
Overwhelmed. It’s ALL wrong.

 

Life is cruel. Life is hard. It has to stop.

 

Is it true?

 

Yes.

 

I don’t even want to be here. I didn’t ask for this life! Why am I here? I wish I wasn’t. 

 

Can I absolutely know it’s true?

 

YES!!!

 

(Sometimes, mind is too overwhelmed to know anything but how true it is–it seems–that this life is wrong and cruel and I need to figure it out).

 

So who would we be without our story when we’re overwhelmed?

 

Watch the inquiry here:

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Summer Camp for The Mind starts July 20th. We meet Monday-Friday at a different time every day (so you can pick and choose what works with your time zone). Sliding scale based on what you think you’ll join. Every session recorded. Read about it here.

 

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I’m against it! Argue with reality and you lose (and it does NOT mean Be Passive)!

As I prepare for Eating Peace Basics 101 course coming up tomorrow June 24th on Wednesdays at 9am PT (info here) I’m struck by noticing in the world with all the unrest and uprising that there’s a fountain of energy bursting upward.

Energy bursting doesn’t mean it’s wrong, or bad, or horrible.
Fountains burst up, the geysers in Yellowstone National Park burst up, and we take photos and are awed by their splendor.

Groups of people burst out and march and stand for what they believe. It’s an energy to respect, whether you’re in the crowd or not. 

I sure respect it. 

Something important is happening. There’s energy rising.
Here it is!!Am I a part of the problem? Can I be an active part of the solution? 

I notice I didn’t treat my compulsions in the same way, with respect and curiosity and self-inquiry….knowing something of importance was underway.

I used to have compulsions with food that were so intense it felt like I could do nothing but go through the whole binge-eating routine when I was inside the compulsion. 

What if that cycle wasn’t wrong?

I know, I know. 

That sounds crazy. 

Who would want to suffer with such an intense energy, and allow it to live and be there, without argument?

Wouldn’t that be passive and neglectful and Not Standing Up For What I Want? Don’t I need to set boundaries or something?

What I love about an “addictive” process, like over-eating, is that it hurts. There’s no denying that. 

It pointed me, kind of forced me basically, to look at my own mind and how I was thinking.

Perhaps that’s exactly what’s happening with uprisings, unrest, civil disorder, a transformation desired. 

Change is longed for. Change is wanted. Change is dreamed of. 

That’s what happens when someone becomes deeply tired or full of suffering about their own behavior. 

At least it was for me. I wanted change. 

It seemed like peace was somewhere other than with me. 

But even when I didn’t feel it, I was built to already know what peace is. 

I wanted it–I knew what it was!

We know when it appears NOT to be peaceful. We know, because we have an inner guidance system towards peace.

We know what peace feels like!

This is helpful to notice.

The thing is, the tricky mind which is so brilliant and quick often says “this is not it” so it makes plans and instructions to shut that WRONG way down with hatred, criticism, rules, rage, suffering or more efforting than ever. 

Fight, fight, fight. 

I am against What Is. Arguing with what is. 

I did that over and over when it came to food and eating, and the episodes continued. 

I tried to ignore them, destroy them, use willpower and violence to break them.

It did not work, ever. 

(It also doesn’t work with other people, or groups of people, I notice). 

It never occurred to me, until I sought help, to wonder what was going on internally that resulted in wild eating or wild thinking?

It certainly never occurred to me to allow it instead of argue with it. 

But that is exactly where to begin.

Not arguing with reality.

Who would we be without our story of looking at something and claiming it is WRONG?!

Aware. Willing. Curious. Ready to learn.

Turning the thought around: I don’t need to fight this difficult predicament, this compulsion, this contentious person. I need to allow it all in. I need to let it be here. My thinking needs to fight this (haha, isn’t it always interested in a good fight)? I need to love this, connect with this, understand this. What if the compulsion cycle is “right”? What if it’s an attempt to “right” something, like a boat that’s been tipped over on the water? 

What if that difficult experience is a reaching for connection and peace, in the absence (or the illusion of the absence) of both?

What if something is believed to be wrong…that is not actually wrong? Could I be missing something, with this thinking and believing mind?

If you’d like to explore the stories specifically that seem to fuel confusion when it comes to eating, food and weight….you may love the journey we’re about to begin tomorrow: Eating Peace Basics 101. 

Question your thinking, and watch the weird eating behaviors, cravings, and off-balance patterns with food dissolve. 

Join me for the inquiry, support and sharing. A great adventure.

Read more about each week and the topics and details here, and sign up to join me if you’re able.

For even more on this topic of inquiry and wild eating, watch my facebook live from yesterday right here.

May you find peace if you’ve felt torture with a journey, a relationship, a compulsion, your own mind. 

Much love, Grace

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The dis-ease of pandemic thinking, pandemic eating…and how to stop

For decades (centuries?) humans have wondered and studied the answer to the question: where does eating stress begin and how do we stop it?
Pan-Demic means literally “pan” which is all-world, every-thing, every-where, across-all-things. “Demic” or dem means people.
All People. Everywhere.
Affected by a disease.
Several weeks ago, I received a list of research done during this pandemic around those suffering from disordered eating, and how much off-balance eating behaviors have spiked. In some, 70% worse than usual. For some, a return of old behavior with eating.
Although pandemic means a disease affecting human bodies in the physical world, it seems thoughts, too, can feel dis-eased and all-encompassing. Thoughts about sickness, isolation, worry, weight, self, the future. They become overwhelming.
Compulsion is especially like that.
It feels like we’ve been enchanted like in a fairy tale, or taken over like a zombie. Like we have no choice but to do our eating thing.
Must eat it. Now. Can’t stop. Chew, chew, chew, gobble. Hunt for next item. Get it while you can. Pretty soon we need to deal with this damage, but for now hurry and eat.
 
The mind is running wildly, careening around like a terrified animal almost, when on a binge.
Graze eating without being able to stop getting up and getting more, with pauses in between, is like a constant underlying anxiety running.
Then, the same mind full of frantic thoughts also starts to attack you.
Why did you just eat that? Can’t you remember the diet? What’s wrong with you, you stupid idiot?
 
The stream of thinking that feels so global and pandemic doesn’t care what the target of its commentary is….it is frantic, furious, terrified, angry, frustrated, stuck and it thinks frantic, furious, terrified, angry, frustrated, stuck thoughts.
More and more and more of them.
Eventually for this eating episode, you’re exhausted and you quit eating and fall into bed, or do your purging behaviors, and vow to yourself to quit this for the thousandth time.
So what is going on with this chaotic eating?
Something seems dreadfully wrong.
But what if what you were doing was trying to make something right?
 
What if a binge episode, or overeating, graze eating, moody eating, lonely eating was you trying to feel better, or prevent feeling worse?
As Byron Katie says; the alcohol, the drug, the ice cream, the buying spree are doing their job.
If we looked with compassion at this job the mind insists on giving these behaviors or substances, we simply see a misdirected, frightened mindset.
The pair of glasses we have on is dark, scratched, distorted, dis-eased. It’s pandemic. It feels like it becomes everything!
We perceive a pandemic–the mind is producing thoughts that all have the color of worry, fret, self-criticism, desperation, hunger, danger.
So what’s going on if my thinking is so freaked out?
Let’s just notice.
I’m out of touch with my body’s fullness or emptiness. Something else seems more important. Who cares about food being fuel!
I’m thinking something happening is a critical matter, and it’s disturbing as hell.
The thing is, the minute I say “this is not good” as I gaze upon the weight of my body, or those other people who might be looking at me, or my emotions, or the dangers of being alive….
….I naturally want to get back to “this IS good”.
Eating feels good. For a few bites at least. So I eat.
Of course, sooooo disappointing when the joy of the first bites fade so quickly.
Byron Katie suggests to see what you were thinking before you thought about eating off-balance, and investigate it, question it.
Could it be simply “I don’t like it! It’s scary!” is the thought before any eating (or compulsion) happens?
Even beginning to wonder about this can lead to fascinating awareness.
“I don’t like it! Urgent! Urgent!
“I have to do something about the thing I don’t like!”
Is it true?
Are you sure?
How do you react when you believe you don’t like it, and you have to do something about this thing you don’t like?
Are you sure you’re clear about what you do and do not like?
(I sure wasn’t–it seemed the food was good, but not really what I wanted. There just wasn’t any peace. I thought I loved to eat, but I also hated it).
Who would you be WITHOUT the belief you don’t like something, and you need to do something about the thing you don’t like?
WHAT?!!
Not do anything about it?
But.
Don’t I have to watch what I eat, follow the diet plan, worry, forecast the future, regret the past, weigh myself to check to see if I’m doing it right or wrong, suffer, use willpower, make myself conform?
I don’t have to do anything?
Hmmm. What an amazing idea. Just notice.
Turning the thought around: I’m OK with it (the thing I thought I hated). 
Could this be just as true?
Am I breathing? Am I still alive? Did I survive it?
Yes.
Turning the thought around again: I don’t like my thinking. Or, only my thinking doesn’t like “it” (anything we’re directing negative attention to). 
The inner me, the center of myself, the “I”, the witness, the life force I’m a part of, the mysterious, God, source….it is already OK with everything. Not against any feeling, person, incident, place, experience.
Mental energy can feel pandemic, encompassing all of what we are, fueling our behavior.
But it is not All of Us. It is not constant (even if it’s appeared very repetitive). It is not everything we are.
There is something here, without thought, beyond thought.
As Van Morrison says “let’s go into the mystery”. 
There, we are beyond compulsion, restriction, over-consumption, worrying, frantic eating, right vs wrong.
Touching base with that….we are free right now.
If you’re interested in the spiritual, spirited, mysterious journey of eating and learning to hold the experience as a messenger instead of an enemy, then we’re starting on Wednesdays this coming week.
June 24-August 12, 2020 9am-10:30am Pacific Time.
Read more about the Eating Peace Basics course and sign up here.
Let’s access the pan-demic of peace and turn our compulsions around.
If you want to calmly, gently, lovingly relax into peace with eating, food and body weight, it all begins in the mind and heart.
Not against it, but open to it. Welcoming it. In favor of it. Allowing it. Approving of it.
“If you act from fear, there’s no way you can receive love, because you’re trapped in a thought about what you have to do for love….but once you question your thoughts, you discover that you don’t have to do anything for love. It was all an innocent misunderstanding.” ~ Byron Katie in I Need Your Love, Is That True?
How do we stop stress eating? Question our thinking. Open to rest, instead of fear. Notice the peace here, now.
It may not be as “hard” as you think.
Much love,
Grace
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Two stories to question to solidly begin the healing journey to eating peace

Often when people come to do The Work on eating issues or weight troubles, they say they aren’t sure what they’re thinking or believing….so it’s too hard to do The Work.
The first step in doing The Work of Byron Katie, after all, is identifying what you’re thinking, so that you can question it.
They have some wisdom in this noticing.
It seems like all there is, is a swirl of emotion, agony, failure and guilt for having this weird off-balance wild eating thing that goes on.
There’s planning on how to control it (diets) and enduring self-hatred, anger, even rage, and despair.
The feelings are so big, even just in thinking or telling the story of eating, weight gain, weight loss, struggles with certain foods….it can feel like a nightmare.
What the heck is going on here?
Well…it seems complicated. 
So many experts have multitudes of philosophies about what’s necessary to heal this predicament of over-eating or under-eating or terrorizing ourselves with food or our belief that we have imperfect bodies.
I’ve noticed two stories, that really relate to this statement that people make over and over; “I don’t know what I’m thinking, I just feel terrible”. (I don’t know what I’m thinking, I just know I want to eat, eat, eat….and then I feel horrible about myself). 
Here’s what these stories are.
See if you ever think they’re true, or not:
1) This eating/compulsion issue is not a problem in the mind, it’s about food, eating and the body and getting these ‘right’. 
 
2) This eating/compulsion issue is about problems with difficult emotions; if I didn’t react so big, I wouldn’t eat.
 
The thing about these two stories is they have some truth in them…but the mind starts problem-solving and drawing conclusions on how to work with these stories in stressful ways, that require diets, control, willpower, and lots of planning and forecasting.
I don’t know about you, but the last thing I needed when it came to eating was more planning, controlling, dieting, manipulating and managing food and eating or my feelings or trying to make my feelings smaller.
What I desperately wanted and had a vision for, was to feel like I did when I was a little kid: carefree about eating.
I know, I know.
Some of you can’t remember ever feeling carefree about food and eating. But when you were born, I think you were born with all the raw material needed for balance with food.
But no wonder we feel so bad, and we’re not even sure what we’re thinking and believing!
It’s a tangle in there!
The first story, that this problem resides within the body and within eating behavior or food itself and not the mind….well, that’s maybe partially accurate.
But what happens with the awareness of this story?
The mind stamps the culprit as “guilty”!
The blame lies in the behavior, the food, the body.
So let’s punish, control, structure and give rules for what’s Allowed and Not Allowed to the human so they know how to behave. We’ll fix this problem!
That can work if the rules are followed. Sort of.
Except. The rules aren’t followed sometimes (or maybe a lot of the time).
Plus, what if you want to live freely without dictatorship?
What if want to learn how to naturally reside in peace and kindness with food, eating and the body?
What if you want the attitude you carry to be genuinely joyful and guilt-free when it comes to eating….and wake up to a new way of life in relation to having a body (one that needs to eat in order to live)?
What I learned about my own crazed eating was that it was in my mind that things went crazy first.
I began to think very stressful thoughts about acceptance, rejection, perfection, anger, right bodies, wrong bodies, weight, trauma, worry, control and fear.
I began to observe other peoples’ terror of fatness, and scare myself with the same belief.
I didn’t realize that if I questioned my entire paradigm around dangerous foods, “bad” eating behavior, urges and cravings, and the need for the best body ever….I might have settled down and stopped feeling so frantic about food.
If I had been able to know that my trouble was in my perspective about eating, my interpretation with what I saw, I would have focused much more on my mind than on the scale or the latest diet. Or the next binge.
The second story also has an element of truth, but is again a bit tricky.
2) This eating/compulsion issue is about problems with difficult emotions; if I didn’t react so big, I wouldn’t eat.
 
Well, sure.

 

Big emotions of depression, fear, irritation, sadness or loneliness often feel like they need soothing.

 

If your mind and thoughts are like mine, then you’ll notice when big feelings come it seems dangerous.

 

We have to shut those things down, we think.

 

What better way to do this, than to eat or do some other kind of addictive or compulsive activity?

 

Eat. Big emergency feeling is over.
 
We’ve all heard of the term “emotional eating”. If you’ve done it before, you feel upset, and after a little while (or immediately), the idea of eating sweet, soothing, salty or tasty things sounds fantastic.

 

So the mind then concludes that if only we could get at what made you so emotional and understand it, or make it so these emotions don’t erupt in the first place….then you’ll stop eating because of emotions.

 

Again, the underlying premise of this story is emotions are the thing to blame, the guilty party.

 

So let’s shove them down, eliminate them.

 

We’re back to willpower, management, control, restricting feelings, holding back, forcing, following the rules.

 

Kinda like diets, only towards “feelings” instead.

 

Of course we don’t know what we’re really thinking, we just feel confused and terrible.

 

And keep on eating.

 

For me, this healing work when it comes to eating is about identifying beliefs that are the very foundations we stand on and believe about life…and questioning them.

 

Good news: It’s not as difficult to identify the thoughts and beliefs as you think.

 

The first step is to look at this war-torn land of destructive behavior about eating, food, body and weight and don’t try to DO something immediately, which is what we’ve always done.

 

Instead, let’s ask “I wonder what I must be thinking and believing that would be the trigger for this behavior?”

 

Even this answer may not be as complicated as you think.

 

Does this mean to never structure your food or plan on what you’ll be eating tomorrow?

 

No. Some people really need this as a deeply supportive way to help them stop freaking out about food right now.

 

In the upcoming Eating Peace Basics Live Zoom Course, we’ll be talking about thoughts, feelings and the food itself.

 

Each week, I will share one story (we’ll start with the first two I’ve shared here today) and work with the beliefs that support all these particular stories of agony with eating.

 

This work is about healing eating issues from the inside out.

 

There is no magic pill. But there may be far more magic than you realize…if magic is greater lightness, joy and peace when it comes to eating.

 

Some struggle for so long with eating, they think it’s impossible to end their battle.

 

I believe that for anyone willing to look at thought systems and to question them, it’s possible to change the way you live with food.

 

Eating Peace Basics 101 Online Live Course will run June 24th – August 12th with live Wednesday calls (all recorded) from 9am-10:30am Pacific Time (or start time of Noon ET or 6pm Europe).
In this course I’ll share 8 key foundational stories–one every week–that are key to investigating so we can dissolve the eating wars we’ve been fighting.
To identify our thinking inside these common stories, and then question the beliefs running for us, makes peace possible.
It has for me. I eat whatever and whenever I want without fear, and my weight seems to stay the same, for many years now.
I once ate like I was taken over by an evil force, or a zombie, with huge desperate binges, forced vomiting, torturous exercising by running for miles, and self-hatred.
This no longer occurs to me.
It’s my joy to facilitate freedom from that kind of inner pain with you or anyone suffering from eating wars.
Read more about the Eating Peace Basics course here.
To hear me share more about these first two stories that are helpful to question in the overall healing journey with eating, watch below.

Much love,
Grace
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When you believe physical pain is a huge problem….The Work

Have you had aggression, upset, anger or resignation about pain in your body?
Oh, I have indeed.
That injury from August 2013, to be specific. Where the hamstring blah blah blah.
If you’re new here to my story, the right hamstring got torn off the bone (I did gymnastics, literally) and it was surgically repaired with pins in the sits bone. It rarely stops hurting for more than a few days.
At first I wrote “it never stops hurting” but that’s not true, so I had to go back and change it to “it rarely stops hurting”.
But that’s not really true either.
Once I went almost 3 weeks without pain, I go on my bike or out for a walk every day, I sleep well (so that’s 7 or 8 hours without even remembering it hurts), I’m super into doing The Work with people so I’m working with folks on zoom and it doesn’t even cross my mind when I’m in sessions….
….So yah. Many minutes do not include pain around this injury.
A few weeks ago, a lovely woman shared honestly her jumbled and upset thoughts about her shoulder and arm and radiating pain and came to a powerful thought about it:
This pain is ruining my life.
 
Woah. That’s a pretty big deal. I think I can relate.
Recently in our online retreat (which was so awesome, I loved every minute of it and all the amazing people who joined to question their thinking)….someone shared about her body pain and the idea that it might last the rest of her life.
I heard her. I have heard that voice in my head saying “this will last for the rest of your life! Never the same again! It’s all down hill from here!”
Who are we without the story of physical pain?
I notice I am not in denial. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt when it DOES obviously hurt.
But I can see that even with it, as it morphs, fades in and out, turns up the volume, or turns it down….my thinking about it can be questioned.
It’s ruining my life.
Is that true?
For me, not one bit.
The amazing retreat still happened. I learned, sat with the others, heard the beautiful voice of my colleague Tom who has such a fabulous flavor of The Work.

This same pair of glasses can be worn to look at our beliefs about emotional pains that we believe ruined, or are ruining, our lives.

Is it true?
Much love,
Grace