Month: March 2015

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The Purpose of Life Is Happiness

happyheartsSo many questions about the Desire virtual class starting Thursday.

You may find answers by clicking right HERE.

In a nutshell, each class you will log-in (and dial-in using your phone or skype) to a webinar and follow along in exercises geared entirely towards:

a) identifying what you’re lacking in important areas of your life

b) noticing what does work in these areas, even if very small

c) burning your stressful beliefs by questioning them

d) naming and claiming your own personal core desired feelings–the living turnarounds–in these same areas you care about the most

I’ve loved doing this work myself and found it sooooo affirming.

Ready to sign up now? [rps-paypal]

I’ve identified what I really thought I wanted, what felt desirable, in many areas of my life.

I’ve wondered openly what I would have, if I attained my greatest desire.

In the end, it’s usually some kind of feeling….safety, happiness, excitement, ease.

What is it you desire? What do you think you’d have, if you got it?

Are you sure you can’t feel this now, in the present….without attaining that great desire, that condition, that person, that object?

We’ll question our stressful stories around moving towards what we think we want. We’ll do this together in the class, I’ll guide you through.

After doing this work (combining the Work of Byron Katie and desire mapping and exploring feelings) I’ve landed….for now….on my own core desired feelings:

Amazon, Luxurious, Mystic, Serenity

Just saying these words feels creative, delicious, and like powerful medicine personal to my path.

As I do The Work of Byron Katie, when I arrive in the turnarounds, the opposites to my stressful thoughts (the last step in The Work) I can call in these feelings, these words, and imagine how I would live if I felt these feelings.

Some examples.

I notice I desire time, insight, being of service, and freedom from dread—instead, joy.

So what do I perceive is NOT working when it comes to time, insight, being of service and freedom from dread?

Well! Glad you asked!

Time: I don’t have enough. 

Insight: I need more time with my teachers and books.

Being of service: I could reach more people.

Freedom from dread: Life seems like more fun without dreading something in the future (ha ha!)

I start with the one on top of the list: I NEED MORE TIME.

I get a good solid sense of a situation in which I believed this to be very true.

Yah, I got it. Yesterday when I had to pick up my kid unexpectedly right in the middle of rush hour traffic, right in the middle of recording my podcast.

I need more time!!

I take this situation through inquiry.

Is it true that I need more time?

Yes Yes Yes.

Absolutely?

Uhm. Well. No.

How do I react when I believe I need more time?

Frustrated, tight, clenched, small.

Who would you be without the belief you need more time?

Wow, in that moment? Hmmmm.

I’d be freely moving from microphone, into car holding keys, wearing my cute slippers, heading out to the school. Break time. Time to talk with my kid. Listening to 3 messages from one of closest friends in the world. Breathing deeply. Relaxed.

Turning the thought around: I do NOT need more time. I have ENOUGH time.

Can I find real examples, genuine examples, of how this could be just as true…..or truer?

Well….one of the most important things in my life are my kids and spending time with them, and that’s what I get to do when I pick her up. It doesn’t even have to be long, it only takes 20 minutes door-to-school-to-door.

I also notice I’m not dying today (I know that’s dramatic, but its an example)!

I also have enough time because I am not a special case–I get just the right amount of time for me–not unlike many other humans.

I have enough time to buy groceries, get gas, work out at the gym, read books, write these Grace Notes, work with clients, create classes, facilitate retreats, do interviews, record podcasts, watch Birdman last week (won best picture), work with deeply important spiritual teachers, go out to lunch with a colleague, and meditate.

And that’s only starters.

What if I felt amazon, luxurious, mystic and serenity when it comes to time?

Ha ha! *AWESOME!*

Waaaaaaayyyyy different than powerless, scarce, tiny and frustrated.

Nice turnaround to live, these beautiful feelings I identified for myself.

You can do this too.

You can zone in on the unique feelings you celebrate, honor and love to experience when you turn your stressful thoughts around.

Come find out how on Thursday….join us!

If you can’t because you’re in an alternate time zone, or you’re scheduled, don’t worry.

This means its not right for right now.

You can follow the process I just outlined and find your core desired feelings, and your stressful beliefs about why you can’t get there, and take your beliefs to inquiry using the four questions.

I know you can do it.

“I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy.  From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering.  Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affect this.  From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment.  I don’t know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves.  Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.” ~ Dalai Lama

Love, Grace

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Miraculous Powers of Thought

The other day I was connecting with people online in a webinar about “desire” and questioning stressful beliefs that arise about everything we desire.

One of the first written exercises during the webinar was to think about areas of life I suggested (there were five) and then notice what you’re grateful for that already exists in these areas.

Someone wrote in the Q & A a great and very honest question:

What if I’m not grateful for anything in this area of my life?

What a powerful question….and so great to admit because often, there’s a voice that shouts “You should be grateful! Look at what you have compared to the poor people in Africa! Just to live in this society you’re in the top 8% in the world for resources, quit complaining!”

If you’re ordering yourself to have grateful thoughts, think positively, tell yourself affirmations, or STOP thinking about the terrible dreaded thing that happened…..

…..you might find yourself failing. Miserably.

And then feeling even worse.

So let’s say you’ve been having an extremely hard time with food and eating (as many of you may know, my story is recovery from bulimia and anorexia and horrible relationship with eating).

Or how about money….that’s another hot topic for pain, difficulty and despair around not having enough.

You’re unhappy with your body or your eating, you’re unhappy with the low level of money you have…..

…..and its a long, long way to gratitude.

So why not go ahead and give the upset voice the floor.

Let it speak.

Perhaps it’s shouting for some good reason, some important reason.

The reality is, that voice appears to be upset….and you can fortunately do The Work when a feeling of upset, dread, scarcity or unhappiness comes over you.

It clears the air, on your way to gratitude (without TRYING to get to gratitude, so don’t even think about getting there until you do).

Where to begin with letting that upset voice speak?

Write down what’s wrong with your situation. Write only one thing. To keep it sharply simple.

I am upset with my financial situation because: I can’t pay my rent.

Now answer….why is THAT upsetting? What does it mean about you that you can’t pay your rent?

I have no support. I’ll have no place to live. I’m a loser. I’m doing something wrong. I’m dependent. I’m missing something other people are not missing. I’m a taker not a giver.

What about food and eating….what’s upsetting about this dynamic?

I am upset with the way I eat because: I’m too preoccupied with food.

Why are you upset about being too preoccupied with food?

I’m too heavy. I hurt myself. I can’t control my feelings. I’m unattractive. I’m wasting my life. I can’t get close to people.

Take a moment to sit with why these things upsetting, let your most painful thinking spill out onto paper.

Write it down.

I’m doing something wrong. I’m missing something other people aren’t missing. I’m too anxious, angry, sad. People dislike me. I’m not strong enough.

These thoughts are your keys to inquiry.

Ask yourself the four questions, or have someone facilitate you.

Only question one belief. Not all of them at once.

Example:

There’s something wrong with me.

Take this thought through self-inquiry. Answer all the questions, no matter what you say for any answer. Keep going!

Here are the questions:

  • Is this thought you’re thinking…..true?
  • Can you absolutely know this thought is true?
  • How do you react, what happens, when you have this thought running through your head?
  • Who would you be in this situation without this belief? Use your imagination…what would it be like for you to not have the thought?
  • What’s the opposite? Could this be just as true, or truer? What’s an example?

Look around the room you’re in. Feel your body. Who are you, just being right in the moment, without thinking “Jesus, you need to fix this, because there really is something wrong.”

This really can clear the air, but it takes a moment in time to look. It takes your creativity. It takes believing your own mind can be used to see in a new way (it can).

It takes the conviction that your thinking is very powerful and your thoughts create your feelings and your experience of reality (it appears they do).

Who would you be without the belief you’re doing something wrong, or missing something here?

When it comes to money, or eating….or finding a mate, or succeeding, or producing, or changing, or doing that thing?

If you feel you’ve made many mistakes, or the situations you’ve been in are insurmountable, or success is too difficult, or freedom appears impossible….

….keep holding still with the idea of who you are without your thought!

Use your imagination!

What if you turned your thoughts around about money, or eating (or whatever else you’ve found difficult)?

There is nothing wrong with me. There is something wrong with my thinking (and maybe not even that). There is something right with me.

See what you can find that’s genuinely true for you.

I found when I did The Work on my money situation I noticed I wasn’t lying in a ditch starving. I was eligible for food stamps but actually didn’t wind up using them (I apparently had enough). I had a roof over my head. I liked the beautiful color of the carpet on the floor in my cottage.

I was sitting still, which was relaxing. I didn’t work 12 hours a day, in fact I hardly worked at all and recognized the freedom in having zero possessions. I had time to read. I had friends, connections, family. My car worked.

My mind was not completely insane–it got frantic with worry, but it wasn’t so crazed I needed to go to the loony bin. I could take a deep breath. I had a great resume. I was willing. I knew a lot about some things. I could be useful, I could vacuum my own house (I had a vacuum, and a house).

I knew other people who had recovered from terrible eating disorders. I didn’t binge 24 hours a day, there were lots of spaces of emptiness, including at night when I slept. I was born with a mind and body just like everyone else. It was humanly possible to overcome adversity and addiction. I had heard many success stories, and I was a human.

I was capable of reading and learning and even when I didn’t or wouldn’t, and I noticed these activities weren’t required for peace. I could just sit here and be someone who wasn’t doing anything. There wasn’t wrongness inherently in me being here. My heart was still beating, my lungs expanding and contracting. My blood pumping.

Who would you be without believing your stressful story?

I notice the more I ask myself this question, and then answer it….

….the more grateful I am.

“Desire can produce a universe; its powers are miraculous. Just as a small matchstick can set a huge forest on fire, so does a desire light the fires of manifestation. The very purpose of creation is the fulfillment of desire…..But just as a sleeping man forgets all and wakes up for another day, or he dies and emerges into another life, so do the worlds of desire and fear dissolve and disappear. Being nothing, I am all. Everything is me, everything is mine.” ~ Nisargadatta

I desire something, I do The Work, I find relief, I find joy in this present moment, right here.

Paradoxically, the joy felt now brings me closer to what I desired in the first place….balance, peace, simplicity.

It may not look the way I expected, or have unfolded the way I wanted on MY personal time line, the focus is freedom in the seeing, without the problem-oriented mind dominating everything.

No expectation for what will happen tomorrow, but I know if I begin to suffer, I have The Work to do….

….and take myself back to freedom of feeling clear, of feeling good.

This coming Thursday begins a 6 week journey in exploring Desire, discovering what’s really true and what our feelings are, and investigating deeply the powerful thoughts that come between us and what we need in order to be truly happy.

We’ll have a webinar every week, with slides to watch….the opportunity to journal, ask questions, identify what you don’t like, return to your feeling of allowing what is (even loving what is without forcing it).

You’ll get to look at five important life areas: livelihood, relationships, body/health, learning, and spirituality.

You’ll get to see what it is you really want….

….not focusing so much on the details, but instead the feelings of your true nature in every area.

(It looks like joy or peace or both).

Even if joining the class isn’t your thing then watching where you enter a war with reality, with what’s happened in your life, is the best place to start.

Question your thinking, change your world.

Love, Grace

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How To Find The Joy of Desiring Without Wanting Any Outcome

I am what I desire
I am what I desire

When I was a teenager, if you had asked me about what I wanted to do in my life, what I really loved, or what I truly desired….

….I would have looked at you oddly and kept my mouth shut.

Those were rather frightening questions.

So much can go wrong with how one answers.

First of all….the person asking might take what you say and use it against you later.

“She SAID she’s got a crush on Evan Matthews. I HEARD her say it!!” 

(Group of kids are standing around laughing, pointing and cackling about the news).

Or….the person to whom you have revealed what you want is offended or disappointed.

“I worked so hard cooking this meal, I can’t believe you ate dinner somewhere else, that’s so rude.” 

Or….the response to your desire is luke warm or uncomfortable.

“Going to that play sounds totally boring.”

What about great far-reaching desires that take a long time, or are challenging to accomplish? Sometimes the response to these are very dismissive or critical.

“Are you sure you’re smart enough for medical school? Do you know what it takes to succeed in business? Don’t you get too nervous on stage?”

And finally, some of the most painful inputs about what we desire can come from groups, institutions, whole societies, religions, schools.

“Don’t bother trying out for varsity. If you feel attraction for that person, something’s wrong with you. Be careful what you want, you can make a mistake. Your desire is greedy, bad, selfish.”

Yikes.

I noticed so much conflict in my own movements towards what I thought I wanted, I got more and more and more careful, timid and tentative about going for anything.

Or I wanted to secretly sneak things behind the backs of whomever was watching me (like eating).

It’s very painful to have great desire and be sparked by a fire, and then think of it as messed up, too hard, sick or impossible.

I love doing The Work on my desires, when they’ve felt uncomfortable, unfulfilled, or misdirected.

One of my favorite things is to identify what it is that worries me about something I find attractive. Or what it is that would be much better if I had it than things are right now.

“What would I have, if I had this item, this experience, this dream come true? What would be possible for me?”

Hmmm.

I remember doing this work on MONEY.

Oh money.

I really did want money so desperately. I always felt off with money. Loving it, feeling embarrassed about loving it. Wanting to hide it if I had it (from all the other jealous or competitive people). So miserable without it.

What would I really have, if I had lots and lots of money?

I would have ease. I could relax. I’d have time to read, meditate, write and visit gurus. I would feel thrilled and expansive. I would feel blissful. I would feel care-free, unafraid, untamed, free.

I’d feel safe.

So now the next great question….what is preventing you from feeling these wonderful feelings right now, even as you desire money?

Are you sure you need money, in order to feel safe? Comfortable? Cared for? Abundant? Able to learn?

Who would you be without the thought that you can’t feel safe, thrilled, excited, blissful, generous, loved and accepted right now, right here in your life, without anything added (or subtracted for that matter).

Gosh.

I’d feel curious.

I’d feel much safer suddenly. I’d feel trusting. Grounded. I’d feel kind of excited.

I’d notice that right now, even without the thing I want (person, item, experience) I’m breathing, looking about, and things are happening.

I want to clap!

I feel joy!

How do you think you’ll be more open to moving closer to money….with stressful thoughts about it, or an open mind and curiosity and a feeling of safety?

How do you think you’ll find that fabulous mate, or go through cancer treatment, or stop overeating or smoking cigarettes….

….filled with anxiety about how awful or weak or boring you are….

….or open to feeling this whole present experience and not missing a drop of love, awareness, safety or peace in the moment NOW?

It’s such a fun life to find the exquisite beauty in what I’m pursuing, to be drawn towards it, to discover the joy of noticing how lovely it is.

Now is when I’m doing the noticing.

Ha ha!

And yes, it really doesn’t matter if I get the thing at all.

“When you have no destination in view, you can go anywhere. You realize that whatever life brings you is good, so you look forward to it all. There’s no such thing as adversity. Adversity is just an unquestioned thought….

….We think that because Jesus and the Buddha wore robes and owned nothing, that’s how freedom is supposed to look. But can you live a normal life and be free? Can you do it from here, right now? That’s what I want for you. We have the same desire: your freedom….

….Abundance has nothing to do with money. Wealth and poverty and internal. Whenever you think that you know something and it feels stressful, you’re experiencing poverty. Whenever you realize that what you have is enough and more than enough, you’re rich…. I love having money, and I love not having it.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

This great discovery is the feelings in the present, at the core.

We’ll be having a wonderful time putting words to these present moment feelings in the upcoming Desire & The Work course that starts next Thursday.

Every week, we’ll explore an area people consider in their lives to be fulfilling, interesting, and fun.

We’ll identify stressful thoughts….our adversity towards these areas….

….and we’ll question our thoughts using The Work.

We’ll combine some of the lovely work of Danielle LaPorte author of The Desire Map to celebrate the unique flavor we have in our particular expression of whatever this is we’re being.

We’ll come back to reality, now.

Which I always discover is very friendly, when my thinking doesn’t get in the way.

A Smile and A Gentleness

There is a smile and a gentleness inside. When I learned the name and address of that, I went to where you sell perfume. I begged you not to trouble me so with longing. Come out and play! Flirt more naturally! Teach me how to kiss. On the ground a spread blanket, flame that’s caught and burning well, cumin seeds browning, I am inside all of this with my soul. ~ Rumi

If you’d like to join the 6 week journey of exploring desire, questioning the stressful thoughts that appear, tasting the flavors that seem just right for you….now….then click HERE.

Love, Grace

P.S. If you missed the webinar on the introduction to Desire and The Work of Byron Katie….Click HERE to watch and listen.

 

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You Grow Older, You Don’t Know Why

I was interviewed recently on how the work is helpful for women over forty by my friend and fellow-inquirer Roberta Mittman.

It was sweet!

And wow….women over forty as a topic….phew!

I have found The Work so powerful for thoughts and beliefs that have to do with being over a certain age, changes in the life trajectory, relationship challenges, health adjustments, loss, awareness.

Sometimes the beliefs that seem to match a certain age, and beyond, are strangely uncomfortable.

You might know they are superficial, or not as important as other thoughts (that’s where my mind would always go) yet they are present.

These wrinkles are ugly, I need to look young, I want to feel more energy, these hot flashes are irritating, my life is over.

There are also other thoughts many women have who enter the middle time of their lives about career, lack of success, needing a mate by now or wanting to leave the one they have.

It’s powerful to see what we’re telling ourselves is true.

And to ask…..are you sure?

Or to see if something IS indeed true for you (as in aging) why is that a bad thing? Are you sure it’s hard, or difficult, or frightening?

If you’d like to opt-in to get the links to the interviews, a collection of interesting topics for women over forty (including mine) then do it right here:  Click Here to Join Love Your Mind, Love Your Body.

Who would you be without the belief that being “Over Forty” is troubling, for whatever reason?

It leads to the great question, I find, that death is coming.

I know that sounds weird. Maybe extreme.

But when I really look deeply at being past the middle of a normal timeline of human life…..I’m on my way closer to the end than I used to be. No longer at the beginning.

Who would I be without the belief death is difficult, or troubling, or hard, or a disappointment?

Woah, really?

I find it exciting just to imagine being without these thoughts about death.

Like I can’t wait to see what happens when death comes, and I’ll be ready.

“The breeze blows that way, and that’s the way you go. You don’t ask questions anymore. You don’t evaluate why the breeze is blowing that way because you know that you don’t know why. And you know you can’t know why. There’s never been a leaf anywhere that knows why the wind blows that way on that day at that moment. That breeze changes the orientation of your life, moment to moment to moment, simply because that’s the way life’s moving. And when you’re living in your awakened self you have no argument with the way it’s moving because it is the same as you are.” ~ Adyashanti

Love, Grace

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A Terrifying Story Turns Funny

picturesandstories
inquiry always leaves you with less of a story…or a funnier one

I was working with a woman who had a very troubling memory.

Raging in her household, frightened times, hiding in a closet.

These dramatic experiences are difficult to remember and recall. Isn’t this the stuff worth forgetting? Don’t I prefer to get away from it, not dredge it up, shaking the bottle of settled water with sediment sitting on the bottom?

Now, the bottle is full of cloudy water! I hate this! Why do I want to look at that old memory, what good could it possibly do?!

It’s naturally human to feel resistance to remembering something difficult. And no one says you have to go over it again.

But with The Work, what I noticed for me is…..

…..the profound relief of discovering my memories getting resolved and taking their natural place.

In the past.

And sometimes, they become kind of funny, instead of horrific.

A memory.

I am in the dining room with my entire family, everyone has just taken their seat (we always sit in the same seats) and the meal is beautiful and elegant. Silverware, place mats, traditional antique grand table.

One of my sisters and I have set up a tape recorder to “PLAY” on the side board with a one-hour recording tape running. The tape recorder went missing for awhile, under someone’s bed, but now we’ve found a new blank tape and are working as spies.

Dinner is served, the meal is underway. My sister and I keep looking at each other and giggling, knowing EVERYTHING is being recorded. We are doing a great secret job.

We’re giddy with excitement. My other sisters who don’t even know we’ve got the tape recorder running both chime in with the giggling, getting in the game, and someone laughs boisterously and everyone’s snorting at once.

There’s a commotion.

Suddenly dad slams both palms down on the table, stands up, yells “I want some goddamn quiet in here!!!!”

We’re frozen and silent.

He hits his hand on the wall and shouts again “goddamnit!” and storms out of the dining room.

We hear the door slam as he leaves.

My mom gets up silently and starts clearing the plates and tells us to help.

We all clear the table to the kitchen, put dishes in the dishwasher. My mom goes upstairs with the two younger sisters. There’s empty quiet in the kitchen.

My sister and I nod to each other, and meet at the tape recorder.

Silently, I push rewind and we stare at the humming wheels, speeding back to the beginning until clunk, it hits the beginning. I slowly reach to the PLAY button, and push it.  We stand, huddled over the recorder with the volume very low and we listen intently, not saying a word.

We hear the whole dinner table scene….and then….the terrible YELL from my dad.

With a panic my sister punches the STOP button and we both gasp and cover our mouths with horror. We have actually recorded a most terrible moment. Our hearts are beating.

Get that moment off the tape recorder, ASAP. I push erase and rewind.

Now, decades later, I marvel remembering that incident.

It was a “terrible” moment. My dad left the house for hours. He wasn’t even home yet when we went to bed.

And who am I now, in this moment, remembering that dinner table, and all my sisters, and the giggling and laughing and snorting, and my dad losing it?

Weird.

The coincidence of actually TAPE RECORDING one of the few times my dad absolutely lost his temper and stormed out of the house.

Who could have planned it?

I see now how ingenious reality was.

Making it double-obvious and crystal clear that an angry explosion had just happened. And reminding me so well about my terror of my dad getting angry and the absurdity of catching it on tape, I get to remember that moment with fresh eyes.

The eyes of much greater wisdom, and the heart of someone who can see something that is not frightening, now that I think about it.

Maybe this loving heart and these wiser eyes were also there all the way back then, when I felt like the whole situation was my fault and I was the oldest and shouldn’t have shaken things up like that.

Without my beliefs about anger and my father, or anyone else’s anger, I feel so much lighter.

I even feel like chuckling at that scene.

Or belly laughing.

That was HILARIOUS the way that happened. Don’t you agree?

Maybe you can see your difficult memory with different eyes and heart as well?

Even if your memory really wasn’t that funny….maybe you notice that right now, here, you are completely safe and its over, and its OK to take a look at what was going on back in that memory, to see if you missed anything.

Maybe something you thought was true, actually isn’t?

“Inquiry always leaves you with less of a story. Who would you be without your story? You never know until you inquire. There is no story that is you or that leads to you. Every story leads away from you. You are what exists before all stories. You are what remains when the story is understood.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace

P.S. We’re talking about Desire in a free webinar today at 10 am Pacific. Come on over! Visit yesterday’s Grace Note for link.

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Eating Peace: One Key Hidden Mistaken Belief That Feeds Compulsion

There is one really powerful, deep, intense and VERY stressful belief system that often remains hidden when it comes to food and eating….

….or any compulsive behavior.

But it’s a biggie for those who eat compulsively or secretly.

It’s called Attack of The Self.

Watch here and find out how I handle it, and work with this system of thinking the self is wrong, bad, missing something, or stupid to have this problem called overeating, or binge-eating, or compulsive self-starvation.

I’d love to hear your comments.

Much love, and lots of peace,

Grace

 

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Un-Scaring Yourself About Your Desires

Have you ever noticed inner conflict about your desires?

Probably your answer is….OF COURSE.

 [stextbox id=”custom”][Tomorrow, free webinar on Desire, 90 minutes from 10-11:30 am Pacific, see all the information to dial-in below, no registration required].[/stextbox]

I’ve often had debates about my own desires.

Should I want that thing? What if I just stopped wanting it? Is it OK to want what I want, or is there something wrong with me?

I had the terrible experience of having what I apparently wanted become very painful when it came to things like eating, smoking, drinking.

Or what about the struggle of wanting more money when you don’t have enough?

And what about attraction for people? When people are in mutually agreed monogamous relationships, and one person wishes to leave because they want to be with someone else instead, it appears to cause anguish and pain.

Can’t desire be easier? What’s going on when desire seems to bring a mixture of pleasure AND pain?

Can we trust our desires to lead us down paths of peace and enlightenment…..or difficulty and trouble?

Pursuing what we desire seems to go badly sometimes!

Yikes!

But it’s fascinating and very liberating when you study your desires, allowing all your judgments or grabbiness to be there, without being so afraid of this tricky topic.

Where to begin?

The place I love beginning first, is to look at my desires….

….and see what it is I believe the object of my desire would give me, if I had it or experienced it.

For example.

Take five minutes and write down everything you desire in your life. What do you want to add? What are you drawn to? What do you wish for, dream about, long for?

Write small to large desires. Write anything that comes to mind. Allow yourself to be petty, immature, or expansive and idealistic.

Then, start with the very first thing you wrote.

What would you have, if you had that thing, or that condition, or that new situation, or that person?

What kind of feeling would you have? What quality?

Money is a common desire for many people. More money, tons of money, endless money, millions and zillions.

Notice the image that comes to mind and how exciting you believe it would be to have all that money in your bank accounts.

What do you feel? What would you have?

When I did this work around money, I saw that I would feel secure, relaxed, safe, independent and free.

Wow, no wonder I wanted more money!

But then, I could also investigate why it was I was not secure right now with the amount of money I already had, what I was thinking that created anxiety, and how I believed I was dependent and trapped.

This helped tease out and drill down into my objections to reality!

Juicy situations for inquiry!

I could see deeply what I felt insecure about in the present, that I believed money would resolve.

Where was I really insecure? How was it true that I was not independent? Who was to blame?

I discovered in the midst of all the looking at desires in my life that I could actually enjoy the process and the experience of desiring, without feeling desperate to GET the thing.

Strange paradox. But oh so fun, and such a relief to really know what is true for me!

Tomorrow I’ll dive deeply into facilitating you to discover your desires in your life, and see what shadows or judgments arise when you admit what they are!

There are three ways to connect to the webinar tomorrow, which is entirely free: phone, skype or on the web. You need to have a computer to see your screen–there will be a slide show.

If you watch the webinar on the web, you’ll be able to send your questions and comments to me online, or you can simply listen and follow along.

The webinar will be a delicious appetizer to the full 6 week telecourse program starting next week, but there’s no obligation to join the whole course if you come to the webinar.

You will leave having a better understanding of how to enjoy your desires, and question your fears about having them, or not getting them, or the reason these desires live inside you in the first place.

Here’s how you can join (and bring a pen and paper).

Everyone please click the “event” link to see the slide show. If you want to participate, and do The Work (I highly recommend) then dial in AND click the web link.

That way, you can share and you can watch the slide show, too.

Title: Desire & The Work of Byron Katie   
Date & Time: March 26th at 10:00-11:30 am Pacific Time
Primary dial in number:
(425) 440-5100
Secondary dial in number:
(206) 494-4023
Guest pin code:
305799#
Skype: Find keypad, then call “join.conference” and after you’re connected, locate the keypad again to enter the guest pin code 305799#.
To attend on the web only (no phone or skype) click this link:
Event Page:

Join Desire & The Work Webinar 

And if you can’t make it to the webinar, simply writing out your desires, then seeing why you want them and what you really think needs improvement here will give you wonderful information for taking beliefs to inquiry, and checking your reality.

You may be surprised.

You may celebrate your desires.

As well as the present moment of your life.

Both!

Love, Grace

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The Astonishing Idea That A Quiet Mind Is All You Need

quietminddock
A quiet mind is all you need

In my podcast Peace Talk as I was turning on the microphone early this morning, I knew I would be sharing about suffering in the deepest way.

What a thing to talk about, right?

Not exactly fun, in general.

How do we deal or live with tragedy and loss, or depression and our own agony about what’s happening?

The Work, when you sit with this and answer the questions four questions, can bring freedom beyond what you might ever imaginebefore asking these questions.

I remember thinking….how can answering questions actually bring relief to the worst case scenarios in life?

It won’t change the scenarios! There’s still war, divorce, cancer, car accidents, bankruptcy!

But I was amazed to find the relief….

….and then not only relief, but freedom….

….by simply questioning my own thinking.

It’s not easy.

First, you feel overwhelmed with rage, desperation and grief. From that feeling within you naturally begin to act out the pain. You drink, you hate (yourself or others), you eat, you look down at the ground when you walk. You quit things. You stop trying.

You tell the story of how freaked out you are, or how panicked, or how incredibly depressed.

It may seem trite or ridiculous to ask the fourth question in the series of questions known as The Work of Byron Katie:

Who would you BE without the thought that all is lost, you can’t go on, your life is horrible, the pain is unbearable, the world is a terrible place full of darkness and suffering?

What if you just weren’t thinking in this moment, and instead observing, feeling….being.

What does this mean, to be?

It’s a great question. I’m not always sure.

However, I notice that my thoughts seem to concentrate intensely somewhere in the region of my brain, and flow out into my body and behavior at the speed of lightening.

When I consider “being” instead of only “thinking” I can contemplate my suffering in just a little different way.

I remember that some people…like the guy who lives two blocks down the street…isn’t suffering the way I am suffering right now.

Neither is the cat. Or the grass growing wildly in the yard.

Life on planet earth is not 100% full of suffering. There are living beings, even if all I can think of are animals, who are happy, easy, present, not full of brooding and repetitive beliefs about death or destruction.

There is life that comes out of war. Healing happens.

Love happens.

Who would I be without my own thoughts of horror?

A person sitting on a couch.

Who would I be without the thought that “I am a person” (who has just suffered some terrible loss)?

Feeling a body, hearing sounds everywhere, seeing colors and shapes, seeing pictures in my head, noticing the touch of fingers on smooth glass, breathing in, feeling the heart beat that has nothing to do with me–its just running, working, moving through some mystical unexplainable life force of energy.

Something is here, alive.

Who would you be without your thoughts of tragedy?

It’s not denial, or trying to pretend something did not happen that actually did happen….

….it’s simply noticing you are engaged in life of life’s terms, not YOUR MIND’S terms, and life comes and goes, dies and is born, morphs and changes, moves and becomes still.

And there is always something back behind all of it that is very quiet, silent, precious and beautiful.

Who would you be without your story?

“Nothing terrible has ever happened except in our thinking. Reality is always good, even in situations that seem like nightmares. The story we tell is the only nightmare that we have lived. When I say that the worst that can happen is a belief, I am being literal. The worst that can happen to you is your uninvestigated belief system.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is pg. 228

Incredible?

Try it out.

Can you find any place in the middle of your tragic situation that is peaceful? Has there been goodness that’s come from what you’ve experienced?

From my own diagnosis of cancer in 2006, I felt something very profound about the temporary-ness of this life, and a movement to live fully.

From my own father dying young from leukemia, I found the capacity (after floundering awhile) for direct, fatherly guidance from within myself.

From learning of others dying at young ages, I’ve become aware of how precious each day, how temporary, and how astonishing I’m living long enough to have wrinkles and scars.

From knowing how brief we are here I’ve become less attached to acquiring stuff, earning money, saving money, accumulating experiences….and instead trust in sharing, inviting, connecting with no idea where this will go.

From all the suffering I experienced with my addictions I actually feel gratitude they’ve taught me what wasn’t permanent or important, calmed down my ginormous grabby ego, and shown me how to love unconditionally (especially myself).

Yesterday I went clothes shopping with my daughter.

As I was changing in the dressing room, I saw what apparently is my back, shoulder blade and spine in the mirror, and my hair falling long down the middle, and my legs in my yoga pants (I dress Miss Casual constantly) and I thought immediately “she is so cute, just look at this precious little middle aged woman on planet earth who will only be here a short time overall.”

That is who I am even with this body I seem to inhabit that appears as this, without thoughts that things should be different than they are.

“A quiet mind is all you need. All else will happen rightly, once your mind is quiet. As the sun on rising makes the world active, so does self-awareness affect changes in the mind. In the light of calm and steady self-awareness, inner energies wake up and work miracles without any effort on your part” ~ Nisargadatta

Love, Grace

P.S. Still room for one person in Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven, where we meet together and do The Work for 8 weeks. Write me if you want to join us in an adventure in inquiry grace@workwithgrace.com.

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Could Your Deepest Despair Do This?

perseveranceI have heard of several people experiencing someone they love dying.
Everyone has this experience in life.
And yet, its so strange when it happens.
“This is what it feels like….oh.”
For everyone who has experienced a trauma, a difficulty, a loss….
….it isn’t exactly easy.
Sometimes, it feels devastating. Completely life-changing.
You may never be the same again.
And even in the midst of this apparently suffering, can you feel who you would be without your story of personal loss, unique to you?
Who would you be without thought?
You might sob, your whole body shaking. What I noticed when I experienced this kind of grief was something moving through and happening, and that I was living through it (not myself dying) and an awe-inspiring capacity for humans to discover peace beyond all understanding.
“What if you are not nearly as limited as you were led to believe? What if you are vast enough to hold and contain all of life’s energies, the ‘positive’ and the ‘negative’? What if you are beyond both, an ocean of consciousness, unified, boundless and free, in which even the deepest despair has a resting place?” ~ Jeff Foster
You are.
This is the turnaround. You’re here, reading this, despite such loss and hardship.

Love, Grace

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You Know That Person Who Bugs You? Free Yourself Now…Here’s How

Join Grace to question stressful relationships
Join Grace to question stressful relationships

My daughter (who is 17) just informed me 9 years ago the very first tweet was sent.

Now, you may be saying….

….Who cares!?!

But I find technology and the internet sort of fascinating, although a little confusing.

The thing that got me a moment later after hearing this news was thinking about whomever started “twitter” and sent out that tweet.

They decided to send a very short communication out into the world, like birds.

Hello! Tweet!

The reason I’m sharing this today is….I’ve had a huge mind change on the concept of sharing, when I started Grace Notes 3 years ago.

I write them for everyone, including me.

Totally exposed, honest, kind of embarrassing.

But people can relate.

We’re all inquiring together. I can feel how incredible it is. This is not personal.

What’s this sharing like?

Its just expressing who you are and what you feel and what you desire and where you get stuck.

If you feel like protecting yourself, withholding, hiding, running away, going into a hidey hole….

….nothing terrible about having that feeling….

….but you might just consider turning around and doing the opposite instead.

I’m not suggesting tweeting, by the way. Just sharing in the best way you can the honest, unabashed truth of yourself.

This means your fears, your sadness, your love, your desires.

On Tuesday a small group of brave people will get together on the phone (some will use skype from other countries) to identify their most difficult, disturbing, fearful, mean, bratty thoughts about a very important person in their lives.

Strange, right?

But we get right down into it, with our judgments and immature ideas so we can then bring them through the self-inquiry process known as The Work to see what’s really accurate for us, and what it might feel like to turnaround these thoughts.

We’ll get to use our imagination…..for good, not evil (you can laugh like a mad scientist and wring your hands together for fun here).

It’s actually true.

You wind up taking these pestering, painful thoughts and answering four simple but profound questions about them, seeing the way they’re running your life and your behavior.

Just in the looking….you can see more clearly.

There’s one spot left in the Relationship Hell To Heaven class beginning at 5:15 pm Pacific Time on Tuesday….but you don’t have to wait until then.

Even if you can’t join the class, start today with a little inquiry session with yourself.

Download the attached Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and let it rip. Don’t hold back. Holding back has gotten you nowhere, right? So let it fly, on paper.

Then take only the very first one, and put it at the top of a One Belief At A Time worksheet. And start writing out your answers to the questions.

You may find some relief, or a whole new way of looking at your own thoughts, by the time you’re through. If you need more help, visit www.thework.com.

When you see things differently with those other troubling people, you act differently, you say different things, you make different faces, you stand and sit differently, you feel differently.

This is all the difference in the world. Really.

“Your mind has very little control over this world. It is neither omniscient nor omnipotent. It cannot control the weather and other natural forces. Nor can it control all people, places, and things around you. You have give your mind an impossible task by asking it to manipulate the world in order to fix your personal inner problems. If you want to achieve a healthy state of being, stop asking your mind to do this. Just relive your mind of the job of making sure that everyone and everything will be the way you need them to be so that you can feel better inside.” ~ Michael Singer

The Work is one of the most simple ways to stop mentally telling others how to change to make you happy. Even when you don’t say it out loud.

Come back to yourself by sharing the truth of what you’re thinking. Do The Work on those important relationships. Find out what you really need to make yourself happy, without expecting those other people to change.

You’ll feel free.

What could be better than that?

If you want to join Relationship Hell to Heaven, click HERE.

I can’t wait to work with everyone. You are awesome.

Love, Grace