Month: January 2015

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Does Your Happiness Depend On Getting A New Job?

The other day, a lovely inquirer sent me an email to ask if I would write a Grace Note about job loss.

As in….

….HEEEELLLLLLPPPPP! I LOST MY JOB!!!!! OMG!!

If you’ve ever had the experience of unexpectedly losing work, the one or only way you relied on income, then you might panic.

Or….could it be your thinking is making you panic?

(Say yes).

Right now, in the Money teleclass, we’re looking at Everything Money. And it’s so closely connected to Everything Work, because you do your work, it seems, to obtain the paycheck.

Otherwise, you probably wouldn’t go to that job, right?

When you like your job, or you feel happy with the security it provides, you may feel very threatened when it drops out from under you in a way you didn’t plan.

First step….breathe very deeply.

And then, do The Work.

Here’s how you might approach your predicament, if you notice you’re waking up at night, anxiously checking job postings, or freaking out….

It’s a little counter-intuitive, as in opposite of what you might naturally do.

After you’ve breathed a few big deep breaths, and relaxed yourself as best you can….

….consider your Worst Case Scenario.

I know this is odd.

But what’s deeply helpful is to actually explore, rather than going insane on the inside and trying to avoid feeling too much, your greatest fear in this situation.

What are you picturing?

Are you thinking you’ll have to move? That you’ll lose all your worldly possessions? That you’ll be considered a failure? That you’ll starve to death? That you’ll be living under a bridge?

Be realistic now.

When I lost all my money, I had visions of absolute failure. When I really thought it through and took a look a my prospects, I knew my mom would take me in (she had already offered). I knew it would take a whole lot of crazy circumstances for me to ever become homeless. Too many friends, too many family members.

It made me sick to think I was about to lose my house to foreclosure (I didn’t actually wind up losing it, but I cut it close) and I felt like sucha loser.

The shame was immense. I wouldn’t have wanted any of those family members or friends to know….that was the real problem.

My embarrassment. My self-criticism and anger with me. My fury at feeling so alone and unsupported.

So who would I be without these self-defeating beliefs? Without these visions of me the victim? Me who wasted my education, who should have gone to medical school and planned a better career?

Who would I be without the belief that I was unsupported, and foolish? Who would I be without the belief that I needed money in order to be happy?

Noticing how much I still had.

Feeling the joy and excitement of change, new possibilities, inventing a new life, open.

Turning the thoughts around: you are supported, you are being invited to something new, you are smart, connected, a winner, you don’t need more money in order to be happy.

You will be fine if you lose your house, your possessions, your car.

More than fine, it could be an incredible, magical adventure.

That’s what happened to me.

I now have a house the most perfect size for cleaning, living in, sharing with my kids and husband, having people over….and it’s an 8th the size of my old house. I’ll have it paid off completely in less than a decade.

I love every piece of work I do (well, maybe some of the admin stuff irritates me from time to time, but its rare).

I own a car without any car payments.

The sky’s the limit with my income possibilities, it just keeps going up.

Every day I get to question my thinking, and study silence (my favorite).

See the benefits of whatever it is you’ve lost. They will be there, if you look.

See how it could be a good thing that you’ve landed where you are.

 

You may as well give some weight to the advantage of reality, rather than objecting to it.

In fact, the more you resist, the more you lose. Bummer, but it’s true.

“When you’ve become a total success in business and have more money than you could ever spend, what are you going to have? Happiness? Isn’t that why you wanted money? Let’s take a shortcut that can last a lifetime. Answer this question: Who would you be without the story ‘My future depends on making a lot of money’?Happier. More relaxed. With or without the money. You’d have everything you wanted money for in the first place.” ~ Byron Katie in Question Your Thinking, Change The World 

Who would you be, right now, without the belief you need a job, or money, to be happy?

Having a blast finding a new job?

Love, Grace

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Are You Afraid It’s Not Going To Work Out Perfectly?

Who would you be without the belief it has to be perfect?
Who would you be without the belief it has to be perfect?

I’m preparing for the Eating Peace 3 day retreat coming up next week, exactly a week from today. It’s jamming full, with a waiting list. Wow.

When you are really excited about something coming in the future, how do you react?

Do you over-prepare? Do you make lists? Do you organize and re-organize? Do you worry?

From time to time, someone comes to me for facilitation on their stressful beliefs about an upcoming event.

A wedding, a party, a retreat, a show, an interview, a presentation, an exam.

I’ve written before about the beliefs that whatever it is has to be good.

Must. Be. Good.

But let’s say….you know it’s gonna be awesome. You know your stuff, you feel in the flow, you’ve got experience, you’re excited.

Yet, still.

There are some other stressful worries.

I noticed one last night, as I watched the clock tick past 8, past 9, past 10 pm and had no end in sight to my final curriculum preparation and writing.

My biggest problem?

What to eliminate that I’ve learned, and teach, about freeing yourself from obsession with food.

Gosh….there’s so MUCH!

How can I cram it all in???!!!!!

Oh, wait.

That’s what I used to say about FOOD, right?  

How can I cram it all in? 

I suddenly realized, a familiar old thought is entering my consciousness: I want to include it all, I don’t want to eliminate a thing.

Leaving something out would mean deprivation. Missing something. Not having it all.

Oh brother….time to do The Work.

Is it true that eliminating something is bad?

Is it true when making a choice that whatever is decided against might be longed for later?

People sometimes feel this way about lovers, houses they’re buying, cars, pets, flavors, majors, school, movies.

I want ALL of them, I don’t want to “have to” pick!

But who would you be without that belief?

Who would I be without the thought that deleting and eliminating some exercises, and picking only some, will mean not everything gets covered?

Who would I be without the belief that it all needs to happen ASAP, too, so that I can rest and relax AFTER I’m done?

What if it could simply go the way it goes, and I’m participating in a co-created effort….me and the universe together, inventing.

Which means, being very very kind to myself, taking a bath, going to bed, doing something light, sitting quietly doing nothing.

Because, in the end, that’s what brought me freedom from obsession and compulsive thinking and behavior around food—love and kindness for myself, in the present moment.

Simple.

If you have dreadful worries about something coming in the future…

…stop for a moment.

Ask yourself, what if I loved myself wildly right now? What if I was my absolute most brilliant, sweet, fun and clever best friend, right now in this moment?

What would I do?

You know what I just did?

I set down my laptop, stood up from where I sat on my couch, and did a little jig in the middle of my living room floor, then stretched my arms way up high, took a long, deep breath, and felt what this whole room feels like….

….looking around at the beautiful colors, smelling the air, hearing the hum of the fridge, listening to the beautiful silence.

That’s what’s happening now.

What’s happening for you right now?

“In actuality, things have already worked out, beyond the story. For in this moment, in reality, there is already no goal, no image of perfection, no comparison, no ‘should’ or ‘should not’, and the thoughts, sensations, feelings, sounds and smells appearing right now are entirely appropriate, wonderfully fitting and beautifully timely for this moment in the movie of your life….Face it. Your life is never going to work out. Hallelujah.” ~ Jeff Foster

Isn’t it so exciting to simply feel in this moment?

Maybe all is very, very well without the worry or planning.

Drop the “maybe”.

Love,

Grace

P.S. Another week of podcasts is rolling out–Monday, Wednesday and Friday this week–my little 5 minute Peace Talks. Head over to itunes to listen by clicking this link HERE and be sure to submit a rating for me! I so appreciate all of you who gave such great ratings!!

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Using Housecleaning For Spiritual Awakening

Feeling a little hostile about house cleaning?
Feeling a little hostile about house cleaning?

Housecleaning Wars.

You know what I’m talkin’ about, right?

He didn’t clean up after himself, they left mugs in the sink, you call that tidying a room (?), they left all the food out, he should have hung up those clothes, she shouldn’t have broken the glass, they should have swept the floor and bought a new box of garbage bags….

….yada yada yada it goes on and on.

You scan the room, you don’t like it.

It should look different than it looks.

Parents often dictate to their kids and have steam coming right out of both ears when the kids don’t do it right, or quickly enough, or at all.

But the other day, I had a very interesting experience.

The Other Side.

As in, I was the one who was seen through critical eyes–the loser who didn’t clean up right.

(Hanging head in shame).

The kitchen was bustling, people were finishing their lunch meals. A large group of 7-10 close friends were in a big private home kitchen.

There were a lot of house rules.

I mean, a lot.

I’m good at rules. I’m exquisite at rules. When there are rule-lists, I keep them (wouldn’t want to be seen as a loser, or disliked for not keeping the rules, afterall)!

I don’t like making trouble. I lean towards the least conflicted way possible.

When I was a kid, it was much faster to take care of the rules, handle the rules, not complain about the rules, do your chores…

…because the consequences of speaking up, arguing, or refusing to pitch in could mean extreme rage or exasperation from my mother.

That was worse than anything. It made me sick to my stomach with anxiety, with the fear of rejection and dismissal.

If I don’t do it well, I’ll be considered Not Good Enough.

So guess what. Of course.

Kitchen is full, lights are on, food is spread, dishes are clanking. I’ve gone to a space in the living room area, lying down, stretching, noticing I’m not hungry yet and can’t imagine eating right then, seeing how my body feels, what it wants to do….

….when, uh oh.

The dreaded worst thing ever.

Someone in the group came all the way over to where I was, looked at me very directly, and said “could you please come help in the kitchen?”

Anxiety, a question mark over my head.

When I finally asked, slightly embarrassed and afraid of the answer, if she thought I wasn’t doing enough, the answer was…..YES.

Yikes. Confirmed criminal. Ugh.

But right in that confirmation….

….who would I be without the belief that being seen critically, being seen as not good enough (no matter what it is, in this case cleaning) is a horrible thing?

I mean, why?

Does everyone need to think I’m a freakin’ genius? Or a brilliant and caring cleaner?

Ha ha!

The identity of ego is so sneaky, so massive. It would get upset at someone else getting upset with me.

It would have a hissy fit and say things inside like “how dare she!” or “the nerve!” or “she should never see me poorly!”

Who would I be without any of this? How would it feel if someone could express their honest opinion, ask a simple question, and I responded honestly?

Turning the thought around: she should ask me to help, she’s right, she can say whatever she wants, I shouldn’t ask me to help (I did this so many times in my life–said yes to something I really wanted to say no to).

In that very moment, without being motivated to please but instead being honest, I could notice my answer might be “no”.

It was also TRUE that I wasn’t helping.

I was separate from everyone else at that moment. My stomach ached a little. I had no interest in eating lunch. I was having a huge internal experience of shifting at a deep level that I couldn’t explain, and I felt slightly frightened and slightly ecstatic.

I wanted at that moment to be out of the room altogether.

It was absolutely true I wasn’t helping in the kitchen!

I had been intently talking to a visitor who was only there for a short while, who had been asking me lots of questions. I was distracted, and off.

Without the belief, entering the turnarounds, I stop the game of believing a crime has been committed, or someone has accused me and it’s terrible, or something’s wrong.

Something’s exactly right.

“So if you want to find out how openness relates to each moment, just go inside. Be that openness. Be that emptiness. All you can do is ask yourself, inquire for yourself. How is it relating to this thought in my head? To this person? To this moment? You can see this. Go directly to the source, to the only authority that is finally liberating: your own awakeness, your own emptiness perceiving this moment. It will teach you how to live.” ~ Adyashanti 

If the one who get adversarial, or wants to prove it’s worthy of being admired, gets involved, then BAM…

…Everything becomes very, very small and imploded into this fighting moment, now.

But without all that…

…even housecleaning wars become a moment to use for spiritual awakening instead of spiritual sleeping.

So lucky, so lucky.

Love, Grace

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Eating Peace: What Goes In Your Journal Part 1

Have you wondered what you’re supposed to write in your journal about food and eating?
Three key things come to mind that may help a lot:
  • your sense of hunger and fullness in situations with food
  • how you are feeling emotionally
  • what you really, really want (instead of, or besides, food)
These are big, wide subjects.
But getting your feelings and thoughts out from the inside of you to something you can re-read and investigate is sooooo powerful.
Don’t worry about making it perfect, or re-reading it right away.
First, simply express yourself.
See what’s going on.
Slow everything down to slow, slow motion—because then you’ll see what’s really there, without it fogging out or disappearing before you realize what drove you to eat the uncomfortable way in the first place.
Watch here to hear how I worked with my Binge Journal. Let me know how it goes for you by leaving a comment below the video–I’ll respond if you have questions!
Eating Peace - What goes in the Journal Part 1
Eating Peace – What goes in the Journal Part 1
Much love,
Grace

P.S. Eating Peace Workshop is sold out. If you’d like to be on the waiting list for the upcoming retreat here in north Seattle, write grace@workwithgrace.com. Click HERE to read more about the retreat.

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Not Enough Time? An Unexpected Place To Find Some

The pull of everyday life can seem *crazy* busy, right?

Common cries of most people are thoughts like these:

  • we’ve got only 15 minutes to get lunch made, kids loaded, breakfast eaten, and get to school on time—-HURRY!
  • I have 102 emails in my Inbox and they need replies
  • my job takes such a huge chunk out of my day, how will I ever have time for meditation, journaling, healing my thoughts, doing The Work, becoming enlightened
  • there are so many requests or demands for my time
  • it would be selfish to focus on myself, or too expensive to focus on myself (I would need to spend money)
  • there’s always something! I “have to” go to the store, do laundry, write, get my project finished, fix something that broke, put out a fire
The underlying view: I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME!!!!!
Such a good one for inquiry.
First…..are you sure it’s true?
OMG Yes!
If I never slept, all would be well. If there were 28 hours in a day, if I could set the clock back ten years, if, if, if…..
You know what that thought feels like when you think it.
You run lists.
Your heart beats fast, you get all squeezed and wound up tight tight tight.
You imagine what will happen if you do NOT take care of the list.
Your imagination runs wild with being late, getting fired, people being unhappy with you, losing money, having a bad future–whether its tomorrow, or your upcoming vacation.
Or, worst of all, you might never ever accomplish your greatest dreams.
They all take TIME.
And you don’t have it.
Disappointment, sadness, rage, irritation, fury, fear, anxiety.
Last night, I was in an airport after a beautiful 4 day retreat with a small group and teacher I work with these days, in a very deeply meaningful study of stillness and silence.
Early in the morning and late in the evening, outside of our small group time together every day, I wrote my Grace Notes and checked emails.
It felt easy and sweet, not a problem.
Hitting the airport, visions of my upcoming Eating Peace retreat came to mind and little to-do’s needing to happen in these final ten days before it occurs.
I need to stick this into the curriculum, get the little papers with questions on them written for that exercise, order notebooks, get a good map for our location, etc.
Although I’m mostly joyful, thrilled (its sold out) and excited to meet everyone coming to the retreat…I had to take a deep breath and remember, this is the real retreat for me, right now.
Right here, in the airport. On the road. In daily life.
If you don’t exactly get there all that easily (I remember lack-of-time freak-outs very well, and I bet you five bucks they happen again) then you are very, very normal.
Consider right now, as you take the time to read this….
….who would you be without the belief that you need more time, for anything? Without the belief running in your mind that you don’t have enough time to follow your dreams or achieve them?
Without the belief that it takes more time to awaken?
Wow. Seriously?
How could that be possible?
Just check.
Who would you be without that idea entering your mind?
“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time–past and future–the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Without the idea of time being necessary, I wouldn’t focus on five minutes from now. I wouldn’t build a story out of my end-of-life, I wouldn’t move into the drama of things-not-done.

I’d kick back on the airplane and close my eyes and feel the pulse of life beating in my veins and the edges of the universe in every direction.

Ha ha!

Just a small thing, no big deal.

And even while I’m doing tasks for coming events, I can remember to feel presence buzzing, now.

You can too!

Turn the thought around: It doesn’t matter what time it is or how late you are or when you get that thing done. It’s OK if you don’t finish. You don’t “have to”, no one is forcing you to do anything.

Remember how funny it is. Laugh when you start thinking you don’t have enough time.

You DO have just the exact right amount of time.

Or maybe YOU don’t have any time, it’s not in your command, so just give up and give in and show up when you do–everything exactly on time at the perfect moment.

Ahhhhhhhhh.

Love, Grace

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Question Suffering, Become Service

helpingpeople
When you question your fear of other people suffering…and find the truth…you may be of brilliant service

When other people are suffering, how do you feel?

Noticing your own response can offer huge revelation to how you react to others….

….and where it might go wrong. 

Wrong….meaning: they hurt, you hurt, and now, no one is at peace.

Let’s do The Work here.

So, someone you love is hurting.

They’re crying, or talking wildly fast with fear and anxiety, or sitting in despair after telling you “I just found out I have cancer.”

Maybe they’re opening up and telling about their road through hellish addiction, or confessing their truth about wrong-doing, or the torture they feel about their kids, spouses or financial situation.

Or one of the worst fears: a person you care about is so unhappy, they threaten suicide.

Whew.

A lot of us are trained or conditioned to worry immediately when someone else is troubled.

How DO you react when you believe its a bad, bad thing that someone is suffering?

Do you go ballistic trying to save them?

You call professionals, you check in with them daily, your energy moves out into wondering how they are constantly, or where they are, if they’re alive, are they OK.

Do you feel terror, sadness, panic or awful grief yourself?

Hand-wringing, hand-wringing.

Many years ago, I got a job working on an academic research project where I needed to go interview patients in their homes who were on hospice care (meaning, they were terminally ill) and ask them questions about their pain, their depression and their quality of life.

The first person I visited happened to be a woman only a few years older than I was, who was dying of breast cancer.

I was a perfect stranger with a laptop, coming over and asking her many personal questions about how she felt, how frightened she was, if she felt cared for from day to day.

She openly answered all of them.

When I left and went to my car, I sat a moment in the parking lot and wept.

Over the weeks, months, and years ahead, I got far more comfortable spending time with people on hospice. I learned of all kinds of diseases from hundreds of cancers to congenital heart failure to Lou Gehrig’s (ALS) disease and made friends with people who had them all, visiting them every week.

All those friends died.

Who would you really, really be without the belief that this other person’s suffering is scary, or difficult, or you need to quick do something to help them? Who would you be without the thought that their dying, or hurting (even emotionally) means anything about you?

I know it’s very weird to imagine this belief.

But it can be incredibly liberating to sit with someone in pain and not feel pain yourself.

Because let’s face it….you don’t.

“Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That’s not a possibility. It’s only when I believe a stressful thought that I get hurt. And I’m the one who’s hurting me by believing what I think.” ~ Byron Katie

This includes in situations where someone else is in a state of great distress, emotionally or physically.
Without the belief that it means something personally about you, and it’s frightening….

….you might be more compassionate, more connecting, more close to those people.

You might have a very, very wide open mind that knows nothing about this person’s predicament, and you show up in service without avoiding, without giving advice, without trying to change them.

Including, not trying to keep them alive or fix all their troubles.

(I tried to do this as a parent. It doesn’t work.)

I don’t know about you, but when people have just sat with me and listened quietly, without being frightened, without panicking, without giving me any advice….

….it’s felt like heaven.

Turning the thoughts around: if someone is suffering, it is not scary, it isn’t bad, bad, bad, it’s not so dreadful, its the way of it right at that moment.

How could this be as true, or truer?

This isn’t to deny the reality of physical pain, sickness, decay or traumatic life experiences….

….just noticing how dang normal these are.

They happen everyday!

Where did we get the idea they shouldn’t? Who thought that up?

Turning the thoughts around again: if I am suffering, its not scary, it isn’t so bad, bad, bad, it’s not so dreadful, its the way of it at this moment.

Sorrow or grief wells up, I feel fear, but if I stay with it, I notice it changes, it morphs.

It crashes like a wave on the sand and recedes.

It falls back into silence….just like everything else, without thought.

“When you approach the edges you feel insecurity, jealousy, fear, or self-consciousness. You pull back, and if you are like most people, you stop trying. Spirituality begins when you decide that you’ll never stop trying. Spirituality is the commitment to go beyond, no matter what it takes.” ~ Michael Singer

Stay with those you love who are suffering.

Question you can’t handle it, or they can’t.

Notice how you both can.

“The further one goes, the less one knows.” ~ Tao Te Ching 

Love, Grace

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Three things to consider if The Work isn’t working

What if The Work isn't working?
What if The Work isn’t working?

Several people have written to ask me lately….

….what do I do if The Work isn’t really working?

They’ve explained that they’ve done The Work over and over again on the same person, or they feel continually depressed, or they’ve got a terrible addiction like eating or drinking or smoking, or they hate their situation-job, spouse, marriage, home, kids, finances, spiritual.

They’ve done The Work, many times even, and have No Results.

“What do I do now?” they ask.

If you’re someone who’s had this despairing question…

…I don’t know what exactly is happening, but I can tell you what’s been true in my experience when I’ve had this question myself.

It’s one of THREE possibilities, every time, when I have the same belief or troubling experience repeat itself again in my life.

1) Even though I say or “think” I’ve been doing The Work, I haven’t been….not really.

It’s been more like I’ve been finding turnarounds in my head while driving my car, or I’ve been wondering for a few minutes who I would be without my stressful belief and coming up with a blank, or I’ve started worksheets and never finished them.

I really haven’t started from zero, filled a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet out very, very slowly and with care and contemplation to get the best thoughts down on paper, and then gone through each thought one by one.

It’s sooooooo hard!

Isn’t there a shortcut or something?

Um. Not really.

The Work IS the shortest shortcut.

2) I’ve had a really sneaky, deep, and desperate underlying motive.

Like I’m clawing for solid ground, I just want a fear-free answer, a place of peace NOW!!

This means, when you start doing The Work you might have a “plan” on where you’ll end up (blissful) or what will happen (magic, joy, happiness) after you question your thinking.

You are refusing to tolerate the depth of despair, depression or loss.

You’re against suffering….

….so you can’t allow yourself to see something True for you, because you believe it hurts (you forgot you could do The Work on THAT pain as well).

You try to use The Work to bypass the pain, and get to the good part ASAP.

It’s so normal to try to feel better, but if you’re trying to whistle in the dark, there will be a fake feeling….

….even just a teensy bit of a fake feeling….

….and you won’t fall to your knees, with the Truth rising above all else.

(As I said, that’s the way its been for me-if it works for you to try to be positive like saying affirmations or eliminating your “negative” thoughts, then go for it!)

3) Lastly, something or someone is repeatedly bugging me or triggering sorrow because I haven’t gotten to the very root core of my inquiry (yet).

I thought I was “done” with that.

But no.

Sorry, Charlie.

You just lost, again. You were just betrayed, again. You were just criticized, again. You were ambushed, again. You were conned, again. You shouldn’t have trusted, again. You should have trusted, again. You shouldn’t have loved, again. You missed out, again. You got scared, again.

Sigh.

Be very, very gentle with yourself.

How do you know you’re supposed to be right in the middle of what you’re feeling, thinking, hearing, seeing, doing, or experiencing?

You are.

A brief story:

After two years of doing The Work myself, very intently after it was introduced into my life, this very question rose up for me one day in a really deep look at someone I was so pissed off at, I could hardly see straight.

“This guy was such a jerk!” I thought.

Arrrrrrgggghhhhh!

I HATED him. I hated myself for trying to be friends with him, and going back for more interactions.

I hated myself for hating him.

Surely, I wasn’t seeing something?

My mind must be twisted and ridiculous. There must be something wrong with me. I needed to do The Work MORE on this guy, I was so disturbed in his presence. 

I raised my hand at an event with Byron Katie and asked “I’m doing The Work many times on this one person I find so disturbing, and I’m still furious!”

Katie replied, “How do you know you’re supposed to be angry? You are!”

Oh.

Wow.

I’ve been working this whole time with an underlying motive that I should be “loving what is” about everyone at all times, including this obnoxious screwed up mentally ill person.

Almost immediately, my objection to this person and his words and behaviors, completely shifted.

That was THE WAY HE WAS. The way of it.

I was not in control of this situation. I was not the ruler of the universe, including all the self-criticism I had of ME for feeling HATE.

This would not change, just like the weather.

I could rage and scream at myself (and him) and the storm clouds, and have a hissy fit every time it rained…

…or I could calm down, and take good care of myself, and pursue what I really wanted.

I was free.

I was suddenly no longer angry.

I was simply clear that I really didn’t want to interact with him in the way I had, and I was instantly so very grateful for everything he had ever said and done.

I understood.

That was the last time I ever did The Work on that person, and every time I think of him, I really do now smile-I had some of the most amazing learning experiences of my life in the presence of that person.

“In The Way, nothing is personal. You are merely an instrument in the hands of the forces, participating in the harmony of balance. You must reach the point where your whole interest lies in the balance and not in any personal preference for how things should be. It’s that way with all of life. The more you can work with the balance, the more you can just sail through life. Effortless action is what happens when you come into the Tao. Life happens, you’re there, but you don’t make it happen. There is no burden, there is no stress. The forces take care of themselves as you sit in the center. That is the Tao. It’s the most beautiful place in all of life. You can’t touch it, but you can be at one with it.” ~ Michael Singer

Love, Grace

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Is Loving-What-Is Passive?

If I do The Work, and become completely and totally fine with everything, no longer at war with reality….

….what would keep me from lying down on the couch, doing nothing, never planning, not trying, not getting organized, getting little done, never succeeding greatly, or caring about any upcoming activities?

If I love what is, then why bother making a to-do list, or having a goal, or creating plans for a desired outcome?

This is a very interesting question many people have about “loving what is” and what they imagine it might look like.

Could “loving what is” result in Nothing Happening? (Horrors!)

Wouldn’t that be….like….boring, or depressing, or apathetic?

Wouldn’t someone be a new-agey space case if they zoned into loving what is, all the time?

Good question.

And, no.

Notice how the mind will come at “loving what is” from every angle, just to make you doubt the process of inquiry?

I love doing The Work on this very concept….

….that doing The Work would lead to some kind of zombie brainwash, where you never cared or got upset, or made plans.

Who would you be without the belief that allowing everything to be as it is, or even loving what is, will be dangerously lacking in pro-activity or direction, or too passive or nicey-nice?

Who would you be if you really relaxed?

Woah.

I notice the less anxious, the less movement towards thinking about the future, the less focus on whatever terrible thing might happen later, or what terrible thing already happened…

…the more I’m in the sweet spot.

The middle.

Not full steam ahead, not lying on the ground.

Kind of an action, without great effort, without trying to hold back falsely.

“When you move in the Tao, you are always present. Life becomes absolutely simple. In the Tao, it’s easy to see what’s happening in life–it’s unfolding right in front of you. But if you have all kinds of reactions going on inside because you’re involved in the extremes, life seems confusing. That’s because you’re confused, not because life’s confusing….Eventually you will see that in the way of the Tao you’re not going to wake up, see what to do, and then go do it. In the Tao, you are blind, and you have to learn how to be blind.” ~ Michael Singer 

All I know is, the more I do The Work, the more I question what my mind thinks is true and has stories about…

…the less frantic, worried or stressful energy, the fewer detailed plans.

But as Byron Katie says, I still pack my bags if I’m going on a trip, and leave at the appropriate time to get to the airport.

It’s just way more fun doing it.

And if the plane is late, that’s fun too.

Love, Grace

Posted on

Not Minding The Pain

Feeling Pain? Take Care of Yourself, But Also Do The Work

Have you ever had pain that appeared slowly, over time, where you weren’t sure what you did, how it happened….

….but you find yourself hurting, overwhelmed, and practically all attention directly on the pain.

I’m talking physical pain, but, this can happen with emotional pain as well.

All you can think is “get me outta here!” or “where’s the pain killer!” or “OK, OK, you have my attention!”

Many will think of these moments as decisive. Something cracked, they couldn’t take it anymore.

Perhaps a dreadful sense of destruction–it’s over, done, finished.

Recently, something changed with my easily-healing hamstring injury from last year.

Oh sure, there were moments in the past six months when I felt I might have overdone it on the dance floor, or pushed a little too hard at the gym….

….but this was different.

A squeezing, deep, strange nerve-like clutching pain starting in the hamstring I hurt and beaming up into my ribcage.

Several days went by. It got worse and worse.

I finally took motrin, and called the doctor.

And went to a chiropractor, and followed the next simple instructions for what was advised since being pain-free was desirable.

We’re very interested in being free from pain, especially when it really hurts.

We get motivated to move towards whatever “pain-free” looks like.

But what if, no matter what you “do” there is no “pain-free”?

Whew. Dang.

Then what?

This is broken. It can’t be healed. I hurt. Ouch. 

Who would you be without the belief you absolutely MUST find, do, fix something, even in the middle of excruciating pain?

Who would I be?

Strangely….someone hurting physically….but somehow, without the discouragement, or sadness, or dramatic images of doom.

Movement happens.

I move towards researching what helps, who can help, making decisions, collecting more information.

Simply doing everything with an open, don’t-know mind.

And how very odd…..

….Here’s what I am amazed to see: it hurts but I am not upset about it. 

No fear, no urgency, no sadness….unless there is.

No trying to ignore it.

“I pour hot tea from a kettle into a cup, and I don’t see the cup is cracked, and the hot tea spills out onto my left hand. Ow! What an adventure! Even as my hand starts to throb, I’m aware that waht I’m watching is absolute perfection. How can I believe that my hand is not supposed to be scalded when it is? Why would I move from reality into a fantasy of what my hand should be? When inquiry is alive inside you, thoughts don’t pull you away from loving whatever happens, as it happens. Pain is always on its way out; it’s the story of a past. All the pain we have ever suffered, all the pain that any human being on this planet has ever suffered, is gone in this present moment. We live in a state of grace.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace

Posted on

Feeling Poor? Why? Question Your Story

Link to my new Peace Talk podcast right HERE.

I’d love your review in Itunes (check 3 minute video on my website to see how to submit a review if you’ve never done it before, by clickingHERE).

*******

Meanwhile….long long ago (yesterday afternoon)….

….I forgot all about podcasts, emails, anything-computer.

There was a knock on the door.

I was sitting in my yoga pants and slippers. Dishes were on the counter. Laundry was half way finished so the laundry basket was in the middle of the kitchen floor full of dirty clothes. The carpet had pine needles all over it. The kitchen table had piles of sheet music, school forms, unopened mail and overdue library books. My headphones from skype sessions were lying piled on top of a dish cloth. Through an open door, the bed was unmade and a package of recently opened toilet paper rolls was leaning on a chair.

Oh.

The two guys are here to do an energy audit of our little cottage, analyzing the “holes” in the house and why there may be so much heat being used for such a tiny little place.

They would need to go into every room.

Stomach sinking.

EMERGENCY! I NEED TO CLEAN UP! 

This is embarrassing!

Smile anyway. Welcome official-looking men! No problem, come right in!

(Can I stand in front of the laundry basket and they might not see it? Maybe they won’t notice that I look like I’m wearing what I slept in last night. Since I am.)

They are thinking I don’t care about my house. They are wondering why would someone like ME of all people request an energy analysis of my home?

I obviously have no pride.

One of the men notes there is a standing electric radiator heater in the garage.

“Its perfectly fine you have this kind of heater, all the low income housing uses these kinds of heaters because they are safer.”

SEE!!!!

He thinks I’m low income housing. I’ve chosen this tiny house to live in. It’s messy and trashy.

He shouldn’t think I’m poor!!!!!

I could feel the heat rising in my torso. I wanted a do-over. Not be surprised by their knock on the door. Firm, prepared, powerful, in control.

So they wouldn’t assume I’m in poverty.

Ha ha!

Who would I be without the thought that they shouldn’t think I’m poor? Who would I be without the belief that I AM poor?

Without the thought that being in this cute little cottage means I don’t have much money, and not having much money means being “poor” and being poor means I must not be trying or caring, and not trying or caring is something to be ashamed of?

Who would I be without this crazy story swarming in all in a split second?

Laughing at the insanity of the mind.

Who would I be without fearing judgment, in that moment?

I’d be having a blast talking with these two interesting characters who have arrived with lots of equipment, questions, pencils and graph paper to have a look at a structure called “my house” (which really isn’t).

How fun that they’re here! How curious, fascinating, even helpful!

Sigh.

I turn the story around: these men with calculators and ladders arriving, and their comments, do NOT mean I am poor. Being messy does not mean I am poor. Wearing pj’s doesn’t mean I’m poor. I am not poor. I don’t even know what “poor” is exactly, or what’s wrong with it.

I am abundant, wealthy, proud, generous, unafraid, willing, welcoming, as I am.

“The power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present…..Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

I am nothing, not poor, not rich, not anything static or defined.

Ha ha!

Now that’s a bit lighter.

Who would you be without the belief that your home, your bank account, the number in it, your job or unemployment, means “you’re x”?

Exciting.

Love, Grace