One of the best ways to see what you’re believing that bothers you most deeply…
…to not allow it to flicker by unnoticed…
…is to write your thoughts down.
Did you get a journal dedicated to investigating your thoughts, feelings and experiences around food?
Mine was red bound leather, thin, with beautiful quality paper in college ruled lines.
In this Binge Journal, I began to write about my feelings about food.
The first place I started was AFTER the binge, or overeating episode.
Because I couldn’t remember nor did I want to stop and write BEFORE I ate, when I was overwhelmed with cravings and confusion, or anger, or sadness.
But as soon as I gave myself the gift of writing after compulsive overeating, I had a much greater awareness of what had been going on a few hours earlier, when I was triggered to eat.
The writing showed me patterns and insight.
And one day, a huge lightbulb went off when I discovered that quite a few binge-eating episodes were preceded by an interaction where I felt criticized and angry.
All it took was awareness of this.
I didn’t even need to “do” anything with the anger or fear.
Noticing made all the difference.
I say more about keeping a journal and how it worked for me right here. Let me know how it goes for YOU.
Your inner world matters.
The urge to binge comes out of your relationship to it, and what has happened that bumps up against that inner experience.
“One of the essential requirements for true spiritual growth and deep personal transformation is coming to peace with pain. No expansion or evolution can take place without change, and periods of change are not always comfortable. Change involves challenging what is familiar to us and daring to question our traditional needs for safety, comfort, and control….Becoming familiar with this pain is part of your growth.” ~ Michael Singer
Click HERE to watch my short video on more about keeping a journal:
P.S. Eating Peace Workshop is a way in, to find a way out. There are two spots left for the upcoming 3 day retreat in Seattle. Click HERE to read more or to register.
It’s a little weird. I’m more of a writer than a talker.
(Although some of my sisters might argue that comment).
But still, it’s been strange to have this podcast creation process unfold.
A friend said “you should do that!”
He connected me with a coach and podcaster and said “tell her what to do”.
I followed the directions and almost the whole time was watching from the ceiling thinking….
…..“Really? You’re seriously doing this?”
Looks like I am, I said, as I unwrapped the new orange snowball microphone from the UPS box. Looks like I am, I said again, as I ordered an Itunes cover photo on fiverr. Looks like I am, as I watched youtubes of how to get the f*&$ing mic to actually start recording on my laptop.
“Really?” Said the voice.
You have nothing new to share. You ramble. You’re not that funny. People will smirk.
Looks like I am, anyway.
Perhaps this is one of the living turnarounds that happens when doing The Work.
I just can’t believe the voice saying “Stop, danger-danger Will Robinson, you might get criticized or judged or challenged or exposed! Help! Run for your life!”
(I know, I know, I tell on myself constantly in these Grace Notes, how could I possibly be more exposed?)
Who would YOU be without the belief that you have to be perfect, or even good (heh heh) to launch something?
“I sing because I’m happy.
I sing because I’m free.” ~ Gospel lyrics
You know that thing you’d like to try?
Who would you be without the belief you can’t do it?
Yippeeeeeee!
To listen to the podcast, search Grace Bell on Itunes in podcasts and you’ll find Peace Talk there.
Notice: if you search “Peace Talk” in Itunes or anywhere, it won’t even come up. It takes a few reviews to have it appear in search engines.
Which means…..I would sooooooooo love you to submit a quick review.
You can just say a few short words, you don’t hafta say much, only that you listened and you’re out there.
I am here to serve and help spread the peace movement, self-inquiry, The Work of Byron Katie, and the message that anyone can discover peace within.
You can too! Let’s do it!
Here’s a quick 3 minute video on how to write a review for a podcast on Itunes:
It came in the mail, the old-fashioned way. A card, and a long separate typed sheet, double-sided, with a lot of reflection on his life and his philosophies.
My first thought was how sweet to hear from him.
At first, a little jolt of adrenaline, a curiosity about what has happened in the years since we were dancing our dance.
And, since the relationship ended kinda funny (as in, he disappeared off the face of the earth involved in some kind of dark pursuit) I was reading along waiting for an apology.
Not exactly pure, open reading.
Hope reading. Like where you hope you’ll read what you wanna read.
So here I am about to begin again my teleclass on romance and pain and sexuality, questioning stress in lover relationships, and I’m noticing very clearly this little moment….
….watching myself fall right into wishing and waiting to be asked for forgiveness by a former love interest.
Interesting. Very interesting. I love how these things just arrive, for inquiry, without any planning.
My mind had speedy quick, without hardly a beat, gone to the place where I was a victim.
I was WRONGED.
You may notice you have a relationship or two (or five, or forty-three) where you have the lingering thought that you were wronged.
If you do, and it feels like a festering wound that won’t heal….
….then let’s get that belief faced full-on right now.
You may find relief, if you’ve been hurting.
First. Is it actually true that you be done wrong? Really?
YEAH! That was bunk! (Punching the air).
OK, got it. You’re really pissed.
How do you react when you believe that person messed you up, hurt you, abandoned you, shorted you, conned you, fooled you?
I feel *horrible*.
I’m mean to other possible partners, actually. Or afraid. I choose and move based on avoiding repeat pain. I lick my wounds. I don’t step out.
“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is ‘out there’–as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering–the situation is hopeless.” ~ Byron Katie
So who would I be without my belief that I was wronged?
I’m not saying it wasn’t hard, or brutal, or that it could be repeated, or that you deserved it.
Only who you would be without the belief you were the victim? That you are owed an apology?
Huh. Wow.
Really?
Well, I’d be lighter. I’d be moved on to other things. I’d be remembering and reflecting and allowing that situation to heal, and be as it is.
I’d notice I’m happy now, and how much I learned and grew through that process. Like, a ton.
Without the belief that I’ve been wronged, I’d be free right here, right now.
“Love until your voice trembles, and your heart pounds, and your legs shake, and your philosophies crumble to dust, and your cleverness bows its head in shame and in reverence. And you will be taken to the darkest places, and your heart will be set on fire by the ones to whom you were never able to open your heart, and you will be reminded of what you have always, secretly, known: In time, you will forget everything, except how to die, and how to love.” ~ Jeff Foster
I turn the thought around: I have not been wronged by anyone, I wronged myself (by not speaking up, by being dishonest, by clinging), I wronged others in the same way I thought they wronged me.
I do not need any apology, except for myself, from myself.
The letter had no apology written in it, but I knew what to do now.
I whispered to myself.
I am sooooo sorry honey.
I didn’t listen to you, I was confused, I forgot wholeness without chasing after other people, I didn’t listen to you, I didn’t think you were good enough. You are incredible. You never leave, no matter what I do or say, or forget. Thank you, I love you.
Now that’s the best apology ever.
If you’re up for joining an 8 week teleclass on looking for love in all the wrong places and the adventure of contact with others, then join us for Romance, Passion and Healing….
…..We’re looking at LOVE when it comes to lovers, mates, spouses, ex’s, strangers, or partners of any kind and how to end the suffering we’ve experienced in their name.
Click here to read more, or register for the class.
It has to be good, it must go the way I want, I want it to unfold like this (not that), this needs to be fun, it better be right.
Nervous about romance? Teleclass starting Thursday 1/22 to question your stressful thinking, and change your life when it comes to partners—long term, broken-up, dating, divorced, confused—every difficult situation can be lightened through The Work of Byron Katie
Have you ever had these ideas about something coming up on your calendar?
Oh boy.
When it goes well, it’s awesome! Hand clapping! Yay! I must be doing something right!
And if it doesn’t.
Oh rats.
This is terrible. A sinking feeling. Depressed, disappointed, worried, unhappy. I must be doing something wrong!
Last week I had many people writing to me about the upcoming teleclass on “sexuality”, but few people committing to join.
This is the ONLY teleclass where people are so hesitant, in comparison to the other teleclasses I teach on food, parenting, relationships, illness/death and money.
People are skittish, nervous.
Do we have to say everything out loud, someone asked?
Once during the very first session, someone said they wrote in their notebook today’s date, and The “S” Teleclass.
She couldn’t write “Sexuality”.
I might need to name it something different….like The Work of Byron Katie on attraction, touch, romance and lovers.
In fact, that sounds pretty good!
Why didn’t I think of that before??!!
But even as I consider new names for the class, or new ways to offer or help on this topic, or new ways to show up as a guide on the road to the end of suffering around romance, lust and attraction…
….I can even do The Work on the idea that changing this teleclass neeeeeeeds to happen.
What if the way it is going is just right?
Who would I be without the belief that it needs to go “well”, be full of participants sooner than later, be popular, that people should get how awesome this class is, people shouldn’t feel worried about talking about *s–*?
How would I really feel without the thought that the way its going is wrong, or it could be better another way than this?
Woah.
What an eye-opener.
Suddenly…without the belief that the class should be filling sooner, people should jump at the chance to speak openly about sexual feelings, I remember how it feels to not think anything should be any different than it is.
Quite stunning really.
Not one thing out of place. Can you get a taste of it?
What if the pain, the things you don’t like, your daily routines or people you feel out of sorts with, are really allowed to be as they are?
What if you didn’t resist them, or argue about them, or complain, or fight? What if it could all be here?
Even my resistance itself, what if that was OK, too?
“It isn’t getting what we want that makes us happy. It’s being happy with whatever we experience–or perhaps I should say, being happy regardless what we experience. To some people this will sound like a defeatist attitude, settling for mediocrity rather than striving for more. Yet nothing in the statement says that we can’t strive, or create any number of activities or experiences. Simply that we are happy with whatever we experience, even the striving.” ~ Peter Ralston in The Book of Not Knowing
I turn the beliefs around to try them on: It does NOT have to be “good”, it must go the way it goes, I want it to unfold like this and no other way, this needs to NOT be fun, if it isn’t.
How could I find just a drop of openness to these thoughts, instead of their opposites that I was automatically thinking before?
Well.
I certainly notice it’s more fun to lighten up about the way this thing is going, that’s for dang sure.
The way it’s going shows me what not to pursue, what to drop, if there’s a turn needed along the path.
The way my class is going, for example, shows me there’s something not yet understood about the laughter and lightness possible when doing The Work on romance, or who-is-doing-what- in-the-bedroom…..
…..and I can express what its like more clearly, or make it safer.
Can you find examples of why the way your thing is going is just perfect (even your romantic relationship status) how there might be advantages (even if it doesn’t seem like it) or how you benefit by the way its unfolding?
Share them with me, I’d love to hear.
And meanwhile….
….if you have a broken heart, or struggle, or sadness about something that’s gone down around romance or physical touch, or your expectations about it are getting shattered….
….then you may want to consider joining a small group of journeyers along the path to deeply question your thoughts about sexuality and romance.
This includes people sleeping with you, people sleeping with other people, people making that strange move you didn’t get, you not being happy or thrilled, you feeling bereft or anxious, him acting weird, her acting weird, you feeling worried about what to say.
Anything stressful is the perfect situation for inquiry.
If you can un-do your painful beliefs (notice I said painful beliefs–you can keep the fun, exciting ones) then you may find a whole new world of possibilities when it comes to partnership and love, right in front of you.
We’re starting this coming Thursday at 10 am Pacific Time for 90 minutes. We meet 8 weeks. This class MAY be for Women Only, if enough interested women really want that boundary. I do have interested men, so speak up today (write grace@workwithgrace.com) to ask questions or find out more.
I give you time, respect and attention as a facilitator of The Work.
If you missed my interview with certified facilitator of The Work, Celeste Gabrielle, head to my youtube channel and watch HERE.(There are more and more interviews around self-inquiry added over time, and I might get better at making videos too, who knows.)
For me it is profoundly inspiring to find out the personal stories of people, just like you and me, who found self-inquiry in the form of The Work of Byron Katie and/or other inquiry, and how it changed their lives and brought awakening to their world.
Regular peeps.
This “work” of self-inquiry….it’s called “work” because it kinda is, right?
You direct your attention, you focus, you return to the questions, you go out and in like breath, you get a light-bulb that goes off, you’re inspired, you wonder, your mind works and buzzes, you behave differently, you speak or don’t speak in new ways, you feel different….
….it’s so exciting.
The gears start, and keep going.
No longer stuck. No longer repeating the exact same thoughts over and over and over again.
You actually move on to the next stressful thought ready for inquiry, maybe you rotate back to a similar situation but find yourself acting different this time—just a wee bit.
That tiny difference makes a huge difference….
….like the butterfly wings flapping on the other side of Figi or whatever make a storm occur weeks later on the other side of the planet.
Movement, insight, and joy happen.
Or, it’s discovered that it was there all along, we just didn’t see it until we looked more closely.
The thing I love most about The Work and simply contemplating magnificent questions about life and my perceptions of it….
….is that it doesn’t take me doing years and years of therapy, it doesn’t take finding a perfect guru, it doesn’t take money, it doesn’t take death, it doesn’t take finding true love, it doesn’t take having a healthy body…..
…..it takes whatever it takes.
All these things are amazing, and some of them are indeed part of the journey for some people.
But there are no absolutes, and nothing is required.
Your life will show you what to question.
All you have to do (and it’s not even a “have to” really) is answer the simple questions.
Your life, and your inner brilliant wise silence, will show you how to answer.
And oh so wonderful to hear other people’s adventures along this path called life!
They help us connect and turn us back to our own journeys….
….and how we are all one and the same, with apparently different details, flavors, colors, and incidents.
How has self-inquiry helped you along your life path?
I’d love to know!
Leave a comment below or you can also leave a comment when you watch on youtube in the comments section. It’s so much fun to share. And it may mean more than you know for someone else.
Your life matters.
Because.
“What would it be like if you didn’t need to struggle, if you didn’t need to make an effort to find peace and happiness? What would that feel like now? And just take a moment to be quiet and see if peace or stillness is with you in this moment.” ~ Adyashanti
Many people are aware there’s an impact of their own thinking on their daily life.
You’re thinking about something so deeply, you’re “lost in thought”.
Something uncomfortable happens, a person says something mean to you, you come across a loud argument in the street, you get pulled over by a policeman when driving, you receive sad news on email.
These kinds of situations may be a little more clear.
It just happened this morning, you can feel the way the adrenaline rushed through you, or you got tearful.
But what about the very old experiences, from long ago, way in the past, mostly forgotten.
Except.
You always seem to have the same kind of experience with men who you’re also attracted to.
Or, you generally dislike your bosses or co-workers, the ones who act like “x” (you know the ones).
Or, just when you’ve got some money in the bank, you have a big unexpected expense like your car breaks down.
Something uncomfortable keeps repeating itself, maybe in different flavors or colors….
….but the root of it is very old.
Because it feels familiar, like you’ve been having these kinds of experiences for a long time.
Two of the most powerful people to do The Work on are (drum roll)…..
…..mom and dad.
You may love them very deeply.
It’s not about criticizing them….and they may have died many, many years ago.
But those people carried many beliefs, that they learned from their ancestors before them, and passed them along very innocently.
Some of these beliefs may be creating concern, pain, angst, sadness, longing, or anger around love, intimacy, affection or touch.
It’s likely you caught a few at least.
Just saying.
Still room in the newly revised Our Wonderful Sexuality teleclass starting next Thursday. Sign up by clicking HERE.
Much love, Grace
P.S. I interviewed my next Certified Facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie, my friend Celeste Gabrielle. She is a true example of someone who questioned her beliefs, especially about her father, and changed her relationship to all men. Click to watch it!
He cheated on me. I was betrayed. She abandoned me.
This orientation to partnership is very common.
Many times, in working with others about romantic relationships, they will speak these words.
I love the way the word “cheated” comes up.
People use this word to describe going off diets (I cheated on my diet) or money (he cheated me out of my fair share) or love.
When you use the word “cheated”….
….about anything…
….you are sitting right in the center of pain.
You are shouting from the rooftops that YOU are WRONGED, that you are worthy of being cheated on, that you are damaged.
I know it hurts. I do understand. I’ve had the very same thoughts!
But inquiring and seeing, with more open eyes instead of the eyes of a victim, can be the most liberating thing ever.
People will say “I can’t let go of how hurt I was” like it means they will lose a battle.
If you say this, you may be losing already, you may be in a battle getting beaten to a pulp, so you may as well look more closely and see.
Let’s do it!
He or she cheated on you.
Is that true?
Yes! Disaster! Life story changed! The most terrible horrible thing happened! The worst that I could imagine came true!
But who would you be without the belief that it is even possible to be cheated on?
Weird, I know.
It’s such a long, abiding story of lover relationships. We guaranteed to remain true to each other, only, and never change our minds.
(Impossible to guarantee anything, have you noticed?)
But really. What if it was not cheating? What if there was no such thing?
What if there was simply human being moving from here, to over there, following their own impulses or desires or interests?
Can you really vow to never have a thought, a desire, an attraction towards more than one person….
….or even if you naturally keep this vow just because of the way you are without trying….
….can you really expect or demand that someone else sees only you 100% of the time without any smithereen of an interest in anyone else?
Who would you really be without the belief that you need that person’s attention, love, desire, commitment or vow?
Wow.
For me, the freedom was at first frightening. And then, incredible.
Natural. Soaring.
What if the thing that happened with someone else is an invitation to something even better, different?
What if you could find something brilliant in the experience, even of your own imagination moving towards someone else when you’re apparently in a committed relationship?
What if you used all this as exploration, curious development, wonder?
When I was in a committed relationship once, I watched myself get sparked by another (in horror and guilt some of the time, when I was believing the old relationship thoughts).
When I cut the control, stopped trying to hide it like it was a sin or something, I noticed the deep lack of integrity within my thinking….
….but also the joy in celebrating the beauty I saw.
For me, I brought the conversation very openly to my current partner, who I loved and adored, and as it turned out, we became closer than ever. The intimacy got deeper between us.
I mostly learned about myself and seduction, fun, romance, connection and all the variations it can take….sometimes unexpectedly.
What I noticed was I loved clarity, honesty, no secrets, including my own.
What if you were completely and totally free?
“By watching your mind, you will notice that it is engaged in the process of trying to make everything okay….When you see the mind telling you how to fix the world and everyone in it in order to suit yourself, just don’t listen….free your energies so you can free yourself. Right in the midst of your daily life, by untethering yourself from the bondage of your psyche, you actually have the ability to steal freedom for your soul. This freedom is so great it has been given a special name–liberation.” ~ Michael Singer
If you’re wanting to finding love, romance, sexuality, connecting, bonding, enmeshing, or break-ups….
….and the “problems” they’ve brought you to bring liberation instead….
….then join me in the 8 week teleclass Our Wonderful Sexuality starting next week on Thursdays. 10 am Pacific/1:00 pm Eastern/6:00 pm UK. Click HERE to register or write grace@workwithgrace.com with questions.
It’s the fifth month of Year of Inquiry, the amazing group who gather to practice the work regularly for an entire year.
The fifth month is Money.
The Money teleclass happens to be underway at the very same time. I’m hearing lots of painful thoughts about money.
It’s so fascinating, and touching.
Several people recently shared with our YOI group “I thought this was going to be an easy month!”
Maybe they feel like they have enough, they aren’t concerned daily about money, there isn’t much bothering them about finances….
….but then, once they landed on a moment with money that felt stressful….
….uh oh.
They have more than me. She should save better. He shouldn’t have charged me so much. They conned me. They should pay better. I don’t make enough. He owes me. They are losers. It’s unfair.
Recently I was talking with a dear inquirer who’s taken teleclasses with me. He’s in a relationship and about to get married.
He shared about a moment with money, and his partner, when he had a stressful feeling.
He had expected to split a vacation expense 50/50 with his partner.
She wanted him to pay the whole bill.
Fortunately they had inquiry, and a way to speak out loud all they were thinking and feeling, and a deep appreciation for arriving at peace and clarity no matter what the final outcome.
From his own self-inquiry, this willing inquirer asked himself what was going on, that he should want this 50/50 split?
He also asked his partner what him paying meant for her, what she liked about it, what it could offer her?
He wanted to hear it.
In the end….
….he paid for the whole vacation, with joy and appreciation for what he was giving.
But he couldn’t have done that without walking through inquiry first.
And it doesn’t mean that was the “right” way for it to turn out. It could have been that the 50/50 contribution was the best and most balanced way as well. Everyone has a different situation, a different experience.
The story reminded me of my own work, in the same department about who’s picking up the bill, who’s forking over the cash.
It’s a little embarrassing to admit.
But here’s the thought, the way it came out of me:
I HATE paying 100% for a partner on a romantic date! Offensive! Unsupportive! Used! Wrong! Boring! Stupid! Jerk!
Heh heh.
What I came to see was how afraid I was of running out of money, that it meant I was completely unappreciated, and I could not practice receiving.
(I like receiving!)
So who would I be without the belief that I was unsupported, unappreciated, that some part of myself (I imagined a feminine part)wasn’t held, admired, or celebrated IF and WHEN I was the one paying?
Wow.
All my social conditioning broke down, without that belief.
Collapsed.
I noticed, I had plenty of money, enough to cover the fancy dinner. I noticed the appreciation from the other person for what was being given.
I noticed most of all, what I thought it meant to “pay” (losing, my resources depleting, my pot getting smaller).
What if paying wasn’t a bad thing? What if I was receiving, or I was getting paid, right in that same situation? Could that be as true?
There was money, apparently money from my purse to the restaurant.
I could notice there was no need to have a heart attack about the situation.
It doesn’t mean I’m trying to force myself to do something I don’t want to do.
In fact, I notice I absolutely adore my partner picking up the tab. That’s my favorite, still, in the restaurant scene.
But through my own inquiry, I became aware of how in this situation, I got to feel the thrill of being the one supporting, finally. After many years and moments of a partner, or my parents, or my grandparents, being the ones to open the wallet.
How is it a good thing for you to pay for whatever it is you’re doing, enjoying, eating at a restaurant, learning, receiving?
What if you didn’t complain about money moving from you towards that other thing?
What if paying was absolutely safe? And you’re free to choose?
“The reason you feel all this turmoil is that you’re stuck in the center of a lie….’He owes me’–is that true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true? How do you react when you think that thought? Ask yourself. And who would you be without the thought? You would be responsible for yourself.” ~ Byron Katie
How do some people heal from eating battles, concerns with food and weight, or thoughts and cravings for food?
What’s the difference between someone who gets over it once and for all, and someone who goes back to eating in a way that feels self-destructive, or who gains and loses weight over and over?
The most common attempt to solve the problem of compulsive behavior around food is diet and exercise.
This may help, but people often stop right there and don’t continue to explore all the elements that make the “storm” of off-balance eating.
For me, the only answer to true healing from eating troubles….
….to become someone who no longer has any need to overeat, binge, starve themselves on purpose, gain weight, or attempt to control themselves with diets….
….is a deep form of self-inquiry.
You might say “seriously?!”
Yes.
The place to begin is to see what you’re thinking, believing, and feeling about not just food, but life.
In the moments you feel worried, nervous, sad, enraged, furious or hurt….
….those are your moments for investigation.
Here’s where to begin this journey, and the great question to ask yourself when you feel like eating when you aren’t really hungry (or you’re completely stuffed).
I had been seeing a man who I thought was gorgeous, smart, clever and creative.
We had quite a few dates out, a few fancy dinners. We went to see some of the latest hip bands in cool downtown venues. We went to an art opening. We had a barbecue by the water during the luscious summer months, which turned into a bonfire on the beach late into the night, just the two of us talking.
Last night he had invited me to dinner on a Saturday.
At his house.
Hand clapping, beating heart. I liked where this was going!
I had spent the night.
This very morning, I had to get up super early and head for a previous commitment. But I had been giddy with attraction, slipping out his front door at dawn after whispering goodbye in his ear.
I felt like when you drink several cups of coffee.
Only much better.
Waves of the fun night before would wash through me. And now, it was evening on Sunday, after both of us had spent the day apart after our first night together.
I was on my way back to his house for a light supper of leftovers, he said, but an early night.
Yes….I really liked what was happening. This was fun, fun, fun.
Until.
As he opened that same front door that I had softly opened and closed about 12 hours earlier at the crack of dawn, I saw a strained look.
Oh. He didn’t embrace me, or even kiss me on the cheek.
I asked how his day was.
He said a few words, I followed him into his kitchen. He chatted a little. We went to the back patio to sit until the food was ready. He sat down on wrought iron chair that looked big enough for two, I sat right next to him, very close.
He leaned away, gazed off at the neighbor’s house. As in leaning *away*. Pretty obvious.
“That was kind of weird last night” he said. “I guess we’ve now experienced friends-with-benefits.”
Thunk.
What did he just say?
My heart dove.
Later, and very fortunately, I had The Work…
…so I could take this situation to inquiry.
Even though my head was screaming “How could I have gotten this so wrong? What an idiot I am,” and other thoughts all attacking me.
But have you ever noticed when you berate yourself, you’re missing very important clarity about what you actually think is true?
What I thought was true was I was being rejected.
It hurt.
I crunched down and really looked.
Who would I be without the belief that he should think any tiny little thing between us, including my specialness (or lack of specialness), should be any different?
Without the belief I was being rejected?
Without the belief it needed to go any differently?
I realized I would be filled with gratitude about our time together….
….and also move on to focus on other interesting men, other datable men, maybe men wanting more connection and conversation and time together than this one.
Nothing wrong with this particular man, at all. I could simply notice “oh…got it…” and have fun moving on with joyful anticipation.
Wow, what a relief to find this didn’t have to mean anything about me.
Ha ha!
The heavy weight from my heart lifted like a big hot air balloon floating into the sky.
“You’re the one who believes this lie that hurts so much. I hear from you that if you didn’t believe it, you’d be happy. And when you do believe it, you pry and demand. So how can your husband [or lover] be a problem? You’re trying to alter reality. This is confusion. I’m a lover of reality. I can always count on it. And I love that it can change, too. But I’m a lover of realty just the way it is now.” ~ Byron Katie
Turns out, I did move on to other brilliant datable men. What an adventure!
One of them, I married.
Because that was, and is, so fun for me.
If you’re stuck in painful stories about who you should, or should not, be attracted to….or who should, or should not, be attracted to you….
….then come join the fun in Our Wonderful Sexuality, the teleclass that begins January 22nd.
It’s safe. It’s honest. It’s a breath of fresh air for sure.
At least, it has been for me.
If teleclasses are not your style, just begin with identifying your troubling beliefs about getting hurt.
I was so excited and happy, full of anticipation.