July 2015 – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

July 30, 2015

You Should Be Doing More Meaningful Work….Right?

questionyourstory — Who would you be without your stressful story about what you do?

I am amazed by Summer Camp For The Mind inquiries.

People are bringing such sweet, incredible, deeply thoughtful, moving and definitely stressful beliefs to this circle.

Maybe its the opportunity to do inquiry every single day, maybe its the people involved….

….probably both.

Yesterday, a profoundly stressful thought came up for inquiry.

I’m not doing the right kind of work in my life.

Over there…..those other people?

They’re doing more meaningful things. They’re helping the poor. They’re working in hospice. They’re living off the land. They’re getting out of the rat race. They’re volunteering. They’re giving inspirational speeches. They’re spreading good news.

They’re earning a good living….or, they don’t care about earning a living.

They’re more creative, or helpful. They’re great teachers. They’re changing lives. They’re meditating! They’re facilitators of The Work!

Ouch.

Hold your horses.

Let’s do The Work.

The lovely inquirer who brought this thought about her work to inquiry is a literature teacher.

Inside I thought…..really?

What would we do without all the incredible stories of the world and all the authors of all kinds of literature, throughout history? All the juicy writing that inspires, distracts, moves people to the depths of their being?

Yet, I’ve had these kinds of thoughts all my life about jobs I was in, work I was doing, even subjects I was studying.

It’s not “it”. This isn’t quite right. I should be doing something else.

Something else better and more……more…..different.

I once worked as a janitor at night. I cleaned an industrial kitchen all by myself, a big cavernous dark place. When I came in, I clicked the lights on with a big thunk.

I swept underneath the huge metal chopping and assembling tables. The same pieces of carrots, bread crusts, fruit peelings, and flour off the floor every Saturday night.

Once it was swept clean, I got out this big floor sprayer machine and put in all the soap and washing liquid and scoured the floor, back and forth, back and forth spraying everything spotless. Then, I rinsed the floor with the same machine, back and forth, back and forth.

I got paid exceptionally well. It was a hard-labor job and gave me fantastic money during college. I never talked with anyone, I was free to come and go within a window those Saturday nights. I got to take college courses other days of the week. I got to listen to music. I was never afraid, angry or in any arguments…no one else was there. It was simple.

What a fantastic job!

Who would I be without the belief the job was a waste of time, or not good enough, or meaningless, or not “it”?

What if whatever you’re doing IS it?

It doesn’t mean you don’t change what you’re doing tomorrow, or take one tiny baby step towards moving on, right now.

“Only be earnest and honest. The shape it takes hardly matters….It is the true motive that matters, not the manner….Meet your own self. Be with your own self, listen to it, obey it, cherish it, keep it in mind ceaselessly. You need no other guide.” ~ Nisargadatta

The brilliant and infinite way work and jobs and activities appear is astonishing and stunning.

What if every single thing is perfect, as it is. Nothing better, nothing worse.

I notice I don’t clean industrial kitchens any more, but that was the most perfect job of silence and movement anyone could have asked for.

What if you do not need to “do” anything more. What if it is being handled by reality itself?

What if this is it? And then, five minutes later, also it?

Who would I be without my ideas that something else is better than this?

Can I find turnarounds, and good reasons for this job that I apparently, do?

I am doing the right kind of work in my life.

I am not doing the right kind of play in my life.

Work is rightly doing me, in life.

Work is doing itself.

Life is doing itself, through me.

I am….and all that follows hardly matters.

You need no other shape.

You need no other guide.

And if you want to question your stressful thoughts, as a practice, whatever shape or form they take, then Year of Inquiry (YOI) starts in September.

Click HERE to read about it. (You can fill out the information form if you want to join). Please feel free to reply to this email if you’d like to talk by phone, try a free Summer Camp session, or have any special questions. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.

Much love, Grace

July 30, 2015

Eating Peace: The One Thing You Need To Do To End Emotional Eating

This one quality and ability could be all you need to recover from emotional or compulsive eating.

Even if you do it imperfectly, you make mistakes, you’re clumsy, if feels like you might die because you’re frightened….

….it can change the way you feel about all people, including bosses, lovers, partners, parents.

When you can do this, you’re need to “use” food will dissolve.

July 29, 2015

Who Is Deciding If Something’s “Worth It”?

Year of Inquiry (YOI) starts in September! Click HERE to read about it. (You can fill out the information form if you want to join).

Here are a few answers to your questions:

you have sixty days to experience YOI and if you don’t like it or something changes for you, yes you can withdraw
there are two men who are signing up so far (in other words, it’s not only women, although….majority women for sure)
inquiry telecalls are Tuesdays 5 pm, Weds noon, and Thurs 9 am all Pacific time
yes, you can make payments over the year (you get a pretty big break if you pay everything at the beginning)

******

Every year, I learn so much about the YOI process and what works for people and what doesn’t.

I ask people for feedback regularly, I really love it.

I find out what works for them and what doesn’t work for them, I get a real sense of what works for me and what doesn’t.

Here’s an interesting thing that has appeared every year in YOI for the past three years:

Some people show up at every call, hardly ever missing a single one, and sharing their process online with others (we have a private google forum)….

….and some people stop joining the calls regularly, maybe they slowly dwindle over time, maybe they simply stop joining live and listen to the recordings instead (as two people began to do this year).

It’s good to know if you like telecalls in inquiry, but you can’t know absolutely everything, even about your own self!

You can’t really always know how something goes for you, until it’s over.

In fact, maybe you NEVER know how something is for you until it’s over.

A couple of years ago, I enrolled in a one-year program (I’ve taken a ton of classes in every kind of format you could imagine, I love learning).

There were three retreats planned in various parts of the country, and small group telecalls mostly Q and A in between.

This was not an inquiry or inner-work process, it was a program to work on your business.

It was the most money I had spent on learning in awhile, since graduate school actually.

I had great expectations.

I have done enough of my own work in life to know, I am the one who ultimately runs my own program.

If something’s not going the way I really want, I need to step up and ask for help, or research and explore what’s happening so I can understand it, or make changes, or brainstorm OR…..do The Work and question my thinking, my expectations, my “plans”.

But. I got all that.

And at the end of that year, I wasn’t satisfied.

I actually felt like the fee wasn’t worth it, I wasted my money, I wish I would have decided differently.

Except, maybe not really.

I notice, those are very stressful thoughts.

There’s no way I could have known what it would really be like, how it would play out, and where I’d be by the end of that year.

What a great experience to inquire into:

That experience wasn’t worth the price.

I had this same thought once about a fancy-pants dinner I took my husband out to. A five-star restaurant.

After the bill came, I was almost angry.

Seriously? $215? For two people to eat?

This was my idea, I made reservations, I planned the surprise….so I wasn’t going to say anything. (Although you guessed it, I eventually did, since I talk with my husband about everything. We laughed).

Who would I be without the thought that something needs to be “worth it”?

What does “worth it” look like anyway?

Joy, happiness, wealth, improvement, some kind of result?

What would that be like, to not have the belief that I need to get a specific result, or have a certain kind of experience, in order to appreciate the cost of something?

I notice, I love the actual practice and contact and experience and sharing going on.

I remember considering this about graduate school long ago.

What if I never use my degree?

For some reason, it didn’t matter. I loved the students, the professors, the environment, the things we were exploring, the information.

I knew it was “worth it” even if I got hit by a bus the day after graduating (which took an extra three years, by the way, since I had a baby).

Who am I without the belief that something I’ve already paid for in the past wasn’t “worth it”?

I’d notice that what I’ve always been doing when signing up for something, or enrolling in a program, or going out to dinner, or making a purchase….

….is seeking greater expansion, greater happiness and satisfaction.

And I learned soooooo much at that program I thought wasn’t worth it.

Even though I missed many of the telecalls.

I met incredible people, I listened and took notes, I noticed thoughts I could question and took them to inquiry, I connected with others and shared myself, I felt a huge amount of joy and happiness, adventure and caring.

It’s OK I didn’t sign up for another year, or take a program of equal price again.

I knew not to.

I relaxed, and stopped pushing myself so hard in business and work.

Turning the thought around: it WAS worth it, my THINKING wasn’t worth it, I wasn’t worth it to THEM (the people running the program).

I see, there is no way to measure the worth in dollars.

It’s trading this amazing energy called money for attention, time and expertise. I like that arrangement.

I appreciate all the staff and the awareness and history those people had, who were offering and running the program. There may still be ways I don’t even know yet that I am benefitting.

My thoughts about money and measuring things in worth were definitely not worth it.

Rejecting money, keeping money, being upset about paying money, thinking there’s not enough money or I have to be so careful and frightened about money….all very un-worth it.

And who is the decider here, anyway?

Who is the one chattering away about worth?

And yes, I can find examples of how I wasn’t worth it to all the people running that “expensive” program. I was shy and didn’t share and jump in as much as I could, I don’t talk it up much now, I hold them as separate and more active in their businesses than I am, bigger and more successful.

If there really are no mistakes, and I can find the great lighthearted joy in not focusing on worth then all that was, was an experience.

Who would I be without the belief that I know what “worth it” looks like or feels like?

I’d notice what I want, and trade money for it (if I have the money) and stay open to what happens. I’d notice what I don’t want, and say no.

It’s much lighter this way.

Money flowing in, out, here, there, up, down, towards and away and noticing like breath, it’s the same.

Just because I went out to dinner and did a program, doesn’t mean I “lost” anything.

All I see now, after questioning, is gaining.

“Where does your sanity, your sense of self, your peace of mind, really come from? What does it really depend on? Money’s not insignificant to that story. It’s right in the middle of it. All your stuff around money is learned, it’s learned. It comes from somewhere, and it’s very rarely that we chose it…..You didn’t choose your prejudice, you inherited it.” ~ Stephen Jenkinson in Money and The Soul’s Desires

“Nothing comes until she needs it, nothing goes until it’s no longer needed. She is very clear about this. Nothing is wasted; there’s never too much or too little. She doesn’t expect results, because she has no future. She realizes the efficiency, the necessity of the way of it, how full it is, how rich, beyond any concept she could have of what it should be.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

July 28, 2015

Inquiry: A New Pair of Glasses

newglasses — Inquiry: a new pair of glasses

When I left my very first School for The Work of Byron Katie in March 2005, my feet hardly touched the ground.

I looked at the whole world with a new pair of eyes.

I kept shaking my head in disbelief, thinking….

….wow.

I’ve never seen the sidewalk, people, carpet, airplanes, cars, water fountains, life….like this before.

I know that sounds a little cray-cray.

But there was an inner revolution happening called looking-without- certainty-what-I-think-is-true.

It’s not necessarily all roses and rainbows.

Not knowing what is true can be strange and disconcerting. At least for that mind that loves having a task, and Knowing Stuff.

Some of the floating, amazed, wondrous feeling I experienced, however, fizzled away just a bit over time.

I actually didn’t sleep more than 4-5 hours a night for 9 months.

I felt like I was riding a strange, unknown, wave….

….and my life was turning upside down.

The insight, when I look back, came first, before all the super-huge changes.

First, I raised my hand to do inquiry. I read Loving What Is, then I went to the School for nine days.

I knew I wanted to challenge my assumptions. I wanted to do this more than I wanted stability, certainty, or guarantees.

I was really moved by wanting to understand the truth for myself, not through any doctrine, or ideal, or religious or spiritual teaching (even though I loved the religious groups I had been a part of). I did not want to suffer. I had suffered so greatly, I wanted out.

I didn’t even want a special teacher. I didn’t want Katie herself to be my guru (and I soon realized she didn’t want that either).

I wanted life, and my own inner mystery and source, to be my guru.

But I really did want to take my newfound capacity to inquire, after that first school, into an alive, expanding practice.

I wanted to do The Work all the time.

What would that look like?

I noticed, after a little while, I didn’t do The Work every day like when I first got home.

I could hardly keep up, it sometimes seemed, with the quantity of stressful thoughts my mind would spew out.

Then more days stretched between reacting, and sitting down and doing The Work. More days would go by without me writing a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on stressful experiences I encountered.

Sometimes I would sit down, though, and write with great concentration and depth about a situation that had disturbed me.

Then I would have such sweet awareness. I loved it so much, I loved the investigation. I loved the lightness.

I am so lucky.

A friend called, who I had met at that very same first school, and asked if I wanted to become partners in inquiry together.

I knew immediately to say yes.

We met on the phone every single Monday morning at 8 am Pacific Time. I was unemployed, looking for work, and she had Mondays off. She lived several states away.

We had no idea how long we would go, how much we wanted to do it, what would result.

It was amazingly good.

Almost every Monday, without fail, we met for two hours on the phone (I didn’t have skype yet or know what it was). Yes, I was actually holding a phone, putting it on speaker phone for some of the time, for two hours. We hardly missed a Monday for two years.

I inquired into my own very stressful and painful thoughts. She inquired into hers. We almost always had whole Judge Your Neighbor worksheets written out. We held each other to inquiry.

I also gathered with almost 20 people for a reunion, all of whom had been at that same very first School for The Work. Many of us traveled by plane and car to get to the home of the wonderful man who hosted us all.

We created our own Morning Walk (a silent walking meditation offered by Byron Katie). We partnered up for inquiry sessions. We shared meals and talked into the night about questioning thought.

It was brilliant to stay connected to others doing The Work, and to practice, practice, practice without it being a demand, or a chore, or something I was supposed to do.

I’m sure, today, having these experiences made me realize how gathering a group to join for inquiry practice is essential for some of us.

At least, if you’re like moi.

Creating a group format or structure is not just kinda nice, like a hobby or something….

….It’s a life changer.

It’s the difference between actually inquiring into stressful thought, and thinking it’s a good idea but not trying it.

Which is, I am sure, why I kept going and kept doing it and kept participating and kept pressing on.

Inquiry became so deeply interesting, it finally stuck inside in a way that grew more automatic.

But here’s the thing that may surprise you.

I STILL notice a gap between the stressful experience occurring in my life (an exchange with a person, an issue with money, trouble in the physical body) and beginning inquiry.

My mind kicks into gear with reaction, with contemplating something, noticing, wondering, uncertainty, fear, emptiness….

….and I’ll be following a trail of thoughts, maybe even down a rabbit hole within a few minutes….

….before *ping*….

….Grace, you could inquire. You could do The Work. Remember? The questions? Is it true? Are you sure?

Ohhhhh. Right.

Wow, that mind is a speedy one.

What a genius project manager!

Which is why I personally love entering inquiry every single day, with other people.

It’s incredible. It’s built into my daily life. For all I know, it’s saving my life.

I’m the one who needed, apparently, the constant contact of doing The Work with others. Groups, individuals, classes, meetups, retreats, intensives, immersions.

And one of my favorite things in all the world is being able to pick up my phone, or dial in with skype and my headphones, and have people show up from all over the world to answer the four questions together.

It’s a unified spirit of dissolving our personal suffering.

What could be more supportive and incredible than that?

Pretty soon, the Year of Inquiry program will open for applications and sign-ups. This is a collective spirit of coming together, with a new topic to guide us, every month for a year.

We start in September.

Our tele-sessions are Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays at three distinctly different hours so your time zone might fit. Come to one session, or come to all.

Retreats (optional) are in September 2015 and May 2016. (They’re awesome).

If you’ve been wondering how to stay in touch with your own inquiry, if you’d like to have a group to carry you through a year of identifying and expanding your mind to understand your own inner life (and outer life, too, I find) then consider joining us this year.

Curious and want to know details?

Click HERE to read all about it. (You can fill out the info/application form there if you’re ready. Decisions made by August 15th.)

Much love,

Grace

July 27, 2015

Do You Want To Accomplish It? Or Not?

boatonwater — The most peaceful choice can be to rest, then keep going, and take care of yourself always.

It was bound to appear.

It’s been awhile after all, since I had this thought.

This project should be done by now! I will not give up until it’s finished!

I had been working on technical stuff with itunes and editing audio for my Peace Talk podcast interview (I have another good one coming at the end of this week…..IF I get the tech figured out).

It was hard to set it down, though, and take a break.

I needed to stand up, instead of remaining seated for another hour.

My body needed to move.

It was five hours ago that I went to the gym and I was so into finishing this dang thing I didn’t even drink more water when I started getting thirsty about an hour ago.

It’s weird how I’ll get like a dog with a bone.

I’ve almost got it, getting up to refill my water bottle will interrupt my flow. I’m SURE I’ll figure it out soon.

Impossible, it seems, to put the project down…..unfinished.

The thing is, what I know about getting hooked onto an outcome and driving it into the ground is….

….the equal and opposite experience of yelling “I QUIT!” comes into play as a possibility.

This occurs with projects, diets, self-improvement plans, dreams for the future.

The more extreme and brutal, the more intense and determined, the more you ignore basic needs or staying in balance, the greater the chance that the opposite energy appears as a good option.

Sometimes, it’s a relief.

But other times it keeps a swing-cycle going of hard discipline, then hard procrastination and throwing out the project altogether or putting it on pause indefinitely.

Yesterday in Summer Camp for the Mind, one of our inquiries was on just this sort of idea.

A Summer Camper had the thought when waking up at 5 am….

….I should get up and meditate right now. Keep my practice going. It was so good at the monastery this past weekend, and now it’s Monday and I need to get that same feeling, follow the momentum.

Or else.

I’ll never….

….(fill in the blank on your rotton or lousy future if you don’t do or complete or accomplish or practice this thing).

What’s the worst that could happen, if I don’t figure out how to edit this dang interview?

I won’t get to share it.

I’ll have to do it all over again.

I’ll have to create a new Peace Talk for Friday and start from scratch.

Time will have been wasted.

I won’t ACHIEVE. I won’t succeed!

The thought our summer camp group actually worked was “it is too hard.”

Too hard to get up out of bed, too hard to stay on the diet, too hard to quit feeling anxious, too hard to deal with money, too hard to figure out the stupid technology, too hard to do that thing you’d really love to do.

But who would you be without the belief that what you want, or what you desire, or what you imagine for your future, or what you’ve planned is too hard for you?

Maybe there’s another possibility?

Maybe there’s not getting up at 5 am, but instead feeling joyfully satisfied with 7 am meditation.

Maybe there’s having a small amount of your very favorite dessert, or taking a break, then googling youtube to watch videos of what you’re trying to do and when that doesn’t work, asking for help.

What if it is not too hard for you?

What if the thing that is too “hard” is your thoughts about your situation.

Thoughts like, “I can’t…” or “I’m not good enough…” or “I’ll suffer….” or “I have no other options….” or “It’s impossible….”

Turning the thought around, can you open up to the idea that it’s super easy?

Well….for me. All I was doing was sitting on a couch, looking at the computer and trying to remember what I did last time, and reading some documents, and thinking.

And then I stopped. To get water.

Because that what was called for with the greatest love next. And walking outside with my sweetie who got home after a long work day.

Sometimes, you just need to put it down and rest, so life doesn’t demand it gets put down, for you.

Later, I’ll come back to what I was working on.

“Take care of yourself….Violence teaches only violence. Stress teaches stress. And peace teaches peace. And for me, peace is entirely efficient.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

I notice throwing the project out, abandoning it altogether is not what feels right, and getting frustrated and not letting up also does not feel right.

When I realize this, about anything I get excited about new ways I haven’t thought of yet.

I’ll ask others, I’ll research, I’ll consider options, I’ll wait for the best answer.

Just the right balance for me, for my own happiness.

Take care of yourself, and keep going.

Much love,

Grace

July 26, 2015

Are You SURE You Should Buy It? Spending worries?

guiltyspend — Are you guilty if you spend?

The other day a friend shared with me her former husband’s sarcastic text about her upcoming vacation.

“I guess you’re not broke.”

I instantly was personally defending my friend, when I heard of this text, without speaking a word out loud.

That guy makes ten times as much money as my friend! He goes on a minimum of two luxury vacations a year. He demands his 12% payment from her for sports and medical fees for their kids. He ignores her at every extended family event.

He should CHILL OUT!!! Jeezus!!

How could anyone get so unhappy about money? How could anyone be such a jerk, such a victim, and keep it going for ten years (he’s been paying child support this long)?

But I watched my mind flare up, and I watched the passion to believe.

Almost like someone is beckoning seductively.

Come on over here.

This is a really juicy one. You can get VERY upset about that nasty ex-husband of your friend (who you’ve never even met, by the way) and give it a good run, even for ten minutes.

Come on, let’s go.

Have a reaction, have a war….you can do it!

I felt a surge of energy in my chest and heart.

And then, so strange. (Because my mind is a little disappointed….no someone’s-been-done-wrong story? Awww…..)

Even as I saw the pictures and felt the force of energy against this phantom ex-husband I’ve never met….

….I felt compassion for this man, who didn’t want to get a divorce in the first place, and how terribly angst-ridden and sad he is about his loss.

He’s still angry.

He’s still upset, confused.

His life didn’t go the way he worked so hard for it to go.

And….if I read his words, in the most simple way, without emotion or stories attached….they are actually true.

My friend has felt, as I did, like she was dead broke following divorce, and then living paycheck to paycheck.

But she’s not! She can go on this vacation!

Don’t we all know it’s a terrible strain to live paycheck to paycheck, counting your pennies after mortgage, car payment, groceries and phone bill?

I can’t do anything extra! I can’t do anything luxurious. I can’t go out to eat like other people. I can’t buy anything that isn’t completely justified and required for survival. I can’t take workshops or retreats. I can’t enroll in special programs. I can’t buy fancy clothing. I can’t give to charity. I can’t…..

I can’t allow my money to go from here, in my bank account, to there….unless it’s, 1) a clear benefit to my well-being and improvement, or 2) required for my children’s happiness or, 3) I owe it from previous debt, or 4) a gift to someone who needs it more than me (which is a lot of people….I should be more grateful on top of all this!)

The thing is, my friend felt guilty before her former-husband even texted a word.

I know, because she had talked about it as she made plans for the vacation, decided to do it, figured out how to pay for it, and packed her bags.

It’s really, really painful feeling guilty about something that costs money, when you believe you do not deserve it, money is scarce in your life, and you better stay safe.

What to do?

I’m going on vacation myself, and I notice some of the very same thoughts.

I should stick around and keep working.

I’m going to need to prepare for Year of Inquiry and other fall events. I really need to tweak my website more after the overhaul not long ago. I need to make sure I’m ready for Eating Peace retreats. I need to map out my 2016 invitations.

I can’t leave town! I have to concentrate, stay with the program, focus!

Sigh.

Who would you be without the belief that you shouldn’t spend your money on that thing that brings you pleasure?

Something unusual. An interesting item to buy. A learning experience. Something that supports your life, your growth, your awareness.

It doesn’t have to be big. This can be ever so small.

Who would you be without the belief you shouldn’t dive in and go ahead and spend?

Especially if it’s clear you won’t go into debt or compromise your own sense of integrity.

I’m not saying throw all caution to the wind and go crazy buying a yacht.

But this is like my friend’s vacation.

She’s thought about it for several years. She’s actually trading some work for part of it. She’s getting low-cost fees and deals for buying way in advance, or sharing expenses with a whole group.

If you actually have the money to spend (and sometimes, its great to spend what you don’t actually have and to borrow, with integrity)….

….even if it’s a very small purchase by comparison….

….who would you be without the belief that you’re in danger if you trade your money for something you’re quite sure will bring you something you deeply value?

True, it’s not guaranteed.

But if you can question your beliefs, even as your luggage gets lost, your plane gets cancelled, your partner gets sick, you miss the train, the weather sucks….

….who would you be without the belief it has to go perfectly in order to be of value, to be of importance, or to be “worth it”?

Who would you be without the belief you are taking a HUGE RISK by spending some money?

Deep breath.

Wow.

I’d realize money comes in, goes out, comes here, goes there.

I’d recognize I can make the best decision possible at any moment. I can involve myself in wild unusual activities, like signing up for something really fascinating, or visiting a place very, very far away.

Without the belief it will be an emergency if I spend “x” amount of money, I notice there’s lightness on the money coming in, too.

What if safety is not an issue?

What if I can ask for what I need, and wait?

What if a former husband says “I guess you’re not broke”?

It’s true.

I’m OK. I’m not broke. I’m whole. Mended. Put together. Making a choice.

I’m alive, enjoying planet earth, trading money for things I find important, pleasant, necessary, and wonderful.

Whether its food, or a learning program, or a book, or a house.

Not frantic, buying something quick before I have “nothing” again in the near future, not grabbing for crumbs, not going into debt, not desperate.

Easy. Free. Not beating yourself up for feeling anxious, undeserving, worried.

Letting everything be here.

“Defense is the first act of war…..Without you, how can I know the places in me that are unkind and invisible? You bring me to myself….If you say one single thing that I have the urge to defend, that thing is the very pearl waiting inside me to be discovered.” ~ Byron Katie

What did my friend need to realize, and I mean deeply realize within that she had not seen before?

That she was not broke, but thriving, adventurous, courageous, independent, strong and that she actually has all she needs, in order to be happy.

Maybe you have enough, too?

No matter how much it is.

“Questioning the thought that arises when you hit a bump in your life can radically change the quality of your whole existence.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

July 24, 2015

Peace Talk With Barbara

Many years ago now, I subscribed to a newsletter on email, maybe my first ever.

It was called Joyfully Jobless and written by the dear Barbara Winters, who has helped many people have the courage to pave their own way in the field of work and how they earn.

We got to have a conversation the other day, and I asked her what peace means to her.

Listen to hear what she shared.

Click Here for Peace Talk.

It’s short, sweet, and powerful. No extra fluff.

Leave a rating and review. Thanks for listening!

Much love,

Grace

July 24, 2015

Money Money I Lost Money

In Summer Camp for The Mind this morning we looked at one of my all-time favorite topics. (You can still join, by the way, sliding scale).

MONEY!!!!

Many money situations seem hard to pin down when it comes to identifying very specifically the split second in time when money was a problem.

There you are, looking at a letter.

Or a bank statement.

Or a receipt.

Or an empty wallet.

And boom. Gasp. Quick inhale of the breath.

This cost too much. Wait, it’s how much? Something is dangerous here. I am threatened in some way.

Like I was last night.

My son turned 21 very recently and what I knew he would love was a new upgraded cell phone. His phone was eligible for a trade-in. We usually use and use and use our phones because….I notice the whole “upgrade” thing is a made-up idea anyway.

But this would be a fun gift.

Two hours later, we returned home with not only a phone, but some kind of fancy speaker, a super-charging case for his phone, and a high-priced glass cover to prevent scratches to the phone screen.

I opened my email, to double-check the receipt I had just signed and what all happened.

There was a lot of discussion and a lot of numbers flying around about the new monthly payment being the same, and a few hundred dollars charged to my credit card.

Gizmos and gadgets and MORE (there was something about a MORE EVERYTHING plan).

I took a look at the receipt bottom line and my eyes popped open and mouth said “What??!!!”

Perfect moment for the Summer Camp Inquiry this morning.

The thought brought to our call by an inquirer was “her negligence resulted in my suffering financial loss!”

Maybe you have a situation where someone’s negligence resulted in loss, for you.

I love getting as simple as possible with money thoughts.

There are a few concepts to question right in the middle of this one concept about negligence and financial loss:

I lost money
I am suffering
she (or he) was negligent

There are so many implied or assumed beliefs under this one concept.

more money is better than less money
I could have more money right now than I do
its dangerous to have money move from here to over there
money causes suffering
this situation is someone’s fault (if not theirs, then MINE)
this situation is BAD or threatening

Who would I be without the belief that I lost something, or that making a purchase is dangerous, or that a mistake could have been made?

Who would I be without the entire belief system about money, and the idea that it is better if it’s coming to me, staying with me, not leaving me?

I notice I love to trade money for things.

Food, house, transportation, communication (phone), fun, entertainment, care, education.

I’m constantly trading money for these things, and it’s easy, simple, wonderful.

Without the belief something terrible has gone wrong with money, in my situation, I call the customer service center and ask a lot of questions. I get clearer and clearer about the plan, the structure, the numbers and what I misunderstood or needed clarity on.

I asked everything.

I notice I’m fascinated.

All the brilliance of moving numbers, sales, buying, contracts, upgrades, deals, cell phones, beliefs about what is needed or not needed, what is required or not required…..so hilarious, really, so entertaining.

I love discovering light shed on what the receipt means, the questions, the answers, remembering the fun in the store. The sweet time spent with my adorable son who I love so much and the laughter we had about the experience.

And this morning, I’m heading back to the store when it opens, with the fancy speaker, to return it, make some changes, and ask more questions.

With a light step, noticing the thought enter “this is a pain that I ‘have to’ go back” and not believing it.

I know I don’t have to do anything.

I see also there has been no loss of any kind whatsoever.

There has only been all gain. Gain of information, smiling son, laughing family, learning so much about cell phones and plans and deals and people in stores.

I gained money
I am happy, I am safe, I am fine, I am breathing, all is well
she (or he) was careful, attentive
more money is NOT better than less money
It is not possible to have any more money right now than I actually have (all ideas about more or less are images in my mind)
its exciting and safe to have money move from here to over there
money does not cause suffering, my thoughts about money do
this situation is no one’s fault
this situation is GOOD and wonderful, not threatening

Last night during the phone conversation after I returned home, my monthly bill was reduced by $20. I read a consumer report article online this morning and discovered a way to reduce costs even more.

I got to see the easy generous nature of my son who said “mom, you can take the fancy speaker back and the case for the phone….I don’t really need those.”

The man we spent time with gave us tons of attention and care, and we learned all about his grandson and his previous career. So did the person who talked with me on the phone at 10 pm at night.

Without the feeling of threat, or danger, I notice how secure and happy and comfortable I am right now, in this present moment.

Money is doing what it does, and I’m having fun noticing it is free to do what it does without me becoming terrified or full of grasping, or overly-excited.

“My world is one of constantly shifting forms. There’s nothing I can count on in it, not my age, not my body, not who is with me, not my identity, not the century, not the planet I live on…..Anything that comes into its awareness is a tilt, to be set straight again. It’s always looking for something out of order, only to see the order.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

Money shifts in quantity, speed, presence, just like everything else.

Can I notice, for this moment, how I can’t count on money and yet, how safe, mysterious, funny, simple this moment is….

….even if numbers have gone up, gone down, come in, come out.

Just like breathing.

And now, I close the computer and head back to the cell phone store for the next chapter in this fun adventure. We’ll see if I get there, or not.
Much love,

Grace

P.S. Still two weeks of daily Summer Camp 90 minute inquiry. With two weeks still ahead, and a 2 hour Sunday jam on 8/2, you can pick the dollar amount right for you. Sliding scale to join. Stress melting for the mind! Your chance to try guided inquiry and listen. No participation required.

July 22, 2015

What if Love is Not What You Think?

“The course of true love never did run smooth.

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.

Love is a smoke and is made with the fume of sighs.

To be wise and love exceeds man’s might!”

These are all comments written by the famous Shakespeare.

Love is not exactly given a good rap.

Love….never smooth, blind, unclear, sad, and unwise.

One of the great dilemmas people come to inquiry with, in solo sessions with me because often they feel so guilty and ashamed they don’t want anyone else to hear about it, is if they should stay or go in their committed love relationship.

It’s like torture.

Come, go, quit, stay, leave, arrive, enter, exit, approach, depart, divorce, stay married, break up, renew.

It’ll drive anyone insane if you think you should make a decision.

So that concept itself is a great one to question (search “decision” in other Grace Notes for inquiry about making a decision).

But if you’re torn, and you want more focus and light on your experience….

….start with writing a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on all the stuff you dislike, resent, feel disappointed about or feel bored by when it comes to your partner.

Judge the heck outta them.

Don’t hold back. Let it rip.

Do The Work on all the concepts. Explore it deeply.

THEN….

….you may be at a new open level.

You don’t feel stung, or like a victim, or enraged. The emotional intensity is softened, you’ve relaxed your attack significantly.

You notice it’s very peaceful to not want that person to be different than they actually are.

And it’s impossible anyway.

But you realize….it’s not actually this person you’ve made a commitment to, who you spend time or a home with, that’s the problem.

You’re facing something much bigger than you thought before.

You’re facing your beliefs about love and what it’s supposed to give you in your life. You’ve believed, maybe, that you’ll only have love if you’re technically “with” another human being.

You’re facing your beliefs about being alone.

And THIS is what really frightens you.

Oh, and hurting your partner’s feelings. Can’t forget that.

It causes great anxiety and sorrow.

But who would you be without the belief you’ll hurt someone when you say goodbye?

Who would you be without the thought that when you cause someone to cry, you should be punished, or you’re doing it wrong?

Who would you be without the belief that love means sacrifice, or love means holding back and staying together even if you want to fly, or that love means you can’t do what you truly want?

Who would you be without the belief that being alone sucks and does not involve the feeling of love?

What if you came from another planet and you were raised with the notion that mating, parting, togetherness, and being alone all have beautiful benefits and you are free to move in and out of these states as long as you live?

I notice, I already do move in and out of these states of mind, even though technically I’m “married”.

There is very little neediness, or grabbish energy, or expecting things. This is also a second marriage for both of us and it is very, very different from what we once believed about partnership and marriage.

But we have both inquired very, very thoroughly about what love is, what love is supposed to “do” for you, and found that it can be present whether you’re in relationship or out of relationship.

What if you knew you were completely and entirely safe, no matter what you pick or which way you move?

Recently I facilitated a sincere inquirer on the dread she felt about breaking up with her boyfriend.

She hated the way he was with money, she disliked his gambling, she wasn’t comfortable with his drinking, she wasn’t all that excited about his relationship with her son….

….but she was scared to “have to” start dating again.

What if it was the best thing in the whole world to date?!

Her assignment was….finding real, genuine, honest, authentic examples of turnarounds for being single, and dating.

This was a whole new world for her to imagine the joy of having someplace to yourself, being alone, taking yourself out to a movie, joining friends, connecting with groups, speaking freely, inviting others, having a blast and following her deepest pleasures.

Wow. So exciting.

Who would you be without your painful beliefs about love?

What if love was present whether you’re with a person, or not?

What if love has nothing to do with being married, or single?

Are you sure what you mean when you say “love” is actually “love” and requires another person?

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud…Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” ~ Corinthians

This means it endures through singleness and through contact with others.

Could love be present in any moment?

Even if you see the sadness at saying goodbye, and you cry your eyes out.

Maybe that heartbreak is all a part of love, breaking your heart open to something bigger and more expansive than ever imagined.

Life is like that.

Isn’t that what we really always wanted?

“Seeking love keeps you from the awareness that you already have it–that you are it……Don’t be careful, you could hurt yourself.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

July 22, 2015

Eating Peace: Why Would Being Happy About Yourself Right Now Be BAD For You?

There are a lot of ideas out there about how you should love yourself and be kind to yourself and care well for yourself, in order to be happy.

But rarely do we deeply consider why we would have this idea that being unhappy with oneself is a good thing.

What if you were happy with yourself as you are, at this weight, with your kind of eating patterns (no matter how terrible they’ve felt)?

What if the way you have been with food has been the best you can do, the best you’ve known how to do, until now?

What if instead of kicking yourself for eating, you could ask yourself why being happy right now would be bad for you?

Then really answer the question from the bottom of your heart, explore, notice what you believe, give yourself some patient consideration.