Category: Sexuality

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This has been killing me since January. (Oh, wait…is that true?)

Last January 28th, on my birthday to be exact, my mom and I had breakfast in the local Honey Bear Bakery across the street from my cottage.

That late day in January almost seven months ago, we decided to take a walk in my neighborhood in the bright mid-day winter.

It was a little bit sunny, I remember. Not Raining is a thing at that time of year.

The air was fresh, cool. Soothing.

The night before I had texted my son, now living very close by in the house his father had owned before he died of cancer 18 months earlier.

My son had replied “Sure, breakfast with you and grandma sounds fun! See you there!”

He hadn’t shown up, so we ate without him.

No big deal, my mom and I said to each other. He’s so forgetful. If his head wasn’t attached by the neck to his body, he’d leave it somewhere.

We decided, as we put on our January rain jackets, to walk over to his place, knock on the door and see if he wanted to come walk with us.

We showed up at his basement apartment door.

Apologies, laughter, more apologies. There was a young woman in his apartment. We had heard about her, but not met her yet. She didn’t want to come out to meet us.

(I watched a few thoughts run through about that–she should want to meet us, if they’ve been dating for 3 months now….is it true?)

My son pulled on his tall black Hansen rubber boots to his 6 foot 4 inch tall frame.

Little did I know as we three stepped out into the lush, wet, northwest late morning that our walk would reveal a massively unexpected bit of information.

Like. Insanely unexpected.

Never, ever before imagined or wondered about.

Well, certainly not imagined for me.

During the conversation as we trod down the very center of the wide paved quiet road lined with huge tall evergreens, my mother started prodding my son with questions about his girlfriend.

My mom commented on how shy the young woman seemed. She also asked about the girlfriend’s change of pronouns to them/they/theirs.

“What’s her motivation….I mean, what’s ‘their’ motivation?” asks my mom.

“And are you thinking of changing your own pronouns?” says my mom after some discourse.

I almost want to say “don’t ask him so many personal questions–especially that one mom. Leave him alone, jeez.”

My mom has always been caring, interested, and has no hesitation asking whatever comes to her mind.

It’s been a really, really good thing, to be honest.

Even if incredibly uncomfortable sometimes growing up.

My son paused, stopped walking with tall cattails waving slowly behind him and the creek singing loudly just past the path we had turned on, both hands deep in his pants pockets….

….and said….

….”why yes, yes actually. I AM changing my pronouns. To they/them. No longer he/him. Consider the pronouns changed. I prefer they/them”.

Holy Sh*t.

I felt a rush of adrenaline.

That was the first spotlight of awareness getting revealed to me. The first piece of information that didn’t fit my expected story.

Like in a very dark black theater, I’m in the audience way back in the seats farthest away from the stage, and the show is about to begin.

BAM. You know that turn-on-the-huge-theater-spotlight sound?

All the light suddenly in a bright column on stage.

Blackness surrounding this column.

That one spotlight turns on and we see everything inside only that beam of light.

They/Them pronouns.

What does this mean?

I had not known there was a whole stage, a whole unknown world surrounding and behind the light beam of new information.

An entire world, a whole enormous set.

A set with furniture, color, atmosphere, clues, history, people, genders, anger, passion.

With one spotlight, it’s all still basically in the dark, but the audience now knows the set is there.

We know now.

I knew now.

I had seen none of it.

I hadn’t even been invited into the theater before. It almost seems I had accidentally entered this theater, pulled in by my mother and her curiosity.

A world of gender questioning and challenging in ways different from what I’ve pondered myself. Maybe.

BAM. Another spotlight turns on two weeks later when I have a further discussion with my oldest child, this being who is now they/them, and find out ‘they’ have been taking hormones to increase estrogen and decrease testosterone since October.

I almost gasp inside.

WHAT?!

The mind starts fitting puzzle pieces together from the past year. I think about how weird last Thanksgiving had been, for example. Last November. I felt like something wasn’t being said.

I had wondered on that November journey if it was just my own sentimentality since I had been to our destination many times over the years: Cannon Beach, Oregon.

It’s where I had spent a honeymoon with my children’s father, right after our November wedding in 1990.

I had wanted to talk about their dad and remember him, but something was just….off.

After the second evening together on that trip, just before dozing off to sleep, I had said to my now husband, my two children’s step father (he’s been around since the kids were 8 and 11) “Something’s off, like we aren’t talking about something. It feels weird. I can’t put my finger on it.”

BAM. Three more spotlights turn on a few more weeks later when we have a five hour conversation about gender, society, culture, depression, conditioning, suicide, rage.

Wow.

“I don’t know why, mom, it just seems right. I can’t present as a male right now in my life.”

Me in my head only [Why the hell not? You’re one of the good ones, we need you! Don’t abandon your role as man, oh please, let this not be happening. Why do all the good men leave? (Um, they don’t, let’s not get carried away).]

“No I have not consulted or told anyone at all. It seemed necessary to do this on my own and not get influenced by other people.”

[You didn’t want ME to influence you. I mean nothing to you? Mothers have no power after all. My heart is breaking. You shouldn’t care about whatever your gender is so much. You’re throwing away a great life. Sob. (Um, hello, remember “is it true?” Heh heh.)]

“No I am not interested in surgery”.

[Thank God, maybe there’s hope. Stop! Don’t! How could I have not seen this? What’s wrong with me? Is this because your dad died? Please never, ever want to get expensive surgery that will make you look confusing and weird. (Um, this doesn’t have anything to do with you? Hello?)].

“Sure I do like girls or women, yes, and you could say that makes me a non-binary lesbian, mom.”

[A lesbian with a penis? Stop the insanity! (Remember how much you like challenges to ‘normal’ and the joy of change?)].

“Quit asking me questions, do your own research! I don’t have time for five hour conversations every week.”

[My son has died. He never asked me one thing about this predicament, this concern. What is this agony? Remember how fun and comfortable you find the LGBTQ+ world–even though you don’t identify there? Why so upset?? (You sure are having a hissy fit, interesting!)]

After tossing and turning one night for hours, I knew what to do.

Write it down.

Catch the thoughts–manifest them on paper. Stop them moving so fast by writing them.

Take your own medicine, Grace.

Ask four questions on one thought at a time.

Turn it around.

Funny that I would even let a few days go by without doing The Work.

Thank goodness I facilitate The Work. It is for me, once again.

What’s that, Grace? Who’s it for?

(The court fool in the corner is holding their hand to their ear with a smile. “Who is The Work for, Ms. Bell?)

Me. Mind.

This mind, having it’s thoughts that are very dramatic, catastrophic, wail-inducing.

I do The Work. I find a crack in my story, just by watching the stress and disappointment arise and asking “who would I be without this story?”

For the next weeks, every person’s inquiry I work with, every group where someone brings pain to the surface, I see this “son” saying they aren’t my “son”.

I listen, I plug in my child’s face, I hear those who have come to be clients giving their wisdom; the lovely and thoughtful year of inquiry group, the sincere and passionate eating peace group….everyone in these groups so brilliant in their own way, here to speak their answers.

I write.

One day, I have people in one of the groups write down what they have lost, in an important situation where LOSS is the caption of the story.

I do the exercise, too.

What have I lost, when it comes to this oldest child of mine? What does it mean for me?

LOSS EXERCISE:
I’ve lost my fairy tale ending with a son
I’ve lost my SON, a boy.
And it means that…..
People will be frightened of him, and of me
I did something wrong
He’s reject-able
That beautiful version of him is dead
He is throwing his opportunity away
People will hurt him
Being the good king, being president, being in charge, being leader, being the man, being Jon Snow, being the biggest-boss-there-ever-was….is not possible.

I begin to do The Work.

I am stunned. I see how in the card deck, the King is higher than the Queen. It was always that way. I never questioned it.

Fascinating.

What if that’s not true?

I write several Judge Your Neighbor worksheets for different situations, answering the six questions to identify more of what I’m thinking. I spend time contemplating, wondering about my story.

I’m listening.

My first sentence? The crime, the offense, the thing I hate that’s happened?

“My son is killing my son”.

How bizarre. It’s like “he” should keep being THAT IMAGE.

The handsome, beautiful man I see. The one I adore. The one I delight in listening to, in talking to for hours.

I had no idea I was so set in my mind about what I saw, how I saw it, who else should see it, how it needed to be maintained and seen long-term, and what I expected to see in the future.

Wow.

Left turn.

Pivot, (as they say during pandemics).

Universe showing up for me to learn.

Pandemic thinking, catastrophic thinking, grandiose thinking. A lot of killing going on.

Do I want to fight and crush my own heart into pieces with my disappointment, or broken heart, or diseased visions for the future that could use a little upgrade, or peace?

Or do I want to be open to whatever’s unfolding?

I get to choose.

“Argue with reality, and you lose, but only 100% of the time.” ~ Byron Katie

And so the light continues to turn on, sometimes a strobe light, sometimes way too bright–until my eyes adjust.

Sometimes I wish for a blindfold, or those little delicate sandbags someone placed over my closed eyes once in a spa.

Do I really have to look? Do I have to see how much I dreamed the story to go one certain way, instead of remembering the universe is the one in charge?

Who am I without my nightmare story? Is it even “my” story?

Without this story, I’d be hearing my mother, the grandmother of my changing child, say to me on the phone last night after this child moved in with her; “This is going to be amazing. Their life could be better this way than the way it might have been without this change. This kid is fascinating….it’s going to be amazing, fabulous, wonderful. I am sooooo excited!”

These words from my mother who turned 83 two days ago.

An open mind, an unconditionally loving mind, has nothing to do with age.

Who would I be without my story?

Aware of the incredible support.

Aware of the question arising in me “that’s MY son, “my” child–is that even true?”

Aware of how much I love a future without limits, without definition.

Aware that I can also be thrilled, just like my loving mother who I adore.

I can also be full of wonder, surviving despite all the experiences and stories about pain and suffering, rejection and failure, gender and privilege.

Steady on into questioning my beliefs.

Are they even “my” beliefs?

LOL.

And so….the page-turner continues.

Life is the teacher, the guru.

All of life, everything I meet, every person I encounter.

Without my stories of what should be: son, child, dream, future, health, enlightenment, success, safety, right, money, wrong, even God….

….without “my” stories about any of this….

….something rises inside that’s like a laugh.

A joy.

Nothing serious going on here.

So Year of Inquiry is preparing for a new group of inquirers ready to journey together in The Work for a whole year.

Apparently, doing The Work is of phenomenal benefit for me, personally.

The group is part of my spiritual practice.

I love sharing The Work.

Which makes me extremely happy to know people will be coming on board and helping me stay on the peace train and discover the possibilities for whole new worlds.

The Work, especially with other people, is the one thing I can apparently do with all these wild stories careening around creating fear, agony, stress, anxiety, anger, rage, sadness and heartbreak.

I wouldn’t have the stories go any other way.

(They are rather exciting, no?)

I am so grateful I have four questions I can ask, and turnarounds I can fall into.

Like little mental wake-up slaps when I’m dozing off during a concussion. Er, I mean gentle dawning of the light.

Turned around: My thinking is killing my son, my thinking is killing me, my son is creating and giving birth to someone new.

Human being.

Thinking.

Seeing nightmares.

Human being.

Thinking.

Seeing possibilities, joy, love.

Human being.

Thinking.

Laughing at the thinking.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead

Our world-changing citizen groups start September 15th, 2020 and we work together through June 17th, 2021…followed by Summer Camp for The Mind which is always included for Year of Inquiry folks.

Our schedule?

Tuesdays 9am Pacific Time (Noon ET/ 6pm Europe or South Africa), and/or,
Thursdays 5pm Pacific Time (8pm ET/ 9am Japan Friday/ 10am Sydney Friday)
Saturdays 8:30am Pacific Time (11:30am ET/ 4:30pm UK)

Having a weekend day is by popular request for those working and busy all the time Monday-Friday.

I don’t mind.

“Mind”–LOL.

Read more about our group, the schedule, and the program right HERE: www.workwithgrace.com

I can’t wait to see what happens next.

That’s the best kind of way to live a life.

Thanks for joining me on the journey.

Much love,
Grace

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50 Shades of Thought

50 Shades of Thought

Since the Love, Romance and Sexuality telecourse is underway….

….I’ve had the wonderful privilege of being with others investigating moments of criticism, disappointment, tension about nakedness, concerns when it comes to physical contact with others.

So many thoughts in one split second.

At least 50!

And speaking of romance and sexuality….

….I’ve ALSO been noticing, under the same topic, outcries, conversations, heated discussions, and an occasional note zipping by on facebook about that movie.

You know, that movie.

(Fifty Shades of Gray).

What surprised me recently was when I heard about some people who were into culturally experimental views around sexuality and sexual ethics….

….and even THEY were up-in-arms about the movie.

I thought they wouldn’t care, or have no opinion, or be in favor of everyone doing whatever they want….but no.

They had some pretty strong opinions about the whole thing.

I started noticing a little bubbling up of stress, and a typical reaction I’ve had when things gain a lot of controversy and everyone gets very worked up in the media.

They should calm down, stop getting so aggravated!

What is everyone getting so excited about, I mean for Gawd Sakes!?

Chill!

And I am NOT going write about some pop culture thing like 50 Shades in my Grace Note either! Jeez!

Ha ha!

Who would I be without my story about 50 shades and 50 opinions and 50 controversies and 50 ways to calm down?

I might actually connect. Ask questions. Ask people about what’s disturbing them, why they care.

I might listen.

Turning my high-fallutin’ thoughts around about how I can’t be bothered….

….I remember I myself am investigating every single week in my own telecourse the great topic of sexuality, romance, and passion.

We’re looking at our ideas about what hurts, and what doesn’t.

Everyone has thoughts about what is right, what is threatening, what is a solution, what is wrong, what works, what doesn’t work!

To look deeply and with an open mind at human sexuality is caring.

It’s a privilege, a wonderful exploration.

I do care about 50 thoughts, 50 ideas, 50 inquiries, 50 stressful beliefs, 50 ways to freedom, 50 turnarounds, 50 feelings. 

“To exclude anything that appears in your universe is not love. Love joins with everything. It doesn’t exclude the monster. It doesn’t avoid the nightmare–it looks forward to it.” ~ Byron Katie 

And I notice right now I’m feeling the joy of silence, writing only this sentence, remembering the sweet inquiring in the class the other day on sexuality, getting ready to stand up, gather keys, head for the gym.

Full of celebration about this world of people all singing their songs, full of life, being themselves, and feeling sexual, or not.

Love, Grace

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Waking Up Is Not Dictating What Others Should Do–Including The S Word

Breitenbush Hotsprings Annual Retreat in Oregon June 24-28 is open for registration. Sign up soon for the best accommodation choices by calling 503-854-3320.

It is awesome. We do The Work deeply on what disturbs our peace….there is nothing like awakening with yourself as your own teacher, questioning your stressful thoughts. And the location helps, too.

******

Do you have rules about a partner's activities that scare you or make you mad? Inquiry can REALLY help!
Do you have rules about a partner’s activities that scare you or make you mad? Inquiry can REALLY help!

“Do we have to share about our sex life, or lack of it?” she said with a nervous laugh.Not long ago someone wrote to me to say she was wondering about taking the upcoming Sexuality teleclass, but felt a little embarrassed.

It is SUCH a difficult topic.

Although, you could question that.

Isn’t it uncomfortable only because we’ve been very well trained to feel guilty, sad, jealous, unworthy, or frightened when it comes to sexual contact and sexuality?

OMG! Something terrible will happen if I feel attraction to “x”!

OMG! Something terrible will happen if I don’t feel attraction to “y”!

OMG! It is horrible when pairings change around and switch, or people sleep with one then another, or people leave long-time monogamous relationships!

OMG! I can’t say that out loud!

Really?

It’s weird all the rules and regulations people learn, often from adults ever since they are kids.

This over here is right. That over there is wrong.

It is such an incredible thing to question these “truths” or beliefs and take them to inquiry.

Just because you’re questioning them doesn’t mean all hell will break loose or you won’t have solid ground to stand on, don’t worry.

One of the biggest sources of pain is when people believe they should be with one person sexually or “in relationship”, and that same person has been with others!

I mean, people get really freaked out about this.

If you find yourself upset about a partner’s history, current desires, other relationships, or life outside of contact with you….

….you may want to inquire.

You may be making yourself completely crazy in where insanity is not necessary.

At all.

Here’s the general concept that flips people into the most whacked emotional states….and I can mention it, because that was me.

“That person should have no one but me as their partner, they should care about only me, they should sleep with only me, they should love only me in this special romantic partnered way.”

IS THAT TRUE?!?

Good lord, no.

What’s the reality of relationships?

I note that people throughout history are moving, going, coming, committing, ending, divorcing, breaking up. Since the beginning of humankind.

Apparently, Reality is that there are no hard and fast rules. Some are interested in one-to-one for many years, others like moving about.

What if there was really no “right” or “wrong”?

If this upsets you, why? What’s the danger?

And what WILL people think if you speak out loud anyway?

Seriously. Answer this question.

What is the actual problem with people not committing, or people having multiple relationships, or your partner choosing someone else, or talking about sex?

When I really looked at this with an open mind, I realized that the danger for me, when getting divorced, was that I was imagining I was worthy of being rejected, abandoned, or having a failed marriage.

It meant something about ME.

ME ME ME.

BAD BAD BAD.

But who would you be without the belief that the motions of other people, even that one you really love and adore, should be close to YOU ONLY?

“Part of waking up is that you live your life as you see fit. And understand: that is not selfish. The selfish thing is to demand that someone else live their life as YOU see fit. THAT’S selfish. It is not selfish to live your life as you see fit. The selfishness lies in demanding that someone else live their life to suit your tastes, or your pride, or your profit, or your pleasure. That is truly selfish….I no longer avoid you because of any negative feelings you create in me. You don’t have that power anymore.” ~ Anthony DeMello

Can you taste the freedom in allowing people to come and go as they please? The joy in you getting to do this, too?

And oh the freedom of speaking what you really want to say out loud. Of saying those words, those beliefs and thoughts that you’re thinking about what should or should not happen physically with others.

How could it be a good thing, that life shows up this way, with unknown couplings and unexpected attractions, with unplanned commitments and joyful long relationships?

How could it be awesome to talk about it?

When I felt the freedom available to me in divorce, in break ups, in losing all expectations for what relationships were supposed to look like….

….ahhhhh. Such wonder.

The fun, the discussions, the play, the exploration, the conversations! So wonderful, so intimate!

If you feel pain about any aspect of sexuality….ideas, loss, rules, difficulty, longing, fear, nervousness….

….you might love the upcoming Our Wonderful Sexuality class starting Thursday mornings 10-11:30 am Pacific time on January 22nd.

With respect for ourselves and every voice that wants to talk inside us, we write down our painful beliefs we tell ourselves about relationships, whether past, present or future….

….and free our minds.

Won’t you join me?

Much love,

Grace

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Be Honest (About That Secret Thought) And Set Yourself Free

Last Tuesday when Year of Inquiry met to question thoughts together in the morning via teleconference….a very interesting thought appeared for investigation.

Our topic this month is Authority.

Power, control, being bossed, trying to boss yourself, getting manipulated, having concern with who or what is in charge.

People once again had really profound and varied worksheets.

One wonderful inquirer had a few thoughts about Society and how controlling it is about sexuality.

He should, she should, they should….

There were different aspects of thought around relationship on her worksheet, but here’s the thought that rose to the surface, that felt very painful and nerve-racking:

Men leave women who don’t want to “x”.

I’m making sure this note is rated G.

You get the idea though. Someone leaves if someone else doesn’t do what they want.

What a frightening and controlling thought.

If I do it, I feel like a slave. If I don’t do it, I’m abandoned. Rats. No win.

This kind of dynamic can happen in all kinds of relationships. On the job between boss and employee, or between parents and children, or between friends, or neighbors.

Pretty much between any two people. Period.

If I don’t do what that person wants, I will be abandoned. If they don’t do what I want, I will abandon them!

Dang! Wait a Second! This is true!

I’ve been ditched and I’ve done the ditching a bunch of times because what was wanted by someone…..didn’t happen!

Are you sure that’s true?

Yes. Ask anyone.

When people’s relationships end and someone gets left, it’s because one person wasn’t getting what they wanted from the other person.

Are you completely sure of this?

No.

How do you react when you believe people get left when someone doesn’t get what they want?

Sigh. It’s hard.

Lots of examining relationships, to make sure I’m doing OK, make sure I’m giving enough, being a good friend, a good partner, a good sibling, a good earner, a good pleaser, a good daughter, a good teacher, a good student, a good worker, a good mother, a good granddaughter, a good neighbor, a good citizen.

Anything. But. Abandonment.

But who would you be without that thought?

Without the belief that being left had something to do with you? That you can prevent leaving from occurring? That your leaving had something to do with them? Or that you know what’s best for everyone involved?

Woah.

Amazing, right? What if the way it went, or the way it’s going to go, is going to be the best way ever?
Turning it around…

If I don’t do what I want, I will be abandoned–by myself!  

Sooooo True!

And let’s face it, we feel awful when we abandon ourselves.

Someone in our inquiry group said “No one ever talks about this!”

I thought….everyone here is connecting, sharing very honestly, doing the work on a belief about something extremely intimate, and sometimes troubling or off, sometimes incredibly beautiful.

We were all whatever the opposite is of abandoned, in that time of working together….

….set free.

Just like all honest conversations.

Much love,

Grace

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If They’re Responsible For Your Pain, The “V” Word (Ouch)

Today we begin the class Our Wonderful Sexuality: doing The Work on the beliefs we have that create stress, loss, jealousy, pain, anger, sadness or lack of freedom in our lives.

There is room in the class. If you’ve been wanting to talk about sex, your ideas, the rules, your questions, your concerns, in a safe, clear environment….

….then join us right now. It’s awesome.

Just like the Money class that started Monday, I won’t be teaching it for quite awhile as my direction will be towards the exciting Year of Inquiry starting in September.

It’s yet another avenue for the deepest spiritual freedom, this hush-hush topic of sexuality. To be free to be yourself, whatever that looks and feels like, is deeply joyful.

But even without a class…you can start looking at this topic right now. I’ll share with you how you can start unraveling and changing your experience of love relationship and touch, and lightening up.

It starts with memories.

It’s the way you do it with anything you’re inquiring into, really, using The Work of Byron Katie.

A situation occurs….and then there is the memory of it. There is a reaction. Maybe right away, maybe in a few hours, maybe a few years later. The mind starts formulating what it meant, especially if it was painful. And putting it on replay.

Endless replay. Good grief. Can’t we just forget about that gross thing that happened? Or that disappointment?

The mind then projects quicker than lightening into the future that it never wants to experience this bad situation again.

When it comes to sexuality or sexual behavior, people sometimes have moments that are not that great, unfortunately.

What is supposed to be fun, adventurous, easy and loving is embarrassing, dark, addictive, sad, disappointing or violent.

If you’re ready to look closely, here’s what you can do.

First, make a list of your troubling memories.

That time you were ten and you learned…That time you were fifteen and the boy kissed you and then….That time you found out….That situation when you expected this but you got that….That time you were shocked and scared….That time she said this, and he did that…

Then pick only one situation that was particularly upsetting. Hold that situation clearly in your mind, and write down the answers to these questions (you can find the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet at www.thework.com):

  1. why were you upset?
  2. how do you want that person(s) who bothered you to change in that situation?
  3. what should have happened? what shouldn’t have happened?
  4. what did you need from that person in order to be happy, instead of upset?
  5. describe what you see when you look at that person or those people in that memory
  6. what do you never, ever want to have happen again in this situation?

When you carefully consider these questions, and answer them, you have in front of you, on paper, your objections, your discomfort, your resistance, your irritation.

Doing The Work on that situation doesn’t mean the experience changes, because it happened already.

But it does mean you may be able to discover a center of peace within yourself, no matter what happened to you in the past.

That’s a very, very valuable thing. Maybe the most valuable thing in life.

“Remember, if you close around something, you will be psychologically sensitive about that subject for the rest of your life. Because you stored it inside of you, you will be afraid that it will happen again. But if you relax instead of closing, it will work its way through you. If you stay open, the blocked energy inside of you will release naturally, and you will not take on any more.” ~ Michael Singer

The very act of doing The Work, walking slowly but surely through the four questions and finding turnarounds, is an act of courage and an intention to open your mind to great change.

To see what happened and feel resolved about it. So YOU can be happy.

It works, if you answer the four questions.

The most amazing troubled experiences can be put in their place forever….

….in the past.

They are over.

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is ‘out there’–as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering–the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.” ~ Byron Katie

Ready to find freedom from your beliefs when it comes to physical contact with others? Need support in doing it?

Sign up to meet for 8 weeks. You’ll be glad you did.

Much love,

Grace

 

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Doing The Work on Love And Sex

Attraction to others. Lust. Craving. The lightening bolt zinger through the body. Thrill.

Everyone has felt this at some time in their lives past puberty, it’s a natural human adult experience.

And then, along with it, many people can start drowning in stressful beliefs, there are so many.

A woman once contacted me from another country and even though we were half way around the globe from each other, she was embarrassed and felt awkward talking about “that” feeling of attraction.

She had a partner, but she didn’t like the sexual contact she had with him. She found it unpleasant.

On top of that, she felt she couldn’t say this out loud, even though he could tell.

Yikes, that’s a rough place to be. Stuck not liking something that is all about pleasure and feeling ecstasy, and not being able to speak of this displeasure out loud.

What was she thinking?

  • he’s too aggressive
  • he never slows down
  • he’s too hungry
  • he shouldn’t be so easily pleased
  • he should try harder to please me
  • I need him to stop criticizing me
  • he shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about this

I had her picture that moment during sexual contact when she had these kinds of thoughts the strongest.

And then answer the questions.

Is it true? Is he really too much? Are you positive he’s doing it wrong? Or not capable of learning or adjusting or exploring? Is he really too fast? Or too embarrassed?

Um, no. I can’t know any of that is really true.

How do you react when you think he’s doing it wrong? That he should change?

Pissed. Dismissive. Critical. Mean. Hopeless. Uninterested.

Even though this woman was very dedicated to her upbringing (quite conservatively religious) she was so willing to sit and consider these questions, even though she was embarrassed to even talk about all of it in the first place.

I was really moved by her courage.

Who would you be without that thought? I asked her, and she was very quiet.

Who would you be, if you didn’t know anything about what was right or wrong or good or bad, you just felt what was the truth for you?

Back to a central presence. A joyful kind of noticing of all the crazy, fun, wonderful ways we all exchange energy. No grabby feeling, no upset feeling, just full and open.

Able to speak, ask questions, say yes, say no, say when it feels good, or feels bad, or ask for what interests the other person.

Feelings can go up, down, change, stop, go again.

Without the thought that this means anything about YOU, about HIM, about what is about to happen or what will happen again?

It’s so thrilling, it’s entering the mysterious unknown, right here in this moment.

Without your thoughts about sexuality and what that gesture meant, what that look says, what this touch means….you get to feel what’s happening without expectation….and just see where it goes.

Turning the thoughts around:

  • I’m too aggressive, with my thoughts and fears
  • I never slow down internally to allow things to be as they are
  • I’m too hungry
  • I shouldn’t be so easily pleased, and he should be
  • I should try harder to please me
  • I need me to stop criticizing him, I need to stop criticizing myself
  • I shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about this

“There’s no intimacy when we’re in fear and there’s no love when we’re in fear, it’s there it just that our awareness of it is broken. So we experience this separateness, so what I invite people to do is to identify when they’re stressed out and they look at their relationship, you know love and sex and what we’re all talking about here in this particular time together. We look at what we’re believing about our partner, and that either turns us off or it turns us on, physically. So what we’re believing, our feelings are the effect of that.” ~ Byron Katie  

How is that person showing you something important, something really powerful for you, something you find so juicy, maybe difficult, but incredible to look at and learn?

It doesn’t mean you have to be sexual with him…but who would you be without your story?

Try it and see.

And for those who would LOVE to be in a small, private group doing The Work on sexuality, a new updated version of the 8-week teleclass begins soon Our Wonderful Sexuality.

July 30 – September 17, 2014 Wednesdays 9 – 10:30 am Pacific Time.  Click HERE to read more about it and to register. (Fee is $395 for 8 week telecourse).

See what keeps you from total ecstatic joy when it comes to sexual expression.

Much love, Grace

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Those Grabby Poly-Amory People

It was dark, raining, almost-freezing night with a light dusting of snow from the day before in people’s yards. I was driving from one caroling party, with lively songs, and beautiful voices, to a second party #2 which I knew almost nothing about except that a man I liked said I should come.

It was already about 10 pm, but I was wide awake and on this adventure. Even though parking and entering the big house was pretty scary for me, normally pretty quiet and shy.

Entering the house….I noticed string red lights and lots of darkness, and electronica type trance music.

Cut to 30 minutes later, with me LEAVING that party. I realized there was something going on with hook-ups or casual sex.

Those Poly-Amorous People. Gawd, what grabby hungry entertainment pleasure addicts!!

One of my favorite ways of discovering and unearthing my frightening thoughts has been to look in a very general way at my concerns or judgments against whole groups of people.

And then….once I see them all crowded around me, as if I was going to a big convention with Those People…I allow memories to surface as I ask myself WHY?

Oh yeah. That’s right. I could do The Work on Those People at that party.

First, I needed to identify what it was that I was actually believing that made me feel so uncomfortable.

What bothers me about them? What?

When we do this exercise in the YOI Group for a month….lots and lots of fascinating generalizations come out of the people participating.

Everyone identifies a LOT of interesting Whole Groups.

Like Nazi’s, drug sellers, con artists, the IRS, complainers, anti-Americans, animal abusers, gamblers, violent protesters, porn addicts, street gangs, pedophiles….

….what are yours?

But then, we’ve found it’s important to get specific. To dig in a little.

What does it mean, to be a member of one of these groups? And do I have a unique situation where I can examine more deeply what might have bothered me?

Oh do I have to? Can’t I just stay up here on the surface and be all critical and separate? It seems safer.

It’s not though.

Sigh.

What do Those People think, say, do or feel that I feel the most afraid of?

I see the scene from that party, a man leering in, looking like he’s starving and I am meat.

  • He wants to grab, consume, he can’t get enough, can’t stop, he demands
  • He doesn’t care what I think
  • He doesn’t care about me at all, unless I supply him with pleasure
  • He gets bored easily, he’s not interested in true intimacy
  • He’s addicted to merging

OK, good now to take a look at this deep separation, this judgment.

Is this true? Can I really know he thinks I’m meat?

I take a very deep breath. I’m realizing how angry I feel. I want to say “yes”.

Can I absolutely know that these things are true about him?

No. I don’t even KNOW this man. I had one interaction with him for literally 2 minutes.

I was bunching him into the box of THAT kind of guy. Those Men. But I really can’t know that he is what I am thinking about him.

Who would I be without the thought that he is grabby, doesn’t care about me, is an addict, isn’t interested in true intimacy (which I’m not even sure what that is) or that he can’t stop himself?

I’d probably laugh when he leaned in and said “let’s go upstairs!” And I don’t mean laugh with mocking….I mean laugh with surprise.

I’d think it was fascinating. Really? I could find out if I wanted to go upstairs…I don’t really know what it means now, do I?

Without these thoughts, I am free to go or stay or leave or do whatever I want or need at any moment. I could ask him more questions, ones that I would like to ask, like “why do you want to go upstairs?” or “what are your intentions?”

I turn all these thoughts around and discover myself, in all of them.

  • I want to grab, consume, I can’t get enough, can’t stop, I demand: yes, I’ve been this way with food, that’s for sure….my own form of pleasure and escape
  • I don’t care what I think: yes, I’ve made sure I’m nice when solicited, instead of direct and honest with NO
  • I don’t care about him at all, unless he supplies me with pleasure: yes, I would only have talked with him further if I had felt safe and pleased in his company 
  • I get bored easily, I’m not interested in true intimacy: well, I was outta there in minutes…I gave him no time at all, I was not interested in true intimacy
  • I’m addicted to merging: I wanted only to connect if it felt like we were simpatico, similar, amigos. Otherwise, I separated.

“Who would you be without the belief that those people should be civil and polite?…..Can you feel the pain of going through life dictating ‘they should this, they should that, they’d be better if’ and do it as if you KNOW, like ‘I’m the knower here!’ ” ~ Byron Katie

In the moment I think of Them as different, separate, wrong…uncomfortable to be around…

…maybe that’s a moment I am being invited to connect.

First, I make contact with myself and feel how happy I am being here, being me.

Then I connect with them as a human being, and perhaps I have something to say, perhaps I do not.

The feeling inside is compassion and clarity, not rage, or superiority.

All is well here, all is well.

Our Wonderful Sexuality begins in January on Tuesdays for 8 weeks. Join us if you feel burdened by these kinds of painful beliefs. You may find joyful freedom on the other side.

Love, Grace

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Throw Away Holiness, Wisdom, Morality and Justice

The first time I offered a teleclass for people wanting to do The Work on Sexuality (the next one starts on Mondays 10/21 by the way) I had lots of tentative but hopeful emails.

People asked questions like “Will it really be OK to share my judgments with perfect strangers?” or “What will we be discussing exactly?” or “I want to work on this with my husband…but it feels too private to talk about”.

Doing The Work on any judgment is difficult. Add sexual contact to the mix and its even harder.

But I’ve heard incredible work, right up on stage with hundreds of people in the audience, from courageous inquirers who sat with Byron Katie and looked at their troubling beliefs about sexual expression.

If you’re like me, you may have been raised in a family and culture in which we don’t talk about anything having to do with sex, except maybe in whispers with someone you really trust.

I don’t know about you….but not being able to even say a word that had to do with sex was pretty stressful….since it seemed like a lot of people might bethinking about it.

I love having every life situation be available for investigation with inquiry.

Even that moment when you were wondering, feeling, imagining, fantastizing something frightening or something pleasant.

The interesting thing about sexuality is that it really isn’t that different from any other topic when it comes to inquiring into the moment that brings on stress.

It’s a wonderful venue for asking questions about attraction, rejection, saying yes, saying no, noticing what you desire or find repulsive….

….the very same kinds of questions we experience every day when it comes to pleasure, desire, needing, wanting, love, food, money, friendship, work, hunger, thirst.

A thought comes along, then an impulse to do something, get something.

If it’s all beautiful and peaceful and loving, then you know it. It all feels good, and kind.

But sometimes those impulses or thoughts feel like commands or orders.

I MUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS, NOW.

The first step is to bring to mind a situation that felt worrisome, annoying, where you felt mixed up or nervous, bad about your attraction or someone else’s attraction….that’s the stressful situation.

I have one in mind.

While this situation is not uncommon and it appears to be alive since humans existed….it is nevertheless a source of great judgment and angst.

I felt attraction towards someone while being clearly and solidly in a committed relationship with someone else.

It was like I was committing a sin deserving of crushing punishment.

Why couldn’t I just be happy with my primary partner?

I thought all kinds of terrible, frightening thoughts:

  • if my partner knew I was attracted to someone else, he would be sad, disappointed, rejected
  • if this came out into the open, my life would change for the worse
  • this means I’m not monogamous, or happy
  • this means I’m sick, out of control, stupid, ignorant and could ruin my life based on physical attraction which means nothing in the long run
  • if my friends knew about this, they would lump me together with the “wrong” people like those affair-having people
  • people who act on their physical desires are not wise

Oh boy. Lots of very shaming thoughts.

Very good for inquiry.

Is it true that feeling physical attraction for another human MEANS that you’re unwise, being risky, hurting someone, sick, stupid, ignorant, creating disappointment, or wrong?

I mean, did I make that feeling of attraction arise?

This is really wonderful to consider.

I often thought that if I had a difficult feeling then I needed to fix it. Or act on it.

Do something. Satisfy it, change it, eliminate it.

How do I react when I believe that I shouldn’t be attracted to someone, or that other people shouldn’t be attracted to whomever they are actually attracted to?

I protest. I feel fear. It feels like secrets are on the loose. My attractions, other peoples’ attractions…all dangerous. They could pop up at any moment, unexpectedly! Yikes!

How do I react when I believe that attraction needs to be controlled, that its wild and unruly and damaging is that I suppress it, keep it to myself….or I get afraid of it arising in other people?

They’ll go crazy if they get attracted…to other people or to me! It will be like Romeo and Juliet, destructive, sad, horrible, too much, painful.

People kill themselves over this stuff.

So who would I be if I didn’t believe the thoughts that having a feeling of attraction means I’m wrong, or anyone else is wrong?

Without the feeling that it needs to be satisfied, or acted on, or deleted, or fixed?

What if its just there, a feeling of great pleasure, washing through the mind, flowing through the body?

Without the thought that there’s anything wrong with having a feeling of attraction, I notice there is no need for secrets, no need to keep it locked down.

I’m enjoying myself. No need to act.

I notice attraction comes and goes and is never static.

I notice attraction has no concern for what the mind things it “should” feel attraction for.

Without the thought that feeling attraction is bad, I feel free. My heart feels joyful.

And I notice beyond all identity, I have no idea what I am, because there is an alive attraction for so many beautiful people of all ages, sizes, genders.

When I turn the thought around I find how true it is that an attraction I feel is good, and right.

And so is that other person’s attraction, whether directed towards me or directed towards someone else.

Good that all the waves of appreciation, attraction, pleasure are flying through the universe.

  • if my partner knew I was attracted to someone else, he would be happy, encouraged, interested
  • if this came out into the open, my life would change for the best
  • this doesn’t mean I’m not monogamous, or happy
  • this means I’m healthy, in control, brilliant, wise and could expand my life based on physical attraction
  • if my friends knew about this, they’d have their opinions
  • when I act on my physical desire, it is not wise

“You’re having sex with him in your mind and thinking how terrible [or how good] that is. You tell the story, over and over, of what it’s like having sex with your husband. That story is what’s repelling you, not your husband. Sex without a story has never repelled anyone. It just is what it is. You’re having sex or you’re not. It’s our thoughts about sex that repel us.” ~ Byron Katie 

Not having a nervous reaction about a feeling of sexual attraction, not going into fantasies or hallucinations, not using thoughts to repel or attract myself, or make myself wrong or right?

Oh, how lovely. How peaceful. How exciting!

What if you are OK, just the way you are, with your attraction, wondering, curiosity, watching, noticing, being, allowing?

What if you can trust who you are at the core?

“Throw away holiness and wisdom, and people will be a hundred times happier. Throw away morality and justice, and people will do the right thing. Throw away industry and profit and there won’t be any thieves. If these aren’t enough, just stay at the center of the circle and let all things take their course.” ~ Tao Te Ching #19

The teleclass our Wonderful Sexuality begins Monday, Oct. 21st and I am taking registrations for both 8 am and 5:15 pm Pacific time. Maybe only one of those times will be when the class actually meets, so write and let me know which one you’d prefer.

Much love, Grace

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Mentioning The Unmentionable

I’m switching the Our Wonderful Sexuality to 5:15-6:45 pm on Mondays, starting October 21st, since many of you are interested but couldn’t take the class at the 8 am Pacific time.

Speaking of sexuality…..eewww.

Do we have to?

It’s quite startling how this topic, which touches everyone alive really, has a sort-of weird undercover secretive cloud hanging over it.

At least for me, growing up we weren’t really supposed to talk about it. You weren’t supposed to ask too many questions or share too many stories.

The unmentionable subject.

Even though everyone’s interested in it.

Sexuality is a vulnerable, intimate life experience with a huge variety of norms and interests and attractions or repulsions for humans.

When it feels like freedom, there is usually very little stress involved…..the feeling inside is comfortable, perhaps thrilled, positive, genuine, creative, safe, joyful and loving.

But often, there are indeed stressful thoughts.

When I began dating after fifteen years in a monogamous relationship, many thoughts and feelings that had existed below the surface (or that I stuffed under the surface) came exploding out into the light of day.

Just meeting with someone for a date seemed to create fear…but also excitement, anticipation and eagerness for connection.

But what was that fear part?

The way to put words to the fear, and see it more clearly, is to identify a painful situation, a difficult or troubling moment, that you have actually experienced.

No, this does not have to be rape, incest, violence, affairs…..although if you’ve had these kinds of experiences, they are amazing situations for questioning your beliefs, and your inquiry can open you to your present power.

The situation you may notice discomfort around, that involves sexuality or sexual contact or implying something sexual, may be something completely low key, small, a minor communication or even a “look” from someone.

That’s your situation. You may have many. Pick just one.

I remember noticing a man who to me was very attractive. I knew he was going to be at a birthday party I was attending. I didn’t know him very well.

At the party, right when I arrived, he looked super happy and dropped his current conversation, took my hand as I approached, put his hand on my back, and led me to a far corner of the room.

This was great at first. But then some comments arose in the conversation. The whole connection became sort of, well, CRAZY STRESSFUL for me.

  • he is pushing too hard for sex in this conversation
  • he wants sex NOW, like, wherever it could happen, immediately
  • he’s creepy
  • I need to escape
  • I can’t trust my attractions, this man is a jerk (rats)
  • there’s a lot more to life than sex, but he seems to think it’s Number 1
  • he wouldn’t be talking with me if he wasn’t attracted to me, so he cares only about the sexual attraction
  • he’s too aggressive, demanding, wants too much, too quickly

Similar kinds of thoughts can enter into a long-term relationship with someone you care about, know well, or even live with….maybe with more subtle language or different wording.

Maybe your stressful thoughts are around being bored, doing the same thing all the time, feeling unsatisfied, wanting more, different, better, less.

Or right in the middle of a sexual encounter…maybe your thoughts are full of what should or shouldn’t be happening, what you long for, what you miss, or what just happened a split second ago that you didn’t like.

Once you identify these thoughts, you can take them to inquiry.

I loved having a facilitator who I was so comfortable with when I started doing The Work very earnestly, I knew she didn’t reject me for having such thoughts….or for using words that described sexual body parts or sexual terms like “orgasm”.

OK, I said it.

Let’s do The Work.

Is it true that it’s embarrassing, shameful, or weird to talk about sexual encounters with people?

Yeah! Of course it’s embarrassing! This is private, personal information!

Are you positive that speaking of your ideas, concerns and feelings about sexuality it is worthy of shame?

And is what you are concerned about actually true?

Damn straight it’s true!

He IS too aggressive, he IS making too many sexual comments.

Is it absolutely true? Beyond a shadow of a doubt?

No. I actually don’t really know. I haven’t asked what he means, or what he wants, or what he’s thinking. At all.

When I believe all the thoughts I think, and then also, think it’s wrong to bring them up (or dangerous) then I’m trapped in a loop.

VERY STRESSFUL.

Who would you be without the thoughts that you should be ashamed of yourself? Or that he is being too pushy, or that you need to escape?

I’m no longer frozen. I say “this is not really doing it for me, I don’t feel comfortable…when you just said that, did that, looked that way, I felt afraid.”

Without the belief that I shouldn’t talk about sexuality, I talk about it.

I look at the turnarounds, oh boy:

  • I am pushing too hard for no-sex in this conversation
  • I want connection NOW, like, wherever it could happen, immediately on MY TERMS
  • I’m creepy – I have my demand, secret desires, beliefs, wants that I’m not sharing and I’m also super judgmental
  • I need to stay right here and be truthful
  • I can trust my attractions, this man is interesting, and my attractions morph and change
  • there’s a lot more to life than sex, but I seem to think it’s Number 1
  • I wouldn’t be talking with him if I wasn’t attracted to him, so I care only about the sexual attraction
  • I’m too aggressive, demanding, want too much, too quickly – yes, look how I boss him around in my mind with my expectations

“Until you can see the enemy as a friend, your Work is not done.This doesn’t mean that you have to invite him to dinner. Friendship is an internal experience. You may never see him again, you may even divorce him, but as you think about him, are you feeling stress or peace?” ~ Byron Katie

When I begin to speak up, say what I think, ask questions when I have them, say what I’m assuming, ask for what I want….

…in the spirit of love and kindness, laughter arises.

And great freedom.

No need to defend, protect myself, worry.

Even in this sensitive topic of sexuality….fun, play, ease.

Join the class in October if you’d like to examine some of the little (or big) stressful thoughts about sexual expression, an important sexual relationship you’re in, or past uncomfortable experiences.

“Love becomes a source of suffering when the transcendental is missing. How does the transcendent come in? By being spacious with the other. Which essentially means that you access the Stillness in yourself while you look at the other.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Much Love, Grace

Posted on

Getting Personal–Questioning Beliefs About Sexuality

I have heard from so many people about their reflections on their relationship with money. Thank you all for writing and sharing with me, seriously. It’s fascinating!

What about that other pesky topic that is unmentionable, when it really gets down to sharing the “facts”.

Sexuality, lovers, being physical, touch, making contact with other humans, attraction.

When I was single for several years after a 16 year marriage, it was the weirdest thing to suddenly become aware of all the fears, worries, doubts, misunderstandings, desires, wants, panic and confusion around attraction, dating, expectations, saying yes or saying no to others.

The whole entire arena of sexuality appeared unsafe, and rather dramatic.

Attraction isn’t to be trusted! Bad things happen…just look at Romeo and Juliet, Helena of Troy, Bill Clinton, relationships ending or changing forever. People killing themselves over all this!

People go nuts, they lose their minds, they make stupid decisions, they get irrational, they get addicted to pleasure.

I was one of them.

Even though it felt really difficult, I began to find great wonder in investigation of any belief that appeared that was uncomfortable around pleasure, attraction, interest, noticing others, and communicating with people to tell them what I was thinking.

I discovered that there were some very painful beliefs I held from my far distant past, learned in childhood, about sexuality. Beliefs agreed upon in my culture.

I had never bothered to question them.

All I knew before inquiry is that I felt really nervous in romantic encounters, not very grounded, worried about taking care of myself, worried about the other person and their intentions or lack of intentions.

One of the simplest but most uncomfortable set of thoughts that I had was “this is right, and that is wrong.” 

There was a list for both sides.

Here is when being sexual is right…and over here is when being sexual is wrong. Lots of people agree on the lists, depending on where you live or what your cultural conditioning has been.

It seemed at the time that I believed practically 100% that relationships, attraction and sexuality and what these offered were fun, but also danger zones because people (and I) could do something on the “wrong” list….and then someone would be hurt!

It’s true, it’s true! People get so hurt! People cry, gnash their teeth, feel unrequited love, feel obsessive, feel rejected, lose their rational mind, are full of wanting, regret, grabby, demanding, despairing!

I did The Work on men, dating, sex, attraction, stalking, desiring, saying yes, saying no.

I did The Work on the worst situations I had ever heard about, whatever caused me internal sadness or pain or fear; violence connected with sex, children being abused, pornography, hyper-sexuality, insatiable people, addictive sexuality, neediness, religious control around sexuality.

I noticed that many of the stories I had heard, the things people warned about, or the actual events I had encountered, shaped my life as a sexual being….without even knowing it.

Question Four in The Work during self-inquiry is: Who would you be without this thought? Who would you be without your story, in this situation?

When I answered this question in The Work on sexual behavior and beliefs, I felt the unknown mystery, emptiness.

No rules, no dogma, no right, no wrong.

A slowness, a caring. No compulsive urge. No neediness. No demanding. People could come or go, be attracted or not, say yes or say no.

When I answered who I would be, as a dating woman interested in men, without my stories about wrong and right…I didn’t shut down, get so scared.

I didn’t know the answers, and I trusted my internal NO or YES much quicker.

More freedom, more curiosity.

More awareness of something entirely beyond the human body, beyond sensual pleasure, or feelings.

“As long as the conditioned mind operates and you are completely identified with it, there’s no true love. There may be substitutes, things that are called “love” but are not true love…..The important thing is that true love emanates from the timeless, non-formal dimension of who you are…….complete identification with form is ego.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Finding out what you really believe in any given moment or situation with someone….about sexual contact, attraction, feelings, desire….and then inquiring into these troubling or opposing beliefs, can make the world a most amazing, interesting place.

It calmed down my feelings of intensity, relaxed thoughts that said “I have to!” or “he should!”

Everything became much softer, and yet, for me, more sweet and powerful all at once.

But wait!

Back to the drama! I must have a big theatrical wild sensational orgasmic feelings! There must be roller coasters and chaos and desperation and an exciting story!

Not.

Back to self-inquiry, back to investigation, to understanding, to forgiveness, awareness.

Sexuality, like all other areas of inquiry, has been like a pendulum swinging.

At first, very wide big far-reaching swings, believing my thoughts, having a hissy fit reaction to what people did or said.

And then the more inquiry, the less the pendulum swings. The more relaxation.

“Freedom is not necessarily exciting; it’s just free. Very peaceful and quiet, so very quiet. Of course, it is also filled with joy and wonder, but it is not what you imagine. It is much, much less.” ~ Adyashanti 

If you notice stressful beliefs about dating, your lover(s), your spouse, expectations around sexuality, physical touch….whether you are single and alone, or partnered for many years…and you want focused time to identify your beliefs and question them, then join us on Fridays, starting next week.

We make a sacred, honorable, confidential space to write our judgments down and take them to inquiry, all via teleconference calls.

Just audio, not video. Freedom to speak what you think, and inquire.

Who would you be without your story that sexuality or attraction, or what happend to you in the past, or the dangers of sexuality, or lackof sexuality, is a problem?

I love continuing to find out.

Love, Grace

  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Thursdays, July 11 – August 29, 2013, 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
  • Our Wonderful Sexuality: A Safe Place For Inquiry on Painful Thoughts About Sexuality. Fridays, July 12 – August 30, 2013 Noon – 1:30 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
  • Mini Retreats Seattle. Saturdays 1:30-5:30 pm. 2013: 8/10, 10/19, 11/30, 1:30-5:30 pm. 2014 Mini Retreats: 1/18, 3/8, 5/3, 10/11, 12/6/14. 4 CEUs can be earned. Goldilocks Cottage. $70 includes intensive, handouts, tea and snacks, $55 repeater rate.  Click here to register for mini-retreats
  • Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Who’s Bugging You? Parent, Child, Spouse, Partner, Boss, Client…bring them. September 12 – November 7, 2013 8 – 9:30 am PT Register Here.
  • Pain, Sickness and Death: The Worst That Can Happen. Fridays, September 13 – October 25, 2013 10-11:30 am PT. 6 week teleclass. Register Here.
  • Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend! Seattle, December 14-15, 2013 10 am – 9 pm Sat and 10 am – 5 pm Sun. Stay tuned for details coming soon.

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