Category: Sexuality

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Questioning The Worst

Hi all, Our Wonderful Sexuality teleclass is almost full! It starts April 20th, Fridays for 8 weeks.

I have found that thoughts about sexuality can be almost taboo to discuss….but as I have seen, the world is a reflection of my own thinking and I turned out to be the person who put a taboo on it.

Now, it seems pretty easy to talk about, to tell the truth about, and inquire into.

Anything that seems worrisome, shaming, secretive, frightening, confusing is built that way because of our stories that we’ve learned about it. Our thoughts are telling us what is right, what is wrong, what we should or shouldn’t think about, what we should condemn or accept, what we need.

After I had done the Work for a little while at the beginning, I had a question that many people have: if I really love reality, if I love what is happening, then will I just be putting up with things passively?

When I first read Loving What Is, I was stunned at the piece in the book where Katie does the Work with a woman who had been sexually molested in childhood. How could anyone ever love what is in THAT situation?

What if we do the Work and find peace around very painful human experiences like this one, the ones that are so terrible we can hardly talk about them? Does this mean I am accepting it, or condoning it? Don’t we have to get furious or powerful to stop such things?

But I found when I start to believe my frightened mind and I am disgusted with what is happening, when I am feeling shock, regret, rage….or when I am feeling worried, annoyed or only a tiny bit anxious….this is not peace. It is not love. It is war, and the war RAGES around in me.

I have found that questioning the nervous or terrifying places in my thinking brings about openness. It’s like something relaxes in my body and new possibilities exist.

I have found it to be true that there is an opposite way of living than fighting against any of these things we really feel scared of or confused by.

The alternative is to expect reality NOT to follow your plan. As Katie mentions in Loving What Is, I realize I have no idea what’s going to happen next. Life exists beyond my schemes and expectations.

Questioning the thoughts that you start thinking when you run into a rough patch in life, or when you’re in the middle of real intimacy with someone close and it’s not working out very well can change the quality of your whole experience.

When something seems terrible or embarrassing or disgusting, write down the thought and then ask the four questions and turn the thought around.

Get someone to facilitate you!

Who knows what you will be like with that person who used to scare you or disgust you, with that group of people who are perverse or don’t do what you want.

Your newfound peace may alter the world in ways you don’t know. It will change your own life, as you will no longer feel the need to defend yourself, or attack anyone else.

Now that I have questioned the worst things I could imagine, I find the world to be a safer place. Funny how that happened!

Join us in the next teleclass if it’s right for you! Click link below to sign up.

Appreciation for Fellow Travelers: 

I continue to be amazed how the topic of sex just brings up core beliefs which help me in all areas of my life once questioned. Love this class, and appreciate everyone. Thank you all!—Alison, Pacific Northwest USA

Much Love, Grace

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Sexuality Class #2

Wow again. I’m so grateful.

We just finished sexuality teleclass #2, and it such a blessing to have a
forum, a sanctuary, a safe haven with dear friends…

…to bring light into darkness and pain…as we question our thoughts.

Because no matter the topic–food, relationships, sex, money–whatever
we hide and are ashamed of, it’s always painful.

But it just seems that sex has more thoughts-per-square inch
than other topics…even though I know it’s not true.

Today it ALL seemed to come up…

-desperate needing
-using sex for love
-using sex for stress management
-wanting people to like us (both women and men)
-thinking “we or they” are perverted (both men and women)
-first noticing our bodies as kids
-taking advantage of others and ourselves (both women and men)
-masturbation (both women and men)

So much per square inch…both pain and pleasure.

It’s so painful when our natural curiosity, fascination, impulses,
fun, and goodness are turned IN on ourselves as accusation,
shame, humiliation, hiding, and desperate pretending.

On the other hand, being in question #4 and then turning it around…

There’s gentleness, passion, hilarity, pleasure, love, goofiness (that’s me)
and laughing at ourselves…and having another playground to explore.

We even talked about our male and female “equipment” and letting it
have its life…

…like watching people just do what they do without judgment…
what IS… as if watching as aliens from another planet and just
seeing what this interesting species is all about.

It’s such a freeing perspective not to analyze every little breath we take
and criticize every thought and impulse…which is soooo exhausting!

And not very good foreplay, either!

It’s hard to have fun or passion with your THINKING
looking over your shoulder with a scowl…tapping it’s foot…
ready to rap your knuckles if you put an eyelash out of line.

So be gentle with yourself with everything sexual about you…your
shape, your smell, your thoughts, your desires, your “equipment!”

Sending love and acceptance and fun,

Grace

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Odd Number Sexuality Group

Just a quick note about the new “wonderful sexuality” class
that started Thursday morning.

(And it’s OK if your sexuality, sex life, partner…doesn’t seem so
“wonderful” at the moment-that’s what the classes are all
about…inquiring into the “un-wonderfulness” we all experience).

We’ve got an odd number and I’d like to be able to pair
everyone up for the exercises where we work together during the week.

And…I know there were a number of people who were “on the
fence” about schedules, time zones, and whether they could fit
it in with work and family.

So if you wanted to join us, but something came up, we have one
spot available since it’s an odd number right now…and I’d love
to have you in this amazing group.

It doesn’t matter if you’re new to The Work or a “seasoned
veteran,” as we have a number of people (5 countries represented)
who are in facilitator training and also folks who are just getting the
hang of the 4 questions. There are also some first timers to my
teleclasses and some who’ve been in several.

It’s actually GREAT to have the diversity, as we all think
eachother’s thoughts and learn from each other.

I can’t think of how many times I’ve heard Katie tell everyone
to start at the beginning (even people 10 years in The Work)
…as if we’re brand new, babes in the woods, with no ideas
or preconceived notions about what’s “supposed” to happen.

So everyone’s welcome.

Because we’re always NEW anyway. We’re NEW with every
inquiry we do…every time we ask that simple question,
“Is it true?” and wait for the answer.

The mind shifts…so our vision shifts…so the world shifts
and it’s always kinder.

Give me a call if you’re interested. You’ll pay for
the 7 classes that are left and I’ll talk to you for about 15
minutes to get you “caught up.”

We’re not recording the class so that everyone feels safe
and free to get to the deepest things they want to question.

But that doesn’t mean you have to “spill your guts,” either.

You’re always free to share whatever you feel is right for you.

Also, from my notes, I’m also putting together a short synopsis of the
class (NO NAMES…NO SPECIFICS…NO REVEALING DETAILS)
so that everyone has a reference and record of some of the concepts
we explored during the class, since there is no recording.

Wishing you love, peace, acceptance, some belly laughs, and
at least one person to drive you crazy…so you go sane 🙂

Grace

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Alumni in New Sexuality Teleclass

Two quick fun things about Thursday’s new sexuality class.

One is my no-secret secret. The other is that 2 of the members
are “alumni”…meaning, they’ve been in other classes of mine.

I love, love, love, love that…because we’re already friends,
and we just go deeper and deeper…together.

Friends who we can tell ANYTHING about ourselves…
the “worst” things about us (Question 3: fears, discomfort, shame)…

…and the best (Question 4) the natural comfort with our bodies, the
curiosity, the pleasure of touch, excitement, passion, attraction, and peace.

The no-secret secret is that sometimes people in my classes think
THEY are getting a lot out of the class and I’M doing the
facilitating as my “job.”

But it’s the most wonderful thing in the world for ME, too.

I do my own work with everyone, as they’re doing theirs. And
having a variety of people means we can find those places
in ourselves we might not have thought of before.

For me, it’s like being given minute-by-minute gifts…for hours
every day…of more and more freedom and peace.

Like Byron Katie says: “Just when you think
your life can’t get any better…it DOES.”

So I’m grateful for all the people in my classes (I’m also flattered
my returning “alumni” want to do more with me!)

Here are more topics that come up, besides the ones from yesterday’s e-mail:

  • needing, pleasing, wanting…desperately and endlessly (then hating yourself for being a “doormat”)
  • thinking sex will “fill” you…though it never truly does
  • giving and giving without receiving what you need
  • wondering if there shouldn’t be something more to sex
  • feeling embarrassed about your body: too fat, skinny, weird shape (of embarrassing parts), clumsiness, smells, secretions
  • trying to get (well-deserved) approval but not believing it when you do
  • can’t stop thinking about your body image so it’s interfering with sex and actually “being there” with your partner (this was a BIG one for me, I preferred sex in the dark before inquiry)

Groups are great, because you get to hear that everybody’s got
the same crazy jumble and tumble of thoughts that you do…
…and the relief when you reveal something horrible and no
one even thinks it’s a big deal-except YOU!

It’s so amazing when the BIG terrors and deep-dark stuff
isn’t even a blip on someone else’s radar–IT’S JUST A THOUGHT!

Much love and fun and peace with your sexuality,

Grace

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Flat Out Lizard Drinking

I love the Aussies, the Kenyans, the Japanese,
the French, the English, the Mexicans, the Dutch.

I love the folks I get to meet from around the world
at the Byron Katie events and on my teleclasses.

I love how we can all connect, from all over
the globe, on the internet with Skype and conference calls.

I also love the “lizard” thing, from one of my Aussie
companions on this journey, who I met in a teleclass.

In Aussie-speak, “flat out like a lizard drinking,”
means being VERRRRRRRRRRRRY busy.

Hilarious!

Which is great, because even though the teleclasses are
sometimes dealing with the most painful, gut-wrenching
things we can possibly go through…

…sometimes there’s a lot of goofing around, laughter,
loving teasing, and kidding.

And sometimes, after the teleclasses, group members
even stay in touch and keep doing The Work together.

In my teleclasses, there are writers, professionals,
unemployed, other facilitators, doctors, people going through
bankruptcy, therapists, actors, business owners, factory workers,
homemakers, students.

And no matter where your pain is coming from and what
you do in life, we all think the same thoughts.

It’s so freeing to be an “ordinary” human being…even
with the “worst” problems imaginable.

To realize you’re not better or worse, higher or lower.

Check the links below to see what fits your life best in
my teleclasses…the next one to start, next Tuesday,
focuses on food, eating, and body image. Then there’s a
great one on Sex and Sexuality starting next Thursday Jan. 19th.

Click on the link and send me an email to let me know which
class you’re signing on with.

We’ll be Flat Out Lizard Drinking with The Work, and let
everything else relax.

Much love to all, Grace