Month: August 2014

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I’m The Only One Who Does This

I had to chuckle yesterday….because two men wrote me who are interested in joining Year of Inquiry but they were worried about being the only man.

Men are so welcome!

In fact, they are often a part of retreats, meetups, and many teleclasses I’ve taught over time.

It is interesting that not as many men show up as women to do The Work…and there could be all kinds of reasons.

But who would you be without your thoughts about men, or women, or fitting in?

When I first began doing The Work in earnest it was soooo powerful to do The Work on my perceptions of people, including groups of people….all men, all women, rich people, poor people, indigenous people, vegetarian people, midwesterners, New Yorkers, people from every race and culture all over the planet.

It’s funny how the mind loves to define a group, and categorize them, and add descriptors the more you learn and know.

Then you use those descriptors as definitions to match up against some other situation, another moment, in which those people are doing what they’re doing. And BAM, you have proof of the truth.

It’s The Way They Are.

Instead…when you have a global collection of thoughts about a type of person…you could question it.

Why question it?

Because it’s so incredibly fun on the other side. So mind-blowing, so opening, so expansive, so mysterious and unknown and wild on the other side of belief.

So you have a thought “I will be the only one (man, woman, white, black, asian, divorced, old, short, straight)”. 

Along with that kind of thought you feel separated, uncomfortable, like you’re in foreign territory.

How do you react when you have that “I’m the only one” belief?

A memory.

I’m pulling into the school parking lot. My hands suddenly feel shaky. I sound fake-chipper as I say “OK kids!” but my children are already getting out of the car, opening both doors in the back, jumping out.

They disappear across the playground. I stand beside the car for a moment, watching my children until they disappear, and then continue to watch all the kids stream in from buses, cars, heading for classroom doors.

I’m volunteering today, for the first time in over two years. Helping in the classroom for an hour.

I haven’t been here in awhile.

I have the thought “everyone will know I’m divorced.”

I’m the rotten, unlucky, loser mother who couldn’t stay married. They’ll have questions in their eyes, but they won’t ask because it’s not polite. They’ll feel sorry for me. The administrative staff won’t expect me to be around much. They’ll think I’m unreliable. Even if they don’t know what happened, they will think it’s bad. No one will want to get to know me.

How do you think I behaved when I believed that thought?

Quiet, smiling too much, unsteady and very uncertain anxiety all around me. Totally uncomfortable.

Who might I have been without all those separating stressful beliefs as I entered the school?

Who would you be without the thought that you’re the only one? That you know what they are thinking…and it’s bad?

Without the belief that I know what other people are thinking about me, I calm way down. I vibrate much slower, calmer, gentler.

When I hold still, and feel what it’s like without these kinds of worrisome thoughts, I notice something quite amazing.

I notice I adore these people. Without my beliefs about what they think of me, I find them beautiful. I feel joy about being with them, a centered, grounded, calm happiness.

Even with strangers, this happens! How remarkable!

Turning the thoughts around: I am not alone, I am infinitely connected and a part of a great, living, whole universe.

I am connected to the secretary, the teacher, the other parents I see in the hallways, the kids running by, the carpet, the windows, the table, the sounds of voices, the colors.

Without the thought that I am alone, the only one, the one who is different…I feel trusting, I let go.

I am grateful.

I turn the thought around again….I am the one who is believing I am bad. I am the one who is worried, upset, ashamed, nervous about who I am.

I am the one who thinks I am a failure, that I did something wrong, that I could be doing better.

Turn it around:

I’m the fresh, lucky, winning mother who did not to stay married. They will or won’t have questions, and some will easily ask and others won’t even think of it, no big deal. They’ll feel excited for me. They’ll expect great things with me and for me. They’ll think I’m reliable. Even if they don’t know what happened, they will think it’s wonderful. Everyone will want to get to know me. 

Haha, now isn’t that more fun? And just as possible?

It’s all imagination.

“Think left and think right and think low and think high! Oh the things you can think up if only you try!” ~ Dr. Seuss

That’s what we do with The Work. We question our stressful, all-alone thinking, and open up to a whole new world of possibility.

Even if someone has said directly to you that you are an awful person and they hate you….can you start to imagine who you would be without the belief that it’s true?

You don’t have to go all the way to ecstatic gratitude or a huge feeling of love. This is open, blank, unknown awareness.

But you may be surprised. It may be easier than you think.

“The visionary starts with a clean sheet of paper, and re-imagines the world.” ~ Malcolm Gladwell

It all starts with questioning your painful thoughts.

If you are thinking of Year of Inquiry, there are still those two spots left…and these can be filled by any gender, any race, any age, any country, any time zone.

If you aren’t able to afford YOI right now, or wouldn’t be able to commit to a whole year, I have other ways you can be supported by The Work: shorter classes and calls you can join, meetups in Seattle and online retreats coming soon.

You can get what you need to question your troubling thoughts. You really can.

“I’ve been in many of Grace’s groups over the last 3 years, and am often the only “guy.” But it’s been fabulous on so many levels…to heal my own issues about relationships with both women AND men…and myself. I love Grace. And the groups are so supportive. I don’t know what I would have done with so many major changes in my life over the last few years. Hi to all the friends I’ve made as we’ve continued our life journeys together.” ~ Jack, Year of Inquiry 2013 

Much Love, Grace

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Never Stop Trying, Change The World

keepgoingWWGI can hardly believe it. Something good has happened. Something I was dreaming of happening for a long time.

Beyond expectation, really.

Have you ever had that experience?

You’ve been working towards something, running, stepping back, carrying on….and something wonderful happens.

A dream, come true.

You say while shaking your head and tearing up with the sheer joy of it….“wow, this is amazing, I can hardly believe it!”

One of my dreams is gathering many together in community, growing a practice, creating things that help people….

….and it’s happening.

I’m almost full for the Year of Inquiry program starting next week, like bursting full of truly incredible people.

I should probably replace the word “people” with “women” because we are all women. Women flying from several parts of the country for the retreats, women from Seattle. Women from England, Germany, Spain, Canada, some enrolled in the teleclass portion only.

Women who are already certified facilitators in The Work, many women who have attended The School for The Work, and women brand new to The Work.

I feel like my peeps are showing up, ready to practice deeply looking.

Together.

That’s what we’re doing….and it has strength and wonder in it.

I’ve worked with many people who have dreams for their future, secret wishes (or not so secret), visions.

They’d truly love to find a mate, to end the Not Enough story, to feel close with their teens, to be entirely healthy, to run a thriving business, to publish a book, to stop obsessing, to visit that other country, to loose all their extra weight, to love themselves, to make a decent living, to become enlightened.

They might feel like months, years go by but little or not enough “progress”.

Not there yet. Lots of effort. Not making it fast enough. Gotta figure this out.

But who would you be without the belief that you could never achieve that thing, or have what you desire or picture?

Without the belief that you can’t, or it’s too hard, or you don’t have enough time, or money, or you’re just too tired, or too old, or missing something?

Without those thoughts I notice how I keep living, dreaming, creating, trying different paths, without the belief that movement towards something is futile.

Today.

I keep discovering ideas. I keep writing. I keep working, I keep loving all the people I connect with, I keep going.

I keep refining, joyfully, myself…..as service.

Sometimes people think they shouldn’t want stuff, like cars, or fame, or being the creator of something helpful, or awakening.

“I just won’t want that, ever again…I’ll give up having desire!”

Who would you be without that story?

I’d be noticing that I am not the one running things around here. I move, life moves, everything unfolding in perfect order. A deep knowing in my heart that if I died tomorrow, I’m doing just what I most love to do today.

Only today.

If you have dreams of achieving, getting there, finding that, arriving, accomplishing….

….who would you be without any belief at all about having to get there, about needing to be THERE (in the future) in order to be truly happy?

“I say, skip the middleman, and be happy and free from where you are right now….The whole world is simply MY story, projected back to me on the screen of my own perception. All of it.” ~ Byron Katie

When I question my thinking, investigate what is really true, break apart and look with a flashlight inside these stressful thoughts….

….it is sincerely not necessary to have or gain that thing in the future.

And then, oh weird, that thing I wanted comes forth, or something even better.

“Spirituality begins when you decide that you’ll never stop trying. Spirituality is the commitment to go beyond yourself every minute of every day for the rest of your life….Eventually you will realize that it cannot actually hurt you to go beyond your psychological limits. If you are willing to just stand at the edge and keep walking, you will go beyond….Go beyond where you were a minute ago by handling what’s happening now.”~ Michael Singer

Feel your great desires today. Love them with all your heart, in this moment right now. Question your stressful thinking about what feels scary, or difficult.

I know you can do it, because I’m doing it.

And I am no different from you.

And although it is totally unnecessary, if you’re drawn because you love this investigation, there are two spots left in Year of Inquiry. We start next week.

A collective group of people who are conscious of living in the soup of conditioned beliefs passed along from generation to generation…..and who want to question them and find out the truth.

Question your thinking, change your world.

Much love, Grace

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Your Biggest Grudge Of All

The other day, I had the thought, “I’m the exact same way I’ve always pinkflowerbeen…how depressing.”

Still too reactive, still caught in my stories, still totally confused by what the heck is going on around here, not understanding what is actually right or wrong, and full of concerns about things like survival, paying bills, and my kids getting in car accidents.

And before the thoughts were even over, before the body was revving up into full blown feeling, I almost wanted to start laughing.

What a goof ball.

But if you ever have that kind of discouraging thought, and don’t think it’s really that funny…you can see if that thought is really true.

The mind loves the drama….ALWAYS, NEVER, CAN’T, MIGHT, SHOULD.

Who needs a Shakespeare play (I’m going to Richard III next Friday night, incidentally) when we’ve got disaster, resignation, death threats, grief, sadness and despair all in the course of oh, say, five minutes?

You’re supposed to change.

Really? Are you sure?

Yeah. Duh!

It must be me. If only I thought differently, reacted differently and FELT differently, my life would be….well….different.

How do you react when you think that thought that you’re supposed to change? That the way you are is screwy or messed up, and by the way, you should have also changed a long time ago—how old did you say you were again?

Knife. In. Gut.

Who would you be without that belief, that you’re supposed to be different, get your act together and change? That your MIND is supposed to be something other than it is?

(That mind, it takes a lot of shizite, from itself doesn’t it?)

Hmmmm. Without the thought that I should be any different, in any way whatsoever?

Holy smokes, that’s a strange and unusual thing to imagine. Not having any thought that I should change, or it should change, or they should change?

Just here. Right now.

Sitting on my couch, writing this note, hearing an eagle chirp in the tree outside, hearing an airplane in the far distance, feeling smoothness on fingertips as they tap.

“Inquiry is more than a technique: it brings to life, from deep within us, an innate aspect of our being. When practiced for a while, inquiry takes on its own life within you. It appears whenever thoughts appear, as their balance and their mate. This internal partnership leaves you free to live as a kind, fluid, fearless, amused listener, a student of yourself, and a friend who can be trusted not to resent, criticize, or hold a grudge.” ~ Byron Katie

Can you not hold a grudge against yourself, just for a second? Or even just imagine not holding one? Can you allow yourself to be just as you are, and accept whole-heartedly how you’ve been every step of the way?

Yes.

Now that’s…..different.

Bingo.

Much love, Grace

 

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Forgiving Yourself

forgiveWWGHave you ever realized you hurt someone’s feelings…after you hurt them…and felt horrible?

Even if it was completely unintentional.

Maybe some kind of miscommunication. Maybe you interrupted someone when they were talking and you didn’t know they were about to tell a true confession. Maybe you didn’t attend a party and the host was mad. Maybe you didn’t call someone back and they were “waiting” for your call.

So that person reacts, then slaps you verbally or acts pissy or ignores you or makes sure you know you were outta line or did something they disapproved of.

Or maybe something extremely painful happened. You ran over a beloved pet, or a person, in your car. Something you did resulted in someone else’s pain.

I’m such a bad person.

It’s a sneaky little self-flagellating thought that doesn’t actually bring much freedom, love or kindness to you, or to other people either.

Let’s inquire.

Think about that thing you said, or did, or the way you acted that it turned out bugged someone….

It was a bright summer day. There were people on the sidewalks, crowding the entrance to the small parking lot for the well-known Puget Consumer Co-op, a health food grocery store in the urban Fremont neighborhood of Seattle. The locally famous statue of people waiting for the bus was about 200 feet away. People take pictures of that thing and decorate it with clothes and all kinds of costumes. Tourists had their cameras out.

I had been circling the block with my baby in the back seat for about 15 minutes, determined to go in there and buy organic groceries and bulk co-op nuts and all-natural pancake flour.

(I was a bit of a hyper-perfection-only-the-best-for-my-baby type mom, it was really annoying….this was twenty years ago!)

My son was asleep in his car seat, I was super tired. But determined.

This was about the fifth time driving the same route through the parking lot, back out to the crowded street, around an extra long block, coming back through an alley this time, re-entering the parking area once again.

Thank God! Someone’s red back-up tail lights! They were leaving!

I paused with gripping fingers on my steering wheel and zipped into the space the split second after the guy pulled away, my blinker clicking.

Relief!

I woke up my one year old son, carried him into the store, set him in the little child seat of the shopping cart and breathed a huge sigh of relief.

As I started down the very first aisle, a man taps me on the arm, looking at me intensely in the eyes. His face is angry, his mouth tight, furious.

“Excuse me. That was very, very discourteous of you,” he says under his breath, softly but with a biting, vicious tone.

I actually turn around and look behind me to see if he’s talking to someone else. No one there. I look back into his angry eyes.

“What?” I ask with my heart starting to beat, a shot of adrenaline racing through my torso.

“You stole my parking place.”

I blink. I’m trying to match his reaction with my actions. I have no words for a moment, he looks so frightening.

I mumble with fear…”oh, sorry, I was waiting a long time to park, I was circling……”

He marches away.

Ping. That’s the moment.

Who would you be without your story?

Who would you be without the belief that you did something wrong, you imposed on someone, or hurt them?

Without the thought that I was a bad person, should have noticed him, should have seen his car, should have paid attention, should have prevented this, should have been more courteous?

Hearing words, seeing a face, seeing a mouth that almost wants to spit, seeing fury.

Like watching a rain storm blow through. Letting the words and the face be the way they are.

Without the belief it is my fault, my body relaxes. The huge lump in my throat might come up and out, and I might have started to cry.

It’s hard to stay without the belief for some. To even imagine who you might be, or what you might be, or what that would feel like.

Be gentle with yourself, gentle with you, with those other angry people or disappointed people. Feel what it’s like to let it be the way it is.

I turn the thought around, the feeling around.

There is nothing wrong or right. There is no fault. It went the way it went. This isn’t personal. I am a human. He is a human. I shouldn’t be so mean to myself, I shouldn’t make this about me. This isn’t about him.

Could there even be something supportive about this moment, this experience?

Wow. Hard to begin. But then, something cracks.

I appreciate this experience of being hated, being dismissed, being misunderstood, because of how deeply it reminds me of my own disappointment, all the times I have misunderstood, the times I have hated others.

It appears that this is the way of it, the way life moves. Fear happens. I know what that’s like.

And now, here in this moment, I can relax and fall backwards behind that fear. I can use even this memory of “doing something wrong” as an opportunity to rest, to love.

I can send love to this situation.

Perhaps those people who dismiss me are reflections of how I feel about myself, of the way I have treated me. Who knows. But I haven’t treated myself very well. I have thought of myself as needy, desperate, without love, insignificant, stupid and powerless.

Someone who doesn’t pay attention well enough to who else is wanting a parking place.

Not exactly the sweetest eyes to look through.

“When you’re being what you are, when you’re living the awakened life, there’s nobody to forgive, because there’s no resentment held, no matter what.” ~ Adyashanti

That includes yourself, no matter what.

You can choose right now to see that you are love, you are loved, you are loving. Not as a little positive thinking message, but as something just as true or truer than your painful story.

Maybe that person bumped up against you and saw you as unloving, because you’re the one who can handle it….and turn it around.

Much love,

Grace

 

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Splitting Open

I know I’ve been writing long involved inquiry for months and months, almost every day.

Who would have known this was possible?

Ha ha! The way of it is strange and unexpected.

I thought I’d surprise you today (and give myself a little more time to work on other projects, by the way) and share only this short and beautiful poem.

No matter where you are, I hope you breathe, relax and feel the teensiest idea to be open to what has happened in your life. To being split open by difficulty, hurt, against what has happened.

All it takes is the idea.

It shouldn’t have happened…..is that really, really true?

“Light will someday split you open; even if your life is now a cage…Love will surely burst you wide open into an unfettered, blooming new galaxy.” ~ Hafiz

“Let love kill you” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,
Grace

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I Will Never Speak To Him Again!

I’m never speaking to that jerk again.

Have you ever had that thought? Have you ever cut someone off hoping never to have conversation with them again? Vowing never to see them again for the rest of your life?

FOREVER!

Sometimes, it seems like the only option. People do this with troubling parents, difficult friends, children, friends, acquaintances.

Let’s look today…this has been one of my own strategies for handling difficult people. Knock them out of my life with silence.

There might be another way, that seems scary, but ultimately more connected, kinder, more vulnerable, and actually….who you really are.

What’s going on in those Shut Them Out moments?

For me, it was always great fear. Fear I would be hurt, destroyed, attacked again after being attacked before. Fear of anger, hate, fear of betrayal, pain. Trying to make sure to diminish the potential angst or discomfort, hoping it never would ever happen again.

But who would you be if you loosened up your grip on building that barrier, that shield of protection?

Here’s what I found: without the belief that I need to protect myself from that person and never communicate….I am free.

Without the belief that there is something terrible and frightening out there, outside of me, that I have to watch out for….

….I connect.

I have compassion, I feel open, alive, fresh. There is no need to drive a wall or wedge between me and that person or those other people.

I fall back behind the burden of using energy to keep myself safe. There is less “I”….there is very little “I”….there is no “I”.

Today I received this email from a local church in my community. It’s a sweet movie demonstrating the truth of forgiveness. Truly letting go of all ill will, fear, concern about someone else’s violence or judgment.

Forgiveness.

What is it?

Could it really be, as Byron Katie says, that forgiveness is finding out that what you think happened….DID NOT REALLY HAPPEN?

Not in the way you really think? Not in that devastating, terrible, horrible way you have been sure is true?

Even if you think you’re right about how you’ve been harmed…can you let love break down your barriers and allow yourself to tap into the wild magnificence of reality, beyond the small you?

Maybe today is the day to contact that person in your life who you believed hurt you so badly, where you lost touch, lost connection, if it feels right. There may never be a better time.

“Anyone in harmony with what is has no past to project as a future, so there’s nothing she expects…..When you have no destination in view, you can go anywhere. You realize that whatever life brings you is good, so you look forward to it all. There’s no such thing as adversity. Adversity is just an unquestioned thought.” ~ Byron Katie

The thing about this work, questioning your beliefs, seeing who you are without your thoughts….it’s very difficult to do all alone.

Just like forgiving or making genuine connection is almost impossible to do without reaching out, communicating, using words, expressing.

That’s why I love having a group with whom to do steady inquiry. To practicing unraveling painful beliefs, and find turnarounds, and live them, test them out.

When you get stuck and feel you can’t face others, can’t forgive, can’t find peace….your friends who support you in questioning your most troubling beliefs will support your freedom by encouraging you to bring yourself love, and experience peace.

The other day I looked on in support as one strong person encouraged another very frightened person to call his dad, after the young man questioned his belief that is dad hurt him and was too hard to talk to.

“Go do it now!”

This is called being part of the Peace Movement.

If you’re thinking about Year of Inquiry, we start next week. I’ve had enough people write to me about offering one meeting time outside business hours, so if moving Thursday calls to 5:30 pm Pacific Time (an hour later) would make it work for you to jump in, I’ll consider it. Write grace@workwithgrace.com if you have questions.

Another powerful way to get yourself in the Peace Movement.

“The YOI program is immensely valuable and I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in this type of work. You can’t do inquiry by yourself at this capacity, it is almost impossible. I get so much out of a group of people committed to finding the truth for themselves. I’ve done a lot of meditative embodiment work and “the work” seems to be the perfect marriage taking me way deeper into my practice than I could before. I see people just doing embodiment work seem to spin out on stories, and people just doing the work also spinning out on stories, but the two together were terrific for me. I am blowing past all kinds of stories and things I never thought would change in my reality are changing right before my eyes. I feel confident I can create my own reality and relax into what is, all at the same time. Also I notice after doing the work for a year now I can now make the choice not to go down a mental worm hole. I can simply choose not to believe it whereas before the thought process would spiral out of control. My mind is quieter and the world isn’t as scary. Things become a lot more clear and a lot more simple. Thank you Grace for your steadiness and compassionate leadership and thank you to all my brave group members who came with me on this journey!” ~ AK YOI Participant

Much love, Grace

 

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What Got Me Was Nothing

This past weekend I reviewed a course I took thirty years ago. I actually took it two times, thirty years ago, six month apart.

The course was called est. Which is “to be” in French.

I loved that title. And that’s the punchline of the whole course. A focus on Being. Being who you really are, without stressful stories.

I was pretty sure I didn’t “get” it the first time, thirty years ago. I was pretty young, hardly an adult. Everyone else got it. But not me.

I wasn’t entirely sure I got it the second time either. But there were some really, really cool ideas presented.

The most important?

That life is meaningless and empty.

In a good way!

Kinda takes the whole heavy load of burden off a person around seeking the meaning of life.

Trouble is, I forgot, then remembered, then forgot, then remembered. I kept thinking my stories and what happened to me was real, important, alarming, or good.

Not long after est, I began to study the Course in Miracles and met with a group every week for a long time. I read everything I could on mystical experience, philosophers, visited ashrams and churches and places of worship, went to lectures.

It really was my only true interest. I was suffering, I wanted to stop. I was one big question mark, I wanted an answer.

Well…we all know where the search for answers goes. Ha! Nowhere! Surprise!

And yet, studying who you are, who you are right now, is an immense and incredible practice. One I love more than anything, and everything fits into this adventure, so nothing is left out.

It was fun, delicious and gentle to remember the beginning of my intense journey in understanding this life and this world, that began in my teens. (The class I took this weekend was called the Landmark Forum).

The great question….who would you be without that stressful story? Without that troubling idea? Without thinking, evaluation, managing, or analyzing it?

Glorious empty space. Without meaning.

“What got him was nothing and nothing’s exactly what anyone living (or somebody dead like even a poet) could hardly express. what i Mean is what knocked him over wasn’t (for instance) the knowing you’re whole…life is a Flop or even to Feel how everything (dreamed and hoped and prayed for months and weeks and days and years and nights and forever) is less than Nothing (which would have been something) what got him was nothing.” ~ ee cummings

Much love, Grace

P.S. Year of Inquiry starts soon.

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The Surprising Result of Not Changing Anything

changehappensIn only one month, everyone in the new Year of Inquiry (YOI) will be gathering in Seattle to investigate troubling stories about being human.

We meet Sept 19-21, Friday night through Sunday 5 pm. There are still four spots available.

You can try a free group inquiry call to test the waters on how telesessions feel for you. We have three calls this coming week in Summer Camp: Monday 4 pm, Tuesday 8 am, Thursday 9:30 am. Just hit reply if you’d like to send me an email for information on how to join telecalls or YOI.

******

Speaking of being human.

This idea of doing vs being seems to appear frequently in conversation lately, even if the conversation is in my own head.

Doing has gotten a bad rap.

Being is better. Just Be. Then you don’t have to Do anything.

Lots of talk about not making effort, not working so hard, not pushing, relaxing, slowing down, moving gently.

Now…this is all very peaceful and restful.

But I had to chuckle the other day, because suddenly I realized how easy it is to make a project out of not-efforting and doing nothing.

Not that it was “working” mind you. It appears I still do a lot.

I’m not exactly lying around trying to relax all day on the couch.

But it’s more like I’ve been “trying” quite a bit to relax all day WHILE I work, write, meet with clients, teach classes.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that…except I simply realized it’s such a PROJECT.

Like I could call it Project Rest.

Like there’s a competition going on, and winning equals being totally relaxed in every way in every circumstance, not believing any thoughts ever, never getting caught in addiction or vicious cycles of criticism or confusion, being of profound service to other people, and probably winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

Sometimes in the past I’ve noticed an element of this going on with enlightenment. I’m “working” on it.

Project Wake Up.

Whew, the mind will grab anything and decide to organize, code, label, plan and master it.

Good news.

It’s OK that the mind loves this, loves solving problems, getting lessons, taking classes, “working” on stuff.

I know, because of doing The Work.

The mind takes over everything as a project…..Is that true?

Yes. I’m addicted to thinking and solving problems. I love to think, can’t stop thinking, do nothing except think, think, think. I need to figure out EVERYTHING. I need to understand, rest versus be busy, get something that I’m obviously missing.

Really?

Are you sure you are missing something? Are you sure you aren’t getting something? Are you sure you can’t stop thinking?

Uh…yes? What are you asking?

I mean…without missing something, trying to get something, trying to stop whatever…nothing would ever change for the better!

Something needs to change!

Is That True?

Woah…crazy question! How could that NOT be true?

A teensy little thought enters with the idea that it’s not true…..it’s OK that there’s thought, OK to leave everything alone, including this mind and allllllll my stories.

What a weird, paradoxical, hilarious place to go. Without the belief that I need to change my beliefs, or do something, or get somewhere different than here….

….I almost want to start laughing hysterically.

I turn the thought around that something needs to change:

Nothing actually needs to change. The mind trying to make everything into a project, including realization, doesn’t have to change. My believing doesn’t have to change. My work doesn’t have to change. My activities don’t have to change. My doing doesn’t have to change.

Even if this is the weirdest, strangest most truly foreign idea you’ve ever actually had when it comes to dealing with being human….

….notice how you feel when you don’t believe anything ever inside of you is missing, needs to change, or must be altered.

Isn’t that so fun?

No longer any project, or something you’re working towards.

Suddenly this moment now is truly all there is, even when there is thinking in this moment about a future, there is such thrilling alive acceptance of everything here, now.

There is no difference between being or doing. They are both happening and wonderful, no way to ever choose one or the other, they just appear.

“When you no longer have a will of your own, there is no time and space. It all becomes a flow. You don’t decide, you flow from one happening to the next, and everything is decided for you.” ~ Byron Katie

If you love questioning stories…

…come join me and the incredible group of inquirers who collect together on the phone all year (and two fabulous in-person retreats) to question our stories.

Here’s the funny secret: we don’t try to change anything, thoughts about reality, people, bodies, places, time, or things all get examined…and things change all on their own.

“We rest in alert, awake presence, welcoming our present situation as it is. Our communications with others are vibrantly alive, not deadened or pushed away in favor of silence. We’re listening, living, and loving–not escaping into silence in order to avoid conflict or painful feelings. The quietness of presence is an opening, not a closing. It opens us to everything that’s happening within and around us.” ~ Scott Kiloby

Much love, Grace

 

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At War With Noise = Noisy Thinking

My house is not empty enough. Not quiet enough. Not big enough.

Everyone!! Out!!

That’s how I felt the other day.

One kid is running a vlogger youtuber guy on her phone while lying on the couch, another kid has his headset on and computer plugged in and he’s talking to a friend on a hangout (we hear his side of the conversation). Husband is working from home, sitting at the table answering emails, then on and off the phone.

Voices, sounds, electronics. Everyone in the same room.

Where’s the silence? Nevermind on the whole work-at-home thing! I need a sanctuary!

I went into my bedroom and shut the door.

Of course husband came in five minutes later (it is his room too) to get something.

“Just grabbing the mail I left! I won’t disturb you!”

Too late.

I must have complete and total silence. Immediately.

Is that true?

YEESS! This is really irritating. There are too many people in a very small space. I can’t take it!

Are you sure? Are you absolutely positive you must have total silence right now this minute? Are you sure you don’t have it already?

My eyes almost close with this question. Feeling a peace and darkness and the place that never cares about noise, almost instantly.

How do you react when you believe you must have quiet….or else?

Angry with everything that makes sound, that asks me a question, that interrupts or wants something. Full of the thought “I have to…”

As in I am forced to listen, I am forced into this position, I am trapped and stuck in this environment, there’s no way out, it’s a prison.

Um. Can you say…..victim?

Who would you be without that belief, that you have to contend with this noise? That you have to deal with this annoying situation and people all over the place imposing on your silent space?

“To stand alone in true solitude is to stand in the recognition of the absolute completeness and unity of all manner of existence.” ~ Adyashanti

All manner of existence. Including this so-called loud space where stuff appears to be happening and other bodies are living closely, at the moment, to one another.

Without the thought I notice in my room it’s quiet and sweet. It’s precious, all this fabulous family all living so closely, interacting near each other. I notice they are content.

I notice I am content.

The knocks on the door are a flowing part of a musical piece going up and down in sound. The chimes outside the window, the motors of cars in the distance, the neighbor stepping on his gravel driveway.

“You put your whole life on hold until you have ‘x’. If there’s not enough of it, we’ll put our life on hold and be happy, later. If I can get that, I’ll be happy. Skip all of that, and just be happy now…. There’s nowhere to go, and no one going. This is it. This is all your thinking has ever brought you. This is it. Heaven is always where I am. I stopped arguing with what is.” ~ Byron Katie

I do not need silence. I need my thoughts about noise to be silent. I need me to be silent.

And I realized suddenly, I don’t actually even need that. It really is here already.

“It is utter stillness. Such is the form and shape of your original mind. Your own nature is essentially pure and utterly still.” ~ Hui Hai

Bring on the sounds, the noise, the loudness. Let it play. Let it stop. Not exactly up to me. All beautiful.

Much love, Grace

 

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Stopping Your Too Much Not Enough Money Stories

moneyintheskyYou may have seen that I’ve got this crazy unusual very expensive big dollar retreat in November for only ten people, with some very special celebrity-type guest presenters who would come spend time with us.

Well.

The whole thing started with a challenge from a co-conspiring fabulous group of like-minded creatives in business that I’ve been hanging out with this past year.

A couple of them said “why not put together something very wildly unexpected, exclusive, focused…something you might not ever have dreamed of normally.”

Boy. You got that right.

I would have NEVER dreamed of creating and offering a 3.5 day retreat that cost thousands of dollars.

Notice how I said “thousands of dollars” and not the actual amount (I’ll tell you before this Grace Note is over).

The reason?

It’s embarrassing!

Who died and made her snooty miss fancy with big dollars flying in and out of her hands like there’s no tomorrow? Where does she get off thinking she can contact celebrities, pay them to come to work with a little group, and actually afford their fees?

She’s not part of the rich, high-end wealthy club who knows the sort who wouldn’t blink an eye at this price…who does she think she is, anyway?

(The Voice says this with an appalled tone, like it can’t BELIEVE it’s even hearing about this ridiculous thing).

Gosh. Could we have a little stressful belief here about Big Money?

I’ve done The Work on poverty, panicking about having nothing, losing almost every asset I owned and all my savings, being eligible for food stamps.

That was embarrassing enough.

But this is ALSO embarrassing.

I should include everyone, I should only offer events that people can afford, it’s most helpful to the planet to offer low priced healing events, it’s best for the world to charge as little as possible, charging a lot makes people mad, I will be rejected if I offer services that are high in fees.

Wow. Intense list of thoughts. The feeling is painful on the inside. Shame, discomfort, potential rejection, I will disappoint people.

My old tactic?

Stay away from money. Try to work with it as little as possible. Never mention it. Never want it. Ignore it. Pay no attention to it. Live on as little as possible. Resent having to pay, charge, receive or work for money.

Ooooooh, time for inquiry. This should be fun!

Charging high fees means….people will be disappointed and angry with me. They’ll reject me. They’ll be jealous. I’ll lose friends or customers.

Is that true?

I have visions of myself finding the best furniture for my little bedroom online. Finally, after lots of searching and putting in measurements to google, or words like “ranch style furniture” and trying over months of searching to find the right thing. Finally it is found! The right measurements, the right colors, the right height and depth, the right groovy beach cottage type style! Woohoo!

OK, what’s the price, I’m ordering it.

Oh. Wait. It’s Pottery Barn furniture.

What the hell is wrong with them? Why do they have to charge so much? Where do they get off? I will never shop at Pottery Barn! I don’t trust them! They are wrong! They should let me buy what I want at waaaayyyy cheaper prices! Selfish!

So who would you be without that belief that someone or someplace, any place, shouldn’t charge what they charge?

Including ME?

Who would I be without the belief that high ticket prices MEAN you’re too exclusive, elite, trying to be special? That it means you are separated from the masses, from regular people with “normal” amounts of money? That you’re preventing people from your service, disappointing them?

Without the thought that you’re wrong, or you don’t belong, or you’ll be rejected if you’re exchanging this kind of money here and there?

At first, I’m not even sure who I would be.

I remember walking through an art gallery where everything cost prices like $40,000….for one painting.

If I just came from another planet and had no reference for numbers, their meanings, money, the amounts, choices and sums and chunks of money moving from here over to there, in infinite formats?

I’d see every kind of possibility exists here for money changing hands. Big money gets spent for strange things, like a rare comic book….or for one night of gambling. Small money gets spent for the lessons of a lifetime, for experiences that are so valuable they affect the rest of someone’s life.

What if I just really had no idea what this amount meant, or that amount, no stories about it? No concern for being rejected, judged, or that it’s terrible if anyone was disappointed with me or the total?

“There is no ‘money’ thing, is there? It’s just another metaphor to prove suffering, just to prove that there’s not enough. To prove that if you had something external to you that money could buy that THEN you would get what you wanted. Which is security. And the only security really is truth. There isn’t any other.” ~ Byron Katie

Without the belief that Pottery Barn should lower its prices so I can be happy, I just notice if I have the money, or don’t have the money, and I choose to put the money towards that furniture, or some other furniture, and it doesn’t really matter.

“For many people the mere mention of money can bring about the immediate loss of awareness. There’s a fear that coagulates around that money idea, the fear of survival. There is also an egoic trait that is one of the most essential traits of the ego…’not enough’. It’s one of the most deep-seated ego traits. Every ego has it. The ego never feels it has enough. Money can become anything in the world of form, so it triggers this insufficiency, the feeling of not-enough, of the ego.” ~ Eckart Tolle

Without the feeling of insufficiency, or leaving people out, or that there is some place I don’t belong that I shouldn’t be going to (that fancy area) or that other people shouldn’t be triggered with THEIR deficiency stories…I notice it’s all so much fun, and I have no idea what’s really going to happen.

It’s a playground. An abundant one.

Much love, Grace