The other day, I had the thought, “I’m the exact same way I’ve always 
been…how depressing.”
Still too reactive, still caught in my stories, still totally confused by what the heck is going on around here, not understanding what is actually right or wrong, and full of concerns about things like survival, paying bills, and my kids getting in car accidents.
And before the thoughts were even over, before the body was revving up into full blown feeling, I almost wanted to start laughing.
What a goof ball.
But if you ever have that kind of discouraging thought, and don’t think it’s really that funny…you can see if that thought is really true.
The mind loves the drama….ALWAYS, NEVER, CAN’T, MIGHT, SHOULD.
Who needs a Shakespeare play (I’m going to Richard III next Friday night, incidentally) when we’ve got disaster, resignation, death threats, grief, sadness and despair all in the course of oh, say, five minutes?
You’re supposed to change.
Really? Are you sure?
Yeah. Duh!
It must be me. If only I thought differently, reacted differently and FELT differently, my life would be….well….different.
How do you react when you think that thought that you’re supposed to change? That the way you are is screwy or messed up, and by the way, you should have also changed a long time ago—how old did you say you were again?
Knife. In. Gut.
Who would you be without that belief, that you’re supposed to be different, get your act together and change? That your MIND is supposed to be something other than it is?
(That mind, it takes a lot of shizite, from itself doesn’t it?)
Hmmmm. Without the thought that I should be any different, in any way whatsoever?
Holy smokes, that’s a strange and unusual thing to imagine. Not having any thought that I should change, or it should change, or they should change?
Just here. Right now.
Sitting on my couch, writing this note, hearing an eagle chirp in the tree outside, hearing an airplane in the far distance, feeling smoothness on fingertips as they tap.
“Inquiry is more than a technique: it brings to life, from deep within us, an innate aspect of our being. When practiced for a while, inquiry takes on its own life within you. It appears whenever thoughts appear, as their balance and their mate. This internal partnership leaves you free to live as a kind, fluid, fearless, amused listener, a student of yourself, and a friend who can be trusted not to resent, criticize, or hold a grudge.” ~ Byron Katie
Can you not hold a grudge against yourself, just for a second? Or even just imagine not holding one? Can you allow yourself to be just as you are, and accept whole-heartedly how you’ve been every step of the way?
Yes.
Now that’s…..different.
Bingo.
Much love, Grace