Month: May 2013

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Bali Fumigation Escapades

Yesterday morning….here on BALI, mind you…I said out loud “OK, that’s it. I want to go home now.”

That’s called speaking before asking oneself if what you are saying is true. Which happens sometimes, although very rarely, I assure you.

This is better than always speaking without ever asking if it is true, which was my previous way of life.

What had happened was a series of little, shall we say,uncomfortable events: Jon and I decided to venture off to another part of the island for two nights, doing it on the cheap (in other words, a little hut would be OK).

We found an inexpensive bungalow to rent. Then someone on staff said “oh yeah, that’s right…there aren’t any 2-person bungalows, only 4-person bungalows, so we have to charge you for four people.”

Then, we had unpacked our stuff, and decided to lie down for a short rest inside the mosquito netting before hiking to the nearby beach.

Suddenly a huge motor fired up like a super loud leaf-blower outside the door, and moments later our room had fog pouring up from the floor boards and through the thatched roof cracks so that we couldn’t even see ourselves.

Some kind of mosquito fumigation. Oh goody!

Then a few hours later, in the middle of the night, since apparently that wasn’t enough clouded air for one day, a family living right behind our bungalow started burning a fire since it was lightly raining, and it burned for the rest of the night enough so that it woke us up with hurting throats and watering eyes.

All the rooster(s) at dawn didn’t bother us since we were already awake.

Ahhhh, life in the tropical jungle.

And now, 24 hours later, I find it rather funny that such a small series of little uncomfortable events can occur, producing a bad night’s sleep, and I’m ready to change my plane ticket.

But not really.

That’s the thing we humans do. We speak some words that seem to express what we’re experiencing, but often these words aren’t even close to the truth.

What I was really feeling in that moment was physical discomfort, tiredness, and worry.

Thoughts like “I will now die of cancer from whatever was in that mosquito-killing fog cloud! And this was supposed to be a vacation!”

Perhaps a little extreme, I confess. Too late now, if its true.

But that’s what fear does….it gets all riled up at a gut level and thinks of very dramatic consequences…like me lying on a bed rotting away from chemical poisoning.

Within an hour of morning, going down a gravel/dirt road and discovering a more posh expensive resort-like set of bungalows (which we checked into immediately) I was back to happy.

And really, even when my mouth was speaking, and I was imagining racing back to the safety of my familiar home…I was only saying for a second “I’m afraid”.

That’s all anyone is saying who speaks extreme words, makes brash statements, condemns, criticizes and attacks a whole country.

Within only a few hours of speaking it, I was laughing with my husband. Now he’s having fun saying to me every so often “Oh! You’re here! Glad you decided to stay!”

And I notice it’s back to quieter, more reflective me.

I also remember today that I am dying already….and I remember that I could just as easily be excited about that moment as worried about it. It works better to be excited, and it’s just as true.

And who said that dying won’t be a vacation? I mean, it will be the ultimate vacation. Forever!

“Those who know don’t talk. Those who talk don’t know. Close your mouth, block off your senses, blunt your sharpness, untie your knots, soften your glare, settle your dust. This is the primal identity.” ~ Tao Te Ching #56

I do notice, at least I think so, far less dramatic statements ushering from my lips over time, as I do The Work.

Or I go ahead and say the dramatic extreme statements, but find them hilarious.

Or, they pop into my mind and don’t get as far as my voice before I’m chuckling and noticing they aren’t true.

I’d say that’s progress.

Love, Grace

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Trauma Mirror, Mirror Therapy

Many inquiries for Breitenbush retreat, the One Year Inquiry program, and the upcoming June teleclasses! So excited to meet and be with all of you who are coming to in-person programs, including those of you flying thousands of miles to attend. I so LOVE that you are coming.

At Breitenbush, we will look deeply at our relationship to our own bodies, every part of it we don’t like or are worried about…and how this relationship expands out to our relationship with life, death and the universe.

Speaking of the body and difficult parts, I was reading recently of the phenomena of great pain in the body occurring long after a traumatic accident occurs.

I had to re-read the text, in this fascinating book entitled Mind Over Mind by Chris Berdik, to make sure I understood what was being said.

YES…people feel ongoing pain or itching or weird sensations that feel like its coming from parts of their body that are no longer there, or that no longer work.

Apparently, over time, many scientists and physicians and psychologists have tackled the problem of “phantom” pain.

Then a neuroscientist called Vilayanur Ramachandra created a process of making the mind “see” a pretend whole limb and voila, the pain or weird sensations subside for some people.

He calls it Mirror Therapy.

The way it works is that a mirror is held up to the whole, complete, un-lost or un-injured looking body part using a mirror. The mind sees a healthy, complete body part, where it was NOT perfect before, and the pain diminishes, or in some cases is gone.

They don’t really know why, they said in the book, and the results are not definitive….but as I read this, I considered self-inquiry on the body and the way a change in perception of what is can change the way we feel.

So what changed first when I did inquiry; my own mind and what it expected to see…or the actual body part I was looking at with disdain or upset?

Because regularly, throughout my life, I’ve had a few stressful thoughts about the body and what the eyes are seeing.

It happened again the other day, as a matter of fact.

I’m walking along the beach, happy as a clam, thinking about my friends, my clients, all the people I hear from on email, and the pretty weather, and the bulbous clouds, and hearing the sounds, and feeling the space of being on vacation and having no real plans…and then….

I glimpse at my reflection in the bungalow office window and immediately see nine things wrong with my image. And I could probably find more if I spent sixty more seconds thinking about it.

  1. tank top does not match skirt–where’s the color chart!
  2. feet are peeling and ugly and unfeminine, and these flip-flops are pretty ugly and worn out
  3. thighs should be thinner, stomach tighter
  4. jiggly butt, not firm enough, should be pure muscle
  5. hair color too orange, especially in this bright light…covering the gray is not exactly working “naturally”
  6. facial skin too wrinkled around the outer lips, like the cheeks are drooping to Texas
  7. same exact earrings since I left town…which by the way do not match the tank-top OR the skirt at all
  8. vein on left side of neck is huge, as usual since I first noticed it around age 19
  9. couple back on beach having wedding pictures taken, bride in pink and white, looked young, glorious and beautiful…those days are pretty much over for me

It used to be that these kinds of speedy images were very serious. I would then start in on solving these problems, or feel discouraged.

With a vengeance.

Time for Basic Training! Make a plan! Exercise More! CHANGE THE IMAGE IN THE MIRROR through doing stuff.

But since I’ve done The Work and questioned my thinking and very perception of this kind of stuff, and reading about this mirror therapy idea, I know the mind can change completely…the response to what it sees can change completely.

Eyes open, eyes closed, it doesn’t matter.

Who would we be if we didn’t believe the image truly meant something bad? What if we could allow the mind to look, and keep looking, and not turn away in horror or disappointment… but to let it wait and really look.

What if we just added a wee tad bit of an open-hearted, accepting attitude? Like we were listening to our best friend say how ugly she felt that morning, and we looked and saw only absolute beauty, even if yes, we agree that she has more wrinkles than she had twenty years ago.

Maybe we’d get used to this body and the images our mind apparently sees, and the feeling of being against what we see might subside.

What if you came from another planet and you didn’t know what a “perfect” body part was supposed to look like? What if you never learned about wrinkling skin being horrifying, or mis-matching apparel?

When I think about who I would be without the thought that any of those speedy quick images MEAN anything….wow. It would all be a big mumbo-jumbo potpourri of creative and changing pictures.

And the pictures would be fun, interesting, fascinating, intriguing, beautiful, ugly, and it wouldn’t matter…it’s just not that freakin’ serious, or real.

Then, you would be someone who lives without believing the thought that you need to change anything about your body in order to be deeply happy.

“It’s helpful to realize that this body that we have, this very body that’s sitting here right now on this shrine room floor……and this mind that we have at this very moment, are exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, and fully alive.”~Pema Chodron 

That means THIS body, with the big neck vein and the growing facial lines and jiggling areas….and the body that got cancer, is exactly what I need to be fully human, fully awake, and fully alive.

Turning it all around, I see the flash of images, in my head or in the mirror, and hold them all in my mind instead of brushing them aside and I LOOK….and everything that once seemed alarming now looks beautiful and sweet….or neutral.

Even the huge scar on my leg from removing a tumor.

So here’s an exercise for us all: try staring at something you think of as ugly or awful, and see what happens. Especially if you decide to bekind (hint: this is the turnaround)…you might be surprised.

You might see yourself as not so ugly….maybe gorgeous. Or at the very least, you will see what you are thinking about your appearance with clarity, and you can question it more completely.

Later, looking at myself in a mirror as I entered the bathroom to brush my teeth, I was startled to see how cute, attractive and appealing that image in the mirror looked.

What a cute smile! What an adorable person! That’s ME!

I guess, somehow, it’s what my mind expected so BOOM there it was…after questioning my thoughts of ugliness and decline.

If you’re ready to do inquiry, and do your mirror therapy, starting with this body you have, then come to Breitenbush. Last chance to register! We gather together in only one month!

Love, Grace

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No Effort Means Wispy, Passive, Jello-Brain…Right?

Do you ever worry about being too far gone, being a nut that’s just too hard to crack, that you won’t ever REALLY get it, or you won’t get there?

Gosh, I never think thoughts like that! (Not).

The other day I was considering the idea of life with no effort again…the whole concept of relaxing, waiting, being, accepting.

Sometimes, I must confess, it amazes me that it could even be possible to have a “good” life with no effort…I mean, really?

Aren’t we supposed to set goals, work very hard, push, use force, make demands, stand up for ourselves, and at least try to rise to the top?

YEAH! GO TEAM! ARRRRRR! (That’s roaring like a lion, or shaking your spear at the sky).

It feels like I might somehow turn into jello, or live a wasted life, if there is no force used, no effort.

Sometimes people say about questioning stressful thoughts that the process of inquiry could be strangely passive.

If I start loving what is, I may not care about anything, I’ll float around like a willow wisp smiling at everything I see.

But after doing The Work for a few years, I realized that when I really questioned my thinking…I had more access to reality than ever, including the times when something called for energy, action, movement.

In fact, sometimes these days I have strong, loud, passionate words and I speak them.

I feel more real, more alive, more vigorous.

Like I have a wider range of access to feelings, not like I’m fighting them or judging them or deciding I need to look any different.

Acceptance doesn’t necessarily look like all sweetness and pink light.

Sometimes it looks like “I am hanging up now, and please do not contact me again”. 

Sometimes acceptance looks like a person packing their bags and moving out, saying “no”, taking someone to the mental health emergency clinic, changing the airplane reservation.

Sometimes acceptance looks like “you cut me off, you told that lie, you hit me…so I am staying away from you so we both feel more peaceful and not so triggered.”

It is so much fun to be what you are, in this moment. Without trying to be spiritual or special or lovable.

One of my teachers, Stephen Bodian, told this zen story recently:

A student asked the master “it’s really hot in the monastery in the summer time, and in the winter it’s really cold…how do you DEAL with that?”

The master replied “go to a place where there is no cold and no hot.”

The student said “huh?” (I think it was more eloquent, but this is the Grace Bell regular dude version).

The master said something like “well…when you are extremely hot, be totally, agonizingly, completely brutally hot. And when you are extremely cold, be shivering, tight, bone-chilling cold…..you will simply move to take care of what you need to take care of, without arguing with reality. You will be in a place where there is no cold and no hot.”

If I just move towards what I move towards, then I am in the flow. I feel cold, I go get a blanket or I decide to leave that place, or I realize I’m actually fine and it’s no biggie.

I’m not all full of endless complaints about the temperature. I get it. It’s very efficient. I don’t start thinking about what should or shouldn’t be happening and plug into that for hours, days and weeks.

Loving what is has turned out to not be passive at all….it becomes more and more active the more I inquire.

And yet, no effort. At least a lot of the time. I forget and start moving into effort and force, when I think there’s no other way. When I get a little freaked out or scared.

And then I remember, let go. Open my hand up that is pushing with a tight closed fist and the mind that is thinking incessantly about all the ways it could “make” or force something to happen.

Today, how about letting things handle themselves? Who would I be without the thought that I need to deal, complain, make a better effort, or push?

I’d be oh so excited! Nothing to worry about! An observer, a watcher, in a really good, contented way. Not missing out.

Ready to play in this beautiful world! Here to breathe, be alive apparently (for now), and have fun.

“Wise men don’t need to prove their point; men who need to prove their point aren’t wise…… The Tao nourishes by not forcing. By not dominating, the Master leads.”~Tao Te Ching #81

If you find you could use some support around inquiry and Not Making An Effort when it comes to food, money or sex….then check out these three classes on these topics starting this summer. We inquire, question, investigate, and then sit back to see what happens. In my experience, it’s always good.

Much love, Grace

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They’re Trying To Cheat Me

Right now I’m sitting on a small porch of a bungalow hut with woven thatched roof while a gecko hangs out near me on the railing.

I had the odd experience of remembering several old friends today, people I haven’t talked with or seen in a long time.

As I sit here in the dark, warm night with the ocean not far away and sand still on my feet, I especially remember one dear friendship.

That mean, nasty, betraying, lying woman! I thought she was one of my best friends!

And she did the most outrageous, soap-opera-like, immature, sneaky, crazy thing….and it REALLY HURT.

Insert here a long sob story about what happened, what she did, how I responded, how terribly I was hurt, and all the pain, sadness, and angst it caused that was so extremely unnecessary.

But wait. How about skipping the story, and finding the wisdom and advantage and freedom in what occurred?

How about thinking about why this could have happened, right when it did, that was of benefit to all involved….especially me?

When someone seems to “betray” you or con you or trick you or lie to you…could there be any possibility of things going this way for a good reason?

Human beings are supposed to be honest, kind and loving. They should be trustworthy. They shouldn’t be creepy and double-cross other people. They shouldn’t try to fool me and charge me more because I’m a foreigner!

Is this true?

Um, that would be “no”. Because it’s obvious that while humans are honest, kind and loving, they are also dishonest, unkind and unloving. Everyone is it seems.

If I really attempt to find examples of how it was a good thing that the person did what they did, and I find these examples with great honesty and openness, I can find that positive things came out of what I was perceiving as betrayal:

  • I know so much now about money, business, clauses, rules, requirements, licenses…that I am more confident and clearer than ever about my professional status
  • I see how much trouble I had in saying “no” many times over the course of my life (and that friendship)–I was afraid to speak up! Now I’m looking more closely at this than ever.
  • All those times where I kept my feelings and thoughts to myself rather than share them…oh boy I was scared. Now I share anyway.
  • I haven’t liked confronting other human beings, I’m afraid they’ll hurt me, leave me, hate me. So I risked NOT asking for what I really want. Now I do.
  • I can stand in that person’s shoes, who is likely aware of how much money I had to spend to fly here to this country, and get that they think I have lots of money. I do compared to them.

I see once again how being upset at someone doing something surprising, that appears to be harmful to me, is a call to me to inquire…. and relax!

Instead, if I welcome people lying to and cheating on me…if I am willing to have it be true….if I look forward to it, open my arms to it, and begin to find advantages to it….

….then I feel strong, powerful, kind, steady, loving towards myself, responsible, curious, interested, aware.

I speak up and ask for what I really really want. I stand up for myself easily.

If someone says “no, I can’t give you that” then I appreciate them for being so honest…..and move on to the next person.

“You don’t get to vote on what is. Have you noticed?” ~ Byron Katie

I would love to hear your advantages, the things that came out of your experience of betrayal that were positive for you….leave a comment over at my website.

Love, Grace

P.S. If you’re wanting to inquire, look at your thinking in a new, open-minded way, and dissolve resentment about being betrayed, ever, then come join us on Tuesdays for a Year of Inquiry. Group support, persistence, learning, insight. Awesome!

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Holy Moment No Matter What, When, Where

One of my favorite inquirers sent me a quote by Geneen Roth from her book Women, Food and God (which I highly recommend).

In the passage, Geneen writes that holiness is not in what we achieve or eat or weigh.

It reminded me of the sweet awareness that holiness is also not here in Bali, in some extra special way, or out there on a Hawaiian vacation, or in Mexico, or in Paris, or London, or Istanbul.

Holiness, or the awe of this world, can come upon you in a moment, in your mind.

You might be taking out the garbage, and then suddenly think about All This, and the strange, wild magic of it all.

That is a little moment of awe or holiness. It’s like you wake up from a trance…or a tendency to pop from one thought to another in a sort of speedy-zipping way, and you get a bigger view of everything.

So back to Geneen and her most important topic….food and eating.

As so many of you know, also my most important topic, or so it seemed, for many years. I say most important because it was a matter of life or death.

Starvation, limits, stuffing, emptiness, desperation, panic, doubt, determination….all these elements were present in my relationship with food and eating. It was in my mind constantly.

I would NOT have said it was holy. It seemed like anything BUT holy.

Food and how I felt about eating and my body was dark, terrible, full of anxiety, and totally twisted and confusing.

I was a total scaredy cat in my mind. This world was not holy, my body not holy, many people not holy, money not holy, my mind not holy, my work not holy, my thoughts not holy.

No wonder I was so freaked out so much of the time! Day to day life was a danger zone!

The way I viewed the universe quite a bit of the time, if you had asked me, was that it was profane, an abomination, unconsecrated…. all the opposites of holy.

And I was a part of the universe, of course.

But what if this moment, this next hour, is a holy one? No matter where you are, no matter what you’ve done, no matter what is going on around you?

What if it’s this way for some important reason…and you don’t even need to know what reason?

What if when it came to food and eating, that most important baseline wonderful topic, you imagined that just for a moment today (if that’s all you can do) or for the entire day, that you are an incredible holy entity that you have been gifted with caring for.

In this caring, you close your eyes and feel what this body needs, and with gratitude and perhaps awe, you cared for it like it is a most sacred visitor…like Jesus, or Rama, or your fairy godmother arrived to stay with you?

Don’t think about permanently changing your relationship with food and eating. Don’t think about losing twenty pounds, or dieting, or punishing yourself, or exercising, or healing.

This exercise in seeing what is holy around you is for now only, dropping all the plans for the future.

Dropping all thoughts that holiness will appear when you weigh, eat, or do something different.

If you begin to think of ways your life is not going well, or that you can’t do this exercise, then write them down—you can do The Work on these, they are like gold for your awareness.

Holiness is right here in this moment, not because the moment has wealth, happiness, money, or a perfect body in it…not because this moment is in Bali or someplace that looks pretty!

Anyone can do this exercise, it is for everybody. You could be sitting beside a road on a freeway in a pile of garbage. You don’t need any special information or to go somewhere or understand better.

“To acquire happiness you don’t have to do anything, because happiness cannot be acquired. Does anybody know why? Because we have it already. How can you acquire what you already have? Then why don’t you experience it? Because you’ve got to drop something. You’ve got to drop illusions. You don’t have to add anything in order to be happy; you’ve got to drop something. Life is easy, life is delightful.”~Anthony De Mello

Even right here, traveling, my whole entire diet is completely different than it is at home (so I think). But it turns out the humans eat here, and have plates and stores and gardens and stoves.

Once again, all I have to do is take care of this particular body, today, and un-learn and un-know whatever I think has to happen to make things holy around here.

Love,
Grace
P.S. I eat papaya, mango, banana, honeydew, watermelon, sticky rice and meat on a stick almost every meal, it seems. OMG where are the green vegetables? “I’m supposed to eat tons of raw green veggies every day.” IS IT TRUE?
P.P.S. If you’re ready to question your stressful thoughts about food and eating, we start an 8 week telecourse soon on this topic–check out the website www.workwithgrace.com

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Free Group Inquiry Scoop

Many people wrote to me recently (thank you all so much) and I am called to respond to one of the most common requests I’ve received: you would love a chance to do one trial teleclass with a small group without signing up for a big long course, or maybe even a 2 month course.

You want to try out group inquiry first!

Makes so much sense to me! I would want the exact same thing, some idea of what it might be like to do something to see if it would be a good fit for me.

So—I’m offering two live teleclasses on Monday, June 10th at both 8:15 am and 5:15 pm Pacific Time for 90 minutes.

Anyone can come join the call and participate, or just listen, and connect with like-minded inquirers to work through a stressful belief.

There is no fee for this.

Here are the instructions for joining the inquiry call. With phone, just dial the number and then enter the pin code.

If you are using skype from anywhere in the world, open your key pad and enter “joinconference” in the place you would put a phone number, call it, and you will be connected. Then locate the key pad again and enter in the six code number.

Title: Work With Grace Inquiry
Time: Monday, June 10th at 8:15am Pacific AND/OR 5:15 pm Pacific
Listening method: Phone or Skype
 Phone number: (206) 402-0100 or “join conference” with Skype
PIN Code: 305799#

If you like, bring to the call a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet already filled out on a very stressful situation you hold in your mind.

This can be a current stressful situation or one from the long-distant past that creates sadness, anger, upset, fear, worry, frustration or irritation.

Visualize the scene that is most troubling in that memory. See the person who is annoying or frightening to you. Remember what they said and did, then write short, simple sentences on your worksheet.

Whatever group assembles, we will move through inquiry together and question a painful belief.

You can just listen, or you can participate actively.

You can be on the call even if you don’t have a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

Your presence will be appreciated and just being there will make a difference for you and for the group.

This won’t be a call for sharing long stories or speaking about your stressful experiences in detail. This will be a call for the power of group inquiry together. My favorite!

Love, Grace

P.S. The One Year Program starts on Tuesday, June 11th and I will include more information about it very soon. Important to know is that YES, you can join only the teleclass portion of the program (no in-person retreats or solo sessions) AND you can make payments for the program in small chunks that work for you per month. Write and ask me about this.

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Why Am I Here?

Last New Year, and the year prior, I asked for “top three stressful thoughts” you were experiencing, if you felt like writing them down.

This popped into my mind as I drove for several hours looking out at a road lined with everything unusual and strange.

As I stared out the window of the van in which I was a back seat passenger, my mind was full of questions like “I wonder why there is a temple every few hundred feet along the road? I wonder why everyone is flying kites? I wonder where those men are taking that gigantic dead pig that they’re trying to get through a narrow doorway? I wonder what’s in the lined up yellow glass bottles near every store?”

Some questions I asked the driver, who was native to this place (he pointed out the home of his grandmother as we sped by) but more questions were filling my brain than could be asked….at least this was another thought, that I really couldn’t ask EVERYTHING.

It’s weird but the mind appears to be filled and flowing with QUESTIONS. About everything it doesn’t quite understand.

Then my husband, over lunch, innocently asked about plans and ideas for tomorrow…and the conversation moved into thoughts about the days ahead here on Bali.

Which led me to thinking later, in the car again, about the top things I wanted to see while here that I had heard about in the past, and how I wanted to feel once I departed….which led me to reflecting on what I came here to see, do, think, feel, or explore….

Which reminded me of one of the Top Three Stressful Thoughts I had heard about from people back at the New Year.

One of the top three stressful thoughts?

“Why Am I Here?”

This can sometimes be a fun or neutral-feeling question….and it can tip over into stressful really quickly, the way the speedy mind seeks for clear answers and demands them NOW.

Suddenly, I could relate. I wondered why I was here in Indonesia, on the island of Bali? I mean, really?

Why am I here? What’s my purpose? What am I doing? What should I do next? Where is this heading? What’s the reason for my existence?

Sometimes….these kinds of thoughts enter when on a journey far, far away from home.

What the heck am I doing HERE?

There’s a little stressy thought as the mind becomes ready to derail anything you could possibly answer that question with…because nothing will be a good enough answer, it thinks.

Left up to the mind to answer that question, there really won’t be any solid satisfaction…. because IT DOESN’T KNOW!

The wise-man answers to these WHY questions say things like, “you are here to live, you are here to love, you are here to be!” 

But! There has to be a better, more interesting, more elaborate, detailed, fascinating, adventurous, personal reason to why I’m here…more unique perhaps, something that makes me special?

And then, do you notice the feelings within, when considering WHY YOU ARE HERE become sort of sparked? Maybe frustrated? Grabby? Demanding? Pushy? Wanting?

I NEED TO KNOW!

I need to know why I’m here, why I exist, why I’m with that person, why that upsetting thing happened, why I’m visiting this place, why I live here, why I travel there, why I got sick, why I suffer, or what my purpose is!

Stop! Hold your horses!

Inquire. Is that true that I need to know why I’m here?

YES! I MUST find my answer! I will achieve, conquer, gain, and realize my goal…or… something! I need to understand! I need to have magical events occur! I need to find something! I want to make a discovery! I want to get this!

Can I absolutely know that this is true?

When I believe the thoughts that I need to know WHY and WHAT FOR then I notice I get all charged up (at best) and get furious or depressed (at worst).

Who would I be without the thought that I need to know what my life is for and why I’m here and what to do next?

What if I really unhitched from that belief and loosened the grip, let it go altogether, just let everything be the way it is, including me and my purpose (or lack of it)?

I turn that thought around, and in this day, here, I see how I do not need to know why anything is the way it is.

I am still alive, I am still here (so far), I am taking in my environment…I see, hear, touch, taste, smell, feel, think….rest, sit, watch, wonder, observe.

I’m still at this moment, apparently, seeing a full moon set through a very thick jungle forest, hearing infinite sounds and hoots and buzzes and around me.

I found out everyone here builds a temple in front of their family home, people fly kites when they harvest the rice, I have no idea where they were taking the pig but my guess is they will eat it, and the pretty glass bottles everywhere are full of petrol.

Noticing the mind, allowing it also to be here…thinking, assessing, commenting, feeling the feeling of not knowing what basic things are for, not knowing what anything is for.

Mind here too, present and busy and not needing to know anything definitive…it doesn’t need to know, because it clearly doesn’t, and life goes on.

Here I am visiting the inner land of I Do Not Know What Anything Is For.

Could this be fine? More than fine?

Are you sure you need to know why you’re here, or have a clear “better” purpose than you think you have?

“If you want to be a great leader, you must learn to follow the Tao. Stop trying to control. Let go of fixed plans and concepts, and the world will govern itself.” ~Tao Te Ching #57

Much love, Grace

Learn About All Teleclasses Here 

  • A Year Of Inquiry For The Addictive Mind: Life Support For The Compulsive Thinker. June 11, 2013 – May 2014, Tuesday teleclasses * 2 in-person retreats * Powerful Group work. Click here to read all about it.
  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Thursdays, June 13 – August 8, 2013, 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time. No class June 27. 8 weeks $395.Register Here. 
  • Pain, Sickness and Death: Making Friends With The Worst That Happens In Life.  Stay tuned for fall class. 6 weeks $295. 
  • Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29 – May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.  
  • Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Investigating the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating And Food. Tuesdays, June 11 – July 30, 2013 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
  • Our Wonderful Sexuality: A Safe Place For Inquiry on Painful Thoughts About Sexuality. Fridays, July 12 – August 30, 2013 Noon – 1:30 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.    

In Person workshops:

  •  Mini Retreats Seattle. Saturdays 2013, May 18, June 15, August 10, Sept 7, October 12, November 30. 1:30-5:30 pm. Goldilocks Cottage. First time $70 includes curriculum, handouts, tea and snacks. $55 for any subsequent mini-retreat. Come for regular practice and community. Earn 4 CEUs for mental health practitioners.
  •  Click here to register for any mini-retreat:
  • Loving Your Body Breitenbush Hot Springs Retreat. June 26-30, 2013. For all the information please click HERE.

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I Should Do Something Else

I should do something else. 

What a curious and interesting, and sometimes VERY stressful thought.

Today, for the second day in a row, my husband and I got “stuck” in a huge, thundering, massive downpour of rain and we ducked inside an open-air restaurant to wait it out.

The restaurant is a huge white tent on a round wooden platform amidst rice paddies, near a narrow walking trail which is used by scooters, motorcycles and foot traffic.

No wide roads to this restaurant, no big vehicles. Everything has to be carried or wheeled here.

It turns out there’s wifi, so here I am on the internet in Bali.

Then I had the thought “we should be seeing more….we should do something else.”

Because yesterday, we were here in the same restaurant, also in the middle of a huge afternoon thunder and lightening storm.

There is so much to see and do! We don’t have much time here! This is all nice and everything, but we should be in a different restaurant exploring something else.

Oops, er…wait. Halt!

Fortunately, I can catch myself quickly when doing this line of thinking.

Because I know, I will never, ever see everything, do everything, experience every place….this in fact would be impossible.

Having the thought that in this present moment, I should be somewhere else, be with someone different, or be having another experience than I am having is actually quite a bizarre thought.

With that line of thinking, the present is uncomfortable, less than, not quite perfect….or even terrible.

Not good enough.

Who would I be without the thought that I should be doing anything different? That I am missing something? That this moment should be altered somehow?

So relaxed, it’s amazing. To really deeply feel this moment as absolutely fine…WOW.

No need to do anything, go anywhere, change anyone.

Remarkable really.

I look around at the wooden floor, the plant next to me as I type, the straw woven chair, the ducks flapping their wings outside, the delicate drops of rain now, the gray sky….and I am amazed at the beauty and the strangeness.

Relaxed mind, relaxed body. Noticing that soon, I will get up and walk outside now that the rain has stopped.

When I turn the thought around, my original concept becomes “I shouldn’t do anything else.” 

This is amazingly radical. Can you imagine never having this thought again that you should do something else than whatever you’re doing?

What if this is the exact best thing I could possibly be doing, here now in this moment? Sitting in the same restaurant, two afternoons in a row, talking with the same family who works here….typing, reading, listening, being.

Why not?

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Much love, Grace

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Write To Me

As the One Year Program gets closer to beginning (June 11th) many of you have written to me with suggestions, considerations and dreams of how you would best love to be served if you had your perfect scenario for ongoing support for self-inquiry, and a fulfilling relationship with your own thinking.

Some of you instantly knew that signing up to work in a whole year of inquiry, with the same small group of people, mostly in teleclasses and then a few in-person retreats, was PERFECTO.

Today I would love to hear from those of you who are considering joining the one-year program, and even those of you who are not at this time, what you would really want if I could support you in inquiring into your stressful thinking in your life, and truly beginning to have a loving relationship with your reality over time.

If you had your ideal structure, or had your most important questions answered, or the best format for you personally that you could have in a program with other people, what would it be?

If you could make up your favorite format for life support and inquiry and watching your thoughts and noticing your freedom…how would it look?

This is an amazing thing for any human to consider, whether thinking of a meaningful spiritual journey with others, (like the one-year inquiry program), or as an exercise of imagining what you would like most in your life around any kind of journey or relationship.

Sometimes we know what we are against in our lives, and what doesn’t work…but we hardly consider the possibilities for what DOES work, in a fun, imaginative, loving way.

It is an important step to know what doesn’t work. We get it. THIS is not working. Every time I’m interacting with that person, someone gets hurt….every day when I go to that job, I get upset….every time I eat, I hate myself.

Not working.

And we seem to know that those other people aren’t going to change (Byron Katie says hopeless and we know she’s right).

As many of you know who have started to ask yourself the questions known as The Work, and to question your own beliefs about life, other people and yourself….you’ve discovered that your life is shifting.

You may have discovered that in changing only your thoughts about your world and your experience, that your world actually appears to be changing.

And all that time, you thought you had to fix or change or adjust something OUT THERE, outside of you, in order to have your life and your world be calmer and more fun and more peaceful.

So today, imagine what one troubling situation in your life might look like if it was peaceful, serene, humorous, or joyful….one thing that seems like it’s not right now.

This doesn’t mean thinking about that situation you dislike and saying “I wish x, I wish y, this is so sad…”

It’s about playing with a fun picture, imagining the feeling being full of love, acceptance, gentleness or clarity right in that situation that generally produces stress when you think of it.

And if you have a vision of what would support you in inquiry, then just reply back to this email, and let me know what it would look like.

I’d love to hear your concerns or questions if you’re considering joining the One Year group, or a teleclass, or solo sessions….how would it be tweaked for you to make it right?

Don’t hold back—maybe it’s money, or worry about not liking it, or not understanding inquiry, or that you’ve tried to investigate your thoughts before to no avail….what are your biggest questions?

I’d love to know, if you’ve got ideas and requests. It helps me understand how to support you best, if there’s a way I don’t see it yet.

And if its a question I can write about here, then I will!

So replay back to this email and tell me, what would you like in support of your personal inquiry journey? Where do you bump up against your investigation, your awakening? What is your heart’s desire?

Much love, Grace

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OMG I Might Feel Uncomfortable

Life on the road appears absolutely and completely different, in some ways, than life NOT on the road.

And yet, depending on the circumstance, the thinking mind reaction to the situation at hand, whatever it is, is the same.

Something happens, something unexpected or out of the norm, and a response forms in the mind.

I must admit, I had a few stressful thoughts arise as I entered Bali with my husband Tuesday night. The fascinating piece to the thinking is me calling it stress, because it was slightly fearful.

Really, it was simply entering the unknown…..and with enough unknown, the mind begins to put up warning signs that say WATCH OUT.

It all boiled down to a primary, deep, underlying stressful thought:something could go wrong.

Why would the mind call it “wrong”?

Good question! So many things could go wrong! So let’s see what my mind was chatting about and suggesting as I entered a place I’ve never been before:

  • I might lose money, I might have to pay for something I didn’t expect to have to pay for
  • I might get sick from drinking the water (people told me it’s possible)
  • I might get sick from eating the food (people told me it’s likely)
  • I need something and no one understands my language when I ask for help
  • I am very hungry and I don’t know how to get food right now
  • We’re lost
  •  We don’t have the address to where we’re going, or the person’s phone number, and no one is here to meet us…we don’t know what to do next

Now, did we ever have to know what to do, in that situation upon arrival getting off the airplane?

Actually no.

The MIND will think it would be better to know all about everything, at all times, so that nothing unexpected ever happens and there are no surprises…..and NOTHING EVER GOES WRONG.

The mind will say that something went a little wrong for me and Jon upon arrival, or several things went wrong: I lost one of my sandals in a ditch (bizarre but true), some men began to take off with our luggage, someone wanted to charge us for internet service when it was actually free, there was no one to meet us at the airport and we had expected someone, and there appeared to be no food at our destination when we finally got there.

When I look at any of these and consider why the mind comes up with the idea of them being “wrong” I see that, as usual, it comes down to the perception of safety.

I might not get my needs met! I might feel uncomfortable! This would be WRONG!

As I lay in bed, exhausted and ready to sleep on our first night in a foreign country, with a bit of a weird feeling about being in a wild, mysterious place and not knowing what would happen next…I noticed the sensation in the body of caution.

And I remembered Byron Katie’s words “Don’t be careful, you might hurt yourself.” 

Moving around on planet earth to places unknown, at least for me, may feel like a risk, or it may feel like an adventure, and it vacillates between both.

If it’s too much risk (according to the mind) then the mind will yell and try to get back to safety and the known and calm as quickly as possible.

Yesterday, safety and known were not quite as solid as usual.

And yet, oh yeah that’s right, now I remember that things are neverreally solid or known.

Unexpected things can happen at any moment, no matter where we are.

Accidents, happy coincidences, a new neighbor moves in, a friend reveals something very touching about their life, your partner says they are leaving, a gift arrives in the mail for no reason, you get laid off, someone you haven’t seen in years calls you, you fall and break your arm, you have an interesting conversation at a dinner party.

Life is unfolding and flowering every single moment, and we think that if it remains uneventful, somehow stable, then we can breathe and rest and we’re “safe”.

But Not Knowing anything that will happen is the greatest truth of all, whether I am in the place I live every day, that appears to look quite similar each morning, or whether I am in a different country.

I remember that nothing is guaranteed, nothing static, and that anything could change at any moment. In fact, everything is changing, every moment.

What if I lived the turnaround to my stressful thought that I am in potential danger, and that something could go wrong?

What if instead I lived the belief “something could go right”? 

What if even when I am very hungry and tired and not sure how to get to a bed, and I’m not sure how or where to get food, I notice that something comes to me to do or say.

Nothing “bad” happened. There was only uncertainty, and imagining that things would get worse.

I remember this was really my only most terrible thought when my marriage was ending. What it really boiled down to was that I did not know what the future would look like, whereas before, I thought I knew.

I didn’t like not knowing, and the risk that I would not feel physically comfortable LATER.

Being on the road, with things unknown, my relationship to the universe and to reality feels more teeter-totter close to the edge.

But it’s not any more than usual, really.

Yes, all those uncertain things might happen.

If I lost money, or lost my way, or couldn’t find food, or got sick, or didn’t speak the language…who knows what exciting wonderful Absolutely Right thing could happen next.

All I know is, it does seem true that WITH the thought Something Could Go Wrong (or something IS going wrong) then there is stress…

…but WITHOUT the thought that anything could go wrong…

…smiling inside, entertainment, humor, fun, adventure, awe, beauty, rest, joy, and taking care of myself, asking for help.

No matter where you are, who would you be if you believed and lived the thought today “something could be going just right”?

Much love, Grace