Right now I’m sitting on a small porch of a bungalow hut with woven thatched roof while a gecko hangs out near me on the railing.
I had the odd experience of remembering several old friends today, people I haven’t talked with or seen in a long time.
As I sit here in the dark, warm night with the ocean not far away and sand still on my feet, I especially remember one dear friendship.
That mean, nasty, betraying, lying woman! I thought she was one of my best friends!
And she did the most outrageous, soap-opera-like, immature, sneaky, crazy thing….and it REALLY HURT.
Insert here a long sob story about what happened, what she did, how I responded, how terribly I was hurt, and all the pain, sadness, and angst it caused that was so extremely unnecessary.
But wait. How about skipping the story, and finding the wisdom and advantage and freedom in what occurred?
How about thinking about why this could have happened, right when it did, that was of benefit to all involved….especially me?
When someone seems to “betray” you or con you or trick you or lie to you…could there be any possibility of things going this way for a good reason?
Human beings are supposed to be honest, kind and loving. They should be trustworthy. They shouldn’t be creepy and double-cross other people. They shouldn’t try to fool me and charge me more because I’m a foreigner!
Is this true?
Um, that would be “no”. Because it’s obvious that while humans are honest, kind and loving, they are also dishonest, unkind and unloving. Everyone is it seems.
If I really attempt to find examples of how it was a good thing that the person did what they did, and I find these examples with great honesty and openness, I can find that positive things came out of what I was perceiving as betrayal:
- I know so much now about money, business, clauses, rules, requirements, licenses…that I am more confident and clearer than ever about my professional status
- I see how much trouble I had in saying “no” many times over the course of my life (and that friendship)–I was afraid to speak up! Now I’m looking more closely at this than ever.
- All those times where I kept my feelings and thoughts to myself rather than share them…oh boy I was scared. Now I share anyway.
- I haven’t liked confronting other human beings, I’m afraid they’ll hurt me, leave me, hate me. So I risked NOT asking for what I really want. Now I do.
- I can stand in that person’s shoes, who is likely aware of how much money I had to spend to fly here to this country, and get that they think I have lots of money. I do compared to them.
I see once again how being upset at someone doing something surprising, that appears to be harmful to me, is a call to me to inquire…. and relax!
Instead, if I welcome people lying to and cheating on me…if I am willing to have it be true….if I look forward to it, open my arms to it, and begin to find advantages to it….
….then I feel strong, powerful, kind, steady, loving towards myself, responsible, curious, interested, aware.
I speak up and ask for what I really really want. I stand up for myself easily.
If someone says “no, I can’t give you that” then I appreciate them for being so honest…..and move on to the next person.
“You don’t get to vote on what is. Have you noticed?” ~ Byron Katie
I would love to hear your advantages, the things that came out of your experience of betrayal that were positive for you….leave a comment over at my website.
Love, Grace
P.S. If you’re wanting to inquire, look at your thinking in a new, open-minded way, and dissolve resentment about being betrayed, ever, then come join us on Tuesdays for a Year of Inquiry. Group support, persistence, learning, insight. Awesome!