July 2016 – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

July 31, 2016

But won’t I suffer if this happens?

Are you sure it’s an awful, terrible thing if you lose? Are you positive you’ll suffer?

This Thursday is the very first masterclass: Bringing The Work Home–Ten Barriers For Doing Self-Inquiry for Deep Transformational Change….And How To Dissolve Them.

I’ll be offering it at 5:30-7:30 pm Thursday, then next week on Tuesday August 9th again from 8:30-10:30 am. If you’re interested in this topic and want to join me to refine your work, identify what’s bothering you, sink in a little deeper to your process or practice, then sign up here.

Speaking of scheduling classes, I have to confess I’ve been working so hard behind the scenes to research, learn, summarize and deepen this work for myself, so I can share it with others….

….it feels like I’m very deeply into it. I care.

I notice sometimes with care, along comes worry.

Worrying is a strange form of stress.

We all know it’s uncomfortable, but not necessarily debilitating. It doesn’t prevent us from living life and going about our business.

Unless.

If we start worrying constantly, or repetitively worrying about the same thing (which basically defines worry-thinking about the same thing over and over with no sense of peace) then the thoughts we’re thinking, seeing, and imagining can result in a constant sense of tension, tightness, and even low-grade anxiety.

The funny thing I’ve noticed about worry is how it doesn’t feel acutely serious, so it’s easy to dismiss.

“This isn’t that bad. It might not happen. I already know this is just me. Everything’s probably OK. I should stop thinking about it. I’ll do something to distract myself.”

I’ve noticed, however, when I have a worry that returns persistently, it’s time for The Work.

I began to watch my worries over time, so I could study them instead of write them off as an over-reactive mind, or a tendency towards anxiety, or label myself as a compulsive thinker/worrier who SHOULD be more optimistic.

I noticed some themes.

Someone else is going to have a difficult time emotionally. Someone else is sad, depressed, or angry. I will experience rejection, abandonment, criticism. Someone else could experience waiting, nervousness, upset, or despair. Or I could. Someone, or me, could fail. I could die. Someone else could die. I might suffer. Someone else might suffer.

Basically they could all fall under the category “suffering could happen”. Whether it’s me or someone else.

And then I see all the imaginary visions of proof. I see in my head many ways this suffering could be possible, whether I heard about it before from someone else, or saw it on TV or in the movies or in a book, or it happened to me directly.

I know it’s a huge common Big Kahuna belief to think “I could suffer!” and it’s very general….but let’s question it anyway. (And maybe this is the ultimate only stressful thought, ever).

Let’s take a look.

Right now, find one situation where you think it could go awry, or things might not turn out great, or you might lose. Any place you notice worry arise in you. Parents often experience this about their kids. People experience this about events coming where they hope it goes a certain way. Relationships. Money. Health. Success.

You get the idea.

Just pick one thing you notice you worry about that’s coming along down the road.

I noticed the other day, I’m thinking about these upcoming masterclasses I’m teaching. Little flits of sensation I could call worry occur, as I construct the format and get the slide presentation ready and hope the technology works (no internet break-downs please). As I wonder what to include and what not to include, and wonder why I picked TEN barriers to self-inquiry because while I do have a nice big juicy list, ten is a lot to cover. As I add all the ways to work with these “barriers” and crack them open AND make sure to add some important ingredients. It’s all a LOT of information. And I want to work with those of you who are there in the live Q & A and read what you share, and respond. And. And. And.

A friend of mine has a race she’s going to be running.

She has the very same kind of experience when thinking about her event. She pictures the start, how it will feel running, anticipating her own fuel needs like that goo stuff you eat for long marathon runs, and water, and wearing the right clothing.

The planning is great, and wise….but the feeling of worry is not so fun, and can interrupt a good night’s sleep or make the day you’re in NOW feel full of thoughts about this later moment. Ugh.

You could suffer during that event or experience.

Is it true?

Yes! I could! It would be a major bummer if the internet cut out!

OK, now pause.

One of my favorite exercises is allowing the scene to come to mind of the Worst Case Scenario.

I’m in my house, my deluxe headset is on, I’m sitting on my couch next to the internet router, and bam. The electricity goes out in the entire house.

I can’t see my own slide presentation, the computer has the spinning wheel, I hear nothing, people are waiting, I’ve put a lot of work into this, people have shown up, and now it’s FAILING.

Now, I can write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on that situation, the imaginary future horrible worst case scenario moment.

The JYN, in case you’re not super familiar with The Work, is the very first preparation step where you answer six questions about WHY you are upset in that situation, and what you think would fix it, or help.

To capture these concepts on paper is very powerful. Because then, you’ve got words to match your worried feeling. You actually get to sit with your worry instead of brush it away like an annoying insect.

Or even worse you don’t treat this worry like you SHOULD be thinking more positively, or else….and yet you can’t (all that pressure).

Now, after I write the JYN on this terrible future moment, I’m more clear about the situation I imagine would cause great suffering for me.

In THAT situation, I could suffer. Is it absolutely true?

Hmmm. Well. I never thought of this before. Could it be possible to Not Suffer in this situation of internet, phone, technology failure with people waiting and all my preparation gone to nada?

Yes, it is possible I could not suffer. Wow.

I can’t absolutely know that it’s true that I would suffer.

But even if you have a situation where you think it IS true that you’d suffer for sure, you get to keep going with the four questions.

How do you react when you believe this situation would cause suffering?

Worry, worry, worry.

Who would you be without this belief, that you could suffer if it went the way you’re imagining?

I picture again this worst case scenario, without the belief that it could cause suffering for me.

Without the belief that it would mean failure, doom, rejection, abandonment.

Wow.

Without this belief, I notice it’s kind of funny. A little chuckle appears in my consciousness.

Without the belief that This Means Suffering….I kind of think “Huh, what d’ya know. It’s going this way. Fascinating.”

This doesn’t mean I might not like it for awhile. It might be very uncomfortable. I might have no idea what to do next.

You might be dealing with a much bigger “threat” where you believe you will suffer, perhaps for a long time, or that others will suffer, or both.

But can you imagine, just a little bit, what it would be like to not believe you will permanently suffer over this, or that it doesn’t have some powerfully good consequences, or that it’s not as bad as you think?

That’s who you’d be without the thought.

Turning it around every way I find is truer:

Suffering could not happen at all. Suffering is not happening to “me” personally (it is not unique and directed to only me). Suffering will happen for sure….but it’s not a terrible thing (not as terrible as I THINK). Suffering could happen in my thinking (only) not in reality.

Or even, this turnaround: Lack of suffering (joy, peace, love) could happen, in this situation.

Holy Smokes.

Once again I feel the awareness of nothing being able to knock me away from a center of love, emptiness and freedom. It is without the knowing mind. It is without mind thinking, or not thinking–it can do what it wants.

And something here is OK, no matter what happens or doesn’t. No matter what has ever happened, something is present right here. Alive and conscious. Aware. Seeing.

“If you think there’s a problem, your work isn’t done.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

I hope you’ll join me in the upcoming masterclass if you have two hours to set aside and you love deepening your work by looking at common sticky spots humans have when using The Work or inquiring into their minds.

I can’t wait. Although, actually, it turns out, I can….and happily.

Much love,

Grace

July 29, 2016

You Are Invited to MasterClass: Ten Barriers to Doing The Work….And How To Dissolve Them

I’m offering a live free masterclass: Ten Barriers to Doing The Work as a Transformational Practice….And How To Dissolve Them.

I’ve thought about sharing this with others for a very long time.

Ever since I noticed the fascinating way the mind shows up looking at life with a trickster attitude either hell-bent on keeping you in the dark, or very quietly-and-subtly bent on making things not-quite-clear.

Well, I speak for myself. And I’ve heard so many people wonder about why they aren’t seeing clearly, or making the changes they want.

I’ve heard people ask Byron Katie questions about The Work and express their frustrations and worries, and their deep desire to end their mental suffering about relationships, events, feelings, the past, the future…..LIFE!

So I began to make note of where objections appeared, and where people felt lost.

I watched my own process of slowly going deeper, and sometimes experiencing big huge lightbulb moments of expansion in my perspectives.

I’ve asked you where you’ve wondered about why The Work is confusing, troubling, or “not working” for you.

I have LOVED receiving your answers (thank you).

So now…..I’m super excited to gather with you on this profound topic of deepening self-inquiry using The Work of Byron Katie, sharing insights from the journey of others, understanding your own common foggy-patterns (more on this in a minute), and maybe most importantly…..sharing with you some powerful and reliable ways to dissolve barriers to The Work.

While we are all ultimately very much alike (there are no new thoughts, as Katie says)….

….you might find yourself stuck and in need of a dose of understanding about the way your mind seems to be handling your journey in awareness and awakening.

If you’d like to explore this process….then I would be honored to have you attend this first-time ever Masterclass for Bringing The Work Home: Ten Common Barriers To Self-Inquiry, and How To Dissolve Them.

It is my greatest intention, pleasure and commitment to be in service to freedom from believing stressful thought, which I know is possible for everyone (it’s my sincere commitment within myself, which is everything).

I hope you’ll join me if you’re inspired to living a free, open-handed, joyful life of accepting, being, and loving what is.

You can save your seat here.

Much love,

Grace

July 29, 2016

You Are Invited to my MasterClass Training: Ten Barriers to The Work….And How To Dissolve Them

I’m offering a live free masterclass: Ten Barriers to Doing The Work as a Transformational Practice….And How To Dissolve Them.

I’ve thought about sharing this with others for a very long time.

Well, I speak for myself. And I’ve heard so many people wonder about why they aren’t seeing clearly, or making the changes they want.

So I began to make note of where objections appeared, and where people felt lost.

I watched my own process of slowly going deeper, and sometimes experiencing big huge lightbulb moments of expansion in my perspectives.

I’ve asked you where you’ve wondered about why The Work is confusing, troubling, or “not working” for you.

I have LOVED receiving your answers (thank you).

While we are all ultimately very much alike (there are no new thoughts, as Katie says)….

….you might find yourself stuck and in need of a dose of understanding about the way your mind seems to be handling your journey in awareness and awakening.

I hope you’ll join me if you’re inspired to living a free, open-handed, joyful life of accepting, being, and loving what is.

You can save your seat here.

Much love,

Grace

July 27, 2016

She should communicate with me!

Have you ever been ghosted?

Oh man. The open imagination when someone is giving you the silent “treatment” is strange and difficult, if you don’t have inquiry to question your thoughts.

Your mind races in so many tangents. You wonder if that person who isn’t responding to you, or who is not making eye contact, or who isn’t saying anything….

….is scheming against you, or angry with you, or hating you, or thinking you’re unworthy and stupid and too boring or undeserving to care about.

I mean, wow.

I’ve had two people “ghost” me in my life. Talk about going off on a tangent! Even though I already KNEW I didn’t KNOW what it fully meant.

How could I?

The response I was getting was…..silence.

In childhood psychological development studies, researchers have observed sometimes children prefer negative, violent or critical communication over NO communication.

“Give me something….anything. What’s wrong? What’d I do?”

Let’s take a look today at this very painful belief when it runs in the mind: that person should communicate with me.

A memory.

I have an amazing friend who I’ve known only for about two years. We’ve had long conversations about human psychology and development. We share graduate studies in human behavior.

Our connection builds over time, with walks and dinners and attending a fabulous women’s retreat together (which is where we met). We talk into the night.

She comes to my wedding, but I don’t see her much. I notice her absence, but the days of the wedding festivities are so full and so fabulous, I hardly pay attention.

It never crossed my mind something was wrong.

She said she didn’t feel well, and she didn’t attend the rehearsal dinner. I assumed she was taking care of herself.

A week after the wedding, once I was settled back at home with my husband (we were postponing our honeymoon adventure for the following summer) I called her.

I left a message, bubbling with enthusiasm and questions “Did you get to talk with my cousin? Did you meet my aunt and uncle? How are you feeling? So sorry you were sick during all the celebrations. Call me ASAP!”

No call.

I email.

I receive an email back “I’m sooooo busy. Sorry! Didn’t want to bother YOU after your wedding. Off to another wedding, will make contact in a few weeks once my schedule relaxes.”

A month goes by.

I email again.

“Is everything OK?”

I didn’t ask “Are you upset with me?” because I genuinely didn’t have the slightest thought she could be.

So funny, when I know now what she was upset about. She was disturbed by something that never happened, but I can see completely how she was mistaken because of my dry sense of humor when writing.

Or who knows. She saw me through her glasses, and it was someone dangerous. Someone doing something wrong. Someone to be critical of.

I didn’t know it yet, though.

I just felt uneasy.

She should communicate with me.

Is it true?

Yes. This is weird. I love her. We are super close. She’s like a sister to me.

Can I absolutely know that it’s true, she should communicate?

No. I really can’t know this. And I am very happy, without the communication. My life was especially fun and sweet at that moment, post wedding.

How did I react when believing she should communicate?

I begin to review my behavior, or try to guess what’s going on, and I cannot find anything, so I let it go…..over and over again. I compulsively think I must have missed something. I begin to think she just didn’t like something about the wedding? She was uncomfortable with the non-traditional character of it? She didn’t like the people. Something?

I even think “Fine. Be that way” and find benefits for not being her friend. I call her names in my head. I create a list of faults. I’m better off without her.

But it bothers me, like a splinter that won’t come out.

I talk with other friends about it.

I realize I haven’t been fully, completely honest. If I really opened up my heart and spoke freely, I’d call her again and ask her some questions and tell her how I feel.

First, I do The Work. I feel clear.

My living turnaround is “I should communicate with her”.

I call her.

Voice Mail.

I say “I really love and miss you. I’m wondering if something happened. Did I do something to trouble you? You mean so much to me. I just really wanted you to know, I love you.”

I say this with a lot of words, I share some events, I’m trying to stay casual and not make a big dramatic thing out of it. The voice mail even cuts me off and I go ahead and call back and finish my message and say “Goodbye! I hope we get the chance to talk, if you’re able!”

She emails back thanking me for the sweet phone messages and apologizing for all the time gone by and she’s incredibly busy and just can’t talk right now.

I listen a think “huh.”

Maybe the intimate connection was not as I thought.

Who would I be without the belief “she should communicate with me”?

I’d notice she DID communicate with me.

Maybe this is a friendly universe, telling me who not to talk with.

I am indeed an extremely introverted person who adores spending time alone.

I turn the thought around every way possible:

She should not communicate with me. I should communicate with her. I should communicate with myself.

One at a time, I look at these turned around statements.

Given what I learned several months later, I realize she definitely couldn’t communicate with me. Not given what she mistakenly thought I did. But without knowing this yet, in that moment, the way it was good for me that she shouldn’t communicate was where I found my examples: I didn’t have to plan long drives to meet her at an expensive restaurant somewhere, spend a lot of money, feel sleepy the following morning after our binge-conversations. I didn’t have to say “no” to too-frequent invites to get together.

I should communicate with her. Yes, it was so powerful to feel the vulnerability of calling and leaving two messages in a row and saying I loved her. It felt like I exposed the full truth, no matter what she thought of me or what was going on. In the end, there was love.

I should communicate with myself in this situation. Yes, I should enjoy my own thoughts, my own mind trying to sort things out. I should notice what an interesting person I find myself to be, and how much I love, and how good it feels to be a lover of what is.

How could it be good news that person doesn’t communicate with you as you like? What if their communication level is just perfect, not too little, not too much?

“And it appears that I always have a preference for the thing happening now. I prefer the sun in the morning, and I prefer the moon at night. And I prefer to be with the person in front of me now.” ~ Byron Katie

If YOU are the one in front of you now….oh boy. What a treat, what a treat.

Thank you to everyone who gave me the incredible gift of silence, thank you. It’s not always easy.

Or maybe….I could question that.

Much love, Grace

P.S. I’m offering a masterclass webinar next week (you can choose August 4th or August 9th) addressing places we get stuck in inquiry. This concept that someone should communicate differently, or at all, is often one of those sticky, painful concepts, especially if you think badly of yourself because of the silence of someone else. Join me to learn about ways to help yourself get un-stuck with your work. We’ll have an awesome time. To reserve your seat, visit here.

July 25, 2016

Peace Talk: Sam-I-Am Practice for Who You’d Be

Peace Talk Episode 118: Do you notice sometimes, The Work feels like the LAST thing you want to do when you’re overwhelmed with heavy emotion?

Like….I don’t know….say, ANGER, for example?

Identifying common ways people get stuck in self-inquiry can be so helpful….ultimately for yourself.

When you study the ways many humans stop allowing insight like The Work to work, you might recognize one or more of the patterns of resistance are very, very familiar.

Like me, you might think “Gosh….I do that!” (lightbulb turns on!)

As I’ve become more acutely aware of the stories I tell internally about why The Work or any self-inquiry isn’t working, I can see the symptoms of a story coming on before they get really big. Kinda like knowing you’re about to get a head cold because you have a very small tickle in your throat, as opposed to noticing you have the flu and need bedrest when you already have a temperature of 105.

In today’s Peace Talk podcast, I include a little exercise (one of my favorites) I call the Sam-I-Am Practice.

It’s super helpful for me when I’m stuck in my racing mind, frightened, angry, worried, nervous.

I love using it with Question Four the most: Who would you BE without this stressful thought?

“Can you really know that inquiry is not working?…..Be gentle with yourself. Life will bring you everything you need.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. Your comments continuing to come in about why you get blocked, confused or stuck sometimes in The Work are awesome. So, so helpful. It reminds me, we are all one mind–there are no new thoughts! I’ll be using your feedback and all this fantastic information in my upcoming masterclasses in early August….on dissolving barriers to inquiry.

If you know you want to join for sure, the two masterclass options are scheduled for August 4th 5:30-7:30 pm PT and August 9th 9-11 am. You can save your seat here.

July 24, 2016

Stay until you lose your fear

fearmonster — Is what you see really true?

I am stunned by all the responses and comments I’ve been getting to my question….”what are your barriers or sticky points when it comes to The Work?”

If you didn’t get to chime in, you can do it here. It’s one question, that’s it. Be as wordy or as brief as you like.

I’m so glad I’m asking people this question.

Once again, I feel very Not Alone when it comes to the intensity, the power, the fear or the resistance that can be generated in the mind.

You have been sharing quite deeply and honestly.

And the thing is, we all don’t realize we’re thinking a lot of the same things.

It’s like we’ve got this incredible “unit” (the brain) and it works quickly, it’s fantastic at identifying what might threaten us, and it’s running our lives!

Not always in a good way. You know what I’m talking about.

Stress. Worry. Sadness. Disappointment. Suffering.

But reading peoples’ answers about why they bump up against a brick wall when doing The Work, or why they stay kind of fogged out and unclear around how to handle their issues….

….I was struck by something I remembered Byron Katie doing in the recent Being With Byron Katie retreat.

She also speaks about it in Loving What Is.

It is that fear is extremely powerful.

(But not as powerful as love, I notice).

Fear is believing your stressful thoughts. Fear is believing you have cause to worry. It’s believing something terrible happened, and will happen again.

My daughter returns after being with her father for a week.

I’ve bought her a gift that arrived while she was gone. I say “I ordered you a shirt, I think you’ll love it!”

This is rare. I don’t notice or acquire many things, or gifts that are items. I like giving experiences and theater tickets and dates out and trips to special places.

She says “that’s funny, I ordered a shirt for myself, and it looks like the same kind of package.”

Sure enough, while she was away, she bought the exact same t-shirt.

She said with a critical voice “Don’t you remember, I used your credit card to buy it in the first place, and gave you cash? You don’t pay attention to anything.”

She sees me trying it on, now that it looks like I could wear it myself, and adds “and do NOT wear that shirt EVER at the same time as I’m wearing mine!”

I feel the sting of hurt, as I stand there in the kitchen with the t-shirt pulled over my summer tank top. I take it off quickly.

My mind says “she’s so mean” and “she’s so critical” and “she hates me” and “we haven’t seen each other in a week and she has to….” I have a reaction of sadness, then a defense that wants to push out at her.

It’s like an energy that wants to crunch down tightly around this moment, this situation, kind of like a contraction when I was giving birth to this same daughter. All the muscles tighten, the sense of air between us tightens, I want to go to my room.

It’s fear.

Mind says grand statements chattering away like “never!” or “always!” and “depressing!” about the way she acts, or how it is between us.

Is any of that absolutely true?

No.

Who would I be without these thoughts? Who would I be without the feeling of separation between ME and HER? Without me thinking she shouldn’t mind if I wear the same t-shirt as her?!

I don’t even want to wear that t-shirt, to be honest.

What if I could turn everything around I’m objecting to? Allowing it to feel like rain pattering in the room.

Lovely. Sound. Daughter. Shirt. Gift. Not.

She should say these things to me. I shouldn’t say all the things I say to her. I shouldn’t say all the things I say to myself.

Yes, like I shouldn’t use the moment to feel disappointment, or proof I’ve done parenting wrong, or to suddenly have a mood change from open and eager to closed and hurt.

I shouldn’t be following all my thoughts and jumping to wild conclusions like this means HATE and this means CRITICISM. I notice I’m lucky she’s honest, direct, blunt and clear. She’s very loving, too. She helps me slow everything down to simplicity.

Major discussions are not necessary. We don’t need to hash out things for hours.

She also moves on very quickly, not holding resentment. We talk later, like the t-shirt incident never happened.

I notice after The Work, I adore her. Even though she went to bed hours ago and she’s not in the room with me and nowhere in sight, except in my thoughts.

And I then think the thought that changes it all, in an instant.

Examples for why I shouldn’t speak meanly to myself, I shouldn’t talk to me with criticism. I shouldn’t say I’ve been a bad parent.

I’m an awesome parent. I’m doing the best I can. I’m being lived. I’m not doing this. I’m not guilty.

No fear.

A sense of trust.

Yes, also a mind saying “but what about tomorrow when this might happen again” but I don’t automatically think it’s true.

Katie answers a question from someone in the Q & A section at the end of Loving What Is: What if my suffering is too intense?

She responds: “In this state, it’s very difficult to do The Work for the love of truth because you’re invested in your story. Your story is your identity, and you’d do almost anything to prove that it’s true.”

That’s the power of fear.

I must prove my story (daughter hates me, is mean to me, rejects me) and this story is a bad, sad story. I cannot love what is. Impossible. Reality got this wrong.

Here again, I notice love is more powerful. If love is truth, clarity, willingness to stop and sit with this, willingness to give up my story.

I wrote an ebook looking at some very useful ingredients that helped me slow down and stay with this profound inquiry process known as The Work. Pillars to hold it steady, really.

The Work for me is not just a bunch of questions….it’s a way to open to a new, more expansive, mysterious world. A brilliant one.

I’d love for you to have the eguide: Four Pillars To Deepen The Work and Bring It Home To Yourself.

One of the pillars is STAY. I share what this means for me.

Download the eguide here.

Let me know what you think, and share it freely with anyone if you like. I hope you’ll use it, if you’ve noticed your own blocks, barriers, walls or resistance to doing The Work, like you’re not finding answers bringing greater love.

“Stay until you lose your fear….Ego can’t stand up to ‘Is It True?’ in the silence.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

July 22, 2016

Eating Peace: What happens when you question “this is ugly!”

It’s so common to think your body is ugly, or some part of it is ugly, that I used to not even notice I was thinking it.

It was automatic. Like…of COURSE that needs improvement. Of COURSE that’s gross.

But after I learned how to do The Work of Byron Katie and question my stressful thoughts, I applied it to the belief “this is ugly”.

Wow.

In today’s video I share something I saw on my body not long ago, and I stared at it in fascination (a scar). In the past I would have thought of it as ugly, but on the inside I didn’t feel that old pain at all.

I give credit for that freedom to The Work.

You can do this, too.

Eating Peace: Do you think something about your body is ugly? You can find peace with this kind of thinking.

Much love,

Grace

July 20, 2016

Three Underworld Beliefs that keep The Work (enlightenment) away

snuffedcandles — Are you believing some thoughts that keep you in the dark?

I remember my March 2005 School for The Work.

It was a truly remarkable experience for me. Like, one of the most transformational times of my entire life.

Something in my mind cracked apart as I began to understand what it really meant to have stories….stressful stories….about being a human being. I had spent so much of my life scared and nervous.

And it wasn’t necessary.

Before going to the School and hanging out with Byron Katie, I had never really understood, even though I had read Loving What Is, what it actually meant to genuinely answer the question “Is it true?”

It occurred to me, each day that passed during those nine days in March 2005, that I could ask this question “is it true?” not only about the troubling relationships or encounters I had in my life, but also about money, my body, my family, my home, my childhood, my identity, the future….

….basically every single story I ever had.

Woah.

Then, I left.

I felt almost giddy on the airplane home. So much less fear. Like a weight had been lifted off of me about where, how, when, or what life was supposed to be like.

I realized, I didn’t know anything for sure–in a really good way! Not a scary way!

A few weeks went by.

And a few months.

Yes, I took long walks listening to the music I first heard in the School of Deva Premal (gorgeous). Yes, I connected with new friends I had just met at that school, and we talked on the phone. Yes, my life had unexpected changes that propelled me to continue my self-examination. Yes, I traded facilitation of The Work with people as often as possible at first, then a little less, then a crisis and it would be more, then a little less, then a little less, then….

It was early fall. Almost six months since that nine day school.

I saw a post come across my email announcing someone who was teaching a teleclass where everyone would be doing The Work.

I had the thought:

“Why on earth would I ever pay to take a course in The Work? It’s only four questions. I know what to do! I’ve been to the School for The Work for crying out loud.”

But even though I was then going through separation in my marriage, and my life was entirely up in the air, I just didn’t seem to get around to doing The Work all the time, like I had before.

What is that?

We know we enjoy something, we know we feel better, we know it provides awareness, or relief, or health, or greater joy.

But there’s such an urge to find, at least in me (and I’ve heard from others) an Easier Softer Way.

Sure, I’ll do The Work if I’m about to go insane, or I’m really freaking out, but if things are groovin’ along OK, then why bother?

It’s like there’s a big energy (call it ego if you like) that doesn’t want to work, doesn’t want to discover a damn thing, wants everything to be easy, wants to remain a victim or someone who is being tortured (oh the drama), and really feels threatened by the actual loss of Story Power.

I say Story Power because oooooh, doesn’t a great story have amazing power to make you laugh, cry, snort, sob, howl, release, feel excited?

I love stories! Stories are so awesome!

However…NOT when I forget they’re stories, and NOT when they appear to be frightening stories. (I don’t go to horror movies, I just invent them in my mind).

As I watched this phenomena within myself take place of moving in and out of stories, taking something very seriously, taking something personally, feeling conflict….

….I noticed some interesting patterns.

There were three typical ways I’d stop doing The Work, and start thinking obsessively instead.

They came out of believing the following concepts to be very, very true. So true, I couldn’t answer the four questions anymore. I was busy!

1) I need more information

Oh boy. Have you ever had this idea?

I need to study, gather, ask tons of questions, read, analyze, get more data, figure out who did it, how it happened, and if I did something wrong. I have to figure this out, map it out, explain it. I have to find out what’s worked for other people, or not worked, I have to see if anything terrible has ever happened to anyone who answered the questions. Must. Get. More.

(This can keep you very busy, very distracted, very active for a lifetime. Just saying. Not that I would know about it).

2) I can do it by myself

Relying on other people is such a pain! Anything worth doing has to be done because I want to, not anyone else. Yeah, that’s right! Don’t I have to do most things by myself, anyway? Shouldn’t I be able to figure life out on my own? I mean, really. Come on. Depending on others for help is a major hassle. I prefer independence.

(I don’t know about you, but this kept me from going to therapy for several years even though I was a wreck, kept me from joining scary support groups, and kept me from being authentically honest with other humans, and kept me from asking for help.

And, oh yeah, from doing The Work thoroughly and deeply. When on my own, I did The Work in five minutes. While driving.)

3) I’d rather forget than face my fears

This one isn’t always up front in consciousness, because the very nature of this thought is to stay murky, and avoid and make sure no matter what, the scary vision is not faced.

I would act like I wanted to look and examine things directly, but gosh, I have errands to run, movies to watch, work to do, money to count or earn, dishes to wash. It’s so uncomfortable to look at these inner painful thoughts and situations from the past. Can’t we just forget about it all? I don’t want to get too stirred up!

These efforts to Not See would show up in various forms and activities repeatedly.

I even started recognizing different small patterns. Call them fog, or smog, as I’ve heard Byron Katie refer to confusion or lack of clarity.

Today, I’d love to hear from you. But only if you’ve ever noticed something sticky, or a barrier, or fog entering your vision.

Why?

Because I’m putting together a masterclass on a whole myriad of ways I’ve found the trickster mind, or ego, or self-centered identity, try to move away from The Work (or any kind of peace and rest, in any situation).

I find this impulse incredibly fascinating, and I’ve discovered that shining a light on it has brought a deep awareness.

Have you felt like The Work doesn’t work for you sometimes? Have you noticed how the funny mind has a whole commentary about questioning thought? Have you laughed at how goofy it is that you bump up against the very same issues over and over again?

If you would be so kind to say a few words in this survey, I’ll know to address whatever you share in the classes in early August.

It would be so wonderful if you would take only 4 minutes to answer one question about your experience with The Work (it’s anonymous): Click Here

The things you don’t work, I call them the Underworld. Because without those worked, [ego] overrides awareness. Like smog. Dirty water you can’t see through. Unfinished business…..The ego loves Yeah, but….” ~ Byron Katie during Being With Byron Katie 2016

Today, eleven years after that first School for The Work, I’m still learning almost daily. I find this stunning. I love The Work more than I once did, I think. How very odd. You would think I’d have gotten bored by now, considering my busy brain.

But it’s a phenomenal adventure, letting go of the personal identity and need to argue with reality, or with life….and opening up to more love than I ever thought possible.

Can’t wait to hear more about your apparent “problems” and play with the “solutions” to really “getting” this work. My favorite.

Much love, Grace

P.S. Even though I accidentally sent a link to the upcoming August masterclasses a wee bit early the other day, I wasn’t quite ready with it yet. Ugly registration page! I’ll be sure to keep you posted so you can sign up at the end of next week. And if You DID sign up, we got you covered (you’re in).

July 19, 2016

Forgive yourself for seeking approval: Peace Talk podcast

When I was a kid, I distinctly remember not caring about other peoples’ approval.

Not all the time.

But I remember the feeling really well, like a free-form state of absolute comfort being alone with myself.

This may have been age 4.

Then something happened (like I share in the newest Peace Talk Episode 117) where I felt driven by the need for approval and doing it right, instead of doing whatever I wanted to do.

And from there the concerned continued. I was critical of myself for wanting approval.

Oyes, I couldn’t win.

The other day, considering my own inquiry, I noticed a loosening up on a belief I didn’t even realized was pretty stressful: I shouldn’t have wanted my grandpa’s approval so badly.

Or my mom’s. Or my dad’s. Or all my sisters or grandparents, teachers, adults….well, the list goes on into adulthood.

I shouldn’t have wanted their approval, is it true?

Peace Talk is now on IHeartRadio, too.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. I am planning a wonderful masterclass with slides and interaction, to look at the big reasons I’ve heard (or, ahem, experienced myself) about why The Work or inquiring into a thought doesn’t seem to “work”, when it doesn’t.

I’ve got a great list to share. If you’re interested….you’ll be the first to sign up. Just click here to register. Share the link with any inquirers you know who might love to participate to find out why, how, where or what they’re getting stuck in.