This Thursday is the very first masterclass: Bringing The Work Home–Ten Barriers For Doing Self-Inquiry for Deep Transformational Change….And How To Dissolve Them.
I’ll be offering it at 5:30-7:30 pm Thursday, then next week on Tuesday August 9th again from 8:30-10:30 am. If you’re interested in this topic and want to join me to refine your work, identify what’s bothering you, sink in a little deeper to your process or practice, then sign up here.
Speaking of scheduling classes, I have to confess I’ve been working so hard behind the scenes to research, learn, summarize and deepen this work for myself, so I can share it with others….
….it feels like I’m very deeply into it. I care.
I notice sometimes with care, along comes worry.
Worrying is a strange form of stress.
We all know it’s uncomfortable, but not necessarily debilitating. It doesn’t prevent us from living life and going about our business.
Unless.
If we start worrying constantly, or repetitively worrying about the same thing (which basically defines worry-thinking about the same thing over and over with no sense of peace) then the thoughts we’re thinking, seeing, and imagining can result in a constant sense of tension, tightness, and even low-grade anxiety.
The funny thing I’ve noticed about worry is how it doesn’t feel acutely serious, so it’s easy to dismiss.
“This isn’t that bad. It might not happen. I already know this is just me. Everything’s probably OK. I should stop thinking about it. I’ll do something to distract myself.”
I’ve noticed, however, when I have a worry that returns persistently, it’s time for The Work.
I began to watch my worries over time, so I could study them instead of write them off as an over-reactive mind, or a tendency towards anxiety, or label myself as a compulsive thinker/worrier who SHOULD be more optimistic.
I noticed some themes.
Someone else is going to have a difficult time emotionally. Someone else is sad, depressed, or angry. I will experience rejection, abandonment, criticism. Someone else could experience waiting, nervousness, upset, or despair. Or I could. Someone, or me, could fail. I could die. Someone else could die. I might suffer. Someone else might suffer.
Basically they could all fall under the category “suffering could happen”. Whether it’s me or someone else.
And then I see all the imaginary visions of proof. I see in my head many ways this suffering could be possible, whether I heard about it before from someone else, or saw it on TV or in the movies or in a book, or it happened to me directly.
I know it’s a huge common Big Kahuna belief to think “I could suffer!” and it’s very general….but let’s question it anyway. (And maybe this is the ultimate only stressful thought, ever).
Let’s take a look.
Right now, find one situation where you think it could go awry, or things might not turn out great, or you might lose. Any place you notice worry arise in you. Parents often experience this about their kids. People experience this about events coming where they hope it goes a certain way. Relationships. Money. Health. Success.
You get the idea.
Just pick one thing you notice you worry about that’s coming along down the road.
I noticed the other day, I’m thinking about these upcoming masterclasses I’m teaching. Little flits of sensation I could call worry occur, as I construct the format and get the slide presentation ready and hope the technology works (no internet break-downs please). As I wonder what to include and what not to include, and wonder why I picked TEN barriers to self-inquiry because while I do have a nice big juicy list, ten is a lot to cover. As I add all the ways to work with these “barriers” and crack them open AND make sure to add some important ingredients. It’s all a LOT of information. And I want to work with those of you who are there in the live Q & A and read what you share, and respond. And. And. And.
A friend of mine has a race she’s going to be running.
She has the very same kind of experience when thinking about her event. She pictures the start, how it will feel running, anticipating her own fuel needs like that goo stuff you eat for long marathon runs, and water, and wearing the right clothing.
The planning is great, and wise….but the feeling of worry is not so fun, and can interrupt a good night’s sleep or make the day you’re in NOW feel full of thoughts about this later moment. Ugh.
You could suffer during that event or experience.
Is it true?
Yes! I could! It would be a major bummer if the internet cut out!
OK, now pause.
One of my favorite exercises is allowing the scene to come to mind of the Worst Case Scenario.
I’m in my house, my deluxe headset is on, I’m sitting on my couch next to the internet router, and bam. The electricity goes out in the entire house.
I can’t see my own slide presentation, the computer has the spinning wheel, I hear nothing, people are waiting, I’ve put a lot of work into this, people have shown up, and now it’s FAILING.
Now, I can write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on that situation, the imaginary future horrible worst case scenario moment.
The JYN, in case you’re not super familiar with The Work, is the very first preparation step where you answer six questions about WHY you are upset in that situation, and what you think would fix it, or help.
To capture these concepts on paper is very powerful. Because then, you’ve got words to match your worried feeling. You actually get to sit with your worry instead of brush it away like an annoying insect.
Or even worse you don’t treat this worry like you SHOULD be thinking more positively, or else….and yet you can’t (all that pressure).
Now, after I write the JYN on this terrible future moment, I’m more clear about the situation I imagine would cause great suffering for me.
In THAT situation, I could suffer. Is it absolutely true?
Hmmm. Well. I never thought of this before. Could it be possible to Not Suffer in this situation of internet, phone, technology failure with people waiting and all my preparation gone to nada?
Yes, it is possible I could not suffer. Wow.
I can’t absolutely know that it’s true that I would suffer.
But even if you have a situation where you think it IS true that you’d suffer for sure, you get to keep going with the four questions.
How do you react when you believe this situation would cause suffering?
Worry, worry, worry.
Who would you be without this belief, that you could suffer if it went the way you’re imagining?
I picture again this worst case scenario, without the belief that it could cause suffering for me.
Without the belief that it would mean failure, doom, rejection, abandonment.
Wow.
Without this belief, I notice it’s kind of funny. A little chuckle appears in my consciousness.
Without the belief that This Means Suffering….I kind of think “Huh, what d’ya know. It’s going this way. Fascinating.”
This doesn’t mean I might not like it for awhile. It might be very uncomfortable. I might have no idea what to do next.
You might be dealing with a much bigger “threat” where you believe you will suffer, perhaps for a long time, or that others will suffer, or both.
But can you imagine, just a little bit, what it would be like to not believe you will permanently suffer over this, or that it doesn’t have some powerfully good consequences, or that it’s not as bad as you think?
That’s who you’d be without the thought.
Turning it around every way I find is truer:
Suffering could not happen at all. Suffering is not happening to “me” personally (it is not unique and directed to only me). Suffering will happen for sure….but it’s not a terrible thing (not as terrible as I THINK). Suffering could happen in my thinking (only) not in reality.
Or even, this turnaround: Lack of suffering (joy, peace, love) could happen, in this situation.
Holy Smokes.
Once again I feel the awareness of nothing being able to knock me away from a center of love, emptiness and freedom. It is without the knowing mind. It is without mind thinking, or not thinking–it can do what it wants.
And something here is OK, no matter what happens or doesn’t. No matter what has ever happened, something is present right here. Alive and conscious. Aware. Seeing.
“If you think there’s a problem, your work isn’t done.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is
I hope you’ll join me in the upcoming masterclass if you have two hours to set aside and you love deepening your work by looking at common sticky spots humans have when using The Work or inquiring into their minds.
I can’t wait. Although, actually, it turns out, I can….and happily.
Much love,
Grace