Tag: suffering

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How to stop worrying about someone else’s worrying

In only one week from today, what I already know will be an amazing time will begin. Six days in a row of being with others together online (zoom) to delve deeply into The Work and self-inquiry.

(Scroll to the end to get the daily schedule and info).

I’m co-facilitating this one with my colleague and friend Tom Compton. He’s brilliant and well-seasoned in The Work: for over 30 years he’s been doing this process and sitting in the four questions, along with working with other people.

We have absolutely loved co-facilitating retreats together.

We’re so looking forward to doing it again.

Here’s me interviewing Tom about his experience with The Work, in case you’d like to get to know him a little better:

One thing we’ll be asking everyone attending retreat (I’m asking myself right now):

What’s been scaring you, making you nervous, irritating you, or bringing despair?

What do you notice bothers or disturbs your psyche, your mood, your inner natural experience of peace?

Recently, I had an awareness of something that seemed important.

How do I know it was important–at least important for inquiry?

It disturbed me.

Someone who I adore and have known their entire life shared how angry they’ve been with the world and a situation they’ve encountered.

Have you ever had someone close to you share something deeply disturbing, and you clench up yourself?

“Yikes, that sounds terrible,” we might say.

I noticed I saw visions of them being depressed. A picture of them with head in hands, lonely and sad, scheming on suicidal thoughts.

They did NOT tell me they were suicidal specifically.

But oh look what the mind did.

We join with the person who is crying “this is so awful, really it is so so so awful.”

Nothing wrong with that. Except.

When I begin to believe they are not safe, they are not loved, they are not capable, they are suffering terribly.

Something about sitting with someone who is doing The Work, incidentally, I entirely trust the process.

I don’t “worry”.

I know they’re OK, they are working on it, they are underway with the power of love at their side.

But this was someone who doesn’t exactly do The Work and there they were, sharing about the depth of their misery.

That person is miserable.

What do you think this means, that they’re miserable? I noticed for me, that was where the fear rose up. It means they don’t want to live. It means they’ve lost their happiness.

Is it true, they shouldn’t be so miserable?

I don’t know.

So, no.

What happens when you believe it’s true?

WORRY.

Trying to problem-solve, figure out how to handle the situation, make it better, give suggestions, offer advice, offer to jump in and take care.

There can be a whole list of what would “make it better” that they need to “get”.

Not that there’s anything wrong with reaching out or being there to help. But this is noticing I was doing it with FEAR in the background.

So who would I be without the belief this person is fundamentally miserable?

This can sound cold to even consider. Like you don’t care about them and their perspective.

But I sat for a moment, imagining this person I love dearly seeming to be so stuck and unhappy and angry…

…without the belief “they are miserable–and this must be fixed by me, as soon as possible. I must help! This is dangerous!”

Without this belief, I stay present.

I’m not afraid to be with someone who is suffering. I might say “if you ever want to try doing The Work, I’m available and here for you”. I check in on them.

I remember suddenly the way I felt when I started hospice work on a really beautiful research project run through the University of Washington almost 20 years ago. My very first patient I saw as a research assistant, I felt trepidation entering her apartment. She was dying of breast cancer. I asked her many questions about pain, depression, emotions and fears. All of them pre-written for this project.

Once I was finished speaking with her and back in my little car in the rainy parking lot, I sobbed.

But then, it got easier and easier. By the fifth person, I was able to sit with them and know nothing was required except to be there and ask the questions they had already agreed to be asked. I enjoyed my job so much, I was shocked. It felt so genuine, so real.

Back to my loved one.

I noticed this person said “I don’t want any advice. I just want you to hear me”.

So good to know. Reality tells you what’s needed.

No Advice. No problem-solving.

Turning the thought around: If someone tells a terrible story, it does NOT mean they’ll be miserable forever, or suicidal, or broken.

It means they’re whole, intact, aware, moving towards joy.

Could it be just as true?

Why not? Don’t I notice the power of healing, of freedom and joy over and over again?

Yes I do.

Turning the thought around again: If someone tells me their miserable story, my thinking is miserable…not them.

Wow. Yes, I joined in.

I added some anxiety to the pot even.

I believed, just like them.

This person gave me the opportunity to hold and question a thought that misery must be stopped….that it doesn’t stop itself.

I imagined God, reality, support, love, source, mystery, magic and miracles were not possible in this situation, were not already underway.

Oops.

Who needs God, when we have my opinion?

Byron Katie used to say this with a smile from time to time sitting with people who made extra good cases for their misery and suffering and terrible predicaments.

I loved it when I first heard it.

I love noticing that tendency within me that says “No thanks, reality…I’ll take care of this myself! You obviously don’t know how to manage things around here!”

That mind that doesn’t believe love and rest and abundance and ease is possible in certain situations. That mind that doesn’t remember everything passes, and nothing is All Bad. That mind that is not in charge of other people’s healing.

Or my own, for that matter.

I can’t give you anything you don’t already have. Self-inquiry allows you access to the wisdom that already exists within you. It gives you the opportunity to realize the truth for yourself. Truth doesn’t come or go; it’s always here, always available to the open mind. If I can teach you anything, it is to identify the stressful thoughts that you’re believing and to question them, to get still enough so that you can hear your own answers. Stress is the gift that alerts you to your asleepness. Feelings like anger or sadness exist only to alert you to the fact that you’re believing your own stories. The Work gives you a portal into wisdom, a way to tap into the answers that wake you up to your true nature, until you realize how all suffering is caused and how it can be ended. It returns you to before the beginning of things. Who would you be without your identity?

Winter Retreat meets Dec 1-6, 2020 with two sessions a day (Pacific Time) and 4 hours in between for partner pairing and digesting and silence.

9am-11:30am Pacific Time daily and 3:30-6:00pm Pacific Time daily. Every session recorded for those who need to miss and listen later because of timezone.

Still room for a few more. Read more and sign up here.

Sliding scale.

Much love,
Grace

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It’s too much. I quit.

Wow. Unexpected incoming communication.

Two people can’t make the fall retreat.

A dear friend passed away of cancer.

Surprise news that what I thought I was offering in Year of Inquiry for “credit” was not the case inside Institute for The Work.

I hear a story about a very close friend from his family member that’s sort of shocking and weird.

Violence in Las Vegas.

More hurricanes.

Someone sends a really direct, cold email asking “Why did you do that? Don’t ever do that again!”

Weird, abrupt commentary and communication. A lot of it.

I notice I feel a little taken aback. Something’s shaky. The world seems a bit wobbly, or my feelings about the future. I sense things moving away from me. I feel like sadness is behind things, surprise and hurt, and grief.

I’m now anticipating something else could be incoming. I’m bracing myself. Storms.

I have an image of someone getting beaten up or kicked and they just go into a protective ball and wait until the one doing the kicking stops. (And I suppose the one kicking is the world, reality).

Kind of dramatic. Definitely Not Friendly.

I note that none of the incoming pieces of information are unmanageable all by themselves. I even laughed when one of two of them first arrived. Chuckle…that story about my dear friend can’t be true, can it? Haw…that’s bizarre with the whole credit-offering process for my year long immersion program getting withdrawn.

Yikes…that person’s email is so over-the-top. Ouch, in-breath gasp, more shootings. Ack, so many people without shelter.

It’s just they started adding up.

The reason I could tell I was getting a little over-filled with some dramatic or sudden incoming information or cold human behavior?

I had the thought “I’m shutting everything down.”

When I have this thought, it means I’m believing something’s too much, too heavy, too chaotic, too difficult….and one of my Go-To thoughts is STOP IT ALL!

In one hour I imagined selling my little cottage, breaking up with my husband, leaving the city I live in, canceling my plans to build a cottage for my mom in my back yard, quitting my business, and ditching town for another continent.

I know I need to do The Work, when this happens. Even if I’m not believing everything I think.

This is too much. I can’t take it anymore.

Have you ever had this thought? You’re getting pushed to the limit. Not one more thing.

An inquirer the other day in our Year of Inquiry group was just feeling liberated after doing a month of The Work around his separation from his wife. Then they skyped, she told him some different news, and he had the thought “Not more of this! I can’t take it!”

Another inquirer I once worked with had done several years of The Work around her suicidal teenaged daughter. The threats were in the past, she felt alive and free again. And then her daughter said she was pregnant. “Noooo! I can’t take this! I’m pushed past my limit!”

One of my relatives had a fender bender, and hours later had her purse stolen, and a few hours after that her toilets overflowed in her house. “This is too much! Why me?!”

It’s funny how sometimes the stress piles up. It’s one thing, then another, then another. Piling up to feel like the water’s getting too deep and we’re going to drown.

Let’s do The Work.

Is it true?

Waaaah. Yeeeesssss. It’s too much at once. Nooooo moooore!

Can you absolutely know it’s true?

Sniff.

How do you react when you believe it’s too much and you can’t take it!?

I feel smaller, closed in. I have images of the collapse of life as I know it. Doom. Gloom. Scary pictures. Separation. I don’t feel helpful to other people. I pull in and do Sea Anemone Pose. (That’s the yoga pose of those little sea creatures when they squeeze into a tiny ball because something threatening is swimming overhead).

Who would you be without this thought that it’s just too much?

Noticing how life has gone on, quite fully.

Someone else sent a beautiful, friendly, kind email. Someone called and left a lovely message. Someone pinged facebook messenger with a sweet question about a mutual friend. One of my favorite broadway guys raised a ton of money for Puerto Rico.

I hear the dryer full of laundry rolling around, comfortingly. The quiet sun coming through the blinds. The soft eyes of an inquirer who came to spend 3 hours of time (a mini-retreat) with me yesterday afternoon who shared so honestly.

I consider the profound sorrow and courage of the Year of Inquiry group this week going deep, deep, deep as we entered our Family of Origin topic and people did The Work on their childhood despair, violence, fear, suicide, uncomfortable sexual moments, feeling shame.

Hmmm. Holding all this is a lot.

But not too much. I’m breathing. I’m writing. I’m here.

Turning the thought around: It’s not too much. My thinking is too much. “It” is too little. 

Could these be just as true, or truer?

I see that “it” (reality, the world, all these communications, what I’m going through) is not too much. I’m alive. I’m still upright.

My thinking is the thing filled with images, threats, future fears. It repeats the same concerns over and over again. Someone wrote me one cold email, and I consider it 12 times more. A friend gets sick and dies, and I feel the whole world is sad. I see images of terrible weather patterns increasing.

What about the turnaround that “it” (reality, all the incoming experiences) are too little?

Too little to change the inner sense of being here, feeling alive. Too little compared to the vastness of all I can be aware of, which is much more than all these things.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses 

your understanding. 

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its 

heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. 

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the 
daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem 

less wondrous than your joy; 

And you would accept the seasons of your heart, 
even as you have always accepted the seasons that 

pass over your fields. 

And you would watch with serenity through the 

winters of your grief. 

Much of your pain is self-chosen. 

It is the bitter potion by which the physician 

within you heals your sick self. 

Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy 
in silence and tranquillity: 

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by 
the tender hand of the Unseen, 

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has 
been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has 
moistened with His own sacred tears.

Kahlil Gibran

Who would I be without my story? Doing what I can to help. Connecting with other people. Feeling peace, silence, being.

Watching how things come, and go, like waves or the tide.
Much love,
Grace
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Here’s the bottom line

Countdown to Year of Inquiry starting next week with Orientation, and the following week with live calls. We’re very close to full.

I love beginning the new year in September. It’s probably conditioning from schooling my entire childhood. It begins to feel like fall, with more orange sun, longer shadows, slightly shorter days. And my hands are clapping to think of sitting in self-inquiry with all the wonderful people showing up to share a year together.

There are 3 final spots open for the FULL program (receiving ITW credit for the equivalent of a School for The Work plus 80 more partnering credits plus a few more for a total of 166).

Two people asked about receiving credit inside ITW even if they’ve already completed two Schools for The Work. The answer is YES, you’d get credit in ITW for this Year of Inquiry program if you complete it in full, even if you’ve got two schools or more already on your certification resume.

So if you are interested in really diving in to full blown training and moving towards certification in The Work, being in your own investigation of what has stressed you in your life, and being a part of a group doing this together for a year….join us in this deep way to practice and sink into The Work as a way of living.

If you have questions about the full program, I’m happy to talk (press reply and we’ll set up a time). The fee for the FULL program earning all credits in the Institute for The Work is $3200 (or you can have the option of paying monthly). You’ll come to two retreats in Seattle (October and May) and partner with someone in the group once a month (you’ll receive a partner assignment, you don’t have to choose a partner yourself).

To join sign up here (you’ll see links at the bottom for your program choice): JOIN NOW.

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How do we know something’s stressful?

We feel it. Anger, rage, horror, terror, anxiety, shock, worry, sadness.

When feelings are really big….they can’t be missed.

But what about less obvious emotions? What if you feel just a slight irritation, or annoyance, or boredom?

Sometimes, when a feeling isn’t so crushing (and sometimes even when it is)….we humans can tend to move with speed towards the first instinctual order of business: Stop the feeling!! I want to get off!! 

Think about what it’s like when you take care of an upset baby.

We begin to try to figure out why the baby is crying, angry, fearful, distressed. If all basics are handled (hungry, thirsty, tired, diaper changed) then we often move to cheer the baby up. We shake shiny things, sing songs, make goofy noises, snap our fingers, bounce.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that….it’s often what works beautifully for babies.

As adults, however, there may be more than survival-level disturbances or needs. We are fed, clothed, watered and awake. Needs are met in the physical world.

Yet, instead of inquiring, writing, and studying more deeply what might be bothering us, we automatically want to shake shiny things. Eat, drink, smoke, nap, sneak, watch netflix, internet, clean, text, date, buy, spend, work.

Make the distress stop! 

If the stress stems from a disturbance in the mind, however, based on believing what you think as the Truth….

….no shiny thing will ever really work to end the suffering.

(I tried it with food, and it wasn’t pretty).

It may be interesting for awhile, but then, if you’re like me, you might feel haunted by ghosts from the past, or images of what terrible thing might happen in the future.

It goes unresolved until you inquire into the nature of what you fear, or of what you find most heart-breaking.

The good news?

Sitting with the pain and difficulty, and the feelings–whether big or small–winds up being the easier way.

It’s weird, I know. Am I saying the harder way is the easier way?

Yeah, I basically AM saying the “harder” way (feeling strongly, looking at the suffering directly) is easier.

The best way I know how to do this….and it involves listening to the mind and including it as a companion, not an enemy….

….is The Work.

Even if you never join Year of Inquiry or any other group program, you can do The Work. You can do it for free.

First, sit down and think of ONE thing only that’s bothering you. Maybe in the back of your mind. One person who betrayed you, or hurt you, or who you haven’t forgiven.

Remembering that person, see the situation that disturbs you most, and write it down using a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

Be so very honest on this worksheet. Furious, desperate, vengeful, grief-stricken.

It might be really, really uncomfortable….but you’ve got four questions. The secret sauce to transformation. The end of having to keep talking about that problem endlessly.

You can do this!

“Here’s the bottom line: suffering is optional. If you prefer to suffer, go on believing your stressful thoughts. But if you’d rather be happy, question them.” ~ Byron Katie in A Mind At Home With Itself

Much love,
Grace

P.S. Here’s the latest Peace Talk podcast on boredom stress. Enjoy and let me know what you think. Leave a review on itunes if you’re able to figure out how to leave reviews (LOL).

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Batten down the hatches! Suffering could happen!

stormatsea
The ultimate preparation for story weather….four questions known as The Work

As September 1st rolls into clear view this week I’m immersed in preparing an Orientation for all the new Year of Inquiry participants.

September always feels like the start of something new. End of summer, beginning of more indoor time.

I grew up going to school every single September of my whole childhood, and young adulthood.

It gets in your bones. A conditioned feeling of preparing. Movement into growing darkness. Movement into the internal life. More quiet, scholarly work. Get the harvest in, hibernation is coming.

Winter on the distant horizon.

Batten down the hatches!

People in my family said “batten down the hatches” like so many historical shipping phrases, even though no one worked at sea or was a part of sea life for generations.

The hatches are the openings to the sky. The crew covered them tightly with wooden “battens” and canvas when a storm was coming. Preparing for rough seas ahead.

Which is a bit dramatic, perhaps, about the movement into autumn, here in the northern hemisphere where I live.

And yet, I used to truly feel this way internally about silence, darkness, quiet, emptiness, space.

Going within meant remembering. It meant Alone. Lonely. Sad. Despairing. Lost. Afraid. Untethered.

I almost wasn’t aware I had this dread, either.

Until I sat down to meditate, or had too open a schedule without a to-do list.

Then, when I was alone and silent, instead of “peace and quiet” it felt like the volume went UP on anxiety, sadness, grief.

I’d want to see a movie, read a good book or “accomplish” something….or in the past: eat, drink, smoke, physically move (exercise), listen to self-improvement audios.

So yesterday, I guess it was no surprise really at the end of summer on an overcast day with tiny raindrops….

….Gosh. It seems like a really good day to start cleaning out the shed, organizing things to take to the dump, make a stack of For Sale items and Giveaways. Put on gloves and haul, stack, throw away, go through 15 year old files. Watch videos briefly on how to move the shed once it’s emptied.

Get ready.

I was alone and doing this almost all day. Phone in the house, computer lying idle. Physical movement, thoughts dancing through.

It does feel good to “do” a job. It still often feels initially better than sitting in silence and stillness.

At least, according to my mind, which comes up with all kinds of reasons why moving slower and sitting quietly is bad.

In quiet sitting, I might feel worried, troubled, afraid, or bored.

Which is probably why I love The Work so very much.

There’s something to “do” with all those thoughts, with that thinking energy. With the feelings of wanting to “batten down the hatches.”

The Work asks, like a little innocent kid…..

….Hey you! Over there! Yes, you! The one running so fast and so busy and working so hard and “doing” lots of stuff!? YOU! 

What are you doing over there, preparing for a big storm? What storm do you think is coming? Why do you think so? Where did you ever get that idea? What are you so worried about?

I love that The Work invites you to actually look at the storm, rather than simply assume it’s coming.

The Work asks “is it true?”

You get to sit in meditation and wonder about your answer, and maybe not answer quite so fast.

And instead of being aware of a huge storm, you can look at one rain squall at a time, and look with a clear pair of safety glasses at that one situation only. That one conversation, that one upset, that one argument, that one moment with that person who scared you, tormented you, disappointed you.

Last night, after my satisfying day of doing (especially according to the one who likes to see accomplishments)….

…..I sat quietly and pondered the Year of Inquiry group, everyone about to start inquiring together on our journeys within.

One person had withdrawn during the day via email, and another one joined.

I updated my list.

I then closed my eyes and held still, feeling the deep appreciation for this moment exactly as it is, without a single need to improve, or take away, or fix, or add, or change anything.

Feeling so grateful for all those preparing to join me, with a joy that inquiry will be in our pockets as a special tool for the entire fall, winter, spring, and then in Summer Camp for The Mind (always included for Year of Inquiry friends).

I love that if I feel upset, whether a drop or a huge brewing storm or a downpour of upset….

….I have four questions, and finding turnarounds.

And I have people to do it with once, twice or three times a week….

….for all the months ahead, through holidays and travels and cold weather and political change and relationship worries and the movement of life.

Even if you’re not doing something as big of a commitment as Year of Inquiry, there are ways to “do” The Work and get it done, as Byron Katie says.

Call the Helpline, get a fabulous partner to connect with regularly. Set time aside to sit and write out your work, if you’re able and willing.

If you’re thinking of joining Year of Inquiry, I’m creating an Orientation presentation that’s brand new (first time I’ve done it).

This Orientation will help people know exactly how to dial in no matter where they live, access the recordings of our calls, prepare for partnering (which is optional), share on our private forum, and enter their own inner world with the best “batten” I could ever imagine having….

….The Work.

The Work is a ‘batten’ to “batten down the hatches” of overwhelming, wild, freaked out, grief-riddled storms.

The Work addresses all the storms experienced in the PAST, the ones I already lived through that made such lasting impressions on me.

And low and behold, when these become less frightening, less dark, light spring rains, or even the sunniest weather I could ever have imagined with crystal clear blue skies….

….then there’s no fear of the future, or winter, anymore.

“The Work is merely four questions; it’s not even a thing. It has no motive, no strings. It’s nothing without your answers. These four questions will join any program you’ve got and enhance it. Any religion you have–they’ll enhance it. If you have no religion, they will bring you joy. And they’ll burn up anything that isn’t true for you. They’ll burn through to the reality that has always been waiting.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is.

If you’re ready for companionship and joining fellow inquirers to help you stay in The Work and “get it done” then come join us in a Year of Inquiry. Three time zones allow you to connect at least once a week, for 3 weeks every month. You’ll then choose if you’d like to be paired with someone in the group (highly recommended) for a month at a time, getting the support of others and sharing in such a deep way, people make life-long friends.

When I left the School for The Work in 2005, I noticed I just did not do The Work that often.

It didn’t fit into the category of “doing”. It was more like sitting still in silence, meditating. Good for me like eating raw broccoli perhaps, but I couldn’t see the immediate results, and it was a little nerve-wracking and awkward all by myself, and felt “hard”.

I would have signed up for a Year of Inquiry in a heartbeat. It’s half the fee of the school itself, and offers structure to stay in The Work for an entire year.

And this year, we’ll be doing a monthly intro session to our topic to do Q & A, share best practices of The Work, hear quotes from Loving What Is, and the retreats (for those who choose to attend) are now 4 days long instead of 3.

Everyone in YOI has access to my phone to text, or my email to write, in case of “emergency” if you go into stormy weather. I am here for all members of YOI when you need it, along with the official solo session everyone gets during the year for some in-depth work (people doing the full YOI including retreats receive at least two solo sessions).

I consider everyone who joins YOI to be my personal teachers, those who are like my fellow students of life. You bring me inquiry in a way I would never do it if left to my own.

If left to my own devices, I’d be cleaning out sheds and battening down hatches with wood and canvas, not four questions.

If left to my own devices, the storms would always be on their way, looming in the distance because I never remembered to ask the question….

….is it true?

“Anger, fear, sadness, discomfort, pain–they should not be allowed in….I believe they are dangerous to my well-being. And so I spend my life running away from them….Much of our suffering comes from deeply unaccepted feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, weakness, insecurity, and uncertainty in the face of this moment.” ~ Jeff Foster in The Deepest Acceptance

Put down the hammer, nails, canvas, battens, and visions of dark clouds in the future (or past).

We’ve got some work to do. Called….answering four questions.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Learn about Year of Inquiry here.

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But won’t I suffer if this happens?

Are you sure it’s an awful, terrible thing if you lose? Are you positive you’ll suffer?

This Thursday is the very first masterclass: Bringing The Work Home–Ten Barriers For Doing Self-Inquiry for Deep Transformational Change….And How To Dissolve Them.

I’ll be offering it at 5:30-7:30 pm Thursday, then next week on Tuesday August 9th again from 8:30-10:30 am. If you’re interested in this topic and want to join me to refine your work, identify what’s bothering you, sink in a little deeper to your process or practice, then sign up here.

Speaking of scheduling classes, I have to confess I’ve been working so hard behind the scenes to research, learn, summarize and deepen this work for myself, so I can share it with others….

….it feels like I’m very deeply into it. I care.

I notice sometimes with care, along comes worry.

Worrying is a strange form of stress.

We all know it’s uncomfortable, but not necessarily debilitating. It doesn’t prevent us from living life and going about our business.

Unless.

If we start worrying constantly, or repetitively worrying about the same thing (which basically defines worry-thinking about the same thing over and over with no sense of peace) then the thoughts we’re thinking, seeing, and imagining can result in a constant sense of tension, tightness, and even low-grade anxiety.

The funny thing I’ve noticed about worry is how it doesn’t feel acutely serious, so it’s easy to dismiss.

“This isn’t that bad. It might not happen. I already know this is just me. Everything’s probably OK. I should stop thinking about it. I’ll do something to distract myself.”

I’ve noticed, however, when I have a worry that returns persistently, it’s time for The Work.

I began to watch my worries over time, so I could study them instead of write them off as an over-reactive mind, or a tendency towards anxiety, or label myself as a compulsive thinker/worrier who SHOULD be more optimistic.

I noticed some themes.

Someone else is going to have a difficult time emotionally. Someone else is sad, depressed, or angry. I will experience rejection, abandonment, criticism. Someone else could experience waiting, nervousness, upset, or despair. Or I could. Someone, or me, could fail. I could die. Someone else could die. I might suffer. Someone else might suffer.

Basically they could all fall under the category “suffering could happen”. Whether it’s me or someone else.

And then I see all the imaginary visions of proof. I see in my head many ways this suffering could be possible, whether I heard about it before from someone else, or saw it on TV or in the movies or in a book, or it happened to me directly.

I know it’s a huge common Big Kahuna belief to think “I could suffer!” and it’s very general….but let’s question it anyway. (And maybe this is the ultimate only stressful thought, ever).

Let’s take a look.

Right now, find one situation where you think it could go awry, or things might not turn out great, or you might lose. Any place you notice worry arise in you. Parents often experience this about their kids. People experience this about events coming where they hope it goes a certain way.  Relationships. Money. Health. Success.

You get the idea.

Just pick one thing you notice you worry about that’s coming along down the road.

I noticed the other day, I’m thinking about these upcoming masterclasses I’m teaching. Little flits of sensation I could call worry occur, as I construct the format and get the slide presentation ready and hope the technology works (no internet break-downs please). As I wonder what to include and what not to include, and wonder why I picked TEN barriers to self-inquiry because while I do have a nice big juicy list, ten is a lot to cover. As I add all the ways to work with these “barriers” and crack them open AND make sure to add some important ingredients. It’s all a LOT of information. And I want to work with those of you who are there in the live Q & A and read what you share, and respond. And. And. And.

A friend of mine has a race she’s going to be running.

She has the very same kind of experience when thinking about her event. She pictures the start, how it will feel running, anticipating her own fuel needs like that goo stuff you eat for long marathon runs, and water, and wearing the right clothing.

The planning is great, and wise….but the feeling of worry is not so fun, and can interrupt a good night’s sleep or make the day you’re in NOW feel full of thoughts about this later moment. Ugh.

You could suffer during that event or experience.

Is it true?

Yes! I could! It would be a major bummer if the internet cut out!

OK, now pause.

One of my favorite exercises is allowing the scene to come to mind of the Worst Case Scenario.

I’m in my house, my deluxe headset is on, I’m sitting on my couch next to the internet router, and bam. The electricity goes out in the entire house.

I can’t see my own slide presentation, the computer has the spinning wheel, I hear nothing, people are waiting, I’ve put a lot of work into this, people have shown up, and now it’s FAILING.

Now, I can write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on that situation, the imaginary future horrible worst case scenario moment.

The JYN, in case you’re not super familiar with The Work, is the very first preparation step where you answer six questions about WHY you are upset in that situation, and what you think would fix it, or help.

To capture these concepts on paper is very powerful. Because then, you’ve got words to match your worried feeling. You actually get to sit with your worry instead of brush it away like an annoying insect.

Or even worse you don’t treat this worry like you SHOULD be thinking more positively, or else….and yet you can’t (all that pressure).

Now, after I write the JYN on this terrible future moment, I’m more clear about the situation I imagine would cause great suffering for me.

In THAT situation, I could suffer. Is it absolutely true?

Hmmm. Well. I never thought of this before. Could it be possible to Not Suffer in this situation of internet, phone, technology failure with people waiting and all my preparation gone to nada?

Yes, it is possible I could not suffer. Wow.

I can’t absolutely know that it’s true that I would suffer.

But even if you have a situation where you think it IS true that you’d suffer for sure, you get to keep going with the four questions.

How do you react when you believe this situation would cause suffering?

Worry, worry, worry.

Who would you be without this belief, that you could suffer if it went the way you’re imagining?

I picture again this worst case scenario, without the belief that it could cause suffering for me.

Without the belief that it would mean failure, doom, rejection, abandonment.

Wow.

Without this belief, I notice it’s kind of funny. A little chuckle appears in my consciousness.

Without the belief that This Means Suffering….I kind of think “Huh, what d’ya know. It’s going this way. Fascinating.”

This doesn’t mean I might not like it for awhile. It might be very uncomfortable. I might have no idea what to do next.

You might be dealing with a much bigger “threat” where you believe you will suffer, perhaps for a long time, or that others will suffer, or both.

But can you imagine, just a little bit, what it would be like to not believe you will permanently suffer over this, or that it doesn’t have some powerfully good consequences, or that it’s not as bad as you think?

That’s who you’d be without the thought.

Turning it around every way I find is truer:

Suffering could not happen at all. Suffering is not happening to “me” personally (it is not unique and directed to only me). Suffering will happen for sure….but it’s not a terrible thing (not as terrible as I THINK). Suffering could happen in my thinking (only) not in reality.

Or even, this turnaround: Lack of suffering (joy, peace, love) could happen, in this situation.

Holy Smokes.

Once again I feel the awareness of nothing being able to knock me away from a center of love, emptiness and freedom. It is without the knowing mind. It is without mind thinking, or not thinking–it can do what it wants.

And something here is OK, no matter what happens or doesn’t. No matter what has ever happened, something is present right here. Alive and conscious. Aware. Seeing.

“If you think there’s a problem, your work isn’t done.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

I hope you’ll join me in the upcoming masterclass if you have two hours to set aside and you love deepening your work by looking at common sticky spots humans have when using The Work or inquiring into their minds.

I can’t wait. Although, actually, it turns out, I can….and happily.

Much love,

Grace

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I hate thinking about this

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peace is possible in every situation, even the one you hate thinking about

What do you do if you’re anxious, concerned, or troubled about what MIGHT happen in the future?

If the FUTURE is the thing stressing you out, how do you do The Work, or inquire, on that imaginary circumstance?

Someone asked me to write about this the other day.

Great question.

My first response is to chuckle a little….

….because that imaginary future scene we’re so afraid of feels like TOTAL imagination and making up a worrisome story, right?

Except, these memories or situations from the past….they’re also filled with imagination.

You might think….no.

That can’t be true.

In the past, this terrible horrible thing really did happen. I know it. I was there!

Doing The Work isn’t about denial, or saying something actually did not occur, because that would be weird or a bit crazy.

But this work is about investigating what we decided about that thing that occurred in the past. Our conclusions, the idea that we never, ever want to go through that again because we’re certain it wasn’t safe, it shouldn’t have happened, and it was unsurvivable.

Throughout life, to make matters worse, we learn about tough things happening to other people….and it’s natural to conclude that if bad things happen to people in this world, THEY’LL HAPPEN AGAIN!

And maybe to ME!

HHHEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!!

With the logical mind, you’d almost be bonkers NOT to conclude this.

But what I love about The Work is, we’re entering the mind, thoughts, imagination, thinking, visualizing and wondering what’s really true….

….and feeling what it would be like without believing our thoughts.

So let’s do a little exploration of Future Worries today and inquire.

Picture one of those upsetting things happening to you in the future.

If you really want to go for it, you can picture The Worst That Could Ever Happen.

I know this idea is intense.

You might want to do it in a group, or with a facilitator, and make sure you have support–you do anyway, no matter what, but having people with you can help.

(Just remember, it’s all in the mind, you are actually safe even if you think of horrible things).

I did this work myself.

The worst thing I could ever imagine happening was my kids dying suddenly.

It made me feel nauseated and I’d shout “DON’T THINK ABOUT THAT!” at myself.

I remember how vividly I considered this loss right after my first child was born.

My son, lying in his tiny car seat, seemed too delicate to even place in a car. I suddenly felt like I should never ever leave the house. Ever.

I was stunned with what I had just done. I had given birth and created such an intense tie with this human life, it dawned on me I could lose it.

I WOULD lose it, one day.

We were in separate bodies now (unlike pregnancy), and one of us would move on out of a body, who knew when, into this thing called “death” and the other “left behind” for awhile longer. That’s the only thing that could be known. No timing of it, no order of it, nothing else could ever be known about this process of traveling through this temporary life. My child might die before me, or me before child.

Only one thing was for certain. We both would eventually die.

So I sat with this imaginary horror show experience. Both my children dying.

Let’s do The Work.

Is your terrible vision something you are sure you couldn’t handle?

Are you positive it would be impossible to go on clearly, if it did?

Can you find, even a teensy eensy speck, of acceptance that these things do happen in reality, and life does indeed go on, and people not only survive but thrive sometimes?

Are you sure it’s true what you think about such difficulties isactually true?

Are you certain it’s as horrible as you think in this moment right now?

Byron Katie used to have a question she’d ask from time to time. It’s pretty blunt, and might sound kind of harsh.

And yet, I find very worthy of deep consideration.

“Who needs God, when we have your opinion?” 

Gulp.

Even if you don’t like the word “God” you can substitute “Reality” or “Life” or “What Is”.

You mean….I might be….wrong? Or have one tiny perspective here that’s not the whole entire picture?

Oh. Right.

I notice, even if I don’t like something, or am terrified of death, hardship, separation, whatever….these events exist.

Could I look at them differently?

Who would you be without the belief that this vision you have, that’s pretty worrisome or devastating to think about….is bad, terrible, not handle-able, total destruction, evil or wrong?

Again, you aren’t denying the heart-breaking experience of loss, and change, and the feelings that pour out of it.

In fact, I learned of someone today, who I don’t know personally, whose son and 11 month old grandson were killed by a drunk driver one week ago.

I burst into tears.

But without the thought that this should never happen, or that nothing ever good comes out of it…..

…..without feeling terror of it, or against it, what might this be like?

You know when you go to the movies, and you see a very sad event occur, and you’re filled with sadness or fear? You might even cry in the movie theater.

Then the movie ends, and you wipe your eyes and ponder. Maybe you even sit quietly for awhile, in silence.

You’re aware that something deep has moved in you, and it’s moved through you because you felt.

You also know, it’s not real.

It was just a story.

Stories seem to happen in the human condition. Every kind of story you ever dreamed of (or had a nightmare about) happens in the human condition.

Everything.

But who are you, right now, without knowing exactly WHY anything happens or even needing to know?

Who would you be if you could relax in the presence of suffering, and hard stories, and the mind imagining all kinds of troubling things whether past or future?

What do you notice is here, besides “thinking”?

Even if you have visions of the apocalypse….what do you notice is here, now, holding all these stories and surrounding these difficult visions?

“Love can take everything into itself and remain complete – it can take in heartbreak, pain, fear, anger, sadness, total devastation. It can be crucified over and over again, and still remain whole. It knows no opposite, no enemy, no other. Only itself. Eternally, timelessly, Now.” ~ Jeff Foster in The Deepest Acceptance

Now….here’s the interesting part.

Turn your thoughts around about that possible scene making you anxious about the future.

Could anything interesting, or good, or beneficial, or helpful come out of that vision that scares or repulses you?

Has anything OK come out of that kind of thing ever before in the history of humanity?

As I do this work again today, I’m brought back to my nightmare vision of my kids dying.

What would be OK about it, or what might happen after that happens, or is there anything at all I can think of that would be acceptable about my nightmare?

What I thought about at the time was hard, but miraculous that I could find even one thing. I found three.

  1. I wouldn’t have to worry about making enough money to support them, feed them, pay for college–I was financially in ruins later on in life and horrified I couldn’t buy them clothes, school supplies, or music lessons.
  2. I could move anywhere I wanted in the entire world.
  3. They would never have to suffer through losing me, or their dad, or just about anyone in their lives.

If you can’t find any examples, let it sit there.

Notice in the world what has happened when the thing you’re afraid of has occurred in someone else’s life.

“I just met my thinking with a little understanding. I no longer saw it as an enemy that needed to die, go away, be–what was the term we used?–let go of it. Why would I let go of one of my children? Does that make sense? Our thoughts are our children. Why would we want to banish them? Why can’t we just join with them? And that’s what this Work does: it meets every concept with understanding.” ~ Byron Katie in Who Would You Be Without Your Story

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you want to question your wants about the future that appear favorable….the ones you cross your fingers for, pray for, hope for, come inquire and open to peace, now. Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend. March 18-20. Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday. $295.

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Peace can be here now….even after this

flowerincrack
Do The Work….what was distorted will become beautiful

If you like to question your stressful thinking….

….then of course, when you get to spend all day with Byron Katie you’re gonna have an awesome day.

Here in Seattle last Saturday we got to have the incredible privilege of Katie and 750 people together, investigating the profound undertaking of human suffering.

It wasn’t exactly what you’d call a “light” day of inquiry.

Although….the opening volunteer who rose to sit on the stage with Katie started us off so beautifully….

….it was like the warm glow of a campfire in the night.

With tears in his eyes, because he was so touched by questioning his criticism of his partner, a man examined closely his thoughts about a dirty kitchen and why his partner never cleaned it.

We’ve all been there with that issue, right?

It’s an irritant, like a persistent mosquito, to hold the belief endlessly that someone else should clean up.

At one point, this man turned into the audience and looked up into the balcony.

He called “I’m sorry, honey!”

Turns out, his partner was right there, and Katie said…”Oh! Your partner is here? Come to the stage!”

Everyone was so touched by the love glowing bright between these two people who had been married for many years.

And then….

….the second person who came up on stage was a amazingly courageous woman who had suffered what sounded like horrible sexual abuse from her father for many years.

Abuse of the innocent seems like some of the sickest, most frightening and dreadful experiences that exists in humanity.

It goes in the category of The Worst That Could Ever Happen.

Murder, war, violence, rage, hatred, rape, earthquakes, prejudice.

The stories that make you want to not be a part of the human race.

The stories that feel too hard to face sometimes.

But that’s what people are doing with The Work.

And this woman did her work, with so many peoples’ support, right there on stage with Katie, helping us all to heal rather than suffer anymore.

Knowing that even the perpetrators are suffering….or they would not do what they do.

The next man who went up on stage to do The Work with Katie had just lost his son to suicide.

Tears welled up in my eyes for so much pain felt by a father, and his three surviving daughters.

I sometimes think….how can people live through all this?

It is so painful.

Such hard things happen….what is wrong with the world??!!??

*Ping*

That’s the deepest source of suffering of all.

Believing there is something dreadfully wrong with the world.

We can see the “proof” in our minds, as we think of all these terrible things that occur to people, everywhere.

We’re so sure it’s true.

See here, and there, and here? Look at all these people. So many tears. So much agony. So many people going crazy. So much unspeakable darkness.

But who would you be without the belief that these difficult experiences are Un-Handle-able?

Who would you be without the belief that it’s not possible to heal?

Who would you be without the belief it’s a hard, dark, difficult world and life is hard, dark and difficult?

What if you couldn’t believe that thought in this moment?

Look around.

Touch the chair you’re sitting in.

Feel the air on your face. Look at the room you’re in. Hear the sounds in your environment. Notice what is still, and quiet, and safe right now in this moment….

….even if you’ve been through rough times in the past.

Who would you be without putting your conditions for happiness on the world?

Seriously, like what if you didn’t know as much as you think you know about suffering?

What if you’re wrong about The Worst?

What if it is possible to be happy again, no matter you’ve experienced, no matter how horrendous?

“Do The Work, and everything that was distorted will become beautiful.” ~ Byron Katie in Seattle Jan 2016

“I try to move from what is to what is not, from what is to my image of what should be–and that is my suffering, that is my frustration, that is my despair….The healing you really long for is the deepest acceptance of pain….the healing you really long for is the healing from your identity as the victim of pain.” ~ Jeff Foster in the Deepest Acceptance

Once again, as I did my own work while listening to others break their hearts open, mine broke open wider, too.

I realized, for another time….

….this work is not about accepting all the terrible things, or condoning any of them, or wishing ill upon anyone, or punishing anyone, or damning others or myself for all time and staying stuck in hatred or fear.

This work is about surrendering to what is and discovering….

….it is never all darkness, it is never all lost forever.

Creativity and new life and love come out of the ashes.

Happiness and peace are here again for you.

Right now.

Except for your thoughts, are you OK?

Much love, Grace

NEW: March weekend retreat on Abundance, Desire, and Wanting. Doing The Work on what keeps us from what we really want: Reality Now! March 25-27. Friday night through Sunday afternoon. $295.

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I have to stretch right now…..a story of suffering.

Meetup today! 2-4 pm at Goldilocks Cottage in northeast Seattle.
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But I really have to do that RIGHT NOW….are you sure?

I was pregnant with my son (he is now 21 years old).

It was the beginning of the sixth month.

I looked down in amazement, for the hundredth time, at the way the belly stretched out in a round smooth balloon shape.

I was observing the process of a life coming into form, and simply….

….move itself along.

I still frequently remember this moment vividly.

Because, even though I continuously was fascinated, almost in awe of having this experience…..

….something that day was different.

Suddenly, I realized it was not “my” belly.

I was looking at “a” human belly that was doing it’s own thing and was being run by the universe, or God, or Life (whatever you like calling the great mystery of it all).

It was like there was something watching the whole thing, being stunned and amazed at having no idea how this all happens, or why, or wherefore, and awareness of not being in charge whatsoever.

And then a voice inside said to me like hearing someone talk out loud practically…..

…..remember how great it is to stretch?

The feeling of stretching like a cat to the ceiling and sucking in as the stomach flattens.

The sensation of languidly reaching.

The sensation of breathing deeply, then raising arms over a head, and feeling the back bone and stomach come much closer together, all the organs and guts and everything inside the torso moving with a slight back bend and a melting in and up.

I used to do gymnastics, but it had been a long time since a back bend or a walkover.

Except right NOW….

….I can’t do that. I’m pregnant.

Then, an inner voice, yelling.

DON’T THINK ABOUT WANTING THAT!!

You can’t have it!!!!!

A little wave of fear coursed through me.

This body can’t do that move in this condition. It will be a long time, many many weeks, until stretching like that is possible.

I know this sounds really melodramatic, right?

Oh My God what a TERRIBLE thought……

……to want to stretch and not be able to!

But it was weirdly serious, strangely full of warning. Do not go beyond this point.

You are in a course of events that are unknown, and all you can do is go along for the ride.

Do NOT wish for something right now that is not possible in reality.

Including the simple act of stretching.

That would be painful.

Now, when I think about how vivid and clear that moment was, it’s like a foggy window got completely wiped free, or a round circle got popped out with those fancy and brilliant glass cutters.

But it’s kind of weird to talk about it, because who has such a moment of insight about not being able to stretch during pregnancy!

Not being able to stretch is so no big deal. What a weirdo.

But I STILL remember that moment, and some unexplained wisdom appearing from within that KNEW that spending anything more than the split second I did of longing for something different….
….was a way to create suffering for myself.
Actually to create it out of thin air.
Wanting something that wasn’t possible.
Wow.

I could wait until later.

I would HAVE to, in fact.

I knew right then that going with the flow of what was happening was far, far, far easier than complaining internally about what was happening in my body and what I couldn’t do at the moment.

What I didn’t see at the time, was the wisdom of how this applied to absolutely everything about reality.

I had no idea.

If I argue with what is going on in my life, the natural trajectory I am not controlling….

….then I will lose the argument.

The arguing itself will give me nothing but angst and suffering, frustration, wishing, longing, sadness, annoyance.

“Am I better off making up an alternate reality in my mind and then fighting with reality to make it be my way, or am I better off letting go of what I want and serving the same forces of reality that managed to create the entire perfection of the universe around me?” ~ Michael Singer in The Surrender Experiment

Today, I love that right in this moment (I just did it) I stood up and stretched to the ceiling.

Now, it turns out, is good for stretching in this body.

But that hasn’t always been the case, and there will be a time again in the future when it isn’t again.

If you find your mind is upset about what you can’t do, have, achieve, accomplish….

….question your need to do that right NOW.

It’s not about giving up dreams or visions, or falling into an uncaring depressed apathy.

Just noticing who you would be without the belief you need to stretch, when you absolutely can’t in this moment?

“Perfection is another name for reality. The only way you can see anything as imperfect is if you believe a thought about it. ‘It’s inadequate, it’s ugly, it’s unfair, it’s flawed’—is that true? This chipped coffee cup on the table: how beautiful it is when you simply look at it, without any thought of what it should be.” ~ Byron Katie

Are you truly interested in ending my way of thinking that results in suffering?
Yes, Yes, Yes.
Much love,

Grace

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Without your horror story, what do you notice right now?

Without your dreadful thinking, even in the midst of great suffering....who would you be without your story about what is hard?
Without your dreadful thinking, even in the midst of great suffering….who would you be without your story about what is hard?

I’m sitting in such gratitude and delight in the power of people collecting together to investigate truth, suffering, love and being human here on planet earth.

Yesterday we had the first group of inquirers gathering for an 8 month adventure of meeting to do The Work.

(We’re full now, but I’ll do it again next year).

The mind, and the feelings following all the thoughts the mind produces, are magnificent.

But on a bad day….

…..it feels like it’s NOT so good that this mind is so magnificent.

It’s overwhelming.

You feel very much alone, and therefore lonely.

Kind of like this lifetime trek, especially with this mind, is never-ending and something always comes along to trip you up somehow.

Not feeling good seems super difficult, and drives people to seek relief.

Somewhere.

Anywhere.

Trouble is, sometimes there is relief, and sometimes not so much.

Even mentors or teachers, or methodologies, or practices, or books, or teachings we all agree are incredibly powerful and supportive….

….don’t always “work”.

Or sometimes, they work for awhile–we feel better temporarily.

Then, we just want to get back to that good-feeling place but we’re waving our arms around like a beetle turned upside down.

A few years ago, when sitting quietly listening to someone else do The Work on a situation that brought me to tears, I noticed a very persistent and painful underlying belief pop into my head.

This man had been responsible for killing a child by accident.

Life is full of suffering.

Its sooooooo sad.

I don’t like these stories, these terrible things that happen in peoples’ lives!

Horrible accidents, war, trauma, death, disease, starvation, depression, loneliness, being trapped or stuck emotionally.

I asked God (you can call it something else, call it Reality or The Force–that mysterious energy I have no idea how to define)….

…..what’s up with All This?

I asked this question as I heard the destruction, and pain, and the guilt this man expressed while doing The Work.

Flashes of many pictures came through my head. It felt like my heart would break.

People I personally knew who were currently suffering, people in the room I was sitting in, all of whom were there to understand better their difficult feelings about life, and how to become free of the negative, fearful, agonizing thoughts about what happens here.

Why is it so hard? I asked, feeling so desperately sad.

And bam, I realized I had a huge deep-seated base-level belief about being human.

It’s hard.

Bad things happen here.

Just listen to the news!

We wouldn’t be doing The Work, or in meditation retreats, or doing the things we all do, if life were easy, would we? Any of us?

But I felt the awareness of self-inquiry begin then to work on that thought, that deep belief, like a ping-pong bouncing and banging off edges everywhere.

Hard–easy–wanting it to be harder occasionally–wanting it to be easier (almost always, can’t this be easier)–harder–easier?

Too hard, too easy, not hard enough, not easy enough.

Well….let’s take a look at this belief.

Is it true that life is hard?

 

You’re seriously asking this question?!?

Of course it’s hard!

Did you hear what I heard? Have you seen what I’ve seen?

But wait.

Let’s slow down and wonder about this statement, this thing we’re calling “life” and how we conclude it’s hard.

Life is hard.

What is meant by that?

Usually, thoughts like I already mentioned….war, brutality, fear, death.

But is life, itself, hard (even if those things take place inside of life)?

Is it True?

Wait for it.

My answer is “no”.

I wound up here, alive, it turns out.

I didn’t invent life, or create this life. I was given it whether I like it or not.

It…..happened.

Life actually came first, not my thoughts about it, or my experience of it.

My attitude, and preferences, and whether I like it or not…..

…..developed as I grew, learning from all the people around me, taking in what I encountered.

I never thought to inquire about much, I was like a sponge.

No one knows why, or exactly how, life happens.

Not even the most brilliant scholars or genius minds or religious wise-people (although it is amazing to read everything you’re drawn to, if you enjoy it).

So is life itself, hard?

No. I really can’t find this to be absolutely true. I really don’t know what it is.

How do I react when I think this thought, as I listen to the suffering of other people, or remember times I believed I was in pain?

I want to cry and cry. It feels like a grief that is forever.

So sad that such terrible things happen to people, that everyone feels fear sometimes, everyone feels physical pain, loss and agnst.

But who would you be without the belief in the absolute-ness or grand broad idea that life itself is hard?

Not like denial, not like trying to slap a smile on, or think positively.

Just not acting like you’re sure having life itself, being alive, is HARD?

Who would I be without this thought?

I’d feel a pin of light on the inside of myself, maybe back behind my heart, that is here and accepting of everything, knowing I’m here as this body/mind but also perceiving more than what is here.

Just like a flower or a tree, I grow, I live, I die.

Nothing to be done.

Except to be, to wait, to feel the stillness, to feel the balance and unknown mystery of it all.

What if you collapsed and relaxed absolutely everything inside of you, everything about yourself?

Your muscles, your feelings, your mind, your hands, your eyes, your thinking, your breathing?

If you let it all relax, nothing to do…..what do you notice?

I noticed that’s the practice of who I would be without believing my thought that life is hard.

I don’t even have to actually NOT HAVE the thought….

…..only to feel the imagination enter my mind.

Who would I be, without believing that life is hard, even in the middle of loss, hopelessness, loneliness, or being with other people and their suffering?

Turning the thought around: life is easy.

Woah.

I actually have nothing to do with it.

It couldn’t really get much easier, you know?

It’s being completely run by something other than my mind, that’s for sure. I’m participating in it, without choice.

What could be easier than that?

Double-woah.

Except for my thoughts about “life”, it is the easiest thing in the world.

“The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

 

What about in the middle of such terrible suffering, hearing about the story of someone who accidentally killed someone? Or suffered childhood abuse? What about wars and violence? What about dying of disease? Rage? Starvation? Thirst?

How about the turnaround: my thinking is hard.

If I did not believe my thoughts, I would see the suffering, but also the joy, in the experience of living.

I could find having no heavy opinion, no wish for it to be different than it is.

I wouldn’t feel hopeless, either, oddly enough–I wouldn’t treat myself like I’m a jerk for thinking life is hard sometimes.

I’d just notice, that’s the way of it. I have a brain, it turns out. Nothing wrong with that.

I would notice that in the moment I am picturing this man’s terrible story, I am actually in a room full of loving curious supportive people, all sharing this together, with unconditional love.

I almost missed it.

 

“It’s very simple: When we believe our stressful thoughts, we suffer; but when we question our stressful thoughts, we don’t suffer. We end our suffering. I’ve been told that the whole point of the Buddha’s teaching is the end of suffering. It’s the Fourth Noble Truth, Stephen tells me. Yes, human beings suffer when they don’t know how not to, and yes, it is possible to end all suffering simply by waking up to the difference between what is reality and what isn’t.” ~ Byron Katie in her Newsletter October 2012 

 

You mean, I can question the difficulty, sadness, or suffering….

….of anything?

Yes, anything.

 

“All suffering is mental. It has nothing to do with the body or with a person’s circumstances.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy  

 

Thank you everyone for coming along for the ride, for bringing your thoughts, concerns, worries, confusion, and despair to this Great Inquiry.

Who would we be without believing our stressful thoughts?

Noticing how shared this experience is, and how much we all love each other.

 

Excited.

Grateful.

Full of wonder.

Coming up with genius ideas for how to proceed.

Aware that the worst story, the one running in my head that isn’t even mine, is actually……over.

What do you notice right now in your reality?

 

Much love, Grace

P.S. Half day mini retreat Saturday 12/12 1:30-5:30 has 4 spots still available. Question your story, change your world. Join us!

 

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Who Would You Be In The Presence of Chaos?

For those of you asking about early-bird payment plan, you are correct there was no option for this on the Year of Inquiry information page. None.

I completely forgot it.

Since this option hasn’t been anywhere in sight (we’ll talk about me as a non-detail person another time) click here, scroll down to the very bottom of the page where the payment plan option are listed, and you’ll see early-bird payment plans added for YOI.

Because I didn’t even have them posted until late last night, these early bird plans are available until Friday.

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Your thoughts of chaos and suffering were not created by you, but you can imagine who you would be without them
Your thoughts of chaos and suffering were not created by you, but you can imagine who you would be without them

I know I’ve been constantly mentioning Year of Inquiry, but there are other very, very powerful events happening around me, too.

The serious illness of a dear friend, a long-awaited journey to the place I was born (I leave Wednesday), reuniting with two important friends with whom I lost touch, and facilitating people on incredibly deep stressful beliefs about love, longings, and death.

Sometimes, when you sit with others who are facing huge change, loss, or who are very frightened, like my friend who is very sick….

….there is nothing to do but be.

Who am I, without the story I’m telling? Without the thoughts I am thinking? Without needing to do anything?

Without the fear being all there is, whether fear of dying, or fear of the terrible pain my friend is going through right now, or fear of the temporariness of this life?

Who would you be?

Who are you, without your stressful beliefs?

I notice as I spend time with my friend today who is so very sick, and feel the sun on my face, and later hear my daughter telling me about her weekend away with two friends.

Here, there is space.

Here in this moment, a red flowered rug, two glowing computer screens, a light over a kitchen sink, a candle flame in a glass jar, an empty water glass, a pair of blue flip-flops, a scrap of ragged white paper on the floor, a young man called a “son” walking through the room with two fat library books in hands, a spider moving slowly around a web in the ceiling corner, and thoughts of my friend.

Here. Sometimes, with a breaking heart.

“This is about realization, not about changing anything. The world is as you perceive it to be. For me, clarity is a word for beauty. It’s what I am. And when I’m clear, I see only beauty. Nothing else is possible. I am mind perceiving my thoughts, and everything unfolds from that, as if it were a new solar system pouring itself out in its delight…..

….So you don’t drop your thoughts of chaos and suffering out there in the apparent world. You can’t drop them, because you didn’t make them in the first place. But when you meet your thoughts with understanding, the world changes. It has to change, because the projector of the entire world is you.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Here, I notice even with a breaking heart, and a temporary human life, and my friend’s beautiful eyes who I looked into today as she felt terrible physical pain and enormous courage….

….I love this place, even though it is so heart-breaking sometimes.

That’s who I am without completely believing the stressful thoughts.

And actually, with them, too.

Much love,

Grace