Month: October 2020

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Making friends with the worst that can happen: cancer Peace Talk

Some of us have heard these words. About ourselves. Or someone we love dearly.
It’s cancer.
 
I’ll never forget my own moment, coming from the doctor’s lips, just after stitches were taken out from a biopsy on my leg.

 

The adrenaline coursed through my body like a geyser shooting through.

 

Instant fear.

 

I’m going to die.

 

I’m going to suffer.

 

This is terrible, hideous, sad, horrifying.

 

I knew it, I knew this would happen to me.

 

Fear, anger, wailing…all happening on the inside, churning around.

 

Are these thoughts true, though?

 

What happens when you believe these thoughts?

 

Agony, terrible visions, memories of my father dying. Visions of loss, emptiness, disappointment, suffering.

 

But who would I be without the whole big all-inclusive story called “cancer” and what it means when we have it, or when someone else has it?

 

What if it was not so frightening to die, or have someone we love die?

 

Can I notice the rush of feelings, and also wonder what I am without the belief “it’s cancer”?

 

If I didn’t have all the images, expectations, meanings, trauma associated with cancer….

 

….what would that really be like?

 

I noticed one minute, I am not thinking, and the next moment with two words, I am.

 

What made all the difference in the world from one second to the next?

 

Words. Thoughts. Feelings shooting off.

 

Without my story, I notice a kind doctor’s face telling me what’s next. I notice my body, strong, solid, alive, pain-free in that moment.

 

I notice the experiences of life come and go and come and go, just like people, just like all of us. Coming and going, all beautiful.

 

In Peace Talk Episode 170 this week, I got to have a beautiful conversation with Certified Facilitator Bethany Webb.

 

One thing we both have in common is hearing those two words “it’s cancer”. 
Fortunately, we’ve also got something else in common: four questions and turnarounds.

Listen on audio only HERE.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Winter (Retreat) is Coming! Join me and Tom Compton to share in six days of The Work online Dec 1-6. Bring your “worst” fears, worries, disappointments. Let’s do The Work. Read more here.
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By Tuesday, I got off the wheel (retreat starts tomorrow–one session per day online)

Oh I am having fun with all the last-minute shuffling for retreat starting tomorrow. 
For those of you contemplating: we meet only 3 hours from 9am-Noon Pacific Time tomorrow on Thursday, on Friday and on Sunday…and afternoon from 2-5 this Saturday (dancing Saturday morning for those who want–all online, yes).
(Those of you needing it can watch the Saturday recording instead of attending live).
Pay-from-the-heart sliding scale to join. You get to pick what works for you financially right now.
If you’ve got curiosity for The Work, are brand new or have lots of experience, you’ll get to identify a situation you find objectionable in your life….and transform it by asking four questions and finding turnarounds.
If you think that’s not possible….this is a good time to experiment and see.
Join us by signing up here.
*******************
Speaking of objectionable.
In the Year of Inquiry group yesterday, we looked at a stressful thought about other people: “they have it better”.
Many of us think those other people have it “better”.
What a fabulous contemplation.
I’ll never forget walking on the sidewalk not so far from my little cottage on foot, staring at the big gorgeous houses lined up along Lake Washington.
My hands were in my pockets in tight fists.
These home-dwellers must have done something right.
Why did THEY get to have big houses, all lit up with fall and Halloween decorations, full of happy people (all of them probably in happy relationships–I was navigating a divorce)?
What did I do wrong?
I love the questions: What’s your proof that they have it better? How do you know?
Those people have:
  • money to trade for anything wanted
  • possessions or pretty things owned, acquired, gathered around
  • body health, appearance, strength, youth
  • freedom to do whatever you want with your time
  • not having to “do” something like work at a job, clean the house, take out the garbage
  • no physical pain, no disease, no problems
  • winning
  • status: great job, leadership, importance
  • being the president or the biggest boss of all time
  • attaining enlightenment, peace, wisdom
We have the top hits of what “better” looks like.
Wealth, Love, Enlightenment, Health.
Isn’t it funny how we see it in a glimpse, meet someone, notice their surroundings, imagine their experience, envision their joy or power or wealth or success….
….and sometimes that tricky rabbit (mind) says “OMG that’s better than this, than me!”
How do you react when you think it, when you compare?
Sad. Despairing. Sorry.
What I noticed as I sat doing this work with our Year of Inquiry group is a lot of back-tracking in the mind, when believing this thought that Those People have it better.
“If only I had decided age 25 to go to Med School…” or “if only I had never fallen in love with that man!”…or “if only I hadn’t gone to Italy”…”if only I had sent my kid to that other school”….
Lots of “if-only” thinking, wishing we had done something different.
The mind is amazing how it can go backwards in time and offer suggestions on how you might have done it differently.
LOL.
So who would you be without the belief “they have it better”?
Ask this question in just one of the situations you’ve noticed when you thought this.
Standing on that quiet sidewalk so many years ago, who would I be without the thought?
Breathing a deep breath of fresh fall air. Noticing fallen leaves glistening in the street.
Feeling something here, without thought. Being. Alive.
Noticing that truly, truly, observing a wide street with houses means nothing….in a wonderful way.
No better, no worse possible.
Here-ness is all.
Buzzing, humming here-ness. Joy.
No extra step needed, nothing from the environment, no “things” like money, no health, no body, no status, no winning, nothing special required.
Here is here.
Nothing was needed to get to it–except perhaps four questions.
Turning it around: This is better. This is it. There is no better or worse except in thought. Only my mind imagines “better” over there (or “worse” over there, for that matter).
Ahhhhhh…..

Thinking Like A Butterfly

Monday I was told I was good.
I felt relieved.
Tuesday I was ignored.
I felt invisible.
Wednesday I was snapped at.
I began to doubt myself.
On Thursday I was rejected.
Now I was afraid.
On Saturday I was thanked
for being me. My soul relaxed.
On Sunday I was left alone
till the part of me that can’t
be influenced grew tired of
submitting and resisting.
Monday I was told I was good.
By Tuesday I got off the wheel.
We’ll share sacred poetry and inspiring quotes, do our work together, wonder out loud who we are without our thinking.
Want to come along?
Sign up here.
Much love,
Grace
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Why imagine when we can question stress…and love reality (+join me for retreat THIS Thursday-Sunday)

Autumn 4-day retreat starts in 2 days on 10/15, and it’s all online. Thursday, Friday and Sunday we meet 9am-Noon Pacific Time, while Saturday we meet 2-5pm PT.
(I know the Saturday isn’t great for some of your time zones but it will be recorded and not required to attend if it’s a burden).
Read more here.
Mental health practitioners 15 CEUs. Sliding scale registration. Everything recorded if you need to miss. Beginners and experienced all are welcome.
Boy howdy this autumn retreat crept up on me so fast it pounced out and I almost jumped!
It’s already this week, really?
I know some of you might be thinking this is the first time you even heard about it.
So much going on with other programs underway or starting soon, wow.
It reminds me of last year, having such a sweet time in a huge log cabin in Pennsylvania with a fabulous group filling the place with inquiry, generosity of meals, cooking, sharing.
So, are you intrigued for what the online retreat might be like, or wondering who it might be for?
Four days in the work (only one session a day) is for those seeking a kick-start or deepening on investigating something disruptive in your life–a way to be with that thing you contend with: memories, bad feelings, uncomfortable behavior, difficult thinking–in a mini immersion with a group.
We keep it simple.
We write down our thoughts. We explore the underlying old beliefs. We question it all with the four questions and turnarounds.
We make discoveries.
The most beautiful discovery in my own life has been what happens when wondering over and over who I am without my mind, my thinking, my perspective, my emotional reactions?
Who am I?
What is here that is not “my” thoughts about something?
Could it be beautiful instead of sour, easy instead of difficult, powerful instead of resigned, loving instead of infuriating?
Every time I do The Work I find I wasn’t seeing whatever I was seeing….clearly.
The Work brings me into greater awareness 100% of the time.
So for example.
The other day I had the thought “I have to do….” and then there were about five things rising up.
Immediately following that was “I don’t want to.”
I don’t want to do anything.
“Who am I without my story about DOING, or NOT doing?”
Since it was a tense thought and a pronouncement from the mind (I won’t do, anymore, ever!) I could find awareness, and inquire.
Without my story of doing things, or not doing them, in the future, I’m back here in the present right now.
Noticing the sun come out in the front yard through the window, and thinking “a bike ride is looking fabulous”.
Noticing all the little organizing things that need to happen for Eating Peace program starting next week (the day after autumn retreat, haha who planned that)?
Noticing the future all comes together in perfect timing, every time.
Turning it around: I DO want to do. I want to do everything. And OK not to do, too.
All feelings and thoughts are welcome.
Everything changes anyway.
Turning it around: my thinking doesn’t want to “do”. It gets tired of doing so much, analyzing, narrowing, believing.
Without beliefs about “me” being the do-er and the list of what is required….doing and not doing happen.
All floating along, down the beautiful lazy river.
Turning it around again: Yay! I don’t want to do anything! How exciting is that. She does, then doesn’t.
What will happen next?
“Let go of all ideas and images in your mind, they come and go and aren’t even generated by you. So why pay so much attention to your imagination when reality is for the realizing right now?”
~ Adyashanti, in Emptiness Dancing
If you’d like to gather together in The Work with a group of others, questioning your pain with the four questions on any topic arising….I’d love you to join me.
Let’s do The Work for 4 days. A very easy and inexpensive way to join me. Can’t wait.
Sign up here.
Much love,
Grace
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People who have no hope are free

Mondays I come on Facebook on Work With Grace page.
This past week, something sent a question asking about how to get rid of their thoughts. We even worked a similar thought in a lovely session in the Year of Inquiry group.
What a great question, what a powerful observation to notice:
 
I am thinking, and I’m against it.
So sitting with this query, I looked at the belief “I’m against this. It is unacceptable.” (Watch it here).
We’ve had these thoughts about our compulsions, our thinking, our stories.
I have to be against this.
Otherwise….I won’t work hard to push against it, fix it, eliminate it, cut it out, stop it.
Is that true?
Who are we without this story of being against thinking itself?
Woah.
“People who know that there’s no hope are free. The decision’s out of their hands. It has always been that way, but some people have to die bodily to find out. No wonder they smile on their deathbeds. Dying is everything they were looking for in life. Their delusion of being in charge is over. When there’s no choice, there’s no fear. And in that, there is peace. They realize that they’re home and that they’ve never left.” ~ Byron Katie
 
No hope of not thinking what you’ve thought.
And it’s OK.
If you’re interested in sitting in 4 days of inquiring (3 hour sessions each day) with me on the things you suffer about, sliding scale online autumn zoom retreat is coming soon. Read more here.
Much love,
Grace