Category: emotional eating

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psychological prison

Suffering from some kind of compulsion?

You can start right now on looking at any addictive pattern you’ve entered. Keep reading.

It almost doesn’t matter what you do.

The outcome bothers you.

Some people can’t stop cleaning, pulling at their hang nails, watching TV, thinking about their “ex”.

And then you attack yourself for being such a dunce, for eating wheat or sugar again, for texting her, for buying something on amazon. Because there’s obviously something wrong with you.

You know those mean thoughts we’ve been talking about?

What if you set those really intense, heavy, negative, mean thoughts that you yell at yourself or other people completely aside?

This is a cement layer that sometimes seems can’t be penetrated.

The self-hate or frustration is so vicious, you just want to get some relief, get away, rest, and find some solid ground.

Your own mind seems to be an enemy.

You give yourself the nastiest motivational speeches you’ve ever heard.

If anyone else spoke to you that way, they’d be called totally insane, or seriously abusive.

But instead of trying to get away from that Mean Voice today, how about let’s see if there’s something else present, that you may not be quite seeing directly, that you’re believing to be true?

This might be hard, but it’s worth it.

Answer these questions:

What are you really hungry for, besides food (or whatever else you use to get distracted)?

What is not exactly satisfying, in your life?

Where do you not feel satiated, full, or comforted?

What about your life feels empty?

Do you feel dependent on anything? What?

Where do you feel unsafe, nervous, or terrified…past or present?

When do you say “yes” when you’d prefer to say “no”?

Enough questions, for now.

What are your answers?

I once heard very long ago that talking about difficult topics is the way through them.

Having a dialogue.

“The finest way to heal or deepen a relationship is dialogue”.

~ Anthony De Mello

If food is something you get angst over, you’re the same as I was.

What I know is that food is required for life, apparently. It’s a source of life. It’s pleasurable. It’s comforting and soothing. At just the right amounts, in balance.

Too much food is sickening, frustrating, and uncomfortable. Too little food is desperate, condemning, horrifying.

If you overeat, or undereat, something inside of you believes it is worth the discomfort….the behavior and the experience is giving you something you think you need.

Maybe there’s something else, a ghost hunger, that you’d rather NOT see.

Maybe it’s frightening, very sad, or feels hopeless to see this thing you want or wish for, so part of you prefers not to see it.

You don’t ever have to look at your thoughts…..but if you don’t….you may keep having the yo-yo problem of being in control, then out of control, up then down, barely relaxed for a moment, then panicked. Swinging all over the place, and then making a new diet plan.

The inquirers who enroll in Eating Peace Experience (starting Sunday) are bravely going to take a look at this “problem” and we will be doing a deep exploration of the self with food.

You can too, sitting quietly by yourself wherever you live, to write what seems to be really true for you.

Once you identify your struggle in a way that is beyond the mean songs that sing “I can’t control myself” or “I’m hideously fat” or “I’m a rotten person” then you’ll be able to question what you’re believing.

Once you question what you’re believing, you may find your urges and cravings begin to make more sense, and then to dissolve.

You may relax.

“…we are in a psychological prison created by our minds. Until we begin to realize how confined we are, we will not be able to find our way out. Neither will we find our way out by struggling against the confines we have inherited from our parents, society, and culture. It is only by beginning to examine and realize the falseness within our minds that we begin to awaken an intelligence that originates from beyond the realm of thinking.” ~ Adyashanti

Beyond the realm of thinking!? Wow, really?

It means you don’t have to be a brilliant thinker to become free from compulsive behavior.

“God doesn’t make junk. It’s wonderful to realize that it’s not a possibility. There is no mistake.” ~ Byron Katie

Just for today, quiet yourself, and write down some of your stressful, repetitive thoughts. Once they’re in writing, you’ll be able to take them into inquiry. You’ll be able to dialogue with yourself.

You can do this.

If you’d like guidance and an adventure in awareness to help end the off-balance behavior around eating or thinking about food….join us in Eating Peace Experience.

Read about and enroll in Eating Peace Experience HERE.

Here’s the schedule:

All sessions meet at 10:30am-Noon PT/ 1:30-3pm ET/ 7:30pm-9pm CET

  • Sunday, August 3 Class 1
  • Sunday, August 10 Class 2
  • Sunday, August 17, Class 3
  • Sunday, August 31, Class 4
  • Sunday, Sept 7, Class 5
  • Friday, Sept 12, Class 6 * (different day)
  • Sunday, Sept 28, Class 7
  • Sunday, October 5, Class 8
  • Monday, October 13, Class 9 *(different day)
  • Sunday, October 26, Class 10
  • Sunday, November 2, Class 11
  • Sunday, November 9, Class 12

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you’d like to book a complimentary 15 min consult to ask questions or just meet me and find out more about Eating Peace, you can do that HERE.

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the voice

I have a really close friend I met in 2005 at the Byron Katie School for The Work.

We’ve talked almost daily ever since.

Not exactly like the way you might think.

What we do is send voice messages to each other.

This leaves us room to listen when we can, even if it’s the next day or a few days go by, and respond when ready.

This just happened organically. We didn’t try to make it happen.

Something about it unfolded in this smooth way that works so beautifully.

However, it does make for a very interesting relationship….

….kind-of A.I.-ish before its time: we don’t hang out with each other physically.

We live thousands of miles apart.

(She did come to my wedding in 2012).

The other day, we were exchanging messages about The Voice.

No, not a show or a band.

The mean voice.

The one that shows up in your head that’s very, very harsh and can be downright violent.

Some psychologists label it “intrusive thought”.

My friend had noticed it after she spoke publicly.

“You shouldn’t have said that, you shouldn’t have opened your mouth, you should never speak in situations where many people are giving you attention, you need to improve yourself, there’s something broken about your brain.”

Long ago, I heard Byron Katie say something that caused my ears to perk up:

“Victims are vicious”.

No one wants be a “victim”.

And yet, what I had to admit was….when hearing that voice, it was acting like a perpetrator, very brutal and attacking.

Which left some other part of me a victim.

I used to have acutely around one topic in particular: my behaviors with food (although it would expand in a flash to just about any other behavior, it could find fault with anything).

When I ate a lot, or binge-ate, or grazed from one end of town to the other, or looked in the mirror, or thought about what I should or shouldn’t be eating, or had urges for junk food, I had a running voice that also said “you are lower than dirt, something’s really wrong with you, you need to get it together.”

It was bitter, focused, undiscerning.

So one of the very first things any of us can do, who experience an addictive/repetitive behavioral process of any kind, is to relax and recognize the presence of this aspect of living with mind.

What if it does NOT mean there’s something broken about your brain, just because it exists?

Yesterday, I heard the Voice talking in my own head about this recent webinar that had no slides, no script and no selling.

There is a desire within me to support people who suffer like I suffered and to help them move from that entrenched position. Or be a part of the journey that helps them get unstuck.

Can you absolutely know that this is true that you need to change, snap out of it, get over it, stop being who you are?

I can’t know it’s true.

How do you react when you believe you’ve got to change?

Now…who would you be WITHOUT that thought?

WHAT???!!!

But.

I’ve been trying to fix, adjust, improve or change myself when it comes to eating, feeling, thinking, acting for “x” years (long time)!

How could I NOT want change?

Try it on for a moment here now. Just right now. Relax without having a single drop of a future, or need to change.

Rest a moment.

Notice how connected you are to everything in your environment, sharing the air, the furniture, the space, the people (if there are any). Sharing your life with this thing called “food”, having a brain that thinks and a body that moves.

What would it really be like if you did not go to war with yourself to improve?

What if you did NOT have a broken brain?

What if that wasn’t even possible?

It can be exciting. Peacefully thrilling. Restful. Simple. Open. Mysterious.

It doesn’t mean there isn’t a profound curiosity at the way things move in this life, in the mind and the body.

Turning this belief around: I do not have to change. My thinking has to change–especially about the brain. Change has to come to “me”.

Could any of these turnarounds be just as true, or truer?

Yes. I can find how I am still alive, studying life and the world and myself in it and I’m not “done” even if some part of me believes I haven’t changed, or that I need to. I can notice life has its own timing. That even though I’ve eaten in crazy ways, I’ve also experienced joy, gratitude, peace and happiness here on earth.

Yes. I’m busy questioning my thinking. I’m learning by turning things around. I’m learning that what I’ve assumed to be true….often isn’t. Maybe always isn’t.

Yes. I can hold still and be open to transformation meeting me, not think of myself as needing to chase after it. I can make friends with life, my environment, my mind, my body, with food.

Love is here in the present. Here I am with all my imperfection, a human being, being lived.

“Seeking is arguing with what is.” ~ Salvadore Poe

Who would you be without your violent story, especially when it comes to eating, food, your feelings, your body?

Can you accept everything, including yourself, as it is for just for this moment, now?

Eating Peace Experience starts next week on Sunday, visit this page to learn more HERE. We have a lovely group. We will be doing a deep dive into exploring the voices that contribute to off-balance eating, thoughts of food, and emotions.

“When your heart is cheerful and at peace, it doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do, whether you live or die. You can talk or stay silent, and it’s all the same. Some people think that silence is more spiritual than speech, that meditation or prayer brings you closer to God than watching television or taking out the garbage. That’s the story of separation…..You can’t let go of a stressful thoughts, because you didn’t create it in the first place. A thought just appears. You’re not doing it. You can’t let go of what you have no control over. Once you’ve questioned the thought, you don’t let go of it, it lets go of you. It no longer means what you thought it meant. The world changes, because the mind that projected it has changed. Your whole life changes, and you don’t even care, because you realize that you already have everything you need.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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Eating Peace Experience starts soon: question your thinking, change your behavior

Have you had trouble with eating, food, body image, fretting about when, how, what, if you should eat?

I used to think something was deeply wrong with me.

Even if I didn’t overeat, graze eat, binge eat, panic-eat….I was obsessively thinking about how to avoid food and suppress my cravings and make sure I did NOT eat.

I hated being out of control, and I hated being in control.

Life just wasn’t easy with food.

(Really, it wasn’t easy with my thinking).

Years ago, I began sharing more about what I was like, what happened, and how my identity changed from “f*#&d up around food” to peaceful with food.

While I had done a lot of mind and feelings work of all kinds: therapy, est, context trainings, course in miracles, group therapy, Overeaters Anonymous….when I did The School for The Work with Byron Katie, something clicked for me about all I had ever been doing when it came to food and eating and the long, powerful journey it felt like I had been on with this impulse to either eat food or think about eating food.

It suddenly struck me one day that I had believed there wasn’t enough for me and I wasn’t safe with my own experience and emotions, and often my reaction was violence against myself in the form of self-defeating and self-critical thoughts.

I realized the urge to eat or avoid eating both came from a deep place of “something’s not right”.

Let’s just say, I had a suspicious relationship with reality and life. It looked unpredictable.

I thought of myself as unpredictable–and that this was a shame.

Over the years, investigating all the dynamics involved with eating food, I started sharing in these kinds of notes. I started talking on youtube (!) and I taught courses to guide people through this wild journey with compulsive behavior and uncover peace within.

People have told me what I share applies to all addictive thinking (not just food) and I get it.

It’s pretty true.

The process of becoming peaceful within starts with looking at the disturbance, but it doesn’t really matter what the disturbance actually is or how it looks when acted out.

Some of us feel a disturbance, and our habitual thinking moves to reach for food, or avoid it and start obsessing about it.

There’s almost always a flavor of negativity or fear about ourselves and who we are being, how we’re showing up, what we’re “doing”.

I happen to have years of experience in my own journey, and working with others, to end the battle with eating…..

…..but humans do nutty behavior with just about anything.

My study of this for several decades has given me some insight on my own recovery, and how others change from compulsive behaviors as well, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, shopping or eating.

This work of addressing something that looks like addiction is really about ending the addiction to thinking.

Yes, I said “addiction” to thinking.

What do I mean by that? Why would someone be addicted to thinking, of all things?

I mean how we trap ourselves in compulsive mental loops, trying ultimately to solve a problem, or to get away from our feelings…to numb ourselves, to distract ourselves, to escape the moment as quickly as possible.

I know not everyone expresses this with eating woes.

When you feel like you have to DO something (eat, drink, smoke, check your emails, stay on facebook, game, over-exercise, read, fix yourself)….

….are you afraid of what would happen if you didn’t take action?

What’s the worst that could happen if you hold still?

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

(LOL).

Some of you might remember me telling my first meditation retreat story.

When I first went on a meditation retreat I thought I was being tortured by 1000 tiny ants hammering on my head and inside my skin.

I woke up every night at 2:30 or 3:00 am.

I was on a wooded wild mountaintop, with distant views of the Pacific ocean very far away (the same retreat center I’ll be teaching at in one month!–more about that later).

At night, there were no lights, and lemme tell you, not one view. Pitch dark.

I was sharing a room with a whole line-up of women all on cots, all sleeping. I would disturb them if I turned on any lights.

I realized I could only sneak out to the foyer, get a cup of tea in the wee hours, and stand there.

I was trapped!!! It was sheer torture!!!

I joke around, but we all know what was really disturbing me was not the silence, the stillness, or the lack of entertainment.

It was me facing my own inner life of thought.

My thoughts, my feelings, my awareness of the world.

It wasn’t exactly….good.

Who would you be without your beliefs about the dangers of life, or the dangers of this world, or the dangers of eating food, or the dangers of not eating food?

Who would you be without your escape behavior?

Who would you be if you took a very deep breath, and paused, and noticed your body and your environment without attacking it, or defending against it?

You might say: I don’t know who I’d be!

But not knowing feels somehow much better than KNOWING you are totally in danger, or that you’re a bad person (and so are others) or that this world is threatening.

So even though I don’t have all the answers, that’s for sure, I do notice something remarkable.

It’s OK to not know.

Right now, I’m entirely safe and quiet and peaceful, even while I’m typing these words.

You probably are too, if you’re reading this note.

Who might you be without the belief you’re in danger, or in trouble, or something’s wrong with you, or you’re very small and unworthy and the best way out of that troubling experience is to “do” something, grab something, eat something (whatever your thing is)?

I keep discovering that who I’d be is Not Acting Violent anymore with my eating, or anything else.

I question my thoughts, and everything else falls into place with balance.

“You cannot be nonviolent if there is any part of yourself that you are in opposition to. You are not truly serving if there is any part of yourself to which you will not extend compassion. Your love will always be conditional as long as you are excluding any part of yourself from it. Suffering cannot be healed through self-hate. Only through compassionate acceptance can suffering be healed. If we accept, if we open ourselves, life will transform us.” ~ Cheri Huber in There Is Nothing Wrong With You

Whatever your addictive thing is, even if it’s telling your troubling story about the world, you can slowly and gently unravel the knots that bind you.

Question your thinking, change your actions (eating, or anything).

You really can.

So I’m offering a very special Eating Peace Experience course for those who struggle with eating, food, weight, obsession about food….starting in only a few weeks on Sunday, August 3rd. It will run until November 9th.

Why is it extra special?

Because it’s on Sundays. I never usually offer courses on Sundays….but in looking at my schedule and all the events happening, it was the very best time. It may never happen again on Sundays.

If weekends work best for you, and you want to look at your relationship with food without violence, self-hatred, control, willpower or anger….this is the place to do it.

We meet from 10:30am-Noon Pacific Time/ 1:30pm-3pm Eastern Time/ 7:30pm-9pm Central European Time.

And here’s the deal: everyone enrolled in Eating Peace Experience will also get to join the EPIC eating peace inquiry circle and drop in to do The Work with the group twice a week (or listen to recordings) when you can.

This is an immersive high-touch program because we’re looking at altering our identification with eating as a soother to fear, with eating as a response to compulsive thinking.

We’re digging down into the depth to look at our urges to be violent, to put up shields, to grab and feel our survival is threatened.

But it’s only the survival of our thinking.

I loved everything I learned in Grace’s Eating Peace class. I continue to learn from the deceptively simple tools and jewels. More and more I discover the Life Beyond the Suffering around food. And If I forget, there’s always another chance to remember. Like each time I choose to eat. I’m choosing peace more and more often. Thanks, Grace! ~ Oregon, US

Grace is like the fairy godmother who is objectively and lovingly looking at what’s going on in behavior, thoughts and feelings. The content of the class felt comprehensive and well thought out. I would certainly recommend the course. Thank you. ~ Toronto, CA

Eating Peace Experience is a program I put my heart and soul into and continue to create and re-create with some key underlying principles at the foundation.

We work with behavior design, specifically co-created for you so that it’s safe for your unique situation. We question thoughts that keep us from feeling free with eating and food.

This program combines The Work of Byron Katie and self-inquiry with other angles to healing emotional eating. We address parts of ourselves, using Internal Family Systems work, we draw from many of the prominent and wise addiction theorists who have helped shape treatments for people who are suffering.

We are held up by thought leaders and spiritual teachers you’ve probably already explored and learned from.

We mostly look to ourselves, to find our own inner wisdom already present.

If you’d like to read more about it, visit this page HERE.

REPEATERS: Have you taken Eating Peace Experience before and ready for a tune-up, or to take yourself to the next chapter of your journey? Please hit reply and ask for the repeater code for $500 discount.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Mount Madonna Retreat is exactly one month away. Reports are that it’s been a wonderful summer at the center and I can’t wait to be back in this beautiful setting to do The Work with you. Vincent Santos will be leading gentle yoga before breakfast and after dinner each day exclusively for our retreat participants, and we’ll be diving into The Work together all day long. Ready for a getaway? Join us here.

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The suffering of “I won’t have enough”

In these strange times when a lot is happening in the world in extra intense ways, you may notice that thoughts you’ve had that feel stressful (or OK, terrifying) are even bigger and more pronounced.

I’ve been working with people all week doing The Work who report that some situation or relationship they previously had found insight on…..is BACK.

Kinda like those horror movies.

Ugh.

Arguing too much, feeling too much, eating too much, spending too much, worrying too much. Seeing images of a difficult or catastrophic or torturous future.

An excruciating belief can be this little ditty (a ditty is a little song, by the way…a little song or song snippet that keeps repeating in your head that you can’t stop hearing, can’t stop singing).

Maybe it feels like a full symphony orchestral piece. With strings, horns and percussion sections.

I won’t have enough.

To hold this belief, I notice I need to have experienced not-enough-ness, heard about other people not having enough, been terrified of Not Enough in the past.

I need to believe in this thing called Not Enough and that it means something terrible.

Like suffering, rejection, abandonment, pain, or death.

Who are we when we believe there isn’t enough, or won’t be later?

Freaking out. Worried. Planning incessantly. Busy. Sitting in our quiet little homes in silence, imagining a torturous future.

So who would we be without our story?

Much love,

Grace

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When collapsing in despair offers wisdom we’re seeking: stopping it

Have you longed to understand the beliefs, perspective and ideas that lead to eating? Eating Peace Retreat allows the time to do just that. We meet January 15-20 in Seattle. Read about it here. I’d be honored to have you.
But here’s a hint: slowing everything down entirely can allow us to hear what we’re thinking, and relax instead of panic.
It’s not easy….but it may not be hard, either.
Some of us, when we’ve tried absolutely everything to solve a problem (like eating, but anything else as well) and we come to a point when there’s nothing left to do….
….it seems like we could collapse in despair.
Collapsing, stopping, slowing way down…..this may have its benefits far beyond anything you could discover outside yourself.

Much love,

Grace

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Eating and traveling: whether days away or out in a new place…safety is with you

So many of us have had the thought “I have no idea what to eat!” or “I need to make sure food will be where I’m going that I can eat!”

We feel lost, confused, full of analysis.

We have to read about “the plan” or understand “the diet” and have someone tell us what to avoid, what to add, what to never eat, what to always eat. Maybe we take books and calculations with us everywhere, so we can look up whether something is “allowed” or not.

Then we plan and manage food, and take food with us on trips when we travel, even if there’s plenty of food where we’re going.

Not that there’s anything wrong with finding structure and balance that’s peaceful and supportive. Education is sometimes amazing for this. Asking questions is also helpful, when you have them.

(I’ve worked with many people who follow a food plan for awhile in order to learn normal portions, comfortable ways of eating, balanced amounts and types of foods).

But what if you had a built-in compass that could support you in a balanced way with what you eat?

Well, you do.

It’s not in the mind.

Which is tricky, because the mind gets so loud and brash, it appears to override our experiences and take over everything….including (it seems) our contact with the wisdom in our own bodies.

Yet, the mind never kills off our access to the body.

In the body has an inner compass or refined measuring mechanism that is through the felt senses. We feel “enough” or we feel “too much” when it comes to eating and foods.

How do you find connection with this built-in compass you already have, since the day you were born?

Slow Down.

We don’t follow the impulses of the mind or emotion so quickly. We question “I need to eat that immediately” or “I need to eat x to be happy” or “I need to NOT eat x to be happy”.

Who would you be without your story about what’s going on around you?

What if it wasn’t frightening to be without a thought or story about what’s going on with food, eating or your weight?

What if it was peaceful, relaxed, and natural instead?

If you’d like to come experience what it’s like to question your thoughts, in a loving, kind, supportive environment so you tap into what’s happening in the mind, what’s happening in your emotions, what’s happening in your body….

….then join me at Eating Peace Retreat 2019. We begin Weds evening 7 pm on January 9th and end Monday morning 11:00 am on January 14th.

You may experience the relief of discovering your inner compass that you thought didn’t exist anymore. The one that you can hear again that says “enough” or “done” and the one that says “let’s eat” with joy and freedom!

When we pay attention to the body, we’re attuned with the natural flow of What Is, not grabbing for concepts about foods and eating and bodies that really are not true–or are only ideas in the mind.

If you are not able to come to retreat to experience the joy of questioning stressful thoughts and eating in peace, then enjoy this guided meal meditation right here.

You can do this. If you’re wondering whether or not you can, remember it’s a process, a practice. You can question that you don’t have what it takes.

Is it true? No.

You can find trust, balance and joy in the flow of eating where no kind of food is evil, poisonous and frightening, and you get to notice what works for you and what doesn’t, without shame, fear or control.

You were born this way. You can return to it.

If I can, so can you.

“The most peace I have ever felt in my life with food was at the Eating Peace Retreat.” ~ participant

Much love,

Grace

 

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Deep abiding eating peace happens one step at a time, not by following Urgent Mind

Urgent Mind. It will scream “something needs to dramatically change RIGHT NOW!”

And maybe add in a few cuss words and demand that you go on a fast, yesterday, and quit your sick behavior with food.

It will threaten, cajole, condemn and criticize with grand viciousness.

Sometimes, speaking from personal experience, we really can make changes–for awhile at least–by listening to the Urgent Mind.

But that same urgency can also pop through when you have the idea to break the fast, or go off the diet, or get the food into your mouth.

QUICK! NOW! MOVE IT! EMERGENCY!

I never found it worked to follow Urgent Mind’s commands.

What to do instead? Slow down. Take micro steps.

Notice what is, notice what’s happening, and get support.

Today, I’m talking about the tiny but abiding voice of peace and kindness and yearning that’s within all of us.

It is possible to slow down, and not approach our relationship with eating and food, in this moment, as so horrendous and full of failure.

Watch below for more on this idea, and if you’re wanting to participate in the quiet practice of Slow Mind – Slow Eating, then come to the eating peace retreat.

Eating Peace Retreat is a profound ways to reset your relationship with food and eating….and your thinking.

It happens this upcoming year from January 9-14, 2019 beginning Weds evening and ending Monday morning, in Lake Forest Park, Washington (my home town).

Join me for an absolutely beautiful time in inquiry and peaceful, mindful eating, for every meal.

Strangely, our goal is not weight loss (although that can be a side effect) or thinness or pristine eating or health management (although, again, all these usually wind up happening as side effects).

Our goal, as a group of wild, wonderful, deep inquirers….is freedom.

Freedom from obsessing, freedom from managing, freedom from controlling, measuring, analyzing, criticizing, documenting, endlessly evaluating our eating and our food and our bodies.

Our intention is freedom from caring so very desperately about food and eating so that we become filled with Urgency and panic.

What I find, is as I have inquired, relaxed, accepted myself and followed my natural hunger and fullness….the fear has diminished, and dissolved.

You can come experience yourself with inquiry and peaceful eating for five whole days and start 2019 off by hitting the reset button on your approach to eating and food.

Instead of force, control, or fierce will, we discover trust, acceptance and love and the power of these to affect change in a most sincere and abiding way.

Sign up for the annual Eating Peace Retreat right here: https://eatingpeaceprocess.com/retreats/

Maximum 12 participants. If you would like to repeat the Eating Peace Retreat, I have a small coupon for you (please write for the code).

Our beautiful group assembles in a private elegant cozy January retreat house we have to ourselves. There are five bedrooms for those who wish to stay overnight (two are already taken). To read more details about the retreat before committing, visit this page here.

I’d be so honored to have you join us.

But honestly, from the bottom of my heart, you will ultimately find your own retreat within. As they say “the way in, is the way out.”

So even if you can’t come all the way to Lake Forest Park, Washington for eating peace retreat, you absolutely have access to a peace beyond your beliefs when it comes to eating.

“Hi Grace, I wanted to thank you for a wonderful retreat. It was life changing. The Work has been such an amazing tool in my life and to combine it with eating peace could not be more perfect. In my heart i feel it was the missing piece and exactly what I was hoping for when i signed up and more. I am so grateful and excited to practice eating peace in my daily life and continue to use The Work on my stressful thoughts around food and eating…Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your guidance, wisdom and teaching, it is such a great gift to share”.~ participant from New York

“Grace, As I returned home I can very clearly notice, that eating without silence and in rush now is not fun at all. I WANT to eat slowly and take a good care about myself. It is so loving and beautiful. I am happy to see I am again being aware of my thoughts about food and hunger and different kind of wanting. Grace I am very thankful to you for manifesting in my life and for bringing the inquiry about food and hunger. I really needed this retreat, I feel refreshed, stronger and more aware about my body and its real needs again. Thank you so much Grace, thank you for presenting your workshop in such a dignity, balanced and elegance way. It was for me a real honor and privilege to participate, observe and to learn from you”. ~ participant from Wisconsin

“The most peace I have ever felt in my life with food was at the Eating Peace Retreat.” ~ participant from Colorado

Much love,

Grace

 

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We eat to live. Is there something dying in you if you’re eating too much food?

I’ve been deep in the autumn retreat I’ve seemed to offer for a few years now doing The Work of Byron Katie. True, honest sharing together questioning stressful stories. I’m so grateful for the fabulous group of people who attended.

Now that it’s over…it’s a wide open road to the Eating Peace Process; a circle of people who will travel together live online through self-inquiry and guidance in mindful and peaceful eating for five months together.

It doesn’t matter if;

  • you’re somewhat discouraged about a tendency to overeat a lot and you’re feeling slightly (or very) chubby OR
  • you’re desperate for some kind of balance between binge-eating and self-starvation OR
  • you’re someone whose mind is filled constantly with labels, chemicals, diet plan(s), measurements and worry about what and how much to eat OR
  • you over-exercise and think you should eat salads all day….

….No matter where you are on the spectrum or experience of eating battles, you don’t feel peace when it comes to eating. There’s a pain in eating, in this whole thing called “eating”.

Instead of joy or ease, you often feel anger, fear, discouragement, and sometimes even self-hatred.

At least, that’s what eating used to be like for me. It wasn’t ever fun. My experience of eating went from craving and ravenous to unpleasant to torturous regularly.

Even as the autumn retreat was underway this past weekend, I sat on my front porch Saturday morning to make a video for you.

It was inspired by a bird’s-eye look at eating itself as an activity we humans seem to be required to do.

This thing called “eating”. What is it for, bottom line?

Life.

Eating provides fuel for being alive physically. Keeping this body running and going.

It’s often pleasurable, too, and built to be that way. It’s lovely to have the organism kept fueled from activity that’s appealing. (That was a smart creation move).

And there’s so much to choose from, it’s rather astonishing. We can eat so many things in this world!

So what’s happening when there becomes urgency for eating? Could it be a bid, or a symbol of feeling urgent about living life, having life, being alive?

When I think about this act of eating itself being a basic need and drive for life, I recognize from my binge-eating days that something in me was driven insane trying to LIVE.

I wanted to EAT, EAT, EAT….but really I wanted to feel alive….and something, honestly, felt dead inside.

Something was locked away, suppressed, dismissed, overlooked, ignored.

I had a hunger that wasn’t getting fed or satisfied, and I thought my only option was to pretend it wasn’t there, and bottle it up inside.

Freedom to eat in a relaxed way was not possible in that state of mind, where some things were “killed” within and not dealt with. At the time when my eating was seriously out of whack, I was so hungry for an honest life, and full of sadness and desperation because parts of me felt ignored, needy and even dead.

One good question you might ask yourself, if you overeat or over-focus on eating: what have I tried to kill within (the opposite of life)? What feels like it’s died inside me? What am I really hungry for, or wanting to give fuel to? What am I so afraid to do or be that I’m not trying it?

In preparation for the upcoming Eating Peace Process Immersion starting November 13th, I’m offering a webinar for anyone and everyone seeking eating peace. Mark your calendar for the time that works for you best. These will be free, and I’ll share information and answer questions only at the end about the immersion program running November through April.

Eating Peace Free Masterclass Webinar, offered 3 different times (you choose what works best). If you want to join, you must register by entering your email here.

  • Tuesday, October 30th 4:00 pm PT
  • Thursday, November 1st 8:00 am PT
  • Sunday, November 11th 10:00 am PT

Because so many people have questions or feel pretty discouraged about new eating programs (especially because you’ve been on 800 diets or food plans in your life) I am ALSO offering a new experiment in online support before the full-on program starts:

An 8 day free course delivered through facebook LIVE. If you’re interested then sign up HERE to receive daily alerts via email for the live course. It will run Nov 4-11th, and you’ll have access to the recordings.

In this facebook live eating peace 8-day course, I’ll share one very important principle each day for freedom from eating battles through the process of self-inquiry, meditation and inner rest.

In a way, all these courses and offerings are simply the creative act of living. It is not ultimately required that we know “more” about how eating works, or the body’s digestive system, or to get a PhD in Nutrition or Psychology.

Maybe the way through is feeling comfort with life here in this moment now. Not being so afraid of the past, or painful ideas about living (which can be very scary).

Who would we be without our fearful stories about living as humans on planet earth? Who would I be without my thoughts?

Wow.

“Both pleasure and pain are projections, and it takes a clear mind to understand that. After inquiry, the experience of pain changes. The joy that was always beneath the surface of pain is primary now, and the pain is underneath it. People who do The Work stop fearing pain. They relax into it. They watch it come and go, and they see that it always comes and goes at the perfect moment.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

Eating Peace Process 5 month Immersion starts in November. You can read about it and learn more about the schedule here.
Eating Peace Process Participant: Miraculous Peace
I feel an indescribable peace. I saw this in action this morning. I had the experience of waking up, filled with anxiety and doing the exercise where I listed all the stressful thoughts. What I did next was genuinely say to myself that I was excited to know what the insight was and I really felt the excitement and gratitude…I went to respond to the list of complaints and world-class wisdom came out me. It was amazing! This is new. I can put the stressful thoughts on the side without having to do more than a few minutes exercise and get to a peaceful place. It’s kind of a miracle!
Much love,
Grace

 

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How do you react when you don’t feel at home? Easy. I ate.

As I prepare for the new Eating Peace Process Immersion, coming up in mid-November, I’m creating two helpful (I hope) and complimentary events that I hope will support eating freedom and clarity, and give you the chance to experience online group connection and learning with me:

1) a brand new completely free Eating Peace Webinar on changing the stories that drive eating wars, and;

2) a one-week Eating Wars Challenge where we’ll be together daily from November 4-10 on facebook live to question and shift compulsive or emotional eating in our lives.

I’ll share more in upcoming Eating Peace Notes soon, including information on how to join one or both of these complimentary trainings.

The other day, I was reflecting on one of my first most terrible, dreadful “loneliness” stories.

The “I Am Lonely” story.

I am not connected, I am abandoned, I am alone, I am not safe.

I AM NOT HOME.

This story is incredibly stressful.

When I believed it was the truth, what did I do?

I isolated, I tried to hold back tears, I slept a lot or lay in my bed…and I ate.

This is a truly powerful story to question. So let’s do it today (and you’re welcome to watch my live youtube on this right here).

I am not home.

Is it true?

No.

When I think about this right now, today, I can still find the voice that wonders where home is….that isn’t so sure it’s here, now. But I really can’t know that voice is accurate.

The thought comes in “where else would home be, if not here?”

I can really see it’s not True.

But how do you react when you think it is?

Doubt enters my heart, and I feel it in my body. I believe I won’t be safe quite soon, and I’m not emotionally safe now. I can’t relax. I want to go home, like a little kid saying “where’s my mommy?”

And if you watch my story I shared on youtube, you’ll know that the way I reacted to this belief “I am not home” is that I ate.

I ate and ate and ate and stuffed and filled myself. I remember I knew how to say in French, “J’ai manger trop”.

“I ate too much!”

I said this many times to my student leader on my foreign exchange program who was probably about 24 and seemed so old and wise and capable. I remember her saying back to me “you’ve said that a lot!”

Ugh.

I’ve sat with many people in this stressful belief. Some people react by hunting for the perfect mate. Some people buy clothes and go shopping and try to enhance their environment with a feeling of “home”. Some people watch TV or movies, or join a ton of groups, or fill their time with way too many tasks.

Just watch, if you’ve held this belief that you are not ultimately at home, how stressful it can be.

I notice that I’ve felt source, reality, universe, God, were very far away somewhere and not listening to me. (I notice it makes no sense at all, really, but the images are of distance, outer space, being cut-off, feeling desperately sad).

Now….who would you be without this belief you aren’t home?

I instantly notice a sense of relief or wonder about this moment. It’s quiet, yet I can hear a lot of sounds–crows and eagles outside, a group passing by on bikes calling to each other, wind chimes on the front porch, a loud motor from the busy street in the distance.

But I suppose it would be fine if suddenly I was deaf.

And what would this moment be like without sight, without the belief you aren’t home?

I find there’s a trust present that I didn’t feel before. Something kind. I’m not assuming darkness or blackness means aloneness or separation.

Turning the thought around: what if you are connected? What if you are home?

I am connected, I am found, I am surrounded, I am safe.

Was that actually true for me at that time so long ago when I shared my story of being so far away in another country?

Yes.

I had a group leader, I had adults who had welcomed me into their home to spend time with their family for the entire summer, I sang all summer with my friends in 3-part harmony during our bike ride adventure through France, I felt joy at the beauty I witnessed of landscapes and castles and camping in barns on hay, I learned that I didn’t need my parents or family around in order to be happy.

I also learned that something in me felt terrified and reached for food for relief, escape and comfort. I lost some of my innocence of childhood and discovered I had something vital to contend with—my inner soul’s desire to connect with other humans honestly (instead of food).

It was not easy.

I am still practicing and learning the living turnaround: I am home.

But what I can see is when I do not believe that I’m not home and there’s no hope in returning home, I do not eat wildly and desperately.

I notice a need to articulate my feelings and speak them. I ask for support and put myself in environments where I will receive it. I connect with other people–including all the clients and people who appear for groups–and we do this work, together.

I feel in this body, and in my consciousness, a sense of now, here, being, open.

Gratitude may appear. Thankful for this chair. Thankful for this tree. Thankful for this mind, these thoughts, these feelings even.

This. Nothing more required.

Geese appear high over us,
pass, and the sky closes. Abandon,
as in love or sleep, holds
them to their way, clear
in the ancient faith: what we need
is here. And we pray, not
for new earth or heaven, but to be
quiet in heart, and in eye,
clear. What we need is here.
~ Wendell Berry

Much love,
Grace

P.S. All new Eating Peace webinar in the works, along with a 7 day Eating Wars Challenge (long-time requested, and I’ll finally do it). Stay tuned, the webinars will happen October 24th 9 am PT and October 25th 2 pm PT and again on the weekend November 10th 4 pm PT and November 11th 10 am PT.

The daily LIVE challenge will begin Sunday, November 4th and I’ll go live on facebook daily with a really life-changing important “story” to challenge when it comes to dissolving compulsive eating.

Eating Peace Process 5 month Immersion starts in November. Registration will open at the end of October. Read about it here.

Eating Peace Annual Retreat. Limited to 14 people. Learn more here. Amazingly, already this is filling even though 3.5 months away. Love to have you start the new year with eating peace Jan 9-14, 2019.

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What is emotional eating? The one most important thing we can do to interrupt the cycle.

What is emotional eating and how do we stop?

Whenever we feel uncomfortable feelings, and we hate feeling them, the process of addiction actually works.

Kind of.

We feel very upset because of some contact with reality, with people, with difficult situations. We FEEL triggered, upset, troubled, and we want to calm down.

So, we eat, drink, spend, escape. We change the channel. We don’t feel bad anymore, we don’t feel guilty anymore. For about five minutes. Or a few hours.

Then, the medicine of numbing offered by our behavior wears off, and we feel then feel horrible about ourselves and our eating (or other behavior we dislike). We think we deserve punishment!

When we feel awful about ourselves, we think violence, control and punishment will create change. It can force something to happen (but it never works in a permanent, abiding way of course).

Here are the steps to enter a more compassionate state, vs the mean ruler voice that often steals our peace:

1) Notice you are experiencing emotions. I am filled with feeling. It’s uncomfortable. I may even begin to panic about these feelings.

2) Interrupt the cycle. Instead of reaching for something to eat, let’s pause and slow down. Just for 60 seconds. Can you wait for 60 seconds? Can you handle these feelings, without doing anything? Can you relax, even though emotions are running?

3) If you actually eat or do something to help you cope with your feelings, you’ve spun into step 2 on the Sin-Guilt-Punishment Cycle. You feel horribly guilty and like you are a terrible person. But it’s not too late to once again interrupt the cycle and question your thinking.

 

You’re a bad person, you are wrong…is it true? Are you sure that’s true? Who would you be without this belief?

4) If you still feel bad, and you believe punishment will indeed resolve your discomfort with experiencing feelings like anxiety, depression, or anger which led to escaping those feelings….pause and interrupt at this phase if you can.

Notice the meanness of that voice, and what a dictator it is. “You deserve to be punished, now that you’ve gone and done it again.” Is that actually true? Could something else be going on? Could you be reaching for love, peace, calm, understanding?

Self-Compassion can interrupt the cycle in any place on the merry-go-round. Self-compassion is kindness to yourself.

Self-Compassion reminds us that we can handle feelings, and they won’t kill us.

You can handle this moment. You can handle this discomfort. You can pause, breathe, slow down, and notice feelings are a part of you, not all of you.

Can you imagine someone or something that is very compassionate, kind, loving, unconditionally accepting?

This could be your guide. Your Compassionate Advisor. Maybe it’s God, the Force, Love, Life, a tree somewhere, a Guide, an Angel, A Fairy Godmother.

If you find that you absolutely cannot seem to stop the merry-go-round cycle of addiction: a) Believing your feelings are a sin or crime, b) suppressing or escaping from your horror or discomfort, from your feelings (by eating or whatever else), c) punishing yourself for being a bad person….

….then find people you feel safe with to connect with who can help support you in your feelings, and not want to crush them with an addictive process.

Twelve step groups, therapy groups, spiritual groups, retreats, support groups offer immense value for helping us connect honestly, and breaking this cycle.

You can end eating your emotions, and discover eating peace.

“Addictions are always the effect of an unquestioned mind. The only true addiction to work with is the addiction to your thoughts. As you question those thoughts, that addiction ceases because you no longer believe those thoughts. And as those thoughts cease, as you cease to believe them, then the addictions in your life cease to be. It is a process. And there’s no choice; you believe what you think, or you question it.” ~ Byron Katie