First Friday open call for everyone is this Friday December 1st at 7:45 – 9:15 am Pacific time. Join HERE.
Wow, people are flying in and making AirBnB reservations nearby, or staying with friends, or commuting to Seattle December 8-10. Because of time of year, last-minute prep and the lower expense of having it right in my own cottage, the fee is only $195 for Friday 9:30 am through Sunday noon.
If you’d really like to come Friday all-day only, you’re welcome for $95. If you’re experienced in The Work and want to come Saturday afternoon only 12/9 from 2:00-6:00 let me know, there may be room to make this work. To join us in what will surely be an inner adventure, sign up HERE for all 3 days. Hit reply if you have any question or see a different arrangement working for you.
I can’t wait. I love what’s possible when you allow new ideas to pop in and unfold–which is this retreat itself. I love someone’s coming from California, and another from the east coast. What a time to do The Work, in this wet, dark, rainy atmosphere when sometimes Other People and The World can be daunting.
For example.
I saw an old familiar sort of post the other day on facebook, with a deeply troubled objection to The Work. Or perhaps the objection was to the world, to life, to what is seen by the mind.
I totally get what Byron Katie is telling us … “it hurts when I argue with reality” … but sometimes it is so hard to even imagine not arguing with the horrors that are happening all around us and the immeasurable suffering involved. Much of the time it feels so cynical. (FACEBOOK post)
Someone else then chimed in that she thinks of sex trafficking, abduction, drug use, slavery…and how could anyone ever say to victimized children that they should love what is?
My heart sunk in the sadness of the approach, and the misunderstanding. I hope no one ever says to someone suffering deeply “you should love what is”.
Actually, someone doing their own inquiry work, I can’t imagine being able to say it. It would be so opposite of compassion, unconditional care, or doing The Work–which is an Inside Job.
And ONLY an inside job.
But I could feel the despair in what these people wrote.
It’s a profound wondering to look out into the world, that appears to be filled with destruction, environmental change (I just learned since 1970 the world’s wild animal population has been cut in half), mass shootings, war, violence, starvation, pollution, poverty, anger, suffering, unkindness….
….and hold what we see up against the powerful phrase “loving what is.”
Are you telling me to love THAT?!
Fortunately, what I’ve found is no one is ever telling me anything.
All The Work is….is four questions.
I have to be the one doing the actual work of inquiry. I get to find out if I love what is, or don’t love it, and the true deepest meaning of “love” and how to sit with reality even when it breaks my heart.
I get to see that there is no division of the world cut into evil and good, love and hate, life and death, terrible and wonderful.
Everything is all mixed up together….all the time.
When I do The Work one thought at a time, slowed down, considering and contemplating each individual situation I’ve noticed I’m arguing with, is the outcome isn’t my old definition of “love”.
I’m opened, in a new way, to what is. My heart is broken open sometimes. It’s not exactly soft, friendly.
Once I thought I heard Byron Katie say “I’m asking you to go into hell. This is not easy.” Although I’m not sure of the quote.
And yet it’s my experience. The Work isn’t for sissies. We’re going to hell. On purpose. (Or because if you’re like me, you’ve tried absolutely everything else and you have no other choice really).
Questioning the destruction or brutal nature of incidents, of things that frighten me like disease and death, fighting and violence….
….this process called The Work does not lead to passivity.
It doesn’t lead to me knowing what anyone else should do or not do. It does not lead to me needing something from other people in order to be happy, or living alone in a bubble.
It doesn’t lead me to pure detachment, or thinking no one or nothing else matters in an apathetic kind of way, or a resigned way. I find apathy and resignation to feel stressful, and therefore worthy of inquiry of course.
But let’s see. Hmmm.
The only way I know to work with a stressful thought?
The Work.
The people on facebook and all those who think doing The Work means standing and looking at other peoples’ suffering without action, without caring or attention….
….they should understand they’re mistaken.
They shouldn’t think The Work is spiritual self-centeredness. They should see it brings out greater action, passion, fearless movement, transformation. They should understand.
Is it true?
No. What’s the reality?
They see lots of pain in the world, and they don’t see how looking at the pain differently would change it. They want to see empowered action, movement, healing, kindness. I do too.
How do I react when I believe those people shouldn’t judge The Work as condoning violence, or abuse of children, or that it preaches to people to love what is?
Frustrated. Irritated. Sad. Wanting to set them straight and explain to them what’s really true.
Who would I be without the thought?
Starting to compose a rare facebook post to try to explain or respond….and deleting it. Understanding their suffering and pain.
Doing my own work, instead. Signing up to attend a meeting to get involved in climate change work, this very week. Just did it.
Working with myself and others on their experiences of abuse, rape, cancer, illness, death, suicide, addiction, fear and terror.
Being profoundly moved by sitting in this work and then being called to live my turnarounds as best I can. Getting involved with a compassionate heart, not an angry one.
Not fighting or thinking anyone’s wrong to have their opinion.
Turning the thought around: They should say and think and feel exactly what they do.
They’re right.
There are horrors, immeasurable suffering, and arguments with it all.
Turning it around again: I myself who thinks doing The Work means standing and looking at my own (or others’) suffering without action, without caring or attention….
….I should understand I am mistaken.
I shouldn’t think The Work is spiritual anything. I should see it brings out greater action, passion, fearless movement, transformation. I should understand others, and myself.
Have I ever treated doing The Work as something that allows me to stand and look at suffering without action, or care?
Wow. Yes. I once kept doing The Work over and over again on the same person because I felt so angry. He was a person full of suffering–he said so himself. He told me to leave him alone, and I didn’t.
I wasn’t caring for my own suffering. I wasn’t caring for his requests. I did The Work with a motive not to be angry, so I could keep pestering him and avoid looking at my own life.
I also forget that my path is no better than anyone else’s path, that I have nothing they don’t also have. I think I know more or better than someone who wrote something on facebook, who I’ve never met before. I forget I’m not in charge.
“Just as we use stress and fear to motivate ourselves to make money, we often rely on anger and frustration to move us to social activism. If I want to act sanely and effectively while I clean up the earth’s environment, let me begin by cleaning up my own environment. All the trash and pollution in my thinking–let me clean up that by meeting it with love and understanding. Then my action can become truly effective. It takes just one person to help the planet. That one is you.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is
Thank you people who posted on facebook, and thank you news, and reports, and speeches and rallies and images, movies, pictures, radio information, and very troubling happenings of any kind (that mostly seem to occur on my computer I notice)….you show me my invitation to help the planet.
To see the planet as helping me.
To bring out the best, most truly effective action possible, without expectation or demand of any kind.
“You learn to resolve problems peacefully within yourself, and now we have a teacher. Fear teaches fear. Only peace can teach peace.” ~ Byron Katie
Eating Peace Annual Retreat is getting full. Seattle, January 11-15, 2018. We begin Thursday evening 7:00 pm, ending Monday January 15th at 11:30 am. Room still available onsite if you’d like to rent a room at the private retreat house–reply to me if you’re interested. Nearby AirBnB also available (personal friends of Grace).
To read more about it and register, visit here. An incredibly powerful way to begin your year, with a direct experience of eating peace, and questioning the thoughts that keep us off-balance with food.
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It’s not exactly brand new information or surprising news that experiencing trauma towards the body–from mild disrespect, to major violence–can result in weight change for some people.
Sometimes the body becomes heavier as a sort of armor against the world, sometimes thinner as a way of becoming invisible.
Today, because I’ve worked with a whole lot of people lately who’ve had very violent thoughts about their own bodies, I offer an exercise you can do to consider what beliefs might be running behind the surface of your body-criticism.
First, think of a body part (or perhaps it’s your whole body your weight) that you don’t like. I noticed, by the way, that even when I felt my very fattest and heaviest, I didn’t judge my feet or hands, my shoulders, my skin, my physical strength, my hair, my joints, my endurance.
Good to notice you don’t absolutely hate everything about your body.
Once you identify the shape or body part you dislike so much, you can study it with a more open mind….or at least a more willing mind.
Think of it like you’re gathering information, you’re uncovering some hidden files you may not have thought to identify before this.
You’re a very good sleuth, or detective, of this body, or body part, and what you think it means about you (or anyone) who has a body part that looks this way.
Watch the video, and then consider the questions I’ve written up in the free download, to help you study your painful beliefs about what having this body means for you (I made this worksheet, since I didn’t include all the questions inside the video).
Let me know what you find! Any questions or comments under the video I will read and answer. Or if you prefer to be more private, write me at grace@workwithgrace.com.
Isn’t this the most fun and interesting thing ever!?
I just learned that something I previously thought was a done deal and definitely happening….isn’t.
There have been a few other things in my life which have gone that way, some of them that triggered me wildly.
I practically had a heart attack and thought my life was over when I experienced the following: death of my father, divorce, job loss, money gone, moving from this location to another one (against my will!), best friend cutting me off.
This current situation is perhaps not so dramatic, and yet….what an exciting awareness for what is possible when you don’t think the way it’s going is a disaster.
The Breitenbush Retreat in Oregon has been changed.
The good people of Breitenbush needed to cancel due to low enrollment and feeling the sting of financial loss because of forest fires last summer (causing evacuation of their entire property). Unless things looked really full, they didn’t want to move forward.
I got crazy surprised!
I know how people decide last-minute to come to a powerful retreat to question their thinking. People worried about driving through the snow to the woods. They didn’t like it.
But here’s the deal: We’re still sitting in inquiry for 3 days, and bringing this experience to life: re-group, re-wire, re-set.
Because that’s what can happen December 8-10, 2017. A complete Control-Alt-Delete. A Reset.
A way to look at what you’re thinking…and start over.
The retreat is now in Seattle, at half the original fee. $195 for 3 days, and you can commute, find your own lodging, stay with a friend, share with others who are also already coming.
If you live in Seattle, it’s a pretty unusual occasion.
Have you wanted inquiry? In a focused, concentrated environment?
That’s what you’ll get with this retreat.
In fact, I’m amazed at what I can open up to, when I question my thoughts and don’t have a closed mind. It’s revealed itself in this retreat-changing process.
At first I thought: “Oh, sad day. This is terrible. OK then, I have three days unexpectedly free, so I’ll revert to my usual solo sessions with clients.”
(And not need to leave home, by the way, or pack…I could see advantages for the news).
The mind flashes images of what it thinks will happen, now that the plans are changing.
You might have noticed this kind of alternative image-flashing with what you think will happen when it comes to a relationship change, a family change, a job change, a home change, a climate change.
Oh yah, I will be better off, finally .
Oh shi*t, I will be worse off, oh dread.
Do you see the images you anticipate, because of what you think will happen in the future?
I thought my life would be Un-Supported because my dad died. I thought my life would be Un-Loved because my marriage ended. I thought my life would be Un-Known because of the relationship weekend retreat change.
People with major life changes think often of frightening, even horrifying, terrible, dark, difficult, awful alternatives about the future.
It’s going to be BAD.
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know, without any question of a doubt, of the terrible-ness of this situation you’re imagining?
Yes.
In my case…Breitenbush cancels, and someone has actually made plane reservations. They are coming from very, very far away to this particular location.
How do you react when you believe “this change is horrible.”
I FREAK OUT.
I worry about what THEY feel. I’m anxious because I took 3 days out of my life and schedule to be with a group of inquirers.
I’m at a loss for creativity, or other alternatives, or different ways of looking at the situation. I feel aggravated with the people who “caused” this.
But who would I be without this story?
If I couldn’t have this story at all, this thought, AT ALL?
Really.
What would that be like?
Use your imagination, in your situation. Who would you be without your thought that what has changed….shouldn’t have changed?
Wow.
I’d be excited, open, not alarmed, wondering what will occur next.
I’d be putting together a new possibility of what December 8-10 will look like for me, and for some others who join me.
Exciting!
Everyone’s invited to our home. We have a cozy living room, we’re near a beautiful walking/biking trail, we live VERY near Lake Washington (we’ll go there for a meditation walk–it’s a block away) and our cabin is warm, welcoming, and most importantly we’re deep in self-inquiry and love exploring our thoughts, and what can happen when we do).
We’ll begin Friday morning 9:30 am on December 8th and end on Sunday at noon on December 10th.
Commuters are entirely welcome. In fact, there’s no place to sleep here at the cottage, but come and go every day and you’re welcome. It’s adorable. This Goldilocks Cottage has held many a retreat, and it’s shockingly only 710 square feet. But oh what a lovely little space.
We’ll have the kettle on the boil, snacks, clipboards, comfy chairs…and most importantly we’ll have the power of self-inquiry using The Work of Byron Katie.
I can’t imagine, honestly, a better time of year for this work.
About to visit relatives? About to connect with friends you haven’t seen in years? Reuniting with a family you thought was “broken”? Thinking some stressful thoughts?
This work is how to deal with these considerations.
Who would we be without our painful or limiting stories?
“As you begin to question your mind, mind loses the ability to believe that it’s a this or a that. It ceases to identify itself. It becomes free.” ~ Byron Katie in A Mind At Home With Itself
If you’re drawn to joining me in my living room in December, with a cup of hot tea and these powerful questions known as The Work….then come, come. You’ll have personal attention. YOU will be the one to answer the questions.
Oh, and by the way….speaking of change. My website has a completely new look. Total makeover. Check it out HERE.
And when it comes to beliefs, and how-it-is, it’s amazing what you can find without anyone else telling you what to find. You know it’s the only true way. No guru, no teacher, no set answer. Seeing for yourself.
Join me for inquiry in the least expensive retreat of the year (there seems to be a “sale” orientation in the atmosphere at least in the US). Perhaps this is the black Friday option that was not ever intended to be. Ha ha.
To sign up for the newest revised edition of the retreat, please click HERE. You’ll also see the new version of Work With Grace’s website.
Breitenbush is still ON (in case you didn’t hear the news–they have been considering canceling workshops that aren’t full–we have a handful of spots). A lovely group is attending and we’d be so thrilled to have you join us Dec 7-10. Breitenbush will wait until Friday for your registration now because we do have a solid group already coming, but you must decide and register as soon as possible (by 11/24).
Nothing like this lush, cozy get-a-way in the deep woods between US Thanksgiving and before New Years to question your thoughts.
What an incredible time to do it, in fact. With gatherings, holidays, family…what a brilliant opportunity to understand your own mind and be at peace with what those other people are doing.
You can’t change them, right? But you can look at what aggravates you most about being around them.
And question it.
I love what tends to happen when you do The Work: awareness, surprise, relaxation, peace, clarity, joy, laughter.
Those other people and circumstances, amazingly, don’t have to change. I can work with the world the way it is–even family.
The other day, in fact, I worked with a client who new he’d be seeing his family very soon for the feast holiday in the USA this coming Thursday.
“One of my brothers will be there,” he said with a sad tone. “I’m not supposed to show I’m afraid, or give any advice, or act upset when I’m around him.”
Yikes.
Have you ever thought you need to be on your best spiritual behavior around someone?
Don’t freak out or make a scrunchy face–they might think you’re being “negative”. Don’t react! Don’t say that thing you always say.
Don’t upset them! Watch out!!!
I love beginning to inquire before ever, ever making contact with that person I feel upset about. The shift within can seem small, but perhaps make all the difference in the world. No expectations. Just looking at what I believe.
Here’s a great place to begin the inquiry: Ask yourself, what’s the worst that could happen? Why is it so important for you to be on your best behavior in the upcoming gathering? Why should you make sure not to upset that person?
So many reasons!
They’ll cry. They yell. They’ll leave. They’ll exit and never come back. I’ll lose them forever. They’ll snap at me and rake me through the coals. They’ll be mean, unkind. I’ll feel hurt, lost, very unhappy. They’ll think I caused harm. I’ll feel guilty. They’ll freak out, and freak everyone else out.
Ooh. Dang. No wonder I need to be on my best spiritual behavior with that person.
Long ago, I had a family member cut off everyone in the family because she got too much advice, too many alarmed responses to her situation. She thought everyone was judging her, and they shouldn’t be.
Now, I may be tempted to analyze what SHE should have done The Work on….but just like my sweet client who thought he shouldn’t do it wrong around his brother…
…this work is always about ourselves.
The questions are here for our own inner peace, not anyone else’s.
So let’s go.
Is it true, you should be very careful not to disturb that other person (and follow their directions and requests to be calm, cordial and nice around them during the holiday)?
Yes.
I want them in my life. I love that person. They’re family. I’m concerned we’ll no longer be connected.
Yes, I’ll do anything. I don’t want to be abandoned by them. This needs to go well.
How do you react when you believe you should be careful how you act around them?
I’m well-intentioned. I want to make them comfortable. I don’t want to feel guilty. I’m anxious they’ll run away with one false move (if I say something off or wrong). I feel very worried, tense, tight.
Inside, I fume about how rigid they are…how skittish and controlling and fearful. I have a lot of advice about how she should calm down and stop judging me.
Who would you be without this very stressful story of needing to be careful around that person, lest they ditch you forever?
Oh. Huh.
Without the belief I need to be spiritual around them?
Woah.
I’d be more real. I’d be honest. I’d be noticing how much I love that person, with all my heart, and how I’m simply afraid…But maybe not really. I love them, whether they’re in front of me or not.
Without the belief I should act carefully, so they don’t freak out…
…I’d be real. I’d be playful. I’d remember my humor. I’d feel excited to see them.
Turning the thought around: I do NOT need to be on any kind of best spiritual behavior around my family member. How could this be true?
I most enjoy telling the truth, being honest, sharing from my deepest heart. I want to cry, hug, be normal, laugh. I want to have the full range of human experience in the presence of that person. I want to be a human being, which is what I am…not an angel, or someone fake.
They don’t want me to be spiritual or act nice around them–especially when I don’t feel spiritual or good or nice.
Wow, could this really be just as true?
Yes. That person likes direct honesty. They like lazer-sharp reality. They respond well to the total truth. They don’t like sugar-coated false connection. They want me to be real and honest. It’s the greatest care I could give. They might not like it right off the bat, but me being me…they love.
Turning it around again: I want me to be on my best spiritual behavior, around myself. I also want me to be on my best spiritual behavior, around THEM.
Oh man, it’s true.
I’ve often had these extreme expectations of myself around others: to be wise, honest, loving, kind, likable, non-threatening. To be thought of as an easy person, powerful person, or desirable person to be with.
Oh dear.
Ugh.
I used to think I should be like Maria in the Sound of Music, in fact. Powerful, sincere, loving, creative, passionate, rebellious, gentle. And oh, a very good singing voice.
Plus the star of the show. Just saying.
Maybe the expectations are a little high? Or simply not me? Or not based in reality?
Perhaps I could be myself, and still live a happy human life. You think?
What is “spiritual behavior” anyway? Could it include getting sad, scared, mad or worried, perplexed sometimes? The full range of the human experience?
What if being real and honest means saying “I don’t want to walk on eggshells around you, and, I love you so much. What can I do to be supportive? Will you hear what I think? Can I be honest with you?”
“I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration. We don’t feel natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love,
Grace
P.S. To read more about Breitenbush in December or come join us in this nourishing and mentally cleansing adventure, please visit HERE. Please call them by Friday November 24.
It’s funny the way we’ll say all the time “I did it again”.
Ugh. I repeated the pattern of eating too much, eating off-balance, binge-eating, eating the foods that make me feel sick later on.
I overate at the company dinner. I stuffed myself all night at home alone and went to bed full. I ordered the same thing as my friends when we went out. I ignored my fullness when my aunt offered me seconds.
What if we studied that moment, instead of being AGAINST it?
What if instead of shame, horror, disappointment, and calling yourself names….you were kind?
Here’s how: You can ask yourself what’s going on, that would create such havoc in your eating?
“What’s bothering you, sweetheart?” you could said to yourself.
If it feels like you can’t possibly drum up such a compassionate, loving voice towards yourself, don’t worry. I never could much either when I had my compulsive tendencies with food and eating and self-criticism.
But the following exercise may offer something that heads at least in the same direction of curiosity about what’s off, when our eating is off.
Imagine you in that situation where you wind up eating every time.
(It’s OK if it’s the moment you wake up, because you think about food all day long).
Now ponder this question: What if you didn’t have food available as a thing you liked? What if food wasn’t interesting? What if food or eating wasn’t a possibility?
Don’t just say “that would be fantastic”.
This is about wondering what’s going on deep within that tends to move towards eating in a way that ultimately doesn’t really work, because you don’t know what else to do.
There’s something within that moves to food as a solution. What’s the problem? What needs to be solved?
Who would you be without eating as an action, choice, pattern, experience?
When I first really sat with this question, it frightened me. I thought if I didn’t have food and eating as a THING….I might go crazy with all the conflict I felt inside.
But who would I be without my Go To eating reaction?
A powerful question.
What’s this invitation, at a much deeper level, that eating off-balance is bringing you to see?
The very word can bring up stress, thoughts, panic, dread, anger.
When it seems like money isn’t with us in abundance, or we have to work very hard for it, it definitely brings on fear for many people.
But what about when we’ve got enough, but it’s not about that. It’s about someone not paying us back, or paying their bill, or giving us what we believe we’re owed.
The other day, I caught myself having a thought about someone I perceived as having a good job (he told me he works full time, although he didn’t sound thrilled about his position). He had asked for a discount on our session. I had said “yes”.
We did a whole mini-retreat which is three hours to go through an entire worksheet (I do these at a discounted fee of only $75 per hour and his fee was lower). His preference was to work on the phone, not skype, which is totally fine. He wasn’t super familiar with The Work and he felt upset about his junk-food eating. Which is one of my favorite topics as you know….eating battles and compulsions.
The work was interesting. Although I had the feeling he wasn’t too impacted by it.
And afterwards, he didn’t pay his bill. To me.
Rats.
Maybe he thinks the work we do together isn’t worth it. Maybe he thinks I shouldn’t charge so much. Maybe he doesn’t care about bills and money and paying them on time. Maybe what I charge is so low by comparison he thinks of it as nothing much and forgets about it.
Guessing, guessing, guessing.
And a deep inward stressful thought: he doesn’t care about me.
I’ve had this thought when a friend who borrowed money didn’t pay me back. I’ve had this thought when I find out someone makes a huge salary, but still asked me for a scholarship discount. I’ve had this thought when my grandma sent $10 and she could have sent $100. I’ve had this thought when a date wanted me to always pay half of the dinner and theater tickets. I’ve had this thought when my husband doesn’t offer to pay any of the bills for the back-yard building/remodel project we’re considering.
That person doesn’t care about me.
They think I’m OK whether I get paid, or not paid, or make the payment, or don’t. They think I have no concern about money. They assume I don’t mind. They think I’m ignore-able. They want to keep their money to themselves.
Such a fascinating stream of thoughts, once I sat down and began to inquire.
I think I know what they’re thinking about me. Holy smokes, talk about making assumptions.
I knew I needed to inquire. Because that’s what would bring the most awareness, one step and one thought at a time.
He doesn’t care about me.
Is it true, in this situation?
Yes.
He even texts that he’ll get to it right away. And I see nothing. And never saw anything again. He vanished. With an unpaid already-discounted bill.
Sigh.
How do you react when you believe the thought “he doesn’t care about me” and it has to do with money–either they aren’t paying, they aren’t generous, they’re demanding more, they’re refusing to give, they don’t want to share.
A old friend of mine had this thought about her husband during the divorcing process. It was a screaming stressful thought “he doesn’t care about me!” If he did, she felt, he wouldn’t withhold money. He’d divide things up equally.
The sense of being jilted or dismissed, or having no power whatsoever over what’s happening with money can be infuriating. Terrifying.
How do you treat money when you believe the person holding it in their hand doesn’t care about you?
I hate it. I hate that I need it. I want to eliminate it from this relationship. I think I should work with people without expecting payment for anything. I should ask for donations, not set amounts or fees. Then this client could pay me nothing, and that’d fit into the program. I wouldn’t feel so angry.
Sigh again.
Who would you be without the belief he doesn’t care about you?
Oh. Huh.
It’s weird. I see a bill. I communicate. I do the best I can. I realize I know nothing about what happened, or what is happening in his mind. I notice I appreciate silence–which is what he’s given me. I’m aware I don’t need his particular bill paid in order to survive, or be happy.
Almost all people I’ve ever worked with bring their payments with them to the sessions, or pay beforehand. Overall, people are attentive, caring, generous, and clear about their fees and paying them. It’s remarkable.
We apparently use money for a clear exchange of needs, services, trades, support–and it mostly works brilliantly well. People handle their money beautifully, and send it to me with apparent ease. They write and ask the fee for things, they get their questions answered, they send the number I mention, they ask for the link to pay. I am able to live without doing other labor….for the past 4 years.
Turning the thought around every way: 1) I don’t care about him. 2) I don’t care about myself, especially when it comes to him and his bill and this situation. 3) He DOES care about me.
How could these be true?
I consider them, one at a time.
I don’t care about him? True. The lack of the payment becomes the entire focus. I consider his work on junk-food eating but don’t know what he got from it. I didn’t ask. I think of him as an uncaring user. I picture an unhappy loser in my mind, even though I’ve never seen him before. I don’t care about why he isn’t paying. I just want the fee, then I’d forget about him.
I don’t care about myself. Wow, very true. I accepted an extremely low fee for a 3 hour session. I’m not valuing my time. I don’t do these kinds of almost-free sessions anymore. I couldn’t afford to do The Work with people if I accepted such low fees, I’d have to work another job. I didn’t respect my own boundary from the very beginning when I said “yes” to a huge discount.
I also didn’t care about myself because I kept thinking he must think the session was worthless, and that’s why he isn’t paying–even though I don’t know that is his thought. I’m assuming no payment means no worth, and feeling sad about that.
He does care about me. How could this turnaround be true?
He reached out in the first place and asked for a session. He stayed with me on the phone for 3 hours. He answered the questions, and asked a few as well. He explored, and then left.
People come and go. It doesn’t mean they don’t care. How would I know? He has his own life to live, which is far away and doesn’t intersect with mine except for those 3 hours….out of however many thousands of hours in my lifetime (and his) this isn’t much crossover.
Maybe I’ve been spared? Maybe so has he?
Who would I be without my story of caring, and money, and bills and payments?
Communicating clearly, and then being done with it. Saying “no” in the future if there’s another request. Not being wishy-washy with boundaries. Asking for what I want. Not having an internal fit if I don’t get it (questioning that it’s necessary).
Allowing the universe and reality to show me what to do next time. Everything very simple.
Questioning my beliefs about money, bills, invoices, payments, receiving, scholarships, gifts, service, needs, support, and caring…I become free. And very, very clear. It’s OK to not work for free. It’s OK to be direct and at east with exchanges of money.
It’s OK if someone over there isn’t reliable (in my opinion). It shows me how to do business cleanly, with integrity…not with magical hope-thinking that they’ll supply payment.
How could it be FANTASTIC someone doesn’t make a payment they apparently agreed to make? It shows me how to be so beautifully crystal clear, and to serve, and how my joy with this work is not diminished by payment or lack of payment. I get just as much thrill from the Help Line where I volunteer as with those who are making payments for sessions.
“This is very exciting. And if your mind isn’t in his business, you would be amazed at the space that opens up for you, the power that opens up to solve your own problems…It’s the truth that sets us free to act clearly and lovingly, and there’s such excitement in it.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is
Who am I without my story?
Woman enjoying questioning thoughts about money. Seeing the perfection in exactly the way it is. Reality rules.
Oh my, that happened quickly. We’re starting the 5 month Eating Peace Process program this very week. The first two live 90 minute inquiry calls are today Tuesday 11/14 at 4 pm PT and/or Thursday 11/16 at 8 am PT. Our last telecalls are April 24 and 26. When you sign up for Eating Peace Process, you’re sent off to watch the recorded learning presentations, and do the exercises involved. There’s room for only a few more.
In today’s video, I share an exercise similar to one inside the Eating Peace Process: studying how we’re feeling at a huge holiday gathering, surrounded by people and food, and feeling uncomfortable about the food.
As someone who once was tortured by eating issues of every kind, I love working with people who suffer around eating. It doesn’t matter if you’ve practically killed yourself with food, eating, or exercising (like I did, running many miles a day at early hours of the morning or stuffing myself to beyond-full with food) or if you’ve felt upset about wanting to lose ten pounds–your suffering is yours. It hurts. It’s upsetting and painful, and something you’d like to understand, or “get over”.
I tried so many things….programs, diets, plans, structures. Studying my own off-balance experience with eating was the only thing that really helped. I had to find my own awareness of what was true, or not true, for me.
It wasn’t true that I needed to control my every mouthful. It was true for me that I needed to look at my intense cravings, fears and anger about life and other people.
But let’s keep it simple today.
Have you had worries about the holiday season coming upon us? Is where you live filled with food, parties, drink, consumption, getting, hunting, acquiring, gathering?
If you’ve had this experience of discomfort around people gathering for holidays or parties, including food….then you can do the following exercise today:
Imagine you’re standing in front of a huge smorgasbord of food. The tables are laden with everything you’ve ever most loved to eat, from your childhood dishes, to the sweetest tastes you’ve ever enjoyed. Every kind of food is on that table you can imagine, from sweet, to savory, to spicy, to rich and buttery.
How do you judge the foods? What can it bring you or give you, if you eat it? What will you have, if you consume it? What will it help you forget, or lose focus of, if you take it in?
What else is going on, that you find difficult emotionally? What’s missing from this moment?
What do you find both most wonderful, and most horrendous, about this moment with the table before you filled with all that food, and whatever else is happening around this festivity?
Identifying these stressful beliefs can be profound, because to give words to the feelings running within that are so uncomfortable brings awareness.
I see things like “Wow….I’m believing there is no pleasure at this event except for food. The people are boring or they make me nervous. I don’t fit in. I have to pretend I’m interested. I’m not good enough.”
Once identified, the thoughts are very, very interesting to take through inquiry.
It’s so important to see what it is that makes you feel the craving, or anxiety, or worry, or sadness in the first place.
It’s not easy to see it…but when you do, there’s something you can do with the awareness: Question It.
Who would I be without my story that the only thing fun at this event, is the food?
In Year of Inquiry we’re in Month 3 and guess what the topic is?
COMPLAINTS.
In some ways, this is really all The Work is ever about….you know what I mean? What I complain about, what I’m at odds with, what I dislike, what I find stressful.
Complaining is perhaps a lighter, more common way of saying “I am arguing with reality on this one! I object!”
It’s a bit hard to look at complaints honestly sometimes. We’re told we’re not supposed to complain, we’re not supposed to be negative or drone on about something we don’t like, we’re not supposed to bring other people down, we should be positive.
But, I’ve noticed…even if it’s in my own mind…complaining appears to happen. And what a relief, and even rather fascinating, to listen to these complaints and hear them, for once, instead of trying to get away from them or rejecting them in a flash.
The other day with the YOI group, as I was considering any voices I heard within that appeared to worry, object, complain….I remembered a place I’ve experienced a MAJOR COMPLAINT:
Those other people shouldn’t complain! He shouldn’t complain about traffic. She shouldn’t complain about the weather. They shouldn’t complain about the leadership.
I discovered, when it came to my own complaints, I always had the same repetitive thought about some people in the world: They complain. They should stop!!
A great exercise to find your own objections to and complaints about the world, to life, to any situations you don’t find pleasant….is to take fifteen minutes, get a pen and paper or your writing device, and make a list of things you find complaint-worthy.
You don’t have to call them “complaints” if you don’t like that word, or it’s been drilled into you to never complain. You can call this a list of things that scare you, bother you, trouble you. Things you wish would change fairly frequently.
Then, once you have this list in front of you, you can ask another question (we all did this in Year of Inquiry): What if this behavior, style, manner, words, condition, situation, person….never, ever, ever stopped? What’s the worst that could happen? What would you hate about that?
So, for my complaint about other people who complain….I ask myself “what if they never stop complaining, ever?”
What would be bad about that?
I’d be stuck listening to them forever
I’d never ever want to be around them
I’d always have this one “problem” at work
I’d never relax when in their presence
I’d be angry every time that person came near me
there’d be nothing fun or good, ever, about hanging out with that person
You have your own list.
And how wonderful to have a list like this…because then you can begin to take your concepts through the self-inquiry process called The Work. You can make your concept what you’d say about the present moment, since you can’t really know what will happen in the future.
So for the person I thought of who complained constantly (in my opinion) I would see her in my mind’s eye, talking and talking about all the terrible things she’s encountered, and consider my thought:
I’m stuck listening to her forever.
Is this true?
Yes. I’ve been at this job 4 years and she’s never stopped complaining.
Can I absolutely know it’s true?
No. I’m not actually “stuck” listening to her. I can excuse myself and walk away. I’m treating myself like I’m a victim here, trapped. It’s a little weird. And not true.
How do I react when I believe I’m stuck listening to her?
I stay and nod politely. I smile. I think about when I can get out of here and go to my own cubicle to start working. I look at her and pretend I’m listening. I wish she’d be quiet. I’m not honest. I don’t know what to do. I recognize I have thoughts about what people are supposed to do to remain polite. I feel irritation towards this person.
Who would I be without this thought that I’m stuck listening to her?
Pause.
How interesting this word “stuck”….like I’m actually unable to depart, move, make a suggestion, connect. Everything with the thought is about escaping. But without the thought?
Hmmm. I’d see someone over there who really wants to connect. She’s singing a song, and it has a minor tune. She’s worried, lonely, anxious. She doesn’t seem very happy. Without my thought that I’m stuck listening, I notice I’m free to come and go as feels right. I care about her. I feel compassion for her. I actually even like her. She has a very sweet face, and absolutely beautiful eyes.
Without my belief, I feel a deep breath. I feel a gentle touch, reaching out to put my hand on her arm. I don’t have to wait for her to take a breath between sentences, I just move away. I feel kind, and open, and silent.
Without the thought, when I arrive at work, I simply begin my tasks and allow the quiet of the office to settle around us all. I don’t feel the weird push-pull angst about stuck-ness, or the worry about being polite, or the concern about making sure she feels heard. I’m back in my own business, doing my own work, listening, or speaking up and saying “I’m going to work now”. I feel a deep sense of joy within.
Where did that idea come from about being “stuck” listening?
From me. Not her.
I have options to move in the direction that feels right, without my belief that I’m stuck listening, if she’s complaining or voicing concerns. I notice this isn’t a repeat of my childhood with my grandma (which I could also question THAT situation).
This is a different human being, with her own life and experience, and I am free. We both are.
Turning the thought around: I am NOT stuck listening to her forever.
Ha ha. Not by any stretch of the imagination. This was a job I held for five years, and I saw her Monday through Friday, and only for short chunks of time on those days. She was right next to me in a cubicle, but there were many minutes and hours when her chair was unoccupied, and so was mine, or when we were both working and not speaking. Far more minutes of quiet than of talking, honestly.
I was never, ever stuck.
My thinking was stuck. That’s another key turnaround. My thinking was like a broken record, repeating itself every time she approached “oh no here comes the complainer”. My thinking was constantly and forever complaining about HER.
The last turnaround: She is stuck speaking to me forever.
Could she have been stuck NEVER getting a satisfying response, or an honest reaction, from me?
Um, yes. I didn’t connect with her truly. I didn’t speak up and ask her more questions, or say what didn’t sit well for me, or wonder about her opinions, or treat her like a whole, viable, important human being in my life who obviously had an important message for me personally. I didn’t say what didn’t work. I play acted. She was stuck speaking to the non-me forever.
I love that complaining person was in my life. She showed me how to share, connect, listen and speak up….as well as how to stop listening when it was time and move to the tasks I was supposed to be doing. I appreciate her immensely.
(This is really, really true).
“The basic realization that other people can’t possibly be your problem, that it’s your thoughts about them that are the problem–this realization is huge. This one insight will shake your whole world, from top to bottom. And then, when you question your specific thoughts about mother, father, sister, brother, husband, wife, boss, colleague, child, you watch your identity unravel. Losing the ‘you’ that you thought you were isn’t a scary thing. It’s thrilling. It’s fascinating. Who are you really, behind all the facades?” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy
If you want to look at an important relationship, like a co-worker who just can’t stop complaining….or mother, father, sister, brother, husband, wife, boss, colleague, child….we’ll be doing it at Breitenbush Hotsprings Conference Center in Oregon Dec. 7-10. Fabulous people are flying in to Portland. Come join us for this winter mental cleanse. Read more about it HERE.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. If you find yourself complaining about food, eating, your weight, your body shape or size, compulsive behavior….then Eating Peace Process is beginning on Tuesday and it will close for participation this year at noon on Nov. 14th. We go for five months and it’s a wonderful time to spend in The Work with a small group of people wanting to explore eating at the root level, and find clarity about ourselves and our behaviors with eating. To read more visit HERE.
Five months, fourteen lessons, two live calls per month (short break at end of January). Let’s honestly investigate our eating battles.
I’ve been so incredibly, profoundly moved by the people attending the Eating Peace complimentary Webinars this past week. There’s one more webinar. Today at 8 am Pacific Time. Join me HERE for the webinar. No opt-in necessary.
It’s almost the same information and slides for the webinar, and yet….a totally different offering every time. Can’t wait to see what will happen today.
I’ll share the seven primary beliefs or “stories” I find running in people (and myself) that caused disruptive eating, and no possibility of eating peace. You can question these seven stressful beliefs along with me through the webinar.
What a learning experience for me to offer this multiple times recently.
People have had many questions! How do I do this work? Should I sign up for this Eating Peace Immersion? What’s right for me? How do I inquire and use The Work in my life for eating issues beyond this webinar?
So many good questions.
I’m getting ready to launch into a 5 month program and honestly, haven’t been clear on the depth and length of the Eating Peace Process. So I want to share about what it is, how to sign up, what to expect, how to get involved.
I also want to share with you what you can do if you do NOT sign up for the Eating Peace Process. Because of course, not everyone can, and healing is possible for anyone and everyone–you don’t actually ultimately need a program.
Freedom is….free.
So read on to find out what you can do if you really want to move past these eating wars at a root level.
For those of you interested in Eating Peace Process Immersion:
I’ve said that Eating Peace Process runs from November through January…and yet, what we’ll be doing is sharing live inquiry calls and direct coaching in this work through the end of April 2018.
What IS offered from November through January are the recorded lessons and educational presentations on this whole system of eating peace. They’ll all still be available for watching through April, so they don’t go away, it’s just that no NEW presentations appear. The amount of presentations included in the Eating Peace Process over the first 10 weeks of Eating Peace Process are plenty.
I’ve gathered information through interviewing people, watching my own process of healing happen, and applying The Work of Byron Katie to these very stressful eating experiences. Gathering this information has taken several years. Or maybe thirty, LOL.
I’ve organized, condensed, and included what I thought was necessary for understanding when it comes to eating, and our perceptions of having a body that appears to gain and lose weight, or a mind that does the same–thoughts, feelings, wars, despair, frustration.
I wanted to include everything stressful that ever crossed anyone’s mind when it comes to eating or weight or compulsive seeking. I wound up with four distinct modules, and a handful of lessons for the program within each one.
The Eating Peace Process has four modules: Mind, Feelings, Body and Living It. Inside each module are 4 or 5 lessons. These lessons are from 45 – 80 minutes each, all offered via webinar, so you watch and listen, and do the exercises, all on your own time. It’s a lot of information and communication, yes. And, I found my mind was so filled with chatter, noise, screaming, self-criticism….it could have filled volumes to address the chaos. This guided information has been powerful. You can pause the lesson anywhere, rewind, or complete the exercise suggested. You get to do them on your own time.
There are literally 14 weeks of lessons: 14 topics of importance that seem like important puzzles of the eating peace process, at least for me every one counted. Each topic addresses significant factors I found I needed to look at and investigate with my mind when it came to eating or compulsive behavior, to find freedom and peace.
I had soooooo many uncomfortable and stressful beliefs that needed to be questioned. (We all do, right?)
These are the common factors, the global viewpoints that feel painful but keep eating battles in place, like “I need to look good” or “eating brings me comfort” or “I’ll never figure this out” or “I can’t handle this situation/feeling” or “this is urgent” or “my body looking the way it does means_____”.
We have past situations that were painful when it came to eating and food. Sometimes all the way back in childhood, sometimes from last week. We have entire family systems that include beliefs passed on from previous generations, all of them leading to emotional eating disruption.
All I know is….eating almost killed me. Or so it seemed. My world was filled with thoughts about eating, food, my body and all that was wrong with the entire experience. It was despairing, and awful.
Not everyone has such a dramatic story as I did. Some people are constantly plagued by the desire to lose 20 pounds, others are binge-eating and purging, others are starving themselves for days followed by uncontrollable eating. I was hospitalized, in therapy for years, and desperate when it came to food. I couldn’t find a thing peaceful about any of it.
And then, something shifted. And then shifted again.
The most important thing about seeking eating peace is that it is possible to find it.
People think it isn’t.
The discouragement is so intense, so deep, so on-going, people think they will never find a sense of peace when it comes to food and need to stay on a diet forever.
You may be one of these people.
I thought I was one of those people.
But I KNOW peace is possible for you, for me, for anyone who suffers from out-of-control behavior with eating, food, bingeing, thinking.
It’s not exactly easy and not necessarily a quick fix–which is why we will be meeting for five months for those of you enrolling in the Eating Peace Process. It is possible to stop the insanity through questioning your mind. And yet, how interesting there are no guarantees. No promises.
Which brings me to what’s possible for those of you who can’t or won’t sign up for the program starting this next week–here’s your solution: Question Your Thinking.
Identify your thoughts, especially in the moments you start to eat. Write them down. Stop them on paper.
Answer these questions honestly, without editing yourself. Keep a journal: Why are you eating? What’s going on? What are you afraid of? What are you worried about in your life? What do you think the act of eating will provide? What will it give you? What would you have, if you had the thinner body you dream of? What are you seeking? What else do you want, besides food? What’s missing in this moment? What isn’t satisfying for you right now?
If you sat with any of these questions, and perhaps got a supportive friend to sit with you to explore your answers, then you might be shocked at what you can discover, what you become aware of, what you realize.
This is self-realization through the path of eating. (Ha ha, I know this sounds a bit mad–some people find God or Peace through the oddest means….like food).
Eating wars were really my path to self-realization.
Someone wrote to me recently who I don’t know and he asked “have you ever suffered?”
The place that came to mind, as I contemplated his interesting question, was with eating. So many incidents of eating that led to torture, sickness, self-hatred, even suicidal thinking and not wanting to be alive.
What I realize though, is my mind was filled with tortured, sick, hateful, dead thoughts. My mind was suffering, not the whole of me.
The good news?
I could question those thoughts, and turn them around. You can too.
Who would you be without your stressful stories?
If you want to join with others to investigate in-depth the compulsion to overeat, undereat, focus on the body, think about food….then join me for this winter-to-spring journey to understanding eating peace.
We begin with the first live call on November 14th, and the last live call is April 26th. You can choose Tuesdays, or Thursdays, for the live calls–and they are all recorded–so you don’t absolutely HAVE to attend live. You can attend both if you really want to. No one turned away on any call.
This program includes 14 lessons in exploring and studying eating woes and agony, and the important topics I’ve found that help heal them. You’ll be doing your work, and sharing in your process with others and with me.
To find out more and to sign up for Eating Peace Process this year, click HERE. If you have more questions and want to see what it’s like to share a presentation from me (which is similar to what’s inside the Eating Peace Process program) then come to the complimentary webinar today or listen to it later via recording (the same link will work as the recording about 30 minutes after the live session is completed today).
If you have any specific questions you’d like answered, feel free to hit reply to this email and ask me.
Thank you for joining me in such a powerful, important, deep journey to find home, peace and rest when it comes to eating, food and our bodies.
“There are sincere men and women who want to be free of suffering. I was one of those without realizing it. I tested what would happen if I didn’t respond to the thoughts of ‘I want’, ‘I need’, I shouldn’t’, ‘I should’…None of these thoughts could stand up to inquiry. You could discover this even if you tested it for just twenty-four hours with one meal…the I-know mind would say ‘this isn’t enough nourishment; I’m still hungry; I’m too weak; I’ll get sick; I’ll die.’ But when you allow each thought to be met with ‘is it true?’ life will show itself to you.” ~ Byron Katie
I often believed my thoughts that said I would die without more food, I have to eat, I shouldn’t eat this, I should eat that, I need to weigh x, I need to be thinner, I want to keep eating, I’m unable to stop, I can’t be happy unless….and on and on and on.
Who would we be without these stories?
Free. At peace. Slowly but surely….enlightening ourselves to what’s true, what’s possible. Returning to innocence when it comes to eating.
No longer hungry for what isn’t, but instead comfortable and willing to be (and maybe even loving) what is.
I’d love you to join me in Eating Peace if it’s right for you. I’ll close enrollment to the program by noon on November 14th, so we can begin our live calls and move from there.
Can’t wait to be with all of you who are drawn to this process during the winter, holiday season when people often eat even MORE than usual. Let’s see if we can eat study peace in the midst of feasting traditions…shall we?
Yes, we’ll meet the morning of Thanksgiving in the USA for our usual 8 am call. What a great day to begin with inquiry and wondering if what we’re thinking is actually true!
I just heard of another person getting tickets (cheap this time of year) to fly to Portland, Oregon in December for the 3 day Breitenbush retreat in The Work of Byron Katie on relationships.
We’re forming carpools for those of you landing on December 7th in Portland who want to share the trek to the incredible, unique, deep woods resort and conference center called Breitenbush.
Ready to question your thoughts on relationships? Of any kind? Those humans who have bugged you?
This is your retreat. It doesn’t matter WHO the relationship is: spouse, father, mother, sister, brother, co-worker, boss, friend, step-son.
It’s time to get the job done. Question your thinking, change your world when it comes to relating. All in a beautiful, safe, supportive container called Breitenbush.
Last year, I had a chuckle with one of the participants who traveled from Nevada to join our retreat.
She said “Breitenbush is nothing like I thought it was going to be–it’s so far beyond my expectations!”
“What did you think it was going to be like?” I asked.
“Two hot tubs in the dusty woods down a dirt road, with hippies wandering around.”
LOL.
Breitenbush is nothing like that, although there is a clothing-optional status only at the mineral springs pools where people can hang their bathrobes on hooks and slip into the hot tubs with four varying temperatures to soak. (And no, there is no nudity anywhere else on the conference center grounds).
I once had a woman write to me about this particular retreat: “We’re not tree-huggers, is this going to work?”
The thing is, we gather in this 3-day workshop to look at our stressful thinking. That’s what this workshop is about. Questioning what disturbs you, and YOU finding your own answers.
The Work works for anyone who is ready, willing and eager to question their stressful thoughts about other people they’ve encountered in their lives who left them feeling some pain (or a lot of pain). It’s for people who are tired of the agony of repetitive thinking about relationships with others, or conditions they dislike in their lives.
Breitenbush HotSprings Conference Center is a place to relax, feel the experience of deep old growth forest, sleep in profound silence of no city or freeway noise, notice the darkness of nights without tons of lights, electrical chatter, cell phones, internet, and take time to identify the thoughts that disturb your peace in your life….and question them.
You don’t have to go into the mineral pools naked to question your stressful thoughts.
In fact, secret confession….I never do.
Seriously. I never go in the pools in between our sessions together. I’m there to support inquiry. That’s my job.
Our group meets in a beautiful space called the River Yurt. Oh my, doesn’t that sound woodsy?
To be honest, the only place I’ve ever heard the word “yurt” is in Oregon. Like when I was 15 and my family went camping in Oregon. They had “yurts” you could rent.
What’s a YURT??
As far as I can tell, they are always round. As in, no square or straight walls. A structure built in a circle.
The River Yurt at Breitenbush is a large beautiful round building, with chairs, cushions, pillows, a lovely soft carpet, windows, heat, a big screen for our movie night, and it’s own bathroom. The River Yurt at Breitenbush is built down a wide path to an open flat area near the beautiful Breitenbush River. It’s gorgeous, and you’ll love it.
We’re warm, dry and cozy on retreat while we identify our thoughts, and question them using The Work.
The thing I love about Breitenbush is the quiet, the pristine pure air, the ancient forest of trees, the beautiful little Laura Ingalls Wilder cabins totally and completely warmed by the natural springs to piping hot. If you’re flying, you’ll ask for bedding to be put in your cabin (I always get this option) and you’ll have delivered before you even arrive a large bag with blankets, beautiful clean sheets, and soft towels.
The body is well-tended at Breitenbush. I haven’t even shared anything about the incredible meals.
All the food is home-cooked right there in the big kitchen. It’s simple, with several choices: vegetarian, organic, gluten and dairy free options, yummy hot breakfasts, incredibly delicious cooked lunches, and wholesome dinners with gorgeous recipes and ample food for all.
At Breitenbush they have no caffeine offered (but people often bring their coffee, cream and french presses) and no alcohol, smoking or drug use. A great variety of teas, healthy tonic drinks, hot dishes, soups, salads and cleansing foods are offered for all three meals a day. All included in your stay.
I am not a vegetarian, but I love the food. What an incredible time of year to be away from daily trays of cookies at work, stress eating, cooking large family holiday meals, and having everything taken care of for you. Wow.
Everything supports lightness, ease, simplicity and not being drawn to the usual ways of distraction.
It’s an amazing place for self-inquiry….to study the story of YOU and your own mind, your own answers, your own troubling situations, your own prescription for happiness through doing this process called The Work.
I’ve never had anything offer such freedom as doing The Work.
Many other modalities I have done, experienced, attended and listened to. Many of them brilliant.
But there’s nothing like The Work because it doesn’t require a “teacher”. All that’s required is you answering the questions for your own insights and clarity. You discover what you need by studying the situations you find most disturbing.
Strange, but your discomfort actually winds up providing the answers you were looking for.
How amazing is that?
Because this is not the usual summer June at Breitenbush when things tend to sell out because of the stunning northwest summers, we’ve still got space.
But oh my.
Everything’s less expensive in the physical world. Plane fare, lodging, meals. All of it offered at the reduced weather-affected wintry price where we’ll be close to the darkest day of the year in far northwestern United States. A winter retreat.
What a time to go “inside” and do The Work.
What an incredible time to address your painful thinking, before holidays and “together” time ramps up to a peak for the new year.
Maybe, after Thanksgiving (if you’re from the USA) there’ll be nothing better than attending retreat where you get the chance to do your work.
I often get a LOT of calls for The Work the day after Thanksgiving.
Expectations get challenged, people haven’t changed, emotions flare.
With The Work, we get to see what causes those upsets in the first place–the unquestioned resentments we can’t seem to get rid of from the past. Or the imagined fears about the future. When we investigate and give these relationships and situations time and attention, they have the chance to finally dissolve and resolve.
One fabulous bonus at Breitenbush? My own partner, friend and husband who is brilliant at doing The Work (a natural). He’ll be joining us to share in the support and thrill of self-inquiry, and finding freedom from suffering.
We’ll share with everyone present some of our own process of doing The Work together, on each other, and the outcomes and insights we’ve had.
You don’t need a partner to come to do 3 days of The Work at Breitenbush. All you need is awareness of some stressful thinking about other people (partner or not) and feeling disgruntled about what to do about it.
You might feel like you’ve had 60 years of sad thinking with your mother or father, you may hold hurt about your sibling who cut you off 15 years ago, you may feel angry at your former partner who left you for someone else, you may feel furious at the boss who fired you, you may feel disappointed at relationship not working out the way you hoped.
Our suggestion about what to do about your problems with other people?
The Work.
“I saw that for the belief ‘My family should love and understand me’ the turnaround is ‘I should love and understand myself.’ Why had I ever thought that it was their job? That was crazy! Let it begin with me. Until I can do it, let me give the world a break.” ~ Byron Katie
All I know is, The Work is life-changing.
With every thought I question, with every relationship I investigate, I find freedom. Everyone a teacher. Every relationship I’ve encountered a drop (or a tsunami) of freedom.
