I remember my March 2005 School for The Work.
It was a truly remarkable experience for me. Like, one of the most transformational times of my entire life.
Something in my mind cracked apart as I began to understand what it really meant to have stories….stressful stories….about being a human being. I had spent so much of my life scared and nervous.
And it wasn’t necessary.
Before going to the School and hanging out with Byron Katie, I had never really understood, even though I had read Loving What Is, what it actually meant to genuinely answer the question “Is it true?”
It occurred to me, each day that passed during those nine days in March 2005, that I could ask this question “is it true?” not only about the troubling relationships or encounters I had in my life, but also about money, my body, my family, my home, my childhood, my identity, the future….
….basically every single story I ever had.
Woah.
Then, I left.
I felt almost giddy on the airplane home. So much less fear. Like a weight had been lifted off of me about where, how, when, or what life was supposed to be like.
I realized, I didn’t know anything for sure–in a really good way! Not a scary way!
A few weeks went by.
And a few months.
Yes, I took long walks listening to the music I first heard in the School of Deva Premal (gorgeous). Yes, I connected with new friends I had just met at that school, and we talked on the phone. Yes, my life had unexpected changes that propelled me to continue my self-examination. Yes, I traded facilitation of The Work with people as often as possible at first, then a little less, then a crisis and it would be more, then a little less, then a little less, then….
It was early fall. Almost six months since that nine day school.
I saw a post come across my email announcing someone who was teaching a teleclass where everyone would be doing The Work.
I had the thought:
“Why on earth would I ever pay to take a course in The Work? It’s only four questions. I know what to do! I’ve been to the School for The Work for crying out loud.”
But even though I was then going through separation in my marriage, and my life was entirely up in the air, I just didn’t seem to get around to doing The Work all the time, like I had before.
What is that?
We know we enjoy something, we know we feel better, we know it provides awareness, or relief, or health, or greater joy.
But there’s such an urge to find, at least in me (and I’ve heard from others) an Easier Softer Way.
Sure, I’ll do The Work if I’m about to go insane, or I’m really freaking out, but if things are groovin’ along OK, then why bother?
It’s like there’s a big energy (call it ego if you like) that doesn’t want to work, doesn’t want to discover a damn thing, wants everything to be easy, wants to remain a victim or someone who is being tortured (oh the drama), and really feels threatened by the actual loss of Story Power.
I say Story Power because oooooh, doesn’t a great story have amazing power to make you laugh, cry, snort, sob, howl, release, feel excited?
I love stories! Stories are so awesome!
However…NOT when I forget they’re stories, and NOT when they appear to be frightening stories. (I don’t go to horror movies, I just invent them in my mind).
As I watched this phenomena within myself take place of moving in and out of stories, taking something very seriously, taking something personally, feeling conflict….
….I noticed some interesting patterns.
There were three typical ways I’d stop doing The Work, and start thinking obsessively instead.
They came out of believing the following concepts to be very, very true. So true, I couldn’t answer the four questions anymore. I was busy!
1) I need more information
Oh boy. Have you ever had this idea?
I need to study, gather, ask tons of questions, read, analyze, get more data, figure out who did it, how it happened, and if I did something wrong. I have to figure this out, map it out, explain it. I have to find out what’s worked for other people, or not worked, I have to see if anything terrible has ever happened to anyone who answered the questions. Must. Get. More.
(This can keep you very busy, very distracted, very active for a lifetime. Just saying. Not that I would know about it).
2) I can do it by myself
Relying on other people is such a pain! Anything worth doing has to be done because I want to, not anyone else. Yeah, that’s right! Don’t I have to do most things by myself, anyway? Shouldn’t I be able to figure life out on my own? I mean, really. Come on. Depending on others for help is a major hassle. I prefer independence.
(I don’t know about you, but this kept me from going to therapy for several years even though I was a wreck, kept me from joining scary support groups, and kept me from being authentically honest with other humans, and kept me from asking for help.
And, oh yeah, from doing The Work thoroughly and deeply. When on my own, I did The Work in five minutes. While driving.)
3) I’d rather forget than face my fears
This one isn’t always up front in consciousness, because the very nature of this thought is to stay murky, and avoid and make sure no matter what, the scary vision is not faced.
I would act like I wanted to look and examine things directly, but gosh, I have errands to run, movies to watch, work to do, money to count or earn, dishes to wash. It’s so uncomfortable to look at these inner painful thoughts and situations from the past. Can’t we just forget about it all? I don’t want to get too stirred up!
These efforts to Not See would show up in various forms and activities repeatedly.
I even started recognizing different small patterns. Call them fog, or smog, as I’ve heard Byron Katie refer to confusion or lack of clarity.
Today, I’d love to hear from you. But only if you’ve ever noticed something sticky, or a barrier, or fog entering your vision.
Why?
Because I’m putting together a masterclass on a whole myriad of ways I’ve found the trickster mind, or ego, or self-centered identity, try to move away from The Work (or any kind of peace and rest, in any situation).
I find this impulse incredibly fascinating, and I’ve discovered that shining a light on it has brought a deep awareness.
Have you felt like The Work doesn’t work for you sometimes? Have you noticed how the funny mind has a whole commentary about questioning thought? Have you laughed at how goofy it is that you bump up against the very same issues over and over again?
If you would be so kind to say a few words in this survey, I’ll know to address whatever you share in the classes in early August.
It would be so wonderful if you would take only 4 minutes to answer one question about your experience with The Work (it’s anonymous): Click Here
The things you don’t work, I call them the Underworld. Because without those worked, [ego] overrides awareness. Like smog. Dirty water you can’t see through. Unfinished business…..The ego loves Yeah, but….” ~ Byron Katie during Being With Byron Katie 2016
Today, eleven years after that first School for The Work, I’m still learning almost daily. I find this stunning. I love The Work more than I once did, I think. How very odd. You would think I’d have gotten bored by now, considering my busy brain.
But it’s a phenomenal adventure, letting go of the personal identity and need to argue with reality, or with life….and opening up to more love than I ever thought possible.
Can’t wait to hear more about your apparent “problems” and play with the “solutions” to really “getting” this work. My favorite.
Much love, Grace
P.S. Even though I accidentally sent a link to the upcoming August masterclasses a wee bit early the other day, I wasn’t quite ready with it yet. Ugly registration page! I’ll be sure to keep you posted so you can sign up at the end of next week. And if You DID sign up, we got you covered (you’re in).