Month: August 2014

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Money Can’t Give You What You Really Want

Cherry flowers and dollarLately quite a few clients who work with me have been inquiring into issues related to money. Not just the people in the current money teleclass, but individual clients who normally don’t have troubling beliefs about money come up.

As in….that money should be here with me….right now.

Not over there in someone else’s pocket, or in another bank account, or in cash registers in random stores in the neighborhood, or in those peoples’ wallets.

It should be in MY bank account. MY pocket. MY wallet. MY emergency fund.

That money should travel from over there, to over here. I have a contract, I lent him the money, I gave her my services, this was the agreement! They should have paid me back by now!

DANG!

Even if you don’t have a contract or expectation of being paid, you might harbor a secret feeling or desire for money to move in your direction more often, more easily, more smoothly than it apparently does.

Or not go OUT in such quantities.

Yeah, now that I think about it, why does that thing I want cost so much?

I don’t like money moving from me to over there! I hate “wasting” money. I couldn’t take the plane because of my sore throat, I couldn’t attend the class because of my broken toe, I don’t like the price of this furniture, I won’t spend that much on a hair cut, I need a good deal!

Even if you have lots of money, and zero worries about survival you may notice these kinds of thoughts.

Money in general should be coming toward me and sticking with me, not going away from me. This is always better.

Let’s inquire. You may find something interesting here (I sure have).

Is it true, that having money is better than not having it?

Are you seriously asking this question? Of course it is. Duh!

Stick with me here, in this inquiry. It’s a huge gigantic belief, but it has some serious cracks, and you may find….you don’t really believe it after all.

So is it really absolutely beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt true that having money is better than not having it?

Huh. Well. No. I see people with lots and lots of money not so happy on the inside. I see people with hardly any money having a wonderful time. I see very wealthy people full of love. I see very wealthy people anxious and obsessive about bills and payments. I know people with very small amounts of money completely trusting and satisfied.

I really don’t know if this statement that having more money trumps not having money is even true.

Weird.

How do you react when you believe having money, having more money, having it in motion TO you, vs FROM you….is better?

I complain internally about every bill, anything that’s priced more than “x” dollars. I imagine getting deals, getting things for cheaper. I wonder with irritation about why a refrigerator costs so much. I feel an edgy concern about money lasting so many years and wishing I could help other people instead of be so focused on taking care of myself.

I feel grabby.

I think everyone else agrees that having more is better, and compares amounts, so I don’t mention money much, or discuss it with others.

I criticize that guy I was dating for having piles of it, and I criticize that other guy I was dating for being content with so little.

Oh man. No one is off the radar, I’ve got ideas about everyone and how they got money, where they get money, what they buy with their money, what they sell for money.

It goes on and on. It’s exhausting analyzing everyone.

So who would you be without the thought that having money is better than not having it?

That is a very, very strange and unusual thought.

But maybe not so unusual….not really.

How often during every day do you forget how much money you have?

What do you notice is really, truly important to you? Have you noticed how much you care about connection with people, love, kindness, helping others, supporting people, taking care of your family, having fun, playing, celebrating, resting?

Just, being?

See who you’d be without this thought as you entered a grand fancy hotel lobby, or the private home of a fancy person, or you watched a movie where people were very wealthy and had lots of money.

I feel what it’s like to be there, in a gorgeous sparkling environment. The wonder of looking around and being in awe of what humans create, what they invent. Without any thought whatsoever that having this is better than not having it….I feel pure joy.

Calm, discovery, wonder.

I remember driving through a town of deep poverty in a car in Africa. At least, they said the people were poor. My parents have somehow obtained this car, the people there didn’t have vehicles. They lived in tiny shacks.

Remembering that moment, without the belief that it’s better to have money than not, I see much more. I look out the window without fear. I notice smiling faces, shouting, leaning faces towards the car, curiosity.

Without this thought, I visit another couple of memories.

Me with nothing left in my bank account, unable to buy new presents for my children for Christmas. Me with a hurt ankle and no health insurance. Me with a very limited amount of money available to spend on my own wedding.

Without the belief it would be better to have more money in those moments than I did?

So freeing, so exhilarating!

No shame. Just watching the great coming and going of money as it moves here and there and how fun it all is.

I actually notice, without the belief that having money is better than not having it….and this seems odd but VERY fascinating….

….that I am simply excited, happy, playful with my beliefs about money.

Like I’ve been invited to a game of badminton, and as I’ve gotten the hang of playing badminton, I decide to play tennis. And as I’ve had fun learning tennis, I wander into a game of soccer (far more people playing together). And as I’ve continued soccer I’ve entered games with great energy, many people, sharing, exchanging, throwing balls back and forth, playing tag, dancing, having a blast.

“Nothing is ever going to give you what you want. It’s not going to give you what you want!…If you want money for happiness, like if you wanted to have an experience for example like a trip to India, you want something. You only want that trip to India because you think it will give you something! So you believe if you got everything you want, you think you would be beyond pain, beyond suffering. Isn’t it about finally being safe? And are you safe now? Skip the trip!” ~ Byron Katie

Today, I let myself have the joy of asking if it was true that having more money is better than not….and notice pure gratitude for the money I have, and pure gratitude for the times without money (the joy and silence was so solid, no matter how much money was present)!!

I have just about nothing to do with money and when it comes and goes, just like people. How gentle, relaxed and peaceful to feel this. In this moment, without thoughts about how much money is good or bad, or better or worse, or wasted or used well, I feel such clarity, it’s hard to describe.

Everything around me in motion.

“Stop thinking, and end your problems. What difference between yes and no? What difference between success and failure? Must you value what others value, avoid what others avoid? How ridiculous! Other people have a purpose; I alone don’t know. I drift like a wave on the ocean, I blow as aimless as the wind.” ~ Tao Te Ching #20

Today in inquiry and contemplating my relationship with money, I realize I have done The Work on money so many times, I couldn’t count. But every single time, there is insight. Every time, it’s more expansive.

Money has helped bring me infinity, especially lack of money. OMG, how awesome is that?!

Much love, Grace

 

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Are You Afraid They Done You Wrong?

NightStormThinking

Have you ever awakened after sleeping, whether it’s morning or the middle of the night, with a feeling of dread or negative anticipation?

Probably.

Everyone has had a nightmare, or felt impending doom, or been nervous about an idea that crossed their mind….and everyone’s been surprised by someone else’s behavior.

But if you feel the looming dread, it’s pretty uncomfortable. Or downright debilitating. You might have images of that mean person who hurt you floating through your psyche. Maybe even from a very long time ago….so long, you hardly remember.

Even though the present moment is fine, you’re in a room sitting or lying there and nothing threatening is actually happening (usually the case when you wake up from a bad dream) you’ve got a feeling you can’t shake.

Fear.

The thing is, that fear or sense of being haunted feels like something visiting you. It affects you. Even if all that’s going on is you’re lying in your bed…..with thoughts.

So….what to do?

What I’m about to say won’t be that surprising.

Even though I know how to do The Work and question my thoughts….I don’t always sit down, take out my pen and paper, and start to investigate.

Instead, there’s a kind of built-in impulse.

It’s called Fight or Flight.

We perceive there is a dilemma, a threat. Something hurt us, or is about to hurt us. It hurt once, it could hurt again.

So we say “I’m gonna KILL that evil person who stabbed me in the back!!!” or we say “I will never, EVER put myself in that position again!!”

Attack or Run.

And there’s nothing wrong with you if that’s where your mind goes. It’s a very natural, innocent reaction to the fear.

So how can you get out of that reactive mode when you’re really overwhelmed, and you might not exactly WANT to do The Work in that frightened moment? Here’s a suggestion that’s worked really, really well for me, that might be helpful for you, too.

Grow the fear even bigger. 

Yes, you read that right.

Clearly define your nightmare, your most terrible fear, the WORST that could happen. What is most terrifying thing you’re nervous about, in that vision, in that feeling of dread?

This can be tricky….so here’s an example from my life. A situation where fear appeared in my mind and body in the night, after I got triggered during the day.

Several years ago, I open a letter I get from the state government where I live. I am a credentialed Certified Counselor and I get mail from the Department of Health from time to time. No big deal. I’m curious. Maybe it’s about my annual fee that’s almost due.

I start to read the letter.

My heart suddenly skips a beat and my stomach flips.

The letter says that someone has made an anonymous complaint about me indicating I haven’t REALLY graduated and don’t have a master’s degree. There are a few more bullet points, a couple of them sound really bonkers and weird, like a slightly crazy person wrote them.

Huh? What the ?

I know the statements in the letter aren’t true, not a single one. So that’s not the worrisome part.

My mind goes to who on earth would do such a thing? I can’t get off combing my mind for WHO.

Why? Who? Why? Who? What have I missed? Who did this? Why would someone want to do this? Or even think this?

That first night, I can’t sleep in the middle of the night after waking. I’m thinking about this situation.

I know I have to turn and face this fear, and understand it, instead of ruminating and perseverating over who or why this has happened….because none of that is going to help me. I learned that the hard way.

I start to write.

What is the WORST that could happen?

I see made-up visions.

Police cars screech in to my driveway, men with uniforms handcuff me and push my head down as I get crammed into a police car. I am rushed to jail somewhere and there’s a newspaper story about how terrible I am….even though they got the wrong person.

I can no longer work, I am shunned, I can’t earn money, people walk away from me like I smell. I’m all alone, destitute and abandoned. No place to live, I can’t support my kids. I have to get a job doing something I don’t even like, working 9-5.

What else?

There’s a person with some kind of demented personality disorder, or a paranoid sort, someone really freaky who is also obsessed with me or angry with me for some unknown reason, who is going to jump out of the bushes, or take me down in some sneaky very creepy way…..starting with this lie.

I picture the worst with painstaking detail, I let my mind have it’s total conniption fit.

My reputation destroyed, I owe money, my current career over, and a really messed up sick person out there trying to hurt me.

Now I can feel the pain in my heart in a huge way. I see what I imagine is the most awful thing.

I am all alone, hated, rejected.

I can investigate this terrible state of aloneness, hate, banishment, rejection….and really examine the truth of it.

Being alone and betrayed is hell. And it’s someone’s fault. Not mine.

Is it true?

Yes. I can’t survive it. I’m too sad, too hurt. I am a victim of someone’s sick behavior. It’s wrong. It’s hell.

Really?

Can you absolutely know that you can’t survive? Are you sure you’re in hell? Are you positive you’re alone, and betrayed, condemned, unsafe, lost, banished?

Are you completely positive you are a victim? That this is someone else’s fault?

Wow. No.

I’m not sure of anything here. All that happened is I opened a letter. I don’t have to know why, or who. I can stand here, noticing my reality is that I am in the world where tough things happen, people get upset and do harmful things, I am still alive and breathing.

Funny how quick to jump to the I’ve-Been-Done-Wrong story.

“Why do we need to constantly define our experience? Can we not just experience each moment, as it is. Without a story?….The mind is evolved to impose, manufacture, to dream order into existence. It’s an order-creating machine, and explanation machine. Why this, why that? It tries to create order out of infinity. But when it runs amuck, it tries to create order out of EVERYTHING. It becomes a cancer. Why is there suffering, why does God let this happen, why did you look at me that way? Why is this moment the way it is? You don’t know why. Simple.” ~ Adyashanti 

Who would I be without the belief that someone can hurt me? That I have been betrayed, falsely accused? That I’m in danger? That this MEANS I’m alone?

Without the belief that I’m a victim?

Holy Smokes.

What if I’m safe? What if I could notice that reality is kind, not dangerous? What if this is an invitation…to relax into this experience without defending, without attacking, without needing to explain. A moment to feel the joy of seeing it differently.

What if….

….this is my opportunity for spiritual growth, for true forgiveness? To let go, to open my hands and stay right here, without making a punching fist. To notice that nothing is actually wrong.

What if this is my chance to not think of myself as attacked, as a victim?

“When you approach the barrier areas of your thoughts and emotions, it feels like going into an abyss. You don’t want to go near that place. But you can go there, and if you want to get out, you will go there. Eventually you will realize that darkness is not what’s really there.” ~ Michael Singer

Turning the original terrified statement around: Being alone and betrayed is not hell, it is heaven. It is uplifting. It is an invitation, an initiation. I am not alone, I am not betrayed. I am totally and completely connected. I am supported and loved. Whoever did this could be suffering and feels alone, or betrayed, confused, doing the best they can.

I turn it all around to myself, only.

I have had an inner voice that’s been really quite brutal. It criticizes, judges, pushes. Listening to that mean voice, I have betrayed myself, I have shoved myself into the dark. I have banished me, hated and criticized me, attacked myself. I have lied about myself and said crazy whacked things about me that were not true. I have thought I might not be able to really help anyone, I have thought I’m not good enough, I’ve felt less than, small, powerless. I’ve cut myself down.

“Perception is but a mirror, not a fact. What I look on is my state of mind reflected outward.” ~ A Course In Miracles

If I am not a victim, I cannot be harmed. I cannot be banished. Or permanently hurt, or damaged forever, or crushed, or destroyed.

I notice that right now, in that fearful state then and as I write this, looking back and remembering that night when I was scared….

….the sun has come up, gone down, life went on, and the silence in the center of my heart and soul has never been broken.

Sleep happened.

Exciting to notice.

No matter what strange things have befallen you, no matter what pain and terror you have experienced, or what confusion other people have created in your life….can you feel what’s here that is empty and joyful all at once?

Even if it seems like you can’t feel it….just wait.

“If you want peace, you don’t talk to your friends. Talk to your enemies.” ~ Desmond Tutu

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you’d like to see a copy of my master’s degree and all accompanying official documents…they are on my website now for all the world to see (smile).

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What Do You Need Right Now? What Are You Thinking?

I was working with a wonderful client the other day. Before we got into her process of inquiry on someone she experienced as troubling, she asked me a question.

It made me think. In a really good way.

“Why are you focusing all your upcoming offerings on a Year of Inquiry program? I like individual sessions, or the eight week courses. A year is too long, I don’t know my schedule for a whole year ahead.”

What was awesome about it was then hearing from her why she liked the idea of the shorter groups, the 2 month focus on one topic, not a huge all-year commitment.

I love hearing from people what helps them when it comes to inquiry.

Different elements help, at different times, depending on your life circumstance.

I’d love to hear from you today. Hit reply to this Grace Note email and say anything or everything you want to share. Or if you want to be totally anonymous so you can say anything at all, clickHERE to answer only five questions in an online survey. I will only get all the answers and have no way of knowing who wrote to me.

When it comes to questioning your mind, what has been most useful? What came along at the right time in your life that even made you curious about self-inquiry or The Work? What makes you interested in this process of questioning painful thoughts?

It’s like….why bother with this at all? Why DO The Work? Why do it with the intention to do it for a year? Why do it even once? Why listen to someone else do it on youtube?

What is so dang interesting about asking and answering these questions?

I’ll tell you more about how it has been for me tomorrow.

In the meantime, thank you in advance for writing back to me. In many ways it helps me to know what works for you, what doesn’t work, what you’ve always wished for, what you’re waiting for, what your concerns are, what makes you hesitate or NOT do The Work whether by yourself, or in a group or class.

I happen to have a job that is totally strange, unplanned, unexpected and weird.

Apparently, part of my job is to assist people as best I can in finding their own solid ground about being alive for a temporary time on planet earth…..through unraveling their perceptions, mental blocks, worries, their destructive side of imagination, their suspicious relationship with reality.

I am supporting the end of stressful stories. Starting with my own.

All of them are actually my own.

If there is a “my” own and a “me” here to have a story.

But without getting too cosmic….I would love to know then how best I can support you. You can write me anything. Your concerns about taking classes, being on the phone vs live, the cost of things and paying money for any of this.

This is how we do it.

Together.

If I can be of service in any way, write to me and tell me how.

But even if you’re not a survey person and have no time for answering questions in writing….you can ask yourself today, in this moment you are reading this….

….What do I think I need right now, in order to be happy, joyful, at peace, or free?

Right Now.

Do I need to call someone I love? Do I need to rest? Do I need to wait on a decision, and meditate, or make a decision and go for it? Do I need to get up from the chair and keep my commitment? Do I need to identify what my story, or stressful thought, actually is, so I can question it? Do I need a supportive meeting? Do I need to stop, relax and surrender? Do I need to breathe deeply, stare into space, or get a drink of water? Do I need to go to the gym, or go outside?

Bottom line is, do you have access to this peace you seek, right now?

What’s preventing you from it?

Now THAT is a great question.

“Mindfulness is never about doing something perfectly, because it is not about doing or accomplishing at all. It is about allowing things to be as they are, resting in awareness, and then, taking appropriate action when called for. Silence, deep listening, and non-doing are often very appropriate responses in particularly trying moments — not a turning away at all, but an opening toward things with clarity and good will, even toward ourselves. Out of that awareness, trustworthy skillful responses and actions can arise naturally, and surprise us with their creativity and clarity.” ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

To answer a few questions here about your experience of self-inquiry, mindfulness, investigation of thoughts, click HERE. 

Much love and gratitude, Grace

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Deciding Not To Fight Brings A Surprise

Yesterday August Summer Camp did some deep diving into a very common underlying stressful belief….

….they should include me. 

Yeah! That’s Right! They left me out! They don’t care about me!

It used to feel really painful to think this thought. Until I questioned it at a core level that cracked it apart, broke it down, and it dissolved away like water into sand.

It was a process, but what a fabulous, wonderful, sweet outcome.

Peace.

This seems to be true in every situation involving people, whether groups or individuals or family….anyone….

….and the feeling of being included.

If you’ve ever had the feeling you’re being left out, question it right now, today. Let’s see what happens!

There was that moment. He didn’t call to invite me to the party. She didn’t email me to include me in the meeting. They went out to celebrate without me. She canceled last minute to choose another activity without me. He never pursued resolving our differences in a conversation. She wouldn’t respond to my phone calls or emails. They fired me.

I’m not included. They don’t accept me. I did something wrong. This is terrible.

How do you react when you believe it’s true?

Scared. Like a little core pit of worry is inside my gut, anxious. Not sleeping. Angry. I deserve better! That person is ignoring me. They are mean, rotten, uncaring!

A swirl of chaos and terribly uncomfortable feelings and thoughts. I am a victim of their actions. A victim! Crying! Turning inward. Sad. Hurt.

Ouch.

So who would you be without the thought? What if someone didn’t call, didn’t email, skipped town, stopped showing up, withdrew, kicked you out, fired you, sent you away….

….and you couldn’t have the idea that this is a disaster? That you couldn’t think their actions are going to rule your life, night and day, until they come around to including you?

Oh.

“As you grow spiritually, you will realize that your attempts to protect yourself from your problems actually create more problems. If you attempt to arrange people, places, and things so they don’t disturb you, it will begin to feel like life is against you. You’ll feel that life is a struggle and that every day is heavy because you have to control and fight with everything…..The alternative is to decide not to fight with life.” ~ Michael Singer

What is the easiest way I have ever found not to fight with life?

Ask myself what is true….really. Get other people to ask me the questions. Stick with finding my own answers, no expectations, no plans for the outcome, no requirements.

Remove resistance to fear, through inquiring deeply.

Because when I inquire, when I look at what it is I am afraid of in every little exchange and interaction and event that happens in life, I am left with an openness, more gentleness, greater acceptance, far more unconditional love for whatever “I” am.

What the heck is so frightening about not being included?

Why, for me, it was simple. It would trigger the thoughts “I am not good enough, I’m stupid, I’m not worthy of being included, I’m not likable, I’m a failure, I am worthless, they’re right.”

Tricky little mind, but very innocent really.

It thinks that if I felt worthy, or good enough, or successful, or special, those people would start including me. So I get to work on myself with a vengeance….improving myself so diligently that no one will ever, ever leave me out again.

HONK. (Did you hear the big TIME OUT buzzer?)

What if you turned those frightening thoughts around?

They should NOT include or accept me…..I should accept THEM….I should accept myself, only myself, right in the middle of this situation where I believe I’m not being included.

Deep breath.

How could these turnarounds be as true, or truer? What are examples, really specific examples that you can see that actually feel right to you?

Many times, I tried on these turnarounds. They became easier and easier to find, the more I did The Work.

How is it an advantage for me that I was not accepted or included, in all those moments I used to believe I wasn’t?

I got left there standing, all by myself, and yet, not all by myself.

There was the air, the room, the couch, the phone, the books, the sky, the stars, the trees, the voices of other people, the furniture, the cement, the dirt, friends I could call, the rocks, the life pulsing with great strength and energy, most magnificent, in every moment, right here.

You notice how completely fine you are without being included or accepted, and how perhaps that person or that group of people were doing their job, dismissing you so you’d go just the way you needed to go, to be the most brilliant version of you possible.

Without you having to control anything, do anything, contend with anything, make anything happen, or fight anything.

Right now.

Feeling. Freedom.

Then you may find that one day, you notice after practicing inquiry and seeing who you would be without the belief there is something wrong…..that instead, there is something right.

Constantly.

“I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always.” ~ Byron Katie

If you’d like to continue this journey, see where it goes, opening to Not Knowing all your difficulties and pain are insurmountable, but instead practicing joy as possible….

….join me for the wonderful journey of using everyday life and all it’s problems to fuel your adventure into joy.

Wow, how different. How un-believable.

Year of Inquiry begins the very first week of September. Early Bird discount is open right now, until August 16th. We’ll have a group of wonderful people, to assist you on your own adventure, together.

You don’t have to do this alone.

I hope you’ll join us!

Much love, Grace

 

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If You’re In A Hurry, Do The Work (YOI Early Bird Open!)

Work With Grace Year of Inquiry
YOI JOY with Grace Bell

Today is the day that early bird registration begins for Year of Inquiry, starting in September.

I am soooo excited! Because I love who shows up!!

We get together to do The Work of Byron Katie for an entire year, mostly in telesessions on the phone or skype, and two in-person retreats in Seattle.

Every month, a new topic: family of origin, complaining, money, the body, romance, sexuality, death. Twelve powerful topics and all their underlying beliefs, up for questioning.

Problem is, there are a few….

gaps, shall we say….

….between our stories, the way we see things, and entering deep inquiry.

The mind just loves those stories.

You want me to give up my terrible and wonderful stories about the world, what’s happened to me, and what could happen again in the future?

But HOW?

The first gap, or block, to shifting oneself out of believing painful thoughts is the very intense, perpetual and bottomless urge in the mind to get more information. More training, more research. More seeking. Like an ever-present attitude of hope that soon, you’ll get it or get there.

It’s not here yet, but I’ll hunt it down and get it. I’m getting closer!

A new retreat, a new teacher, a new guru, a new class, a new method, a graduate degree, a new book.

The mind LOVES that!

Then you discard the new once it’s become old, or you never really deeply access the power in it (for example doing The Work) and move on before you’ve really digested what it has to offer as a practice.

Oh, The Work is helpful, but…..SHINEY NEW OBJECT.

Heh heh. Not that I’d know anything about that.

The second key gap that keeps us immersed in stressful thinking (and feeling) and our ancient stories is the tendency for most of us to want to do it alone.

“No Thanks! I’ve studied enough! I’ve read all about that! I’ve done a mega-million retreats! I got it! Been there! Done that!”

We don’t want anyone to push us (very understandably) or boss us around, or scare us, or brainwash us, or bore us. Nor do we want to try something that winds up failing again.

So we just continue by ourselves, trying to do The Work, doing it in the car in our head, writing a worksheet every so often when we’re pretty upset, calling supportive and incredible people we know to talk, finding relief, but again never really reaching deeper understanding.

I notice as I’ve looked back on my life that every time I had a huge internal opening, a major shift…other people were involved.

I was connected, real, intimate, and exposed. Whether one-on-one or in a group….and the power of others gathered together was immense.

The third missing link or gap between the mind and reality is the uncanny ability for us to go unconsciousness. Not really our fault, simply the amazing power of the mind to bury feelings, avoid pain, whistle in the dark, or try to be “positive” without really accepting the “negative”.

It’s like we hate feeling bad so much, we’re willing to suppress and escape all upsetting feelings without looking at them directly.

Trouble is, it doesn’t work in the long run.

I used to over-eat as my primary way to try changing channels and avoid feeling what I was feeling about reality. I’ve dabbled in many other addictive behaviors as well including smoking, drinking, lusting, analyzing and working.

These are the biggest “mistakes” (there aren’t really any mistakes of course) people tend to practice that make them fizzle out or stay stuck in their uncomfortable beliefs about life and reality.

Like I said, I’ve been an expert in all three.

But in the past decade, I’ve learned to use the process of The Work as a deep practice, like meditation, and it’s profoundly changed my entire life, and what I think and believe about almost everything.

My world is so much more fresh, sweet, peaceful and slowed-down in comparison to my previous perceptions of the world as dangerous, dark and unpredictable.

With all these gaps so evident in the nature of mind and what we’re all dealing with here…I knew what could be awesome for the people I worked with is gathering together for an entire year—a significant period of time spanning every season—because I had seen it work so well for me.

That’s what Year of Inquiry is created for. It closes in on those biggest gaps. What you do is:

  • Relax the urge to seek MORE because you’re not “there” yet
  • put yourself in a group of wonderful people who support your journey
  • STAY…even if you feel uncomfortable, even as you remember a troubling situation. You turn and look directly at what you’re thinking when you feel bad.

Like any athlete going to the Olympics….you practice. Get support. Receive facilitation. Stay present. Love the journey.

I can tell you this….it’s so much fun to close those gaps.

So how does YOI actually happen?

There’s a Tuesday morning 9 am group (all groups Pacific time) and a Thursday afternoon 4:30 pm. There will be a third group on Fridays at 9 am if there are enough interested people.

All telesessions last 90 minutes.

Then, oh fabulous, we gather together in person Sept 19-21, 2014 and May 13-17, 2015 to do The Work together. We laugh, connect, get very honest and real, and get very deep into our inquiry. You are not alone.

You can join telesessions only, but many people report that the in-person retreats are absolutely awesome. We meet in Seattle.

I get very excited to work with whomever can make it live.

So here’s the deal….

You’ve got the early bird special if you sign up by August 16th.

Full Program for the entire year by August 16: $4497

Telesessions only for the entire year by August 16: $1697

After August 16: $4997 if paid in full before September 3, 2014.

After August 16: $1997 if paid in full before September 3, 2014.

Payment Plans are definitely available, more about those very soon (or email grace@workwithgrace.com for more information).

You have 60 days to test it out YOI and make sure it’s right for you.

Click this link and head over to Year of Inquiry to sign up. Be sure to fill out this short application form so I get to know you better and put you on the list.

Journey Through Mind Together, Holding Hands
“I signed up for YOI because I wanted to practice the work on a regular basis with like-minded individuals, a cocoon, so to speak. I was wanting more peace around stressful issues that hadn’t even happened to me yet, let alone the ones that had! I met such incredible people from all over the planet! I love that I can Skype with someone in England, and hear about someone’s stressful life events over the course of  a year and how the Work helped them through it.  I especially loved the retreats, putting a face with a voice and thoughts. I loved the popcorn style inquiry, and I loved the month-by-month topics, seemed to hit all the buttons. I would tell anyone interested in YOI that it’s a beautiful journey through our minds, holding hands tightly!” ~ YOI Participant

Click here if you’re ready to sign up, or read more. I can’t wait to see the wonderful group that is formed and dive into a year of investigation, support, and enlightenment together.

What an adventure.

“If you’re in a hurry, do The Work.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

 

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Are You Sure There’s No Light, It’s Too Much?

sunrise_1024Sometimes several “incidents” happen around the same time, and by themselves perhaps each one would be manageable, but all together the anxiety provoked creates….well….

….Mass Anxiety.

My kid is in Geometry tutoring. For the first time in her life, I hear her say things like this:

“OMG, I get what Mr. Teacher was saying in Algebra last year….WOW, I’m going to know Geometry better than most of my friends….Mom, my junior year is going to be awesome.”

We add up the tutoring bill and discover funding for it is not possible the way we planned. We’re switching summer education plans as of today. She’s very upset.

Then….my hamstring injury starts hurting again for what seems like no apparent reason. I didn’t even push it too hard, I’ve been taking it easy. I finally take pain relievers, and nothing happens. I take two more. Barely touches it. Back hurts, neck hurts, achilles hurts, foot hurts. All on the right side. That right side is seriously a *$*%@ problem.

Three clients all report that even though they’ve been in The Work for awhile, catching their thoughts and questioning them, they felt like sh*t this weekend.

A few more inquirers who read Grace Notes write to me and say the same thing.

“My life is too overwhelming, my thoughts are too overwhelming, I can’t find solid ground…..maybe inquiry doesn’t work.”

Two really, really good close friends of mine get surprise shocking news about someone they love and they feel slammed to the ground, crushed by the universe, and very, very sad.

My communications with others, even brand new friends, seem like there’s not enough time, or something was off or confusing. She thought I was free all morning (but I was only free an hour). He thought I was calling him before the end of the day and I thought he was calling me. I blanked out completely on my Sunday morning session with a client.

Shut down everything! I QUIT! I GIVE UP! FORGET IT!

These events all float through the mind and feelings close in like walls coming closer and closer, squeezing and suffocating you practically to death.

Well….that may be a little dramatic, but sometimes not really.

Yesterday a group got together on the phone, a follow up call for everyone who attended the Breitenbush retreat last month.

We found an underlying thought to question: it is too much.

Whether it’s mind, my thinking, my negativity, that person, my loss, this challenge, her personality, my job, this problem….it’s simply too much.

Let’s take a look.

Hold all those bubbles of people, issues, scenes, situations, dilemmas, concerns in your mind. It doesn’t matter which ones. It may look like a fog bank, the weight of the world, blackness.

How do you react when you believe it’s too much?

Hopeless, shut down, screaming inside, full of rage, like crying and crying. Can’t take it anymore.

One big NO.

Sleepless hours, perseverating, analyzing….doomed feelings.

Pause. Deep breath.

Who would you be without the belief that it’s too much? Look around your environment. Start where you are right now.

Alive and breathing–check.

Heart beating–check.

Ground beneath my feet–check.

Bed to lie in, chair to sit on–check.

Something different here, besides all the thoughts and emotions colliding together in chaos.

A stillness. Can you feel it? Can you slow down enough to give yourself this peace, just for a second?

Can you notice how life is pulsing here, no matter how terrible your mind thinks it is?

“Instead of going through your life reacting to the content of your life…become aware of the now, beyond the phenomena that arises in it. What does that mean, to become aware of the now itself? You become aware of an undercurrent of stillness in which everything happens. You sense it. Even that’s not quite correct…. You realize that you ARE it. And then it’s so easy once you realize you are that deep undercurrent of stillness. The world is no longer problematic. That moment you know yourself to be that, whatever content is here, including the story of “me”, is no longer problematic.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Turn the thought around: I am too much, not “it” and all the situations, people, conversations, mistakes, things that were off, problems, events.

My thinking is taking it very seriously. My thoughts are overwhelming.

And I am more than all my thinking combined…..one thousand billion trillion times more…I am far too much for this minute problem, I am beyond mental noise and fears, I am quiet, I am love.

Could that be just as true, or truer?

“Let your self be one with something beyond it….I could see peace instead of this….there is nothing to fear.” ~ A Course In Miracles

Much love, Grace

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When You’re Nervous About An Upcoming Event


There will be room in August Summer Camp if you’re looking to dial-in and connect to your own answers, by listening to and answering powerful questions known as The Work of Byron Katie.

You get to look at a stressful situation in your life, write out your stressful thoughts about it, and then examine your beliefs and thought-patterns more closely.

The group support is immensely helpful for many.

You aren’t alone!

Click here, register (it’s only $97 for the whole month, you can call in to any of the appointed 90-minute telesession times) and I will send you all the information you need via email to dial-in and join our August camp.

Telesession times: 8/4, 8/5, 8/14, 8/18, 8/19, 8/28. I bet I’ll add at least one session for all those who join 🙂

*****

The other day, I was reminded of how funny our beliefs are when it comes to anticipating people, or events, that are about to happen.

You get invited to something….a party, a meeting, a group, a class, a teleconference, a meal, a date, a meetup, a support group, a dance, a workshop.

You have to find the address, notice what time you need to leave your home, and get yourself to the location.

Even if it sounded pretty good when you were first invited, on the way there you may be having a few thoughts.

  • I probably won’t like the people. They’ll be too serious, stuffy, uptight, young, corporate, touchy-feely, left wing, right wing, religious, liberal, conservative, shy, uneducated, pompous, old, radical, rich, feeble, blabber-mouthed, needy, poor, woowoo, aggressive, boring, messed up
  • I won’t fit in
  • this could be a waste of time
  • I’d rather be _________
  • I’ll get lost in the crowd
  • there will be too few people (so they’ll make me talk)
  • why did I say yes?
If you believe your thoughts, and think your visions are truly risky….

 

….like the one where a bunch of weirdos are trying to get you to join their cult….

 

….you might turn around and go back home.

 

It’s great if you catch yourself having this fantasizing fit.

 

Because you KNOW it isn’t even true. There is no way you can know what will happen at that upcoming thing you’re going to.

 

You can speculate, you can try to guess, you can analyze it from every angle, but you will not know.
 
You’re asking your own mind to do this impossible. Predict the future. Keep you safe. Prevent bad things from happening.

 

Except.

 

About that idea of “bad” things happening.

 

If you do The Work, and ask yourself the four questions about any of these worries, you may be pleasantly surprised about how anticipation of future events or possibility can change.

 

So let’s go!

 

Make yourself comfortable.
Imagine that future event you’ve got scheduled, and you feel a little fuzzy, off, anxious, buzzy, or annoyed about it.

 

It has to go the way you really want, in order for you to be totally happy. It’s possible for it to go badly.

 

Is that true?
Yes. I’ve been to stupid things before. So annoying! Or creepy!
Like that time the moonies invited me to dinner when I was 18. I didn’t know they were the moonies. That weird meatless broth. So many people living in one house.
But can you absolutely know it’s true that something has to go your way? Are you sure you can’t be happy if it doesn’t? Are you positive it COULD go badly?
Are you sure you wouldn’t be safe? Or get yourself to solid ground? Or take care of yourself as best you could?
Well. People get kidnapped. Or trapped by lousy conversation. Or stalked. Or tricked. Or conned. Right?
You may have heard terrible, horrifying stories. But what about your own actual experience…..
…..have you always made it out alive, so far?
Who would you be without the belief that it could go wrong, whatever you’ve go on your calendar for next week, for the future?
Woah. That’s a big, huge, wild, open question.
But such an exciting one.
It doesn’t mean you walk across a freeway without looking both ways, it doesn’t mean you don’t take in all the information you receive carefully and responsibly.
You take note of what comes to you and feel if it’s a yes or no, or an “I don’t know”, without fear.
Turning the thoughts around: it is not possible for it to go badly, it does NOT have to go the way I want in order for me to be happy.
 
Could I be happy, without any expectations of the way it’s going?
I can connect to my awareness, with kind, sweet attention. I can take care of myself with the greatest affection and love.
This means I might get up and leave, if I do.
And oh what an adventure all the coming and going is!
Even if you have experienced what felt to be a terrible mistake, a trap, a difficulty, a rotten party, a lousy class, a boring meeting…..could whatever comes along be a new learning, a fascinating journey?
Could it be you are ultimately safe?
At least, I notice I’ve made it so far in this physical body.
“In the future, you could suffer….is that true? You get to see it all, those images, and then you get to live it out. Fear is driving you. But who would you be without that thought? This moment is all there is. I can promise you, it’s all there ever will be. This moment. Are you OK? You’re standing in your future. Remember when you were worried that you would suffer in the future? Well, here it is! How are you doing?! THIS is the only moment there is. Everything else is imagination.” ~ Byron Katie
 
Could it be that all those thoughts about other people and what they’ll do are not real? All imagination?

 

Oh. Now that’s not very scary.
  • I will like the people. They’ll be fabulous.
  • I will fit right in
  • this could be a fantastic use of time
  • there’s nothing I’d rather be doing
  • I’ll get found in the crowd
  • there will be just the right number of people (I’ll get to talk)
  • I’m so happy I said yes
“Once you realize that all comes from within, that the world in which you live has not been projected onto you but by you, your fear comes to an end…….Pain and pleasure, good and bad, right and wrong: these are relative terms and must not be taken absolutely. They are limited and temporary.” ~ Nisargadatta

Much love, Grace

P.S. Almost early registration time for Year of Inquiry. To read about it, click HERE. To sample what the telesessions are like, consider joining August Summer Camp! Would love to meet you.

 

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The Universe Gave Me Poop

Liberty Street BridgeThe smell was not going away.

There it was again. A whiff through the air when opening the washing machine. Leaning down closely to the open door and drawing a big breath through the nose.

No, not right here. But where? Where is that smell coming from?

Once again, I went through the routine of following my nose through the kitchen. Seems like it’s near the oven, but the oven is super clean (in fact the entire kitchen has been scrubbed down, pine sol poured into the garbage disposal, every cupboard entirely cleaned out).

It’s not the new fridge, that thing is brand spankin’ new.

My husband, who by the way doesn’t really smell any of this until now, wonders if it’s a dead animal under the house?

No one wants to go under the cottage into the crawl space. A friend comes over who isn’t afraid, he has a big flashlight.

He doesn’t have to go in more than one foot, and he sees broken pipes….

….and….brown stuff, under the pipes on the ground.

Our friend says “fecal matter”. 

We have a real, live, cesspool under our house. The toilet, shower, sink and washing machine have been dumping under the house for who knows how long. Maybe many months.

Great.

Kaboom. Stress. NOOOOOOOOO!

How much is this going to cost to fix?!!

The thoughts started in like a heavy rain storm pounding.

Just when I think I’m going to leave a small amount in savings, just when I thought we were done with house repairs (new roof this past winter), oh sure now that I’m entirely running on my own income another emergency, I can never get ahead, there is always someplace my money has to go, I can’t ever stop working working working, it’s not possible to rest or enjoy life, I hate being a homeowner, the universe is out to get me.

All from the thought “gross” to “how much?” to “I’m doomed” in less than two minutes.

Clenched fist punching the sky.

But luckily for me….the Money teleclass was about to start. So my mind was extra open and fresh and curious about money stories and the people writing to sign up.

Or maybe it was all the accumulated effect of doing the work on surprise alarming situations, many many times.

Something paused on the inside of me and didn’t go all the way down the hole. Almost as fast as the intense sinking, depressed, crushed feeling….came a whisper in my mind “is that true?”

This situation MEANS that the universe is out to get me…..but is that really true?

Do you have a situation like that?

It doesn’t have to be about money. You know the feeling.

Disaster. Terror. Rug pulled out and you are falling, falling and it hurts. Something feels like chaos. The unknown is pressing in.

This is strange though….but really look at your situation and see if you are totally and completely crushed, if you are destroyed, ruined, condemned.

Are you positive the universe is out to get you? Is it 100% mean, vicious, sadistic?

Stop and feel the moment. Just stop.

I was in my kitchen and even though a huge truck was pulling up, with special giant vacuum hoses and men with suits that zipped up over their heads, masks, booties that covered their shoes….

….something on the inside had stopped.

This is fascinating. Look how amazing this is. Wow, these guys have this job? Holy cow, what a crazy job–they clean up poop and sewage. What a cool and bizarre occupation. I wonder how much the hourly guys get paid?

Then, wow.

Their job matches my job. Mine is on the inside. Theirs is on the outside.

It’s a massive Clean Up job.

Time to get down under my house and start vacuuming. No matter what the smell, no matter how disgusting, ugly, frightening, creepy, sick, ill or old my thoughts are.

Time to expose them to the light.

I started laughing.

How do I react when I believe the thought that I am doomed and the universe is out to get me? That I can’t stand this and don’t have enough resources (money, time, energy, love) to help my situation?

Ugh. It’s like being kicked in the stomach.

I feel angry with the pipes. They should be intact. I feel guilty and enraged all at once with the condition of the earth under my cottage. I have visions of what it looks like down there, even though I haven’t even actually seen it myself. One of the clean up guys says there were a lot of maggots and maggot eggs.

OMG. Ewww.

You may have pictures in your mind of a terrible, difficult future. Of a life not worth living. You may be seeing a horror movie in your head.

But who would you be without this belief that the universe is out to crush you?

Sometimes, if your situation feels extreme and dire and grave, you may have to pause a moment and use your incredible imagination.

Yes, you have an imagination….have you noticed? Like the-whole-universe-hates-you-and-this-proves-it imagination?

May as well put that imagination to use in a way that feels better, since it’s going nuts anyway.

Who would you be if you couldn’t even have the thought that you’re doomed?

I see that in this moment, with guys in hazmat suits (because of this incident, I learned the word hazmat for the first time) life is exceptionally entertaining.

Really.

Guys are shouting and changing filters and bagging up huge black plastic garbage bags of “contaminated material”.

I have a live action movie happening in my own back yard.

Something is sprayed under the house with the word “enzyme” and a big chemical smell, but better than putrid stinky smell, invades the house, and then fades out within 24 hours.

And the guy tells me it will be $930.

Is that all?

No money terror, pipe fixed, smell gone, mind laughing, fun story added to life experiences, appreciation felt.

The same as when I question my troubled, ugly, stinking, dark, horror show thoughts about life.

I clean it up.

It smells better.

It’s waaaaay more fun, and entertaining. No complaints.

“To me, a car alarm is as beautiful as a bird singing. It’s all the sound of God. By its very nature, the mind is infinite. Once it has questioned its beliefs, it can find beauty in all things; it’s that open and free. This is not a philosophy. This is how world really is…..A mind that doesn’t question its judgments makes the world very small and dangerous. It must continue to fill the world with bad things and bad people, and in doing so it creates its own suffering.” ~ Byron Katie

Can I find beauty in a sewer spill?

Can I find beauty in a twisted mental freaked out fear-based story of complaining?

Does it get cleaned up?

Yes.

Much love, Grace

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August Session Summer Camp For The Mind

Very short one today everybody: Summer Camp For The Mind for August, the final frontier, starts next week.

Here are the dates for our month:

Mondays 8/4 and 8/18 4-5:30 pm

Tuesdays 8/5 and 8/19 8-9:30 am

Thursdays 8/14 and 8/28 9:30-11 am

All you need to do is dial the number and show up. It’s nice if you have a pen and paper somewhere close, but you don’t even really need that.

You can close your eyes, and inquire.

We always start with writing a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, and then do The Work on at least one concept.

The collection of situations and thoughts are fascinating, and we share the power of group inquiry.

If you want to join, it’s only $97 for the month, and you pick whatever calls you want to join.

Or all of them. Seriously.

Sign up for August by clicking HERE. So good for practicing inquiry, and un-doing those pesky repetitive beliefs about your life.

We’re undoing those stories that create havoc, addictive behavior, stress, sadness or anxiety. This is a great way to get started with a supportive, connected group.

Or keep your practice going, to get to the heart of your own deepest work.

Come join us!

Much love,

Grace