There are a lot of ideas out there about how you should love yourself and be kind to yourself and care well for yourself, in order to be happy.
But rarely do we deeply consider why we would have this idea that being unhappy with oneself is a good thing.
What if you were happy with yourself as you are, at this weight, with your kind of eating patterns (no matter how terrible they’ve felt)?
What if the way you have been with food has been the best you can do, the best you’ve known how to do, until now?
What if instead of kicking yourself for eating, you could ask yourself why being happy right now would be bad for you?
Then really answer the question from the bottom of your heart, explore, notice what you believe, give yourself some patient consideration.