Lack of eating peace comes along with more places than trying to be thin, have you noticed?
Sometimes, people experience great stress with eating that has nothing to do with thinness….but instead contains anxiety about perfect health, or longevity, or cancer prevention.
It’s no way to live, with such stress about certain foods, and the dictate to eat broccoli constantly, so you’re safe, and healthy!
(Although I do love broccoli, but let’s not get carried away).
Today, I offer you an interesting exercise that you might think is taking things a little too far: looking at the worst that could happen.
What is it (in your opinion)?
What are you most afraid of?
What pictures come to mind when you believe you need to prevent that future dreadful image of The Worst?
Watch here, and let me know how it goes to see who you’d be without your stressful story of eating and health.
By the way, I mention a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet in this video. You can download one for yourself right HERE.
I know I keep mentioning the Eating Peace Retreat in January in the Pacific Northwest. There are 3 spots left, and no private onsite rooms. Commuters are welcome, though.
And here’s why I talk about it.
Because I’m not only very excited for the new content and ways to share with those who attend, giving you insight into how you can take the practice of questioning your thoughts with you, in every moment (including eating)….
….but also because I know people receive what’s possible at the retreat from the neck down.
You stop staying up in that head which is yelling at you.
The mind that says things like:
“Did you see what you ate last night? What were you thinking? You did it right in front of all those people, too….have you no shame? You should fast every year in December. Rather than stuff your face. Do you know how many times you’ve done this? Yeah….too many to count. You’re pathetic.”
Ow.
Double ow.
It’s really not that funny. It’s dreadful, vicious, and nasty.
I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and immediately think “ugh” instead of “oh hello you lovely person!”
It almost doesn’t even matter what’s in the mirror, it’s a judgment, an assessment, based on deep conditioning about what you’re supposed to think of as beautiful or ugly.
But what if you can’t do it wrong?
Especially if you think you failed lately (you’re gaining weight, you’re eating a lot during the holiday season, you’re going off your food plan, you binged yesterday).
For those of you feeling extremely discouraged during December, try this for a change.
It’s called Not Fighting.
And, I’m so thrilled about the art practice I will bring into our retreat, by living this from the neck down. And movement. And being in the presence of food and eating in a peaceful way for 3.5 whole days.
Let’s do this together.
If you want the experience of disconnecting yourself from your thinking….come to the Eating Peace Retreat in January. You won’t regret it. (The mind loves regret).
When you think you’re a victim of someone else, or life circumstances, or a difficult situation….
….you’re guaranteed to feel uncertain, fearful and like a VICTIM.
Oh no.
Then we also feel bad about being a victim (and then you’re a victim of your own judgment towards yourself on top of it).
The best way to address the feeling of smallness, powerlessness, and being a victim of something or someone (including you) is to access your honest yes or no within, and practice saying it out loud.
No shame, no freaking out.
Sometimes, it’s called “assertiveness” but really this means you are telling the truth, and allowing it to be known.
It may not be as difficult as you think.
And when you do….it’s soooooooo worth it. You’ll stop wanting to eat.
Have you often wondered why you’re eating, or why you ate the food you ate, or why you ate the way you ate?
If you’ve experienced compulsion with food, you’ve certainly wondered these things many times.
The answer to this question, for me, has really become quite simple.
The reason I’m eating (or doing anything compulsive that I really don’t want to do, or isn’t healthy for me) is because I am AFRAID!
I’ve felt threatened by something.
I’m nervous.
This might have happened many years ago, or very recently.
But my view of a relationship, a task, a request, an activity, a dynamic about life and the world….
….is fearful.
Here’s an amazing question to ask that can really help uncover the truth of what you’re thinking and believing when you feel like doing something (in this case eating).
What would you have, if you had a perfect, thin, strong, young, supple, attractive, athletic body?
What would you have, if your eating woes were gone….or it no longer mattered what you ate?
It’s not a new idea that underlying beliefs, or hidden negative stories, fuel overeating or other compulsions….
….but how do you find out what you’re hiding inside, if it’s HIDDEN?
Here are some ideas, especially one key exercise, you can do to discover unexpected “hidden” reasons you’re doing what you’re doing with food and eating.
In the Eating Peace Core Teleclass, we explore how the mind takes over our experience of eating and our relationship to food becomes eating war, not eating peace.
But when you travel and leave home or are faced with something different and unusual with eating, anxiety and war-like thoughts might become even MORE difficult.
When you leave home, or change something familiar….even going out to eat at a new restaurant or attending a meal at someone’s home….
….many people with eating concerns think “Oh no, what will they serve? What will I eat? Will it be OK? I might overeat! I might not get enough! I’ll probably gain weight!” and on and ond with fearful anxious thoughts.
First, take a deep breath.
(What I always love to call the “first course” of any meal….a deep breath).
Then, do this (watch the video). Nothing else required.
If you’re ready to join the next Eating Peace Core teleclass, the next one is 8 weeks (instead of 6) and we’ll meet on Mondays 5:30-7:00 pm Pacific time starting May 9th. (Yes, you can listen to the recordings if you can’t make it live….and I will also offer this course on a morning hour in the future as well Pacific Time if this works better with your schedule).
Module One: (weeks one and two) Underlying Beliefs that fuel eating off-balance and the Food Plan. Should you follow a food plan, or not? I’ll share when it’s a good idea, and when not. I’ll also share the most common underlying beliefs I’ve found that create eating havoc. You’ll send me your peaceful food plan and I’ll share mine with you.
Module Two: (weeks three and four) Judging Bodies. What are your thoughts about how you should look, or what those other people look like? What do you think of other perfect bodies? We’ll explore why we
Module Three: (weeks five and six) Who Taught You? Here we look at what we innocently learned from those around us, whether family of origin or society or both. We learn to disconnect our actions from what we thought was “truth” about eating.
Module Four: (weeks seven and eight) Peace Beyond Beliefs. We look even deeper at the underlying beliefs, including what we’re thinking there’s Not Enough or Too Much of in our lives that isn’t food.
If you’d like to come along on this journey, the core eating peace teleclass is a wonderful way to look closely at your relationship with food and what thoughts and feelings take you away from the natural peace within.
All you need to join the course is a phone, or skype, or any way to dial the number or connect to the event via computer. The course is audio only (not video). We will have only a small handful of people so I can give you personal attention on this journey.
There’s another way to approach eating peace that climbing on and falling off the wagon
I really loved sharing how to move off the Control Wagon yesterday….that is, the tendency we have to always think we need to control or change or manage our food or ourselves in order to feel happy with eating (or any compulsion, for that matter).
It is possible for everyone to find freedom in eating.
But granted, it does take some time. And it’s a different approach when we throw out the old yo-yo methods of being “on” or “off” a plan.
Listen and watch the slide show here to find out the four steps I shared to enter peace rather than the torment of looking for the right way to eat and not finding it.
Feeling like you can’t stop something you yourself engage in, is so weird, right?
But instead of feeling angry with this part of you that wants to eat, what if it was a voice with a very important message?
Awareness of the message changes everything.
“Wisdom comes with the ability to be still. Just look and just listen. No more is needed. Being still, looking, and listening activates the non-conceptual intelligence within you. Let stillness direct your words and actions.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
If you want to set aside a 3 hour mini-retreat to explore and meet the voices that want to eat….I’ll be offering a rare session this Saturday afternoon (Pacific Time) from 2-5 pm. For a small group, we’ll be taking a deep dive into the experience of emotional eating or graze eating….the kind of eating we later feel so unhappy about and wish we’d stop doing.
We’ll visit this compulsive voice, this mindless urge, through writing and inquiry exercises that will help us speak directly with the parts of us that seem to want to eat so badly.
We’ll take a look at what’s really going on, more than just the desire to eat.
This is my favorite exploration in life….to investigate the impulse to grab, ingest, think, eat….
….and end the battle through understanding and awareness.
I hope you’ll join me! If this is something you’d like to try, sign uphere (it’s $47 for the 3 hour online retreat). You’ll need a computer or phone with a speaker phone or headphones and a quiet space for yourself. You can choose to just participate without speaking for the entire time, or do The Work out loud, either way. The program will NOT be recorded.
I hope it will make a huge difference for you on your journey to eating peace.
It’s not breaking news that feelings of anger and fear fuel compulsive or obsessive behavior with food (or other substances).
But maybe you haven’t realized what you actually believe about feeling angry, or feeling afraid.
If you want to destroy, crush, consume, hide, repress or make anger and fear invisible….
….and never feel them again….
….then you’ll keep eating (or starving yourself).
Here’s what happened with me that changed everything:
Eating Peace: Trying NOT to change your anger or fear will help you and heal you
Peace,
Grace
P.S. Eating Peace Online starts November 17. We meet Tuesdays and Wednesdays live (9-10:30 am Pacific time) but all recordings are included and you can watch webinars, and listen. Change your thinking, change your eating.
In the middle of the Eating Peace Online Course (which is underway right now) people almost always reach a moment after the initial period of hopefulness….
….the reality that they are right here, with themselves, and no one can really come in and fix their eating issues for them.
I mean, you can’t hire a bodyguard or a personal assistant, or me, to walk around with you 24/7.
You’ll run up into a moment again where you want to eat, where you’re overcome with the urge and craving to stuff your face, or start graze-eating at night, or simply keep eating when you are not hungry….or you’ll decide to starve yourself and skip eating altogether.
I don’t care if you have huge binge-eating episodes and your disordered eating or starving is extreme (that was me) or if you battle over nighttime snacking….
….the shadows will come to the surface and you’ll have to be with them.
Here’s something you can do that’s very very simple (but not so easy, I know) if you get super confused, hopeless, whiney or feel like a gigantic victim.
Watch here to see the question I ask. See if you can answer honestly.
You may be surprised.
Lots of peace,
Grace
P.S. Notice this is coming out Thursday, instead of Wednesday? For those of you who did….Technology broke down yesterday. All fixed now!
