Tag: emotional eating

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We eat to live. Is there something dying in you if you’re eating too much food?

I’ve been deep in the autumn retreat I’ve seemed to offer for a few years now doing The Work of Byron Katie. True, honest sharing together questioning stressful stories. I’m so grateful for the fabulous group of people who attended.

Now that it’s over…it’s a wide open road to the Eating Peace Process; a circle of people who will travel together live online through self-inquiry and guidance in mindful and peaceful eating for five months together.

It doesn’t matter if;

  • you’re somewhat discouraged about a tendency to overeat a lot and you’re feeling slightly (or very) chubby OR
  • you’re desperate for some kind of balance between binge-eating and self-starvation OR
  • you’re someone whose mind is filled constantly with labels, chemicals, diet plan(s), measurements and worry about what and how much to eat OR
  • you over-exercise and think you should eat salads all day….

….No matter where you are on the spectrum or experience of eating battles, you don’t feel peace when it comes to eating. There’s a pain in eating, in this whole thing called “eating”.

Instead of joy or ease, you often feel anger, fear, discouragement, and sometimes even self-hatred.

At least, that’s what eating used to be like for me. It wasn’t ever fun. My experience of eating went from craving and ravenous to unpleasant to torturous regularly.

Even as the autumn retreat was underway this past weekend, I sat on my front porch Saturday morning to make a video for you.

It was inspired by a bird’s-eye look at eating itself as an activity we humans seem to be required to do.

This thing called “eating”. What is it for, bottom line?

Life.

Eating provides fuel for being alive physically. Keeping this body running and going.

It’s often pleasurable, too, and built to be that way. It’s lovely to have the organism kept fueled from activity that’s appealing. (That was a smart creation move).

And there’s so much to choose from, it’s rather astonishing. We can eat so many things in this world!

So what’s happening when there becomes urgency for eating? Could it be a bid, or a symbol of feeling urgent about living life, having life, being alive?

When I think about this act of eating itself being a basic need and drive for life, I recognize from my binge-eating days that something in me was driven insane trying to LIVE.

I wanted to EAT, EAT, EAT….but really I wanted to feel alive….and something, honestly, felt dead inside.

Something was locked away, suppressed, dismissed, overlooked, ignored.

I had a hunger that wasn’t getting fed or satisfied, and I thought my only option was to pretend it wasn’t there, and bottle it up inside.

Freedom to eat in a relaxed way was not possible in that state of mind, where some things were “killed” within and not dealt with. At the time when my eating was seriously out of whack, I was so hungry for an honest life, and full of sadness and desperation because parts of me felt ignored, needy and even dead.

One good question you might ask yourself, if you overeat or over-focus on eating: what have I tried to kill within (the opposite of life)? What feels like it’s died inside me? What am I really hungry for, or wanting to give fuel to? What am I so afraid to do or be that I’m not trying it?

In preparation for the upcoming Eating Peace Process Immersion starting November 13th, I’m offering a webinar for anyone and everyone seeking eating peace. Mark your calendar for the time that works for you best. These will be free, and I’ll share information and answer questions only at the end about the immersion program running November through April.

Eating Peace Free Masterclass Webinar, offered 3 different times (you choose what works best). If you want to join, you must register by entering your email here.

  • Tuesday, October 30th 4:00 pm PT
  • Thursday, November 1st 8:00 am PT
  • Sunday, November 11th 10:00 am PT

Because so many people have questions or feel pretty discouraged about new eating programs (especially because you’ve been on 800 diets or food plans in your life) I am ALSO offering a new experiment in online support before the full-on program starts:

An 8 day free course delivered through facebook LIVE. If you’re interested then sign up HERE to receive daily alerts via email for the live course. It will run Nov 4-11th, and you’ll have access to the recordings.

In this facebook live eating peace 8-day course, I’ll share one very important principle each day for freedom from eating battles through the process of self-inquiry, meditation and inner rest.

In a way, all these courses and offerings are simply the creative act of living. It is not ultimately required that we know “more” about how eating works, or the body’s digestive system, or to get a PhD in Nutrition or Psychology.

Maybe the way through is feeling comfort with life here in this moment now. Not being so afraid of the past, or painful ideas about living (which can be very scary).

Who would we be without our fearful stories about living as humans on planet earth? Who would I be without my thoughts?

Wow.

“Both pleasure and pain are projections, and it takes a clear mind to understand that. After inquiry, the experience of pain changes. The joy that was always beneath the surface of pain is primary now, and the pain is underneath it. People who do The Work stop fearing pain. They relax into it. They watch it come and go, and they see that it always comes and goes at the perfect moment.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

Eating Peace Process 5 month Immersion starts in November. You can read about it and learn more about the schedule here.
Eating Peace Process Participant: Miraculous Peace
I feel an indescribable peace. I saw this in action this morning. I had the experience of waking up, filled with anxiety and doing the exercise where I listed all the stressful thoughts. What I did next was genuinely say to myself that I was excited to know what the insight was and I really felt the excitement and gratitude…I went to respond to the list of complaints and world-class wisdom came out me. It was amazing! This is new. I can put the stressful thoughts on the side without having to do more than a few minutes exercise and get to a peaceful place. It’s kind of a miracle!
Much love,
Grace

 

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I am not home–how do YOU react?

Something about fall. Crisp. Fresh. Orange.

The beginning of the end. Nature is decaying and going dark for the winter. Leaves fall, the sky looks gray, the sun shines far less (where I live).

I love going on retreat at this time of year, and taking the precious time to sink into inquiry.

I’ve experienced very deeply and sincerely that when my relationship to reality actually changes through this work, my movement in the world changes, and the outcomes I experience actually wind up changing, naturally.

  • half-day Living Turnarounds Deep Divers retreat October 14th from 2-6 pm ($50)
  • October 17th evening through October 21st morning, autumn retreat. We have one room left for anyone wanting to stay at a reduced fee onsite at the beautiful retreat house, but commuters also welcome.
  • December 6-9 a winter retreat in the woods of Breitenbush Thursday evening through Sunday morning.

The other day, I was reflecting on one of my first most terrible, dreadful “loneliness” stories.

I was going to share this story with only the Eating Peace mailing list, but I had the thought you might like to reflect on the very same story….even if you have never had a single moment of trouble with food, eating or weight.

The “I Am Lonely” story.

I am not connected, I am abandoned, I am alone, I am not safe.

I AM NOT HOME.

This story is incredibly stressful.

When I believed it was the truth, what did I do?

I isolated, I tried to hold back tears, I slept a lot or lay in my bed…and I ate.

This is a truly powerful story to question. So let’s do it today (and you’re welcome to watch my live youtube on this right here).

I am not home.

Is it true?

No.

When I think about this right now, today, I can still find the voice that wonders where home is….that isn’t so sure it’s here, now. But I really can’t know that voice is accurate.

The thought comes in “where else would home be, if not here?”

I can really see it’s not True.

But how do you react when you think it is?

Doubt enters my heart, and I feel it in my body. I believe I won’t be safe quite soon, and I’m not emotionally safe now. I can’t relax. I want to go home, like a little kid saying “where’s my mommy?”

And if you watch my story I shared on youtube, you’ll know that the way I reacted to this belief “I am not home” is that I ate.

I ate and ate and ate and stuffed and filled myself. I remember I knew how to say in French, “J’ai manger trop”.

“I ate too much!”

I said this many times to my student leader on my foreign exchange program who was probably about 24 and seemed so old and wise and capable. I remember her saying back to me “you’ve said that a lot!”

Ugh.

I’ve sat with many people in this stressful belief. Some people react by hunting for the perfect mate. Some people buy clothes and go shopping and try to enhance their environment with a feeling of “home”. Some people watch TV or movies, or join a ton of groups, or fill their time with way too many tasks.

Just watch, if you’ve held this belief that you are not ultimately at home, how stressful it can be.

I notice that I’ve felt source, reality, universe, God, were very far away somewhere and not listening to me. (I notice it makes no sense at all, really, but the images are of distance, outer space, being cut-off, feeling desperately sad).

Now….who would you be without this belief you aren’t home?

I instantly notice a sense of relief or wonder about this moment. It’s quiet, yet I can hear a lot of sounds–crows and eagles outside, a group passing by on bikes calling to each other, wind chimes on the front porch, a loud motor from the busy street in the distance.

But I suppose it would be fine if suddenly I was deaf.

And what would this moment be like without sight, without the belief you aren’t home?

I find there’s a trust present that I didn’t feel before. Something kind. I’m not assuming darkness or blackness means aloneness or separation.

Turning the thought around: what if you are connected? What if you are home?

I am connected, I am found, I am surrounded, I am safe.

Was that actually true for me at that time so long ago when I shared my story of being so far away in another country?

Yes.

I had a group leader, I had adults who had welcomed me into their home to spend time with their family for the entire summer, I sang all summer with my friends in 3-part harmony during our bike ride adventure through France, I felt joy at the beauty I witnessed of landscapes and castles and camping in barns on hay, I learned that I didn’t need my parents or family around in order to be happy.

I also learned that something in me felt terrified and reached for food for relief, escape and comfort. I lost some of my innocence of childhood and discovered I had something vital to contend with—my inner soul’s desire to connect with other humans honestly (instead of food).

It was not easy.

I am still practicing and learning the living turnaround: I am home.

But what I can see is when I do not believe that I’m not home and there’s no hope in returning home, I do not eat wildly and desperately.

I notice a need to articulate my feelings and speak them. I ask for support and put myself in environments where I will receive it. I connect with other people–including all the clients and people who appear for groups–and we do this work, together.

I feel in this body, and in my consciousness, a sense of now, here, being, open.

Gratitude may appear. Thankful for this chair. Thankful for this tree. Thankful for this mind, these thoughts, these feelings even.

This. Nothing more required.

Geese appear high over us,
pass, and the sky closes. Abandon,
as in love or sleep, holds
them to their way, clear
in the ancient faith: what we need
is here. And we pray, not
for new earth or heaven, but to be
quiet in heart, and in eye,
clear. What we need is here.
~ Wendell Berry

Much love,
Grace
P.S. A few spots left in autumn retreat and half-day living turnarounds group has room for 4 more.

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How to find out what you’re really hungry for–being an investigator for your own freedom

We’ve all heard the question: What are you really hungry for?

I’m not talking about food of any kind.

This is what feels hungry within, perhaps at the deepest soulful level.

For me, eating seemed to handle strong emotions of any kind.

Sad? Let’s eat. Depressed? Let’s eat. Hopeless? Let’s eat. Rage? Let’s eat. Thrilling excitement? Let’s eat.

My eating was war-like because my thinking was war-like and oppositional and fearful, and so were my feelings.

Eating was grounding, a way to push the pause button. You have to slow down to chew and swallow, and enter a world of doing something for apparently “no reason”.

When I was eating, I wasn’t doing something “good” or getting tasks done from my endless to-do list, or saving the world, or writing a book, or even being good.

I was simply focusing and taking in for myself alone, and processing my troubled thoughts in a way (although, not permanently).

So instead of feeling so upset and ashamed at how rotten and selfish I was, and entering the self-criticism mode about me….

….I connected with others so that I could talk, share, express, and say what I was troubled about. And oh boy was I troubled.

I had deeply stressful thoughts about careers, jobs, bosses, work, money, survival, pain, fear of hurt, family, relationships, mother, father, sisters, competition, being left out, feeling muted.

What brought me the greatest freedom, was beginning to look at each of these experiences of suffering in my past.

Eating peace is born from thinking peace.

The most simple, lazer-sharp way to do it that I’ve found is with The Work of Byron Katie.

Find one troubling experience, and begin today. It can feel frightening, but it’s better than pushing it down with food, I can guarantee it.

P.S. Four day Mental Spring Cleaning Retreat. We’ll be clearly identifying what’s felt so painful in our experience, and with the power of The Work of Byron Katie and our slowing down, we’ll discover answers that were waiting inside us the whole time. For more information visit HERE.
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Let’s do The Work on Eating, Food and Our Bodies….and Wake Up to Reality

Five months, fourteen lessons, two live calls per month (short break at end of January). Let’s honestly investigate our eating battles.

I’ve been so incredibly, profoundly moved by the people attending the Eating Peace complimentary Webinars this past week. There’s one more webinar. Today at 8 am Pacific Time. Join me HERE for the webinar. No opt-in necessary.

It’s almost the same information and slides for the webinar, and yet….a totally different offering every time. Can’t wait to see what will happen today.

I’ll share the seven primary beliefs or “stories” I find running in people (and myself) that caused disruptive eating, and no possibility of eating peace. You can question these seven stressful beliefs along with me through the webinar.

What a learning experience for me to offer this multiple times recently.

People have had many questions! How do I do this work? Should I sign up for this Eating Peace Immersion? What’s right for me? How do I inquire and use The Work in my life for eating issues beyond this webinar?

So many good questions.

I’m getting ready to launch into a 5 month program and honestly, haven’t been clear on the depth and length of the Eating Peace Process. So I want to share about what it is, how to sign up, what to expect, how to get involved.

I also want to share with you what you can do if you do NOT sign up for the Eating Peace Process. Because of course, not everyone can, and healing is possible for anyone and everyone–you don’t actually ultimately need a program.

Freedom is….free.

So read on to find out what you can do if you really want to move past these eating wars at a root level.

For those of you interested in Eating Peace Process Immersion:

I’ve said that Eating Peace Process runs from November through January…and yet, what we’ll be doing is sharing live inquiry calls and direct coaching in this work through the end of April 2018.

What IS offered from November through January are the recorded lessons and educational presentations on this whole system of eating peace. They’ll all still be available for watching through April, so they don’t go away, it’s just that no NEW presentations appear. The amount of presentations included in the Eating Peace Process over the first 10 weeks of Eating Peace Process are plenty.

I’ve gathered information through interviewing people, watching my own process of healing happen, and applying The Work of Byron Katie to these very stressful eating experiences. Gathering this information has taken several years. Or maybe thirty, LOL.

I’ve organized, condensed, and included what I thought was necessary for understanding when it comes to eating, and our perceptions of having a body that appears to gain and lose weight, or a mind that does the same–thoughts, feelings, wars, despair, frustration.

I wanted to include everything stressful that ever crossed anyone’s mind when it comes to eating or weight or compulsive seeking. I wound up with four distinct modules, and a handful of lessons for the program within each one.

The Eating Peace Process has four modules: Mind, Feelings, Body and Living It. Inside each module are 4 or 5 lessons. These lessons are from 45 – 80 minutes each, all offered via webinar, so you watch and listen, and do the exercises, all on your own time. It’s a lot of information and communication, yes. And, I found my mind was so filled with chatter, noise, screaming, self-criticism….it could have filled volumes to address the chaos. This guided information has been powerful. You can pause the lesson anywhere, rewind, or complete the exercise suggested. You get to do them on your own time.

There are literally 14 weeks of lessons: 14 topics of importance that seem like important puzzles of the eating peace process, at least for me every one counted. Each topic addresses significant factors I found I needed to look at and investigate with my mind when it came to eating or compulsive behavior, to find freedom and peace.

I had soooooo many uncomfortable and stressful beliefs that needed to be questioned. (We all do, right?)

These are the common factors, the global viewpoints that feel painful but keep eating battles in place, like “I need to look good” or “eating brings me comfort” or “I’ll never figure this out” or “I can’t handle this situation/feeling” or “this is urgent” or “my body looking the way it does means_____”.

We have past situations that were painful when it came to eating and food. Sometimes all the way back in childhood, sometimes from last week. We have entire family systems that include beliefs passed on from previous generations, all of them leading to emotional eating disruption.

All I know is….eating almost killed me. Or so it seemed. My world was filled with thoughts about eating, food, my body and all that was wrong with the entire experience. It was despairing, and awful.

Not everyone has such a dramatic story as I did. Some people are constantly plagued by the desire to lose 20 pounds, others are binge-eating and purging, others are starving themselves for days followed by uncontrollable eating. I was hospitalized, in therapy for years, and desperate when it came to food. I couldn’t find a thing peaceful about any of it.

And then, something shifted. And then shifted again.

The most important thing about seeking eating peace is that it is possible to find it.

People think it isn’t.

The discouragement is so intense, so deep, so on-going, people think they will never find a sense of peace when it comes to food and need to stay on a diet forever.

You may be one of these people.

I thought I was one of those people.

But I KNOW peace is possible for you, for me, for anyone who suffers from out-of-control behavior with eating, food, bingeing, thinking.

It’s not exactly easy and not necessarily a quick fix–which is why we will be meeting for five months for those of you enrolling in the Eating Peace Process. It is possible to stop the insanity through questioning your mind. And yet, how interesting there are no guarantees. No promises.

Which brings me to what’s possible for those of you who can’t or won’t sign up for the program starting this next week–here’s your solution: Question Your Thinking.

Identify your thoughts, especially in the moments you start to eat. Write them down. Stop them on paper.

Answer these questions honestly, without editing yourself. Keep a journal: Why are you eating? What’s going on? What are you afraid of? What are you worried about in your life? What do you think the act of eating will provide? What will it give you? What would you have, if you had the thinner body you dream of? What are you seeking? What else do you want, besides food? What’s missing in this moment? What isn’t satisfying for you right now?

If you sat with any of these questions, and perhaps got a supportive friend to sit with you to explore your answers, then you might be shocked at what you can discover, what you become aware of, what you realize.

This is self-realization through the path of eating. (Ha ha, I know this sounds a bit mad–some people find God or Peace through the oddest means….like food).

Eating wars were really my path to self-realization.

Someone wrote to me recently who I don’t know and he asked “have you ever suffered?”

The place that came to mind, as I contemplated his interesting question, was with eating. So many incidents of eating that led to torture, sickness, self-hatred, even suicidal thinking and not wanting to be alive.

What I realize though, is my mind was filled with tortured, sick, hateful, dead thoughts. My mind was suffering, not the whole of me.

The good news?

I could question those thoughts, and turn them around. You can too.

Who would you be without your stressful stories?

If you want to join with others to investigate in-depth the compulsion to overeat, undereat, focus on the body, think about food….then join me for this winter-to-spring journey to understanding eating peace.

We begin with the first live call on November 14th, and the last live call is April 26th. You can choose Tuesdays, or Thursdays, for the live calls–and they are all recorded–so you don’t absolutely HAVE to attend live. You can attend both if you really want to. No one turned away on any call.

This program includes 14 lessons in exploring and studying eating woes and agony, and the important topics I’ve found that help heal them. You’ll be doing your work, and sharing in your process with others and with me.

To find out more and to sign up for Eating Peace Process this year, click HERE. If you have more questions and want to see what it’s like to share a presentation from me (which is similar to what’s inside the Eating Peace Process program) then come to the complimentary webinar today or listen to it later via recording (the same link will work as the recording about 30 minutes after the live session is completed today).

If you have any specific questions you’d like answered, feel free to hit reply to this email and ask me.

Thank you for joining me in such a powerful, important, deep journey to find home, peace and rest when it comes to eating, food and our bodies.

“There are sincere men and women who want to be free of suffering. I was one of those without realizing it. I tested what would happen if I didn’t respond to the thoughts of ‘I want’, ‘I need’, I shouldn’t’, ‘I should’…None of these thoughts could stand up to inquiry. You could discover this even if you tested it for just twenty-four hours with one meal…the I-know mind would say ‘this isn’t enough nourishment; I’m still hungry; I’m too weak; I’ll get sick; I’ll die.’ But when you allow each thought to be met with ‘is it true?’ life will show itself to you.” ~ Byron Katie

I often believed my thoughts that said I would die without more food, I have to eat, I shouldn’t eat this, I should eat that, I need to weigh x, I need to be thinner, I want to keep eating, I’m unable to stop, I can’t be happy unless….and on and on and on.

 

Who would we be without these stories?

 

Free. At peace. Slowly but surely….enlightening ourselves to what’s true, what’s possible. Returning to innocence when it comes to eating.

 

No longer hungry for what isn’t, but instead comfortable and willing to be (and maybe even loving) what is.

 

I’d love you to join me in Eating Peace if it’s right for you. I’ll close enrollment to the program by noon on November 14th, so we can begin our live calls and move from there.

 

Can’t wait to be with all of you who are drawn to this process during the winter, holiday season when people often eat even MORE than usual. Let’s see if we can eat study peace in the midst of feasting traditions…shall we?

 

Yes, we’ll meet the morning of Thanksgiving in the USA for our usual 8 am call. What a great day to begin with inquiry and wondering if what we’re thinking is actually true!

 

Maybe it’s not.

 

Much love,

Grace

Webinar link is HERE.

Eating Peace Process Program Info is HERE.

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Slow as Molasses: The first belief to stand on to change your eating

My grandma used to comment and shake her head and my three sisters and I if she was taking us out……
“Slow as molasses”.
She always had a twinkle in her eye, and loved going on adventures.
The other day, I thought of her as I was spending some time with a little ebook I’ve written in the past, updating and changing it and adding to it.
I wanted to bring you an exercise you can do every single day for seven days….after considering the seven tricky and common beliefs people (including me) think that tend to keep us conflicted and in the middle of eating wars, not so much eating peace.
I like easy step-by-step recipes. Not long ago, I downloaded a lovely seven days of different green smoothies, and it made trying a new smoothie each day for seven days so incredibly easy! I wanted to give you a sense of one small thing you can do each day too, to help with self-inquiry and eating issues of any kind. To download the updated Eating Peace guide, click here. (Feedback welcome).
I know following a process isn’t always easy, when it comes to the mind. The mind is so fast, and so full. But that’s what I love so much about The Work of Byron Katie.
It’s a way to focus on one specific single dilemma, conflict, or painful belief, and explore it to see if it’s really true for you….step-by-step. What a relief to follow the directions, and investigate, and find the turnarounds.
Today, I made a video for you to share about exploring the very first painful belief I share in the Eating Peace eguide: Urgency.
I used to eat super fast. When I binged, I had a constant flow of energy to get more, more, more. Hardly tasting the thing I was currently eating before grabbing for the next bite.
Even slow graze-eating all evening, I would have a restless buzzing where I couldn’t stop. Or at least, I believed I couldn’t.
Believing there was a deep imperative need to go as fast as possible (fear, anxiety, demand, forcefulness) for many years blocked me from seeing many other thoughts I had that I might have been able to question, had I slowed down for two seconds.
To keep it simple, we’re only beginning with this extremely common shout the mind sometimes screams from inside, for speed. I used to feel like it was an emergency unless I ate something, or that there was no way I could calmly and slowly chew my meal. I ate literally walking out the door sometimes, and often in my car.
What could it offer, to slow down and be willing to see what else is happening with food, with my mind, with feelings, and with my contact with reality, besides responding to an emergency?
Almost always, my emergency was about relationship, the past, the imagined future, uncomfortable feelings, or self-criticism. When I slowed down my Emergency Switch, I began to understand more what was going on inside me that my eating reflected.
We can keep it simple. Join me here to wonder about the turnaround (hint: being slow). You can start practicing it today, if you follow along with the guide!

Eating Peace Process, a very in-depth high touch program to address all aspects of life with mind and food, is coming in only one month. Stay tuned to watch for my signature free live webinars on eating peace November 4th, 7th and 9th to learn more about how to bring this practice into your daily life, and find out about the immersion program. To read more about it, visit here. If you have questions, email me at any time grace@workwithgrace.com.
Much love,
Grace
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Eating Peace: Two physical sensations worth questioning, for your eating freedom

Have you ever noticed the deep self-criticism (or self-pride) you might feel because you’re full, or you’re hungry?

Fullness and hunger are two states of physical sensation when it comes to eating and the body.

Some of us who have pushed the boundaries super far on these conditions have felt the pain….of both extremely stuffed with food, or extremely hungry for food.

We all know we’d like to avoid either extreme. It’s natural to want to be somewhere more in the middle, and more relaxed. If it was easy to simply remain in the middle, without swinging to extremes, we would.

Something about this isn’t easy, when it gets thrown off balance.

One way you can find some insights on your own beliefs about these states of sensation, is to judge them relentlessly. See what you really believe about yourself when you’re super hungry, or super full (or about anyone else when they are).

What does fullness mean about you, as a person? (It’s often really horrible, but sometimes good, I know).

What does hunger mean about you, as a person? (Also horrible, but sometimes good, for other reasons).

When you identify your most painful thoughts about either one of these conditions, you might find some surprising beliefs come forward into awareness.

The good news, is you can then question these thoughts using The Work of Byron Katie.

Is it true, for example, that you’re “good” when you’re hungry, and “bad” when you’re full?

Really consider it. I used to “know” it wasn’t true, but I’d act completely like it was, and something believed it at a very deep level.

Who would you be without your story, your judgment, your assessment, your belief?

There’s great freedom in wondering who you’d be without your story of hunger and fullness. You might get to experience these sensations like you’re feeling them for the very first time. Like they are sacred, interesting messages, worthy of paying attention to….over the mind’s thoughts to ignore them.

Much love,

Grace

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Eating Peace: which comes first…hating yourself, or eating?

Many years ago, my eating wars grew so heavy and awful, I dropped out of college.

I actually shifted gears entirely, and began to do what was critical for my own well-being. Researching, attempting to understand, learning how to be honest and intimate with other people and with myself (it took awhile of practice), and questioning my beliefs

One of the most powerful beliefs I had?

I’m a terrible person, worthy of hatred.

I know that sounds strong, but it was that intense. I was horribly self-critical. I could do nothing right, especially when it came to food, eating, exercising and having a worthy body.

Later, I realized, the whole cycle of self-hatred and eating were intimately woven together.

I ate, so I would hate myself, so I would eat to soothe or have a small crumb of relief or pleasure, which would turn into more and more, so I would hate myself and starve and punish myself for the binge.

Nothing ever seemed peaceful or balanced when it came to eating.

Being in a hotel room reminded me of a night with myself long ago, in a hotel room, the night I dropped out of college.

Here’s what it was like for me, along with my biggest suggestion (stop hating yourself and start wondering what’s going on in a more kind, loving way):

M

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Eating Peace: You need a plan…but are you sure you need THAT kind of plan?

It can feel like such a relief to know what to expect.

Perhaps you’re about to visit a new country, and you’ve read tons of books and talked to many people about how to navigate and have the best time when you’re there.

Planning can be fun.

But are you planning, organizing, analyzing, gathering data, or mapping things out so you can Not Be Scared?

I used to notice that going on a diet (the plan to do it, at least) would provide some relief for sure. I’ll get this thing under control. I’ll handle, or manage, this situation and no longer be whacko when it comes to food.

This can happen with far more than only food and eating issues.

I’ll get this particular thing together and squared away, and I’ll be OK. I don’t care if I suffer, or if it hurts. I’ll start x and stop y.

But what if you could relax with not knowing what’s next, or what will happen tomorrow, or how this whole thing unfolds? What if you could come back to right now, today, and see if what you’re looking for….or even relief, peace, quiet, gentleness, and love are all here in this moment.

Without having to know anything about what’s going on tomorrow.

Here I share what it’s like to inquire into the stressful thought “I need to know….”

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Eating Peace: Will your eating cause disease or early death? Are you sure?

Lack of eating peace comes along with more places than trying to be thin, have you noticed?

Sometimes, people experience great stress with eating that has nothing to do with thinness….but instead contains anxiety about perfect health, or longevity, or cancer prevention.

It’s no way to live, with such stress about certain foods, and the dictate to eat broccoli constantly, so you’re safe, and healthy!

(Although I do love broccoli, but let’s not get carried away).

Today, I offer you an interesting exercise that you might think is taking things a little too far: looking at the worst that could happen.

What is it (in your opinion)?

What are you most afraid of?

What pictures come to mind when you believe you need to prevent that future dreadful image of The Worst?

Watch here, and let me know how it goes to see who you’d be without your stressful story of eating and health.

By the way, I mention a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet in this video. You can download one for yourself right HERE.

Much love, Grace

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What if you dropped the thought you need to lose weight (GASP)!?

If you live far away or can’t attend this in-person workshop, I’ve had lots of requests for an online mini-retreat in Eating Peace. These are generally a modest fee, and 3 hours online (audio only). If you’ve never done something online for 3 hours….you’ll probably be amazed at how the time flies. You can set it up for yourself from your own home and create uninterrupted time for yourself.

I’m taking a poll for your favorite option. Head HERE if you’d like to vote.

One of the biggest, grandest, big-behemoth stressful thoughts that lead to stressful eating?

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!!

This can be a constant thought, returning every time you gain weight or are at your “highest” weight or on the upside of the roller coaster ride, or when you see yourself in the mirror randomly and you normally don’t even think this thought.

It’s very stressful.

The thing is, we think we NEED this thought in order to be inspired or motivated to be thin. We think we have to be aggressive and intense with our minds.

How could we possibly give up this thought? How could we give up the thought we need to fix something, anything…whether weight or some kind of behavior around health and the body. I need to exercise, I need to eat healthy, I need to read every label, I need to do it right, I absolutely must appear “thin”.

It’s true! It’s true!

But what if you allowed that thought to settle down a moment and you didn’t have it?

What many people find, is a little more to look at.

Wow…what if I gave this up? Then what? I notice I still want to be more balanced, more peaceful with eating and food and this body.

What if it’s my thinking that needs to lose weight….especially about this whole weight loss thing?

If I had taken weight loss and thinness less seriously when I was 8 years old (the first time I was alarmed that I might be too fat) I might not have even moved in the direction I moved.

I may not have even developed an eating disorder or a yo-yo eating plan, or starvation vs stuffed. Although, I am now incredibly and deeply grateful for having that disorder because it was so extreme, it brought me to my knees which ultimately was an incredible give of letting go of control.

What a painful story it is to need to lose weight….but if you find yourself thinking it, you might begin to wonder why you have it so strongly?

What would you have, if you had this lower weight? What would it give you? What is your identity saying is required, for happiness?

If you were given the choice to have peaceful, simple, beautiful, loving eating for the rest of your life….with zero weight loss….would you take it?

If you say “no” then you might want to dig a little deeper into why you believe you need to keep this suffering. Just saying.

Much love, Grace