He cheated on me. I was betrayed. She abandoned me.
This orientation to partnership is very common.
Many times, in working with others about romantic relationships, they will speak these words.
I love the way the word “cheated” comes up.
People use this word to describe going off diets (I cheated on my diet) or money (he cheated me out of my fair share) or love.
When you use the word “cheated”….
….about anything…
….you are sitting right in the center of pain.
You are shouting from the rooftops that YOU are WRONGED, that you are worthy of being cheated on, that you are damaged.
I know it hurts. I do understand. I’ve had the very same thoughts!
But inquiring and seeing, with more open eyes instead of the eyes of a victim, can be the most liberating thing ever.
People will say “I can’t let go of how hurt I was” like it means they will lose a battle.
If you say this, you may be losing already, you may be in a battle getting beaten to a pulp, so you may as well look more closely and see.
Let’s do it!
He or she cheated on you.
Is that true?
Yes! Disaster! Life story changed! The most terrible horrible thing happened! The worst that I could imagine came true!
But who would you be without the belief that it is even possible to be cheated on?
Weird, I know.
It’s such a long, abiding story of lover relationships. We guaranteed to remain true to each other, only, and never change our minds.
(Impossible to guarantee anything, have you noticed?)
But really. What if it was not cheating? What if there was no such thing?
What if there was simply human being moving from here, to over there, following their own impulses or desires or interests?
Can you really vow to never have a thought, a desire, an attraction towards more than one person….
….or even if you naturally keep this vow just because of the way you are without trying….
….can you really expect or demand that someone else sees only you 100% of the time without any smithereen of an interest in anyone else?
Who would you really be without the belief that you need that person’s attention, love, desire, commitment or vow?
Wow.
For me, the freedom was at first frightening. And then, incredible.
Natural. Soaring.
What if the thing that happened with someone else is an invitation to something even better, different?
What if you could find something brilliant in the experience, even of your own imagination moving towards someone else when you’re apparently in a committed relationship?
What if you used all this as exploration, curious development, wonder?
When I was in a committed relationship once, I watched myself get sparked by another (in horror and guilt some of the time, when I was believing the old relationship thoughts).
When I cut the control, stopped trying to hide it like it was a sin or something, I noticed the deep lack of integrity within my thinking….
….but also the joy in celebrating the beauty I saw.
For me, I brought the conversation very openly to my current partner, who I loved and adored, and as it turned out, we became closer than ever. The intimacy got deeper between us.
I mostly learned about myself and seduction, fun, romance, connection and all the variations it can take….sometimes unexpectedly.
What I noticed was I loved clarity, honesty, no secrets, including my own.
What if you were completely and totally free?
“By watching your mind, you will notice that it is engaged in the process of trying to make everything okay….When you see the mind telling you how to fix the world and everyone in it in order to suit yourself, just don’t listen….free your energies so you can free yourself. Right in the midst of your daily life, by untethering yourself from the bondage of your psyche, you actually have the ability to steal freedom for your soul. This freedom is so great it has been given a special name–liberation.” ~ Michael Singer
If you’re wanting to finding love, romance, sexuality, connecting, bonding, enmeshing, or break-ups….
….and the “problems” they’ve brought you to bring liberation instead….
….then join me in the 8 week teleclass Our Wonderful Sexuality starting next week on Thursdays. 10 am Pacific/1:00 pm Eastern/6:00 pm UK. Click HERE to register or write grace@workwithgrace.com with questions.
Much love,
Grace