I look forward to next First Friday on January 1st, New Year’s Day, 2021 7:45-9:15am Pacific Time. Mark your calendar now for the experience of questioning one painful situation in your life from 2020.
When we question one difficult experience, and begin to understand it with loving kindness, who knows what can happen with anything else we’ve thought of as painful?
To make sure you get the zoom link, watch in upcoming Grace Notes or save this email and join me here.
Speaking of questioning just ONE difficult experience….
….When I first encountered The Work, I came to it, I thought, because of one excruciatingly painful experience I felt was looming over me.
The experience had produced the most desperate shame, nausea, and an inner anxiety–panic really–about loss and death and ending all hope for the future.
I was investigating the experience of having an abortion.
It was unbelievably haunting at the time.
(If you want to read much more about abortion specifically, I’ve written a bit about it over the years–you can search on Grace Notes blog site for any key word and find Grace Notes from the past about any topic here).
I kept seeing all the steps of how that life condition had unfolded, how strange that it went the way it did with that decision. I felt guilty and horrified, but most of all full of despair.
All kinds of beliefs were present around that situation in my life.
Wanting to please someone else (the father) more than doing what felt right within. Terrified of the future and that I couldn’t do it alone. Feeling damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. Believing living in a body was the only way for a happy and full life for any human being. Thinking of myself as a murderer. Believing I was doomed.
Except.
I began to learn, with The Work of Byron Katie and that early inquiry….that the way I was thinking might have gaps of untruth in it. (Or, be entirely based on nothing that could be proven).
How can you know if what you’re thinking is not really true, or not allowing a full picture or clarity to enter your situation?
Well, one simple way you know you’re believing something false, for you, is you feel bad; frustrated, uncomfortable, angry, terrified, nervous, anxious, sad, annoyed, desperate.
I like knowing that if I feel troubled, I’m believing something that’s not actually true for me…no matter how repeatedly I might be thinking it to myself.
When I was reviewing that “terrible” situation in my life that led to abortion over and over, I’d panic.
Until I did The Work and understood, just a wee tiny bit, that the situation might not be as tragic as I was thinking.
It doesn’t mean I don’t think it was a deeply painful, or that I condone it. But I’m at peace with that experience where I still feel the grief, but knowing I learned something very important about unconditional love for all of life, including myself, by studying the pain there.
Some kind of crack into peace occurs with every situation I take through the self-inquiry process.
The mental energy settles down. There is an awareness of presence, of being here now. There is a feeling of rest and unclenching that flows instead of getting stuck.
A situation may not become resolved entirely, but the perspective I’ve been holding isn’t trapped forever in a repetitive noise of the same tune endlessly playing (like when an annoying or sad song gets stuck in your head).
Bottom line: when I do The Work, something shifts in the mind and the interpretation I’m holding about whatever it is I’ve found so troubling.
Huge relief.
Which brings me to a weird point I wanted to share, kind of a question really.
Why is there so much resistance sometimes to actually DOING The Work?
I mean, if it’s so freeing, why would I not do it when I feel upset?
People report this resistance, and I get the same thing going on inside of me. It goes something like this:
1) Difficult news, conversation, incident or happening occurs
2) Brain/Thinking starts making meaning out of it–and leans towards danger, protection, worst case scenarios, fear
3) It’s personal, “I” need to think of a plan–a way out, a way to peace, a way to get free, a way to find safety
4) Mind gets busy with the plan, rather than questioning the original story. “I’m too busy figuring out how to stay safe to do The Work right now”.
5) We return mentally to the scene of the crime over and over and rehash and try to make it go “right” rather than “wrong”, retroactively. It’s all about survival.
6) Nothing about our perspective actually changes.
I find without questioning my beliefs when I feel down or depressed, I keep repeating the same stories, feelings, behaviors. It looks like compulsion, addiction, analysis, rumination, bad dreams, avoiding, playing the same thoughts on repeat.
Sigh.
Don’t be discouraged, though.
Even simply pausing for a moment without saying something “should” or “shouldn’t” have happened in the past, present or future….can bring a sliver of peace.
Noticing that without a thought–and even with a thought–we are here, present, aware, alive whether we “get” what’s going on or not.
Another new moment is here.
Potential. Pausing.
Being here without waiting. Taking a deep breath. Exhaling entirely.
Feeling the silence around and inside everything.
If you are interested in stepping into The Work regularly by pausing, then taking your stressful thinking through four questions and finding turnarounds, there’s an unusual window coming up for people to join Year of Inquiry (several have requested it, so why not).
We meet Tuesdays at 9am PT, Wednesdays at Noon PT, Thursdays and 5pm PT and Saturdays at 8:30am PT. We also meet monthly on Fridays to discuss The Work instead of doing The Work–always amazing conversations.
You can begin with our small-but-mighty group on January 5th. To do this, you must join by January 4th to get on board and oriented.
Doing The Work is not a one-and-done type of deal.
It seems we need to get the hang of practicing, having the four questions and turnarounds sink into our experience.
At least, that’s what has worked best and most and steadily for me. Following the practice step-by-step, like meditating daily if possible. No “should” or “have to” just pondering and letting the mind wake up one thought at a time.
If I could heal the pain of an unexpected pregnancy and abortion, I found I could heal the way I related to all decisions. I could heal the way I spoke to others. I could heal my heart. I could heal the way I ate. I could heal the self-condemnation and depression and worry.
What a huge relief.
If you’d like a loving community of fascinating people practicing the end of stress and the openness to freedom through The Work, join me in our Year of Inquiry program.
While the program is set up to offer people an entire year of practice and support–which brings rich friendships and clarity into our lives–you can join month-to-month when you start at one of these openings during the year.
Each month, we study a new quite general topic (and you can also work with absolutely anything stressful for you, this is your program).
January is “money” month.
Read more and sign up here. If you’d like more details about YOI schedule long-term and the monthly topics, read about the schedule here.
If you need financial assistance please click the button once you get to the page to learn about YOI and you can apply for help.
“Year of Inquiry has worked. The times are great and I like that it’s all the calls plus a week off a month. No burnout. Nice to be able to listen to recordings. Grace is organized with the technology and it works. I do like our Slack forum for keeping connected. YOI has been a positive experience for me.” ~ Participant
And if this is biting off more than feels right to chew, come for the fun on New Year’s Day (no charge).
Can’t wait to get started in 2021 with a new year, a new week, a new day, a happy new moment with new possibilities every now, and now, and now.
“If you want to enter a state of grace, question the assumption you’re defending right now.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love,
Grace