There’s nothing for me so fun and wondrous as hanging out with a group of people committed to self-inquiry…
…all people willing to deal with their pain about life, whatever it’s been.
Or willing to be willing. Just a drop.
Open to considering the ordeals we’ve endured, and question our relationship to them.
I got to be in this kind of atmosphere through retreat this past week for six days straight. I also get to be in this kind of powerful energy inside Year of Inquiry and Eating Peace and First Friday (which, by the way, is in 2 days–find out more here) and only every single person I work with.
In so many ways, it seems like awareness comes easiest when the mind comes alive with questions rather than answers, when feeling stressed:
Is it true? What do I want? What am I against? What’s missing? What do I wish never happened?
The people who came to retreat last week were all so wise brilliant, each and every person.
As people shared, I could see the images of their stories in my own mind.
Isn’t that amazing how that happens?
The mind shows a picture immediately by hearing words spoken and ideas expressed, even though we weren’t even there.
I could see in each moment everyone’s small squares on the screen, their backgrounds or their rooms and environments, their sweet faces up close or far away on a chair, or perhaps only their names printed on the screen with video turned off.
What I loved about it all is noticing that being in person, face to face, is not required for this mind to have insights.
Yes, it is beautiful to be near people. It is precious to be in someone’s physical presence. It is amazing to have touch, energy, smell, up-closeness.
And, it is not required for inquiry, for healing, for compassion, for unconditional love.
One of my favorite things about The Work is that you can do it by yourself, and of course on zoom.
You can do it in writing, you can contemplate all by yourself in silence.
There’s constantly a part of us watching closely, considering, taking in the world and wondering about it and about past and future images.
During retreat I noticed a thought arise in myself that’s familiar and old and stressful.
Tom, my amazing co-facilitator, was facilitating someone in a wonderful, fascinating, different way.
And then, “he is doing this inquiry with that person better than me”.
LOL.
Good grief.
Will that voice never end?
And yet…noticing if I’m not against it, what could it teach?
What does it have as a gift, to offer?
Have you had this belief that someone or Those People have it better, do it better, live it better, feel better…anything “better” than you?
(I’ve heard people say they think this about Byron Katie and other thought-leaders and speakers and teachers).
Some of the folks who came to the retreat last week believed this strongly about others. People at their workplaces, their neighbors, those people of other races, those people with those other bodies that look different than mine, those people with that money, success, influence.
They have it better. I wish I had what they have. I’d be happier if I had that.
I know this is kind of strange to say given all the disruption and clarity coming out about race, but in high-school when I was surrounded by mostly black kids, I thought it was too bad I was white.
Believe me, I understand the privilege situation now. This was a microcosm in the midst of the greater society that wasn’t accepting and highly damaging for so many. But in my little 15-year old world, it was so much better to NOT be white.
In Eating Peace program we look at the body.
There are those other people with bodies that mean….attraction, power, appeal, safety. Those thin people. Oh didn’t I wish I had their bodies.
Then…things would be good. I’d be happy.
Just to pause at only one situation, one thought, one idea.
That’s better over there.
A wonderful thing to do with this is where my mind went when I had the thought arise during retreat.
Why am I thinking this? How so? How do I know what I’m observing is better?
My answers: it appears more useful, more successful in creating a shift, more powerful, deeper, more of service for someone.
Is it true? Can I really know that what I’m seeing is “better” over there than what’s apparently over here?
Can I be sure what I’m observing is Not Me? Am I interested in comparing?
No.
It’s OK if your answer is “YES!!!”
I’m just SURE if I had five million dollars like that other person, my life would be better….YES.
Can you absolutely know it’s true?
Are you entirely sure? Really?
What happens when you think that Other Person’s experience, appearance, condition, movement, behavior, status, situation is better than yours?
Agony. Despair at the lack of fairness. Disappointed.
I have a “goal” to be that Other Way. Some day. I’ll strive for it. I’ll find the missing piece. I’ll get there. I’ll never stop.
Isn’t this what it’s like while I diet my way to the perfect body, suffering the entire time, using willpower, resistance, force, deprivation, gripping?
I have visions of those amazing people doing it the “right” way. Not me. I may pull away from those fancy people, those thin people, those clear people.
Shame.
So who would you be without the belief “they are doing it better than me”?
Staying in the situation you’ve chosen to go more deeply into. Stay very close to that.
Without the belief “he’s doing it better” I realize I have zero evidence to support that. I know it’s once again, just a personal thought.
I open to the joy and receiving I experience as I look at that Other Person and see such loving movement, such skill, such exquisiteness.
I see the elements and qualities I absolutely adore in Tom, for example: steadiness, a sense of love pressing in, more yang. Aware I also have this kind of intensity–it appears when needed apparently.
In high-school: the aliveness, the joy, the dancing (which is so me), the wild….a full range of colors all magnificent.
In those people with those athletic bodies; the power, the intensity, the joy of climbing a mountain to the top. It doesn’t mean I have to climb the same mountain (never, will I ever).
In that one who apparently has millions: without the belief they have it better I’m noticing, laughing, delighting in what appears to be over there. Happy to see abundance!
Noticing I was believing I’m not inside that experience, when it’s right here IN my experience.
Such appreciation for What Is. The diversity, the spirit, the glory, the clarity, the wealth.
“I” don’t need it to be “mine”. It never actually is.
Wow.
Turning the thought around: I am the best right here, this one who is me in this moment. Nothing more. Nothing less.
They are not “better” in any disappointing or stressful way. They are themselves, and this is itself (I could even question that), and we are both on a fabulous, enticing path of expansion.
What I am here, is just right for now. This is it.
Nothing more, or different, or special required.
Who is the one observing anyway?
Seeing without assessing. Open mind.
Awareness.
Noticing there are no boundaries, no “final answers”, life is constantly in motion, a new segment beginning and ending and beginning again.
Life bountifully bubbling like a geyser at Yellowstone National Park.
Who would we be without our stories that say “that is better” or “this is worse” or “that is worse” or “this is better”?
A great rest and relaxation. Nothing more required. Joyful with what’s taken in. Learning from what I see.
Noticing the draw towards what happens that is displayed before me; that it’s just right, just close enough, coming and going in just the right amount. Passion, depth, music, solidness, connection, love, freedom.
Peace.
“When you are trained, like a great athlete, to immediately relax through your edges when they get hit, then it’s all over. You realize that you will always be fine. Nothing can ever bother you except your edges, and now you know what to do with them. You end up loving your edges because they point your way to freedom. All you have to do is constantly relax and lean into them. Then one day, when you least expect it, you fall through into the infinite. That is what it means to go beyond.” ~ Michael Singer
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Join me for First Friday in 2 days on the actual Second Friday (haha). We gather and do The Work from start to finish. Everyone and anyone welcome, no fee. Get the link on zoom here . 12/9 7:45am-9:15am PT.
P.P.S. Next retreat is on Relationships: Feb 4-7 and then Feb 14th 8am-11am daily for these five days. More info on this Valentine’s Renew, Reset, Retreat coming soon.