As I worked on updating the first webinar Orientation for Year of Inquiry day-before-yesterday, I contemplated the week ahead of greeting folks both new and returning to the program.
I also thought about how courageous people are to say “yes” to enrolling in Year of Inquiry with so much uncertainty in the conditions of the world.
A year is long. It’s soooo long.
We don’t know when we can come out of our homes. Houses are burning down. Hurricanes are building. Protests are in the streets. Kids are supposed to be starting school but are not. A virus is spreading. People have lost their jobs.
Holy Smokes! (Um, that would be literally where I live, from forest fires to the east).
Working away on my computer to get ready for Orientation, I glanced out my little cottage living room window at the smokey skies.
And then a thought that it’s true there’s too much uncertainty, in the future a six-month program or even month-to-month is better for this longer-term intimate group.
I had a dream that night after finishing the webinar slides.
A theme emerged: Not Finding It.
Dream. I’m invited to a potluck party in the mountains that’s part of a fundraising non-profit event, with my youngest sister. We drive far up into the green forest, several hours.
We arrive and join a gathering in the large open clearing of a very big ranch-style rambling house surrounded by forest. It’s a summer setting outdoors with seats, tables full of food offerings, fire pits, a low buzz of conversations.
Lots of families and lots of new people my sister and I have never met before. Hand shaking and people eager to help the cause (don’t ask me what the cause was, this is a dream).
Time passes.
Far off in the corner of my eye, I suddenly am shocked to see a very dear friend who is also a facilitator of The Work come through an open door at the side of the house, moving fast. He’s looking down and never glances over.
He takes only a few steps and grabs the door knob to another garage-looking small one-story building, and disappears into it. Careful to close the door behind him.
Wait, did I just see that? (I thought, in the dream).
Why is he here?
Does he know these people?
And where has my sister gone? I wonder what time it is?
Extremely curious and a little excited, I walk across the lawn and approach the door he had gone through and open it.
Inside is an open carpeted type room with at least twenty people gathered together, blankets and pillows sprawled everywhere, a cozy feeling–all people I’ve seen or met through The Work.
Friends. Facilitators. People who love to question their thinking.
Turns out there’s a retreat happening here and my friend had left the room to get a book to read a passage from it (which he had not found, so was returning empty-handed).
The room was reassembling as he returned, but some glanced up and saw me at the door.
Grace??!! YOU are here?! Whaaat??
They recognized me and were as surprised to see me as I was to see them.
I was invited to stay.
But I had to find my sister first and let her know. I guess she should drive the car we came in back home to the city by herself. I could figure out how to get back later (hmmm, will that be a problem)?
I went back out into the non-profit potluck gathering of friendly people–mostly strangers–to find my sister. Where did she go?
She was nowhere in the crowd.
Maybe I should call? I’ll text her. The buttons on my phone kept not working, or I’d hit the wrong one.
(You know those dreams where you can’t quite make the connection? Or you can’t quite get off the ground when you’re trying to fly? Or you can’t speak loud enough for someone to hear you?)
In any case, it was a cliff-hanger.
I woke up.
I was presented with an invitation to do The Work with remarkable people all of whom love this practice, all so curious and filled with awe about the human mind, and how to change their lives based on questioning their beliefs.
But me not quite able to go “in” without hesitation.
Too much uncertainty, disconnection, wondering where my sister (family) was, needing to make sure she’s OK and can get back home by herself and she knows I myself am changing plans.
Plus. More thoughts.
How did I not know that quiet gathering of all these amazing people was happening? Only a few hours drive from my home?
Have I been missing things? Missing communication?
Not Finding It?
Wow.
The feeling was so strong of confusion, wondering, and total surprise….”accidentally” falling into a welcome gathering I apparently traveled to without knowing I was traveling there….and also wondering how this could be?
Funny how the journey inward into “there” or “home” is uncertain, unexpected, surprising, doubtful, weird, unplanned.
The people who we join with show up unexpectedly and still we may need to decide before going all the way “in”.
So many considerations!
Dreams are quite fascinating.
Images, words, pictures, feelings.
It reminded me so clearly that imagery creates feeling, thoughts produce feelings.
Even if they are not real and we know they aren’t real.
We can KNOW something is a made-up story, and yet the body is reacting to the thought.
Movies, stories, dreams, videos, mental imagery.
We wake up from a dream (sometimes a nightmare) and our heart beats rapidly, our body feels full of tension or sadness or desire.
It’s processing through.
We’re still curious and often sorting through the dream afterwards, making friends with it (or wishing we would), pondering it.
I was deeply drawn to meditate on the vivid images in this dream, and notice the underlying theme of Not Finding It and Uncertainty.
An old familiar.
Is it true “I” don’t find it and the outcome is worrisome?
What are you looking for?
Whether it’s “truth” or “ease” or “abundance” or “connection” or “love” or “rest” or “peace” or “realization” or “enlightenment” or “support”?
Are you sure it’s missing?
Yes, yes, yes. That was weird in-between purgatorial type zone in the dream. I know that place. Not there, or here either. Floating.
Friends over there doing The Work happily together, beloved family connection somewhere in the woods amongst strangers.
Can you be sure something’s missing or dangerously uncertain–this sense of belonging? Or love?
No.
Is it true WE are supposed to be the ones finding something? Finding answers? Finding “home”?
Am I the seeker?
Uncertainty.
I asked myself this question: Is it OK you hang between choices, you don’t know the future, you can’t connect to the person you believe you should connect with (sister), you’re floating in a zone between a potluck fundraiser and a garage?
Is a Year really too long for inquiry?
LOL.
Who would we be without the story of uncertainty?
I wouldn’t need to know about the future.
I notice I already don’t, and never really have. Not the details at least.
Who would “I” be, or who would “it” be, or how would it be to not feel frightened or frustrated with the uncertainty?
Could it be OK, even peaceful, to not panic when I can’t make the contact I think is required?
Turning the thought around to the underlying belief called “Not Finding It” (Uncertainty).
I am finding it. I found it already. It’s here.
Something here is certain.
Only my thoughts don’t “find it”. My thinking loves to seek. My thinking can’t seem to decide, wants to make the “right” decision. Is pulled in many directions.
There is no need to go hunting.
What is here, is good.
Except for this thinking that runs, even in the dreamworld, things are simply unfolding the way they do.
Could it be that reality is friendlier than we *think*?
A little while after finishing the slide preparation, I had a conversation with a person I had not met before for twenty minutes or so, who was interested in Year of Inquiry.
She shared that she loves it is a whole year. The container is built to last awhile.
So I had a turnaround presented right in front of me.
A year is great for uncertainty. Who knows where the world will be in a year, over the course of life unfolding. Maybe we’ll be gathering together in person again. Maybe not.
I notice in this moment the joyful recognition that it’s OK to suddenly stumble upon the support we need.
Here we all are, and here we go, together.
Well, it’s apparently just right for me.
The groups, the connections, the learning.
Thank you for being on this journey with me and sharing the dance of connection and having a unique life that something is navigating, all while feeling the beat of “home”.
Growing that beat of home until it’s shining so brightly, it doesn’t matter if there’s no cell phone service, no Finding It. (Haha).
If you’re ready to serendipitously fall into the support of a group, then you can still jump on board the peace train in whatever form serves you best. It’s here for you.
For us.
One thing I love most of all is with Work of Byron Katie we’re not trying to get what someone else is believing or thinking or teaching is “right”.
We are our own teachers.
We’re the ones being with this mind and welcoming it–the one I’ve been given–to cherish and love unconditionally.
The Work is the only way I’ve ever known how.
Options:
a) Year of Inquiry train. This is Orientation week (ask me about partial scholarships if you don’t have employment–I was surprised at how few asked me about this for the year). A year of supportive connection and step-by-step with self-inquiry. It’s the same investment as one private 1-hour session per month when you pay in full (or 1.5 sessions per month for the monthly payment plan). Hit reply if you’re ready or have Q’s.
b) Relationship Hell to Heaven: for those navigating divorce, separation, break-up and the confusion or suffering we experience. Sundays starting Sept 17-Nov 15th (no session Oct 4th or Oct 18th). With the good Nadine Ferris-France a wonderful facilitator in The Work.
c) Fall retreat with Grace. Oct 15-18, 2020. 9am-Noon Pacific Time/ Noon-3pm Eastern Time/ 6pm-9pm European time. Three hours a day sliding scale enrollment. (Saturday is set for afternoon hours PT 2-5pm but if most people want earlier hours on Saturday then we will switch. All sessions recorded).
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Will send this out to Eating Peace mailing list soon. Can’t wait.