October 17-20, 2019. Autumn east coast retreat! Early bird by August 15th. We have a magnificent Amish style lodge a few miles from the pretty town of White Haven, Pennsylvania (I was there a month ago). Private rooms available, along with many beds in lofts and open spaces. Sign up here to reserve your spot and write grace@workwithgrace.com to choose your sleeping space. We’ll share meals.
Finally, I’ll be offering again the immersion online course (90 mins) Ten Barriers That Keep The Work From Working…And How To Dissolve Them 6 times more this summer! This is a deep dive into common blocks people bump into doing The Work, and then information and answering your questions about Year of Inquiry at the end. Sign up to reserve your space here.
- Weds, July 24 2019 4:00-5:30 pm PT/7:00-8:30 pm ET/ 8:00-9:30 am Japan
- Thursday, August 1 Noon-1:30 pm PT/ 3:00-4:30 pm ET/ 8:00-9:30 pm UK
- Tues, August 20 5:30-7:00 pm PT/ 8:30-10:00 pm ET/ 11:00 Australian Central Time on 8/21
- Thurs, August 22 9:00-10:30 am PT/ Noon-1:30 pm ET/ 6:00-7:30 pm Europe
- Tues, August 27 5:30-7:00 pm PT/ 8:30-10:00 pm ET/ 11:00am Australian Central on Weds 8/28
- Friday, August 30 9:00-10:30 am PT/ Noon-1:30 pm ET/ 6:00-7:30 pm Europe
The other day, I had the privilege of sitting in inquiry yet again with a group (it happened to be Summer Camp For The Mind).
The thought we were all looking at, offered by one of the people attending?
“I can’t do it.”
How many times have I had that thought?
Countless.
I can’t reproduce the joy I felt recently. I can’t make something stick (happiness, a relationship, a job), I can’t stop over-eating. I can’t stop being selfish. I can’t control my temper. I can’t talk to her. I can’t ask for a raise. I can’t ask for help. I can’t bring that difficult topic up to my partner, I can’t ask my child about that. I can’t be normal. I can’t tell a joke. I can’t handle this fear. I can’t make enough money. I can’t help that person. I can’t read all the good books in this one lifetime. I can’t lighten up. I can’t feel freedom and safety at all times. I can’t leave a legacy. I can’t control my feelings. I can’t awaken.
The thing I notice about pain and suffering that goes along with “I can’t” is that it seems only to arise when I’m comparing my situation to another previous situation in the past, or an imagined situation in the future, or when I’m comparing myself to someone else.
My good friend Lynne who I met at our first School for The Work says “comparison is the thief of joy”. I know that quote makes it rounds out there, but oh my comparison.
What a thief it can be.
And yet, the mind is genius at comparison.
So what am I supposed to do? Forget what happened last week, last year, ten years ago? Not notice the success or brilliance of someone else?
Too late, we notice.
But what we believe about the noticing, identifying what we’ve assumed it means, and my interpretation of the thing I noticed….that’s the key.
It happens so fast.
Once I came into a house through the front door where I was staying, sweating but chilled in my face after slowly jogging through the wintry streets of the city where I was staying one morning.
A woman, sitting in a cozy chair in the living room, looked up from her cup of coffee and said “Oh, you went running? Shoot, I should have been out there” and she sighed as if incredibly disappointed with herself.
Before she saw me, she was happily enjoying coffee with other friends all staying together. In an instant, the moment wasn’t good enough. SHE wasn’t good enough.
I often have people consider this belief “I can’t” who are in the Eating Peace program. You might consider this thought when it comes to any change of your own behavior, like eating, drinking, smoking, spending, obsessing, worrying.
You can’t (fill in the blank)….Is it true?
Let’s do it together.
My situation that I believe “I can’t” around is earning “enough” money.
I know, I know. I’ve done this one a thousand times already. I know I have “enough”. But I can’t earn MORE than enough, OK? It’s just not appearing to be possible. I can’t buy a new car, for example. And mine is rattling down the road and I’m a little embarrassed to give anyone a ride (although not really).
But you find your “I can’t….” that feels stressful, and maybe even terrifying.
Is it absolutely true?
You might answer yes.
It’s OK, keep going.
What happens when you think you can’t?
Wishing I’d go back to the other days when I could, or I wasn’t worried about this. Hoping for a miracle (and thinking a miracle is the only way). Not in the present moment. Flashing images of worse case scenarios.
Freaking myself out.
Without the belief, who would you be?
Without the belief “I can’t….” (for me, earn more than just enough)…
Noticing the beauty in the moment:
The soft chair, the quiet room, the trees waving in the breeze, the sidewalk and storefront with sun trying to peek from behind a cloud, the yellow glass candle holder on the railing.
Without the thought “I can’t” I’m here in inquiry, with other voices, sharing the process. I’m speaking. I’m feeling. There’s a life force here, running. Mixed feelings, and all is still very well, all is in motion.
Everything in motion.
This one being itself, that one being itself, everything being itself.
Turning it around: I can. My thinking can’t.
I can reproduce the joy I felt recently. I can make something stick (happiness, a relationship, a job), I can stop over-eating. I can stop being selfish. I can control my temper. I can talk to her. I can ask for a raise. I can ask for help. I can bring that difficult topic up to my partner, I can ask my child about that. I can be normal. I can tell a joke. I can handle this fear. I can make enough money. I can help that person. I can read all the good books I personally need to read in this one lifetime. I can lighten up. I can feel freedom and safety at all times. I can leave a legacy. I can control my feelings. I can awaken.
Why not?
Even if it’s in my imagination, the original stressful thought is also imagination.
So let’s have a little fun with imagination, shall we?
“A thought is harmless until we believe it.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love,
Grace
- Summer Camp for The Mind Online Inquiry
- Divorce Is Hell 8 week course Aug 18-October 13, 2019 Sundays 11 am PT/ 7 pm UK with Nadine Ferris France
- Year of Inquiry begins Sept 8, 2019–a whole year of monthly topics in The Work, and sharing inquiry together
- always free: First Friday inquiry power hour (90 mins) 7:45am PT
- Autumn Retreat is east this year in Pennsylvania Oct 17-20
- Winter Retreat at Breitenbush Tom Compton joining me Dec 5-8, 2019
- Eating Peace Annual Retreat Jan 15-20, 2020
- Spring Retreat May 13-17, 2020 Seattle
- June 9-14, 2020 Breitenbush Retreat Tom Compton joining me
Thanks Grace–actually reading it just shows how powerful those statements can be…Looking at those beliefs again and again are helpful. I find hearing something, reading it and doing it is so helpful Thanks for doing it that way–very helpful.
I find the same thing. The mind seems to really need repetition, especially when making a change. It truly is a practice. Thanks for your note. Much love, Grace
DEAR GRACE, TODAY’S GRACE NOTE IS OUTSTANDING. “I CAN’T” AND COMPARISONS WE MAKE ARE SO IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND AND WHY WE BELIEVE THOUGHTS JUST BECAUSE THEY SEEM TO BE TRUE. THE DIF. BETWEEN SUBJECTIVE FEELINGS AND OBJECTIVE ESTABLISHED FACTS MUST BE CLEAR IN OUR MINDS BEFORE WE DECIDE ANYTHING. BRAVA TO YOU AND THANKS FOR WALKING US THRU THIS PROFOUND TRUTH
You are so very welcome, Nancy.
Hi Grace – I’m wondering about two things. One is whether or not I may repeat the Ten Barriers session. I know that my greatest barrier is that because I have depression, the stressful thoughts that come to me most often are about me. Finding a different stressful topic for inquiry is often difficult when my thoughts are consumed with the depression pain. I’ve wanted to ask you about that. When I’m mired in depression and can’t find anything outside myself to do a JYN on, how to proceed; how to get unstuck? Anyway, I would still like to do the Ten Barriers again. If that’s ok, do we use the same phone number we’re currently using for Camp to join in? And I have the same question for the First Fridays offering. Same number? I thank you so very much for all that you do, Grace. Love, Dru
Hello Dru, Yes for First Fridays as well as this workshop, you would use the phone number always that you’ve been using for Summer Camp. For the Ten Barriers workshop I highly recommend not using your phone if possible and using the internet to connect with Broadcast. Then, you’ll be able to see the slides that go with the program–this particular program is visual, a webinar, not audio-only like the live inquiry work we do. So, if you have internet connection, use Broadcast and log in so you can see the slides. If not, that’s OK too. –Much love, Grace P.S. I’ll address depression. There are always thoughts associated with depression that are stressful, and these are important to identify and question.