Breitenbush Hotsprings retreat with Tom Compton and me here. Only 12 days away. There are actually just a couple of spaces (it’s often sold out by about now, so maybe there’s a spot because it’s for YOU). We begin the evening of Weds 6/12 at 7 pm and end Sunday 6/16 at lunch. Call Breitenbush to register 503.854.3320.
Have you ever felt like you have so many things going on, you begin to fantasize about quitting it all?
Dramatic pictures of leaving it all behind and living in a hut somewhere.
Except I know someone who did that and it wasn’t fun. At all. Mind came with her. And suffering. And hardship.
Really….what helps is inquiry and noticing “overwhelm” and the expectations the mind has for what must be accomplished.
- I should watch that learning video
- I should complete my homework
- I should finish watching the Pema Chodron meditation course
- I should re-watch the Michael Singer course and re-read Surrender Experiment (that was soooo good)
- I should be working on fall retreat location
- I should finish that spreadsheet
- I should be updating the website
- I should be getting things ready for Summer Camp and Year of Inquiry
This is only a tiny slight beginning that veered off into business-like tasks. There are so many other things I should be doing too.
Like dusting the house, cleaning out the fridge, and ordering the trigger balls I’m supposed to get for physical therapy (which is WORKING).
OK, just ordered those. It was something I could do in five minutes, right in the middle of this inquiry.
I love how we humans like small, tiny, incremental changes. We like what’s manageable, what we believe we CAN handle. Order those trigger balls? OK. Done.
There’s something sweet about it really. Something realistic, normal, middle way, simple.
But I should do all those things I think I should do.
Is it true?
Those things are required if I want success.
Is it true?
How do you react when you believe you should do all that stuff. You know the list. The endless list. If you accomplish one thing, the next thing appears.
When I believe I should…I scare myself.
And when I’m scared, I either give up/give in, I quit, or I attack something or someone and feel like a rebel.
In the Eating Peace Program that’s running right now, several participants have the belief “I should do all the lessons, homework, journaling, calls, absorb all that’s offered here.”
Others aren’t thinking this, they are sitting steady with it, doing what they can. Taking one bite at a time, chewing, digesting, and then moving on. Or not.
A balanced way of it.
I’ve had the endless thought I need to x, y, z in order to be truly successful with money. Right now I’m failing. I’m building a mother-in-law apartment for my actual mother in my back yard, and turns out I need to borrow money for it that I didn’t want to borrow.
Drama enters the vision of the future. I’ve ruined my debt-free existence, I’ve broken my promise to never borrow anything or go into debt again, I’ve added years and years of work or worry to my life, I’ll never retire, I’m a poor planner with money and projects.
My divorce changed my entire trajectory of life with money and that was such a shame it ever happened twelve years ago. Ugh.
I should, I should have, I shouldn’t, I should.
Me and money. A drama forever.
Is that actually true?
Sigh.
No.
How do you react when you believe you should or even in the past you should HAVE already?
Good lord.
We not only think we should be behaving, thinking, doing, accomplishing something NOW….but we also should be in the past, when it’s actually completely over.
How do I react?
Depressed, discouraged. Terrible images of the future. I’m 80 years old and working, and forgetting things because I have memory problems so I’m not helpful to clients and I’m on food stamps or a burden to others. I never saved for retirement, never achieved that success. I have images of a half-built MIL in the back yard, plywood, ugly eyesore reminding me of failure on a daily basis.
Cry.
I have images of what I expected with my life when I first had kids and got married, and how things have gone terribly downhill since then.
(Don’t worry, I know that is complete bull. These are the images though).
So who would I be without this story in the moment that I am not succeeding, and things are going wrong….and most importantly that I SHOULD be doing (or have done something) I am not?
Ha ha!
I’m just here, noticing.
The humor I have at such a deep abiding place of child-like joy suddenly appears again.
But even if you don’t have ANY humor (not yet) about your situation, just notice this moment now, without a belief that failure is happening, or the list should be ticked off.
Imagine.
This is the art of imagination.
So is believing your thoughts.
Mind imagines, that’s what it does. So let’s give it a more open, expansive, wondering story, a surrendered story.
Why not? In this world of duality, it’s just as possible to dream of not having a belief be true than to find proof it is true.
What are the turnarounds?
I don’t have to do anything. I even SHOULD NOT do anything on the list. I should do at all.
Perhaps just being, which I notice I am already.
Nothing missing. Breathing in this moment, even when money is taking a nose dive, even when my feelings are challenging, even when failure appears to be happening.
Being. Here.
Are there good reasons for not doing anything on the list? What are they?
I need to borrow more money than anticipated, and it’s a good things because….
….it keeps me in this amazing business of inquiry, where it’s my job to inquire and share and question. It keeps me connecting to others honestly about money issues (like the architect and the builder).
It brings me awareness of how what happened in the past, including divorce, was brilliant. So many endlessly good reasons for that to have occurred in my life. I wouldn’t be writing this note, nor have thousands of people reading this (which is shocking) if I had not gotten divorced. My world expanded times 10,000.
So did my capacity to earn money and work with money, and it’s still a work in progress, which is AH-MAZING! It feels limitless, slow, steady, just right…which is peaceful, supported.
I love the dear ones in Eating Peace program who are a part of the revolution of not dieting, not forcing, and inquiring for freedom–the new friends/clients/students sticking it out in the exploration of the unknown.
All of us finding our way together. A mystery of love, support, truth.
And each one who feels too overwhelmed, good for me for assisting in my improvements, my refining, my openness to sharing and shifting whatever needs to happen to support everyone’s freedom.
I also love the one who divorced me for giving me such an incredible gift of strength and finding how to stand on my own two feet, and be with others genuinely in ways I never thought possible.
What do you find today that you thought you should or shouldn’t be doing….that is not fundamentally true?
Who would you be without your story?
And if all you can do is notice….that’s enough. That’s plenty.
To listen or watch Peace Talk podcast, my guest this time is Nadine Ferris-France. One thing we both went through and applied The Work like gangbusters?
DIVORCE.
She and I will be teaching an 8 week course called Divorce/Break-Up is HELL: Is It True?
We love working with those who show up. Such an amazing opportunity for wild, unexpected change….really.
Listen to Nadine’s journey, on far more than transforming beliefs about divorce right here:
- June 27th East West Books evening 7-9 pm.
- June 12-16, 2019 Breitenbush Retreat with Tom Compton
- Summer Camp for The Mind Online Inquiry
- Divorce Is Hell 8 week course Aug 18-October 13, 2019 Sundays 11 am PT/ 7 pm UK with Nadine Ferris France
- Year of Inquiry begins Sept 8, 2019–a whole year of monthly topics in The Work, and sharing inquiry together
- always free: First Friday inquiry power hour (90 mins) 7:45am PT
- Eating Peace Annual Retreat Jan 15-20, 2020