Breitenbush Hotsprings retreat with Tom Compton and me here. June 12 evening-June 16 morning. 26 CEUs, 24 ITW credits. Call Breitenbush with any questions (if your Q’s are about curriculum, hit reply and I’ll answer). 503.854.3320.
I’m having a moment.
I think I must be the luckiest person in the world to have such a job as sitting with people sharing this process called The Work.
I just hugged goodbye on Sunday all the fascinating people who came to spring retreat in Seattle.
Honestly, I never know how exactly any retreat will turn out. I have an inner collection of exercises to bring out inquiry, and we move into them if and when it feels right.
It’s like taking the temperature of this unique group, in this place and time, and digging into the medicine of self-inquiry.
And all that’s ever truly needed is The Work. Identifying our thoughts, writing them down, answering four questions, finding turnarounds.
In this past spring retreat, we considered a profound question we can ask (it’s written about in Loving What Is) that helps identify our beliefs about the world:
What’s the worst that could happen?
Everyone began where they were: writing a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on that stressful moment rising to the surface–the one yelling “look at me! look at me!”
Then, once we had investigated some of our thinking about our situations, we looked at worse case scenarios that rose to the surface.
These are the conditions the inquirers found painful in the particular work they were doing….The Worst:
- the election goes a certain way, and my candidate loses and the other candidate wins
- all my co-workers think I’m weird
- I live in my childhood home for the rest of my life and never marry or have children
- I die alone in an apartment at an old age, and no one notices
- I can’t pay my bills
- The disease never goes away
- My partner leaves me for someone else
- I’m married but living a separate life across the country from my spouse
As I sat taking in everyone’s images during retreat of those difficult outcomes they feared, in popped an idea of my own:
I’ll never be successful like that.
(Fill in the blank for yourself. Partner, Body, Paycheck, Income, Job, Business, Stage Presence, Creativity, Leadership, Patience, Enlightenment, Speech-Giver).
I see that other option, the one where someone has “made it” in show biz, they’ve invented something brilliant, they’re a famous surgeon, they have a partner who’s amazing, they have a way with people that is unique and genius, they’ve found truth, peace, love, abundance….
….Not me.
I don’t have that (whatever it is).
Not successful. Didn’t make it. Picture of me having some gigantic bill due and no more capacity to work to earn any money.
This is terrible that it turned out this way.
Is it true?
Well, it’s true I didn’t do it THAT way (success image in my head).
But can you absolutely know it’s true that this terrible situation is All Horrible All The Time?
No.
How do you react when you think THIS is not good….THAT is much better, more successful.
Very disappointed. So sad. Like the air is let out of my sail, or out of the balloon. I’ll never have THAT, oh sad day. Pity for myself. Self-criticism or self-abuse: I never, I should have, I didn’t….
And I treat this moment, and me inside it, as if it’s not good enough.
A complaint.
Who would you be without your thought that this is terrible (that worse case scenario)?
Hmmm.
I’d notice, in my situation (end of life, no money, big bill) that things are extremely simple. Simple room, simple chair, not too many gizmos and gadgets around. Sweet quiet.
The bill will soon not be much of a problem (I’ll be dead). But right now, it’s not one either.
It doesn’t mean I don’t care, or that I’m ignoring it. I have a CAN-DO feeling about it. I’m asking for help from experts. I have a phone.
Turning the thought around:
This situation–yes, the same one we just pictured (the worst)–is actually the BEST way it could ever go.
THIS is success, for me.
How could this be just as true, or truer?
I love how during the retreat as I suggested “why would this situation be the BEST thing that happened?”….
….one woman gasped out loud and said “Oh Grace! No!”
Chuckle.
And then, she began to find examples.
One, then two, then three.
People are amazing.
Who would you be if you were not afraid that life might not go the way you like?
Open. Strong. Joyful.
Now, that sounds like success to me, especially when things look a little dire and we’re not sure what’s going to happen.
Breitenbush Hotsprings, Oregon retreat June 12-16th still has a few spots, but it’s almost full. It’s 3 weeks away from last night.
What if you could leave the weight of worry about worse-case-scenarios in the river at Breitenbush?
Join us. 503.854.3320
And even if you never, ever go on a retreat, you can do this work.
You can question your thinking about “terrible” and “worse” and turn your thinking around….to “wonderful” and “best”.
I’d love to hear what you find, if you can find examples.
Much love,
Grace
This is so beautiful, Grace! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom!
Thank you so much as well. Much love, Grace