For some of us, it’s hard to admit how much we desire money. In general, if anyone asked “hey, would you like some money?” we would say yes (or immediately start thinking “what’s the catch?”).
It seems like Money would always be welcome in bigger quantities. Unlike water. Most of us, if we are not thirsty, would not always drink more water if it was around or if it was offered.
I heard Byron Katie once doing a role play with someone about money getting exchanged between the person Katie was talking with, and someone they knew. Katie suggested that if someone said to her “here is 10 thousand dollars” and looked like they were giving it to her, she would say “what do you want by giving this?”
Excellent question. So simple if we just ask…..and the answer to this question is the crux of why we would NOT, in fact, just take more money without getting more details and seeing if it is really OK with us to make that exchange.
I myself used to be so opposed to “owing” people money or owing SOMETHING if I received their money, that I preferred to go without it. It wasn’t worth the worry about whether I had given enough, offered enough or satisfied the money-giver.
Yesterday in our Money, Work and Business class, we questioned the belief “what I do is not worth the fee”. Everyone could fill in the blank on what fee they were thinking about, and what they believed they were doing in order to get that fee, whether it was a job or their own business….it doesn’t matter.
I remember talking with a real estate agent once who made what some of us would think of as a big amount of money. He felt like what he actually did was NOT worth the money he made. But after years of making a living this way, he wasn’t even going to begin considering changing occupations. Too scary to consider having less money.
I also have talked with people (usually women) who feel dependent and so far have exchanged their services of running a home, doing laundry, cooking, taking care of kids in exchange for being supported by a money-getter. They want something more, but they aren’t sure what else to do, so they keep doing the same “job”.
There are so many thoughts that rise up, that are quite stressful, when we want money and we believe we need to do something other than really be ourselves in order to get it:
- I need to make an impression
- I can win people over
- When someone else likes what I do for them, I get money from them
- I must avoid offending other people
- I need to be polite and have good manners
- People will think I’m selfish if I ask for money
- People will be jealous if they see how much I make
In Katie’s book I Need Your Love–Is That True? she writes about how we humans often get into situations where we believe we need to pretend things in order to succeed. This includes making money, for some of us. She mentions Dale Carnegie and his multi-million dollar best-seller classic book about making friends and influencing people and being a great sales person. And she asks us “how do you react when you believe the thought that you can find love and approval by making yourself more likeable?”
How do you react when you believe the thought that by being likeable, you will receive more money?
There is of course absolutely nothing wrong whatsoever with learning techniques to be a great salesperson…it is only when we find ourselves stressed and full of questions about our own integrity that we need to look more deeply.
What if we stopped pretending anything or thinking we need to shift our behavior in order to get money? What if we question what we believe we need to do in order to have a job, that is stressful? What if we stop thinking WE need to figure out how to help that person over there who is giving us money to be pleased with us?
I have found if I don’t need to make an impression, don’t need to win people over, have no concern with whether or not I am liked, connect to the center of my heart and soul, notice how full of joy I feel in giving and receiving, and question that it matters what other people think….then something has started to flow that is beyond all the ideas about whether or not what I do is “worth” any money.
When we question all our thoughts about money, we naturally become more likeable.
Start where you are, you don’t have to make any huge changes. Start by questioning what it would be like if you didn’t ever pretend….see what your thoughts are about yourself and receiving, giving, and earning money.
“In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don’t try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present. When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”~Tao te Ching #8
Undoing the stressful thoughts about money and how I dance with it has been one of the most exciting, wonderful things in life. Money us such a wonderful friend. Money is so kind, coming and going as it will, being a form of exchange.
How do you know something is worth anything? Write it down and see what you believe about money. It could change your entire life if you question your painful thinking.
Love, Grace
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