Tag: money

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The Fabulous Discovery of Not Being Special

Quick News: There is room in teleclass Earning Money, starting Thursday 5:15 pm Pacific, on diving in to the stressful beliefs about money, work, and business. Click here to read about it and register.

Here’s a beautiful note I received from a participant from this class:

Dear Grace,
Thank you. 
A year ago you gave me a discounted place on one of your business courses. I went into it open minded but not exactly sure what (if any) impact it would have.At the very outset of the course I remember you saying that we should deal with whatever will stop us from fully participating in the course. That simple challenge meant it was the first course that I have taken that I completely participated in (and I have taken a lot of courses).
I am still working with my issues around money however in terms of my business.... it doubled within a year of taking the course. Working with you was a major consciousness shift. It was a brilliant and worthwhile investment on many levels. Thank you for your valuable work – and very welcome grace notes. ~ Earning Money teleclass participant 2012

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Other than upcoming teleclasses, this morning I am thinking about my recent travel. And being special (not).

Traveling by airplane is very, very bizarre, when you really think about it.

We humans can get on a big airplane that holds several hundred people, like an entire waiting room jam packed full, and all their bags and boxes, and the tubular unit (the jet) takes off into the sky and flies half way around the world at 30,000 feet.

That is sooooo bizarre.

Now, I am back in cool, gray Seattle, Washington where I normally apparently live. It’s morning here, and evening in Bali.

My brain is a little groggy.

My thoughts go something like this:

  • I should sleep all night without waking up
  • I wish I felt better physically, as in, energetic, well-rested, spunky!
  • My body has a life of its own…it seems confused about the hour of the day….and I don’t like it!
  • I wanted to be special and not have Jet Lag!

Ha! I want to be special!

One of my all-time favorite repetitive concepts, that I really don’t like to confess or mention, is all about being special.

This idea can appear just about anywhere.

It appears often for many humans in primary relationships, family situations, then work situations, creative endeavors, the urge to be “known” or  perhaps “famous”, loved, adored, special around health, time…you name it.

It’s a little embarrassing to admit having the idea “I am special”.

The mind has a voice that says “You are soooo special. You are not like all other people. Just look! You are clever! You are successful! You are an amazing manifester! You look young for your age! You’re a good athlete! You are quite a unique talent! You don’t even get Jet Lag! WOW!”

I call that the Pumper-Upper Voice. It gives assurance and pep talks and cheer-leading speeches, in an effort to feel relief, or dissolve worry, or deny that there is fear present about being ordinary, just like all other humans.

That voice that gets interested in being special is comparing yourself to everyone and everything else. It’s like there’s a huge gigantic competition, and where you fit in the percentiles actually matters.

That voice enjoys feeling like you might have a leg-up, part of an elite group, an outlier, lucky, a hard-worker….special.

Often in primary love relationships, we get very caught in thinking we are special because the other person thinks we’re special and we think they are special….specialness all around.

But no.

It’s the very same flip-side thinking as comparing yourself to others and to the universe and finding yourself lacking, less-than, worse-off by comparison.

I have a body, just like everyone else does. It is actually nothing special.

Neither is my mind, my journey, my relationships, my life experience.

The thing is, “getting” this idea at a most deep level (and we all really do get this)….that I am mediocre and ordinary and just like everyone else…can be the most wonderful, liberating, extraordinary thing.

Nothing to brace against, nothing to push towards, nothing to strive for. Simply alive, living this moment, being here….tired and knowing very little, not having any answers, on my way to death eventually.

Not trying to feel pumped, or encouraged, or bolstered up or full of big accomplishments as opposed to tired, normal, middle-aged (or whatever age you are) person.

Allowing everything about yourself to be as it is, without wishing it to be different, and without giving yourself a gold star either for accomplishment.

“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” ~ Pema Chodron

If right now, today, you loosen the grip of wishing you were something other than what you are, no matter how tiny the thoughts (like “I wish I wasn’t jet-lagged” or “I wish I had more money”) and see who you would be without the thought….you may have an inspiring, extraordinary, awesome feeling of relaxation.

No big deal.

If you let go of the complaints, you let go also of the compliments, the strutting, the feeling of control or better-ness or having a special spin on things…..and it’s really OK.

It’s more than OK, it’s so ordinary and sweet, without needing anything to be different….that it feels amazing.

Who would you be without the thought that you are special, different, exceptional, admired, or that it would be better if you were?

“The funny thing about enlightenment is that when it is authentic, there is no one to claim it. Enlightenment is very ordinary; it is nothing special. Rather than making you more special, it is going to make you less special. It plants you right in the center of a wonderful humility and innocence. Everyone else may or may not call you enlightened, but when you are enlightened the whole notion of enlightenment and someone who is enlightened is a big joke. ” ~ Adyashanti

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Due to great interest, I will likely start a Fall Group for the One Year Program of Inquiry on Thursday evenings Pacific Time (a different time option) beginning in September. I so love the joy people are drawn to in creating a group community sangha to investigate their stressful beliefs together for a whole year. Click here to read all about it.

P.P.S Two spaces left in Horrible Food Wonderful Food—join us on Tuesdays!

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Money Grows On Trees

Recently I gave myself a special consult appointment with a wise therapist, in the business of mental health for many years, who I meet with from time to time.

Having mentors and other understanding, thoughtful people in my life has been powerful and life-changing. I enter a conversation one way, and come out another…with a brand new idea or spark of excitement.

Or a really radical flip on the way I’m seeing things. Like what happened when I met with my mentor.

I thought I had learned so much about my relationship with money over the past six years, that anything new would be smallish, not that foreign.

But this particular day, I mentioned lightly that it felt fantastic to be completely out of debt (I was thousands of dollars in debt five years ago) and paying for my youngest child’s private education, and that I saved my house from foreclosure only four years ago.

She asked me a few more questions about how I felt about money, and then said “I can tell you know that your life is part of the universe, that your body is part of the earth, that the items in your home are part of the atmosphere….all connected. But you don’t think money is part of you, and of the earth and the atmosphere….you think it’s separate.”

Driving home from my meeting, I thought about what I could learn from these words.

Money and I have come so far. We used to have a very dismissive, uninterested relationship. Not much attraction either way. And fine with that.

Then it became a love-hate relationship. I hated discovering that I needed and wanted it. My strategy for needing and wanting things is to give up needing and wanting them.

Rats. It was like an obsessive love affair with someone I thought was “bad” for me.

THEN, I started liking and enjoying money a lot. Money seemed to be on my side, supportive, ready to work with me.

Could I actually LOVE money?

Like unconditional love? Could money be a part of me? My best friend? A close companion? Nah. Impossible. I still wanted to hide that I loved money. The secret crush no one could know about.

Money couldn’t be really trusted.

  • money could go away any minute
  • money could be required elsewhere, like in a broken car, or a major house repair, or an unexpected accident
  • money doesn’t grow on trees
  • I have to keep vigilant, stay responsible, work hard
  • I wish I didn’t have to earn money
  • can’t I go live in a monastery, with my basic necessities met, and lots of books?
  • I have to give great service, help people, be “worth” the price—the more perfect, the better
  • I need money

Some of these seem more stressful than others. Some feel stressful one day in the morning, and like no biggie at the end of the day.

But in reflecting on my mentor’s words, I thought “wow, money DOES feel separate from me….like it’s OUT THERE somewhere and by wild chance I draw it in sometimes. By my own hard nose-to-the-grindstone work, I repaid all my debt and started making money.”

GONG!!!! (wrong)

Realizing that I was out of the general panic zone for quite awhile now, I decided I hadn’t done The Work in awhile on money. It was time.

Who would I be without the thought that money doesn’t grow on trees? Or that Me-Myself-and-I am the One who brings/gets/acquires money?

Who would I be without the thought that I “have” to do stuff, push, be perfect, and “earn” it in any kind of a stressful way?

What if it was really part of nature, like air or water? Like breathing? And I didn’t have to “make” it come and go, like the same way I don’t have to make my heart beat, my lungs breathe, my kidneys function.

If I lived in these turnarounds, my belief system about money might look like this:

  • money could go away any minute (how exciting!) or it could come along any minute, like rain or sunshine—I don’t have to have a hissy fit either way
  • money is not limited…it moves towards this and that, repairs and all kinds of other possibilities, it’s amazing what it can be traded for
  • money does grow on trees (!) I shows up unexpectedly, it’s made from trees, when it’s used, more grows, like apples or food…more always shows up, for the next meal
  • I have to relax, rest, watch, wait, play easy
  • It’s a gift to “earn” money, I wish money didn’t have to earn ME (I try to be so perfect all the time, and think I don’t deserve it unless I am, jeez!)
  • can’t I simply live in my current life, where I see already all my basic necessities are ALWAYS met, and I have lots of books?
  • I have to receive great service from each person I meet with, I don’t have to help people (maybe I actually can’t), be “worth” the price—the more my natural, loving self, the better
  • I need money (yay!) And yes, I also don’t need it at all. I call that a really good, healthy relationship. No co-dependency here.

This relationship with money really is like my relationship with life.

I noticed long ago, doing The Work on money, that if I substituted the word “God” for money on my worksheets full of stressful thoughts, it showed me my inner relationship with God/Reality/Source/Universe.

The same. God could leave any minute, be required elsewhere, and I needed to earn God’s love and attention, stay vigilant and work hard.

Who would I be without these thoughts?

Magical. Free. Wild. Entering the unknown. Not really “needing” anything, but receiving, using, giving, just by being alive. Air going in, air going out.

“Fill you bowl to the brim and it will spill. Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt. Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench. Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner. Do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity.”~Tao Te Ching #9

When I care about money’s approval, and it feels like it is separate from me and eratic and volatile and uninterested….I am its prisoner.

When I don’t care about money’s approval of me….I notice I create as gloriously as a gushing fountain, I adore working with people, money shows up to celebrate.

Money grows on trees.

Much love, Grace

P.S. MONEY teleclass starts June 13! Click the second class link below to register. This time the class meets in the evening Pacific time 5:15 – 6:45 pm (unusual). I can’t wait to inquire and shift beliefs about our friend Money this summer. Join our group, it could mean an about-face for your work, income, business….your freedom!

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Blowing Oscillating Beliefs

This morning I was looking at my notes from a past teleclass on Earning Money.

My amazing group of fellow-travelers inquiring into Money, Work, Jobs and whatever this thing is called “Business” had a fabulous session in our second teleclass together.

We were looking at what we really, really need with regard to work/money/business.

I need to expand myself, my company, my capacity (for energy, enthusiasm, productivity) or my bank account. I must expand! I must grow! I must drive!

There is such a deep belief, really a whole system of thinking, that I must push myself, discipline myself, organize myself, focus on peak performance, plan, set goals, and dig out what is “wrong” with me in order to GET OVER THERE.

Over there is wealthy, powerful, secure, productive, famous, successful!

Over here could use some improvement. Over here is confusing, messy, chaotic, unpredictable.

I loved it when one participant used the word “oscillate”. I had an instant image of an oscillating fan. Push the “on” button and it starts going back and forth across the room with little whirrs and clicks.

The mind flip-flops the same way. Or shall we say, it blows!

Thoughts going that way, thoughts going this way, spanning the whole entire horizon.

When I believe that I MUST push myself to get anywhere important or positive, then of course I am focused on how to push myself.

I may secretly notice that I don’t really like being pushed that much…nor do I respond exactly to being pushed, some of the time.

Hard to relax completely, hard to force myself to do everything on my list. BOTH are difficult, stressful, not really that fun.

But I have to push, I have to force or cajole, in order to “make” something happen….right?

Otherwise, my true nature is to be a worthless piece of junk laying around by the pool all day. Even if there is no pool!

If I don’t MAKE stuff happen, then I will be offering nothing to the world, interested only in me and my comfort. Interested only in getting through this life as easily as possible, without hardship. Avoiding hard knocks.

One big non-productive lump.

NOT TRUE.

In our class, we all tapped into who we would be without the story that we have to push or make an effort at all, not only just about getting money or building a business or being a great employee….but for any other deep desire.

What a weird, unusual, foreign concept for so many of us hard-drivers!

What a gift, to relax so completely that you get to find out who you would be without the belief that you HAVE to do something?

“The more you can be completely in the NOW, the more you realize that you’re in the center of the world, standing in the middle of a sacred circle.” ~ Pema Chodron  

The beautiful thing is, we all wind up doing things, being in this body in our circumstance, in this place. We have an idea to call a person to ask for a job, or get help from someone to write a resume, or we google something about how to make online flyers, and it’s fun. Or we get up to go to the bathroom. Or go out for a walk.

Life unfolds itself, and money comes and goes.

“I do NOT have to push or force anything to grow, whether with money, or awakening, or learning”—How exciting to find that this is actually truer!

What are examples in your own life that NOT pushing, NOT forcing, NOT being a task-master still leads to growth?

“The Tao is always at ease. It overcomes without competing, answers without speaking a word, arrives without being summoned, accomplishes without a plan. Its net covers the whole universe. And though its meshes are wide, it doesn’t let a thing slip through.” ~ Tao Te Ching #73

Love, Grace

P.S. If you’re wanting to look at money, work, jobs and business closely, come join the next 8 week teleclass on Earning Money starting in June. Email grace@workwithgrace.com to let me know you’re in. Scroll down on the list below to see all the upcoming offerings!

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You Have To Change Your Thinking

The other morning I had a one-on-one phone session with my wise and kind teacher Stephan Bodian.

I notice that the way the mind works is that it appears to be able to co-opt any experience into a seeing it as a slightly imperfect one….or a horrendously imperfect one.

Consulting with an expert, a teacher, a consultant, or even a good wise friend can be an incredible gift, full of learning, awareness, another perspective, good counsel.

Connecting with another person individually, or in a small group where you can’t really “hide” (whether you’re the talkative type or quiet type) can sometimes feel really vulnerable.

The actual content of my phone call was super crazy awesome for me. All it took was a short question and some back-and-forth talk and hearing Stephen say a few things in response, and I felt moved to tears at remembering what really matters…..the mystery of it all.

But before the call…aiyiyi. Here came the pesky mosquito-like thoughts that almost seemed ridiculous and meaningless, and they created NERVOUS energy.

Seriously, the day before this one phone call, I was thinking “how can I get the MOST out of the 30 minutes I have with him on the phone? What’s my biggest, grandest question? What’s the one most important thing?”

Not BAD to have those kinds of thoughts, but my mind started spinning with ideas.

Hmmm, maybe I should talk about my constant need to work on my business. Maybe I should talk to him about “goals” in the real world and how to let go of them. Maybe I should talk about my lack of meditation time, the dumb thing I did last week, or my self-criticism. Maybe I shouldn’t be too emotional (not likely, knowing me).

Jeez, maybe I should ask him for advice about Nervousness.

What I noticed, throughout my day, and in the morning before getting on the phone, is that I was relaxed, then tight, then thinking, then forgetting about it all, then relaxed.

One thing that Stephan talks about, as many other wonderful teachers do, is the idea that thoughts remain present, even all the busy, stressful ones….but as we see who we really are, they lose their grip.

As Byron Katie says, the thoughts still appear, we just stop believing them.

The split second between thinking a thought, which seems to appear out of nowhere, or as a result of something happening “out there”….and then BELIEVING that the thought is true, seems inconceivably fast.

It almost seems like it’s impossible to follow, to catch. When was the moment that I started believing something, versus just having it run through my mind?

One thing I’ve found, is that the body will tell you when you’re believing a thought. It begins to feels stress. Adrenaline kicks in, muscles tighten, teeth clench, the stomach feels tight. The more you are believing your un-true thoughts, the more stress you feel.

Believing un-true thoughts is stressful, that’s what happens. You can’t believe 100% without doubt the thoughts “I need more money” or “I am too fat” or “this phone call MUST be fruitful” and get all happy and psyched and excited.

When you’re a believer in your painful thoughts you don’t jump out of your chair and say “This rocks! I am so, so, so happy that I’m thinking this thought! WOOHOO!”

Except….with The Work and investigating your thinking, you CAN get much lighter.

Who would I be without the thought that something has to go “well”, or that I need anything at the moment, or that I should be doing something else right now, or that I ought to find enlightenment tomorrow afternoon?

Who would I be without the thought that I need or want to get something out of a phone call?

I am filled with gratitude, joy, and peace during the phone call. I breathe deeply.

Even though the phone died, and I couldn’t hear some of what Stephan said (I had the thought during the crackles and dead-space that I always get bad reception–ha ha).

Even though I had waves of various emotions in the rest of the day following my phone call…I remembered that my thinking is not really ME.

“…..we change like the weather, we ebb and flow like the tides, we wax and wane like the moon. We do that, and there’s no reason to resist it. If we resist it, the reality and vitality of life become misery, a hell.”~Pema Chodron

When I allow my little conniving, worried, irritable, jealous, childish thoughts to just be there, instead of OMG I MUST BE A HAPPY PAIN-FREE BRILLIANT PERSON AT ALL TIMES then I take the edge off the suffering.

Maybe even the suffering moves into tears, into expression, and dissolves away.

Who would you be without your belief that you HAVE to change your thinking?

“Rushing into action, you fail. Trying to grasp things, you lose them. Forcing a project to completion, you ruin what was almost ripe. Therefore the Master takes action by letting things take their course. He remains as calm at the end as at the beginning. He has nothing, thus has nothing to lose.”~Tao Te Ching #64

Today, I look forward to the next phone call, the next session, the next contact with other people, the next exploration of truth.

I look forward to my mind having a few pissy thoughts about All This….if it does.

Love, Grace

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th. 
  • Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29-May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
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Bring All Those Money Thoughts

Someone asked me “You mean, you just investigated your thoughts about money, and your money changed?”

The short answer is “yes”.

Of course, I now see that money changes all on its own, without my opinion.

My opinion used to bring anger, frustration, terror, unhappiness and anxiety. My opinion used to bring comparison to those other people with money, me with less money, those other people without money, me with more money.

It can drive a person nuts to be in that framework. Well….it did drive me nuts.

My job, as I see it these days, is to watch my mind, be present, and investigate. I watch the effort rise, the thoughts that I need to do something, the thought that this money should go here or there.

I’m so bossy!

If you’re wondering what to do with your Money Thoughts….all those endless ideas and dreams about having more or less….one place you can bring them for deep investigation is to a very small group of inquirers.

The power of the group is amazing, intimate, and precious. And it can change your mind entirely about that thing called Money and all the ways we know to get it, receive it, have it move towards us.

Monday we start the teleclass Earning Money. We dial in together, limited to 10 participants, using our phones or Skype, and we sink into examining this thing called money and the ways we access it…work, having a business, marketing, services, gifts, spending, investing, donating.

People will be on the call together from all over the world. Amazing.

Come along for the ride, it’s a fabulous journey.

You don’t need to have huge job or business problems…all you need is an interest in looking at your thoughts about money, your relationship to money, and to question it!

Richness Of The Group Inquiry Process:

Thanks everyone, for a great class. And thanks, Grace, for creating the structure and support for this powerful inquiry. I so appreciate your facilitation, dedication, humility, and humor, and I’m nourished by your desire to be of service in any way you can. This is a motherlode of a ‘topic’ and it’s amazing to me that after 8+ weeks of exploring Money, Work, Biz, how it feels like it’s just the tip of the iceberg….I was really impressed by how much richness there was in the group inquiry process. And enjoyed the companionship, vulnerability, and humor that was generated in our circle.~MB, class participant Autumn 2012

I Never Looked At This Before:

I really loved sitting with the questions from Grace this week.  No wonder I feel so uncomfortable marketing when I saw all the underlying beliefs I have around marketing and sales.   I have been doing the work for several years and never looked at this part of my business and what I do, the marketing. ~ MM, class participant Summer 2012  

Love, Grace

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.   

  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th. 
  • Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29-May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
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You Do Not Need More Money

Money seems to be one of my biggest hooks, triggers, potholes, or suffering zones over the past several years. For some weird reason, I didn’t think about it much in my teens, twenties, or thirties.

It’s almost like I put it on a shelf over there. I had other more important things to think about. I didn’t want to get all riled up about it, like other people. I didn’t want to feel scarcity around it, or get too driven about it.

I was always pretty happy with small amounts of stuff. Seriously. I loved taking things to goodwill or give them away. I preferred everything I owned to fit in my car.

During my childhood it seemed like Money caused a lot of problems for several important people in my life: my mom, dad, grandma and grandpa.

Strange, but it remained unimportant to me, because there was nothing I actually wanted, as a child, that money could buy. It was super easy to get my first job…one of my sisters got a job at a retirement home and told me to go ahead and apply, too. I think we were about 14 and 15 years old.

If she hadn’t suggested applying, I probably wouldn’t have even thought of it in the first place.

Cut to 30 years later when I was desperate for an interview, income, a job. And yet…picky picky picky. It couldn’t be a low-paying waitress job or an entry level position. Because of my thoughts, I imagined that to be worse than being unemployed.

A few weeks more, with the threat of not being able to buy gas for my car much longer, I was not so picky anymore.

Fortunately for me, at that time, I had The Work as a tool to use for my wildly insanely panicked thoughts about money and work.

Even though I had almost no money left and my bank account was dwindling to nothing, I hired a facilitator to help me investigate my beliefs about money, and work. I like to tell this story in the Earning Money teleclass.

The most painful, painful thought was “I need more money. Yesterday”.

I could see the inevitability of losing my house unless something really drastic changed. I made my first late mortgage payment….only 3 months away from foreclosure.

My savings were gone.

I needed more money, so I thought, or I would lose my house. And THAT would of course be horrendous, because my kids and I would have to move in with my mom. Forty minutes away by car.

Thinking about the worst that could happen without money was something I barely wanted to consider before. But with investigation into my greatest fear, I asked myself what was really true.

  • I will have no home
  • My children will suffer
  • My entire family will be happier than me
  • I will never bounce back
  • It’s too late for me to start a good career
  • I don’t know how to get a good job, earn LOTS of money
  • I need more training, another degree, a different education
  • My mother will be annoyed with us
  • I won’t be able to stand sharing a kitchen with my mother! It will be WWIII.

As I found these thoughts my stomach felt nauseated and tight, the images were terrible, I imagined myself as such a loser.

And the thing that would cure this pain was definitely more money.

But could I absolutely know that this was true? Would my pain actually be cured? Would I feel excited and without fear? Would I feel secure, truly? Would I feel rested, peaceful, happy? Was money the only way to freedom?

Um. That would be a “no”. I knew money was not the only way to freedom, that would be crazy.

How I lived with the thought that I needed more money YESTERDAY was like I was in a state of emergency inside my body. I was exhausted, I was jittery, I couldn’t sleep well, I kept thinking the same thoughts, and I was sure I couldn’t get along with my mother.

Who would I be WITHOUT the thought that I needed more money?

It was almost impossible to find that place, initially. I kept seeing my house disappear, my life disappear, my car disappear, my enthusiasm and motivation disappear. I kept seeing myself depressed in my mother’s basement, and my kids crying because they missed the house we used to have (as if they would join me in the same agony).

But turning the thought around….WOW. Now that was amazing to consider. To become open to the possibilities.

  • I will always have a home, no matter where I am–that has been the case so far
  • My children will not suffer, they will see what it’s like to move from here to there
  • I could be happier than my entire family. Hilarious! Without the constrictions of a mortgage, who knows!
  • I don’t need to bounce back, I will be bouncing forward
  • Amazing people have found new careers late in life, and so can I
  • I do know how to get a good job, I am just as capable of earning lots of money as anyone else
  • I don’t need any more training, no degree, no education. I have the perfect amount. Incredible people in this world support themselves, without degrees.
  • My mother will be thrilled with us, and get to know us intimately
  • I will love sharing with my mother. It will be an incredible truce!

I began to see such benefits, that it started sounding fantastic to move out of our home, sell everything, give everything away, and move in with my mother. What an opportunity! Start a brand new life! Fun!

The relief, stillness, acceptance, and peace penetrated everything I had started believing about money.

I did not need more money. 

The whole thing was a nightmare, and I was waking up.

And that was happening, without more money. DOH!

“Fear has only two causes: the thought of losing what you have or the thought of not getting what you want. In either case, the worst thing that can ever happen is a story. Nothing you need can be taken from you. And no one can ever have anything you need. Need is a story you tell yourself. It’s a wanting-what-is-not that separates you from what is.”~Byron Katie in I Need Your Love, Is It True?

Seeing the advantages in what is, I waited and kept moving and calling places, more joyfully. I looked at want-ads with more creativity. I asked for loans, and amazing family members said Yes.

I felt the trust of the universe. This was going to go the way that it would go…without my opinion.

It went the way it needed to go, for my biggest learning.

Come join the next teleclass Earning Money: What’s The Problem?  It starts next Monday, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. We spend time investigating the really gritty, angry, beastly thoughts about money, about our businesses or our jobs (or lack of them), what we believe about marketing or selling (job interviews, promoting our businesses) and how we feel about the state of not-enough.

It’s one of my favorite journeys of all time. Join us! We still have room for a few more.

Love, Grace

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Money Is None Of Your Business

Last May after writing these Grace Notes for about 6 months, I received a paypal donation of $10. A month later someone sent $100. A couple months after that I got $25 and then another $10. And then $100 again.

Now that is a weird thing, when your beliefs about money and how you get it is supposed to be hard work, and you’re supposed to be selling something or doing something that feels work-ish.

When it first happened, I thought “what is this? is there some mistake?”

This person out in the world who had sent me that first $10 also sent me an email saying she was tithing to what supports her in her personal inner journey. And that would be these posts.

You mean, just by being myself and having this practice of writing…which actually feels like it’s for me, people express their appreciation by sending money?

Holy Moly. I was so moved. And I saw with more clarity some of my own assumptions about money, because receiving these donations turned some of my beliefs upside down.

This is what I thought before:

  • People pay you if you work very hard and give them a lot of energy, relief, attention, or time
  • You have to push, drive, be disciplined to make money
  • Money is NOT easy to get
  • I have to hide my true feelings if I’m going to get paid
  • The harder I work and the more time I work, the more money I will get
  • If I am enjoying myself or doing what I would do right now anyway, for fun, then it’s weird to get paid for it
  • If I wasn’t getting paid for something, I wouldn’t do it
  • If I had all the money in the world that I needed, I would do NOTHING and I would be FREE to go the SPA

Really?

One of the most fascinating insights I ever had around money was when I did The Work with Katie on those rich people out there. Those greedy, jet-ski-using consumers who cared about nothing but themselves and their money!

Those people who went to fancy restaurants, spas, tropical islands, and who drove big ridiculous cars.

I think someone called them the 1%. Like they are Someone Different, in a different category, living in a different world, than me.

Mother Teresa was OK, because she was putting all her millions towards suffering people, but that guy who bought himself a 2 hour massage, a Four Seasons Buffet lunch, and a fancy suit from Nordstroms…now THAT guy was a selfish, greedy prick.

When you have all these rules about what is good or bad or selfish or generous about money, then you have to be so careful all the time. You have to watch out for your own inner greedy self that wants to win the lottery and go to the spa.

Who would I be without the thought that if I had a lot of money I would turn into the hoarding, sneaking-to-the-spa rich person who offered nothing of value to the world?

I mean really….it’s like my evaluation of human nature (when having these thoughts of money), including my own, is that everyone would prefer to have fun and do nothing and never exchange energy for money in the form of “work”.

Is it true? Can I absolutely KNOW that this is TRUE?

No. I see tons of people with great amounts of money flowing through their hands who are very involved and interested in giving, changing, making a difference, creating.

No. I notice that I myself don’t really like to sit around. I like writing and creating. I love teaching. I love working with people. I’ve done it a lot for free. I’ve PAID for workshops myself!

What if the turnarounds are just as true or truer?

  • Money is easy to get, it is easy to receive, it just shows up, like air
  • People pay me if I work very easy and give myself a lot of energy, relief, attention and time
  • I have to relax, wait, and be undisciplined to make money–I have to allow my wild, chaotic, creative self to come forward and play
  • I have to expose my true feelings to get paid
  • The easier I play and the more time I play, the more money I will get
  • If I am enjoying myself and doing what I would do for fun, why not get paid for it
  • I do many things all day, every day, which don’t involved getting paid for it but I do it anyway….do I really have to get paid to do something?
  • Have you ever been in a spa all day? It gets boring. I would want to do more, very soon, beyond this.

I found out, too, that when I had only $10 left in my bank account, and a mortgage due, and a first late payment which is the first step on the road to foreclosure, and not enough money to get gas to drive my car somewhere….I was still breathing and thinking and warm, and comfortable.

Who would you be without the thought that you are greedy or that going to the spa is a waste of resources, or that luxury is not cool?

What if even all this was not true? What if money was not my business? What if I didn’t believe the thought that there is not enough money somewhere?

Free to find out who I really am. Free to relax. Free to have or not have and enjoy both states and question what fears present themselves.

“Abundance has nothing to do with money.  Money is not your business; truth is your business.  I am not going to get wealth on the other side of the truth; I am going to get something much more important than that, something so powerful that everything else looks like nothing.  But as long as I think it should look like money, I am cheating myself.”~Byron Katie 

How is it the most fun ever, the most wonderful, the most interesting, the most perfect that you have exactly as much money as you have….and those other people have the amount of money they apparently have?

Who would you be without your story of money?

Someone who is sent money by strangers, out of the “blue”.

Love, Grace

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th.
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Cash, Wealth, Money and Loving What Is NOW

The topic of money is very juicy. It seems there is an on-going human interest in getting it, needing it, wanting it, planning for it, earning it, spending it, saving it.

In the most simple terms, it appears that it’s better to have money than not have money. So we dive in to figuring out in this big monopoly game board of life the answer to the question: HOW DO I GET MORE?

People sort and sift through many ideas about how money is earned or received. It seems we can “do” something (get a job, offer service, offer a product) and then money is given in exchange for this activity or this item.

Ultimately the actual money itself is not useful. We can’t eat it or drink it. It’s just pieces of paper or metal coins. They all look different depending on what part of the world you’re in…but in the big scheme of things, it looks very similar.

Of course there are other ways to get what the body needs to survive without having money involved. That’s what settlers did. They chopped down trees or grew plants or hunted for animals, and assembled everything they did from their own hands.

But most of us are not settlers in unknown territory where money isn’t even used. We’re here exchanging things, going to stores, buying toothbrushes, taking care of our bodies. So, it’s great to have money to buy stuff.

I find that the most painful, stressful thinking for people who come to me to do The Work on money (and in my own work on it) falls into two categories, with variations on these themes:

  1. I need to do something to get money but I don’t know what or how, and I’m not sure I can offer anything of value anyway, or,
  2. my present situation with money or work SUCKS!

I started with the second category. I had so much fear, anxiety, and anger right in the middle of my present moment with money….no matter how much I had….that I knew I needed to face what I was believing that felt so terrible.

As I questioned the most simple concept “I need more money” I discovered that I didn’t. Life was actually fine, without it. I could go without it entirely. In fact, for awhile, I came very close. I always had enough food, clothing, water, and a bed to sleep in.

I am still here, right now, writing this. So I never had too little money.

“Money is not your business, truth is your business. The story ‘I need more money’ is what keeps you from realizing your wealth. Whenever you think that your needs are not being met, you’re telling the story of a future. You’re supposed to have exactly as much money as you have right now. This is not a theory: this is reality. How much money do you have? That’s it, you’re supposed to have exactly that amount. If you don’t believe it, look at your checkbook. How do you know when you’re supposed to have more? When you do. How do you know when you’re supposed to have less? When you do. This is true abundance. It leaves you without a care in the world.” ~ Byron Katie

Now that I know without a doubt that however much money I have is just right, it’s incredibly exciting….just to notice that.

I forget for awhile sometimes. Some goofy thing triggers worry or disappointment, and my mind races off into thinking I need more money, but it’s very short lasting. I hear myself actually saying out loud something about needing or wanting more money, and I find it doesn’t even make sense 30 minutes later or I can’t remember why I thought that.

Not believing what you think is THRILLING! So when you think stressful thoughts about money, ask yourself if it is really true!

After deeply questioning the notion of needing more money many times, touching on it regularly…I began to find more intricate concepts about my worth, what I might offer that would be of value, what I believed about work, time, bosses, employees, clients, accounting, marketing, promoting, spending.

How wonderful to look at all the thinking and behaviors and feelings about what value things have or don’t have!

“When you are concerned with making money you want the future more than the present. Whenever you want the future more than you want the present, true intelligence cannot flow into what you do…..The ego always looks toward the next moment for some kind of fulfillment. The realignment means the primary purpose of your life is whatever action you are doing in this moment.”~ Eckhart Tolle

The wonderful news is that you don’t have to have total confidence about your worth or abilities, or how you will get money….all you need to do is question your most anxiety-riddled thinking about this moment now, and notice all you believe so you can catch it and question it.

Now that my world is lighter about money, work, service, clients, action, doing, time, effort….I find humor and joy so much more easily.

And, it turns out, for now anyway, I have more money.

If you find you would like to focus more on inquiry in this area, then come join a small group on Thursdays starting in 2 days! We will meet each week for 90 minutes, skipping 11/1 and 11/22 and do this fabulous work on our internal thinking all the way until 11/29. Eight sessions and amazing life-changing work!

Money, Work and Your Business Class Participants Have Said:

“I received so much from your class.  I am sincerely grateful for your offerings in this world.“~ Deanna

“I am constantly astonished and amazed at the dark crap I had dumped all over money! No wonder it couldn’t come to me – I had insulated myself well to keep me from become “One of those people!” And now I’m like, “sign me up!” and I’ll do it my way! Clearly sometimes resisting being “that way” is worse than just being that way, especially when you are anyway! I can’t hardly believe how much money has changed in the past few weeks!”~Delia

If you want to join in the amazing journey with a small group of supportive angels in your life: CLICK HERE

Love, Grace

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Wanting The Future

Almost every human being has had the experience of “wanting”. The origins of the word mean lacking, deficiency, shortage, wish for, desire. Kids say they want, adults say they want. We can say we want something with great passion, or not much feeling like it’s not a big deal one way or the other.

What is this state of WANTING?

My mind thinks, my body feels: I want to eat something, I want lots of money, I want power, I want a nice place to live, I want jelly beans, I want sex, I want a happy life, I want a new car, I want peace and quiet, I want forgiveness, I want to laugh, I want to understand, I want to feel “x”, I want to change society, I want to be enlightened.

The whole state of wanting can feel like a wave of noticing that I am lacking in something, I’m wishing for something, and almost simultaneously thinking about what would resolve this state of shortage.

The mind loves to solve problems, so when things are simple (I feel thirsty, I find water and drink it) it solves the puzzle fast. It gets frustrated when it’s not so simple or there are opposing desires (I want money, I refuse to work….I want a relationship, being around people too long is annoying).

Studying the state of “wanting” can be really fascinating. Even if you feel agonizingly full of desire for MORE or LESS of something, the minute you study it you get a little altitude on it, like you’re the observer of this “wanting” thing.

You may suddenly notice that you’re not 100% sure you really want what you think you want.

You may notice you are setting yourself up for unhappiness or failure, by thinking that when you get “that” you will be happy. Your wise self may know that future happiness is not guaranteed. At all.

You may notice that you actually already have what you want.

I love asking the question “what would I have if I got what I wanted? If the universe cooperated with my demands, er I mean, my desires, and everything was here that I want?

I find that answering this question shakes up the mind. Which can be a little scary for people who like control (most of us) but FASCINATING.

So, I say to myself “I want lots of money”. What would I have, if I had lots of money?

Security, freedom, time, peace. And THEN what would I have, if I had freedom? (Do this with each thing you come up with).

I would travel around the world, I would ditch this place, I would be extremely creative and invent artistically, I would read all day long, I would go to many more retreats and workshops, I would study, I would write, I would put on a performance.

And THEN what would I have? BE HONEST!

I would have fans, excitement, adventure, happiness, a meaningful life. And then?

That’s it. That’s what I really want…a meaningful life, excitement, adventure, happiness. Money could bring these to me really easily.

So can I have meaning and happiness right now in this moment, without one penny more?

The mind will say it’s impossible, not good enough, could be so much better with more money….that there are no adventures in my neighborhood, it’s not that exciting, and it’s not conducive to reaching enlightenment (I need to go live in a monastery like Leonard Cohen for five years….that would do it).

But the thing is, my neighborhood is chock full of people, there are streets I’ve never been down only a few miles away, there are people I’ve never even met, buildings I’ve never been in, workshops and classes being taught right in my own town, piles of books at the library.

If I really wanted to put on a theater production I could do it in my back yard. If I really wanted an adventure, I could start one today, right now.

This is skipping the “middle man” and going right to the heart of what is wanted. I find that happiness is present right here, right now.

Even without these things…the books, the streets in the neighborhood…there is me sitting here with a body and a very speedy mind, and eyes, ears, feelings, silence.

If I think something is lacking, I write it down, I write what I’m thinking, and I inquire.

A questioner asks Byron Katie: “Loving what is sounds like never wanting anything. Isn’t it more interesting to want things?”

Katie replies “My experience is that I do want something all the time: What I want is what is. It’s not only interesting, it’s ecstatic! When I want what I have, thought and action aren’t separate; they move as one, without conflict. If you find anything lacking, ever, write down your thought and inquire. I find that life never falls short and doesn’t require a future. Everything I need is always supplied, and I don’t have to do anything for it. There is nothing more exciting than loving what is.”~Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Life doesn’t require a future! OMG!

Right NOW, in this state, there is ecstatically enough, without the thing I believe would make things BETTER (lots of money). When I experience the truth of this, I have freedom, happiness, security, adventure, enlightenment….everything I actually wanted in the first place.

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life”.~Eckhart Tolle

Love, Grace

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Willing To Lose Everything

Yesterday I was thinking about money. Not unusual of course. I wonder if there are many human beings who don’t?

The part that is different about my thinking, when I think about money, is that it seems that whether there is a bill due, a payment to be made, a payment to receive, or imagining upcoming future payments….I simply do not have the mental stressful thinking I once had about it.

I have done The Work on money about 500 times. Well, maybe this is an exaggeration.

Exaggeration is common when it comes to money:

  • I’ll NEVER get out of debt
  • This will take me years and years to pay for, I’ll probably be dead
  • I don’t EVER get what I want
  • it’s sooooooo hard to go to work
  • This whole system is set up with such inequality, it is ALL UNFAIR
  • I’ll NEVER understand how to get lots of money
  • I am trapped, stuck, stupid, desperate, hopeless when it comes to money

Stressful thinking can enter so quickly and take off like a rocket, that it is helpful, whether you consider yourself worried about money or not, to consider all that you believe about this thing called money.

Five and a half years ago, I got divorced.

Before that, I didn’t work full time for ten years, but I always worked part time. I actually did editing for several companies as a freelancer, and for one company as a part time employee only a few hours a week. All work done at home. Incredible for a mother of babies.

My story was often “I didn’t work for ten years! Terrible! Lazy!” and also “The rug is pulled out from under me (divorce)! I can’t afford anything! I can’t I can’t I can’t!”

Two years after my divorce, I had zero savings, no job at all (everything had “ended” or closed for ALL the part-time work I had been doing).

I had used my credit card for three months to pay my mortgage and for groceries. My children were eligible, it turned out, for free lunch at school. I could have gotten food stamps but I felt like such a failure to even qualify for them.

I felt like I was on the Titanic and it was going down, fast. I had no way to pay my bills and nothing left. I had borrowed all that was available to borrow from family. I had been to job interviews everywhere….and I was finally open to working at an entry level job at any restaurant or fast-food place. I had been soooo judgmental of those places.

The whole time, during this period, I had The Work. I did it like crazy. I felt the panic inside, I identified all the judgments I had about money, myself, divorce, survival…

I became willing to be doomed, to stop fighting, to surrender. That was actually all I had left. No choice. Except to question my very negative, painful, horrified thoughts.

“You don’t get to vote on what is. Have you noticed?”~ Byron Katie

So yesterday when I was thinking about money, I remembered all this. It’s like the mind showed me all these pictures and images of that experience. I remembered being willing to move into my mother’s house and live in her basement, to stop fighting that or seeing it as terrible.

I remembered recognizing that my relationship with money was a gift one evening, after inquiring into my thinking with a facilitator.

Nothing else could have even come close to helping me walk a path of spirit, willingness, openness, trust. Nothing else could have allowed me to stop arguing with reality, to stop seeing myself as a loser.

“Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience. Taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them…..I am the perpetrator of my suffering – but only all of it.”~ Byron Katie

In January, it will be four years since that time I completely hit bottom financially. As it happened, I didn’t lose my house to foreclosure, barely.

The amazing thing is, I now have zero debt except for my house mortgage. I didn’t win the lottery, I didn’t rake in piles of money, or get a huge high-paying full time job.

I just kept questioning my beliefs about money when I had them. Even though it felt like I was ready to scream (that was the best time, in fact).

My practice grew with people from all over the world, people also wanting to question their beliefs. I felt creative and put together classes on the work I myself had done around money…and many other repetitively stressful topics.

Waiting for money to be different, for someone else to change, for my body to look “better” or for society, jobs, bills to be other than they are BEFORE I feel happy is very painful.

It stopped mattering what was going on with money. All that mattered was what was going on with the inside of me.

The turnaround to number six in the Work, on this topic, goes like this (write and ask me if you’re not sure what “number six” is): I am willing to lose all my money and assets. I look forward to losing all my money and assets.

“When the ancient Masters said, ‘If you want to be given everything, give everything up,’ they weren’t using empty phrases. Only in being lived by the Tao can you be truly yourself.”~Tao te Ching #22

Love, Grace