Money Grows On Trees

Recently I gave myself a special consult appointment with a wise therapist, in the business of mental health for many years, who I meet with from time to time.

Having mentors and other understanding, thoughtful people in my life has been powerful and life-changing. I enter a conversation one way, and come out another…with a brand new idea or spark of excitement.

Or a really radical flip on the way I’m seeing things. Like what happened when I met with my mentor.

I thought I had learned so much about my relationship with money over the past six years, that anything new would be smallish, not that foreign.

But this particular day, I mentioned lightly that it felt fantastic to be completely out of debt (I was thousands of dollars in debt five years ago) and paying for my youngest child’s private education, and that I saved my house from foreclosure only four years ago.

She asked me a few more questions about how I felt about money, and then said “I can tell you know that your life is part of the universe, that your body is part of the earth, that the items in your home are part of the atmosphere….all connected. But you don’t think money is part of you, and of the earth and the atmosphere….you think it’s separate.”

Driving home from my meeting, I thought about what I could learn from these words.

Money and I have come so far. We used to have a very dismissive, uninterested relationship. Not much attraction either way. And fine with that.

Then it became a love-hate relationship. I hated discovering that I needed and wanted it. My strategy for needing and wanting things is to give up needing and wanting them.

Rats. It was like an obsessive love affair with someone I thought was “bad” for me.

THEN, I started liking and enjoying money a lot. Money seemed to be on my side, supportive, ready to work with me.

Could I actually LOVE money?

Like unconditional love? Could money be a part of me? My best friend? A close companion? Nah. Impossible. I still wanted to hide that I loved money. The secret crush no one could know about.

Money couldn’t be really trusted.

• money could go away any minute
• money could be required elsewhere, like in a broken car, or a major house repair, or an unexpected accident
• money doesn’t grow on trees
• I have to keep vigilant, stay responsible, work hard
• I wish I didn’t have to earn money
• can’t I go live in a monastery, with my basic necessities met, and lots of books?
• I have to give great service, help people, be “worth” the price—the more perfect, the better
• I need money

Some of these seem more stressful than others. Some feel stressful one day in the morning, and like no biggie at the end of the day.

But in reflecting on my mentor’s words, I thought “wow, money DOES feel separate from me….like it’s OUT THERE somewhere and by wild chance I draw it in sometimes. By my own hard nose-to-the-grindstone work, I repaid all my debt and started making money.”

GONG!!!! (wrong)

Realizing that I was out of the general panic zone for quite awhile now, I decided I hadn’t done The Work in awhile on money. It was time.

Who would I be without the thought that money doesn’t grow on trees? Or that Me-Myself-and-I am the One who brings/gets/acquires money?

Who would I be without the thought that I “have” to do stuff, push, be perfect, and “earn” it in any kind of a stressful way?

What if it was really part of nature, like air or water? Like breathing? And I didn’t have to “make” it come and go, like the same way I don’t have to make my heart beat, my lungs breathe, my kidneys function.

If I lived in these turnarounds, my belief system about money might look like this:

• money could go away any minute (how exciting!) or it could come along any minute, like rain or sunshine—I don’t have to have a hissy fit either way
• money is not limited…it moves towards this and that, repairs and all kinds of other possibilities, it’s amazing what it can be traded for
• money does grow on trees (!) I shows up unexpectedly, it’s made from trees, when it’s used, more grows, like apples or food…more always shows up, for the next meal
• I have to relax, rest, watch, wait, play easy
• It’s a gift to “earn” money, I wish money didn’t have to earn ME (I try to be so perfect all the time, and think I don’t deserve it unless I am, jeez!)
• can’t I simply live in my current life, where I see already all my basic necessities are ALWAYS met, and I have lots of books?
• I have to receive great service from each person I meet with, I don’t have to help people (maybe I actually can’t), be “worth” the price—the more my natural, loving self, the better
• I need money (yay!) And yes, I also don’t need it at all. I call that a really good, healthy relationship. No co-dependency here.

This relationship with money really is like my relationship with life.

I noticed long ago, doing The Work on money, that if I substituted the word “God” for money on my worksheets full of stressful thoughts, it showed me my inner relationship with God/Reality/Source/Universe.

The same. God could leave any minute, be required elsewhere, and I needed to earn God’s love and attention, stay vigilant and work hard.

Who would I be without these thoughts?

Magical. Free. Wild. Entering the unknown. Not really “needing” anything, but receiving, using, giving, just by being alive. Air going in, air going out.

“Fill you bowl to the brim and it will spill. Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt. Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench. Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner. Do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity.”~Tao Te Ching #9

When I care about money’s approval, and it feels like it is separate from me and eratic and volatile and uninterested….I am its prisoner.

When I don’t care about money’s approval of me….I notice I create as gloriously as a gushing fountain, I adore working with people, money shows up to celebrate.

Money grows on trees.

Much love, Grace