Tag: money beliefs

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Guilty About Good Fortune?

Even though I’ve looked at my beliefs and stories about money many times, and investigated like my life depended on it (I thought it did)….

….I learned something new after recently kicking off another 8 week teleclass on money AND the Year of Inquiry group underway happens to be on month five, which is MONEY month.

As the beautiful new teleclass group assembled on our conference call and introductions were made, I shared part of my money story.

I heard myself say “I never had to worry about money for most of my life….until that terrible time about ten years ago….”

Later I suddenly realized I still had an upset thought about me NOT having to ever worry about money prior to ten years ago.

Guilt.

My entire childhood, my teen years, my early twenties, my thirties…..I got to have adventures, classes, workshops, therapy, incredible experiences all over the world traveling to many many countries, private horse-back riding, piano and archery lessons, lived overseas several times, grew up in a 5000 square foot house.

I feel a little bad about even mentioning it.

It’s a SECRET.

The very exciting part of the tale of money for me, and my focus for the past few years (and whenever I tell my story) is the dramatic loss of all income, the plummeting savings to zero then below zero, the investments smashed to smithereens, the big house gone, that one Christmas holiday with an inability to buy gifts, the sleepless nights.

But the earlier money story?

People might get jealous. They might not take the hard times in the story so seriously.

They might say something like “waaaah” and pretend they’re playing a violin.

I really shouldn’t complain….I had it good for a really long, long time. I never had to work super hard. I hung out it luxurious places many times. I felt abundant. I was.

But I realized…my guilt was a sharp poking stressful story, like a sticky black inky blemish.

“I shouldn’t complain, most of my life I had it very easy with money”.

It reeks of disturbance, of judgment about having plenty.

Now don’t get me wrong.

That hard time was seriously WHACKO HARD.

And I pulled from it the most amazing sense of personal empowerment and freedom I would never, ever have found without going through it.

I have gratitude, with an almost gasp at the learning and expansion, from having gone through that hard, weird passage of time where money vanished out of my life.

It was incredible.

But before I get sidetracked into talking all about that bad, bad, rough time and everything I learned (see how that’s so sneaky and easy to do?)….

….How about that guilty thing I mentioned?

Having money is lucky, privileged, unusual. People shouldn’t brag about it. I should be grateful for that experience in the past. I shouldn’t complain.

Ever.

Do you ever tell yourself you shouldn’t complain?

Is it true?

Well….YEAH.

People will no longer relate to me, if they knew the whole story.

Is that absolutely true?

No.

How do I react when I remember that fun, easy, carefree life with lots of money in it?

The minute it comes to mind, I smack myself and think I should be more grateful, should have realized what I had, understood my privilege….and then I feel guilty.

Who would I be without the belief that all my early years were full of money and that means I shouldn’t complain or have worries, ever?

I would be deeply aware, more than ever, at how money is one big story, with many little chapters and plots.

For some it’s got big dramatic flare. It’s here, then gone, up then down. For others, its steady, doesn’t change much. For others, its a huge difficult struggle.

Without the thought….

….I would be right here, right now, in this present moment noticing how I feel about money, and how that changes depending every second on what I’m looking at and how I’m looking at it.

“What’s a human being to do? We’ve done the best that we can, and there’s shame and guilt…it’s hard. And out of that comes frustration and self-hatred, and we strike out….But when you work with the mind, the world changes. That’s how it is. Mind is the projector, and the world is the projected. Work with mind and the world follows. It’s so simple.” ~ Byron Katie

Just keep questioning any thought that appears, guilty, private, ashamed, dumb. About money even.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. In case you missed it: Saturday afternoon 1:30-3:30 Pacific Time, Todd Smith and I will be doing a mental cleanse jam, facilitating The Work of Byron Katie together online.

Register here (it’s a minimal fee) on Todd’s website. Join us!

Click Here to Work With Grace and Todd

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Money Can’t Give You What You Really Want

Cherry flowers and dollarLately quite a few clients who work with me have been inquiring into issues related to money. Not just the people in the current money teleclass, but individual clients who normally don’t have troubling beliefs about money come up.

As in….that money should be here with me….right now.

Not over there in someone else’s pocket, or in another bank account, or in cash registers in random stores in the neighborhood, or in those peoples’ wallets.

It should be in MY bank account. MY pocket. MY wallet. MY emergency fund.

That money should travel from over there, to over here. I have a contract, I lent him the money, I gave her my services, this was the agreement! They should have paid me back by now!

DANG!

Even if you don’t have a contract or expectation of being paid, you might harbor a secret feeling or desire for money to move in your direction more often, more easily, more smoothly than it apparently does.

Or not go OUT in such quantities.

Yeah, now that I think about it, why does that thing I want cost so much?

I don’t like money moving from me to over there! I hate “wasting” money. I couldn’t take the plane because of my sore throat, I couldn’t attend the class because of my broken toe, I don’t like the price of this furniture, I won’t spend that much on a hair cut, I need a good deal!

Even if you have lots of money, and zero worries about survival you may notice these kinds of thoughts.

Money in general should be coming toward me and sticking with me, not going away from me. This is always better.

Let’s inquire. You may find something interesting here (I sure have).

Is it true, that having money is better than not having it?

Are you seriously asking this question? Of course it is. Duh!

Stick with me here, in this inquiry. It’s a huge gigantic belief, but it has some serious cracks, and you may find….you don’t really believe it after all.

So is it really absolutely beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt true that having money is better than not having it?

Huh. Well. No. I see people with lots and lots of money not so happy on the inside. I see people with hardly any money having a wonderful time. I see very wealthy people full of love. I see very wealthy people anxious and obsessive about bills and payments. I know people with very small amounts of money completely trusting and satisfied.

I really don’t know if this statement that having more money trumps not having money is even true.

Weird.

How do you react when you believe having money, having more money, having it in motion TO you, vs FROM you….is better?

I complain internally about every bill, anything that’s priced more than “x” dollars. I imagine getting deals, getting things for cheaper. I wonder with irritation about why a refrigerator costs so much. I feel an edgy concern about money lasting so many years and wishing I could help other people instead of be so focused on taking care of myself.

I feel grabby.

I think everyone else agrees that having more is better, and compares amounts, so I don’t mention money much, or discuss it with others.

I criticize that guy I was dating for having piles of it, and I criticize that other guy I was dating for being content with so little.

Oh man. No one is off the radar, I’ve got ideas about everyone and how they got money, where they get money, what they buy with their money, what they sell for money.

It goes on and on. It’s exhausting analyzing everyone.

So who would you be without the thought that having money is better than not having it?

That is a very, very strange and unusual thought.

But maybe not so unusual….not really.

How often during every day do you forget how much money you have?

What do you notice is really, truly important to you? Have you noticed how much you care about connection with people, love, kindness, helping others, supporting people, taking care of your family, having fun, playing, celebrating, resting?

Just, being?

See who you’d be without this thought as you entered a grand fancy hotel lobby, or the private home of a fancy person, or you watched a movie where people were very wealthy and had lots of money.

I feel what it’s like to be there, in a gorgeous sparkling environment. The wonder of looking around and being in awe of what humans create, what they invent. Without any thought whatsoever that having this is better than not having it….I feel pure joy.

Calm, discovery, wonder.

I remember driving through a town of deep poverty in a car in Africa. At least, they said the people were poor. My parents have somehow obtained this car, the people there didn’t have vehicles. They lived in tiny shacks.

Remembering that moment, without the belief that it’s better to have money than not, I see much more. I look out the window without fear. I notice smiling faces, shouting, leaning faces towards the car, curiosity.

Without this thought, I visit another couple of memories.

Me with nothing left in my bank account, unable to buy new presents for my children for Christmas. Me with a hurt ankle and no health insurance. Me with a very limited amount of money available to spend on my own wedding.

Without the belief it would be better to have more money in those moments than I did?

So freeing, so exhilarating!

No shame. Just watching the great coming and going of money as it moves here and there and how fun it all is.

I actually notice, without the belief that having money is better than not having it….and this seems odd but VERY fascinating….

….that I am simply excited, happy, playful with my beliefs about money.

Like I’ve been invited to a game of badminton, and as I’ve gotten the hang of playing badminton, I decide to play tennis. And as I’ve had fun learning tennis, I wander into a game of soccer (far more people playing together). And as I’ve continued soccer I’ve entered games with great energy, many people, sharing, exchanging, throwing balls back and forth, playing tag, dancing, having a blast.

“Nothing is ever going to give you what you want. It’s not going to give you what you want!…If you want money for happiness, like if you wanted to have an experience for example like a trip to India, you want something. You only want that trip to India because you think it will give you something! So you believe if you got everything you want, you think you would be beyond pain, beyond suffering. Isn’t it about finally being safe? And are you safe now? Skip the trip!” ~ Byron Katie

Today, I let myself have the joy of asking if it was true that having more money is better than not….and notice pure gratitude for the money I have, and pure gratitude for the times without money (the joy and silence was so solid, no matter how much money was present)!!

I have just about nothing to do with money and when it comes and goes, just like people. How gentle, relaxed and peaceful to feel this. In this moment, without thoughts about how much money is good or bad, or better or worse, or wasted or used well, I feel such clarity, it’s hard to describe.

Everything around me in motion.

“Stop thinking, and end your problems. What difference between yes and no? What difference between success and failure? Must you value what others value, avoid what others avoid? How ridiculous! Other people have a purpose; I alone don’t know. I drift like a wave on the ocean, I blow as aimless as the wind.” ~ Tao Te Ching #20

Today in inquiry and contemplating my relationship with money, I realize I have done The Work on money so many times, I couldn’t count. But every single time, there is insight. Every time, it’s more expansive.

Money has helped bring me infinity, especially lack of money. OMG, how awesome is that?!

Much love, Grace

 

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Drop Money Pursuits, Discover Silence

In a few hours, a group will begin our work together investigating money beliefs for 8 weeks. As of this moment there are two spots open. Reply back to this email if you want to join us.

As I prepared for this new class, I found such a great letter from a participant last year. I shared it yesterday, but wanted to share it again…because it inspired ME just to re-read it.

From Obsessive Torture to Infinite Support Everywhere

“Can I really take a class on earning money and have the tortures of my obsessive thinking about it let go, even a little? Eight weeks later, the answer turns out to be, yes! What I am taking away from our work together, is that my source of support does not come from black scratchings on a piece of bank statement paper. My bed rock of support is already here, within and without, all around me. Thanks Grace for the thought provoking questions, blog posts and your own findings throughout the class.” ~ Money Class Participant 2013

The thing is, support comes from what is around us and permeating our environment, always. It’s hard for the mind to see this and get a grip.

Especially if it feels threatened.

But really, we’re surrounded by support with everything, whether money, love, a relationship, your job, your home, people hurting you or lashing out, a change of events that seems difficult.

There is air to breathe, a ground to stand on, the sun comes up and there is light, then there is a dark quiet night for resting and silence. There is gravity, you’re connected to the planet, other people (even strangers) walking around, people who can communicate with you. There is food to eat, water to drink (usually).

It’s astonishing what can be available to us when we do inquiry.

When it comes to money, it can seem so confusing. Same with sex too (that class starts on Wednesday, by the way, same time 9 am).

We’re taught that lots of it is a very good thing, but don’t get carried away or irresponsible or stupid about it. You have to be careful. Bad things can happen if you get too much.

You become egotistical, arrogant, all-powerful, exclusive.

If you’re not sure what terrible things can happen if you get too much money (or sex) then just think about a really, really wealthy person and see if there’s anything you dislike about them.

If you like them, then see what you’re worried about happening to that person because of their wealth, or what you’re jealous about if you are. Whatever divides you is the key.

I realized only a short time ago that I had a whole story going about great leaders or spiritual teachers, if they become wealthy and financially viable and strong with big incomes and big businesses, they will forget all about others. They won’t care about the “little” people anymore. They might even find metiresome and they’ll be too busy.

I realized as soon as that idea flitted through my head….I needed The Work.

Heck, the belief could even apply to regular friends. If they become super successful financially, they’ll ditch me.

Rats. My abandonment story again.

Is it true?

Hmmm. Yes. They’d want to go around the world on trips and I wouldn’t be able to join them due to the cost and my responsibilities at home. They’ll want to go out to fancy places. They’ll get too dressed up. They’ll be more interested in all that fun, exciting stuff than me.

How do you react when you believe this kind of thought about money or getting things you desire?

Weird. Like it’s special. Like there’s a gateway someplace through a door into an inner “special” temple. Everyone outside the temple worries or wants to get in. Everyone inside has fun.

Yuck.

Who would you be without the belief that those people with tons of money, success, wealth, or even sex wouldn’t want to hang out with you?

Wow. So much less separation.

No boundaries, in a good way. I might go to places that are for the wealthy and just sit and look around. I’d breathe. I could go to places where there is poverty, and just sit and look around. And breathe.

I notice the kindness hanging out with the homeless guys on a bench (seriously). I notice the kindness of the hostess of the wedding shower who lives in the spectacular Seattle condo. The amazing way people are.

It has nothing to do with me. I show up in every situation and am a part of a huge variety that is practically infinite on the scale of wealth and poverty.

I am soooo lucky. What an amazing life.

Without beliefs about money, poor, rich, I just see colors, sensations, smells, pictures without judgment, without fear or like I know what they mean.

I notice it’s much, much easier to live this way when it comes to money. When it comes to everything.

“I used to believe that I needed money to be happy. Even when I had a lot, I was often sick with the fear that something terrible would happen and I would lose it. I realize now that no amount of money is worth that kind of stress.” ~ Byron Katie

“You are always seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, always after happiness and peace. Don’t you see that it is your very search for happiness that makes you feel miserable? Try another way: indifferent to pain and pleasure, neither asking, nor refusing, give all your attention to the level on which ‘I am’ is timelessly present. Soon you will realize that peace and happiness are in your very nature and it is only seeking them through some particular channels, that disturbs.” ~ Nisargadatta

Turning this particular chapter of the money story around, I think about those wealthy successful leaders or teachers and what I imagine could happen with them.

Maybe I am really thinking these turnarounds: If I become wealthy and financially viable and strong with big income and big business, people I love will forget all about me. Maybe I would forget all about myself, my own inner journey and life. The ‘I am’, the silence.

Maybe I’m afraid I myself wouldn’t care about the “little” people anymore. Maybe I wouldn’t care about myself anymore. I might find everyone, rich and poor, tiresome. I might find my mind too busy, full of thinking, thinking, thinking.

I rest with this awareness, coming back into myself and remembering how temporary all this life is, and how the greatest wonder of all wonders is in the center here, inside, in silence.

“The confusion and frustration come from the last remnants of the addictive seeker, still looking for something else to happen….a little voice that asks ‘What’s next?’ This voice is still the addict talking. It’s the seeker.” ~ Scott Kiloby

If you’d like some rest when it comes to thoughts about money, join me to take a look.

If it’s sexuality and sexual “needs” you think you have…we’ll start on Wednesday.

Still room as of this moment in both classes. Reply back to this email for more information or to get registered.

And meanwhile, even if you don’t ever take a class….relax, relax, relax.

That’s all you really need to do.

Much love, Grace

 

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When You Think You Don’t Have Enough Money

One of my favorite topics for The Work has been Money.

So many thoughts about money, so many sticky areas of concern, so many feelings about buying, selling, getting, accumulating, or losing money.

Many of the beliefs we have about money are like broken records, repeating themselves over and over, and we don’t even realize it.

Well, I sure didn’t realize it.

The beliefs went by so fast and were so nerve-wracking, my usual way was to ignore, avoid and not get involved with money if at all possible. I didn’t really like even noticing my beliefs. They were so stressful!

Trouble is, when you ignore an uncomfortable situation….it tends to build up and get more pronounced over time.

So when I found myself about to lose my home to foreclosure, out of work, unexpectedly divorced, without health insurance, and unable to pay for my children’s music lessons any longer (in fact, they went on the reduced lunch program at school for families with low income)….

….I HAD to look at my beliefs about money.

It all began with one.

I don’t have enough money.

Now, it’s helpful to review with yourself what you don’t have enough money for. You probably have enough money to eat, have a home, sleep, drink water, get your basic needs met.

Maybe you couldn’t buy that car for sale down the block, maybe you can’t go shopping this afternoon and buy lots of clothes. Or maybe you don’t have enough money for guaranteed security, in case something happens? Medical fees in case you have some, later?

Or maybe you don’t have enough money to keep your house, or to stay home instead of going to work at a job you don’t like that much.

So once you see what you don’t have enough money for….

….hold your disappointment and your situation vividly in your mind and answer the four questions.

I don’t have enough money (in my case, to pay off my entire house loan).

Is that true?

Yes, it’s a fact. It’s absolutely true.

But notice how quickly there’s an emotional reaction….it will always be true, this is terrible, I’m stuck, I hate debts and this mortgage is a big one, I HAFTA get more money, this is urgent, I’ll work harder.

Worry, worry. Push, push. Harder, harder!

For some people, this can get exhausting.

So who would you be without the thought? Without the belief that right now you don’t have enough money?

Look around wherever you are, noticing your environment. See if you’re safe, comfortable, supported.

I notice I am.

It’s even exciting, to feel what it’s like without that belief that there’s not enough of something. To trust this moment, not by thinking positively but by actually noticing what is here, right now, in the present.

Turn the thought around: I do have enough money.

It’s so easy for me to see. I have enough to be here in this house right now (even though I owe money on it). I love living here. Every month I send extra to the mortgage company. I’m paying the most I can. It’s actually fun, it’s a game. The balance drops lower every time I open a statement.

Another turnaround: I don’t have enough of myself….and neither does money. 

Yes…..I see how in the past I haven’t shared myself, I’ve been self-critical, I haven’t been a very nice companion to myself, and I haven’t been very kind to money. I’ve yelled at it for leaving me. I’ve felt both inferior and superior to those other people who have a lot of it, or none of it.

I’ve avoided learning about money, I’ve gasped at items that cost huge amounts of money, I’ve been hyper-worried about money, I’ve been disrespectful towards money.

Kinda love/hate.

After that work on money, I began to make friends with money and to trust that I had just the right amount of it at any given moment.

Funny, money comes around more since I started being such a good friend to it, and to myself.

“I began to notice that I always had the perfect amount of money for me right now, even when I had little or none. Happiness is a clear mind. A clear and sane mind knows how to live, how to work, what e-mails to send, what phone calls to make, and what to do to create what it wants without fear.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. We’ll do some good, awesome work on Money and other concerns in Summer Camp for anyone who wants! June, July and August…come one, come all if you’d like to join with me and fellow inquiring travelers for 1, 2 or 3 months of fun, diving into all kinds of investigations on painful beliefs we carry. More on Summer Camp soon!

 

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True Relief In Changing Absolutely Nothing

Only three more spots in the mini retreat this coming weekend. If you want to go from beginning to end investigating one personal dilemma, problem, person, situation, or pattern in your life that causes upset….

….and learn how to facilitate someone through the process as well….

….we’ll go from beginning to end in four hours. Four CEUs for mental health professionals. 1:30-5:30 on Saturday 5/3.

Write grace@workwithgrace.com with questions or to register.

**********

I’ve been teaching the Money teleclass again lately.

I love bringing the awareness of supply to the forefront again, like every time I do the money class.

Looking at money, and what it symbolizes, means, represents.

All the stories, so fantastic, so thoroughly fascinating.

Seeing what you *think* will give you support, time, relaxation or freedom in your life is truly exciting.

Throughout human history, people have had complex and confusing ideas….but very common ones….about what they need in order to have support, security, or freedom.

Money, a boyfriend, a wife, a lover, youth, good parents, a different partner, a guru, a teacher, a method, a meditation retreat, enlightenment, a different mind (we went over that yesterday), a fair divorce, health, weight loss, beauty.

One of my favorite questions that Byron Katie asks is “what would you have, if you had what you think you need in order to be happy?”

So what would you have, if your partner quit smoking? What would you have, if you got married? What would you have, if you won the lottery? What would you have, if you no longer had cancer?

Often we’re just sure we’d have it better. Life would be easier, safer, more interesting, more loving.

I always thought having more money would make life easier.

You pick the thing you want to investigate with me right now…that thing that if it changed, and you got MORE or LESS of it….

….you’d be rockin’ the casbah in no time.

Well….first off….is it true that if you got more (or less) of it that you’d be happy?

Yes. If I won the billion dollar lottery, I’d be jumping up and down, I’d never have to worry again, I’d get so excited to share it, I’d be free to move forward on x, y, z.

Yes. If I had a husband who was a competitive athlete I’d have more health and fitness, and therefore happiness, in my life.

Yes. If I had all the time in the world for retreats I’d be zoning out on bliss and clarity at all times.

Yes. A client of mine said if she didn’t have cancer, all the fear, pain and danger in her day-to-day activities would dissolve.

Yes. Another client said if he go that new promotion, he’d jump for joy.

But can you absolutely know that its true?

I once heard Adyashanti talking about the way we get a nice new car and its awesome for about two weeks. Or less.

Or a new lover. Pretty exciting for some amount of time. Then we find faults. The relationship isn’t giving us what we anticipated or hoped for.

So we start to look for something different, something else. Not quite there yet.

No. I really can’t know its true that if I got what I think I want, I’d be totally and completely satisfied and happy.

But who would you be without the thought that having a bunch of money, or attention, or fame, or love from a person….

….or a bunch less sickness, mental analysis, boredom, work….

….would give you real happiness?

Wow, it’s astonishing.

Without the story that you need anything, in order to be happy, a very strange and exquisite emptiness is felt. Like a big question mark. A very quiet but powerful silence. Everything slows down.

Nothing, absolutely nothing (including the right spiritual message) could give me happiness, that I don’t already have?

You mean I’m not lacking something? Or in need?

I don’t need to have a back-up plan, or save something in reserves for a rainy day? Or keep hunting, endlessly, for my true love, or my true teacher, or the right answer, or enlightenment?

Ha ha!

Without the thought that I need even a drop of something to gain or achieve something better….

….laughter wells up from underneath somewhere, behind and below and all around.

Turning the thought around: I don’t need that thing in order to be happy. Maybe that thing (or person) needs more of me. Maybe I need more of myself, more awareness of what is here.

Well, I sure notice that what I always needed was more of myself, not money, love or security (etc). I kept looking at myself like I was just a mind, thinking thinking thinking.

But we are all so much more than what we *think*.

What does your pinky toe say about this effort to find awareness, enlightenment, money, truth, or health?

Pinky Toe is very happy, already. It doesn’t even “get” trying to find enlightenment or a lover or extra cash.

Phew. Nothing more to do. Nothing to find or get. Nothing to acquire.

You already know that stopping, and resting, is just what the doctor ordered. Sweet, magnificent rest.

“When your image of the me takes a break, you’ll find all you are doing at that moment is just being open. You feel quite relieved that you are not trying to get to another moment or a better experience. You feel yourself just being in a very relaxed, easy sense of peace. You haven’t gained anything at all–you’re not smarter, you don’t necessarily know more than anyone else, and you haven’t suddenly become holy.” ~ Adyashanti

Much love, Grace

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I Wish I Didn’t Want More Money

I want more money.

This belief is not only pervasive, but often, it’s also embarrassing!

It’s like, I want more money but I hate to admit it. I shouldn’t want more money, I hate wanting more money, I’m comfortable without money, I don’t even like the fact that it appears that I need it. Ever. 

If you’ve seen that you don’t NEED more money, you are OK with very small amounts of money, you actually aren’t even interested in buying stuff or upgrading things like your furniture…..

…..it can be tricky to access the inner beliefs about this thing called money and what’s really bothering you.

It’s a little bit like a love/hate relationship, only not that dramatic. Annoying instead. Off. Not exactly loving, kind, trusting and totally relaxed. 

One of my favorite insights came when I began to take Rumi’s advice to heart and in my imagination, gave Money a persona. 

You can do this right now, as you read, if you notice there’s any little discord around money and how you experience it in your mind and heart (and body). 

If Money knocked on your door right now….what would he or she look like? What would the mood of this entity be? How would he or she regard YOU?

Six years ago is when I realized that  if Money knocked on my door, and I opened it….

….what I would see was a homeless addict dressed in rags, holding a cigarette in one hand, eyes flicking around like he’s scared of being followed and doesn’t give a rats ass about whether or not I know him. 

Yikes. 

Fortunately, I invited him within, and looked very deeply and carefully about why he looked like that, and what I imagined was terrible or dangerous about having Money come inside for tea. 

….The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in….Jalaluddin Rumi, from The Guest House

But your image of Money may be less severe. It can change, as circumstances change.

If you can picture your relationship with Money (I do this exercise with people around their relationship with Food as well) what would it appear to look like?

Now ask yourself if you want more of this Money in your life? 

Why or why not? What would it give you that feels positive? What would it give you that’s not so positive?

Is this Money a guest you would rather not entertain?

Is it true that you want MORE money?

No. Not if it means needing it, having to pay attention to it, having to ask people for it, charging for services, trading it for food and shelter. 

Squirm squirm. Can we talk about something else?

How do you react when you believe this thought that Money is a troubling thing, and you’d rather not get involved?

Sad. Frustrated. Uncertain. 

Admonishing myself for not figuring it out sooner. Chiding those Other People With Money for being greedy, selfish, lucky, focused, realistic, immature, materialistic, non-spiritual. 

With the thought and the uncomfortable feelings that follow, I’m stuck.

So, who would you be without the belief that it’s tough to want money, or that you wish you didn’t need it, or that there’s something wrong with you? Without the belief in clutching, resistance, feeling “against” the whole situation?

“So if you have no money, you can apply your mind and say, ‘What action can I take?’ And then become still. Don’t apply your mind without the stillness because, if you start applying your mind without the stillness, you might very soon lose yourself in the mind and that turns into worry. Worry means the mind is controlling you. Worry is always pointless. A solution never comes out of worry.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Without the belief that Money is an uncomfortable guest, a problematic person, you may find a spark of joy and excitement about attraction to it. 

Or, if that’s going a bit far a bit too fast, like getting married after three dates….you may feel compassion for your humanness, for wanting more of this thing called Money….

….for having a body that apparently needs a roof, clothing, food.

….for having a mind that enjoys books, adventures, education.

I turn the thoughts around: I want more money, and it’s OK, it’s natural, it’s part of my spiritual life.

Perhaps I want more “thinking” clearly about money. I want more knowledge, maturity, peace, trust, security about myself.

Could it be that I want more connection to others, more exchange with others, contact, vulnerability, beauty, sharing….and perhaps this need/want for Money has to do with making peace about all this?

If you’re wanting to begin an interesting journey around how you truly feel about Money in your life, no matter how much you have (or don’t have) and you’d like to join a group to do it….

….next week on Wednesday 5:15-6:45 pm PT we begin the 8 week journey into examining the thinking with a live teleclass, limited to 10 people, using The Work to question the beliefs that aren’t so peaceful when it comes to Money.

Click here to register: Investigating Money. Or write grace@workwithgrace.com with questions. 

Much love, Grace

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Stressful Money Head Case Thinking

Wow, thank you so very much to everyone who came to the telesession on Money yesterday morning.

If the conference was full when you tried to connect, fear not. You can listen (and watch) the whole thing right HERE.

If you follow along on the recording, you may find insights into your own thinking about money that you had not seen before. As you listen, you can get out your pen and paper and write with the prompts….and listen to other people’s answers.

It’s amazing how simply taking time to sit still to examine beliefs offers awareness. Often, I have had to enlist guidance of others to help me stay still and focus.

That busy, quick mind just loves to bounce and skip around to multiple stressful thoughts and situations….too many to actually inquire into! Tricky mind!

So, having you all come together is beyond inspiring, loving and supportive. I can’t say enough about this vital element of group connection and focus for successfully questioning the mind!

When I was nearly out of money, had been using my credit card to pay my mortgage, and was frantically looking for a job….

….with only a small amount of funds left in my bank account, I set aside $300 and hired a facilitator of The Work.

It almost seemed like a dumb idea. Didn’t I need that money to buy groceries?

This woman I contacted had a few people who she offered facilitation to, in her busy schedule, at a donation/sliding scale fee. I asked her if she could meet with me for ten sessions for that small amount.

She said yes.

Her name is Martha Creek, and I’m forever grateful for her kind, humorous, direct facilitation.

I had so many thoughts, such anxiety, waves of panic, and terrible images that I couldn’t sit still long enough all by myself to do The Work (I could have questioned that…but at the time, it did not seem true that I could sit still).

One night, I dialed the phone for her number, feeling somewhat hopeless and lost about what else I could question. We were having our 7th session together.

The lights were turned out for both my children. I had the entire night ahead of me, and I really wanted to sleep for some of it, instead of staying awake fretting about how to get more money.

I went into my bedroom and shut the door.

I wasn’t entirely sure The Work was working…and yet, something kept me at it.

I knew in my heart that my thoughts were dictating my reality. I knew my thoughts were so freaked out, I couldn’t see clearly. I also knew that I wanted to know the Truth, not demand that my life go the way I thought best.

Martha asked me to describe a little more what my greatest fear was if I did not somehow secure some money, or an income, SOON.

What would really, really happen then?

I would go live with my mother. She had a house big enough for me to move into her basement. I would move there with my children. She was completely open to this, she had said so.

“You are always welcome in my home if you can’t make it on your own,” she had told me several months before.

I thought of this as a terrible, horrific failure. How could a woman in her 40s, newly divorced, move in with her MOTHER? How awful, how devastating, what a loser, I had thought.

Through my work that night, I questioned my thinking that this was the worst thing that could ever happen when it came to having no money.

“What would be the benefits to moving into your mom’s house?” Martha asked.

Woah. Benefits? Seriously?

I waited. I knew they had to be there, in this world of duality. Nothing is ever 100% terrible.

That night, because Martha stayed with me in a way that I couldn’t stay there for myself, I found the opportunity I would have for being close to my mom, for resolving little anxieties I had about being with her all the time.

I saw how fun it might be to share a cozy room with my two kids. I delighted in thinking of being in a different location and exploring new streets, new shops, new sidewalks.

Maybe all was well. Maybe relying on others was not the disaster I thought.

In the telesession about Money yesterday, several people identified this same troubling belief….

….that relying on others around anything to do with Money is horrible, and necessary, at the same time.

What if you drop the “horrible” part?

Years later now, I look back at that time that I worked so hard on money, and know that something shifted for me dramatically during that session on moving in with my mother.

I stopped being afraid of what would happen next.

I called up my mom the very next day and said “Wow, mom, what would it really be like for you if I moved in? What would you need and want? I’d like to tell you what I would need and want. Instead of feeling like a failure…maybe it would be a success! What do you think, mom?”

We had one of the best conversations we had about money and the little intricacies of living together that we ever had. Honest communication.

Not long after this, my new boyfriend gave me what he called the Birthday Bucket, a donation of money, for my birthday, from people all over the world who knew me. People I hadn’t seen in years even.

(More on that story in a past Grace Note HERE if you want to read that story.)

That donation carried me through another entire month of expenses. During that month, I got a job.

I never had to move in with my mother.

But I’m positive, it would have been OK had it gone that way. I wouldn’t have been a failure.

That was all in my head.

If you’d like to do some in-depth work on money, earning, promoting yourself (if you’re in business or even if you’re looking for a job) then come join me on Thursdays, for 8 weeks, to do The Work on Money with a small group.

We meet 8 – 9:30 am Pacific Time. Click HERE to sign up, or hit reply and write me if you have a question.

Tortures of Obsessive Thinking About Money Gone                                              “Can I really take a class on earning money and have the tortures of of my obsessive thinking about it let go, even a little? Eight weeks later, the answer turns out to be, yes!    
What I am taking away from our work together, is that my source of support does not come from black scratchings on a piece of (bank statement) paper. My bed rock of support is already here, within and without, all around me. Thanks for the thought provoking questions, blog posts and your own findings through out the class.” ~ JD, Money Teleclass Participant   

With Love, Grace

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Money, Selling, and Getting Ripped Off

I am doing a telesession on Money. I’ve been thinking about money a lot and assessing my own relationship with money, especially since I’m teaching my 8 week teleclass starting Tuesday mornings next week.

You can join the session on Sunday, Dec. 1st 8:30 am even if you have no interest in ever taking the teleclass on money…this is a chance to gather together as a group and move through some of the exercises I’ve built in order to understand, relieve confusion, and experience greater peace with money.

Your comments and experience will help refine the inquiry process. Plus if you ARE interested in signing up for the class, you’ll get a taste for it and see if you like it.

And I won’t sell sell sell (ha ha).

Now, the irony of saying this doesn’t escape me. On a call about money.

I’ve noticed the great discomfort, resistance, irritation and fear around “selling” or promoting, marketing, announcing one’s wares or services.

Selling appears to be defined as trying to convince, persuade, get someone to buy something. I looked up the origin of the word and it comes in part from a Norse word to “give up”.

A suspicion arises…someone “trying” to sell me something means that person is going to only tell me the good stuff, not the bad stuff. They’re going to leave things out, be dishonest, have a personal agenda to “get” from me.

I remember many years ago going into a place that opened in my neighborhood that taught physical fitness, yoga and well-being. The business model was that a person became a member and signed a contract.

I went through the schpeel. I wanted the fitness and yoga classes. It was very convenient to my house.

There was a manager sort of person, with notebooks and financial amounts written on papers that were then crossed off, and a final amount for lifetime membership and lists of all the benefits I would have by being involved.

The thing is, I had already decided when I went in that I wanted to join….then there was all this extra rigamarole and I took home a contract. When reading the fine print, and what was expected, I realize it all just seemed too weird and permanent. Something fishy.

I drove back up the next day, and I’m the one that had to do a lot of convincing this time, eventually to another manager, to get out of the contract.

I had to write a letter and sign it and get it notorized in order to officially drop this payment plan I had signed up for! I didn’t really understand.

I never got to take one single class….and it left a really weird taste in my mouth about that place. I secretly said “good” when I saw the company fold and leave the building.

But who would I be without the thought that I might get duped, tricked, enlist in something that doesn’t work, lose, or come out no better than when I started?

Who would I be without the thought that I could be fooled, or conned out of money?

I’d notice how much I care about honesty, integrity, and staying in touch with my inner yes or no. I’d notice how money comes and goes and I have a deep inner awareness of participating in all that.

I see how all these dear humans are trying their best, and notice how I am also doing my best…and we all don’t really have absolute answers.

I turn the thought around that I was pushed, that those people tried to “get” me against my better judgment….

….and I see my part in the drama.

In that situation with the wellness yoga center, the truth is…they didn’t trick me.

I tricked them. I didn’t say right in the middle of the conversations what I was thinking: “what’s all this with the sales pitch? I just want to take some classes? is everything OK around here, because something feels a little off?”

“Is there anyone in this room that has never been supported? Including you, sweetheart? I invite everyone in this room to find one time when you were not supported. It’s not possible. There’s no time in your life when you have not been supported. I’ve never met any human being that can find one moment that they were not supported. On your own! With or without a job. Can anyone find one moment when they were not supported? [Pause] I can’t either.” ~ Byron Katie

Even in the moment when someone tried to RIP ME OFF….

….is it possible I was supported? Even if money moved from my pocket over to theirs, never to return?

Yes. I’ve learned to stay, wait, slow down, not make any desperate quick decisions. I’ve learned that there are no emergencies for money.

These things I learned could only come about through these experiences.

And now…I’m learning once again to expose myself and what I offer, be real, be honest, invite people to join me in self-inquiry and that sometimes no money is exchanged, sometimes money is exchanged, and the money coming and going is all doing what it does, peacefully.

Without my mind and my thinking getting too involved.

When it does….I can question it!

Click HERE to jump over to the link to sign up for the Money Inquiry on Sunday. 20 people can attend live via phone, to do The Work and participate actively, then many more can listen via their computer. You choose which you prefer!

Either way, it’ll be fun and interesting.

With Love, Grace

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Dirty Nasty Money Thoughts

There was a long line at the local grocery store check out. A mom with a huge shopping cart full of food and her toddler son in the kid seat, and a young couple with a hand-held shopping basket were still in front of us.

I was with my boyfriend waiting in line. We had been dating for over two years and we knew each other pretty well, and loved each other’s company. 

This was the easiest, most natural, relaxed time I had ever had while dating.

No plans, rules, formalities, assumptions, expectations. Both of us married and divorced in the past, not so interested in “making” any commitments happen….very present moment and simple. There could be no tomorrow. No problem. 

Except…..

….we got to the check stand and the clerk rang up all our grocery items. We had four bags full of food, and some was for him, some was for me, some was for both of us. 

He wasn’t reaching for his wallet. The clerk said “that’ll be $72.91”. 

I was standing right in front of the grocery clerk, my boyfriend was still near the magazines and candy looking at the cover of something. 

I waited another second. I reached for my own wallet slowly. Inside my head “OMG I am going to HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS!” 

This was when he was supposed to look up and say “Oh! I got it!” and take out his credit card.

I’m adding up how much I have in my bank account, thinking about if there’s anything I could put back….

…mostly thinking about if there was some way I could HINT at the need for some financial participation here without saying “pay for this!”

Which would be sooooo rude.

Nothing. 

I came up with no possible way to ask for a contribution, or to get him to pay, that wouldn’t ALSO make me look like a sleeze-ball greed-monger cheap dependent poverty-oriented desperate sexist single mom.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that! Heh heh.

Why couldn’t he just have the mentality of LOVING being the guy that pays for everything? He should be THAT kinda guy!

Because then I feel taken care of, safe, secure, loved and supported. 

Yikes. 

Time for The Work. 

And all this came out of one short move that lasted literally 5 seconds. Him not taking out his wallet and not offering to pay.

  • he doesn’t care about me
  • he is not supportive
  • I’ll never get to relax financially in this relationship
  • if he doesn’t pay, it means he EXPECTS ME to pay
  • this is not safe
  • this is not fun, special or of financial benefit
  • he doesn’t make me feel like a pampered woman

Ewww. This was difficult for an independent, sister goddess, celebrating, joyful, feminine-powered woman to notice, that I imagined myself to be.

Another voice came in riding the tails of the first voice: You want the man to pay? What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know that’s from the slave-ownership man-dominated era? Aren’t the guys who always pay usually jerks?

And by the way, you can NEVER, EVER admit these thoughts, or he’d be shocked, hurt, upset and scared. 

Of course, I had done The Work for over two years solid on money, constantly (mostly since I had so little) and was living somehow with a mind that also constantly questioned itself, and was devoted to full-blown honesty (most of us find this more fun).

So ten minutes later, I was talking about just exactly what was inside my mind, on our walk home, carrying the groceries that I had just paid for.

I knew I wanted to enter who I would be WITHOUT the thought that any of those thoughts were true. I knew I was running stories.

My feelings told me.

I said to him, “I was just having these kinds of thoughts (see above bulleted list). But I realize I am assuming a LOT. I don’t know if it’s TRUE that you want ME to pay, that you don’t support me, or that you don’t think I’m worthy.”  

He was surprised and took out his wallet and gave me cash for half the amount, and told me he was absolutely happy to share expenses!

Hmmm. Different than the whole Its-On-Me thing. More….more….shared. 

Maybe who is paying for what has nothing to do with love, support, fun, specialness. Maybe relationships could have nothing to do with financial benefit, expectations for paying or not paying, safety, or being pampered. 

  • he does care about me, I don’t care about him, or myself right then (I was silent)
  • he is supportive….I was not supportive of myself in that moment
  • I am completely relaxed financially in every moment, when I really look
  • if he doesn’t pay, it does NOT mean he expects me to pay
  • this is safe, it is all safe
  • this is fun, special and of financial benefit, or not, so what?
  • I make me feel like a pampered woman (and so does he)

It was strange having all the walls fall down about money and relationship. But they were stories from ancient times….and they made no sense any more, for me.

The more I have questioned my dirty, nasty, embarrassing thoughts about money and who is supposed to pay, give, take or keep it and where it’s supposed to come from…

….the greater the freedom, the more relaxed, safe, supported, loved by all the universe, whether money is around or not. 

“How do you react when you believe that thought, that someone owes you? Now flow into who you would be without the thought that he owes you? Now turn the thought around…you owe him….you owe yourself….

This dream world that we call earth and life, it’s duality: good/evil, right/wrong, up/down, left/right, polarity. And as we question our mind, we leave the Other World, we leave the world of duality and we find ourselves in a whole other paradigm right here on earth. It leaves the world without an enemy.” ~ Byron Katie 

Come join the adventure of questioning your very painful, conflicting beliefs about money, earning, other people’s money, your mate’s money….with 8 weeks of inquiry, who knows what can happen. You may leave your world behind. 

The Money Teleclass starts in 2 weeks at 8 am Pacific Time. Register or find out more by clicking HERE.

Love, Grace

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Seeing Clearly Now With Money

In the past six months or so, I’ve had a handful of clients who live abundant lives financially, have really amazing careers (a doctor, a TV personality, a published author, a financial advisor, a psychotherapist) who have touched on some annoying or anxious thoughts about money.

I can’t make any changes in what I do, if I did…I would have less money, or no money. I have to make money. I have to keep this up. My security and comfort depends on my practice, my uniqueness, staying married, on working hard.

I used to think that people with really rockin’ careers (as in higher education and lots of work, or a thriving business) had it made.

They hit the Big Time, they were set. They could get on with other concerns, because this major one was handled.

But I realized that every single person I’ve ever worked with around money, who appeared to have it, often had the similar worries as those without it.

Last week I wrote a check to pay off my last loan (except for my house mortgage) after plummeting into debt like the Titanic about six years ago, when going through divorce.

This loan was a home equity line of credit. This is one of those loans that are offered in connection with your house. The bank lends you the money because they know that if you can’t pay, they’ll be able to take your house as back up.

Back when I had this open line of credit that I could spend, I used a small portion of it to make my garage into a room for my son…and then used the rest over a period of about 18 months to pay my regular house mortgage and buy food.

So, in other words…I used a loan on the house to pay for the house.

It would be like saying to a person who had loaned me money, “can I have another loan, so I can make monthly payments on the first loan that I already owe you?’

But at the time, it appeared to be the only option, since I went to probably 25 job interviews, still had no work, no health insurance, and my house wasn’t worth the original price, so even if I walked away and sold it, I still wouldn’t have been able to pay the debt.

Dang, that was rough!

I could have so easily foreclosed. But that’s not what happened (to read about what did happen, go to a previous Grace Note by clicking HERE).

What became clear is that the most peaceful, joyful, steady, solid way to be with all that terror about money, debt, security and loss was that I was supposed to pay off my debt, one dollar at a time if that’s what it took.

Clarity became NOT being concerned with the future, but instead feeling the beauty of the present moment, no matter what kind of worldly problems were screaming around me.

Instead of believing “I am doomed” and “it will take me forever to get out of this mess” or even “I have lost”…

…I questioned everything and kept taking one step at a time forward.

In fact, that’s all I COULD do.

I could question my thinking, look at the fearful beliefs, investigate the reality of money, houses, loans, jobs, income, employment, receiving, security…anything worrisome or stressful.

You may be someone who is not in emergency mode about money.

But I say, question your beliefs about it anyway. 

Just like all the clients I’ve mentioned who apparently have money, who noticed they still get worried about it.

You have to earn money….to have easy retirement, security in your old age, luxury in your daily life, vacations, so that you can give to your kids and friends, in order to be charitable.

You have to earn money so you never, never, ever, ever go into debt again…

…Is that true?

Yes! I will never stop! I will push, work hard, avoid vacations and free time, nose-to-the-grindstone! I will not quit! I will accumulate, gather, store, invest, and keep as much as possible, never letting up!

I will continue to advance my career! I must earn money! I must have money!

YIKES!

So yeah. Heh, heh. Does that sound stressful?

Because for me, it is, when I’m believing those thoughts. The clients with money noticed this as well.

Who would you be without the thought that you really need that money you have, you need to keep working at something that’s not very fun, you “have to” keep your money and not let it out of your sight, or be very careful with it?

Without these thoughts, I have space inside me. The world seems to be busy and active, and yet, I am still and quiet.

No stressful concern for the future.

All I know to do is be here, today, with a deep breath, relaxation, kindness to myself and to the reality moving around me.

I know when not to spend money or when to spend it, there is no compulsionto get, have, grab, store, give it away, do something.

I might store some away because it’s fun, because there’s nowhere else it needs to go at the moment. I might stop doing parts of my “work” because it isn’t meaningful, and I know to stop.

Without the stressful thoughts, I honor my own happiness. I have deep integrity with other people.

“The ideas in your head – the thoughts that tell you something about who you are and what you are worth – are ultimately illusory. It is illusory both when the thoughts are good, and when the thoughts are negative. The illusory nature can perhaps be more easily recognized when the thoughts become negative and cause suffering. Suffering can be an awakener.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Turning the thoughts around about needing to earn, maintain, have, give and keep money…

…I find that I do not need to. And, I am out of debt. That is a stunning, wonderful feeling. I am overjoyed. I have enough. I need very little. I continue to do what is next in front of me.

In these turnarounds, I free myself of illusion, even without massive suffering.

Or maybe because of massive suffering. I don’t know.

I can see clearly now.

Much love, Grace

P.S. The next 8 week Money teleclass isn’t scheduled yet, but stay tuned and watch the list below, always below Grace Notes emails, for the next one. I’d love to hear your favorite times/days, write me if you’d like to make a request!