In the past six months or so, I’ve had a handful of clients who live abundant lives financially, have really amazing careers (a doctor, a TV personality, a published author, a financial advisor, a psychotherapist) who have touched on some annoying or anxious thoughts about money.
I can’t make any changes in what I do, if I did…I would have less money, or no money. I have to make money. I have to keep this up. My security and comfort depends on my practice, my uniqueness, staying married, on working hard.
I used to think that people with really rockin’ careers (as in higher education and lots of work, or a thriving business) had it made.
They hit the Big Time, they were set. They could get on with other concerns, because this major one was handled.
But I realized that every single person I’ve ever worked with around money, who appeared to have it, often had the similar worries as those without it.
Last week I wrote a check to pay off my last loan (except for my house mortgage) after plummeting into debt like the Titanic about six years ago, when going through divorce.
This loan was a home equity line of credit. This is one of those loans that are offered in connection with your house. The bank lends you the money because they know that if you can’t pay, they’ll be able to take your house as back up.
Back when I had this open line of credit that I could spend, I used a small portion of it to make my garage into a room for my son…and then used the rest over a period of about 18 months to pay my regular house mortgage and buy food.
So, in other words…I used a loan on the house to pay for the house.
It would be like saying to a person who had loaned me money, “can I have another loan, so I can make monthly payments on the first loan that I already owe you?’
But at the time, it appeared to be the only option, since I went to probably 25 job interviews, still had no work, no health insurance, and my house wasn’t worth the original price, so even if I walked away and sold it, I still wouldn’t have been able to pay the debt.
Dang, that was rough!
I could have so easily foreclosed. But that’s not what happened (to read about what did happen, go to a previous Grace Note by clicking HERE).
What became clear is that the most peaceful, joyful, steady, solid way to be with all that terror about money, debt, security and loss was that I was supposed to pay off my debt, one dollar at a time if that’s what it took.
Clarity became NOT being concerned with the future, but instead feeling the beauty of the present moment, no matter what kind of worldly problems were screaming around me.
Instead of believing “I am doomed” and “it will take me forever to get out of this mess” or even “I have lost”…
…I questioned everything and kept taking one step at a time forward.
In fact, that’s all I COULD do.
I could question my thinking, look at the fearful beliefs, investigate the reality of money, houses, loans, jobs, income, employment, receiving, security…anything worrisome or stressful.
You may be someone who is not in emergency mode about money.
But I say, question your beliefs about it anyway.
Just like all the clients I’ve mentioned who apparently have money, who noticed they still get worried about it.
You have to earn money….to have easy retirement, security in your old age, luxury in your daily life, vacations, so that you can give to your kids and friends, in order to be charitable.
You have to earn money so you never, never, ever, ever go into debt again…
…Is that true?
Yes! I will never stop! I will push, work hard, avoid vacations and free time, nose-to-the-grindstone! I will not quit! I will accumulate, gather, store, invest, and keep as much as possible, never letting up!
I will continue to advance my career! I must earn money! I must have money!
YIKES!
So yeah. Heh, heh. Does that sound stressful?
Because for me, it is, when I’m believing those thoughts. The clients with money noticed this as well.
Who would you be without the thought that you really need that money you have, you need to keep working at something that’s not very fun, you “have to” keep your money and not let it out of your sight, or be very careful with it?
Without these thoughts, I have space inside me. The world seems to be busy and active, and yet, I am still and quiet.
No stressful concern for the future.
All I know to do is be here, today, with a deep breath, relaxation, kindness to myself and to the reality moving around me.
I know when not to spend money or when to spend it, there is no compulsionto get, have, grab, store, give it away, do something.
I might store some away because it’s fun, because there’s nowhere else it needs to go at the moment. I might stop doing parts of my “work” because it isn’t meaningful, and I know to stop.
Without the stressful thoughts, I honor my own happiness. I have deep integrity with other people.
“The ideas in your head – the thoughts that tell you something about who you are and what you are worth – are ultimately illusory. It is illusory both when the thoughts are good, and when the thoughts are negative. The illusory nature can perhaps be more easily recognized when the thoughts become negative and cause suffering. Suffering can be an awakener.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Turning the thoughts around about needing to earn, maintain, have, give and keep money…
…I find that I do not need to. And, I am out of debt. That is a stunning, wonderful feeling. I am overjoyed. I have enough. I need very little. I continue to do what is next in front of me.
In these turnarounds, I free myself of illusion, even without massive suffering.
Or maybe because of massive suffering. I don’t know.
I can see clearly now.
Much love, Grace
P.S. The next 8 week Money teleclass isn’t scheduled yet, but stay tuned and watch the list below, always below Grace Notes emails, for the next one. I’d love to hear your favorite times/days, write me if you’d like to make a request!