Tag: money

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Money – Gathering Money Like A Bee Gathers Honey

Oh so excited to begin the 8-week journey with Money starting Wednesdays 4/16.

Details: 5:15 pm – 6:45 pm Pacific Time. Click Here for more.

There are no guarantees of course for any “cures” about anything in life….like lack of money or painful relationships or ways to prevent traumas from occurring.

But I love that with The Work of Byron Katie one can first identify what it is running in their minds, that they never even thought of questioning before….and then take it into a personal, deep investigation to see if its really true.

Just because you investigate doesn’t always mean you find out it isn’t true for you, ever ever, or that suddenly all is supremely well and you never think about that issue again.

When I had no money left, no money coming in, a negative balance because of debt, and was ready to give up entirely….

….I couldn’t do some kind of mind trick, or The Work, and create a full bank account and freedom from debt in one day.

Affirmations or positive thinking were not the answer, that’s for sure.

This internal work is not about snapping your fingers, magic, instant wealth (unless it is). It is about looking, deeply, carefully, steadily at what is the truth and what is being called for in your life.

What are you being invited to see? What are you being invited to do? What have you believed about money and the flow in and out of resources in your life….maybe since you were a kid?

These are big, wide questions.

When I was panicking and with so very little money in my life at a time of great change, I had to answer these questions if I really wanted to take a good look.

I felt like I was on the Titanic. There was a humongous leak in my thinking, and I was going down fast. My ship prior to that time had looked like there wasn’t really a major problem. I had been in calm, shallow seas.

(Notice the word “shallow”).

I had not been forced to look at how I viewed money, until there was a major crisis in my life.

Not everyone gets the excitement, adventure and powerful possibilities for change that I got. It took a dramatic shock for me to wake up and stop pretending that I didn’t need, want or care about money….or find it all that valuable.

And here’s the funny thing that happened: when I really investigated, when I lost just about everything (all that was necessary to wake me up) I cared in a very deep, abiding, wonderful way.

I started a joyful love affair with money where I trusted it by loving and trusting myself.

And money began to trust me. I became a good caretaker of it.

As I did The Work, with the help of a wonderful facilitator by the way (I couldn’t sit and do that work on my own, my mind raced too quickly with fear) I was able to find a new kind of energy from within.

It didn’t really have to do with money. Money was a manifestation of the loving energy I had found.

I was able to be honest, clear, and kind…..with my own mind, with my own thinking.

If you find that you have distrust, fear, anxiety, worry about the future, discomfort with your past around money….and you’re ready to take a look at some of your stressful thoughts and money….

….consider joining our group on Wednesday this week via phone or skype. There are 3 more spots available.

“The wise who are trained and disciplined Shine out like beacon-lights. They earn money just as a bee gathers honey without harming the flowers, and they let it grow as an ant-hill slowly gains in heights. With wealth wisely gained they use it for the benefit of all.” ~ Digha Nikaya

Life with money is fascinating, mysterious, and sometimes very unsettling.

The good news: your thinking is the unsettled thing, not so much money. It does what it does.

But if you question your own thinking, you may see money differently, feel differently, notice differently.

“If people are living their lives for security and comfort and pleasure, then mind’s every waking moment will be plotting those things. That’s how it stays identified – as a body, as a you. The moment it begins to question itself, the mind becomes so clear that it starts working with itself rather than with the body’s identification.” ~ Byron Katie

Honey Money. Money Honey. You are a fabulous bee.

What a fun, thrilling investigation.

Much love, Grace

 

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Create A Safe Place Inside You, Investigating Money

Next week another wonderful group is going to begin to examine beliefs that are upsetting about money.

If you’re really worried about not having enough, for example….it could be very liberating to question.

You also may be opposed to giving money for a class about money, even though you’re aware that “spending” some time taking a deeper look at your relationship and thoughts about money might be REALLY powerful.

(If that’s the case, and you’re really low on income right now, write to me by the way. I don’t refuse people if they want this work, there is room in the class, and they happen to be unemployed or some other difficult circumstance).

Thoughts about money are often that it is limited, there isn’t enough, and you may hurt….later….unless you’re really careful. So it’s hard to let it go.

Trouble is, if it’s hard to let go of, it may be also hard to receive.

Let’s take a look today at one of my favorite investigations on money.

Why do you want more? 

What would more money give you, if you had it?

Even just a wee bit, but perhaps a LOT more, it doesn’t matter. You have your dream, and it involves more money. Maybe for you, you’d like more money that is all clearly yours, your bank account, your own resources, a fund just for YOU and no one else. 

You earned it, you deserve it, your ideas created it.

Now, don’t you go and start feeling guilty. Don’t think you’re a selfish first-world nervous ninny, or that you should feel grateful instead of grabby.

You feel the way you feel. 

There are no rules. We’re entering this work from the point of view of reality. All things possible. Everything capable of change, right in this second. Nothing static. No guarantees. Wild mystery. 

And money, it appears, is a form of exchange here on planet earth. You trade it for other things. You express what you care about with it. You use it for what serves you.

So what would more money give you? Or different money, if you’re clear that simply more isn’t that interesting?

In sitting with this deeply over time, I found the following qualities I believed would be present, with ample money: assurance, support, safety, comfort, insurance against difficult times in the future, fun, adventure, happiness, generosity, excitement, joy.

Yowser, that’s a lot of expectations on money.

Without any money, the opposite qualities come to mind, in this world of duality:hunger, pain, sickness, abandonment, threat, discomfort, worse times in the future, seriousness, boredom, narrow life, unhappiness, not able to be generous, neediness, panic, grief.

Time for inquiry.

Is it true that with money….the good stuff…..without money….the bad stuff? 

No. I’ve seen very wealthy people who are totally worried and anxious and insecure. I’ve seen very poor people who are excited, joyful and open. I’ve been both myself! (What a trip).

How do I react when I believe my thoughts about money?

My body is flooded with stress, anxiety. I begin planning. I work until midnight. I feel competitive with time…like I’m racing against a limited amount. 

Must. Get. There. Before. I. Die. 

I remember being a child, who didn’t have to worry about money or food or loss. It seems so long ago. I think of the world as a hard-ass, complicated, tricky place when it comes to money, work, payments, receipts, calculations, amounts moving from here to there.

I want to give up. Deflated. Worth less. 

Who would I be without these thoughts about wanting more money, needing a certain amount of money, or that money represents safety, security, ease in the future?

Really. This is a huge big incredible leap into another paradigm. A world without negative, busy, anxious thought. A world with room to breath and look around.  

Without the thought that I want more “money” (safety, joy, excitement, adventure, comfort, insurance) or that I don’t have enough?

Instead of nerves, my body is flooded with sweetness. 

Eyes wide open. I see my hands, the edges of the frames of my new purple reading glasses, I feel the chair beneath my thighs, my heart beating. 

Without the idea that more would be better….I would be stunning really. I take the deepest breath and notice it’s enough. Something is very exciting here. This moment. 

“On the surface, this is about finances. But beneath that, this question comes from the feeling that your life can be taken away from you. You think that money protects you from total loss of control and if there isn’t enough of it, unseen forces will overwhelm you. Rather than tackling the money issue, it’s time to create a safe place inside you.” ~ Deepak Chopra

If little piles of colored paper with faces on it, and round metal pieces of various sizes, had nothing to do with my future security, my happiness, a sense of adventure, comfort, care, worthiness or safety….

….I notice the joy of having what I have. Starting with lungs that can breathe. A house, a beautiful office, a driveway, a yard, an entire world full of adventures right in my own neighborhood. I have connection, intimacy, joy and fun.

And within, within, a vast space of silence, vibrating emptiness, thrill, ease, fearlessness, courage, creativity in this colorful moment.

Unlimited.

Without any rules about money or beliefs about money, I can get up and walk and knock on the next door and ask for work. I can ask people questions who have a whole lot of money or who have very little money. I can lie in the sun on the grass and stay there as long as I like. I can find a place to live where there is no need to give money in exchange. I can feel the spectacular energy of artistic creativity pouring out of me in the form of service, writing my book, ideas for inquiry.

I turn the thoughts around. 

I want more of me, here now. I want myself. All my thinking, all my feelings, everything welcome. I want my thoughts…I love my thoughts. My thoughts bring me assurance about myself. 

Maybe money wants more of me, too. Maybe it’s waiting for my next move, with joyous anticipation.

How can I bring myself assurance, with my own thinking, instead of wanting this thing called money to bring assurance to me? 

Wow. I can give myself adventure, support, safety, comfort, generosity, happiness, joy. 

“When you are concerned with making money you want the future more than the present. Whenever you want the future more than you want the present, true intelligence cannot flow into what you do, because it can do so only when you are totally aligned with the present moment. So, instead, what you do is ego, or it comes from ego……Whatever you do in your daily life – driving from here to there, trying to reach someone on the phone, doing this or that – you always are going toward somewhere. That’s inevitable. But the question is: Is that purpose in the future more important to you than what you are doing in the present? If it is, then it is a form of ego. The ego always looks toward the next moment for some kind of fulfillment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

In this moment, I give abundantly to myself by staying here, with this sparkling, peaceful, mysterious present moment.

“We join spokes together in a wheel, but it is the center hole that makes the wagon move. We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want. We hammer wood for a house, but it is the inner space that makes it livable. We work with being, but non-being is what we use.” ~ Tao Te Ching #11 

If you’d like to join a group on the phone or skype, look at an exercise each week to help uncover those fascinating and sometimes exceptionally painful concerns about money, then write to me at grace@workwithgrace.com. We start next Wednesday 4/16 at 5:15 pm Pacific time.

The emptiness inside holds whatever you want. 

When you know this to be true (and you do) then who knows what can happen, right now, with money. 

Much love, Grace

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Nothing Ever Goes Wrong

Yesterday morning in our YOI (Year of Inquiry) Tuesday group we began looking at The Worst That Could Happen, our topic for the month.

It’s not easy. 

Often the way the human mind works is that it will flash images of that worse case scenario, and also chatter (or scream) at you about how you better make sure to prevent it or do everything you can to try.

Then your mind will also say “You have to stop thinking about this! Control yourself! What’s wrong with you?!”

When people think of the worst case scenarios that could happen in their lives, just the very exercise of calling this forth can be stressful, troubling. 

Why think about that? Don’t we have enough stress as it is, with regular life, not to add in MORE drama and trauma? Jeez, are you trying to bring me down?

But returning and considering my greatest fears, many times now using The Work, has been a way to stop, wait, pause, investigate and actually melt that pain.

Really.

While people had very disturbing worst case scenarios in our group yesterday…..death of those we love, destruction, loss, suicide, trapped…..one brave inquirer focused on losing all possessions, money, assets, and her home.

Can you imagine it?

It’s an alarming idea for many. Owning nothing, having nothing.

Let’s look at a very simple, very painful thought, that appears for so many at some time in our lives. It doesn’t necessarily have to be losing your savings, or house. It may be your marriage, your youth, your family, your sanity, your freedom.

You lost it. 

Is that true?

Yes. I once had a big beautiful house. I once was a child who never worried about money, or body image (which plagued me in my twenties). I once had two young children and an intact family. I once had a leg without huge scars in it from 250 stitches, accidents and cancer. I once had a dad who was alive.

I lost them all.

Can I absolutely know that it’s true, that I lost them? 

No. First of all, I do remember all these things, I remember them before, and after. I feel the joy of having had them, and now, I have something different. I know everything in this entire world is temporary, everything changes. 

Second of all, I’m not sure who the “I” is who lost something. Even if I did know who or what “I” was, I definitely can’t know that “I” lost it.

So how to I react when I think the thought that I lost something, or that I COULD lose something around the next corner?

Sad, terrified, anxious, full of plans, controlling my environment, expending energy on keeping things together. Spending time thinking about losing stuff, distracting myself from believing this, talking myself down.

Quick! Think about something nice!

When I was a little kid of about 8 years old, my dad told me I could think about something pleasant if I woke up having a nightmare. I thought of a dancing ballerina wind-up music jewelry box. 

But it didn’t really work all that well. I’d feel the haunting nightmare over my right shoulder, while staring into the spinning ballerina and hearing the music in my mind, kind of like stuck between the two paradigms. Believing both were possible.

It helped a little. Maybe.

With the thought that loss is possible? Panic. Worry. Sadness.

Who would I be without that thought though? Not as an act of dancing ballerina, but instead seeing this thing full on that I am calling loss: no house anymore, no money, no car, no health, no family. It’s gone.

But I don’t have the thought that it is lost.

I sit for a moment. I watch the mind rattle that idea around. I look around, even right now, typing as rain hits the window pane. The quiet room pulsing with life. Lights, cup, table, fingers.

Without the thought that if something is gone, it MEANS that it is LOST….

….a very small chuckle, a kind of pin prick of light enters in the back of my mind. Sort of behind, from somewhere in the distance, and yet not the distance. A fluttering in the center of my chest. Tears almost choking up into my throat, but they are oddly joyful, a warm buzzing heat through my whole body.

Nothing is lost. 

I found it. 

Could this be as true, or truer? 

Like the moment in the movie Titanic when Leonardo Dicaprio unhooks from the destroyed piece of floating ship raft, and his frozen body sinks and fades into oblivion, into the ocean. Not lost. Found. 

“Nothing ever goes wrong.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

What if all these things lost me?

I try on this turnaround. They lost me. I became unhooked from those stories, I stopped knowing which way was up or down, I fell backwards, I relaxed, I stopped pushing forward, I surrendered, people helped me. 

In that terrible moment of the Worst Case Scenario, how would I know it’s not really the best case scenario? Maybe death, letting go, endings, giving up, hands opening, stopping….maybe these are where we are going anyway, all of us. No choice in the matter. 

All I know is, when I lost my house, my money, most of my possessions….it was a wake up call of a lifetime. It rocked and shook things up so deeply and I came to a fork in the road where I could HATE myself or LOVE myself, and everyone involved. 

I could find fault with others and this situation, and with myself….or not. 

I did The Work, and I couldn’t choose anything but love, or I would have been lying.

Since I “lost” everything, I have gained confidence, clarity, aliveness, energy, freedom, creativity, an inner silence that is unshakable (so far…mostly), and a sense that I can handle just about anything that was never before felt. I have a thriving and growing business doing The Work. I’m writing a book. I have zero debt with the exception of one mortgage, that I’m paying off. 

Would I trade that, for having that house and money that I “lost” back?

No. Thank you.

“That’s why you usually have a good laugh, because you realize that all your struggles were made up. You conjured them up out of nothing–with a thought that was linked to another thought, that was then believed, that linked to another thought that was then believed. But never could it have been true, not for a second could it have actually existed. Not ever could you have actually suffered for a reason that was true–only through an imagination, good, bad, indifferent.” ~ Adyashanti

If you’d like to go on a journey exploring your stories about MONEY starting next week at 5:15 pm-6:45 pm pacific time, join me for an 8 week trip. It may change your entire story. It sure changed mine.

We start 4/16 and end 6/4….but you can keep going after that. 

And the story might get better and better. 

Much love, Grace

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The Secret Surprise In Giving Up Security With Money (or Food)

I am thrilled to say that a completely updated, exciting and light-bulb blasting 8 week money telecourse is fresh off the press. Over time with teaching the class so often, we’ve zoned in on some powerful ways to dig into the beliefs under the surface when it comes to money….

…the underlying ones you can’t always get to unless you take a little time out to look. 

Money, and all it means, can bring massive tension. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, or somewhere in between. 

The beliefs sit below as a foundation. Sometimes festering. Bringing about anxiety, suspicion, insecurity, concern, judgment about other people, worry about the future, wanting to avoid things from the past ever repeating again. 

We’ll start soon, on Wednesdays. Most likely on April 16th at 5:15 pm Pacific Time. Hit reply if you’re interested and I’ll be sure to include you on updates. 

Speaking of Underlying Beliefs (my favorite!)….

….this weekend a few inquirers will be doing some excavating in the realm of food and eating. (If you’re interested, we’re swimming in this topic on Saturday in person at Goldilocks Cottage in Seattle, my home). 

Horrible Food, Wonderful Food. Too Much, Not Enough.

I used to call the workshop about food and eating, and my telecourse that covers the same material, “too much, not enough” because it seemed like I could never hit the “just right” mark. 

Like there was this point, somewhere in the universe, where all would be well, comfortable, guilt-free, happy, and totally and completely contented when in came to feeding myself….

….but that point was never reached. 

It was like being on a merry-go-round that was a mile wide, trying to reach the golden brass ring when the ponies came round to one side. 

I would reach, reach, wait, get ready to grab that brass ring…but fail. 

And then, because the merry-go-round was soooo big and enormous, it would take days to get back again to that one place where the circle meets brass ring and the dangling prize could be grabbed at. 

But never actually owned, never done, never there. 

Ack, what trouble. 

That impossible psychizophrenic flip-flop around food was torturous. Highs and then lows. In control, out of control. Losing weight, gaining weight. Bingeing, starving. Gorging, refusing everything. 

I just wanted some peace!

(Funny how food and money have some similarities….ahem. Wanting more, feeling undeserving, anorexic in our thinking, fat in our beliefs, desperate, starving, insecure…)

So I would muster up my plan and gather resources, like I was fighting a battle (I believed I was) and then other more important reasons to drop my plan would arise. And instead of looking at the power of those new beliefs….I would attack myself. 

You can stop that cycle. 

But it takes some Work.

“We go to the refrigerator even though we’ve just eaten, or we pick up the cigarette we said we’d never smoke again and on and on. It’s alcoholism. It’s a drug addiction, mind addiction. When I found this work, or it found me on the floor, that day later I picked up a cigarette to smoke it…and it looked insane, and I began to laugh and I couldn’t do it. What happened was, I was seeing. What happened was, I did The Work and smoking quit me.” ~ Byron Katie

Instead of trying so wildly hard to get it, find it, see it, believe differently, change…what if you gave up? What if you stopped altogether, and you metaphorically sat down, or lay down on the floor, and waited?

What if you identified exactly what you really were thinking, even if it’s embarrassing, immature, stupid or weird, and you allowed it to be there, wrote it down, and then questioned it. 

You don’t have to drop any thoughts. You don’t have to give up your beliefs, if you don’t want to. 

In fact, you probably can’t, even if you DID want to.

As the 12 steps go….step number one: I am powerless over my *thinking* and my life has become unmanageable. 

It’s true! Have you ever tried to control your thinking?! 

Just becoming aware that trouble with food or money has to do with troubled thinking will take you down a more efficient road. You don’t need that treatment plan, that diet, that budget. 

But you do need to see how attached you are to your thoughts, and be patient enough to slow down and look.

You don’t have to take my teleclass on Money or Eating Peace to start. You can do this right now, today. 

Write down all the painful things about life, the people in your world, what having too much or not having enough money or food mean for you….

….you’ll be on the road to freedom. 

“Even those who have had deep spiritual experiences and awakenings beyond the mind will in most cases continue to cling to superstitious ideas and beliefs in an unconscious effort to grasp for the security of the known, the accepted, or the expected. It is this grasping for security in all its inward and outward forms which limits the perspective of enlightenment and maintains an inwardly divided condition which is the cause of all suffering and confusion.” ~ Adyashanti

Uh, yeah. What he said about inwardly divided! 

I know that feeling! Stuck, twisted, groping, afraid.

Stop now, and stop trying to believe what you really don’t believe (yet) and stop trying to STOP believing what you really DO believe. It’s kinda bossy to yourself. 

Plus it keeps that division thing going….endlessly and forever. 

You can be whole again. Start right now.

Begin by writing down what you actually think, even if you’re not positive it’s even true, that hurts or feels frightening. Don’t try to find security in any of it. 

Then, you’ve got thoughts right in front of you for inquiry. You know what to do from there. 

The Work.

Much love, Grace

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You Need Absolutely Nothing–Not Even Workshop Clients

For the past several months, I’ve had more and more inquiries from people about how to run a small business, how to fill events, where to look for clients, or how to get people to enroll in classes.

It’s funny, because one of my immediate thoughts is….you’re asking ME? 

(Picture Robert Dinero saying ‘You talkin’ to me?!’)

Because some things I do are really “successful” as in a workshop with 100+ people enrolled, or an introductory talk somewhere for a whole business organization….

….while other events have very few people signing up and I’ll reschedule them and then suddenly it’s full.

I don’t exactly feel like an expert small business practitioner who knows what works and what doesn’t, if success means many people enrolling in what I’m offering.

This next weekend on my calendar I’ve had my event upcoming that I’ve taught before….only with much more updated material and several new exercises….Horrible Food Wonderful Food.

Because I just taught my Year of Inquiry weekend, or because I’ve been writing so much, I have done very little to promote or talk about Horrible Food Wonderful Food.

And there are only three people registered.

So if you thought I was packing the house with workshop attendees, it’s not true for this one!

These kinds of experiences used to make me imagine different options: I could worry, fret, push harder, regroup, drop the price, beg people to attend.

I could also inquire, deeply.

This inquiry can be done on ANYTHING you think you need more of. Whether clients, participants, money, weight-loss, recognition, attention, support, health, a partner, sex, success of any kind.

I need more.

The wonderful thing is, when I’ve done The Work on this sensation of “needing” something, the freedom to not need at all is magnificent.

And it never has meant that I don’t continue onward and forward, tweaking my business message, learning more about marketing and connecting with the right audience, or being successful in whatever way I’m dreaming of.

Just because you do The Work on needing to change your relationship with food and eating, for example, doesn’t mean that you will conclude that you do NOT need to change a single thing, ever, around food and eating.

If you are upset about weighing a lot you may really feel in your heart that you would feel more physically comfortable at a lighter weight.

That is what is true for you.

So you keep going with understanding your own mind and your own behavior. You watch yourself and see what is happening when you want to eat a lot, or eat when you aren’t hungry, or eat things that make you feel sick later.

What I have found is that being able to identify what I am actually thinking that creates a stressful reaction inside is like finding a golden treasure.

So here I have a weekend workshop apparently scheduled where I support people in examining their stressful relationship with food.

A time to look at food and the “problem” moments.

So now….I have my own “problem” moment. Not with food, but with people not signing up to attend the workshop in the first place.

I can do some investigation on this situation, and find out what I’m really thinking and believing.

Let’s see what happens.

Here we go:

I can see that I do not need customers, or participants. I do not need this workshop to happen this coming weekend. I’m earning enough money. I’m working every day. My business continues to reach the highest levels ever, after a few years now of being in operation. I’m making a difference.

Many people with eating issues can see that they don’t need the food they are craving, or eating, or bingeing on. They can also see that they don’t need to diet.

Yet they recognize that something is calling to them for assistance, for care, for attention.

What could it be?

I get to ask the same questions.

What’s going on with me and not filling this particular workshop? What are the stressful thoughts about it, that I haven’t looked at yet?

  • I’m communicating about this workshop poorly
  • This means I have more to learn–I’m not Miss Expert Workshop Filler
  • I can’t guarantee results for people who DO take the workshop—like weight loss, ending all obsessions and cravings, or eliminating binges forever
  • I can’t entirely explain why I am so free from any food troubles, when I once was a complete wreck
  • I might not be able to help everyone

Wow. As I look at all the thoughts that spill out when I just let them flow, I can see there are some stressful ideas.

I can’t guarantee transformation in the relationship with food and eating for people who are suffering, but I WANT to. 

Is that true?

Yes! Isn’t that the point for people who take any programs, workshops or do sessions with me?

Can I absolutely KNOW that it’s true that guarantees are best? Or that I need to help people?

No.

Even with the teachers I admire very deeply, there are some people who find great transformation and some who feel “meh”.

Sometimes there are lightbulbs that go off with a huge flash, other times it’s little tiny awareness moments.

How do I react when I believe I’m doing something wrong, I need to get a message across, I’m not communicating well, I wish I could fill that workshop, I can’t guarantee results, or I might not be able to help everyone?

Like giving up, or renewing effort in a determined way. Push hard, or draw back. Energy goes either out or in. Pushing. Pulling. It’s stressy.

Who would I be without these kinds of thoughts?

I would continue to love this journey of having a peace beyond anything I could have ever imagined when it comes to food, eating, weight, body image, and being in this body at this size.

But if it’s not for me to share or “teach” this particular weekend, then that’s OK too.

Without these thoughts, I relax instantly. I feel a surge of how fun all this is. I think about working with people individually who are signed up, connecting with them, focusing on them entirely to see what’s underneath their particular story.

This may be more effective for each one of them, who knows.

Without the thoughts that things should go differently than they are in this instance, I start to get excited.

Energy flows in towards me. Instead of me pushing or pulling at the situation.

I feel more creative. I see advantages for no workshop. Maybe there is something else even better that I’ll be doing.

I turn my thoughts around and sit with them, allowing them all to be:

  • I’m communicating about this workshop richly, in ways that are worth riches to myself, to others
  • This means I have more to learn–I’m not Miss Expert Workshop Filler, oh goodie!
  • I can guarantee results for myself teaching my own “life” workshop—like weight loss, ending all obsessions and cravings, or eliminating binges forever…wow, yes
  • I can’t entirely explain why I am so free from any food troubles, when I once was a complete wreck….and that’s good news, it shows I don’t have to know EVERYTHING
  • I might not be able to help myself, so I can ask others

As I sit with these, I realize that I haven’t communicated well to myself about everything inside when it comes to this Horrible Food Wonderful Food workshop.

I discover how I am learning through this process, and have so much unfolding before me when it comes to filling workshops. I am taking classes, talking with experts, in some fantastic mastermind groups, and my business life is blending with my spiritual life in ways I never could have dreamed before.

Wow.

The people who sign up to work with me are serving ME. They are incredible, their questions are perfect, their concerns are so valuable.

I can feel how very well this present moment is. Whether sitting in a room full of people investigating their relationship to food, or sitting in a room alone, on a couch.

“The mind’s job is to do everything it possibly can to hold a stressful belief in place. Because when that belief is held in place, an identity is established. The Work is a way to break that spell. And I don’t say that it WILL break that spell. But if a person really wants to know the truth, a lot can be done to shift that identity, and then reality, totally.” ~ Byron Katie

If I can be of service to you in your journey with food and eating, breaking that spell of craving or obsessing, or ending your plans for the next diet, then write to me at grace@workwithgrace.com.

Who knows if I can or not.

All I know is, if I can have the entry into freedom that I have had, then so can you.

It is possible for everyone, now.

If other people can fill workshops with many, then so can I, and so can you (if that’s what you want).

And here’s the funny thing. There is no workshop necessary and no workshop that needs to be filled, unless there is.

“Stop thinking of achievement of any kind. You are complete here and now, you need absolutely nothing.” ~ Nisargadatta

OK then. I hear the tap tap of fingers on laptop. And laughter bubbling up. The fun of waiting to see what happens. However it goes is fabulous.

Love, Grace

P.S. It hardly needs to be repeated at this point, but just in case–if you’re interested in spending this coming Friday evening with me, all day Saturday and all day Sunday (10 am – 5 pm both days), to deeply investigate what the heck is going on in this horrible wonderful food situation, contact me. My number is 206-650-1230. I’m here to help.

 

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Do What’s Right For You

When I first started working with people building my own practice as a practitioner of inquiry, offering classes, working with people one-on-one, teaching retreats and workshops….I wanted as much experience as possible.

I worked with anyone who wanted to do The Work.

I offered free sessions. I filled my schedule. I would ask people if they wanted to be a practice client. I would ask people if they’d enjoy participating in a class.

The more doing of it, the more sessions, the more minutes and then hours and weeks added up…..the more confident and clear I became.

Sometimes people now ask me how to build a private practice.

While there are many technical details like websites and connecting with others for marketing, one of the most important things I found is to give your service. Even if you don’t get paid.

But Not Forever.

Because that isn’t a business, that’s a form of personal service at a volunteer level, and not everyone can support their own food, shelter and clothing with no income.

Sometimes, people ask me about scholarship help, trading a service for my work….and I always consider their commitment, their situation, their desire.

I almost never have people who pay nothing at all unless there is a valuable trade we can make. People have awesome things they’ve given me. Beautiful art, handmade pottery, computer design, website help.

There is a feeling within about the exchange that is loving, generous, alive. I had a woman, a beautiful client, who came out of rehab with nothing, almost zero cents to her name, who put together all she could which was $20 per month for the two months she was in one of my classes.

For her, it was a lot. She didn’t miss one single call, she did all the homework, she emailed with questions. She wasn’t messing around.

Not all the exchanges go like that one, though.

I remember a man who kept asking me to attend a live afternoon half-day retreat I offer every quarter or so, where I spend time making preparations for each individual attending, buying materials, food, creating the space.

He would contact me and ask to come for free. I said what would work for you? He said he could afford nothing. Nothing would work for him.

I said how about $5 to cover snacks and materials? He said no, he couldn’t afford it. After another request, I said yes, come for free, no need to pay even $5.

He arrived in a big car, which was his own, and I couldn’t help think that he had to be able to afford the gas to drive to the workshop. And the car.

Even though I had done so much personal inquiry on money…. I experienced a little flare of resentment.

I was no longer suffering with very low income myself, I wasn’t afraid to have a business and charge fees, I received, I gave my all back, I had stopped feeling embarrassed about needing money in the first place.

This stressful thought about this retreat participant was like a mosquito bite. Itchy, annoying.

Here were my stressful thoughts: he doesn’t value what I’m offering enough to pay even $5 for it, he wants something for nothing, he’s scamming me.

Ouch. Time for inquiry.

Is it true, that he doesn’t value what I’m offering? That he wants something for nothing?

I don’t really know. He may have hugely massive stressful beliefs about money, The Work, his own capabilities. It probably has nothing to do with me.

But that one piece of me wondered. It wasn’t satisfied. Worried that it could be true.

So how did I react when I believed that he was not being fair, withholding, feeling scarce, not valuing my expertise, not valuing this work, or that he’s lying about what he can’t afford?

I didn’t feel 100% open to him. I felt a defense, a carefulness. I felt like I was being ripped off, undervalued. I felt puzzled. I felt like I wanted to teach him that you don’t do that to people.

Sigh.

Who would I be without the thought that I know what he’s thinking or valuing, intending or caring about? Or that I need him to value me by giving me money?

Jeez. So ashamed of these thoughts. I’m too greedy. I’m not trusting.

Stop. The question was “who would you be WITHOUT that thought?”

Not “try to get rid of the thought quick because you are a loser when you have it.”

Without the thought, I noticed I loved his participation, his sweet work, his genuine caring for his own life and how he was perceiving him “problems”. I saw how hard he was trying. I had no idea how money fit into all that.

And that didn’t mean I had to say “yes” again.

Turning the thoughts around, I see with clear awareness what was truer in all those moments of questions and answers, saying yes and saying no:

I am not valuing myself in that moment, I don’t value what I’m offering enough to pay even $5 for him, I want something (money) for nothing, I’m scamming myself in that moment because I’m thinking I need to say yes, or no, to be a good person.

Wow.

How can I live the turnaround to value myself?

Value myself. If I have questions, bring them up. Trust the process of honestly sharing. Trust that when someone has nothing to pay, that is so right for them (it was powerful for me, when that was my situation).

As Byron Katie says, I can love them, but it doesn’t mean I have to go to dinner with them, or live with them.

Being absolutely wide open honest, kind, full of love for all the others and for me….all connected.

No one getting left out.

“To think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be out of my business. Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety and fear. Do I know what is right for me? That is my only business.” ~ Byron Katie

Money teleclass starting again soon! We get into these kinds of wonderful thoughts. Exciting!

Love, Grace

 

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It Needed To Happen

Yesterday in the telegroup working on Money, we were meeting for the 7th time out of 8.

One person said he was feeling discouraged about his lack of action, movement, change around money. Another wave of paying bills and feeling….poor, anxious, worried.

Someone else noticed a huge shift happening not long after the course started, and the change still underway. Money showing up in unexpected places. Thrilled with discovering what thoughts had been in place, feeling them dissolve.

Another participant saw how frightened she was of certain aspects of money like counting it, tracking it, handling it, managing it, saving it….and she signed herself up for a beginners bookkeeping class.

There is no way to ever tell what will happen around the next corner.

All we can see is that right now, we are believing difficult, agonizing, nervous thoughts…..or we are able to see through our thinking to a place beyond fear.

Everyone has that place.

“We either believe what we think or we question it: there’s no other choice. Questioning our thoughts is the kinder way.” ~ Byron Katie

It might feel like a waft of fresh air, holding someone’s hand and feeling connected, or suddenly seeing a huge expansive view appear as you crest the top of a mountain.

Just a small glimpse of hope and a little smile, or a big massive recognition that you’ve been worried when all along it was actually nothing to worry about.

The inquirer who felt like things weren’t changed brought this thought to the surface, for us to question:

I need them to help me stay focused.

Everyone in the class could find a situation, a moment where they believed this thought (or something very close) especially with money or work involved.

I need those teachers, I need that book, I need the information, I need God, I need my friends, I need my family, I need my environment, I need my workplace, I need my boss, I need my partner…..to help me stay focused!!!

This thought often comes alive when focus is “lost”.

Wow, I have lost focus. If I had more of it, if I stayed on track, kept my eyes on the prize….I would Get There Faster.

Getting there faster is better. I know what the final goal is supposed to look like. This is dire. I need to change. This WILL be an emergency soon.

Fear.

Often, when I have felt like this, I have no respect for fun. No time for pleasure, laughter, or stopping for lunch. I’ve paid people money to help me stay on focus (not that there’s anything wrong with that)!

But who would I be without the thought that I need their help, or that I need to stay focused?

It’s a radical idea…..and oh so liberating.

What? I don’t need to stay focused?

Could the way it has gone, so far, be just right? Could it be what has been necessary, so far, for my own growth?

Byron Katie suggests that the way things have gone, to this point right now in your life, is the BEST way possible.

Because every other way is an imagined way. Unreal.

THIS is what I need the world to bring me for my greatest awareness, joy, surrender…..love.

What if “focus”…or whatever you believe is missing…dwells within you, even now?

If you are losing your home and possessions, or something catastrophic has happened, this does not mean Oh Joy that was Brilliant.

That would be ridiculous! (Although what if it was brilliant?)

But even an inkling of the idea that this happened…..and you are OK, you have the ability to go on, to be reborn, to blossom, to grow, to have a very profound shift because you are going through this….

…opening to this, even just a wee teensy tiny bit, could change your life.

Turning the thought around in every way:

I need me to help myself focus, I don’t need them to help me with that, I need to help THEM focus, and, they need to help me stay out-of-focus.

Who knows? I can see when dropping focus, doing the unexpected, and letting things run their course is actually more fun. And more the way of reality.

Roundabout, focused, blurred….whatever is happening, could all be well? Could I feel some peace in the middle of it?

Well, yeah. Probably. OK. Yes.

“Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing ever happened that didn’t need to happen.” ~ Byron Katie

With love,

Grace

 

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I Hate My Job Nightmares

The free telecall on doing The Work of Byron Katie on Money is tomorrow morning at 8:30 am pacific time. It will run about 90 minutes (maybe a little more).

Click here if you’d like to go to the link. It will ask you to enter your email but you’re already on this mailing list so you won’t be double-subscribed. You can listen in on the web, or dial in using your phone. You’ll see the phone number once you get to the web page.

All this technical detail!

I created slides to follow along to show during the session tomorrow…but lordy, all the links and computer stuff took some heavy learning.

Have you ever noticed that when you’re working on creating something, or learning a new skill, or practicing an instrument to get better….you can have all kinds of internal thoughts about it?

It’s like there’s The Voice watching on your shoulder, commenting.

“Oh, that was a good move! I think you finally got it! No…that was a mistake. Can’t you remember what you just went over a few minutes ago? Why can’t you find that web page? Because you’re a ding-a-ling! You need to pay closer attention! Someone should be helping you. Have you checked how long you’re spending on this? Hours. You don’t have time for this. It’ll be a miracle if this actually works. Why are you doing this again?…”

Fortunately, even though the chatterbox is running…I didn’t believe the thoughts to such a level that I stopped the activity.

All it takes is a little believing….and even the most aware, conscious person can start feeling disappointed, nervous, anxious, irritated, scared…

….and all kinds of behaviors come out of these stressful feelings!

Like quitting! Or waiting! Or proscratinating!

When I was 23, I got a job for a summer that appeared to be highly desirable. I had to get recommendations, and there was a long application form to fill out by hand. I would be in a national park all summer.

It sounded exotic and wonderful, like a good plan in what otherwise I was totally unsure of doing when I was actually at college.

I arrived during an early summer afternoon, to report to staff training the next morning. I unpacked all my summer belongings. I had a bunk bed and another girl from the east coast would be on the top bunk, tomorrow.

My alarm clock went off at 5:30 am. We had to start at 6. I followed along various trainers all day in working in the kitchen, setting tables, cleaning.

And then, in the afternoon, I was asked my age. “Oh, you can wait tables, and serve alcohol! We’ll train you in that this evening.”

The huge lodge was very elegant.

I felt a leap of fear in my chest.

I didn’t bring clothes to wear for waiting tables. I don’t know how to do that. It’s too hard. I can’t do it right. That sounds like a terrible way to spend the summer. 

Within the next five hours, my inner alarm bells were sounding so loud, as I was being trained for this horrifying job of being in the gorgeous, busy lodge.

That night…before my new roommate arrived, before anyone could see me or stop me…I gathered all my stuff, packed it in my car, and drove away.

Yes, it’s true. I was too scared to work as a waitress.

Later, I realized the opportunity and how much more money in tips I would have made than the original job I had been hired for.

Too bad I didn’t know how to question my thoughts that something was going to be too difficult, for whatever reason.

Who would I have been without the thought that it’s too hard, or that I might be rejected, or that I could do it wrong, or that it’s too frightening to try it, or that I won’t do it as well as someone else?

I would be very simply moving, even in tiny baby steps, flowing easily, resting, moving, learning, doing the next thing…present.

“The power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Back then, I created a completely emergency-oriented terrified, unwilling present moment. Ha!

I also did the best I could, keeping myself very safe. Such a sweet little nervous ninny I was.

So sure it was true that I could make a mistake, that I wouldn’t be good at something, that it was going to be painful.

“In the beginning was the Tao. All things issue from it; all things return to it. To find the origin, trace back the manifestations. When you recognize the children and find the mother, you will be free of sorrow. If you close your mind in judgments and traffic with desires, your heart will be troubled. If you keep your mind from judging and aren’t led by the senses, your heart will find peace.” ~ Tao Te Ching #52

Turning the thoughts around, could they be just as true, or truer, than the original thoughts?

I am doing it right now, I am safe, I am not rejected, I can learn, this is not too hard, I can say yes and no, I can say I don’t understand, there are no mistakes, I can be good at anything I want to be good at.

Like earning money.

With Love, Grace

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Money, Selling, and Getting Ripped Off

I am doing a telesession on Money. I’ve been thinking about money a lot and assessing my own relationship with money, especially since I’m teaching my 8 week teleclass starting Tuesday mornings next week.

You can join the session on Sunday, Dec. 1st 8:30 am even if you have no interest in ever taking the teleclass on money…this is a chance to gather together as a group and move through some of the exercises I’ve built in order to understand, relieve confusion, and experience greater peace with money.

Your comments and experience will help refine the inquiry process. Plus if you ARE interested in signing up for the class, you’ll get a taste for it and see if you like it.

And I won’t sell sell sell (ha ha).

Now, the irony of saying this doesn’t escape me. On a call about money.

I’ve noticed the great discomfort, resistance, irritation and fear around “selling” or promoting, marketing, announcing one’s wares or services.

Selling appears to be defined as trying to convince, persuade, get someone to buy something. I looked up the origin of the word and it comes in part from a Norse word to “give up”.

A suspicion arises…someone “trying” to sell me something means that person is going to only tell me the good stuff, not the bad stuff. They’re going to leave things out, be dishonest, have a personal agenda to “get” from me.

I remember many years ago going into a place that opened in my neighborhood that taught physical fitness, yoga and well-being. The business model was that a person became a member and signed a contract.

I went through the schpeel. I wanted the fitness and yoga classes. It was very convenient to my house.

There was a manager sort of person, with notebooks and financial amounts written on papers that were then crossed off, and a final amount for lifetime membership and lists of all the benefits I would have by being involved.

The thing is, I had already decided when I went in that I wanted to join….then there was all this extra rigamarole and I took home a contract. When reading the fine print, and what was expected, I realize it all just seemed too weird and permanent. Something fishy.

I drove back up the next day, and I’m the one that had to do a lot of convincing this time, eventually to another manager, to get out of the contract.

I had to write a letter and sign it and get it notorized in order to officially drop this payment plan I had signed up for! I didn’t really understand.

I never got to take one single class….and it left a really weird taste in my mouth about that place. I secretly said “good” when I saw the company fold and leave the building.

But who would I be without the thought that I might get duped, tricked, enlist in something that doesn’t work, lose, or come out no better than when I started?

Who would I be without the thought that I could be fooled, or conned out of money?

I’d notice how much I care about honesty, integrity, and staying in touch with my inner yes or no. I’d notice how money comes and goes and I have a deep inner awareness of participating in all that.

I see how all these dear humans are trying their best, and notice how I am also doing my best…and we all don’t really have absolute answers.

I turn the thought around that I was pushed, that those people tried to “get” me against my better judgment….

….and I see my part in the drama.

In that situation with the wellness yoga center, the truth is…they didn’t trick me.

I tricked them. I didn’t say right in the middle of the conversations what I was thinking: “what’s all this with the sales pitch? I just want to take some classes? is everything OK around here, because something feels a little off?”

“Is there anyone in this room that has never been supported? Including you, sweetheart? I invite everyone in this room to find one time when you were not supported. It’s not possible. There’s no time in your life when you have not been supported. I’ve never met any human being that can find one moment that they were not supported. On your own! With or without a job. Can anyone find one moment when they were not supported? [Pause] I can’t either.” ~ Byron Katie

Even in the moment when someone tried to RIP ME OFF….

….is it possible I was supported? Even if money moved from my pocket over to theirs, never to return?

Yes. I’ve learned to stay, wait, slow down, not make any desperate quick decisions. I’ve learned that there are no emergencies for money.

These things I learned could only come about through these experiences.

And now…I’m learning once again to expose myself and what I offer, be real, be honest, invite people to join me in self-inquiry and that sometimes no money is exchanged, sometimes money is exchanged, and the money coming and going is all doing what it does, peacefully.

Without my mind and my thinking getting too involved.

When it does….I can question it!

Click HERE to jump over to the link to sign up for the Money Inquiry on Sunday. 20 people can attend live via phone, to do The Work and participate actively, then many more can listen via their computer. You choose which you prefer!

Either way, it’ll be fun and interesting.

With Love, Grace

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Neediness Can Not Be Trusted, Right?

One of the top tricky little sneaky thoughts that I experienced living as a whole strategy for managing neediness has been: “I just won’t NEED that thing I have been needing. I’ll go without it. No problem!”

It’s actually pretty amazing to discover that you do not in fact need something that appeared to be necessary for physical or emotional survival.

But then….if you sink your teeth into that new discovery and try to apply it to every situation where you feel a drop of neediness….you may suddenly realize one day that it’s not working anymore.

Because it’s a strategy. It wasn’t true surrender for me.

I was the Queen of Not Needing.

I don’t need a partner, I don’t need food, I don’t need drugs (even pain medications), I don’t need money, I don’t need a past, I don’t need a future, I don’t need school, I don’t need a degree, I don’t need to talk.

It was a quiet week day during the summer months. I had dropped out of college because I was trying to win the prize for Not Needing food (you may know this story from other Grace Notes).

I was reading everything I could get my hands on about consciousness. It was the beginning of my self-help book exploration (and I’m so glad people have chosen to write about their transformations and help others understand themselves).

Somewhere I read that there really is no past. It’s over.

And my mind jumped from that conceptual and philosophical idea…..to gathering all the photos, yearbooks, baby pictures, scrap books, greeting cards, files and items that were collections of Past Memories in my bedroom…

….and deciding they need to go!

I don’t need any of that! The past is over! I am cleaning the slate! I’m starting from ZERO! Today I’m reborn!

There’s a scene in a movie called Little Man Big Man where the old native grandfather climbs up to a high cliff, believing that he’s going to die. He says the famous line “today is a good day to die”. He lies down on the earth and assumes the position, flat on his back.

And he lies there, and lies there. It starts to rain and the drops are hitting his face.

He sits up. Hilarious. Nope. Not going the way he thought. Still here.

That summer afternoon at age 20, I took all photos that I possessed, all scrap books, my high school year books, the cards from boyfriends or best friends, notes from my parents, flyers from events I attended, saved tickets, mementos…

…and I drove them in boxes to the city dump.

I watched them fly through the air into the huge piles of garbage far below. Never to be seen again.

I gave away almost everything I owned to friends and family, keeping only the clothing and a few items I absolutely loved.

I waited. Oh.

I still have memories. The past still exists….in my mind. Still here.

But it wasn’t terrible. I got what was here, inside, that was not attached to anything that could be possessed.

I don’t regret doing that dramatic thing.

However, I also learned that discovering “I don’t need it!” is not always honest. And you can’t force it, when it is not actually true.

Today, I am totally 100% in favor of food, water, shelter, clothing, medical attention, money, and contact with people. I absolutely love them all!

Back when I was 20? I was imagining that I was against them all, or trying to be.

Who would you be without the thought that it’s bad, difficult, or painful to want something with enormous passion?

Who would I be without the thought that I shouldn’t want that yummy food? I wouldn’t condemn myself for wanting it. I’d start asking people if they had any food! I’d eat with gusto and pleasure.

Who would I be without the thought that it’s painful to want more money? I’d have a blast enjoying the pursuit of money.

Who would I be without the thought that I need to avoid needing?

Free to need, if I do….and not need, if I don’t. Free to be myself HONESTLY. I love trusting my natural responses.

“If you open yourself to the Tao, you are at one with the Tao and you can embody it completely. If you open yourself to insight, you are at one with insight and you can use it completely. If you open yourself to loss, you are at one with loss and you can accept it completely. Open yourself to the Tao, then trust your natural responses; and everything will fall into place.” ~ Tao Te Ching #23

If you notice subtle, but tricky, strategies for dealing with your uncomfortable relationship with money, and with NEEDING it, then join us next week on Thursday mornings! Register HERE.

With Love, Grace