I Hate My Job Nightmares

The free telecall on doing The Work of Byron Katie on Money is tomorrow morning at 8:30 am pacific time. It will run about 90 minutes (maybe a little more).

Click here if you’d like to go to the link. It will ask you to enter your email but you’re already on this mailing list so you won’t be double-subscribed. You can listen in on the web, or dial in using your phone. You’ll see the phone number once you get to the web page.

All this technical detail!

I created slides to follow along to show during the session tomorrow…but lordy, all the links and computer stuff took some heavy learning.

Have you ever noticed that when you’re working on creating something, or learning a new skill, or practicing an instrument to get better….you can have all kinds of internal thoughts about it?

It’s like there’s The Voice watching on your shoulder, commenting.

“Oh, that was a good move! I think you finally got it! No…that was a mistake. Can’t you remember what you just went over a few minutes ago? Why can’t you find that web page? Because you’re a ding-a-ling! You need to pay closer attention! Someone should be helping you. Have you checked how long you’re spending on this? Hours. You don’t have time for this. It’ll be a miracle if this actually works. Why are you doing this again?…”

Fortunately, even though the chatterbox is running…I didn’t believe the thoughts to such a level that I stopped the activity.

All it takes is a little believing….and even the most aware, conscious person can start feeling disappointed, nervous, anxious, irritated, scared…

….and all kinds of behaviors come out of these stressful feelings!

Like quitting! Or waiting! Or proscratinating!

When I was 23, I got a job for a summer that appeared to be highly desirable. I had to get recommendations, and there was a long application form to fill out by hand. I would be in a national park all summer.

It sounded exotic and wonderful, like a good plan in what otherwise I was totally unsure of doing when I was actually at college.

I arrived during an early summer afternoon, to report to staff training the next morning. I unpacked all my summer belongings. I had a bunk bed and another girl from the east coast would be on the top bunk, tomorrow.

My alarm clock went off at 5:30 am. We had to start at 6. I followed along various trainers all day in working in the kitchen, setting tables, cleaning.

And then, in the afternoon, I was asked my age. “Oh, you can wait tables, and serve alcohol! We’ll train you in that this evening.”

The huge lodge was very elegant.

I felt a leap of fear in my chest.

I didn’t bring clothes to wear for waiting tables. I don’t know how to do that. It’s too hard. I can’t do it right. That sounds like a terrible way to spend the summer. 

Within the next five hours, my inner alarm bells were sounding so loud, as I was being trained for this horrifying job of being in the gorgeous, busy lodge.

That night…before my new roommate arrived, before anyone could see me or stop me…I gathered all my stuff, packed it in my car, and drove away.

Yes, it’s true. I was too scared to work as a waitress.

Later, I realized the opportunity and how much more money in tips I would have made than the original job I had been hired for.

Too bad I didn’t know how to question my thoughts that something was going to be too difficult, for whatever reason.

Who would I have been without the thought that it’s too hard, or that I might be rejected, or that I could do it wrong, or that it’s too frightening to try it, or that I won’t do it as well as someone else?

I would be very simply moving, even in tiny baby steps, flowing easily, resting, moving, learning, doing the next thing…present.

“The power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Back then, I created a completely emergency-oriented terrified, unwilling present moment. Ha!

I also did the best I could, keeping myself very safe. Such a sweet little nervous ninny I was.

So sure it was true that I could make a mistake, that I wouldn’t be good at something, that it was going to be painful.

“In the beginning was the Tao. All things issue from it; all things return to it. To find the origin, trace back the manifestations. When you recognize the children and find the mother, you will be free of sorrow. If you close your mind in judgments and traffic with desires, your heart will be troubled. If you keep your mind from judging and aren’t led by the senses, your heart will find peace.” ~ Tao Te Ching #52

Turning the thoughts around, could they be just as true, or truer, than the original thoughts?

I am doing it right now, I am safe, I am not rejected, I can learn, this is not too hard, I can say yes and no, I can say I don’t understand, there are no mistakes, I can be good at anything I want to be good at.

Like earning money.

With Love, Grace