Tag: I hate my job

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My job is sooooo boring. My job is sooooo demanding. Let’s take care of the story.

I’ve heard several inquiries from people recently about stressful thoughts on their jobs.

So much arises that’s challenging at work, whether we work for someone else or ourselves. Over the years, I’ve heard tons of worksheets on painful thinking about work (and written these kinds of worksheets myself).

The interesting dilemma with work I heard about lately?

Boredom. Or, the equal and opposite work issue….Too Demanding.

This job is soooooo boring! It’s repetitive, dull, doesn’t require my best skills, anyone could do it, stupid, too easy, not teaching me anything, unexciting, unchanging. I hate it!

This job is soooooo fast-paced! It’s relentless, frantic, requires my highest performance at all times, no one else could do it, too hard, never relaxing, confusing, chaotic, constantly changing. I hate it!

Hint: the “I hate it!” part is extra special stressful. Frustration, anger, irritation, despair.

Many years ago, I read an article on high stress jobs. I was surprised at the time to find my own current job, the first full time job I ever had, on the list.

The article spoke about jobs where people have very little assertion over what happens, or when it happens, and they don’t have all that much power to make any changes. Receptionist (my job), or customer service help, security officer, fire fighters.

In these roles, you’re waiting for the thing to happen. You have zero control over who walks in the door or when you’ll receive a call, or what time. You simply have to be available, with very little to do until that happens, or at ease with being suddenly interrupted if you are doing something else.

I remember in my 25 year old mind thinking “Oh! Cool! This makes so much sense!”

The high-performance jobs have the opposite kind of stress. You may still feel you have zero control in the long run, you’re trying to accomplish something vast, or other people (employees) don’t do what you want them to do.

I found huge relief in simply knowing my position could be called stressful. I had been running thoughts in my head about how I should be happy with this job, and grateful to be earning a living, and at ease with the low amount of responsibility required.

So I’d say first, if you are watching your thoughts and you notice ideas about restlessness, irritation, boredom, anger with your job….or anxiety, frustration, over-stimulation, worry….the very FIRST thing you can do is accept that you’re having these thoughts about your job for good reason. Hear them. They have something to offer.

These thoughts are worthy of exploring.

WELCOME, oh thoughts!

(This is a brilliant principle to bring to thoughts in your mind that produce any size stress at all–we’re not doing inquiry to crush stressful thoughts–we’re hearing them, and wondering about them).

Now, let’s dig in to this whole “my-job-sucks” situation with some questions, so you can get to the heart of your concern.

Stressful Situation A: You have nothing to do. No tasks, no projects. All that’s required is you sitting here, you being present. In my very first job, I wasn’t allowed to read. So I literally had to sit in my chair behind a front entrance counter space, with my head showing and generally facing forward. Sometimes I could work on tasks involving typing, or collating, whenever other people brought them to me.

Any time you hear the words in your head “I have to”….you may want to take a look. That’s what the energy of “force” can sound like. “I have to sit here, I can’t do anything else, this is so boring, I want to be somewhere else…..” It’s what it sounds like when you believe you have no control at all, no say, no choice. (Another way you could say it is….victim. But don’t use that to get mad at yourself now).

It was a humongous relief to learn it was normal to be stressed in the job of receptionist. It didn’t mean something was wrong with me! Yippee!

I began paying attention to other jobs at the same organization. I asked managers about positions I could move into. I asked the Business Director about what it took to be a bookkeeper and she told me to take a class, which I did.

I was the Receptionist at that company for six months. Then, I moved into the back library room and became the Information Center Specialist and got to reorganize the store room. It kept going up from there.

This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t had the simple idea offered to me in an article (long before I was aware of The Work) that my position was stressful, and I actually longed for more, and that was OK! I noticed who I was without the belief I’m doing something wrong, without the reaction to “my job sucks”.

Stressful Situation B: You have too much to do. So many things. There’s not enough time in one day to ever complete all the things you’re doing. You’re constantly working on projects after hours. You need a vacation, endlessly. People report to you. You need to handle people, planning, goal-setting, details, administrative stuff, creative concepts, meetings. And you need to do all these things really, really well.

I’ve gotten to this place in my work world in more recent years.

When believed, these thoughts can produce stress within, just like a boring job.

Like my first situation, if I don’t have the belief I should be grateful, and dismiss my concerns….I begin to inquire.

So let’s look more deeply at the kinds of concepts that spring from my-job-sucks thinking:

  • I need to get out of here
  • this whole place sucks, and everyone who works here (I find my proof)
  • I hate non-profit organizations/ health-care system/ corporations/ schools (or whatever kind of place you work, make a blanket statement)
  • I’m a loser
  • I should be more grateful
  • let’s look at the want ads for anyplace else but here (and let’s look every day)
  • I can’t leave right this minute because I need the money
  • no one can help me
  • I can’t handle it

The thing is, all these thoughts, for me, were inside the reaction to the very first feeling of frustration, the very first thought: I don’t want this. 

Almost immediately on the heals of that thought was one solution I frequently moved to, before I ever learned about The Work: I should make myself not think this thought.

It was like a No Win situation.

I hate it, and I shouldn’t hate it. But I hate it. But I shouldn’t hate it. But look over there, I have proof for why it’s hateful (did you see what my boss did? Did you hear that co-worker? Jeez!) But I shouldn’t be so contrary. But I guess I’m the kind of person who hates this. I shouldn’t be hating this. But I do! I QUIT!!

It’s an all-out war in there! Yowsers!

What if you questioned the thought “I do not want this (I hate this)”?

Let’s do it!

I do not want this moment. I do not want my thoughts about this job or this moment. I do not want this boredom. I do not want this frenzy. 

Is it true?

YES. Duh. This moment repeats itself over and over. I have to sit here, or quit. Of course I don’t want this! What do you mean….I have to suck it up? Dang right it’s true!

Are you absolutely sure you don’t want what is happening to be happening in your job? Right in that uncomfortable moment?

No.

Who would you be without this dreadful story of my-job-sucks and I hate it?

Oh.

Right.

I’d be back in my own business, curious about the duties requested for this position, curious about other opportunities, consulting and gathering more information. Not saying “no” to this. Not saying speedy quick “yes” to something else.

Turning the thought around: I hate my thinking about this job. It’s my thinking I don’t want. I do not hate this moment–I actually love it. What a place to be, getting to be here, alive, and see what happens next! I like having work, too. I like the money, the support, the learning. (You might find the specific things you love about your job. I remember finding an example once at a job I thought I didn’t want….Example: it has a fountain that’s gorgeous between buildings by the name of GRACE).

Turning it around again: my job doesn’t want me, it hates me (especially when I hate it). One example might be that it’s not my permanent job. I may be called to expand and do other more interesting, more wonderful things. Or, I may notice my job is supporting me so hard, and I don’t even notice. (Find examples again).

Turning it around one more time: I hate myself, when I’m hating this job. I don’t want me, when I don’t want the job. I’m fighting with the environment, the duties, the activities, the people. It’s not the real me. The real me is open, mysterious, accepting, relaxed. The real me is willing to speak up, explore, ask for help, share my inner thoughts about jobs, change it up, have fun.

Could it be just as true, or truer, that I LOVE this job? I want this job? Maybe you are the one who gets to dance with this job, in unexpected ways, without resistance.

What is “this job” anyway?

Who would you be tomorrow, your very next day at work, without your story of being in the wrong place?

WOOOOO HOOOOO!!

A Suspended Blue Ocean

The sky
Is a suspended blue ocean.
The stars are the fish
That swim.

The planets are the white whales
I sometimes hitch a ride on,

And the sun and all light
Have forever fused themselves

Into my heart and upon
My skin.

There is only one rule
On this Wild Playground,

For every sign Hafiz has ever seen
Reads the same.

They all say,

“Have fun, my dear; my dear, have fun,
In the Beloved’s Divine
Game,

O, in the Beloved’s
Wonderful
Game.”
~ Hafiz

Let me know what happens, as you inquire.

This is gonna be good.

“Sit, stand, lie down a little. But the story we run as we’re doing it–take care of that.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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Who is making you do it?

dictator1
We have ways to make you do that task. (Believe your thoughts)!

As someone who has a private practice, it’s weird how often I notice thoughts about Employment vs My Own Business.

The other day, one of my clients who has been working with me for a very long time, wanted to dig deeper into her thoughts about work and jobs and career.

She was at a crossroads, had been sitting there for awhile, and through the work we had done together she was wondering if she should go left, or right.

She needed to take action.

(She needed some money–although we had done quite a bit of work on that over time and she was fairly relaxed about money overall, and had a good chunk of it in the bank).

But “doing” something was calling to her.

I had her make a list about her beliefs about getting a new job, or starting her own business (she saw the choice between the two as a key dilemma, or decision).

I’ve done this work myself.

I decided to do it again, after my day was over and this client kept popping in my head.

Here are the stressful concepts I myself found when it comes to the two ways to make a living and earn money, which have been my primary options in life (so far):

Being Employed (Job): Having Your Own Business:
Commuting Volatile Income
Co-workers Taxes
Required meetings Hustling to fill retreats
Doing tedious or pointless tasks Difficult (or irritating) clients
Must be onsite/at work DIY (Do It Yourself or Hire It)
Five days a week Working all hours, any time
Boring People wanting it for free

As I sat down to make comparisons, I could see how fast the mind would like to see what’s good about that other position over there, and bad about this one.

Or….what’s good about this position here,  and bad about that one over there. (I love how this comparison drops in quickly when hearing about another person’s difficult plight, or remember BAD scenarios from the past).

Every single item on each list is worthy of questioning and clearing the mind, with The Work.

But the other day, when I wrote out this list, I had an almost-aggressive feeling about the pointless, tedious tasks I used to have to perform at my previous job, as I remembered it.

Data collecting, and putting the data into an excel spreadsheet.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I loved having the data–it was quite fascinating, and I loved making the charts and looking at comparisons and sort of the big picture, and sharing them with the leaders involved who cared about these results….

….but I HATED that I had to do the data entry.

Yuck.

SUCH A DRAG! NEVER AGAIN! (Grrrr, RESIST).

Can’t someone else do this? It’s so stupid. And boring. A waste of my time.

I hate when you have a job, you’re an employee, and you have to do stuff you hate!

This is so close to the work my client did….let’s question it!

You may have had the same thought as well, about anything in life you dreaded doing, thought it was boring, thought it was repetitive, dull, annoying, even overwhelming…..

….but you HAD TO DO IT.

Is that true?

Yes. It’s in the job description. I could get fired if I don’t…..

Are you sure?

No. I’ve never told anyone how much I hate doing it. Not one single person at this company. Including my boss.

How do you react when you think “I HAVE to do this task!”

I put it off. I wait until the last minute possible. I try to think of rewards, or motivation, or what I’ll do when I’m done. I do it, and bear it rather than enjoy one ounce of it. I feel tense, and tired. I look at my co-workers and see what they’re doing, and notice it’s better (or worse).

I think about quitting. Inside my head, I actually say “when I quit, I will feel sooooooo good….” and dream of the day, in the future.

But who would I be right now, without the belief “I HAVE to do this task”?

What if you couldn’t think about how you’re forced to do it, or it’s required, or it’s necessary, or fundamental to success, or that you better do it, or else (big disastrous picture)?

Without this thought of being so against this task, what my client noticed was she might ask for help, ask others if they’d be willing to do it, work with a partner, find support, or even ask other people what they suggest about how to do this task stress-free!

As my client did The Work, I realized *ping* how I never, ever asked my boss if there were any alternatives to me doing the data entry.

I always went to all our meetings, especially our annual review meetings (the ones all about me and my performance) with anxiety, with a sense of wanting to be extremely pleasing, dreading any criticism.

I was so on the defense from receiving criticism and trying to be perfect, that I didn’t ask for support or talk about what I didn’t like, or even consider what I’d like to do more.

Wow.

Turning the thought around:

You do not HAVE to do that task. 

Could that be just as true, or truer?

Yes, for me in my situation, I didn’t “have” to do it. No one was holding a gun to my head. I wanted to keep my job. I wanted to get praised. I wanted to be thought of as the one who did it right, and did it well, and didn’t make requests.

I kept doing it!  This job was many years ago, and it only occurred to me during this client’s recent inquiry that I never explored one other option, not once, than Doing It.

Who believed they HAD to do it?

That was me.

Kind of coo-coo bird, how much I blamed the job. But I didn’t know, until now, to question that thought and stop being such a victim. Must be perfect timing…now.

“An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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I Hate My Job Nightmares

The free telecall on doing The Work of Byron Katie on Money is tomorrow morning at 8:30 am pacific time. It will run about 90 minutes (maybe a little more).

Click here if you’d like to go to the link. It will ask you to enter your email but you’re already on this mailing list so you won’t be double-subscribed. You can listen in on the web, or dial in using your phone. You’ll see the phone number once you get to the web page.

All this technical detail!

I created slides to follow along to show during the session tomorrow…but lordy, all the links and computer stuff took some heavy learning.

Have you ever noticed that when you’re working on creating something, or learning a new skill, or practicing an instrument to get better….you can have all kinds of internal thoughts about it?

It’s like there’s The Voice watching on your shoulder, commenting.

“Oh, that was a good move! I think you finally got it! No…that was a mistake. Can’t you remember what you just went over a few minutes ago? Why can’t you find that web page? Because you’re a ding-a-ling! You need to pay closer attention! Someone should be helping you. Have you checked how long you’re spending on this? Hours. You don’t have time for this. It’ll be a miracle if this actually works. Why are you doing this again?…”

Fortunately, even though the chatterbox is running…I didn’t believe the thoughts to such a level that I stopped the activity.

All it takes is a little believing….and even the most aware, conscious person can start feeling disappointed, nervous, anxious, irritated, scared…

….and all kinds of behaviors come out of these stressful feelings!

Like quitting! Or waiting! Or proscratinating!

When I was 23, I got a job for a summer that appeared to be highly desirable. I had to get recommendations, and there was a long application form to fill out by hand. I would be in a national park all summer.

It sounded exotic and wonderful, like a good plan in what otherwise I was totally unsure of doing when I was actually at college.

I arrived during an early summer afternoon, to report to staff training the next morning. I unpacked all my summer belongings. I had a bunk bed and another girl from the east coast would be on the top bunk, tomorrow.

My alarm clock went off at 5:30 am. We had to start at 6. I followed along various trainers all day in working in the kitchen, setting tables, cleaning.

And then, in the afternoon, I was asked my age. “Oh, you can wait tables, and serve alcohol! We’ll train you in that this evening.”

The huge lodge was very elegant.

I felt a leap of fear in my chest.

I didn’t bring clothes to wear for waiting tables. I don’t know how to do that. It’s too hard. I can’t do it right. That sounds like a terrible way to spend the summer. 

Within the next five hours, my inner alarm bells were sounding so loud, as I was being trained for this horrifying job of being in the gorgeous, busy lodge.

That night…before my new roommate arrived, before anyone could see me or stop me…I gathered all my stuff, packed it in my car, and drove away.

Yes, it’s true. I was too scared to work as a waitress.

Later, I realized the opportunity and how much more money in tips I would have made than the original job I had been hired for.

Too bad I didn’t know how to question my thoughts that something was going to be too difficult, for whatever reason.

Who would I have been without the thought that it’s too hard, or that I might be rejected, or that I could do it wrong, or that it’s too frightening to try it, or that I won’t do it as well as someone else?

I would be very simply moving, even in tiny baby steps, flowing easily, resting, moving, learning, doing the next thing…present.

“The power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Back then, I created a completely emergency-oriented terrified, unwilling present moment. Ha!

I also did the best I could, keeping myself very safe. Such a sweet little nervous ninny I was.

So sure it was true that I could make a mistake, that I wouldn’t be good at something, that it was going to be painful.

“In the beginning was the Tao. All things issue from it; all things return to it. To find the origin, trace back the manifestations. When you recognize the children and find the mother, you will be free of sorrow. If you close your mind in judgments and traffic with desires, your heart will be troubled. If you keep your mind from judging and aren’t led by the senses, your heart will find peace.” ~ Tao Te Ching #52

Turning the thoughts around, could they be just as true, or truer, than the original thoughts?

I am doing it right now, I am safe, I am not rejected, I can learn, this is not too hard, I can say yes and no, I can say I don’t understand, there are no mistakes, I can be good at anything I want to be good at.

Like earning money.

With Love, Grace

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When Your Job Doesn’t Feel Like A Vacation

It is incredible to see how many people think about jobs, work, and activity that brings in money as a trap.

One big prison sentence of having to figure out what to do to earn money, find a job, and then trade services, time and energy for pay.

You give them your time, effort, expertise…and you don’t get to live your life freely! You can’t do what you want to do!

You’re workin’ for THE MAN! (Clenched fist).

Not long ago a man I was facilitating in The Work around his small business was talking about the 99% (the slogan used in the US addressing the disparity between the ultra rich 1% and then everyone else).

He was talking about how so many people are ripped off, never can get ahead.

He said he noticed how most people are part of the rat race and he said how sad that so many people hate their jobs.

It reminded me of myself and my past view of work and business, that I was FORCED by society to make an income, that I HAD to have a job.

I once had the same attitude about work, corporations, paychecks, that “they” are controlling my vacation time, and sick leave and the whole shebang.

When I had one job, around age 24 (my first after college) I dreamed about being somewhere better, of not having to go to work Monday through Friday.

I complained internally about HAVING to DRIVE to work when I’d rather STAY HOME. So many things to do, read, learn…..and work was a big interruption.

I did not have The Work back then, a way to practice personal self-inquiry with clarity.

Thank goodness I still found so much that I actually liked about that job. I met friends there, for example, who became friends for my entire life….really deep wonderful friendships.

But having a global attitude towards work and jobs spelling trouble, of jobs being “hard” or unsatisfying, can really leave a person stuck.

I remember a moment in my distant past where I was on my way to my office job in the big huge city I lived in, frustrated that I “had” to go.

It’s helpful to see what was really wrong with having to go, what I believed I was missing, what was most annoying.

  • its better if you get to do whatever you want all day long
  • having a schedule is a burden
  • I want to be doing “x” instead (watching movies, playing music, reading, sleeping, hanging out with my children)
  • my job is boring
  • I can’t quit this job because I need the money
  • its too hard to find another job
  • there’s no time for creativity, fun, joy in my day
  • they run my life (the employer, the supplier of the funds)

My perception of work in so many ways was that it was an imposition. 

The concept my client questioned was part of that field: I would rather be on vacation. 

It seemed really true.

Vacation vs working on the business non-stop day and night? Duh! Of course that’s true!

Are you sure?

Are you sure you want to change the channel, get out of this supposed “non-stop” experience of working, and be on vacation, whatever that actually IS?

Is vacating really such a draw? (I personally find sitting on a beach with a cold drink interesting for about 30 minutes).

As I facilitated this thoughtful client through his frustration with trying to run a little business, he discovered that often, he knew what it was like to live without the thought “I would rather be on vacation”. 

He only had that thought when he felt exhausted, tense, unable to let go of the outcome of his day.

Without the thought that he’d rather be somewhere else relaxing, he relaxed. He slowed down.

He noticed that he actually had a big and rather puzzling project in front of him: how to become successful, how to make the money flow more easily, how to serve more people, how to have fun while doing it all, how to love his work life.

He LIKED that project, even though sometimes he felt frustrated with it because he had to learn so much that was new.

The full turnaround opposite to the thought is “I would rather be here, doing this work, having my day, being myself, creating, building, generating”.  

I love finding examples of this turnaround for myself, sitting with them, feeling them, imagining them to be as true as the original stressful beliefs:

  • I am doing what I want, I feel passion, joy and focus in my business, I have purpose, excitement
  • having a schedule is huge freedom, I don’t have to think about it, I’m in service
  • Every single thing I think I’m missing, I already do: watch movies, play music, read, sleep, hang out with my children, rest
  • my job is very exciting, my job is being me, wherever I am
  • I don’t need money to have a happy life, I don’t need a vacation to have a happy life
  • its very easy to find new work, job, ideas
  • there’s great possibility for finding creativity, fun, joy in my day
  • they run my life (the employer, the supplier of the funds) and I’m so grateful!

“Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience; taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” ~ Byron Katie

What if I can find happiness in whatever my status, job, position, work environment?

Wherever I am, whatever I do, whatever is going on?

“Use that opportunity of a diminished sense of self-worth and self-image, and step beyond. Then, perhaps, you’ll find a job – but your sense of worth no longer depends on what you do there, or what you don’t do, or achieve or don’t achieve. You will find some transcendence, and you can bring that transcendence into your next job. The clinging to mental images is not there anymore. You’ll be surprised how well you’ll do, in your next job, when the clinging to images isn’t there anymore.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

If you have thoughts about being unfulfilled, or wanting more vacation, question your thinking.

You may find fulfillment right here, right now.

And all you ever wanted in a vacation.

Love, Grace