As someone who has a private practice, it’s weird how often I notice thoughts about Employment vs My Own Business.
The other day, one of my clients who has been working with me for a very long time, wanted to dig deeper into her thoughts about work and jobs and career.
She was at a crossroads, had been sitting there for awhile, and through the work we had done together she was wondering if she should go left, or right.
She needed to take action.
(She needed some money–although we had done quite a bit of work on that over time and she was fairly relaxed about money overall, and had a good chunk of it in the bank).
But “doing” something was calling to her.
I had her make a list about her beliefs about getting a new job, or starting her own business (she saw the choice between the two as a key dilemma, or decision).
I’ve done this work myself.
I decided to do it again, after my day was over and this client kept popping in my head.
Here are the stressful concepts I myself found when it comes to the two ways to make a living and earn money, which have been my primary options in life (so far):
| Being Employed (Job): | Having Your Own Business: |
| Commuting | Volatile Income |
| Co-workers | Taxes |
| Required meetings | Hustling to fill retreats |
| Doing tedious or pointless tasks | Difficult (or irritating) clients |
| Must be onsite/at work | DIY (Do It Yourself or Hire It) |
| Five days a week | Working all hours, any time |
| Boring | People wanting it for free |
As I sat down to make comparisons, I could see how fast the mind would like to see what’s good about that other position over there, and bad about this one.
Or….what’s good about this position here, and bad about that one over there. (I love how this comparison drops in quickly when hearing about another person’s difficult plight, or remember BAD scenarios from the past).
Every single item on each list is worthy of questioning and clearing the mind, with The Work.
But the other day, when I wrote out this list, I had an almost-aggressive feeling about the pointless, tedious tasks I used to have to perform at my previous job, as I remembered it.
Data collecting, and putting the data into an excel spreadsheet.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I loved having the data–it was quite fascinating, and I loved making the charts and looking at comparisons and sort of the big picture, and sharing them with the leaders involved who cared about these results….
….but I HATED that I had to do the data entry.
Yuck.
SUCH A DRAG! NEVER AGAIN! (Grrrr, RESIST).
Can’t someone else do this? It’s so stupid. And boring. A waste of my time.
I hate when you have a job, you’re an employee, and you have to do stuff you hate!
This is so close to the work my client did….let’s question it!
You may have had the same thought as well, about anything in life you dreaded doing, thought it was boring, thought it was repetitive, dull, annoying, even overwhelming…..
….but you HAD TO DO IT.
Is that true?
Yes. It’s in the job description. I could get fired if I don’t…..
Are you sure?
No. I’ve never told anyone how much I hate doing it. Not one single person at this company. Including my boss.
How do you react when you think “I HAVE to do this task!”
I put it off. I wait until the last minute possible. I try to think of rewards, or motivation, or what I’ll do when I’m done. I do it, and bear it rather than enjoy one ounce of it. I feel tense, and tired. I look at my co-workers and see what they’re doing, and notice it’s better (or worse).
I think about quitting. Inside my head, I actually say “when I quit, I will feel sooooooo good….” and dream of the day, in the future.
But who would I be right now, without the belief “I HAVE to do this task”?
What if you couldn’t think about how you’re forced to do it, or it’s required, or it’s necessary, or fundamental to success, or that you better do it, or else (big disastrous picture)?
Without this thought of being so against this task, what my client noticed was she might ask for help, ask others if they’d be willing to do it, work with a partner, find support, or even ask other people what they suggest about how to do this task stress-free!
As my client did The Work, I realized *ping* how I never, ever asked my boss if there were any alternatives to me doing the data entry.
I always went to all our meetings, especially our annual review meetings (the ones all about me and my performance) with anxiety, with a sense of wanting to be extremely pleasing, dreading any criticism.
I was so on the defense from receiving criticism and trying to be perfect, that I didn’t ask for support or talk about what I didn’t like, or even consider what I’d like to do more.
Wow.
Turning the thought around:
You do not HAVE to do that task.
Could that be just as true, or truer?
Yes, for me in my situation, I didn’t “have” to do it. No one was holding a gun to my head. I wanted to keep my job. I wanted to get praised. I wanted to be thought of as the one who did it right, and did it well, and didn’t make requests.
I kept doing it! This job was many years ago, and it only occurred to me during this client’s recent inquiry that I never explored one other option, not once, than Doing It.
Who believed they HAD to do it?
That was me.
Kind of coo-coo bird, how much I blamed the job. But I didn’t know, until now, to question that thought and stop being such a victim. Must be perfect timing…now.
“An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love, Grace