Tag: job

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The best recipe when you hate your job

The other day someone wrote to me and asked: I’ve got multiple pages of writing on one very important and stressful topic.

Now what?

Great question.

Time to narrow things down a little. Time to really consider the beliefs rising within that feel so painful.

If you’re not sure, here’s what I like to do to get started:

First, I’ll make a list of interactions or moments with other people, incidents that happened, memories I have in my mind, that are all related to this topic of concern.

For example. Let’s say I’m worried I’m not doing a great job. (I had this thought the second day on staff at the School for The Work because I forgot to do something in my job description).

But let’s say it’s an overall stressful topic for you, when you think about work, employment, job, boss, your career. You’ve journaled on it. You’ve written about what you’d rather be doing. You’ve made a plan for yourself about how to change. You’re definitely troubled about the whole thing.

Now, make a list, as you look over your own journaling, of moments in time that were stressful when it comes to this topic. If you had a camera on these moments, and filmed the whole thing and saved them in your internal mental files, what memories would you say “prove” that this topic (in this case work) is stressful?

  • the moment at a staff meeting when my boss asked for a report and I didn’t have it, and she looked very disapproving
  • the moment one of my co-workers huffed with anger and said she had to do two jobs–hers, and mine!
  • the moment I received the assignment to create a database for new patients and update it weekly
  • the moment I’m in rush hour traffic taking 80 minutes to drive home, when it could take only 20 when not rush hour
  • the moment I had so little money left because of unemployment (before I got my job), I almost lost my house–I was sitting on my couch looking at my bank statement
Now I have some snapshots of moments I really dislike about working, and not working. My collection of what bothers me about the whole thing.

 

I start with one. There’s my scene from the troubling movie of my life. I see it vividly.

 

I then write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on that moment in time. Only that one. I start there. It narrows things down, puts it into a container the mind can handle.

 

Write all your troubles on the JYN. And then, of course (narrowing it down further to a small simple thought) we question what we’ve written on the JYN.

 

“She’s disappointed in me”. 
 
This thought is so different from “I hate my job”.

 

It drills into our overall blanket concepts and digs into why, how, where, studying the details of this experience of life we think of as “bad” or “wrong” or something we’d prefer not to encounter.

 

And wow.

 

When these specific concepts are taken to inquiry….

 

….how fascinating to discover they may not be as bad as we think.

 

Or just maybe, they may have had something to offer of deep importance.

 

Who would I be without my story of difficulty with working, employment, money-earning, bosses?

 

When I did this work in the past, I noticed I was freer, just one little bit at a time. I was more relaxed, I opened up to my boss, I had a difficult discussion with the co-worker I thought was always watching me like a hawk, I started enjoying the commute with my CDs to listen to on the way home, I noticed the gorgeous fountain in front of one of the buildings of the organization I worked for.

 

So much that was good about that job.

 

And more important, my attitude adjusted automatically, without me having to try, without me having to plan on how I would be quitting and what I could do to solve the problem.

 

Just a wee bit at a time–one thought at a time–taken to inquiry.

 

“What you’re thinking about them [or it] is the recipe for what you want.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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My job is sooooo boring. My job is sooooo demanding. Let’s take care of the story.

I’ve heard several inquiries from people recently about stressful thoughts on their jobs.

So much arises that’s challenging at work, whether we work for someone else or ourselves. Over the years, I’ve heard tons of worksheets on painful thinking about work (and written these kinds of worksheets myself).

The interesting dilemma with work I heard about lately?

Boredom. Or, the equal and opposite work issue….Too Demanding.

This job is soooooo boring! It’s repetitive, dull, doesn’t require my best skills, anyone could do it, stupid, too easy, not teaching me anything, unexciting, unchanging. I hate it!

This job is soooooo fast-paced! It’s relentless, frantic, requires my highest performance at all times, no one else could do it, too hard, never relaxing, confusing, chaotic, constantly changing. I hate it!

Hint: the “I hate it!” part is extra special stressful. Frustration, anger, irritation, despair.

Many years ago, I read an article on high stress jobs. I was surprised at the time to find my own current job, the first full time job I ever had, on the list.

The article spoke about jobs where people have very little assertion over what happens, or when it happens, and they don’t have all that much power to make any changes. Receptionist (my job), or customer service help, security officer, fire fighters.

In these roles, you’re waiting for the thing to happen. You have zero control over who walks in the door or when you’ll receive a call, or what time. You simply have to be available, with very little to do until that happens, or at ease with being suddenly interrupted if you are doing something else.

I remember in my 25 year old mind thinking “Oh! Cool! This makes so much sense!”

The high-performance jobs have the opposite kind of stress. You may still feel you have zero control in the long run, you’re trying to accomplish something vast, or other people (employees) don’t do what you want them to do.

I found huge relief in simply knowing my position could be called stressful. I had been running thoughts in my head about how I should be happy with this job, and grateful to be earning a living, and at ease with the low amount of responsibility required.

So I’d say first, if you are watching your thoughts and you notice ideas about restlessness, irritation, boredom, anger with your job….or anxiety, frustration, over-stimulation, worry….the very FIRST thing you can do is accept that you’re having these thoughts about your job for good reason. Hear them. They have something to offer.

These thoughts are worthy of exploring.

WELCOME, oh thoughts!

(This is a brilliant principle to bring to thoughts in your mind that produce any size stress at all–we’re not doing inquiry to crush stressful thoughts–we’re hearing them, and wondering about them).

Now, let’s dig in to this whole “my-job-sucks” situation with some questions, so you can get to the heart of your concern.

Stressful Situation A: You have nothing to do. No tasks, no projects. All that’s required is you sitting here, you being present. In my very first job, I wasn’t allowed to read. So I literally had to sit in my chair behind a front entrance counter space, with my head showing and generally facing forward. Sometimes I could work on tasks involving typing, or collating, whenever other people brought them to me.

Any time you hear the words in your head “I have to”….you may want to take a look. That’s what the energy of “force” can sound like. “I have to sit here, I can’t do anything else, this is so boring, I want to be somewhere else…..” It’s what it sounds like when you believe you have no control at all, no say, no choice. (Another way you could say it is….victim. But don’t use that to get mad at yourself now).

It was a humongous relief to learn it was normal to be stressed in the job of receptionist. It didn’t mean something was wrong with me! Yippee!

I began paying attention to other jobs at the same organization. I asked managers about positions I could move into. I asked the Business Director about what it took to be a bookkeeper and she told me to take a class, which I did.

I was the Receptionist at that company for six months. Then, I moved into the back library room and became the Information Center Specialist and got to reorganize the store room. It kept going up from there.

This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t had the simple idea offered to me in an article (long before I was aware of The Work) that my position was stressful, and I actually longed for more, and that was OK! I noticed who I was without the belief I’m doing something wrong, without the reaction to “my job sucks”.

Stressful Situation B: You have too much to do. So many things. There’s not enough time in one day to ever complete all the things you’re doing. You’re constantly working on projects after hours. You need a vacation, endlessly. People report to you. You need to handle people, planning, goal-setting, details, administrative stuff, creative concepts, meetings. And you need to do all these things really, really well.

I’ve gotten to this place in my work world in more recent years.

When believed, these thoughts can produce stress within, just like a boring job.

Like my first situation, if I don’t have the belief I should be grateful, and dismiss my concerns….I begin to inquire.

So let’s look more deeply at the kinds of concepts that spring from my-job-sucks thinking:

  • I need to get out of here
  • this whole place sucks, and everyone who works here (I find my proof)
  • I hate non-profit organizations/ health-care system/ corporations/ schools (or whatever kind of place you work, make a blanket statement)
  • I’m a loser
  • I should be more grateful
  • let’s look at the want ads for anyplace else but here (and let’s look every day)
  • I can’t leave right this minute because I need the money
  • no one can help me
  • I can’t handle it

The thing is, all these thoughts, for me, were inside the reaction to the very first feeling of frustration, the very first thought: I don’t want this. 

Almost immediately on the heals of that thought was one solution I frequently moved to, before I ever learned about The Work: I should make myself not think this thought.

It was like a No Win situation.

I hate it, and I shouldn’t hate it. But I hate it. But I shouldn’t hate it. But look over there, I have proof for why it’s hateful (did you see what my boss did? Did you hear that co-worker? Jeez!) But I shouldn’t be so contrary. But I guess I’m the kind of person who hates this. I shouldn’t be hating this. But I do! I QUIT!!

It’s an all-out war in there! Yowsers!

What if you questioned the thought “I do not want this (I hate this)”?

Let’s do it!

I do not want this moment. I do not want my thoughts about this job or this moment. I do not want this boredom. I do not want this frenzy. 

Is it true?

YES. Duh. This moment repeats itself over and over. I have to sit here, or quit. Of course I don’t want this! What do you mean….I have to suck it up? Dang right it’s true!

Are you absolutely sure you don’t want what is happening to be happening in your job? Right in that uncomfortable moment?

No.

Who would you be without this dreadful story of my-job-sucks and I hate it?

Oh.

Right.

I’d be back in my own business, curious about the duties requested for this position, curious about other opportunities, consulting and gathering more information. Not saying “no” to this. Not saying speedy quick “yes” to something else.

Turning the thought around: I hate my thinking about this job. It’s my thinking I don’t want. I do not hate this moment–I actually love it. What a place to be, getting to be here, alive, and see what happens next! I like having work, too. I like the money, the support, the learning. (You might find the specific things you love about your job. I remember finding an example once at a job I thought I didn’t want….Example: it has a fountain that’s gorgeous between buildings by the name of GRACE).

Turning it around again: my job doesn’t want me, it hates me (especially when I hate it). One example might be that it’s not my permanent job. I may be called to expand and do other more interesting, more wonderful things. Or, I may notice my job is supporting me so hard, and I don’t even notice. (Find examples again).

Turning it around one more time: I hate myself, when I’m hating this job. I don’t want me, when I don’t want the job. I’m fighting with the environment, the duties, the activities, the people. It’s not the real me. The real me is open, mysterious, accepting, relaxed. The real me is willing to speak up, explore, ask for help, share my inner thoughts about jobs, change it up, have fun.

Could it be just as true, or truer, that I LOVE this job? I want this job? Maybe you are the one who gets to dance with this job, in unexpected ways, without resistance.

What is “this job” anyway?

Who would you be tomorrow, your very next day at work, without your story of being in the wrong place?

WOOOOO HOOOOO!!

A Suspended Blue Ocean

The sky
Is a suspended blue ocean.
The stars are the fish
That swim.

The planets are the white whales
I sometimes hitch a ride on,

And the sun and all light
Have forever fused themselves

Into my heart and upon
My skin.

There is only one rule
On this Wild Playground,

For every sign Hafiz has ever seen
Reads the same.

They all say,

“Have fun, my dear; my dear, have fun,
In the Beloved’s Divine
Game,

O, in the Beloved’s
Wonderful
Game.”
~ Hafiz

Let me know what happens, as you inquire.

This is gonna be good.

“Sit, stand, lie down a little. But the story we run as we’re doing it–take care of that.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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If you don’t get a job soon….are you sure about the worst that could happen?

One of the more frightening times in my life was when I had no money and had to find a job ASAP.

It felt like a major emergency.

I tried to sell my house (no takers, couldn’t sell it for even the amount I owed on it), I had been on 20 job interviews, I had borrowed $6000 from a family member, my credit card was at the highest level as I had used it for groceries, and I was late on a mortgage payment.

Things looked very bleak when it came to money and work.

When I asked people to share with me their top stressful thoughts a few weeks ago, I had quite a few sharing “I need to get a job”.

The urgency and fear around getting a job can escalate with our scary images of what will happen if I do NOT get a job. I’ll lose my house, my car, my possessions, my sanity. I’ll never recover from these losses. Other people might even suffer (if you have dependents).

As I did The Work at that time 8 years ago on my dreadful feelings of panic about not getting work, a dear friend and facilitator asked me a powerful question:

What’s the worst that could happen?

Not insanely-wild-imagination-worse-case-scenario…but very likely what could happen that’s really, really bad.

So for example, even if my mind might imagine I’d be dying of starvation on the street, owning nothing, my kids given away to relatives to be raised….I really deeply knew this simply would not ever happen. I know too many people who I love and adore and who also love me. I’d have places to stay most likely. I really couldn’t see myself dying of not having work or money. Not really.

But I could see a worst case scenario that I was indeed quite terrified could happen: I’d have to go live in my mother’s basement with my two kids.

I pictured having to wake up at 5 am to drive them miles if I wanted to keep them in the same schools with the friends they knew. I felt horrible imagining their lives being further disrupted (there was already a divorce, just finalized).

I pictured feeling burdened by living with my mom, that she and I would drive each other crazy. We’d fight over refrigerator space, or chores (like when I was 13). I was sure I’d be such a loser, I’d hate myself and had an image of never recovering, never really coming back from the divorce or the failure–even though I was only 44 and could live many more years possibly.

I had thoughts like “my life is almost over” and “I should have gone to medical school” and how my life so far had been a huge mistake, I should have seen it coming, blah blah blah.

That mind will kick into high gear with incredibly alarming voices, words, shouts, pictures, and the resulting feelings of panic.

I felt abandoned.

My primary intense thoughts: I need money, I need a job. This is horrible.

Let’s inquire.

Is it true?

YES! Can’t you see my bills?! (I thought at the time)?! How can you even ASK this question—of COURSE I need more money and I need a job in order to get it!

YESTERDAY!

Can you absolutely know it’s true you need more money, and a job?

Yes. I felt so sure. I maybe had a tiny sliver of awareness that I would still be breathing without money or a job. I could see that I still had a car in my driveway, some food in my cupboards, and a beautiful rug on the floor.

Honestly, I could see in that very moment that it was not absolutely, 100% required I get a job immediately, or I would die on the spot. I was scaring myself with pictures of a slow decline and death, failing miserably and never recovering. But I had no idea what life would really look like, and I could see I was OK in that moment.

So no, I couldn’t absolutely know I needed a job and money NOW.

How did I react when I believed I needed money and a job NOW!?

My hands were bunched in two tight fists. My whole body was tense. I couldn’t sleep. I had to pace. I was sick to my stomach and not eating so well. I was frantic when I looked at job boards, and combed through online HR departments. I’d change and re-change my resume. I’d ask myself “what am I missing?” and wonder where else I could try to find work. I’d apply to everything that even slightly fit my qualifications.

My attitude, at that time, towards work was that it was a sucky thing you had to do for money. Money was required, and this world was set up poorly because of it. I didn’t even really WANT to work. I had never had a fun job.

My beliefs were that jobs were dull, you had to do what the boss says, and you get rewarded for your compliance with money and health care. SLAVE for money.

Heh heh.

If I was on a dating site, thinking a relationship was a required pain-in-the-ass but you need it to survive life, like the way I believed I was forced to work full time to survive in life….I’d be the worst partner ever. Desperate.

So who would I be without this terrible, disheartening, frightening story that I needed more money and definitely must have a job?

Kind of weird to wonder about NOT having this thought, when it appears you have a stack of bills, and debt, and you might even lose your house, right?

But let’s do it anyway.

It’s just an exercise in meditating on this very stressful belief about having to have a job, like I’m forced into something–I’m very small and tiny and needy, and life is big and dangerous and has the security–but only if you work and are willing to do things you don’t even care about doing.

Who would I be without that terrible attitude? Without the belief I’ve been abandoned? Without the belief that life is out to break me down into a pulp? That I’m on my way to losing it all?

Woah.

Without that story?

Huh.

I could see in that moment of no work, and the resentment chip on my shoulder (more like the size of a small boulder)….

….my mind was surrounded by a suffocating dark cloud when it came to thinking about work, jobs, house payments, bosses, office buildings.

So could I really go there, considering what it would be like without that story?

What if I just got here from another planet, and had no reference for jobs, working, interviews, resumes, applications, boredom at work, having to do what bosses tell you?

What if I had no history to compare to? What if I was in this position and it was a game, like landing here for the very first time, putting on a human suit, and seeing what I might conjure up when it comes to this whole money-job thing?

Oh…that’s what it would be like, without this dreadful thought I needed a job in order to survive!

I could take a deep breath, clap my hands together, and say “I’m in!”

I might think about working anywhere, without judgment. Maybe I’d ask way more people about work, and different people than I’d been asking. I could make an announcement in places I went every day, like the dance I attended each week and was trading work for my entrance fee. Or at the grocery store check out.

Maybe I’d send an email to everyone in my address book, and basically if it was a game where I had to move quickly, I might hit the streets and start asking everyone I ran into if they knew anyone who needed help. Perhaps I’d talk to the people at the bus stop, all of whom were headed at rush hour to jobs in downtown.

More and more ideas might pour into my mind, if my attitude was open, unafraid. Even if I didn’t get a job, I would know I went down doing my best….and that alone would feel good. It would make a great story.

She lived in the basement of her mother’s house, but only after going to 100 job interviews, handing out her resume to people walking the streets of downtown, asking for everyone’s attention at the local coffee shop and with a loud voice and a smile, saying I’m looking for work. 

Turns out….I never needed to all of those wild bold things, but without the belief I need a job and money like an emergency, terrified…..my mind got very creative. How fun to begin to brainstorm, just like all the engineers on the ground in Houston who were putting their minds together to bring Apollo 13 back to earth.

That’s who I was without my belief I need a job in order to survive. Excited. Confident. Ready to die trying. Willing.

Turning the thought around: I do NOT need a job or more money. A job needs me! (Turned out to be true). I already have a job, which is to question my fear in that situation, and live more joyfully. I choose to find a job and have fun acquiring money, not feel forced and like a victim about it.

If it had been my last day on earth….would I have wanted to be freaking out because I didn’t have a job?

No.

I also imagined the beauty of the turnaround that I might go live with my mother. How could that be fantastic, like the best thing EVER?

I’d get to know my mom way more, in my 40s. She’d get to know these two grandchildren far better, my kids. We’d be getting to live in a 3-generation household. I’d downsize even more, and I love having few possessions and traveling light. I’d get to know a new neighborhood (where my mom lived) for daily walks. I’d do The Work on my mom and she’d do The Work on me, it could be brilliant for discovering and un-doing old beliefs about us both. I wouldn’t have a mortgage! I might find a job in that new neighborhood, maybe something I liked because I’d have more time to be selective.

If I don’t get a job soon, the WORST that could happen is having to move into my mom’s basement….turned around….the BEST that could happen is having to move into my mom’s basement!

Wow, that was starting to sound true!

When I got a job offer, only about a week later, I was practically disappointed I didn’t get to move in with my mom and take on that amazing adventure of being with her in a new and different way.

Can you find benefits for your worst fears coming true?

Can you feel the relief at not having the thought you Must Have a job yesterday? Can you find examples that you actually have a job right now….called questioning your suffering about work and money?

Who would you be without your story?

“My job is to delete myself. If there were a bumper sticker representing my life, it would say CTRL-ALT-DELETE: THEWORK.COM. That’s where I invite everyone to come join me. Join me and delete your own beautiful self. That’s the only place where we CAN meet. I call it love.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

Much love,

Grace

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Who is making you do it?

dictator1
We have ways to make you do that task. (Believe your thoughts)!

As someone who has a private practice, it’s weird how often I notice thoughts about Employment vs My Own Business.

The other day, one of my clients who has been working with me for a very long time, wanted to dig deeper into her thoughts about work and jobs and career.

She was at a crossroads, had been sitting there for awhile, and through the work we had done together she was wondering if she should go left, or right.

She needed to take action.

(She needed some money–although we had done quite a bit of work on that over time and she was fairly relaxed about money overall, and had a good chunk of it in the bank).

But “doing” something was calling to her.

I had her make a list about her beliefs about getting a new job, or starting her own business (she saw the choice between the two as a key dilemma, or decision).

I’ve done this work myself.

I decided to do it again, after my day was over and this client kept popping in my head.

Here are the stressful concepts I myself found when it comes to the two ways to make a living and earn money, which have been my primary options in life (so far):

Being Employed (Job): Having Your Own Business:
Commuting Volatile Income
Co-workers Taxes
Required meetings Hustling to fill retreats
Doing tedious or pointless tasks Difficult (or irritating) clients
Must be onsite/at work DIY (Do It Yourself or Hire It)
Five days a week Working all hours, any time
Boring People wanting it for free

As I sat down to make comparisons, I could see how fast the mind would like to see what’s good about that other position over there, and bad about this one.

Or….what’s good about this position here,  and bad about that one over there. (I love how this comparison drops in quickly when hearing about another person’s difficult plight, or remember BAD scenarios from the past).

Every single item on each list is worthy of questioning and clearing the mind, with The Work.

But the other day, when I wrote out this list, I had an almost-aggressive feeling about the pointless, tedious tasks I used to have to perform at my previous job, as I remembered it.

Data collecting, and putting the data into an excel spreadsheet.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I loved having the data–it was quite fascinating, and I loved making the charts and looking at comparisons and sort of the big picture, and sharing them with the leaders involved who cared about these results….

….but I HATED that I had to do the data entry.

Yuck.

SUCH A DRAG! NEVER AGAIN! (Grrrr, RESIST).

Can’t someone else do this? It’s so stupid. And boring. A waste of my time.

I hate when you have a job, you’re an employee, and you have to do stuff you hate!

This is so close to the work my client did….let’s question it!

You may have had the same thought as well, about anything in life you dreaded doing, thought it was boring, thought it was repetitive, dull, annoying, even overwhelming…..

….but you HAD TO DO IT.

Is that true?

Yes. It’s in the job description. I could get fired if I don’t…..

Are you sure?

No. I’ve never told anyone how much I hate doing it. Not one single person at this company. Including my boss.

How do you react when you think “I HAVE to do this task!”

I put it off. I wait until the last minute possible. I try to think of rewards, or motivation, or what I’ll do when I’m done. I do it, and bear it rather than enjoy one ounce of it. I feel tense, and tired. I look at my co-workers and see what they’re doing, and notice it’s better (or worse).

I think about quitting. Inside my head, I actually say “when I quit, I will feel sooooooo good….” and dream of the day, in the future.

But who would I be right now, without the belief “I HAVE to do this task”?

What if you couldn’t think about how you’re forced to do it, or it’s required, or it’s necessary, or fundamental to success, or that you better do it, or else (big disastrous picture)?

Without this thought of being so against this task, what my client noticed was she might ask for help, ask others if they’d be willing to do it, work with a partner, find support, or even ask other people what they suggest about how to do this task stress-free!

As my client did The Work, I realized *ping* how I never, ever asked my boss if there were any alternatives to me doing the data entry.

I always went to all our meetings, especially our annual review meetings (the ones all about me and my performance) with anxiety, with a sense of wanting to be extremely pleasing, dreading any criticism.

I was so on the defense from receiving criticism and trying to be perfect, that I didn’t ask for support or talk about what I didn’t like, or even consider what I’d like to do more.

Wow.

Turning the thought around:

You do not HAVE to do that task. 

Could that be just as true, or truer?

Yes, for me in my situation, I didn’t “have” to do it. No one was holding a gun to my head. I wanted to keep my job. I wanted to get praised. I wanted to be thought of as the one who did it right, and did it well, and didn’t make requests.

I kept doing it!  This job was many years ago, and it only occurred to me during this client’s recent inquiry that I never explored one other option, not once, than Doing It.

Who believed they HAD to do it?

That was me.

Kind of coo-coo bird, how much I blamed the job. But I didn’t know, until now, to question that thought and stop being such a victim. Must be perfect timing…now.

“An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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Does Your Happiness Depend On Getting A New Job?

The other day, a lovely inquirer sent me an email to ask if I would write a Grace Note about job loss.

As in….

….HEEEELLLLLLPPPPP! I LOST MY JOB!!!!! OMG!!

If you’ve ever had the experience of unexpectedly losing work, the one or only way you relied on income, then you might panic.

Or….could it be your thinking is making you panic?

(Say yes).

Right now, in the Money teleclass, we’re looking at Everything Money. And it’s so closely connected to Everything Work, because you do your work, it seems, to obtain the paycheck.

Otherwise, you probably wouldn’t go to that job, right?

When you like your job, or you feel happy with the security it provides, you may feel very threatened when it drops out from under you in a way you didn’t plan.

First step….breathe very deeply.

And then, do The Work.

Here’s how you might approach your predicament, if you notice you’re waking up at night, anxiously checking job postings, or freaking out….

It’s a little counter-intuitive, as in opposite of what you might naturally do.

After you’ve breathed a few big deep breaths, and relaxed yourself as best you can….

….consider your Worst Case Scenario.

I know this is odd.

But what’s deeply helpful is to actually explore, rather than going insane on the inside and trying to avoid feeling too much, your greatest fear in this situation.

What are you picturing?

Are you thinking you’ll have to move? That you’ll lose all your worldly possessions? That you’ll be considered a failure? That you’ll starve to death? That you’ll be living under a bridge?

Be realistic now.

When I lost all my money, I had visions of absolute failure. When I really thought it through and took a look a my prospects, I knew my mom would take me in (she had already offered). I knew it would take a whole lot of crazy circumstances for me to ever become homeless. Too many friends, too many family members.

It made me sick to think I was about to lose my house to foreclosure (I didn’t actually wind up losing it, but I cut it close) and I felt like sucha loser.

The shame was immense. I wouldn’t have wanted any of those family members or friends to know….that was the real problem.

My embarrassment. My self-criticism and anger with me. My fury at feeling so alone and unsupported.

So who would I be without these self-defeating beliefs? Without these visions of me the victim? Me who wasted my education, who should have gone to medical school and planned a better career?

Who would I be without the belief that I was unsupported, and foolish? Who would I be without the belief that I needed money in order to be happy?

Noticing how much I still had.

Feeling the joy and excitement of change, new possibilities, inventing a new life, open.

Turning the thoughts around: you are supported, you are being invited to something new, you are smart, connected, a winner, you don’t need more money in order to be happy.

You will be fine if you lose your house, your possessions, your car.

More than fine, it could be an incredible, magical adventure.

That’s what happened to me.

I now have a house the most perfect size for cleaning, living in, sharing with my kids and husband, having people over….and it’s an 8th the size of my old house. I’ll have it paid off completely in less than a decade.

I love every piece of work I do (well, maybe some of the admin stuff irritates me from time to time, but its rare).

I own a car without any car payments.

The sky’s the limit with my income possibilities, it just keeps going up.

Every day I get to question my thinking, and study silence (my favorite).

See the benefits of whatever it is you’ve lost. They will be there, if you look.

See how it could be a good thing that you’ve landed where you are.

 

You may as well give some weight to the advantage of reality, rather than objecting to it.

In fact, the more you resist, the more you lose. Bummer, but it’s true.

“When you’ve become a total success in business and have more money than you could ever spend, what are you going to have? Happiness? Isn’t that why you wanted money? Let’s take a shortcut that can last a lifetime. Answer this question: Who would you be without the story ‘My future depends on making a lot of money’?Happier. More relaxed. With or without the money. You’d have everything you wanted money for in the first place.” ~ Byron Katie in Question Your Thinking, Change The World 

Who would you be, right now, without the belief you need a job, or money, to be happy?

Having a blast finding a new job?

Love, Grace