Category: Money

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Have Money But Still Feel Anxious

When people come to question their beliefs about Money, they usually fall into one of two categories:

  1. no money, limited income, barely enough to buy food, utilities, rent, struggling to keep surviving, difficulty with work, trouble with earning and receiving money
  2. huge desire to do something powerful with money, be free of the worry of it, wanting to make a difference, wanting the money flow to be meaningful

Not long ago I was working with someone who has plenty of money in her bank account.

But something bothered her deeply about her free time, the way she spent her money, her semi-retirement status.

She felt guilty, disconnected from the feeling of “drive”, lazy, pointless…maybe even slightly depressed.

She had grown children, a husband who was a super successful lawyer, and she did not want anything….

….except more meaning in her life.

She was sometimes bored. 

She attended lots of spiritual conferences and retreats, meditated, did yoga, traveled extensively. But if she thought about REALLY going for it and following her interests, she pulled back, afraid that she might lose a good thing, lose the support (in the form of money) that she had.

Clearly her problem wasn’t lack of money, but, there was something about this having of it that felt out of sorts.

I actually had the thought “gosh, I’d love to have that problem….”

And then she told me about how she couldn’t talk about this “problem” with anyone in her life because they all got jealous, thought she should be appreciative of her incredibly abundant situation financially, and stop complaining.

I snapped out of it, and looked at this set of beliefs she was bringing for inquiry…a deep feeling of lack of importance, that she “should” be grateful, and worry about other peoples’ criticisms.

I loved that I got this chance to be there and inquire myself, through her honesty and intention, and find out more about money.

It’s a very painful thought to think “I’ll just keep being bored or listless, or not feel much purpose….I should be doing more, but I don’t want to risk the good amount of money that I do have.”

It adds to the pain to believe you shouldn’t be feeling the way you actually feel.

Believing we should be doing MORE than we are doing is rough, or that if we step out into doing something new and unusual, that we could lose our financial stability.

“I should be doing something more….meaningful, important, fun, supportive, interesting, passionate, eye-catching, exciting, charitable, helpful….but that would be risky.”

Is that true?

Seems true. Seems like a lot of my time is spent taking care of myself and my family, gathering my nuts and storing them, and trying not to lose any of my money.

When I have this thought….even if quite low in stress level, I have a heavy feeling in the body. I think I’m not good enough. I feel guilty. Disappointed.

I get fearful thoughts about not having money, I feel anxious when I spend money. But I still buy stuff, since I have it.

Who would you be without the thought that you should be doing MORE with your life and that it’s scary to do something unusual, out of the status-quo, radical, or that you don’t need to worry about a future?

I wouldn’t have a feeling of hurry-hurry-hurry. I wouldn’t feel lethargic or self-condemning. I’d gently take care of myself. I wouldn’t compare myself to other people and THEIR success.

I’d give more, without nervousness.

The woman I facilitated answered that without her thought that she should be doing more, she could relax.

She found that without the thought that she should do more with all her abundance and time….she was enormously relieved.

Without the thought, she noticed that there were some ideas that excited her, a creative spark that lit. She might not WANT to travel all the time, she might not WANT to host parties, there may be some very thrilling things she could become involved in.

The turnaround: I do not need to do more with my life or worry about losing my money.

What if that was as true or truer than the original thought? What if whatever was being done was just right?

What if I need to DO less with my life? No need to orchestrate, push, control, plan, invest well, keep, hold on?

What if I stopped “trying” so hard to achieve, make a difference, accomplish, protect?

I might become fearless about money coming, and money going. Respectful, moving from my hand to that other place, and other money moving into my hand again (or not).

“I’ve never seen a work or money problem that didn’t turn out to be a thinking problem. I used to believe that I needed money to be happy. Even when I had a lot, I was often sick with the fear that something terrible would happen and I would lose it. I realize now that no amount of money is worth that kind of stress.” ~ Byron Katie

Who would I be without my money story?

I keep learning about it, every day, unraveling my beliefs….so very exciting. Such freedom.

“The Master observes the world but trust his inner vision. He allows things to come and go. His heart is open as the sky”. ~Tao Te Ching #12

Love, Grace

P.S. Click right below to read all about the upcoming 8 week Money teleclass. It’s such an adventure to question all the thinking about money, service, rejection, selling, employment. Join us!

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Time To Really Care About Money

Money.

What a lot of beliefs about one single topic! Where do we even begin?

This morning I was sitting on my pretty cream-colored leather sofa with my laptop, the little cottage quiet and cool in the dawn summer morning.

For many years, I sat on an ugly, torn, tan, ragged sofa in the very same spot.

It would hurt my left hip, because my butt sank so low into the crevas between the back and the seat, I practically sank through to the floor.

I grew up with that old couch. I believe my parents purchased it in the late 60s. It used to have a matching couch, but that one broke during a potluck gathering dinner about 15 years ago.

One of my friends, a guest, sat down and the couch caved in to the ground.

But I didn’t get rid of the second one! I couldn’t afford a new couch!

The gorgeous cream-colored couch I sit on now I bought six months ago.

I have carried many very painful beliefs about money, about buying things, selling things, selling services, trading money for fun, storing money, saving money, accessing money.

And over time (it’s taken a few years, ahem) I have felt myself getting lighter and lighter and freer and more thrilled and more excited about money…whether its in my hand (or my bank account) or not.

The reason it took me so very long to buy a new couch to sit on related to a huge pile of unpleasant and unquestioned and opposing beliefs.

If you had asked me, I might not have been able to even tell you these beliefs were present.

I had to undo them like peeling an onion. And yes, it made me cry. I have spent a lot of time worried, unhappy, and depressed about money.

I created for myself a lot of sadness and anxiety.

Here were many of my beliefs:

  • its very hard to get, earn, find, acquire money
  • I don’t have anything worth trading for money
  • I can do without….its almost easier, then no terror of losing money
  • when people (maybe me) get loads of money, they become selfish, greedy, sick, unspiritual, ruthless, anxious, and bossy
  • men like women who don’t want money or things that cost money….and since I like men, its dangerous to want money
  • when I have no money, I have no power
  • when I have no power, I don’t get to choose, decide, live, or be how I really want to be
  • I must work and not be picky about it
  • everything that is wonderful costs money
  • I can’t live an opulent, luxurious, rich, interesting life without lots of money
  • my life with money is a huge disappointment

It is very painful to believe these thoughts…it meant for me that life couldn’t be fun without money, and since money was too hard to acquire, that life couldn’t be fun.

My attitude was to make do, survive, and ignore money.

Like it was the crazy uncle who might be dangerous, so better stay away. Don’t ask too many questions.

Danger!

One of the first times I really sat with money and what it truly meant to me, I had so many images in my head I was confused.

It was like I had a huge committee screaming totally opposing ideas, solutions to this Great Problem of Money.

I began, however, with the first thought that I wrote down.

“I am upset about Money because I need more of it.”

I then asked myself the four questions, doing The Work.

Is it true that I need more money?

Are you kidding me? Have you seen my bank statement? I only have ten dollars left to my name!

But in that exact moment, sitting quietly, did I need more money?

Did I have enough food to eat? Yes. Did I have air to breathe? Yes.

I even had an old used car, a cute cottage, clothes, a whole kitchen with silverware and pots and pans and an oven.

But I need more money in order to have fun, to feel secure and safe, to feel at home, to feel comfortable, abundant, stable, peaceful, confident, powerful!

Was that actually true?

Was having more money the way to get these things?

Wow. No. I could experience any of these emotional states by questioning my thinking, by simply noticing that they were present.

All these elements were alive and breathing all around me, in most creative and interesting and mysterious ways: safety was here, security, stability, comfort, abundance, confidence, power, peace.

I could find examples of every single thing, how all of this was here, now, in this amazing moment called Now.

I began to look at the opposites of all that I believed, and try them on, just to investigate. I found concrete, genuine examples for every turnaround here, that I knew to be true already:

  • its very easy to get, earn, find, acquire money. Gosh, come to think of it, I’ve had about 50 jobs in my lifetime.
  • I have an infinite amount of ideas, service, creativity, skill, experience worth trading for money
  • I can do with or without, there is no fear necessary either way, I need not be concerned with any future
  • when people (maybe me) get loads of money, they become generous, giving, healthy, spiritual, discerning, calm, and easy-going
  • money has nothing to do with relationship unless you believe ancient thoughts that have been passed along for generations
  • when I have no money, I have lots of power: I am focused, clear, I know what my priority is, I feel determined!
  • when I have no power, I get set free to surrender into being how I really want to be
  • I do not ever have to work, and I can be picky about it in an exciting way and adjust, ask for, and explore what I like
  • everything that is wonderful does not have anything to do with money
  • I can live an opulent, luxurious, rich, interesting life without lots of money
  • my life with money is a huge teacher and success

Finally, I realized that I could go to a luxurious furniture store, with a lovely salesman, and smell the beautiful leather, and notice the colors, the styles, the artistic design, the beauty of all the play and energy that went into making every piece of furniture there.

I could find out how much my favorite sofa cost, and realize that I could come up with that much money because of all my ease, relaxation, inquiry and peace around every dollar that came and went through my life.

I said yes to questioning my troubling beliefs about money, and when I said yes to listening to these thoughts, and spent time with them….money started showing up much more often.

“Authentic inquiry is allowing yourself to care, to take on the weightless burden of caring. Everyone knows what it’s like to inquire out of intellectual interest–asking for the sake of asking or because you think you should. This is not caring. When you care about something, it gets inside of you. It gets inside the shell that keeps you from being affected or bothered, the shell that keeps anything really new from happening.” ~ Adyashanti

If you’re wanting support to question your beliefs about work, money, business and earning….if you want something new to happen….then come join our group next Thursday, July 11th, 5:15-6:45 pm Pacific time for 8 weeks. Click HERE to register.

If you need some scholarship help, write and ask me: grace@workwithgrace.com

Love, Grace

Dear Grace,

Thank you. A year ago you gave me a discounted place on one of your business courses. I went into it open minded but not exactly sure what (if any) impact it would have.

At the very outset of the course I remember you saying that we should deal with whatever will stop us from fully participating in the course.

That simple challenge meant it was the first course that I have taken that I completely participated in (and I have taken a lot of courses).

I am still working with my issues around money, however in terms of my business…

… it doubled within a year of taking the course.

Working with you was a major consciousness shift.

It was a brilliant and worthwhile investment on many levels.

Thank you for your valuable work – and very welcome grace notes.

~ JC, Kenya  

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Money and Sexuality Teleclasses Start Next Week

Next week two teleclasses begin: One on Money and many threads that relate to Money and the opposing or uncomfortable beliefs we have about it.

The other on Sexuality and all those thoughts that are most nerve-wracking or frightening or frustrating about THAT topic.

If you’re interested in either one click over to the teleclasses page. You can click on any teleclass page to read all about it.

Both Money and Sexuality are considered very sensitive issues. As in, so sensitive, you may not want to discuss them. Or hear other people discuss them.

It’s like there are certain codes socially that we may find ourselves automatically following, without even questioning whether they are true:

  • never say how much money you make to anyone, especially close friends or family
  • don’t talk about your attractions to other people, it causes trouble
  • don’t ask questions about sexuality, or express concerns—you’ll be embarrassed
  • if you’ve ever owed a lot of money, make sure to keep a lid on that information (people will judge you as a loser)
  • if you’ve ever had a difficult or violent sexual encounter, don’t tell anyone
  • if you’ve been in a troubling financial or sexual situation, there might be something wrong with you
  • don’t do business with friends or family, people get upset and it could ruin the relationship for life
  • if you make a lot of money or enjoy a lot of physical pleasure, people will get jealous, criticize you, feel envious, or think you are undeserving….so keep that under wraps
  • don’t talk about the details of your sexual encounters! Ewww!

I notice that people feel pretty nervous sometimes when we all gather together to identify our most troubling beliefs about Money, Work and Business OR Sexuality.

There are so many assumptions to move through, just to even be able to say your beliefs about these topics out loud! Yikes!

But as someone said recently….it’s so worth it.

Step Number One of The Work is seeing what you’re believing under the surface. These are the thoughts that you think, based on your past experience, that color how you look at your relationship with money, at how you feel about sexual feelings, attractive people, desire, or acquiring things with money, selling things, receiving money, earning money.

Step One is identifying your most upsetting beliefs. Good news: it’s not very difficult to find them.

They are there, often right in front of us in our heads (and felt in our bodies) when we have a stressful experience around one of these topics.

Something happens, and we feel worried, frustrated, anxious.

Our minds start running. These stressful thoughts are the petty, childish, embarrassing, judgmental, bitter, critical, mean, defensive, angry thoughts that are all there anyway, hanging back in the shadows.

They come out when we think we’re in danger, or threatened, or afraid that some past experience will repeat itself.

One of my most favorite discoveries in my life has been the numerous times I’ve found that telling the whole truth, asking all my questions, exposing my inner thoughts….has led to enormous freedom.

Who would you be without the thought that you shouldn’t talk about money or sex, for the danger of other people judging you, or other people behaving with uncertainty, or other people being upset, or feeling rejected?

Who would you be without the thought that you need to be quiet on these topics?

I found that when I didn’t force myself to keep thoughts about money or sexuality hidden, when I wasn’t frightened of my own thinking…..then I could use the thoughts, the issues, the beliefs I have had about these topics to become enlightened.

These areas of life offered amazing areas of investigation, for me to find out what was really true for me, to feel the peace and unconditional love available to anyone.

Who would you be without the thought that you have to hide, avoid, push away, or destroy your thinking or memories around these subjects?

You may find it’s safe to talk about them and investigate them, and a weight that has been on your mind (or physically on your body) becomes much lighter.

You may find that in your investigation and in your safety that other areas of your life, that have nothing to do with money or sexuality, become more clear, loving, and easy.

“There’s no intimacy when we’re in fear and there’s no love when we’re in fear…..it’s there, it’s just that our awareness of it is broken. So we experience this separateness. So what I invite people to do is to identify when they’re stressed out and look at their relationship, you know love and sex and what we’re all talking about here in this particular time together. We look at what we’re believing about our partner, and that either turns us off or it turns us on, physically.” ~ Byron Katie 

Finding out what you’re thinking about money or sexuality, for me, has been finding out what I fear and what I love.

What turns me on, or turns me off…with working, loving, spending, giving, receiving, being, conversing, connecting…finding out what I am believing is an amazing journey!

Come join other inquirers in exploring your thoughts and beliefs, what you have learned, observed, repeated to yourself, worried about, feared…..and see what can happen.

You may be surprised.

Who would you be without your stories around money, attraction, promotion, receiving, giving?

Who would you be if you felt joy, happiness, simplicity, love, health and ease with money or with sexuality?

“Not-knowing is true knowledge. Presuming to know is a disease. First realize that you are sick; then you can move toward health. The Master is her own physician. She has healed herself of all knowing. Thus she is truly whole.” ~ Tao Te Ching #71 

Money Teleclass: July 11-Aug 29, 5:15-6:45 pm PT, 8 weeks
Sexuality Teleclass: July 12-Aug 30, Noon-1:30 pm PT, 8 weeks

Freedom To Speak
“Thanks to all of you for such a wonderful teleclass and the freedom to speak about sex as if I was talking about a nose or arm, how cool that we have this time together…and thank you Grace for having the foresight to bring this topic to the open space of presence for us to question it.” ~ Tanya, teleclass participant

Marketing Became Easy 
“Through Grace and her class, I confronted my issues with marketing my business with patience, ease and self-compassion. She helped me open up to all my fears and depression over this issue and move beyond that without pressure and impatience. I learned so much from this course. I highly recommend it. It helped me understand that real freedom is not a how-to-do-it job. It is through being with myself as I am that I can find all the love and enthusiasm I relish from life. Results came out of who I was being, not in doing it “right” or through effort.”- Ben, teleclass participant

Love, Grace

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It’s OK To Ask For Money

It was a dark, damp, bleak January morning. My mortgage was due in 2 days for the little cottage where I had lived for 15 months. I had exactly 64 dollars in my bank account. The mortgage was $2,130.

Five months earlier, I could see this day coming. Even though I hated to, at that time, I had put my cottage up for sale. I only had enough money at that time to last about five more months.

To last until now.

Five months earlier, I did The Work on my deep grief and terror at having little time left to turn my life around financially. I was living off my savings, and my savings were draining. I was sinking as fast as the Titanic.

I had borrowed money from family, I had sold everything I could sell, I had done part-time manual work for cash. I had become willing and applied for a job at Starbucks. I had done a temp job at a hospital.

I knew if I purchased absolutely nothing but the basic necessities; food, heat, electricity and my house mortgage, I would be out of money by January.

My kids became eligible for Free Lunch at school.

I started working at a dance twice a week, trading my help for free entrance. I found out the school had special services for clothes, back packs and other items for my kids for school, based on my enormous drop in income.

A friend suggested I apply for food stamps. I refused….and later started to cry while thinking about it.

I could hardly believe I was eligible for food stamps. But I was.

Five months earlier, I had come to the conclusion, after doing The Work and questioning my long-held beliefs about failure, success, work and money, that I could sell my house.

It felt so, so sad. But I didn’t know that for sure. It looked like the most practical step, the necessary step. It was the worst that could happen, and I questioned that Worst Thing and found, maybe it would actually be OK.

I would go live with my mom. I had put my house up for sale.

The selling price was less than what I had paid for it with my former husband when we were still married, only two years before. It was now worth less, and I might barely make enough on the sale to cover the original loan.

I knew when I put my house for sale that I would make no profit, but at least I would be out of debt, and free and clear of the obligation. And I wouldn’t owe anymore.

I would prevent total and complete financial disaster.

I thought, by putting my house up for sale (which I did not want to do) that I would avoid THAT MOMENT.

But here was that moment. This terrible January morning when I had 2 days to pay my mortgage, and only $64.

As it had turned out, over the past five months, quite a few people had made offers to purchase my cottage. For very low prices.

The market was plummeting downward. “Sorry, but we need to offer you fifty thousand dollars less than what you even owe on the property….You will foreclose even after you sell, because you’ll still have a loan to pay off!”

All during this time of house-selling and keeping the cottage in pristine order so people could come look at it, I was also applying for jobs frantically. I went to many interviews. I was a job-interviewing expert.

As I sat there looking at the mortgage bill and knowing, I had no money to pay it, I had the thought that there was only one way I had not received money yet, that would be acceptable to my integrity.

A gift. Winning the lottery. Something weird and unexpected.

“I cannot ask for a gift of money”. 

Too shameful, humiliating, embarrassing. I would never do that, I couldn’t…

I sat and did The Work on this concept. Is it true, that I can’t ask for money? Who would I ask anyway?

What would people think? It made me feel sick to my stomach.

I cannot ask for a gift of money.

Is that true?

No. I CAN ask for a gift of money. But the embarrassment….so demeaning, so low.

Are you sure? Are you sure that you can’t ask….for fear of rejection, horror, people turning away, people being uncomfortable?

Yes. My answer is yes. I can’t ask. It is absolutely true. 

I had never asked for a gift of money my entire life, not that I remembered. Never. I had always, it seemed, believed this.

When other people asked for money, I thought they were really reducing themselves to the lowest level. They were at rock bottom. They were a mess.

Who would I be without the thought “I cannot ask for a gift of money”?

I’d probably ask right now. If there was any time that was the right time, knowing that I have done everything I possibly could, sold all my assets, looked for a job or income with all my might, and become willing to sell my home…this was probably the time.

The turnaround: I can ask for a gift of money.

I couldn’t find examples. I felt stuck. I did not know when someone, including ME, could ask for money and feel OK about it. I had no examples.

That night, the man I had begun dating about six months earlier took me to the movies. He knew I was bad off financially, but not how bad.

We saw “Cinderella Man” starring Russell Crowe.

Right in the movie was an example for “I can ask for a gift of money”. 

The main character swallowed his pride, took off his hat, knowing he had to do it to feed his own children, and went around a room full of distinguished looking businessmen, holding out his hat for donations.

I sobbed.

I told my new boyfriend about doing The Work on money, and the truth of my financial situation.

I told him that I still couldn’t actually ask for a gift of money….but at least I was open to the possibility that there are some situations when its OK, when it is done in integrity.

I was late for that January mortgage payment. Late payment #1. On the way to foreclosure. Only two more months of late payments, and the bank would reclaim my house.

But something also felt possible, not as closed off….like the awareness that in this world, money comes and goes and flows in and out and really, all would be well.

I loved seeing that turnaround appear before me in that movie. So beautiful.

Two weeks later, I drove (deciding to use the gas in the tank of my car) to the dance where I had been volunteering my work in exchange for free entrance for the past six months.

Now, I had $11 left in my bank account. I had a credit card I had been using for groceries, almost maxed out to the limit.

At the end of the dance, after helping put away tables and clean up and sweep the dance floor, and vaccuum….the woman who runs the dance (who had become a dear friend), and my new boyfriend beckoned me over, where there appeared to be a lot of people hovering…longer than usual at the end of the dance when people usually linger.

People hushed each other and were murmuring. Someone said “this is it! Quiet!….for Grace….”

Someone pulled me into the center of a circle that was forming, right in the middle of the dance floor.

“Grace, we’d like to present you with a gift. We heard of your situation, and we also heard it’s your birthday, and we took up a donation….”

I opened the thick bursting envelope….Tears welled up in my eyes. I could hardly speak.

Bills of cash from people right there in the dance community, checks from family who lived far away, checks and cash from friends in other countries, friends who didn’t live anywhere near me…donations from people who saw me at dance but weren’t even sure what my name was.

My boyfriend had extended the donation, put out the request to the universe, sent out emails….no expectations.

He called it the Birthday Bucket.

The next day, I paid my late mortgage. Two weeks later I got a job, and I paid the next month’s mortgage.

I’ve never needed to ask for any money since.

It’s OK to ask for money.

“Once you can think clearly, without the stress of your painful thoughts, the whole world, in all of its unlimited abundance and glory, will open up for you. A fearful mind is limited; it can see only a very few options. A clear mind can see many more options–unlimited options. It can act efficiently, effortlessly, intelligently, in the present moment, and not be stuck in its deadly stories of past and future.” ~ Byron Katie

Much Love, Grace
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The Fabulous Discovery of Not Being Special

Quick News: There is room in teleclass Earning Money, starting Thursday 5:15 pm Pacific, on diving in to the stressful beliefs about money, work, and business. Click here to read about it and register.

Here’s a beautiful note I received from a participant from this class:

Dear Grace,
Thank you. 
A year ago you gave me a discounted place on one of your business courses. I went into it open minded but not exactly sure what (if any) impact it would have.At the very outset of the course I remember you saying that we should deal with whatever will stop us from fully participating in the course. That simple challenge meant it was the first course that I have taken that I completely participated in (and I have taken a lot of courses).
I am still working with my issues around money however in terms of my business.... it doubled within a year of taking the course. Working with you was a major consciousness shift. It was a brilliant and worthwhile investment on many levels. Thank you for your valuable work – and very welcome grace notes. ~ Earning Money teleclass participant 2012

********

Other than upcoming teleclasses, this morning I am thinking about my recent travel. And being special (not).

Traveling by airplane is very, very bizarre, when you really think about it.

We humans can get on a big airplane that holds several hundred people, like an entire waiting room jam packed full, and all their bags and boxes, and the tubular unit (the jet) takes off into the sky and flies half way around the world at 30,000 feet.

That is sooooo bizarre.

Now, I am back in cool, gray Seattle, Washington where I normally apparently live. It’s morning here, and evening in Bali.

My brain is a little groggy.

My thoughts go something like this:

  • I should sleep all night without waking up
  • I wish I felt better physically, as in, energetic, well-rested, spunky!
  • My body has a life of its own…it seems confused about the hour of the day….and I don’t like it!
  • I wanted to be special and not have Jet Lag!

Ha! I want to be special!

One of my all-time favorite repetitive concepts, that I really don’t like to confess or mention, is all about being special.

This idea can appear just about anywhere.

It appears often for many humans in primary relationships, family situations, then work situations, creative endeavors, the urge to be “known” or  perhaps “famous”, loved, adored, special around health, time…you name it.

It’s a little embarrassing to admit having the idea “I am special”.

The mind has a voice that says “You are soooo special. You are not like all other people. Just look! You are clever! You are successful! You are an amazing manifester! You look young for your age! You’re a good athlete! You are quite a unique talent! You don’t even get Jet Lag! WOW!”

I call that the Pumper-Upper Voice. It gives assurance and pep talks and cheer-leading speeches, in an effort to feel relief, or dissolve worry, or deny that there is fear present about being ordinary, just like all other humans.

That voice that gets interested in being special is comparing yourself to everyone and everything else. It’s like there’s a huge gigantic competition, and where you fit in the percentiles actually matters.

That voice enjoys feeling like you might have a leg-up, part of an elite group, an outlier, lucky, a hard-worker….special.

Often in primary love relationships, we get very caught in thinking we are special because the other person thinks we’re special and we think they are special….specialness all around.

But no.

It’s the very same flip-side thinking as comparing yourself to others and to the universe and finding yourself lacking, less-than, worse-off by comparison.

I have a body, just like everyone else does. It is actually nothing special.

Neither is my mind, my journey, my relationships, my life experience.

The thing is, “getting” this idea at a most deep level (and we all really do get this)….that I am mediocre and ordinary and just like everyone else…can be the most wonderful, liberating, extraordinary thing.

Nothing to brace against, nothing to push towards, nothing to strive for. Simply alive, living this moment, being here….tired and knowing very little, not having any answers, on my way to death eventually.

Not trying to feel pumped, or encouraged, or bolstered up or full of big accomplishments as opposed to tired, normal, middle-aged (or whatever age you are) person.

Allowing everything about yourself to be as it is, without wishing it to be different, and without giving yourself a gold star either for accomplishment.

“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” ~ Pema Chodron

If right now, today, you loosen the grip of wishing you were something other than what you are, no matter how tiny the thoughts (like “I wish I wasn’t jet-lagged” or “I wish I had more money”) and see who you would be without the thought….you may have an inspiring, extraordinary, awesome feeling of relaxation.

No big deal.

If you let go of the complaints, you let go also of the compliments, the strutting, the feeling of control or better-ness or having a special spin on things…..and it’s really OK.

It’s more than OK, it’s so ordinary and sweet, without needing anything to be different….that it feels amazing.

Who would you be without the thought that you are special, different, exceptional, admired, or that it would be better if you were?

“The funny thing about enlightenment is that when it is authentic, there is no one to claim it. Enlightenment is very ordinary; it is nothing special. Rather than making you more special, it is going to make you less special. It plants you right in the center of a wonderful humility and innocence. Everyone else may or may not call you enlightened, but when you are enlightened the whole notion of enlightenment and someone who is enlightened is a big joke. ” ~ Adyashanti

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Due to great interest, I will likely start a Fall Group for the One Year Program of Inquiry on Thursday evenings Pacific Time (a different time option) beginning in September. I so love the joy people are drawn to in creating a group community sangha to investigate their stressful beliefs together for a whole year. Click here to read all about it.

P.P.S Two spaces left in Horrible Food Wonderful Food—join us on Tuesdays!

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Outer Ducks and Inner Ducks

All the many of you with questions about Powerful Living, click HERE to hopefully get them all answered. Amazing fee of only $69 for our first time, as three women (me included) combine to offer a rockin’ awesome workshop for women in Seattle. We want you!

Lately in the past year, I’ve been asked by many people for sessions in how to market, or grow a business, or get clients, or create workshops, or for copies of my curriculum.

Quite a few people think I’ve really gotten my ducks in a row, as the saying goes.

So odd, I’ve had a funny feeling about it…..like “your’re askin’ ME? I have no idea!”

I realize of course I DO have ideas, many of them, and I am virtually bursting with energy and joy and eagerness to learn….and honestly, even if it sounds hokey, the feeling of being of great service.

When I work with people who have had enormous struggles with weight, body acceptance, cravings for food, compulsive and emotional eating….I stopped talking about the actual details of the food a long time ago.

In other words, I knew not to talk about diet, nutrition, calories, raw vs cooked, vegan, meat, junk food, sugar, wheat, dairy….or whatever else has been educational and so important for people.

Those topics fill whole master’s degrees in nutrition and cellular biology. Each person is unique and every single body has its own path. All kinds of things contribute to what works and what doesn’t.

There are incredible experts in the world who can really, really help with this piece…it’s the part where you get your outer ducks together.

You research, read, consult experts, and land on your personal approach to food. You feel what it is for your body, based on many contributing factors. I have loved, for example, learning about ayurvedic medicine. But that is NOT for everyone.

My skill and passion is in getting the inner ducks in a row.

If someone said “tell me what you eat all day every day” then I know they are feeling really shaky about all the outer messages about what is right, wrong, good, bad, best, or worst way to eat. They don’t know that they can find out what’s best for them.

It’s normal to feel super crazy uncertain about all of it. Especially when we’ve lost any sense of inner trust with ourselves. Especially when something is new and we Don’t Know Anything.

But what if you just arrived from another planet, and you had no idea which food (or marketing) was “good” or “bad”, and you knew this universe was friendly, and you’re ready for the adventure of learning?

What if everything edible had some beauty in it, and there was no danger of making a mistake, or missing something, or doing it wrong?

What if you learned only what was appealing to study, without any “shoulds” or “have-to’s”.

You might be like me, and give up reading nutrition and diet books (at least for now). Although I’m grateful for the knowledge I gained from the ones I did read.

You might also be NOT like me, and become an amazing dietician, offering people ideas and education and saving them years of time and energy.

Running a business and working with people one-to-one and creating workshops and marketing and writing….all of these pieces of what I know have been like the diet/nutrition side of success. The end result, the outer duck activity. Not really my forte or what I find as fun.

With marketing and running a business, I am a baby. I’ve learned a ton, I’ve tossed out stuff, I’ve found some things very appealing, I’ve found others smelly.

I’ve questioned my thinking.

My own little path, landing here on this planet and starting to learn and read and gather and research about how people offer service in exchange for making a living. Mixing it all in with my unique interests.

If you are on the path of service and you are “in business” for yourself, and especially if you’re new at it, you may have lots of questions…

….but I say here as a reminder, remember to look at your inner reasons for feeling overwhelmed, or uncertain, or like you don’t know.

Yes, you will and can read, take classes, go to lectures, consult professionals.

But inside, get those inner ducks in a row, and everything will be easier and things will become clear.

Who would you be without your story that you don’t know what to do (and you should) or that you don’t have business or sales experience (its too hard to learn) or that you feel too scared of rejection or that you just need to know the right business “diet” and then all will be well?

You might encounter today the one little interesting step you can take in building your business that has total integrity for you.

You might feel the joy of DIY (doing it yourself) and creating out of nothing something that makes a difference.

“A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving. A good artist lets his intuition lead him wherever it wants. A good scientist has freed himself of concepts and keeps his mind open to what is.”~Tao Te Ching #27

I know that whoever you are, whatever work you do, whatever business you’re starting, whatever body you have, whatever relationship you’re in or out of….you are in exactly the right place, right now, with the right amount of love and knowledge, and a mind that can question itself.

To think otherwise is very stressful. I speak from experience.

Who would you be without the thought that you need to do something or add something to yourself or get something….or else you will fail?

“As soon as you grant this moment its right to be, there’s total stillness.”~Adyashanti

Love, Grace

P.S. If you’re ready to work on the Inner Ducks and see if they at least begin to assemble into a row (ha)…then the next Earning Money class starts in June on Thursday evenings Pacific time. We get deep into all the stressful thoughts we’re having about what we need more of, or less of, to be successful (and what is success or failure, anyway?) Doing what you do, whether at a job or in business, with freedom, is more fun than doing it because you should, you need to, or you have to. Click below on the Earning Money link to register. This class fills these days, limited to 10 people max.

 

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Blowing Oscillating Beliefs

This morning I was looking at my notes from a past teleclass on Earning Money.

My amazing group of fellow-travelers inquiring into Money, Work, Jobs and whatever this thing is called “Business” had a fabulous session in our second teleclass together.

We were looking at what we really, really need with regard to work/money/business.

I need to expand myself, my company, my capacity (for energy, enthusiasm, productivity) or my bank account. I must expand! I must grow! I must drive!

There is such a deep belief, really a whole system of thinking, that I must push myself, discipline myself, organize myself, focus on peak performance, plan, set goals, and dig out what is “wrong” with me in order to GET OVER THERE.

Over there is wealthy, powerful, secure, productive, famous, successful!

Over here could use some improvement. Over here is confusing, messy, chaotic, unpredictable.

I loved it when one participant used the word “oscillate”. I had an instant image of an oscillating fan. Push the “on” button and it starts going back and forth across the room with little whirrs and clicks.

The mind flip-flops the same way. Or shall we say, it blows!

Thoughts going that way, thoughts going this way, spanning the whole entire horizon.

When I believe that I MUST push myself to get anywhere important or positive, then of course I am focused on how to push myself.

I may secretly notice that I don’t really like being pushed that much…nor do I respond exactly to being pushed, some of the time.

Hard to relax completely, hard to force myself to do everything on my list. BOTH are difficult, stressful, not really that fun.

But I have to push, I have to force or cajole, in order to “make” something happen….right?

Otherwise, my true nature is to be a worthless piece of junk laying around by the pool all day. Even if there is no pool!

If I don’t MAKE stuff happen, then I will be offering nothing to the world, interested only in me and my comfort. Interested only in getting through this life as easily as possible, without hardship. Avoiding hard knocks.

One big non-productive lump.

NOT TRUE.

In our class, we all tapped into who we would be without the story that we have to push or make an effort at all, not only just about getting money or building a business or being a great employee….but for any other deep desire.

What a weird, unusual, foreign concept for so many of us hard-drivers!

What a gift, to relax so completely that you get to find out who you would be without the belief that you HAVE to do something?

“The more you can be completely in the NOW, the more you realize that you’re in the center of the world, standing in the middle of a sacred circle.” ~ Pema Chodron  

The beautiful thing is, we all wind up doing things, being in this body in our circumstance, in this place. We have an idea to call a person to ask for a job, or get help from someone to write a resume, or we google something about how to make online flyers, and it’s fun. Or we get up to go to the bathroom. Or go out for a walk.

Life unfolds itself, and money comes and goes.

“I do NOT have to push or force anything to grow, whether with money, or awakening, or learning”—How exciting to find that this is actually truer!

What are examples in your own life that NOT pushing, NOT forcing, NOT being a task-master still leads to growth?

“The Tao is always at ease. It overcomes without competing, answers without speaking a word, arrives without being summoned, accomplishes without a plan. Its net covers the whole universe. And though its meshes are wide, it doesn’t let a thing slip through.” ~ Tao Te Ching #73

Love, Grace

P.S. If you’re wanting to look at money, work, jobs and business closely, come join the next 8 week teleclass on Earning Money starting in June. Email grace@workwithgrace.com to let me know you’re in. Scroll down on the list below to see all the upcoming offerings!

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Asking For Money Is Tacky?

Many people have written to me with questions about the One Year Program starting in June. One of the most important logistical questions has been “can I make payments, instead of pay all at once?” I just got that figured out, and it’s at the bottom of the webpage all about the program if you click HERE. If you’re eager and you know this is right for you, I’ll make every effort to make it work.

Finances and money and business and earning can bring a whole WORLD of stressful thoughts. Signing up for things that cost something, paying for services, providing services!

Oh man! It’s rough!

I used to think “YIKES! I hate asking for money!! I would do this for free (with my work)!”

Now I certainly don’t hate it, but it’s not always exactly easy-peasy. Isn’t that strange? So many underlying and rather oppositional beliefs about asking, waiting, charging, stating what you want or need.

  • it’s not classy to ask for money, even if you need it
  • people think you’re a loser, or selfish, or greedy, if you want money
  • people think you did something stupid or wrong in your past if you need money now
  • asking is too vulnerable, people might criticize you
  • people think you’re untrustworthy or disorganized or dumb if you can’t pay your bills
  • getting into debt is for people with very bad planning–they should have known better
  • spending money on things you don’t need is wasteful
  • it’s more altruistic to give without asking
  • you better give something of big fat value if someone gives you money
  • if you do something “luxurious” people can get jealous
  • rich people are having more fun than poor people

Just remember, stressful thoughts are NOT LOGICAL. But they still can sit there in the back of the shadows and run your behavior in surprising ways.

About five years ago I was in a workshop about my relationship with money. After several days of writing, looking, examining beliefs about money (like the ones above) we had an exercise assigned to us:

Go out into the street and do what it takes, by asking, to receive six dollars, and then give away six dollars. No explaining to people that this is an exercise. Just “get” six dollars from total strangers.

I just about threw up on the spot. I was NOT going to do that very unpleasant totally tacky exercise. I already felt low about money…this would make it worse.

What would people think?

But I knew that I was experiencing something strong for a very important reason: VERY STRESSFUL THOUGHTS ABOUT ASKING FOR MONEY (see above list).

You know what I was like because of those thoughts about money? Shut down, quiet, secluded, undemanding, not very generous, careful, worried, passive, anxious, never standing up for myself, low passion about work, low-income jobs, not very creative, powerless, hidden, soft-spoken, nervous, bad feelings about myself, and thinking I had little to offer.

I was like a twisted knot of stress. I just wanted money to go away. I wanted to never encounter it or need it at all. In fact, I treated money like a nasty, crazy uncle who needed to stay in the basement.

One of the most powerful life-changing exercises for me has been to question this kind of thinking about money, and my relationship to it.

What if it’s my friend? What if it comes to me like breathing in and out? What if it is beautiful and exciting to ask for it, like asking someone you find very attractive to have tea, or dinner?

Those are the kinds of ideas that began to occur to me when I considered who I would be without the thought that wanting money is bad.

How would you live your life if you turned these thoughts around? What are examples of them being true for you in your life?

  • it is very classy, wonderful and eye-opening to ask for money when you need it
  • people think you’re a winner, self-less, generous, if you want money
  • needing money in the present moment has no meaning about the past or something going wrong…things are adjusting perfectly, you are creative, and you are safe
  • asking is neutral, or a sign of strength, and people might accept you even more
  • people think you’re trustworthy, organized, or smart if you see truthfully that you can’t pay your bills and you’re authentic and realistic about it
  • getting into debt is for people with very good planning, and you can plan your way back out
  • spending money on things you don’t “need” is joyful, celebratory, fun
  • it’s more altruistic to ask, you are caring for your life
  • you better give something of big fat value FOR YOU if someone gives you money
  • if you do something “luxurious” people can get inspired
  • you can have fun no matter how much money you have…even with nothing

What if you lived this kind of relationship with money for the rest of today?

Freedom, joy, happiness, dancing, resting, relaxing, connecting all can happen, even with an empty wallet. Even with a full wallet and a business to run and help to offer other people who are looking for your services.

Nowadays, money lives up here in my house, not in the basement. Money is a delightful, fun, friendly relationship.

It is fun living the turnaround that money is wonderful to ask for. I see how wonderful it was to ask for it when I almost lost my house and had no money left…and then I gained so much confidence watching myself pay back my debts.

If you need time to achieve something, it must be false. The real is always with you; you need not wait to be what you are. Only you must not allow your mind to go out of yourself in search.”~Nisargadatta

“Many of us are motivated by a desire for success. But what is success? What do we want to achieve? We do only three things in life: We stand, we sit, we lie horizontal. Once we’ve found success, we’ll still be sitting somewhere, until we stand, and we’ll stand until we lie down or sit again. Success is a concept, an illusion. Do you want the $3900 chair instead of the $39 one? Well, sitting is sitting. Without a story, we’re successful wherever we are.”—Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Love, Grace

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No Money Is Exciting

NO MONEY IS EXCITING

This morning was the last Monday of the always-wonderful teleclass on Money. It seems that money (and maybe everything comes down to this) leads to thoughts about existence. Money appears to be the cure for many forms of pain.

In this last exercise for the money class, we all consider a scene or situation that seems terrible, the worst perhaps that could happen when it comes to money, or lack of it.

Many people have visions of living on the street, or in a field with tarps overhead, with a shopping cart as the only method of carrying things. Cold, no food, no way to bathe.

Just yesterday, I rode in the front passenger seat returning from a beautiful sunny afternoon with family in Seattle (at my mother’s). Since my husband was driving the car, I looked into the bushes and trees and wild areas for a long stretch in the main north-south freeway in this big urban city that I’ve mostly called home base for forty years.

I saw whole group camps in there, people living in tents. Flashing by. It seems like I’ve seen this in every city I’ve ever visited, all over the world. Some maybe more prominent than others.

I saw tarps strung up between trees, another tent, worn trails that looked like hiking trails out in the wilderness, then one person walking along one of them.

We passed so quickly, it’s something not possible to even see unless I was not driving. I’ve noticed the same area for years, actually.

What is frightening about this scenario of what looks like homelessness? In our class, a wonderful inquirer thought about the cold…how terrible to be physically cold.

I think about walking the winding trails near the freeway myself, and notice fear of the people who live there being scary…that they might want to hurt me, they might be mean and desperate.

So together in our class we looked….and today I’m looking again, and thinking of the blue and black tarps and signs of humans living in the trees.

How do I react when I believe the thought that I would get hurt if I had to find a place to stay and didn’t know where? If I was stuck somewhere without money? If all I had was my car, or not even that but only a cart?

How do I react when I believe that it would be dangerous, terrifying, disturbing?

Have you ever noticed that one way you react is that you get mad at yourself for getting into this situation? You get mad at those other people who pushed you into this, or contributed to your demise?

I notice if I wasn’t afraid though, I wouldn’t get angry.

Who would I be without the thought that I made a mistake, I did it wrong, or that if I were walking in those bushes or living on the sidewalk or without any money, I would get attacked or suffer?

What if I really were in the middle of that situation that I imagine, cold and without money and not knowing where I was sleeping perhaps, owning nothing….and I did not have the thought that I failed, or something is wrong here, or that life is not worth living?

This is not about conning yourself into positive thinking, or telling yourself to think happy thoughts and “trust” when you do NOT trust.

This process here is about inquiring and asking myself who I would be without the fear of having a “bad” relationship with Money? Meaning, there isn’t any around to help me.

Who would I be without the thought that I need money to be safe, productive, comfortable or happy?

Free, free, free. Can you imagine it?

When I had no money left, my house on the way to foreclosure, I discovered that I might “have” to (it became—I might GET to) move in with my mother.

I realized what a joy that would be. How healing, what an opportunity. A time to make everything entirely and completely simple. Safe, focused, few possessions, comfortable, excited.

“You know what I love is everyone is all right. Everyone is all right. Find one place where you are not all right. I mean, you have not one proof that you’re not going to be all right when you look to your own life. Can anyone give me an example of one time when you were not OK? Other than what you were thinking and believing in your worst moment…were you OK?” ~Byron Katie

Could this situation be an adventure? What if I’m the luckiest person ever to have had that experience of having no money left in the bank?

But most important of all, what if that situation is now a memory, and right now the adventure is different. The amusement park ride has switched tracks. It is no longer necessary at this moment to be without money. And that could change any moment.

“Wherever you are is the place for surrender. Whatever the situation is that you’re in, you can say “yes” to what is, and that is then the basis for all further action….The desire to renounce the world is again the desire to reach a certain state that you don’t have now. There’s a mental projection of a desirable state to reach–the state of renunciation. It’s self-seeking through future. In that sense, it is ego. True renunciation isn’t the desire to renounce; it arises as surrender. You cannot have a desire to surrender because that’s non-surrender.”~Eckhart Tolle

Identify whatever it is that scares you the most about money. Not having it. Having it. Those other people having it. Those other people not having it.

“Other than your mind, you’re on a very exciting adventure.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace
P.S. We have room for 3 more in next Saturday afternoon’s mini-retreat. If MONEY is the relationship that troubles you…come give yourself a gift of 4 hours looking at your stressful thoughts about it. Who knows what letting go of thoughts of needing, wanting, demanding, fretting, or worrying about money, or ANY relationship, might bring?

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You Have To Change Your Thinking

The other morning I had a one-on-one phone session with my wise and kind teacher Stephan Bodian.

I notice that the way the mind works is that it appears to be able to co-opt any experience into a seeing it as a slightly imperfect one….or a horrendously imperfect one.

Consulting with an expert, a teacher, a consultant, or even a good wise friend can be an incredible gift, full of learning, awareness, another perspective, good counsel.

Connecting with another person individually, or in a small group where you can’t really “hide” (whether you’re the talkative type or quiet type) can sometimes feel really vulnerable.

The actual content of my phone call was super crazy awesome for me. All it took was a short question and some back-and-forth talk and hearing Stephen say a few things in response, and I felt moved to tears at remembering what really matters…..the mystery of it all.

But before the call…aiyiyi. Here came the pesky mosquito-like thoughts that almost seemed ridiculous and meaningless, and they created NERVOUS energy.

Seriously, the day before this one phone call, I was thinking “how can I get the MOST out of the 30 minutes I have with him on the phone? What’s my biggest, grandest question? What’s the one most important thing?”

Not BAD to have those kinds of thoughts, but my mind started spinning with ideas.

Hmmm, maybe I should talk about my constant need to work on my business. Maybe I should talk to him about “goals” in the real world and how to let go of them. Maybe I should talk about my lack of meditation time, the dumb thing I did last week, or my self-criticism. Maybe I shouldn’t be too emotional (not likely, knowing me).

Jeez, maybe I should ask him for advice about Nervousness.

What I noticed, throughout my day, and in the morning before getting on the phone, is that I was relaxed, then tight, then thinking, then forgetting about it all, then relaxed.

One thing that Stephan talks about, as many other wonderful teachers do, is the idea that thoughts remain present, even all the busy, stressful ones….but as we see who we really are, they lose their grip.

As Byron Katie says, the thoughts still appear, we just stop believing them.

The split second between thinking a thought, which seems to appear out of nowhere, or as a result of something happening “out there”….and then BELIEVING that the thought is true, seems inconceivably fast.

It almost seems like it’s impossible to follow, to catch. When was the moment that I started believing something, versus just having it run through my mind?

One thing I’ve found, is that the body will tell you when you’re believing a thought. It begins to feels stress. Adrenaline kicks in, muscles tighten, teeth clench, the stomach feels tight. The more you are believing your un-true thoughts, the more stress you feel.

Believing un-true thoughts is stressful, that’s what happens. You can’t believe 100% without doubt the thoughts “I need more money” or “I am too fat” or “this phone call MUST be fruitful” and get all happy and psyched and excited.

When you’re a believer in your painful thoughts you don’t jump out of your chair and say “This rocks! I am so, so, so happy that I’m thinking this thought! WOOHOO!”

Except….with The Work and investigating your thinking, you CAN get much lighter.

Who would I be without the thought that something has to go “well”, or that I need anything at the moment, or that I should be doing something else right now, or that I ought to find enlightenment tomorrow afternoon?

Who would I be without the thought that I need or want to get something out of a phone call?

I am filled with gratitude, joy, and peace during the phone call. I breathe deeply.

Even though the phone died, and I couldn’t hear some of what Stephan said (I had the thought during the crackles and dead-space that I always get bad reception–ha ha).

Even though I had waves of various emotions in the rest of the day following my phone call…I remembered that my thinking is not really ME.

“…..we change like the weather, we ebb and flow like the tides, we wax and wane like the moon. We do that, and there’s no reason to resist it. If we resist it, the reality and vitality of life become misery, a hell.”~Pema Chodron

When I allow my little conniving, worried, irritable, jealous, childish thoughts to just be there, instead of OMG I MUST BE A HAPPY PAIN-FREE BRILLIANT PERSON AT ALL TIMES then I take the edge off the suffering.

Maybe even the suffering moves into tears, into expression, and dissolves away.

Who would you be without your belief that you HAVE to change your thinking?

“Rushing into action, you fail. Trying to grasp things, you lose them. Forcing a project to completion, you ruin what was almost ripe. Therefore the Master takes action by letting things take their course. He remains as calm at the end as at the beginning. He has nothing, thus has nothing to lose.”~Tao Te Ching #64

Today, I look forward to the next phone call, the next session, the next contact with other people, the next exploration of truth.

I look forward to my mind having a few pissy thoughts about All This….if it does.

Love, Grace

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th. 
  • Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29-May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.