Category: Money

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Gimme More Right Now

Yesterday I was reviewing the thoughts many of you sent in
that were your Top Three stressful beliefs for 2011.

What a fun list! OK, “fun” is not exactly the word most would use.

So many of our painful beliefs have to do with what we’re
thinking about ourselves:

*I’m not doing enough
*I should be doing MORE
*I’m not good enough
*I’ll never get this right

Katie speaks often that to really do The Work we need to focus on that
other nasty, mean, troubled, sad, difficult person and judge the heck
outta THEM first. We need to write down all our thoughts about them that are
petty, childish, non-politically-correct, rude, nasty, mean…

But those beliefs about ourselves, they feel like a knife in the gut.

And sometimes, those painful thoughts are the ones that are there…it’s
just the way it is. Hateful, brutal, violent, nasty, mean thoughts about
ourselves. They really hurt.

And they are so amazing to question.

Is it really, really absolutely true that you are not doing enough? Are
you absolutely sure that you are not good enough? Can you be positive
that you will NEVER get things “right” or that you aren’t doing the
best you can?

We’re sooooo sure that we could do better.

Yesterday I had the feeling pass through my whole body and mind that
if I said “no” to a dear friend of mine, he would be so unhappy he would
be crushed. He is feeling so depressed he is suicidal.

A toddler screams when you take away the pair of sharp scissors he’s picked
up and was going to put in his mouth. But parents are clear that the
scissors are not safe to chew on, the toddler is confused and doesn’t
know any better.

With adults I become less clear. The simplest requests become complicated.

Our co-workers say “can you work for me next month?” Our children
ask “can you give me some money?” Our parents say “can you come visit us?”
and we notice that we want to say “no” but don’t speak it directly and end up avoiding the person who was asking, or we get mad at them silently (or not-so-silently).

So there I am thinking about myself “I should be doing MORE”. This is really
no different from a good friend asking me for MORE (time, attention, advice).
I notice that I love that friend dearly, he is hurting, and I know that he will be OK. I don’t have to avoid or push him away in anger. He is just being honest, he is being himself, doing the best he can.

I am doing the best I can, too.

So is everyone else.

Who would I be without the thought that I should be doing more, or that I am
not good enough? Or that I need to say “yes” to everyone who asks me for
anything? Or pissed off at everyone who asks me for something?

Who would you be without the thought that all those people out there who are
so annoying, mean, rude or needy could do better than they are doing?

I’d be in a place that was really clear right in that moment. I’d take the scissors
out of the toddler’s hands and then hug the cute little two-year-old while he screamed his eyes out. I might even chuckle that he’s so upset. And he’d probably forget about the scissors in 30 seconds and move on to something else.

I would give to myself, too. I’d feel comfort for myself, feel kind towards myself,
and feel amused at my own mistaken thoughts of how much better I could be doing or how I’m not good enough and ought to be doing more.

Everything would relax….

That’s what doing The Work gives me nearly every time I do it. Freedom
from having to do MORE or be MORE than I actually am. Freedom to say
“no” and freedom to say “yes”.

The next class on Money and Business, such a great topic for clarity around
saying “no” or saying “yes” to others, starts in only 10 days, Wednesdays at 4:30 pm
Pacific time. Check your time zone and join us in exploring freedom!

Much love,
Grace

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Push Less Have More

I have a confession to make. I sometimes (especially the past week)
really, really believe the:

I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME!!!

This thought is a whole system or way of thinking. If I’m thinking
this thought, it also means that I need to believe that I have things
I need to do that I’m not getting done.

It means I believe if I don’t get things finished, done, completed…
then bad things will happen….or at least no good things will happen.

Quite often, the reason I need more time is so that I can do things
that will GIVE me MORE MONEY, or MORE PLEASURE.

Several years ago I was in the worst place in my life financially. I thought
I might actually lose my house to foreclosure. I had no idea where the
next mortgage payment would come from, and it was due in two days!

PANIC, SADNESS, HORROR.

I knew I needed some help to keep my mind on track, answering the
four simple and profound questions. I knew that since I was really scared,
I might not answer them clearly by myself.

I hired an experienced facilitator of The Work. It was the last money I had.

This wonderful facilitator and dear woman heard all my thoughts about
failing financially. I did The Work on the thought “I need to PUSH to be
successful”.

I knew what I meant by “push”. It meant to stay up late, rise up early,
work-work-work, make phone calls, write emails, show up in person
to meetings, never say No, and to never back down.

It’s like being a real tough guy with fists tightly clenched. No sense of humor,
no relaxation. Steam coming out of the ears!!!

I got to question four. Who would I really be without the thought “I need to
PUSH to be successful”?? What would I do if I didn’t believe that thought?
How would I live my life without that thought?

My whole entire body relaxed. I had this day to enjoy. I noticed that I loved
working with clients. I had amazing friends. I had an incredible family. I noticed
that I thought about how I could move into my mother’s basement, even though I was a grown woman with two kids, recently divorced. Even though I thought that would be embarrassing, I sat with that image in my mind of moving my stuff into my mother’s basement and didn’t reject it.

I found the turnaround “I need to LET GO to be successful”. Could this really
be possible? I didn’t seem like it. But I stayed with the process and found
real examples of how letting go might lead to success.

When I got off the phone with my facilitator, I called my mother. We had one of the best, most wonderful conversations we had in years about what it would be like if I
moved in.

I called my sisters just to connect with them and let them know the truth of what was going on.

I called some very dear friends and talked with them about all my options,
really listened to their suggestions, and waited.

I did nothing, unless it felt really loving (like making those phone calls).

One of my sisters called back and said she would lend me enough money for
three months of expenses. I would need to pay her back in a year. Interest free.

I made that mortgage payment. I still live in my house. But I could move in
with my mother any time and know that it would be a fantastic
adventure in getting to live with her again after 25 years…..but it doesn’t seem
that it will go that way, at least not for now.

If you’d like to look deeply at some of your harshest thoughts about earning
money and receiving income, paying bills, and what it takes to do it, then join the
Wednesday afternoon teleclass that starts in two weeks!

To letting go and pushing less in your life,

Grace

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Yikes! Workaholics Doing The Work?

You’d think the LAST thing anyone would want to give a
workaholic…would be something called, “The Work!”

Like adding fuel to the fire?
Like giving a cat burglar your house key?
Like giving a beaver a chainsaw?
Like Bill Gates winning the lottery?

And speaking from (LOTS of) experience, it’s actually
pretty hard NOT to try to use your own established, painful
patterns–in my case, workaholic-neurotic–when you first start inquiring
into your thinking.

Like the fly endlessly droning on the window, struggling in the
same old way to get out…and TRULY EXPECTING a different result.

In other words, we try to work “hard” to make “The Work”
work just that little bit better…

…just a little bit more control (which hurts)
…just a little bit more force (which hurts)
…just a little bit more manipulation (which hurts)

Like going bowling and watching the ball heading toward the
right gutter…so you tense up and lean to the right to “make” it go straight!

It’s funny what we do. If something doesn’t work, why not just do the same
thing? Only harder?

And when we’re in the midst of the desperation and struggle and
“workaholism”…it seems to make absolutely perfect sense.

We actually BELIEVE we’re going to “fix” the situation with
more of the same…harder, faster, more pressure…and more of
the INTERNAL VIOLENCE AGAINST OURSELVES that has
never worked in the first place.

It’s just more of the subtle ways we try to exert our “control”
over ourselves and everything around us.

We’re so amazingly laser-ed in on fixing ourselves so we
can finally have money, order, control, enough accomplished,
more time, and improve just a little more…

…that THEN, we can finally relax, take a break, and be happy.

It’s my story to the hilt! Years and years of agony, trying harder,
and more and more force that just made me more miserable.
Honestly, I was doing it a little to myself this past week, while
doing taxes! Here comes the mind, creeping in with it’s “good
ideas” for working harder…

When I first tried to do The Work I couldn’t sit still long enough
to really get anywhere.

Some people have breakthroughs by going to a “Katie event.”
Some by doing The Work on the Helpline.
Some by going to the School (which is what I did, 3 times).
Some by working with one of the many fabulous facilitators
on the Byron Katie website.
Some by working in teleclasses where you realize the
astonishing fact that everyone’s thoughts are just like yours!

Such a relief!

It can seem like a “new” revelation…over and over and over…

…as you educate your mind.

Because your MIND would have you believe that it’s JUST YOU.

That you’re the only one suffering…you’re ALONE…there’s
no one out there…there’s no hope…you’ll never succeed…

…so why bother trying? You never make it.

Some people see suicide as the only way out. I sure thought about it,
but that’s the mind’s job and it’s incredibly subtle in leading you
down the same old path…believing it will finally work…THIS time.

My new teleclass is for:

-work-aholics
-overwhelm-aholics
-money-aholics
-get-motivated-aholics
-stress-aholics
-finally-get-organized-aholics,
-fix-myself-aholics
-I’ve-gotta-quit-procrastinating-aholics
-success-books-aholics
-success-seminar-aholics

Because they all hurt.

The teleclass where we get to sidetrack those runaway trains-to-nowhere
and despair, and finally steer them to the gentle, peaceful station
that’s the home within ourselves…where we can breathe and let
our knotted stomachs relax and let our aching shoulders drop.

The teleclass starts on Wednesdays, Feb. 22nd for 8 weeks of working
together and partnering–to looking at the pain of work and money.

Sending you relief from stress and trying so hard,

Grace

“Grace, I love how you are so affirming of everyone’s process and are 
such an accepting/loving presence.”–Celia, teleclass participant

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Send-Off To Money Class Participants

A sweet goodbye and “sendoff” during our 8th teleclass.

To sweet friends I carry with me, whether we’re together
on our teleclass, doing exercises together between classes,
meeting at a “Katie event”…or who knows where.

From Kenya, Japan, Florida, Seattle, New York, Minnesota…
performers, doctors, artists, actor, teacher, sister facilitator.

Someone said, as we were about to end the last call, how amazing
it is that we, as we’re doing The Work, can just come together in
a blink of an eye and become a community of mutual support.

And we can look, almost immediately, into the darkest corners
of our lives–that can turnaround into the brightest.

And what a relief to “compress” time.

It’s so wonderful we don’t need years of gradually getting to know
each other, taking tentative steps to see if it’s safe, before we can
open up to the most important things…

…troubling, hateful, scary, shameful, …exciting, precious, exhilarating!

And somehow, The Work provides a framework to shine the light
ANYWHERE…at anything…on anyone…at any time…no matter
how horrible or impossible or disgusting the situation or the
people in your life seems to be.

It’s great that the worst thing that can EVER happen is a thought.

And one other thing I love is The Work (amidst oceans of things
I love) is it’s NOT about following a “guru” who has “the” answers.

I’ve heard Byron Katie say so many times, that it’s NOT about
“her,” or “her” answers, or about doing what “she” does,
but about finding the answers to YOUR OWN questions.

And heaven forbid, it’s not about following ME or my answers!!!!

That’s why I love hearing about group members continuing to
work together long after the “official teleclass” is over.

So do your Work alone, with friends, at events, or join me
on one of my 3 upcoming teleclasses that start in the next 2 weeks.

They’re all 8-week courses, starting on Feb. 10 and 11 (see below).

Love to all,

Grace

“Grace, I love how you are so affirming of everyone’s process and are 
such an accepting/loving presence.”–Celia, teleclass participant

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Going Nuts Like Marlon Brando

Have you noticed how the topics of business and money can
really drive you nuts? ESPECIALLY if you run your own
business, work for yourself (what a difficult boss!) or have
a pile of bills to pay….and a bank account that looks, well,
emptier than you’d like?

Money coming in and money going out produces all kinds
of anxiety. Then if you’re also the boss….oh boy, look out.

When you’re running a business, you can have thoughts like:

  • I need to put my nose to the grindstone
  • I’ll stop working so hard when I have a nice cushion
  • Crack the whip! The people who work for me need to straighten up and fly right!
  • There is never, never, never enough time
  • If I don’t get better at running my business, I’ll FAIL
  • I’m such a procrastinator
  • Those other professionals are so much more successful
  • I coulda been a contender! (Remember Marlon Brando in On The Waterfront?)

It doesn’t make logical sense, and it doesn’t look like a business
plan, but I have found that Doing The Work is the VERY BEST thing
I have ever done to change my experience of money, work,
employment, and being an independent earner.

Three years ago only, I hit bottom financially, literally, with only a few hundred
dollars left and almost losing my house because I had no money to pay for it,
no job, and only a few clients….but I had the Work and a lot of creative ideas.

Fortunately, I hired a fantastic facilitator to help me inquire into
my thoughts about money, business, and employment. I spent a portion of
my very last dollars to hire her for ten sessions….and made it out alive.

Yes, it feels that serious…..like a matter of life or death.

Money, paying, spending, earning can feel like if it doesn’t go the
way you hope, YOU COULD DIE!

The great news is….you could LIVE! I sure have, and so far, you have
too if you’re reading this.

I’ve questioned all the most absolutely terrifying thoughts about money
and losing it or owing it or needing it….and wow, has the inside of me changed.

Now I am a Contender!

I’m happily, joyfully in the middle of a wonderful experience called
running a business, where I get to facilitate people wanting to question
their painful thinking alongside me….and even though I became fine with
losing my house (seriously, I knew it was OK)…I didn’t.

I’d love to have you along this fabulous journey with Money & Your
Biz! We start on Fridays, February 10 – April 6, 12:15 – 1:45 pm
Pacific time.

Much love,

Grace

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I Can’t Do That

One of the most sneaky, sad, depressing ways
my thinking has messed with my peace and freedom
is with this simple but powerful thought “I CAN’T DO THAT”.

It comes right after a really fantastic idea.

It comes right after a really frightening idea.

It comes right after I get a vision of something in the
future that might be possible, and it feels big and juicy
and like a wild dream.

The mind is such a pessimist! Here are some of the reasons
my thinking comes up with WHY I can’t do something:

–he will be very sad
–she won’t approve of me
–they will think I’m greedy
–people will get outrageously mad at me
–people will find me disgusting and uncool
–I’ll screw it up and regret I tried to do it

All very, very stressful beliefs, and all full of a good punch
that often results in “DON’T EVEN TRY IT”.

But what if you could do that. What if you knew you
really, really, really wanted to do it, you were drawn
to do it, something in you was saying “Go! Now!” or
you keep coming back to the idea over and over again.

Even if it’s just a little whiff of an idea, a soft breeze passing,
a tiny hint of a suggestion…”I CAN do that”. Why not see if it’s
just as true, or truer, that you can.

It’s not really that I can’t do something, most of the time.
I try, and I do it or I don’t do it…it may not even matter.

Come see what it’s like to live the turnarounds of these stressful
beliefs, share with others who may have had the same painful
beliefs, and question them using The Work together.

We have only one spot left for this weekend retreat on food, eating
and the body. And the teleclass with the same topic starts next
Tuesday!

I would love to have you join me on the journey to the freedom of
seeing if you can do it, without terrible stress and panic.

Love, Grace