Category: Money

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The Silence We All Have

One of the most comforting, interesting ideas that is repeated by many wise teachers is that we all have some part of us that is solid, unchanging, and kinda beyond this world, beyond the body, beyond whatever is happening.

I was listening to an interview with Stephen Covey, the man who wrote the popular book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People some time ago.

He said “People can’t live with change if there’s not a changeless core inside them.”

Deepak Chopra said “in the midst of chaos and movement, there is a stillness inside you.”

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross who wrote so famously on the subject of death and dying said “Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose.”

I used to wonder what this silence was that people mentioned from time to time. When I closed my eyes and tried to meditate and be quiet, it was like a crowd chattering in all different languages, plus a jack-hammer going and some loud beeps like trucks make when they’re going backwards.

I would start thinking about everything. In fact, it even drove me nuts.

One of my favorite things about The Work is that I have questioned enough painful beliefs, it seems, that I began to feel a core inside me that was unchanging, and silent, and very solid and deep.

Great comfort with silence within is an absolutely amazing side-effect of The Work. Once I had questioned my thinking about the things I was most afraid of in all of my life for a couple of years, I decided to go on my first silent meditation retreat.

The first few days, I thought I might go completely bonkers. So many thoughts and voices talking, thoughts like “this is boring” or “I’m not doing this right” or replaying conversations with people I had known 20 years before.

The other day I was riding my bike and listening on my ipod to Katie talk with people about their greatest fears when they lose their jobs or can’t pay their bills. People were talking about how terrible it would be to have only a shopping cart on the street, to be homeless, to not be able to pay their utilities and have no heat or light.

Katie loves to ask “have you ever really NOT had enough? give me a time when you really didn’t have enough, what is that story, the absolute WORST moment.”

I have done this worst-case scenario thinking many, many times. My mind loves to think of scary things and present them, sort of like a fashion show of possibilities. Like my mind is saying “you thought that one was scary? How about this one!”

What a relief to have the question “who would I be without this thought, that this scene or outcome would be TERRIBLE?”

What if everything that happens offers something beautiful?

Katie says “Life will give you everything you need to go deeper.”

I love the deep places, the place inside that is very silent and expansive. All those pictures my mind invents about a scary future or annoying moment in the future, I know they are not real. They’re in my imagination.

Right there in meditation, as my mind is thinking loudly, I can realize that what I’m imagining is not even true, and remember who I would be without this story.

From Loving What Is “how do I know I don’t need two arms [fill in the blank on what you think is missing]? I only have one. There’s no mistake in the universe. The story ‘I need two arms’ is where the suffering begins, because it argues with reality. Without the story…I’m complete with no right arm…”

Wow, if I think about something I thought was missing, like more money for example, and then I drop the story that it is missing….there is an alive, open, buzzing, happy unknown space in the center of me….silent, trusting.

We all have it.

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Money Is Safety

What a fabulous class yesterday with the Money, Work and Business telegroup. We questioned the belief “money is safety”.

Now, I’ve done a LOT of inquiry work on money. My desperation for more of it, my sadness at losing it, my dismissive scoffing at it, like I could care less.

If Money was a person, they had every reason to stay far away from me in the past. I was really nasty about money, it did not seem to bring out the best qualities. I hated that I wanted it, it was just so uncomfortable to actually WANT something that much. I hated that I seemed to need it.

Diving in to the intricate mysterious world of all my beliefs about money, one thing I had to do was look with open eyes and a magnifying glass at it all.

WHY did I want it so much? I mean, really?

Well, one reason is this idea that having it creates safety. So, in other words, if I have money, then I am safe.

Safe from what? Here are some common beliefs, maybe they are the same for you:

  • with money, I am safe from being neglected when sick, injured, or old
  • with money, I am safe from having physical pain get worse
  • with money, I am safe from starvation, thirst, being dirty
  • with money, I am safe from boredom, from missing something fun
  • with money, I am safe from loneliness, meaninglessness
  • with money, I am safe from being stuck in unhappiness

It’s simple to find examples of people with loads of money who experience all these things sometimes….we can see that money doesn’t keep us safe from “bad” times. It’s also simple to decide to NOT really deal with money, to step away from it and not care about it (or pretend not to). Yet, it still seems stressful.

The turnaround to the opposite belief that money is safety is the concept “This here right now is safety”. This is interesting, this is considering it all in a different way. Right in that place where you MOST believed that with more money you would be safer….could it still be possible that you were safe?

There I was, without money, hungry. I wanted to eat (you can translate this to “I wanted to go on that vacation, I wanted that dress, I wanted that pedicure, I wanted to take that workshop”).

Can I be here, wanting, without the money, and remain safe? What’s the worst that could happen? That I ask for what I want and someone says NO?

“If you were willing to ask only ONE percent of the population for what you want, and have them all say NO, you’d be willing to listen to 70 million NOs. How many times do we ask for something and when we hear the first, second or third no, we feel defeated? It’s like the world is full of wells, and we allow ourselves to go thirsty because the first couple we find are dry.”~Benjamin Smythe

I notice that money isn’t safety. Having money is a protection device for me, so I don’t have to ask, I don’t have to receive, I don’t have to feel how much I want something, I don’t have to interact with humanity, or the unknown future.

“When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When people see some things as good, other things become bad…” Tao Te Ching #2 

Sometimes there is wanting…..and without believing that it is not safe, wanting is fun. Wanting is an exciting adventure, without fear. I act without expectations, trusting that the amount of money I have is just the right amount, for this moment.

Without “enough” money, I ask for a job, I ask if I can stay with you for awhile, I ask if you will lend me some, I ask for some food. I notice my surroundings and the sweetness of the world. I notice it doesn’t matter if I have the money or not.

I laugh in the joy of it all. Safe.

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You Don’t Need More Money

Money is such a fascinating topic, so many opposing thoughts and ideas. Most of us feel pretty sure we want more of it. More is better. Less is worse.

Inquiring around money, I have found, offers so much awareness about Wanting and Not Wanting, it has the kernel of understanding everything about my perception of life. Wow! Really? Yes, really.

Here is this thing called Money. I use it to trade for other stuff. I like the stuff. I like books, fixing my broken bathroom, and going on retreat. I like taking classes, buying gifts for people, and buying groceries for my family.

The Money itself is not stressful. It just sits there, being itself. I have found that I don’t like it when there’s distance between Me and Money. There is something I want, and I don’t have enough money to trade for it.

Turning this entire belief around that there is distance between me and money, I sit with the experience that there is NO DISTANCE between us. How could that possibly be, when it appears there is no money in my bank account (in the amount I prefer) or no money in my pocket?

Here’s when it gets really fun. What do you think you need money for in the first place? What do you really truly feel distant from, if it’s not money? Joy? Relaxation? Connection with people? Adventure? Happiness? Security?

Are you absolutely sure you can’t experience joy, relaxation, connection, adventure, happiness or security in this moment? Are you sure you need something more?

What if your only project is to see what life is like right here and right now with exactly the amount of money you have. You may have the privilege of having no money at all. Can you notice that joy is possible anyway?

I remember doing The Work on “I can’t afford to travel”. When I turned the thought around realized what kind of Adventures I could go on, right in my own city. There were huge areas of the city I had never explored before. Shops in China Town I had never been in, houses I had never even seen, street names I had no idea were even in my city.

“When you’ve become a total success in business and have more money than you could ever spend, what are you going to have? Happiness? Isn’t that why you wanted money? Let’s take a shortcut that can last a lifetime. Answer this question: who would you be without the story ‘My future depends on making a lot of money?’ Happier. More relaxed. With or without the money. You’d have everything you wanted money for in the first place.”~ Byron Katie 

I notice when I feel connected to money, like it’s my best friend and we are having fun together. I don’t have the thoughts that it’s not giving me enough attention, it should stay with me and never leave, I need to think about it all the time (Obsessive!) or scheme to figure out how to manipulate it into sticking with me.

I call that a troubled relationship. I’ve had those before. They aren’t very much fun.

“If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never truly be fulfilled. If you happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ~ Tao te Ching #44

To really let this sink in, I find examples of how there is nothing missing here that I would need money to acquire.

I am supported by this couch I sit on, I have friends all over the place right here and in countries everywhere (!), I have a computer, streets to walk on, trees to sit under….I have piles of books to read, a gorgeous day ahead of me, food filling up my refrigerator, a telephone.

Rejoice in the way it is right now. Even if you have lost “everything” and have no money. You get to see the bare bones of what you do have. You get to slow down, to stop. Air to breathe. Ground to sit on. A bite to eat, a glass of water. A place to lie down.

WITH the thought that I NEED more money: I am sad, in an empty cell like a jail, life looks bleak or frightening, I crawl into a fetal position and wait…tense, unhappy.

WITHOUT the thought that I need more money: WOW. There is stuff everywhere. Wealth, riches, colors, amazement, infinite possibilities, excitement, peace.

Love, Grace

 

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Being Willing To Lose Everything

When I was separated from my former husband 7 years ago, I had a lot of “work” to do. The Work! I had so many terrifying thoughts rise out of me, I didn’t even know they had been there.

It was within that time of separation that not only was all my money leaving my bank account to pay for food and shelter, I also got a cancer tumor on my leg, and I lost my job.

Sometimes the panic would feel like I was stepping out of a space ship….into black, empty, endless space, miles from any human person, waiting for the oxygen tank to run out of batteries.

The strange thing is that with The Work, I could see that I was having a nightmarish hurricane of beliefs. Part of me could actually see that what I believed was effecting everything. Even though I felt terror, I knew there was another side to this story. I knew to do The Work, with no expectation of any outcome.

I knew it was possible to have all these things exist and STILL BE AT PEACE; cancer, job loss, money almost gone, losing my house, losing my possessions.

One of my greatest terrors was of having no money left, of losing my house. This was very possible.

I did The Work on being Sure it would Awful to lose everything, including my house.

I began to find evidence for how if this happened, it would not be all bad. I found genuine examples of how losing my house and money would bring beauty, adventure, love, connection. I saw how I did not need my house. I did not need money.

What I did not know yet, was that as I sat still and became willing to find examples of the turnarounds to my painful thinking, life would reveal the evidence of a friendly universe that was beyond friendly…that there would be turnarounds that were ones I couldn’t have imagined.

So there I was on a cold dark January and I saw my bank account had something like $16 dollars left. Enough for a few groceries today and putting a little gas into my gas tank. And I had a bill for the January mortgage to my house that said I owed $2,300 dollars on January 15th.

I had already borrowed money from my sister and used my credit card to pay the past three months of mortgage payments. I was going into debt now. I had visions of being on the Titanic. This was going down.

All I knew to do was The Work. And be genuine. Talk with people. Call people up. Speak up, continue to ask people about jobs they knew about, continue to tell people in my life the truth, and then let go with acceptance.

I really knew I would be safe. I really knew that if I started the foreclosure process, then I would be OK and I would move out into my mother’s house and then Something Else would happen. This was about loving myself. This was about experiencing peace and happiness…..no matter what.

On January 14th I went to my dance class, where I was trading my entrance fee for sweeping the floors and helping with clean up. I knew that dancing made me very happy, and being with community was joyful and loving. I knew to go, to put it simply.

At the end of the evening, someone said “We have something for Grace”. We gathered in our usual big circle to share and close the dance. I was presented with an envelope and took it, mystified. It was very close to my birthday, was this a gift?

I opened the envelope and saw bills and bills, $100s and $20s and $1s and $10s. There was enough money to pay my mortgage that was due the next day, and pay for my light and heat until the end of the month.

This was a donation to help me pay for another month of expenses, when I had nothing left.

My heart burst open and I cried and could not speak, and I saw this was a turnaround beyond any one I could have imagined.

“I can’t do it” had been my belief. I can’t get the money, I can’t make it with the expenses I have, I can’t manage to pay for my house, I am losing everything, I am starting foreclosure….

These thoughts had become “I don’t need to be the one to do it!” I can receive the money, I can make it (with or without a house or money), I can manage to pay for my house, I am not losing anything…

And now here was the most amazing example of a turnaround. My heart soared as I felt the gratitude and appreciation. I did my part, I did The Work, I looked at my own fears, and I let go, willing to lose my house and everything.

“You may be afraid to go deeper into The Work because you think that it’s going to cost you something valuable. My experience is the opposite: without a story, life only gets richer…..I’m free to walk in the world without fear….with arms and heart wide open.” ~ Byron Katie

With love and gratitude, Grace

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More! Less! Now!

The Tao Te Ching from 64 “…the Master takes action by letting things take their course. He remains as calm at the end as at the beginning. He has nothing, thus has nothing to lose…”

But I want “this” to be faster, bigger and more! Like my business, my bank account, my bicep muscles, my dance moves, my wedding, my children.

And I want other things to be slower, smaller and less! Like the flu, cancer, my neighbor’s noise, bills, natural disasters, problems, my journey to death.

I have found that questioning these concepts one by one, page after page of concepts I’ve written down, I find it pretty amusing the way my mind is so interested in piping up around what there should be more of and less of in my world.

Letting things take their course is revolutionary to this voice that loves to evaluate and diagnose everything it sees.

But wow, is it worth it.

One thought I had recently was that I should have more money. I chuckle to think of this thought right now….but if someone knocked on my door within the next five minutes and said “would you like some more money?” I would probably say yes. If there was no catch.

How amazing, though, to really ask myself, is it true that I want more?

I ask this in my teleclass on Money, Work and Business…and it’s an exercise I’ve heard variations on before in studying money and our beliefs about it: What do I really want more money for? I mean really? Security? Peace? Freedom? Joy? Power?

What do I want more of anything for? Or less of something for? And if I want it to be bigger or smaller than it actually is, if I’m not relaxing and letting things take their course, all I get is the Not Relaxing part.

It turns out things always take their course. I don’t get a vote.

This does not mean I have no importance, I have no influence, that all is random chaos and it’s terrible, meaningless.

In fact, when I find who I am without the thought that I need something to be MORE or something to be LESS, for anything to run a different course than it’s running, at first I catch a glimpse of excitement.

If I let myself really see who I’d be without the thought that I want more money, all afternoon, all the next day, and let my mind work with this idea, this imagination, this picture…

I see how all I really thought I wanted that money would give me is either already here, or perhaps impossible. I don’t have to go “get” it. There is no security that can be guaranteed by money, there is no peace that money brings, or freedom, or joy. I cannot keep it or pin it down. I have no control over it. Money does nothing, is nothing but a story. I can’t even keep it, if I had it I would put it out there again. It comes, it goes…it runs its own course.

What is here, is peace, joy, silence, love, security, freedom, a great hum of unknown. Just here, with me listening. Can you hear it today?

“The master has nothing, thus has nothing to lose.”

Much Love, Grace

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What Is Success, Really?

If you were really, truly successful…..what would that look like?

Oooh boy, that is such a fine question for the busy busy little mind. It starts the ball rolling on what could be better.

Now, don’t get me wrong! Considering the future is part of life when you have a mind. This is actually a really fun, creative exercise. People use it all the time in trainings and counseling or coaching sessions to allow inspiring visions to appear, to build exciting scenes in the imagination!

And for those of us who tend to picture frightening visions of the future, it can be a new and different idea to envision images that are peaceful, calm and supportive.

But oh what a trickster the mind can be. So many possibilities, it can be overwhelming. So many paths to take.

And the difference between NOW and THEN (that future successful image) gets more and more clear, pronounced, real, distant, far away…..oh dear, here comes the awareness that right NOW is not quite as good as LATER might be.

So what would success look like? I’ve had so many pictures, but it kind of looks like this:

  • If I were really really successful I would be in great physical shape, like I’d decide to run a half-marathon or mountain bike race and it would be no big deal
  • I would have love, joy and laughter in all my interactions with my children—they would adore me and I would adore them
  • I wouldn’t get terrified, enraged, or depressed…..Call me Yoda.
  • All my relationships would be really clear, clean, intimate, honest
  • I would make decisions with speed and sharpness
  • My house and possessions would be elegant, comfortable, and anything needing to be fixed would be fixed IMMEDIATELY
  • I would have plenty of money to travel, pay for my childrens’ education, get massages, do good in the world
  • I would never get sick, I definitely wouldn’t get cancer
  • I would have a fabulous, amazing life partner that was also successful
  • I would be a published author and have a waiting list of clients wanting to work with me
  • I would make a difference in the world, maybe even become famous in my field

Notice how this list is all centered around something called “I”. It’s all about ME. I have found that when the underlying motive is to get “there” to “success” so I can be happy, then I forget that I am actually happy right now.

If I think I’m NOT happy right now, I write down why. I take these concepts to inquiry. I find there is nothing lacking, nothing needed. Success is actually here, right now. No searching necessary, no exercises are necessary even to “picture” what success will be in the future.

From the Tao Te Ching 74: “If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you aren’t afraid of dying, there is nothing you can’t achieve. Trying to control the future is like trying to take the master carpenter’s place. When you handle the master carpenter’s tools, chances are that you’ll cut your hand.”

Once you inquire into what you believe success is, you may find you feel freer, that there is a wonderful place of knowing you can’t hold onto anything. Now it is fun, creative, child-like, and stress-free to play with imagining the future. But it’s not necessary for having a happy life.

The strangest thing is, the more I let go of pushing for success, the more successful I’ve become. Even though, as it turns out, I’ve had cancer, been depressed and pissed off, sometimes have to postpone a class because of low enrollment, and have never published anything. Unless you count this!

Join the next Money and Your Business teleclass on Saturdays starting April 7th! We look deeply at success, fears, how we feel about marketing, money, and what’s the worst that could happen in our working life!

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Happiness Depends On Money

Money and running a business have been amazing opportunities for The Work.

You have probably noticed how many moments there have been in your life, especially if you work for yourself, that contain fear, anxiety, irritation, frustration, disappointment, rejection, or depression.

Yes, hell itself can be present in all that is called “running a business”.

This is not the kind of message you get in motivational seminars on business building, marketing, hiring employees, working with contractors, or learning new administrative skills. The messages are usually “you will LOOOOOOOVE working for yourself and you will NEEEEVVVVER have to get bossed around again!”

But when I took the outside “boss” away, it turned out I had my own thinking that was actually a lot bossier. I couldn’t even watch a movie for the evening without thinking “I should be updating my website, or checking emails, or writing my new marketing flyer, or developing new curriculum”.

Everything was about getting more business, growing, moving forward, doing better.

From the Tao Te Ching translated by Steven Mitchell: “44 Fame or integrity: which is more important? Money or happiness: which is more valuable? Success or failure: which is more destructive? If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never truly be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

Incredible to truly sit without the belief that my business needs to do anything than what it is doing right now, in this moment.

Could it be true that the whole world belongs to you? That there is nothing lacking?

I have found there is a flow, a joy in simply being here, of service. One day I write so much it’s amazing, a whole four-day workshop down on paper all at once. Then for a month, no writing.

I announce a new service, and no one apparently responds. Then three months later, many people respond. Who knows, I watch and stay. There is an inner trust and simplicity. No pushing. Everything right on time.

If you’re ready to question some stuck, painful beliefs that keep you from being content with what you have, bring them to the next teleclass Money & Your Business, starting Saturdays (rare!) on April 7th, 8-9:30 am Pacific time.

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I Hate My J-O-B!

Yesterday I had a new client who has meditated, been on retreat and read extensively.

There was just one little problem with her life….she doesn’t like her home, the city she has moved to, and how much she misses her friends and family. All for a J-O-B!

She moved because she wanted health benefits, a steady income, and to help pay for her child’s education. So she accepted a new job in a new place.

Beliefs were coming out of the woodwork! All about the disappointment around work, income, money, worry about making a mistake in the future, not quitting, quitting, moving back, disappointing people, growing old without a plan….or health benefits.

My mind works this fast, too. Especially when it comes to work and money.

  • More money is better
  • You have to work REALLY HARD if you don’t have lots of money
  • You have to work for health insurance
  • Jobs are hard work, traps, and impose on MY time
  • My business should grow faster
  • Having money means: freedom, security, adventure

I have questioned beliefs about money and business and work often in the past couple of years. Wow, these are just some of the turnarounds I have found, it’s amazing to sit with them and find real examples of how they are just as true or truer.

  • I am already free, secure, and adventurous!
  • My business should grow s-l-o-w-l-y
  • Jobs are easy, places that offer fun and freedom
  • Jobs are not impositions, they are something I get to do
  • You have to “play” for health insurance
  • I DON’T have to work hard if I don’t have lots of money
  • Just the exact amount of money I have is just right

Eckhart Tolle has a wonderful quote “the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it“.

This means, if I have no job at the moment….only my thoughts create unhappiness. If I get fired or laid off, then my job is being a person who has no “job” at the moment.

If I run my own business, my job is questioning my beliefs about whatever I think is not fun about doing this activity. The possibilities are endless!

What is the worst that could happen if my situation with money and work or business never changes? It’s all in the future, all images in my mind. That are not true, and never could be.

Even the most gruesome, horrible image of a terrible future is only imagination. If something “really terrible” happens….it won’t be the way you’re seeing it in your mind, anyway.

Might as well relax and question everything stressful. The next Money & Your Business teleclass starts on Saturdays in April! Join us!

Love, Grace

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Shortie on Money

This is a shortie today!

Money & Your Biz teleclass starts in two days. Email me today if you’re ready to join, gracebell@comcast.net.

There is nothing so wonderful as feeling deep happiness about the exact place I am in right now, today.

No need to push, pull, change, switch, fix, attack, adjust while feeling stress.

There is no emergency about my business and money.

This does not mean lying down on the carpet and doing nothing, taking no action, or giving up.

Doing The Work on anything that causes frustration, fear, anxiety, worry, anger….it brings out that place inside that knows all is well, and from that who knows what wonderful
things can happen in the world of business and money!

Much love,
Grace

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I Have Enough Money

A man at the Cleanse was doing The Work on Money.

One of my favorite topics….

He was standing in the audience and raised his hand, and told about how he just wanted to feel really successful and have enough money.

Katie asked him to think about the WORST moment in his entire life where he had the least amount of money.

I have shared my worst moment before. What I say about that moment is that I had absolutely nothing left in my bank account. Maybe something like a few dollars and cents, so that the account still existed.

I had a stack of bills. One was for my mortgage which was due within the next few days.

The man sharing at the Cleanse had a moment, too. He was standing on the street in New York City and had just taken his last $300 and purchased what he thought was a piece of fancy electronic equipment.

When he opened the box, there was nothing inside. He had been conned.

That kind of moment, when you feel revenge, anger, fury at someone because you are sure they are at fault…I can sum it up in just about one word…..”KILL!”

At that moment if I were a samurai, I would take out my sword, like in the famous zen story, and raise it over the person who insulted and conned me, the person who was to blame. KILL THAT PERSON!

In MY worst moment, I blamed myself, which was just as horrible, maybe even more horrible. The bitterness, despair, and thinking I should have prevented this terrible moment with no money in it….”ouch” is too small a word for that moment. It’s more like a huge loud howl of fear.

Then Katie asked the man at the Cleanse, “what happened next?”

The man said he went to stay with some friends. We all burst out laughing. The man had a huge smile on his face.

In my worst moment, all that happened was I sat in a chair and made some phone calls.

Seeing this kind of moment for what it really is, has been incredible.

Katie asks “have you ever really needed any more money than you have had?”

The man at the Cleanse could honestly answer “no”. So can I. And I don’t need any more money right now in this moment either.

Our teleclass on Money, Business, Marketing and all those apparently tricky topics starts next Wednesday!!

Love, Grace